Son of a Critch (2022) s04e01 Episode Script
Groove Is in the Heart
1
["TRY TO REMEMBER" BY THE
BROTHERS FOUR ON RADIO]
the kind of September ♪
When life was slow ♪
And oh, so mellow ♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): New year,
new school, new uniform.
Well? How is it?
Purple.
It's not purple, it's maroon!
The Holy Heart colours.
I should know. I went there.
Right, 'cause it's a girls' school.
Was a girls' school!
Now it's co-ed!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): The
government was forcing
the Catholic school
board to end the practice
of separating the boys from
the girls in high school.
Rome had fallen!
MARK: "Holy heart of
Mary school for girls."
Well, I guess they had
to use up the old stock.
No one's gonna be able to read that.
It's sewn onto my chest!
Don't be so foolish!
When I was your age,
teenage boys couldn't wait
to get into a girls' school.
Hm!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): High school
was a chance at reinvention.
A whole new me.
A girl, apparently.
[KNOCKING]
Hey!
MARK: Yeah, Pop?
Can you come in here a minute?
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Pop and
I no longer shared a room,
so he replaced me
With a ham radio.
Here.
Hold that.
- Feel anything?
- No.
Oh, good. It's not that one, then.
Hmm.
You sure you know how to use this stuff?
Of course I do!
I've been in contact with Greenland,
Iceland, Newfoundland!
We live in Newfoundland, Pop.
Yeah, well, it's a big place.
- [RADIO BUZZING]
- Ah!
Contact!
When life was so tender ♪
[FRONT DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
Hey, Dad.
[SIGHS]
I thought you moved into
the basement apartment.
I did.
Something wrong with your fridge?
No.
[SONG CONTINUES ON RADIO]
You must love the independence, do ya?
Huh?
Forget it.
POP: [RADIO] This is Polaris,
transmitting shortwave.
Newfoundland, repeat.
This is Polaris, calling
Uniform Tango Foxtrot
Just one night. One night of peace!
Augh!
Come in, Iceland. This is Polaris.
What? You
Who's "Polaris"?
I am. That's my handle.
You never use your real name on this.
It's full of nutters.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Ham
radio was basically Twitter
with microphones.
Will you give it up?
Radio's not for amateurs!
Shh, quiet! I'm getting something here.
Pop's talking to Iceland.
He's talking to himself!
You'll never get a signal.
You're too close to
the VOCM transmitter.
- What's up with the purple?
- Oh, it's maroon!
Hmm.
Aw, it's the school for girls!
Don't you look so pretty?
Mom, he can read it!
Quiet, quiet! I'm talking to Iceland!
Uh, what's the weather like? Over.
NEWFOUNDLAND MAN: [RADIO]
Anyone free at the mall?
I got a job at the Strand
Lounge; Anyone handy?
MARY: Oh, for God's sake, Pop.
MAN 2: [RADIO] This is car
5. I'm at the Strand now.
Pop, that's the cab stand at the mall.
Alright. Enough of this.
Bed time.
Dad, do we have any mustard?
I have mustard. You do not.
Mark. School tomorrow.
[RADIO TURNS BACK ON]
[DISTANT RADIO VOICES]
Why'd you get into all this stuff, Pop?
I don't know, it's
You know, it's nice to
have someone to talk to.
Being here on my own,
it's quiet and I'm alone.
I can hang out.
MARY: Mark! Get to bed!
Right.
Uh, anyway, hey, high school. Big day.
Hm.
Well, if you need me,
just bang on the wall.
Night, Pop.
Night.
Anyone out there?
♪
Is there anyone out there?
Anyone?
ADULT MARK (V.O.): The world
seemed so much bigger back then.
But not as big as it was about to get.
[BUS HONKS]
MARK: What the heck?
Where is everybody?
Ah, just us St. Bridget's losers.
Nobody else on our route.
We got our own limo.
We're on the short bus.
Deadly!
FOX: This is gonna suck.
There are like five feeder schools,
and St. Bridget's is the welfare school.
And I can't believe I gotta
wear this stupid skirt.
I look like
Amazing.
Gross!
Bus driver, they're screwin'!
Hey!
They'll be none of that, young fella!
You move seats!
What the frig?
I can stay here all day.
I seen ya.
Oh yeah, you like watching
kids kiss, do ya, perv?
It's it's fine! Sorry.
