Teen Titans (2003) s04e01 Episode Script

CONTROL FREAK: Nothing is wrong with your television.
Do not attempt to change the channel.
Your regularly scheduled program will not be seen because I am controlling the transmission.
I control the horizontal.
I control the vertical.
Those buttons on your remote that don't seem to do anything I know what they're for.
From this moment on, your television belongs to me Control Freak.
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY.]
Uh, guys? [ALARM BLARING.]
In here.
Hurry.
Now.
Beast Boy, what's the problem? The Mijo and Tito Show was a rerun, so I flipped over to watch Danger Team Five.
But it wasn't on because there was this little blue dot and this: Beep! BEAST BOY: And this voice is like, "I control the vertical.
" Then the dot got real big and Control Freak has taken over our TV.
Um Welcome back to Bass Nabbers.
Today we gonna catch us some fish.
Dude, where did he go? BEAST BOY: He was right there with the big face and Uh, Beast Boy, maybe you've just been watching a little too much television.
TV rots your brains.
Yeah, man.
When was the last time you turned off the tube? Um, I think I went out to the movies three weeks ago.
I wish to remind you that you did not actually go to the movies but merely observed a television program about a person who went to the movies.
Oh, yeah.
That was cool.
Right.
Look, Beast Boy, Control Freak can't be on TV.
He's locked up in jail where he belongs, remember? We interrupt this program for breaking news.
Authorities have just discovered that the dangerous criminal known as Control Freak has escaped from prison.
What did I say? ROBIN: Reports are coming in from all over the city.
Control Freak has been spotted on more than a dozen TV screens in the last half hour.
We need to find out where he's broadcasting from and pull the plug.
[BEEPING.]
We've got a lock.
WOMAN: Welcome home, dear.
Dinner's on the table.
Shall I fetch your newspaper and slippers? Golly, hon, that would be swell.
But Rebecca I'm still in love with your reincarnated, evil half-sister.
Oh, Joaquim.
[SOBS.]
PELICAN: I must find my pet hippo.
Please tell me where he went.
Is he skipping through a meadow? Or camping in a tent? [WOLF GROWLS.]
[HEROIC THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Dude, Clash of the Planets.
This is a classic.
I don't care how powerful you are, Baron Ryang.
I won't let you win.
Foolish human.
Have you forgotten that I control this star system? Have you forgotten that soon, I shall control the entire universe.
- Hello.
- Aah! Enjoying the show, Titans? Might as well just sit back and watch because you're never gonna catch me.
We will find out where you're hiding.
It's only a matter of time.
Who's hiding? I'm right here.
Heh, heh, heh.
Or am I here? Or here? Or over here? Or maybe here? The Control Freak is a dork, yes? He's in the building.
Find him.
He's not inside the building.
He's inside the TVs.
[CHUCKLES.]
We have the technology.
Yes! Control Freak is on the air.
A- ha, ha, ha, ha! Well, that's one way to break into television.
He turned himself into a broadcast waveform and he's flipping from channel to channel.
Control Freak hasn't just escaped from jail.
- He's escaped from reality.
- Huh? BEAST BOY: Uh, guys? BEAST BOY: Cool.
[WHISTLES.]
Got enough high-end equipment here to break half the laws of physics.
Can you reverse the process? Pull him back out? Think so.
I just need a little time to Aah! ALL: Aah! [GAME SHOW MUSIC AND APPLAUSE.]
Well, hey, there, everybody.
Hope you're as excited as I am, because you're the next contestants on Quiz Monkey.
My bad.
Okay.
We need to find Control Freak and get back out of Aah! All right, young lady, Each correct answer wins a fabulous prize.
Zero answers puts you in the cage with the quiz monkey.
[JIBBERING AND SCREECHING.]
- What's the capital of Liechtenstein? - Uh - When did Hannibal cross the Alps? - Uh - What was Spiro Agnew's middle name? - Hmm How many atoms in Ah! 3.
7625 times 10 to the 25th.
That is correct.
You've just won a new car.
[ENGINE REVS.]
CONTROL FREAK: Alrighty then, Titans.
You followed me in.
Now let's see if you can keep up.
Titans, go.
In other news Hey.
Booyah energy drink.
[COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING.]
You're scaring the fish.
[STARFIRE YELLS.]
End of the road.
Tell that to them Hooten Boys.
