That's So Raven (2003) s04e01 Episode Script

1 And that's how whales communicate.
You are very Whalecome.
Get it? Whale-come? Yes, we get it.
Thank you so much, Chelsea, for that fascinating presentation.
Who knew whales were so chatty? Our next hobby time volunteer is Raven Baxter.
All right.
Thank you, thank you.
Hey, hey, littles.
How y'all doin' today? Ok.
Well, my hobby is the coolest, because I design my own clothes.
Bor-ing! Well, aren't you a cute little Ray of sunshine.
What's your name? Raven, this is Sydney, and she's going to behave now.
Ok, who would like to learn how to make their own clothes? There's a new invention, lady.
It's called the store.
Rae, I know you ain't gonna let these little kids get on you like No, no.
You know I ain't.
You know I ain't.
Listen, Sydney, I got a new invention for you, too.
And, yeah, it's called a A be quiet machine.
Bam.
You should've bought a joke machine, 'cause you ain't funny.
Yep, that's me.
if you wanna learn to rap and you think you're really ready join the happy rappin' class and don't forget my name is Eddie! See, y'all bustin' rhymes already! Spaghetti.
Thank you, Eddie.
That presentizzle was off the hizzle You got it.
Kinda.
And thank you, Chelsea, and Raven, for your wonderful presentations.
And now, boys and girls, it's hobby club sign-up time.
You can join Eddie's happenin' rappin' club That's what's up.
Chelsea's whale appreciation club And last but not least, Raven's fashion club.
Yes.
I am gonna teach you everything I know about fashion.
That shouldn't take long.
Sydney, that's enough.
Ok, kids, the sign-up sheets are on the wall.
This was so helpful.
We are so short on money and equipment, I cannot thank you guys enough for volunteering.
Ok, let's see who signed up.
Chelsea, nice response.
Eddie, you've got a good group.
And Raven eew.
What, eew? It looks like you only have one sign-up.
That can't be right.
Check the back.
Well No, just one.
Well, which one? That one.
Oh, snap! Thanks, Cory.
My dad said I can leave my presents in here.
Yeah, no problem, man.
Hey, this Bar Mitzvah party is off the hook, man.
The music is great, the food is slammin', and I love that statue of you in chopped liver.
My uncle Ira's like the Michelangelo of chopped liver.
Yeah.
Hey, man, I don't want to bum you out, but there's a lot of people out there, and You didn't get that many presents.
That's because at a Bar Mitzvah most people give money.
That's all Money? You get paid for just turning 13? Well, it's more than that.
It's a spiritual journey.
In the Jewish religion, when you turn 13, you become a man.
Yeah.
A rich man.
Son, you can't have a Bar Mitzvah.
Why not? For one thing, you're not Jewish.
All right, I'll give you that, but, hey, I'm turning 13 next week and I want to throw a party.
You told me you were too old to have a birthday party.
See, this isn't just a regular birthday party.
You should have seen Larry's Bar Mitzvah.
He had all his family and friends there to witness him becoming a man.
It was a very moving and beautiful spiritual journey.
Son, I see your point, but you still can't have a Bar Mitzvah.
Wh-what if I call it A Bro Mitzvah? A Bro Mitzvah? Well, that does sound kinda cool.
And 13 is a very important birthday.
Very important.
What do you say, dad? Hey, we can throw it at the Chill Grill and I'll take care of all the details.
Well Sounds like you really are becoming a man.
Ok, we're gonna throw you a Bro Mitzvah.
Yes! Thank you, dad.
Thank you.
And trust me, it's gonna be very rewarding.
That little nasty, keeping me waiting.
Sydney, you are late! Not late enough.
You're still here.
Are you just here to make fun of me? No.
I'm gonna make fun of your hair, too.
You know what? That was just mean.
No, wait.
I really like your hair.
They why are you clowning? I don't know.
'Cause it's funny? It's not funny when someone's feelings get hurt.
Besides, a lot of people worked hard on my hair.
See? Good one? Not bad.
I could use that in my act.
You have an act? Well, you know, I'm workin' on it.
I'm gonna be a comedian one day.
Really? A comedian? So you like to make people laugh.
Well, don't you think you can do that without insulting people? I don't know if I can do that.
I bet you can.
You just have to think about Stuff that's funny in your life.
Ok, ok.
What happened to you in school today? School, girl? Don't get me started! What?! Second grade ain't no joke.
Man, I miss kindergarten.
Big pencils, long naps, all the paste you can eat! If they didn't want us to eat it, why do they make it smell so good? I don't know why they did.
I don't know.
But I used to eat the paste.
It was great.