- [CAR HONKING]
- What? Mark!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Well, at
least it couldn't get worse.
Right ?
["BUST A MOVE" BY YOUNG MC PLAYING]
♪
♪
♪
This here's a tale
for all the fellas ♪
Trying to do what
those ladies tell us ♪
Get shot down 'cause
you're overzealous ♪
Play hard to get,
females get jealous ♪
Okay, smarty, go to a party ♪
Girls are scantily
clad and showin' body ♪
A chick walks by, you
wish you could sex her ♪
But you're standing on the
wall like you was Poindexter ♪
Next day's function,
high-class luncheon ♪
Food is served and you're ♪
Dudes. We're screwed.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): What's
the point of finding yourself
if it all gets erased and you
have to start all over again?
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
So, come on, fatso,
and just bust a move! ♪
♪
Guys, this place is crazy.
I don't know anybody.
You know us.
We need to stay close.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Who to join? Jocks?
Pretty girls?
Nerds?
This was life or death.
Trust no one.
This island's a solid rock.
We gotta join a gang.
A gang?
But what one?
No one's ever busted out of here
and no one ever will.
Yet.
I may have found a way out of here.
I'm in.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
You should have joined the jocks.
I got a present for ya.
OFFICER BUTT: Get outta here.
He's gonna kill ya when I goes on break.
FATHER GARCIA: Hello,
Holy Heart Hooters!
How are ya?
My name is Father Garcia.
You know me as your parish priest.
But I'm a Jesuit priest,
and our mission is to teach.
Holy heart is no longer a girls' school,
so I have been asked to
be Holy Heart's first ever
boy principal!
Man principal!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Father
Garcia as principal?
Total pushover.
This was a cakewalk.
Nobody expected the sexes
to be coming together.
Bad choice of words! Um, you know what?
I'm just gonna introduce
your new vice-principal.
Huh?
Like me, she was reassigned
to fix this problem.
Opportunity.
Sister Rose!
[OMINOUS CHORAL MUSIC]
It can't be.
♪
Hello, children.
Teenage boys and teenage girls
In the same school.
A churning sea of hormones
that threatens to drown us all.
Well, not on my watch, missy!
I know the girls are
just as bad as the boys.
It takes two to tango.
And not only will there be no dancing
I don't even want to hear you hum!
[MIC FEEDBACK]
[SILENCE]
Go, Hooters! Hoot hoot!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
It seemed that, like an arrow,
I could only go forward
by being pulled backward.
Christ on a cracker! What are you doing?
I'm just gettin' a little
boost from the radio antenna.
Are you cracked? You're
gonna blow yourself up!
You know, Mary
You really don't understand, do you?
No, the, um
Amp-age is grounded in wavelengths
to the, um transmitter. Or something.
It's highly technical stuff, yeah?
Well, I'll tell you
what I do understand.
Mike didn't want those tommy-jiggers
in the house in the first place.
And if he finds out that
you are friggin' around
with that radio transmitter,
he's liable to shove
it up your ancient arse!
Beautiful.
[SIGHS]
- You know
- What?
You're right.
What are you gonna do?
[CHUCKLES]
Ah.
Hide in plain sight.
I got music next!
I'm stoked! What have you got?
Theatre art.
One day I wanna be paid to be an actor,
and now I'm being forced to act.
It's like the next best thing!
How about you, Fox?
Academic math?
That sucks!
You're good at math.
Yeah, I was good at math.
That was at St.
Bridget's. It's different.
[SIGHS]
I don't belong here.
Yeah, keep walking, dicks!
Well, well, well! Look
at the sooky babies.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Fox's older brother.
Bully turned drop-out, turned jailbird.
What are you doing here?
I thought you were supposed to
Not in jail no more. Got a job now.
Here. I'm a teacher.
- Janitor.
- Same thing.
I never told you 'cause this
is more embarrassing than jail.
Comes with a sweet pad and everything.
Luh.
Look at this!
Sweet, what?
I gets to live here.
Like a Ninja Turtle?
Or Phantom of the Opera. Nice.
Someone's gotta be here at all times.
That red light goes off means
these boilers are about to blow.
That happens, I gotta
press 9 on that phone.
It's like a suicide mission.
Music and theatre are
on the second floor.
We gotta jet.
You really gotta stay in school.
See ya later.
Later, losers!