HOOTEN BOYS: Waa-hoo! [SINGING CHILDREN'S SONG.]
[ARMADILLO GUY GRUNTS.]
Don't move.
Uh-oh.
I'm still moving.
Isn't there some word the good guys are supposed to yell to make me stop? Freeze.
[ALARM BLARING AND BELL RINGING.]
Freeze? That's today's sloppy mess word.
And you know what that mean, kids.
Oatmeal! [GASPS.]
[CHILDREN LAUGHING.]
[SOUNDS OF AIRPLANE TOUCHING DOWN ON TARMAC.]
I wouldn't stand there if I were you.
[LOUD THUD.]
[IMITATING ROADRUNNER.]
Agent 257 to base.
I have the Reynaldi device.
[GRUNTING.]
Huh? Take him down.
Face it, Titans.
In the real world, I may be just another geek but in here, I'm the coolest.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY.]
[CONTROL FREAK WHOOPING AND YELLING.]
[LAUGHING CRAZILY.]
Where did he go? Perhaps he has flown away to someplace less creepy and bad-smelling.
Yeah.
What kind of nasty old show is this, anyhow? Ah It Came From Jones Lake.
Dudes, I've seen this before.
We're not in a TV show we're in a monster movie.
[GROWLS.]
[SCREAMS.]
Chill out, y'all.
This is TV.
The monster's not real.
It's just some dude in a costume.
That's not a costume.
Ah! [CYBORG YELLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GASPS.]
That thing may be fake in the real world But it's way real in here.
Then it's a good thing he's not our target.
We need to find Control Freak.
ROBIN: Split up.
CONTROL FREAK: The creature from Jones Lake, 7Gorn 7 and the Off-world Outlaw.
The most notorious villains in television history.
I suppose you're wondering why I've brought you all here.
The answer is quite simple.
Using all of your awesome powers [HISSES.]
I command you to seek out the Teen Titans and annihilate them.
[LAUGHING CRAZILY.]
So cool.
Master Hagadesch of the classic mini-series Invasion X.
I am ready to begin the training.
I already told you, I don't have time for this.
[IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT.]
Don't chicken out now, mate.
The world's watching Stuntfest to see eye-popping stunts and that's just what they're gonna get.
- I'm not going to Aah! [GRUNTING.]
Huh? Aah! Oh, Lance.
I didn't mean to make you fall madly in love with me.
But ever since Joaquim left with my evil half-sister Yo, I don't love you, my name's not Lance and I just need to know if you've seen a fat guy in an overcoat.
Oh, Lance.
What the? Hello? Anybody? Nice.
SPORTSCASTER: Oh! That had to hurt.
Let's look at the replay, Chuck.
I'm not sure why a Teen Titan is on the field in a championship game but this is just a great defensive play by the Steel City Tigers.
[OFF-AIR TONE.]
[CYBORG GRUNTS.]
[MONSTER GROWLS.]
[CYBORG GRUNTS.]
Would you like some more flapjacks, dear? Totally.
I mean gee whiz, Mom, that would be keen.
[JACKHAMMERING SOUNDS AND GRUNTING.]
Say, sport it says in the paper that your schoolmates are organizing a nifty sock hop.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, that must be the milkman.
[CRASHES LOUDLY AND MOTHER GASPS.]
Jeepers.
Oh, have you seen my hippo? He hides and I must seek.
I cannot play.
Please, do you know a strange man named Control Freak? He is big, not tall and nasty and known for causing strife.
He escaped into the TV.
BEAST BOY: Hey, Star, run for your life! [STARFIRE SCREAMS.]
Next on Stuntfest.
I'm gonna make this angry grizzly give me a piggyback [GRIZZLY GROWLS.]
Puh.
[GRIZZLY ROARS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRIZZLY ROARS AND ADVENTURER YELLS.]
- Thanks.
- Don't thank us yet.
We brought a friend.
[ROARING MIGHTILY.]
ANNOUNCER: The makers of Azarath and Metrion are proud to introduce Zinthos.
New and improved Zinthos gives you exactly what you need exactly when you need it.
And because it's blue, Zinthos goes with everything.
Zinthos isn't right for everyone.
May cause bloating, cramping, hair loss, visions, rage and growth of additional eyes.
Children under 3 should not be exposed.
Do not get wet, and never feed it after midnight.