I loved it.
See? It's funny 'cause it's true.
You know what? You could be a famous comedian one day.
Hey, son, how's that spiritual journey coming? What? Right, right, right, the journey? Yes.
It is taking me right to the bank.
Brink.
Just mangled it.
And now I know why they call it a seesaw.
I'm so saw, I can't even see it.
I don't even know what you're talkin' about and I am crackin' up.
Hey, dad, Cory, check out my new friend Sydney.
You like our outfits? Bam! Bam! Raven helped me make it.
Yes, I did! My, yes, I did.
Well, it's a pleasure to finally meet you, Sydney.
You know, Raven told me everything you say is hilarious.
Thanks.
Y'all got a bathroom? Now, that's funny.
No, seriously, y'all, I really gotta go.
Through there to your right.
What a sweet little cutie.
Yeah! She was a little nasty, little nasty before I became her role model.
Actually, we've really been making a breakthrough with this comedy thing.
I've been helping her write some of her jokes.
Yeah.
You? Yeah! You've been writing jokes? You're not funny.
Hey! Hey! Yes, I am.
Ok, ok.
Name one funny thing you've ever done.
The Turkey leg.
Thanksgiving.
Remember? Remember? I was singing into it like a microphone? Do ya like it? Do me proud do ya like it? Do me proud Remember? No, no.
That was not funny.
You had to be there.
I was there.
You know what? This is not even about me.
The point is, is that we are really making a breakthrough with Sydney, and I think it would be a good thing if she did some of her jokes at your party.
No, no, no, no.
I cannot afford entertainment.
She's hired.
She's free.
Hey, what you all talkin' about? Actually, we were talking about you.
How would you like to do some of your jokes at Cory's party? Really? Yeah! You could be performing in front of all our friends and relatives.
They're gonna love you.
You'll feel like part of the family.
Family? You mean there's more of you? I guess the circus has come to town.
Wait a minute.
That's not even funny.
I thought you were gonna be nice.
You can be nice by yourself.
I'm outta here! Sydney! Man, she's gonna make me run.
Have you guys seen Sydney? No, haven't seen her.
I saw her come into the building.
She has to be in here somewhere.
Well, what happened? I don't even know.
Everything was cool until I told her she could tell jokes at my brother's Bro Mitzvah.
Well, you know, maybe she doesn't speak, hebro.
Or maybe she just has stage fright, Rae.
I don't even know.
However, I'm sure it not the hebro thing.
Dude, that was so funny.
But all of a sudden she turned back into a little nasty.
I don't know what to do, you guys.
What part of "leave me alone" don't you understand? Now I know what I'm gonna do.
I'm done with that kid.
Why? What'd you see? She's gonna slam the playhouse door in my face.
Well, Rae, it's just a cardboard door.
But it still hurts, chelse.
I give up.
You can't get through to these kids.
It's hobby time! Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie! Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea! Eddie, Eddie, Eddie! Eddie Enjoy it now, 'cause they gonna turn on you.
I'm gonna leave before it gets ugly.
Excuse me, can I have your attention, please? I really want to thank everybody for coming out to help Cory celebrate his special day.
And now, without any further ado, the man himself, Cory Baxter.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You know, I'm glad you could all be here for this this deeply spiritual occasion.
Yes, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you all in advance for your overly generous gifts.
Especially you, uncle Steve! You hear that, cousin Ralph? Thank you, and enjoy the party, everyone.
All right? Thank you.
Take it, Phil.
You know, I am starting to think that Cory is only in this for the money.
Ya think? Hey, hey.
Y'all are late.
I stopped down at the community center.
You vision was right, Rae.
Sydney's stuck in the playhouse.
Miss Valentine can't get her to come out.
Yeah.
She's even gonna have to call her foster parents.
Foster parents? Yeah.
Her real parents aren't around anymore.
Yeah.
And miss Valentine said that Sydney's been bounced around from family to family to family.
The kid's had a pretty tough time of it.
I guess it didn't help that I gave up on her? Man, now, this girl's about to make me run again.
You better run, then, girl.
Sydney, please come out.
Raven.
Sydney, Raven's here.
Tell her I moved! Could I just have a few minutes with her? Good luck.
I'll be right in the hall if you need me.
Peace out.
I gotta stop doing that.
Sydney.
Leave me alone! Sydney, if I did anything to make you angry, I am truly sorry.
What part of "leave me alone" don't you understand? Sydney, now, if you don't come out, I am coming in! Sydney! All right, girl, I'm coming after you.
Sydney! Sydney! I'm too big for this, Sydney! Sydney? Where'd you go? Sydney! Sydney, come on, we have to talk.