Wait, wait
- What?
- Hang out with me for a bit.
- I got math.
- You got all year to fail math, b'y!
The Price is Right is coming on.
I used to love watching
that when I was home sick.
Come on.
It gets lonely down here.
Fine.
Yeah. Yeah.
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
Not everyone has a passion.
But I did.
[UPBEAT, HOPEFUL MUSIC]
♪
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): My classroom
was the biggest theatre
I'd ever seen. 1,100 seats!
Built by the nuns as a fortress
to showcase girl choirs
and keep boys out.
- I knew you'd take this class.
- Ah!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Cara.
Protestant Princess and former fling.
We'd been infiltrated.
Cara!
What are you doing here?
You're not Catholic.
We moved down the block.
They wouldn't take me
here because I was zoned
for the Protestant school.
That's a half-hour bus ride.
And I wasn't about to take a bus!
Of course.
So my mom helped me file
a human rights complaint.
I was being discriminated
against because of my religion.
So you go here now?
It's so good to know someone.
Okay, uh, personal space!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
My passion was theatre.
Fox's passion was punching.
MAN: [COUGHING]
Good morning, kids!
My name is, uh, Mr. Lewis.
Oh, it hurts every step.
Just agony.
Oh, please, sir, take a seat.
Why do you think I needed a chair?
Well, your your leg.
I mean, you have trouble walking.
What else?
You have a cane?
What else?
Your your back?
I mean, you seem to be in pain.
Do I?
- [CANE FALLS TO FLOOR]
- Or
[MAGICAL MUSIC STING]
Am I acting?
[APPLAUSE]
MR. LEWIS: See?
You only get one chance
to make a first entrance.
Right? To be interesting.
You gotta make the audience
want to know who you are.
Who are you?
- Huh?
- Who are you gonna be?
Well, I, uh well, I wanted
Well, don't tell us, man!
Show us!
Enter!
You know, you could plod
You could skip.
You could jog.
You could creep.
You could glide.
You could stagger.
Show us.
Enter.
MARK: Okay.
[CHEEKY MUSIC]
MR. LEWIS: Ah.
Ha-ha-ha!
Yeah, nice!
[APPLAUSE]
MR. LEWIS: Nice.
Now I know who you are.
You're an actor.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): I didn't
need to change to fit in.
I didn't need to become
a jock or a nerd.
I was
Me!
For the first time, I
knew that I was exactly
where I was supposed to be.
[DOOR CLOSES]
POP: Johansson, I do
believe it's your move.
JOHANSSON: [RADIO] King's
pawn to queen's bishop 3.
Check.
Queen's bishop 3
Damn.
- [RADIO STATIC]
- You're breaking up there.
Hello? You're ah.
[SILENCE ON RADIO]
Frozen prick.
I took the clothes in,
so your wire is naked.
- Oh, who cares?
- Hm?
I feel like a God in here!
I mean, I can hear all over the world!
I mean, Iceland, Halifax.
I can even get the police scanner.
And look at this, it's a baby monitor.
I switch this on, on a clear night,
I can pick up the cordless phones
from the neighbours across the street.
Well, then, maybe there
is something to this.
And here.
You can hear all the radio
stations across the world.
[CHUCKLES]
[SWITCHING RADIO STATIONS]
MIKE SR: [RADIO] Late last night,
a number of scratch tickets
were stolen from a
Captain Quick location.
Details are scanty.
Mike Critch, VOCM News.
Of course, a lot of it's crap.
But still. Eh.
MAN: [RADIO] Mayday, mayday,
this is Eli's Pride
[SWITCHES STATION]
Wait, turn that back! That's a mayday!
What?
MAN: [RADIO] Mayday, mayday, mayday!
This is Eli's Pride!
Four men on board!
The boat is blue! We are going down!
Say something!
Uh, uh this is
Polaris in Newfoundland.
Uh, what is your position? Over.
MAN: 50, 18, 52 west.
50, 18, 52 north. Got it.
MAN: No, 50, 18, 52 west.
West, I said. West!
No, I think you're wrong
there. I wrote it down.
It was fift
Oh, for the love of God!
Well, tell Mike.
He'll know who to call.
My daughter-in-law has
gone to tell my son.
He, uh, he works at the radio.
Not this radio.
I mean, the real one, you know?
MAN: Is there anyone else out there?
