The Sandman (2022) s04e01 Episode Script

1
To pluck or not to pluck,
that is the question.
No body hair? Minimal body hair?
Should be like a totally
personal choice, right?
No, it's a stigma - a crime
- especially in young girls.
But we all buy into it:
the creams, the razors, the
wax strips, the threading.
Time for the big guns.
Full Brazilian, mini Brazilian,
Brazilian North, Brazilian South,
Brazilian total body, and that's
just my search history page!
We're black, we're mousey,
we're blonde, we're straight,
we're curly, we're ginger
We're dirty blonde, and rude!
We're one thing at home
and another in school.
We're whoever we need to
be to fit in. To blend in.
But when can we ever just be ourselves?
So, this, oh, my best
beloved, is a story:
a new and wonderful story,
a story quite different
from other stories: my story,
of how the invisible girl child
came to be seen: first by you.
And hopefully, later, by them.
You know, you going to be OK here.
I'm sure I will, Auntie.
Any problems, you come straight to me.
- Y'know, 'cos I am like staff huh. So
- OK.
Listen, everything that happen
in Manchester, stay in Manchester.
- I promise. I'll do my best for you, Auntie.
- OK. Good!
By forcing me to remove my jewellery,
this school is guilty of taking part
in an act of repression in alliance
with a Masonic Pakistani
Patriarchal Society.
The alliteration "Pakistani Patriarchal"
is particularly effective,
if somewhat clumsy.
In the box, please.
Nose piercing, as well.
Pick them up after school, thank you.
- You all right?
- Hey.
Oh, my God, where are your piercings!
- Didn't you get any done?
- No.
Mum wouldn't let me get my nose pierced,
said it made me look too foreign.
Oh, my God!
- Gypsies?
- What the hell is going on here?!
- No! No!
- No! Stop!
You can't do this! Sling your hook!!
What do you think you are
playing at? You are on a horse.
This is a "Direct Action".
The council have closed
our permanent site,
so we're going to be stopping
here with you, on your school.
Then take your fight
to the council, not us.
I've got a school to run - now do one -
otherwise I'll be forced
to take a "direct action".
There's not a lot you can do.
I could call the authorities
- Lorraine - Where is she?
- I'm here
- Hold on a minute, Lorraine,
just check sections 61 and 62
of the Criminal Justice and
Public Order Act of 1994.
And whilst you're at it, look
up the Equality Act of 2010.
So, you'll find you don't
have a leg to stand on.
You see, the police can't do
owt because it's a civil offence
and not a criminal offence.
- Just you listen to me
- Also,
section 62 of the act allows
a senior police officer
to direct a person off land,
only if there is an alternative
pitch or relevant campsite.
How about you get off that horse
because you are not wearing a
helmet, you are on school grounds.
That's health and safety.
- That's my law.
- We'll be registering today as well.
It's that or the social
services'll put us in care.
Ain't happening, we're fully booked.
Only a couple of weeks.
Official, like, then
I'll get myself expelled
- and be lost in the system.
- Not going to happen.
No!
They have just as much right to
be here in this school as I have.
- Not now, Fizza, I am in conflab
- All kids, irrespective of colour,
- creed
- Or body ornamentation.
Or body ornamentation
- have the right to an education.
- We don't need you to defend us.
- Erm
- sorry, I'm just showing solidarity?
- No such word.
I'm an activist!
We don't need outsiders.
Skenning Emma, Mr Evershed.
I know you wanted to introduce
a new regime to the school
but this is taking the biscuit
where's this lot come from?
HE CLEARS THROA
Because I'm sure we can
accommodate allcomers.
- We can?
- Diversity and inclusivity
is what Ackley Bridge and
the Valley Trust is about.
Give it a couple of weeks and we'll
palm them off onto other schools.
- Share the burden.
- You can't do that.
Hey. Think about the
funding bump next year.
Pupil premiums, come on down!
We hit all the demographics. We
got the whites, we got the Asians
now we got the gypsies.
Hey, let's get this paperwork finished.
I feel a press release
coming on! Ker-ching
What's he got that I haven't?
White skin.
- I threatened his male privilege.
- You think?
Maybe they don't understand our ways.
You know, like untouched
tribes in the Amazon.
You saying that I was patronising?
You did have your
save-the-whale voice on.
Sorry hope I'm not disturbing you.
I just wanted to say
sorry about earlier.
Y'know with my friend? Fizza?
She was just trying to help you
- With what?
- Everything really,
she loves a good cause,
not that I'm saying you're a cause
- or even if you had a cause -
which I'm sure would be
a good one if, you know,
if you had one
Oh, my God, I love horses.
- She's so cute. What's her name?
- Bandit.
Hello, Bandit, hi, my name's Marina
and I've come to ask
your daddy to a party,
yes, a very exclusive one.
Bring a friend. Or a few.
You can come too, Bandit.
I used to have a toy rocking horse
with a long bushy tail like this.