No, we don't.
Yes, we do.
I have to talk to you, Sydney.
I can't Sydney? Sydney? Sydney! Sydney! Sydney, listen.
I'm sorry if I put you on the spot.
Ok? But you don't have to perform at my brother's Bro Mitzvah if you don't want to.
It's not that.
Then what is it? Forget it.
You don't care.
Do you really believe that? Yeah.
No.
I don't know.
Of course I care.
Ok? I wouldn't have Let you meet my family if I didn't.
Who said I wanted to meet them? Well, don't you like to meet new people? No.
Why not? Because as soon as you get to like them You you have to leave.
And you never see them again.
Has that happened to you, Sydney? Well That's not gonna happen with us.
How do you know? You just have to trust me.
I don't know.
Hey, you guys.
Hi.
How's everything going with Sydney? Is it cool? Yeah.
I got her out of the playhouse, but I don't know if she's ever gonna trust me again.
There you are.
Ok, where's my free entertainment? It's showtime.
I don't think she's coming.
She had a really rough day.
I was counting on the laughter to put our guests in a "giving" mood.
You know what? I promised you a comic, and a comic is what you're gonna get.
Yeah.
Excuse me.
What do you think you're doing? I'm gonna tell some jokes.
I told you, you're not funny.
Watch and laugh, little bro, ok? Thank you.
Excuse me, you guys! Excuse me, excuse me.
Hello, everybody! Hi! What is up?! I am Raven Baxter.
The owner's gotta be nice to me.
Ok? Where's my light at? Bam! Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
Thank you.
Y'all want to hear some jokes? Yes, you do.
You know you do.
Y'all got any? That was a joke, y'all.
Ok.
So there was a bear, a rabbit, and a turtle, and they were walking through the woods, and the bear was, like, yo, let's go get something to eat.
So the bear and the turtle were, like, yeah, for sure, we'll go get something to eat.
That's no problem at all, right? So they went to the restaurant and they asked the waiter can they get some soup? The waiter said, "what kind of soup do you want?" And the bear says, "some turtle soup.
" But the turtle says, "wait, man, why you gotta have turtle soup?" So then they were, like, "there is a hare up in my soup.
" You get it? You get it? It cracked me up.
H- a-r-e.
That's funny, y'all.
He's laughin' with me.
What up, Cory? Hey, come back, y'all.
I ain't finished with you.
I haven't finished y'all Cory Dad, did you know that your side of the family's gifts are 40% below projection? Larry, could you please explain to Cory what the meaning of a Bar Mitzvah really is? Sure.
Now.
Well According to Jewish law, when a boy turns 13, he becomes a Bar Mitzvah.
Which actually means son of the commandment.
So, it's not about just throwing a party and getting gifts.
No.
I had to do a lot of studying.
Learn to read and write in Hebrew, recite prayers, and also do a lot of thinking about my life and the kind of person I want to be.
So what did you come up with? Well I think part of becoming a man means it's time for me to start taking more responsibility for my actions.
Nice.
Anything else? Girls.
I'd like to start dating and, you know, calling 'em up on the phone.
You see that, Cory? Larry's not a man because he said so and he threw a party.
Larry's a man because he started to act like one.
Yeah.
Are you disappointed in me, dad? Well Yeah.
Throwing this party to get this money is something I would expect from Cory the boy.
Yeah.
I guess you expected more from Cory the man.
Perhaps Cory the man should expect more from himself.
O Turkey leg, o Turkey leg, wherefore art thou, Turkey leg? You are in my stomach, Turkey leg.
Yes, you are.
Hey, Turkey! Stuff it! Who's sayin' that? You don't know nothin' about no comedy.
I know you're dyin' up there.
So, I got some food.
You ain't eatin'.
I am so glad you came! Ok, everybody, I'm stopping now! Get off the stage! You know what? That is wrong! That is so wrong.
Y'all are family.
Y'all ain't gettin' none of this Turkey leg, either.
Everybody, my friend Sydney.
Hook it up.
How y'all doin'? Yeah! My name is Sydney, and, yes, I'm a girl.
I have been at school all day.
You got math, you got social studies, you got boys.
You know the ones I mean The little ones that smell like cookies and dirt.
So after everything we discussed, it's still only about the money.
Yeah.
I got some big plans for this dough.
Like what? A flat-screen TV and a new entertainment system? Way better than that.
Look at all these toys.
It's like Christmas, y'all.
Yeah.
You even got a new playhouse.
Sorry about the last one, y'all.
Yeah, but who bought all this stuff? I don't know.
The card just says, "from the man.
" Well, let's give it up for the man.