Mayday, mayday! My
battery is dying! Mayday!
This is Eli's Pride mayday!
[RADIO BREAKS UP]
Oh, geez.
Mike is gonna call the coast guard.
He said that there is a
boat missing from St. Mary's.
Oh.
Yeah.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Sometimes
the worst thing you can hear
is nothing at all.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Woo!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Even
now I can't find the words
to describe that feeling.
Someone finally got me.
I got me.
I felt
Guilty.
You're on the bus early.
Pipped off.
When?
First period after assembly.
You just left school?
Well, technically I was in the basement,
but yeah.
You didn't even give it a chance.
I didn't need to.
I knew it sucked.
Everybody in there thinks
that they're better than us.
It's stupid.
Yeah. It's stupid.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): You
can still grow apart,
no matter how closely
your roots are tangled.
Pop?
You up?
Polaris reading you loud and clear.
Over.
I'm glad they found that boat.
You're a hero.
Oh, I, uh
Pfft
Hm. Eh
I mean
Coast guard had it covered.
But it was nice
To feel useful.
How about you? How was your big day?
Ah.
Amazing.
Really great.
Awesome.
Hm.
Good.
You know, maybe it's
because of this wall,
but it doesn't sound awesome.
I feel bad.
I love school.
And Ritche does too.
We have passions. But
Fox really hates it.
And I can't feel good when I feel bad.
Life's short.
Don't waste it living
someone else's life.
Just live your own.
Not everybody has a passion.
Even if it's a crazy one?
Mr. Lewis is the first teacher I've had
who takes being funny seriously.
Hm.
Ah, take a risk! Why the hell not?
It's like that boat that was sinking.
You know, a ship is always safe
when it's tied up at the dock.
But that's not what it's made for.
Night, Pop.
Night.
Ah.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Not
everyone has a passion in life.
If you do, you should chase it down
like it's the last bus of the night.
Come in, Iceland.
This is Polaris. Over.
JOHANSSON: [RADIO]
Ah, my Canadian friend!
Are you finally going to make a move?
Bishop to D7.
Checkmate, ya viking fish stick.
Over.
[CHUCKLES]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Like
a ship on the ocean,
if you don't get lost,
you'll never be found.
♪
["TRY TO REMEMBER" BY THE
BROTHERS FOUR ON RADIO]
the kind of September ♪
When life was slow ♪
And oh, so mellow ♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): New year,
new school, new uniform.
Well? How is it?
Purple.
It's not purple, it's maroon!
The Holy Heart colours.
I should know. I went there.
Right, 'cause it's a girls' school.
Was a girls' school!
Now it's co-ed!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): The
government was forcing
the Catholic school
board to end the practice
of separating the boys from
the girls in high school.
Rome had fallen!
MARK: "Holy heart of
Mary school for girls."
Well, I guess they had
to use up the old stock.
No one's gonna be able to read that.
It's sewn onto my chest!
Don't be so foolish!
When I was your age,
teenage boys couldn't wait
to get into a girls' school.
Hm!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): High school
was a chance at reinvention.
A whole new me.
A girl, apparently.
[KNOCKING]
Hey!
MARK: Yeah, Pop?
Can you come in here a minute?
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Pop and
I no longer shared a room,
so he replaced me
With a ham radio.
Here.
Hold that.
- Feel anything?
- No.
Oh, good. It's not that one, then.
Hmm.
You sure you know how to use this stuff?
Of course I do!
I've been in contact with Greenland,
Iceland, Newfoundland!
We live in Newfoundland, Pop.
Yeah, well, it's a big place.
- [RADIO BUZZING]
- Ah!
Contact!
When life was so tender ♪
[FRONT DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
Hey, Dad.
[SIGHS]
I thought you moved into
the basement apartment.
I did.
Something wrong with your fridge?
No.
[SONG CONTINUES ON RADIO]
You must love the independence, do ya?
Huh?
Forget it.
POP: [RADIO] This is Polaris,
transmitting shortwave.
Newfoundland, repeat.
This is Polaris, calling
Uniform Tango Foxtrot
Just one night. One night of peace!
Augh!
Come in, Iceland. This is Polaris.
What? You
Who's "Polaris"?
I am. That's my handle.
You never use your real name on this.
It's full of nutters.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Ham
radio was basically Twitter
with microphones.
Will you give it up?