I used to spend hours
plaiting it up in
HORSE DEFECATES
Well if you weren't full
of wind before, you are now.
- Shut it, Mowgli.
- Is that necessary?
Oh, my God! Racist, that, innit?!
MOVE!
You look better without
the septum ring, anyway
made you look a bit piggy.
- Nice piggy, though.
- Ahh, thanks.
Oh, my God!
- LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
- She looks like a werewolf!
- What is it?
- Nothing.
Come on, let's just
leave it let's go.
Fair dos, Kayla, yeah, respect.
I've got excessive nostril hair.
Oi
How could you do this to her?
Just need the right camera angle.
Yeah, how's that!
My phone!
So report me! Go on!
Consider yourself
uninvited to my party
Wow, that guy's got serious
anger-management issues.
Pick it up.
Pick it up.
Kayla!
- Are you OK?
- 'Course I'm not.
I'm the school joke!
No, you're not.
The more I wax, the
thicker it comes back -
they're even on my bum now! How am
I supposed to see to shave my bum?
OK. Can I just stop you there, Kay,
cause I've actually got Johnny
standing right here with me.
Oh!
Why did you do that to me?
To teach you a lesson.
So next time you get in my
face - with your smart gob -
you'll think twice before showing off.
- I wasn't doing anything.
- You don't have to
you just being there is enough.
- Why do you hate me so much?
- 'Cos you get on my nerves,
'cos every time you walk in a room,
all my friends turn and look at me,
'cos you're brown and me and mum aren't!
Hey! Hey! Hey! What's going on! Stop it!
She started it! It were her.
I didn't raise you to be a racist.
What are those for?
I have to go and stay
with your Aunt Kate,
- while she's having her chemo.
- Are we coming?
You can't very well come with
all that going on, can you?
You're both going to go and
stay with your dad, Kayla.
Me dad! No. No. I'm
not staying with him.
And I'm not, either.
So I'll go stay with my dad.
Don't you think I asked?
He's not available.
So you both are just going to
have to get your heads round it.
Now, get upstairs and
pack a couple of bags.
SHE SHRIEKS
Isn't my life hard enough as it is?
You're just making it
worse sending us there!
Hiya, Dad
- Marina.
- Mr Afzal.
Salaam alaikum.
Hi, you all right ?
God! Not even your own lot like you.
- Your dad looked dead embarrassed.
- He didn't.
That house smells of curry.
The bed smells of curry.
And the food smells of curry!
That's because it is curry!
Oh, you think you're
so funny, don't you?
Well, you weren't laughing
when your big, hairy, freak body
was exposed to the world!
That shut you up, didn't it?
You had to get your gypsy boyfriend
- to come and stick up for you!
- What?
Oh, yeah. Like you didn't know.
You tell him this from me, all right?
Next time he threatens or
touches anything of mine,
I am going straight to the police!
He's about all a hairy freak
of nature like you can get.
That one.
LAUGHTER
- Go on. Pay the lady, Saleem.
- Let it ride.
Again? You're cleaning me out.
Let it ride.
CROWD: Ooh!
- You are a scammer.
- Takes one to know one.
This could be the start of
a beautiful relationship.
I'm a lesbian.
- Ooh!
- I like a challenge.
Greetings to you all
I come in peace.
Erm
I just wanted to say thank you for
And, just so you know, there
was some Photoshop chicanery
And, as you can see for
yourself, I am not that hairy.
Admittedly, I do have body hair, but not
unlike any pubescent girl of my age.
You know, puberty is a natural
thing for boys and girls, you know
Our bodies change. We,
erm We smell different.
Boys, like you, get bigger
and taller and much
wider across the chest.
Girls' nipples get bigger.
WHINNYING
Anyway
I thank you for your hospitality.
Farewell
to you.
SHE MOUTHS TO HERSELF
Hey.
Look. There's Marinas in every
school I've been in, yeah?
If they're weren't picking
on you, it'd be one of us.
I couldn't even get on
the bus this morning. Me!
I haven't missed a day in years.
Well, I can, erm
I can walk you in, if you like?
Yeah.
Come on.
- Hi, Chewbacca!
- LAUGHTER
You ready?
Come on.
They were cheating!
- I want my money back!
- If you can't pay, you can give us a snog.
- Listen, I promise I won't tell anyone.
- Problem?
- This gorger wants a snog 'cos I can't pay.
- Come on!
I'm not Harvey Weinstein!
It was just a joke, OK?
We don't joke about things like that.
GASPING
That were uncalled for, thug!
Well, nobody said anything
when he broke my phone!
- Up you get.
- Get off! You just hit me, you head-case!
Stop whining, eh? Shake and make up.
- Be a man.
- Right. I don't want to hear any excuses.
- You're in Resolve.
- That's racial profiling!
You too, Trotsky. In
fact, you, you, and you.
- No, but I'm the good one! So
- Tell it to the judge!
What's bloody going on? Huh?