Trouble meditating, stop saying Zinthos and consult your ancient scrolls immediately.
New blue Zinthos.
Dude, those were three of the baddest bad guys ever.
And we totally kicked their butts.
But we still haven't found Control Freak.
CONTROL FREAK: True, grasshopper.
But I have found you.
And guess what.
[AS KEANU REEVES.]
I know kung fu.
Whoa! [YELLING AND GRUNTING.]
I'm not just some nerd you can push around anymore.
Thanks to the magic of television, I now possess a black belt in astro-jitsu the Bionic Hero's rocket boots Benthar's wristbands of power and Captain Kaleel's infamous gravoblaster.
And in English? He's one seriously bad dude.
[AS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER.]
Hasta la vista, Titans.
[YAWNS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[IN FRENCH ACCENT.]
And when the chocolate has melted, we add the snails.
[GASPS AND MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY.]
I cannot work in these conditions.
Oh, hippo, my hippo, I have missed you so.
[KARATE YELL.]
Engage.
Well, at least things can't get any worse.
This just in.
Interference by the criminal Control Freak has caused televisions throughout the city to emit harmful alpha-waves, which disrupt the neural pathways of anyone watching the broadcast.
Huh? TV literally rots your brains.
Told you.
My guest tonight is Dr.
Victor Payton who has discovered the secret to world peace.
Tell me, doctor Aah! Do not watch this program.
It will liquefy your brain.
An escaped criminal has tampered with this transmission and it is imperative that you turn off your television right now.
I'm serious.
Stop watching this show.
I don't think they're listening.
Of course, they're not listening.
Breaking news, escaped criminals a handsome green heartthrob.
This stuff is ratings gold.
If people won't turn off their TVs there's only one way to save millions of viewers.
We've gotta stop Control Freak fast.
But how are we to do this? Inside the television, he is more powerful than Glorthrok the all-seeing.
Yeah, the dude knows everything in here.
Hello.
He's not the only one who's watched too much TV.
I've wasted my whole life in front of the tube and it's about to pay off.
Come on.
- Five hundred channels.
- And still nothing on.
CYBORG: He could be anywhere.
There.
The Space Network is having a Clash of the Planets marathon.
If I was Control Freak, and I am so glad I'm not, that's where I'd be.
Please, this Clash of the Planets is? Only the greatest sci-fi series ever made.
For an entire generation of fans, it's not just a TV show it's a way of life.
[SWORDS HUMMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
RYANG: Mura Kam has taught you well.
This ends now.
On the contrary my reign of evil has just begun.
I shall never be defeated.
Nev [YELLING.]
Who are you? I am Count Rol Freako the 12th-level space samurai who trained Baron Ryang.
And I am your father.
No! Hey, I remember this scene.
We're in the first episode of Season 4.
How do you know we're going the right way? Because we just passed the engine core.
We're right below the detention level.
All we have to do is follow the main particle flux conduit to the galactic command center.
Frightening.
Truly frightening.
ROBODRONE: Identify yourselves.
You don't need to see our identification.
Worth a shot.
Aah! [YELLING AND GRUNTING.]
Titans, go.
There can be only one.
[ALL GRUNTING.]
[CYBORG YELLS.]
[ROARS.]
Your powers are insignificant next to the power of Control Freak.
[YELLS.]
[CONTROL FREAK YELLS AND ELEPHANT TRUMPETS.]
[ALL YELLING AND GRUNTING.]
I don't care how tough you are, dude.
There's no way I'm letting you win.
Foolish, snot-colored human.
Have you forgotten that I am a 12th-level space samurai? Have you forgotten that in here I control the universe? No, but I've seen every episode of this show like 300 times.
And I think you've forgotten that a 12th-level space samurai can be banished to the null dimensions by the Hak Joon Chant.
[CHANTING.]
[IN AGONY.]
Aah! No! But But But this is my world.
I'm cool here.
- You guys can't win.
- Dude, this is television.
The good guys always win.
BEAST BOY: And you are so not the good guys.
Please tell me you know how to get us home.
[SILKIE SNORING.]
Well, I guess this whole experience proves it really is bad to watch too much TV.
But truthfully, we only prevailed because Beast Boy watches too much the television.
- So there really isn't a lesson here.
CYBORG: Yep.
It was all completely meaningless.
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGH TRACK LAUGHTER.]