Radio's not for amateurs!
Shh, quiet! I'm getting something here.
Pop's talking to Iceland.
He's talking to himself!
You'll never get a signal.
You're too close to
the VOCM transmitter.
- What's up with the purple?
- Oh, it's maroon!
Hmm.
Aw, it's the school for girls!
Don't you look so pretty?
Mom, he can read it!
Quiet, quiet! I'm talking to Iceland!
Uh, what's the weather like? Over.
NEWFOUNDLAND MAN: [RADIO]
Anyone free at the mall?
I got a job at the Strand
Lounge; Anyone handy?
MARY: Oh, for God's sake, Pop.
MAN 2: [RADIO] This is car
5. I'm at the Strand now.
Pop, that's the cab stand at the mall.
Alright. Enough of this.
Bed time.
Dad, do we have any mustard?
I have mustard. You do not.
Mark. School tomorrow.
[RADIO TURNS BACK ON]
[DISTANT RADIO VOICES]
Why'd you get into all this stuff, Pop?
I don't know, it's
You know, it's nice to
have someone to talk to.
Being here on my own,
it's quiet and I'm alone.
I can hang out.
MARY: Mark! Get to bed!
Right.
Uh, anyway, hey, high school. Big day.
Hm.
Well, if you need me,
just bang on the wall.
Night, Pop.
Night.
Anyone out there?
♪
Is there anyone out there?
Anyone?
ADULT MARK (V.O.): The world
seemed so much bigger back then.
But not as big as it was about to get.
[BUS HONKS]
MARK: What the heck?
Where is everybody?
Ah, just us St. Bridget's losers.
Nobody else on our route.
We got our own limo.
We're on the short bus.
Deadly!
FOX: This is gonna suck.
There are like five feeder schools,
and St. Bridget's is the welfare school.
And I can't believe I gotta
wear this stupid skirt.
I look like
Amazing.
Gross!
Bus driver, they're screwin'!
Hey!
They'll be none of that, young fella!
You move seats!
What the frig?
I can stay here all day.
I seen ya.
Oh yeah, you like watching
kids kiss, do ya, perv?
It's it's fine! Sorry.
- [CAR HONKING]
- What? Mark!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Well, at
least it couldn't get worse.
Right ?
["BUST A MOVE" BY YOUNG MC PLAYING]
♪
♪
♪
This here's a tale
for all the fellas ♪
Trying to do what
those ladies tell us ♪
Get shot down 'cause
you're overzealous ♪
Play hard to get,
females get jealous ♪
Okay, smarty, go to a party ♪
Girls are scantily
clad and showin' body ♪
A chick walks by, you
wish you could sex her ♪
But you're standing on the
wall like you was Poindexter ♪
Next day's function,
high-class luncheon ♪
Food is served and you're ♪
Dudes. We're screwed.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): What's
the point of finding yourself
if it all gets erased and you
have to start all over again?
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
So, come on, fatso,
and just bust a move! ♪
♪
Guys, this place is crazy.
I don't know anybody.
You know us.
We need to stay close.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Who to join? Jocks?
Pretty girls?
Nerds?
This was life or death.
Trust no one.
This island's a solid rock.
We gotta join a gang.
A gang?
But what one?
No one's ever busted out of here
and no one ever will.
Yet.
I may have found a way out of here.
I'm in.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
You should have joined the jocks.
I got a present for ya.
OFFICER BUTT: Get outta here.
He's gonna kill ya when I goes on break.
FATHER GARCIA: Hello,
Holy Heart Hooters!
How are ya?
My name is Father Garcia.
You know me as your parish priest.
But I'm a Jesuit priest,
and our mission is to teach.
Holy heart is no longer a girls' school,
so I have been asked to
be Holy Heart's first ever
boy principal!
Man principal!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Father
Garcia as principal?
Total pushover.
This was a cakewalk.
Nobody expected the sexes
to be coming together.
Bad choice of words! Um, you know what?
I'm just gonna introduce
your new vice-principal.
Huh?
Like me, she was reassigned
to fix this problem.
Opportunity.
Sister Rose!
[OMINOUS CHORAL MUSIC]
It can't be.
♪
Hello, children.
Teenage boys and teenage girls
In the same school.
A churning sea of hormones
that threatens to drown us all.
Well, not on my watch, missy!
I know the girls are
just as bad as the boys.