- Gambling is against the school rules.
- Mum,
- it was
- Chup!
At school you call me Mrs Paracha.
Hiding a chana in cups?
And you, Tahir, I'm
very surprised at you.
I thought you were a good boy.
- KNOCKING
- Hey.
No. No, no.
Sam has something she
wants to say to you, Kaneez.
- Mrs Paracha.
- You what?
- In school she wants to be called
- Chup!
They're mine.
The cup game's mine.
- I got Tahir to run it for me.
- Saleem.
Saleem to run it for me.
Yeah, they're hers. She gave them to me.
And remember she was a bad
influence on our Nas as well, Mum
Uh, Mrs Paracha.
- They were lesbians together.
- Ah! Chup! Chup!
BELL RINGS
Thanks for that. So, er,
- have you been invited to Marina's party tonight?
- Yeah.
- Can I come with you?
- No.
- I'll cry.
- Still no.
- Ah, now am I late or are you early?
- No, I'm early.
Thought I'd pop in and
get my bearings back.
Come on. It's not been that long.
Oh, it feels like a very
long time, believe me.
Right, well, we can talk about
handing it all back to you.
Because after the start to term
I've had, you are welcome to it.
Right. Yes. That's what I
need to talk to you about.
'Cos, erm, I'm not coming back.
Well, not as Head, anyway.
Come on.
Perfecting your circus act?
PHONE BUZZES
That'll be your phone breaking
the rules of school and Resolve.
Can I just say, Kayla,
as a woman with no little
experience in these matters,
"We are, who we are"?
And you are of a very hirsute race
Uh, I hope by that, you
mean human race, Miss Carp?
Asian women don't have a
monopoly of androgenic hair.
Oh. Andro-what?
Body hair has no geographical
borders and neither does ignorance,
as you've just proved
with that ill-informed,
badly judged statement.
I think you'll find that men
may feel very differently.
I don't care what men
want. It's my body.
If it were up to men we'd be
shaved, shackled and shoved indoors.
Just offering a bit of succour.
- You all right, Kay?
- No. I'm not.
Now, everyone has an opinion on
body hair they want to share with me.
You need to nip these things in the bud.
Punching them, like you do?
I were defending my sister's honour.
Defending your own, more like.
We share the same honour.
Family, friends, it's worth defending.
I'm not that sort of girl.
All right, I'm a blender. I blend in.
If you blend in, no-one notices.
Didn't work for you yesterday.
It's not that simple.
- Marina doesn't hate me, she just
- Doing a pretty good impression!
Nah. It's about other things.
You know, being half Pakistani,
- she hates that I can understand
- Oh, for God's sake, Kayla.
Will you just grow up?
Look, this is unacceptable!
You just let her walk all
over you and it's got to stop.
- Only you can stop it.
- Punch her lights out!
Mm. No, no. We're not
resorting to violence.
All right. We've got
to be smarter than that.
Look, I've got I've got an idea,
but you've got to trust me.
Do you trust me?
- It depends.
- Right, look.
You've got to put this
Kardashian wannabe in her place.
All right? And it will only
work if you take centre stage.
Look, I'll be with you
the whole way, all right?
Yeah.
Right?
Revenge is a dish best served hairy!
We've got a party to crash.
Want to see how it's done
properly, Mouth Almighty?
POUNDING DANCE MUSIC
MUSIC STOPS
- COMPLAINING
- Somebody sort the music out!
Go away, you stupid, little girl!
- BOOING
- Off, off, off!
I think she's gonna speak!
Hello!
Just thought I'd bring a little,
light entertainment to your evening.
Hope you don't mind, but
there was some things
left unsaid the other day.
It may have been
muffled by my moustache.
GENTLE LAUGHTER
I say moustache, but it's actually
more like a very low monobrow.
LAUGHTER
I can laugh at myself,
right? But not everyone can,
and we need to be kinder about that.
Especially those closest to us.
Marina, I may be a
different colour to you,
hairier than you, as you pointed
out on my fundraiser page.
Raised 25 quid, by the way.
Bought myself an electric tweezer set.
The "Quicka-Plucka-Sucka".
Yeah, thanks for that.
But I'm still your sister.
And what can be funny
can be hurtful as well.
So, come on! This is 2021, people!
We've all got something odd or quirky
we don't like about our bodies,
which is nothing to be ashamed of.
In fact, let's celebrate
our individuality.
This is me. Take it or leave it.
I'm too sexy for my love ♪
Too sexy for my love ♪
Love's going to leave me ♪
CHEERING
Can we agree to be nicer to each other?
I have hairy toes.
Love them!
And so it came to
pass, oh, best beloved,
that, me, the girl child,
was never really lost,
just too scared to see who I was.
We all need courage to
step out of the shadows,
but we forget our friends
are there to help us do that.
No more hairy school girl or
Marina's dodgy Pakistani
half-sister or Fizza's kooky friend.
Only me from now on
Kayla.
And I like me.