It takes two to tango.
And not only will there be no dancing
I don't even want to hear you hum!
[MIC FEEDBACK]
[SILENCE]
Go, Hooters! Hoot hoot!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
It seemed that, like an arrow,
I could only go forward
by being pulled backward.
Christ on a cracker! What are you doing?
I'm just gettin' a little
boost from the radio antenna.
Are you cracked? You're
gonna blow yourself up!
You know, Mary
You really don't understand, do you?
No, the, um
Amp-age is grounded in wavelengths
to the, um transmitter. Or something.
It's highly technical stuff, yeah?
Well, I'll tell you
what I do understand.
Mike didn't want those tommy-jiggers
in the house in the first place.
And if he finds out that
you are friggin' around
with that radio transmitter,
he's liable to shove
it up your ancient arse!
Beautiful.
[SIGHS]
- You know
- What?
You're right.
What are you gonna do?
[CHUCKLES]
Ah.
Hide in plain sight.
I got music next!
I'm stoked! What have you got?
Theatre art.
One day I wanna be paid to be an actor,
and now I'm being forced to act.
It's like the next best thing!
How about you, Fox?
Academic math?
That sucks!
You're good at math.
Yeah, I was good at math.
That was at St.
Bridget's. It's different.
[SIGHS]
I don't belong here.
Yeah, keep walking, dicks!
Well, well, well! Look
at the sooky babies.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Fox's older brother.
Bully turned drop-out, turned jailbird.
What are you doing here?
I thought you were supposed to
Not in jail no more. Got a job now.
Here. I'm a teacher.
- Janitor.
- Same thing.
I never told you 'cause this
is more embarrassing than jail.
Comes with a sweet pad and everything.
Luh.
Look at this!
Sweet, what?
I gets to live here.
Like a Ninja Turtle?
Or Phantom of the Opera. Nice.
Someone's gotta be here at all times.
That red light goes off means
these boilers are about to blow.
That happens, I gotta
press 9 on that phone.
It's like a suicide mission.
Music and theatre are
on the second floor.
We gotta jet.
You really gotta stay in school.
See ya later.
Later, losers!
Wait, wait
- What?
- Hang out with me for a bit.
- I got math.
- You got all year to fail math, b'y!
The Price is Right is coming on.
I used to love watching
that when I was home sick.
Come on.
It gets lonely down here.
Fine.
Yeah. Yeah.
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
Not everyone has a passion.
But I did.
[UPBEAT, HOPEFUL MUSIC]
♪
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): My classroom
was the biggest theatre
I'd ever seen. 1,100 seats!
Built by the nuns as a fortress
to showcase girl choirs
and keep boys out.
- I knew you'd take this class.
- Ah!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Cara.
Protestant Princess and former fling.
We'd been infiltrated.
Cara!
What are you doing here?
You're not Catholic.
We moved down the block.
They wouldn't take me
here because I was zoned
for the Protestant school.
That's a half-hour bus ride.
And I wasn't about to take a bus!
Of course.
So my mom helped me file
a human rights complaint.
I was being discriminated
against because of my religion.
So you go here now?
It's so good to know someone.
Okay, uh, personal space!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
My passion was theatre.
Fox's passion was punching.
MAN: [COUGHING]
Good morning, kids!
My name is, uh, Mr. Lewis.
Oh, it hurts every step.
Just agony.
Oh, please, sir, take a seat.
Why do you think I needed a chair?
Well, your your leg.
I mean, you have trouble walking.
What else?
You have a cane?
What else?
Your your back?
I mean, you seem to be in pain.
Do I?
- [CANE FALLS TO FLOOR]
- Or
[MAGICAL MUSIC STING]
Am I acting?
[APPLAUSE]
MR. LEWIS: See?
You only get one chance
to make a first entrance.
Right? To be interesting.
You gotta make the audience
want to know who you are.
Who are you?
- Huh?
- Who are you gonna be?
Well, I, uh well, I wanted
Well, don't tell us, man!
Show us!
Enter!
You know, you could plod
You could skip.
You could jog.
You could creep.
You could glide.
You could stagger.
Show us.
Enter.
MARK: Okay.
[CHEEKY MUSIC]
MR. LEWIS: Ah.
Ha-ha-ha!
Yeah, nice!
[APPLAUSE]
MR. LEWIS: Nice.
Now I know who you are.
You're an actor.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): I didn't
need to change to fit in.
I didn't need to become
a jock or a nerd.
I was
Me!
For the first time, I
knew that I was exactly
where I was supposed to be.
[DOOR CLOSES]
POP: Johansson, I do
believe it's your move.
JOHANSSON: [RADIO] King's
pawn to queen's bishop 3.
Check.
Queen's bishop 3
Damn.
- [RADIO STATIC]
- You're breaking up there.
Hello? You're ah.
[SILENCE ON RADIO]
Frozen prick.
I took the clothes in,
so your wire is naked.
- Oh, who cares?
- Hm?
I feel like a God in here!
I mean, I can hear all over the world!
I mean, Iceland, Halifax.
I can even get the police scanner.
And look at this, it's a baby monitor.
I switch this on, on a clear night,
I can pick up the cordless phones
from the neighbours across the street.
Well, then, maybe there
is something to this.
And here.
You can hear all the radio
stations across the world.
[CHUCKLES]
[SWITCHING RADIO STATIONS]
MIKE SR: [RADIO] Late last night,
a number of scratch tickets
were stolen from a
Captain Quick location.
Details are scanty.
Mike Critch, VOCM News.
Of course, a lot of it's crap.
But still. Eh.
MAN: [RADIO] Mayday, mayday,
this is Eli's Pride
[SWITCHES STATION]
Wait, turn that back! That's a mayday!
What?
MAN: [RADIO] Mayday, mayday, mayday!
This is Eli's Pride!
Four men on board!
The boat is blue! We are going down!
Say something!
Uh, uh this is
Polaris in Newfoundland.
Uh, what is your position? Over.
MAN: 50, 18, 52 west.
50, 18, 52 north. Got it.
MAN: No, 50, 18, 52 west.
West, I said. West!
No, I think you're wrong
there. I wrote it down.
It was fift
Oh, for the love of God!
Well, tell Mike.
He'll know who to call.
My daughter-in-law has
gone to tell my son.
He, uh, he works at the radio.
Not this radio.
I mean, the real one, you know?
MAN: Is there anyone else out there?
Mayday, mayday! My
battery is dying! Mayday!
This is Eli's Pride mayday!
[RADIO BREAKS UP]
Oh, geez.
Mike is gonna call the coast guard.
He said that there is a
boat missing from St. Mary's.
Oh.
Yeah.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Sometimes
the worst thing you can hear
is nothing at all.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Woo!
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Even
now I can't find the words
to describe that feeling.
Someone finally got me.
I got me.
I felt
Guilty.
You're on the bus early.
Pipped off.
When?
First period after assembly.
You just left school?
Well, technically I was in the basement,
but yeah.
You didn't even give it a chance.
I didn't need to.
I knew it sucked.
Everybody in there thinks
that they're better than us.
It's stupid.
Yeah. It's stupid.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): You
can still grow apart,
no matter how closely
your roots are tangled.
Pop?
You up?
Polaris reading you loud and clear.
Over.
I'm glad they found that boat.
You're a hero.
Oh, I, uh
Pfft
Hm. Eh
I mean
Coast guard had it covered.
But it was nice
To feel useful.
How about you? How was your big day?
Ah.
Amazing.
Really great.
Awesome.
Hm.
Good.
You know, maybe it's
because of this wall,
but it doesn't sound awesome.
I feel bad.
I love school.
And Ritche does too.
We have passions. But
Fox really hates it.
And I can't feel good when I feel bad.
Life's short.
Don't waste it living
someone else's life.
Just live your own.
Not everybody has a passion.
Even if it's a crazy one?
Mr. Lewis is the first teacher I've had
who takes being funny seriously.
Hm.
Ah, take a risk! Why the hell not?
It's like that boat that was sinking.
You know, a ship is always safe
when it's tied up at the dock.
But that's not what it's made for.
Night, Pop.
Night.
Ah.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Not
everyone has a passion in life.
If you do, you should chase it down
like it's the last bus of the night.
Come in, Iceland.
This is Polaris. Over.
JOHANSSON: [RADIO]
Ah, my Canadian friend!
Are you finally going to make a move?
Bishop to D7.
Checkmate, ya viking fish stick.
Over.
[CHUCKLES]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Like
a ship on the ocean,
if you don't get lost,
you'll never be found.
♪