Ugly Betty s04e01 Episode Script

Last season on Ugly Betty You're our newest features editor.
Oh, my God! Cal and I have been talking, and we decided we need to reevaluate your role in the company.
Connor Owens.
- You want him alive? As long as I get the money, I really don't care.
What are you doing here? I'm sick.
It's cancer.
The only thing I care about is the time we have left.
I'm moving in with Matt.
- Do you love him? - I do.
I guess this is goodbye.
- What are you saying? - We're over.
You're just gonna walk away, I'm never gonna see you again? My dad offered me a job at Mode and I'm going to take it.
I'm your new boss.
They were like gnarly monster teeth.
Like Like Gollum or someone from the deep backwoods of England.
You're just nervous about your first day as a features editor.
That's true.
I read a book about dreams that says teeth dreams means you have anxiety.
Or menopause.
But I don't think that's the case here.
When are those things coming off anyway? Soon.
The orthodontist scheduled me for a few months from now.
Ah, it's about freaking time.
Yay! Hey, Hilda, do you think you could trim my bangs? Maybe, but I'm kind of liking the look.
Yeah, I kind of can't see.
Good morning! - Hey! - Hi! - Justin, my little man! - First day of school! Justin, what did you dream about last night? That Susan Boyle was force-feeding me grilled cheese sandwiches and then morphed into a cat.
See? Anxiety dream.
Hey, nice shirt.
Let me see.
Zegna? Gucci.
But you're getting better at this.
Thanks, Mom.
Please.
I figured we've got to break out the labels for your first day of high school.
Can't afford college now, but at least you'll be styling.
Oh, oh! Speaking of styling Betty! Straight from Edinburgh! Yeah, Christina asked me to wait to give this to you until today.
- Oh, Christina.
- I know.
A pantsuit? It's great.
But it's just It's not really me.
Guys, I've got to go.
Wait, wait, first day photo op! Come on, come on, squeeze together, freshman and freshwoman.
All right, ready? Everybody say, "First day!" - First day! - First day! News flash! Wilhelmina Slater is on the outs! Meade savior, Cal Hartley, is continuing to throw his metaphorical muscle behind Claire Meade, who is now de facto boss at the publishing powerhouse.
And it's no secret that Claire is a Slater hater.
With any claim to the company now gone with Faux Baby Meade, it might be time for Wilhelmina to dust off her résumé and figure out what color her parachute is.
In the meantime, hottie widower Daniel Meade is apparently in Tibet.
Is Daniel now a Dalai? Our sources say he may be there spreading his late wife's ashes.
A moment of silence for Molly.
Moment over.
Daniel, get back here and get back on the market, pronto! Page Six is a little lighter without you.
You have got to stop doing that.
I only have so much glassware.
Hide! Morning.
I come bearing dry cleaning.
With extra plastic for the landfills, just how you like it.
Marc, you could have brought those to the office.
I know, but you've been so in and out lately, I didn't know if you were gonna be in today, and so I just thought I'd stop off Too many words, Marc.
I'll see you at the office.
- Wait.
Can I use your bathroom? - No, Marc, you can't use my bathroom.
No one uses my bathroom.
Not even me.
What was that? - Housekeeper.
- But I thought we had her deported.
Willie, what's going on? You're being weird.
And what was that stuff in the news today? Is that true? Oh, Marc, how many times have we planted damaging rumors in the news for self-serving reasons? Don't you worry your silky little curls.
But I got a message from Claire and Hartley.
And they want to meet with you tonight.
- Fine.
- But what if they, you know And then you have to Now not enough words, Marc.
What if they fire you? What happens to us? We will blow up that bridge when we get to it.
Now if you will excuse me.
I am an attractive, intelligent, confident associate features editor.
Step forward.
- Here you go.
- I get my own credit card? Yeah, if you're an editor here, you get one.
It's one of the many perks of your new position, but don't get too excited.
They put a $ 100 cap on lunches.
- Oh, per week? - Per lunch, honey.
Oh! And if you're here past normal work hours, of course, you have access to the Meade town cars.
As well as the gym and steam room.
And your new ID badge.
Nice picture.
It really is, thank you.
I know Mode's a fashion magazine, and that's great.
I just think that we could also be telling stories that matter, you know? Touching people's lives.
Yeah, I just like the pictures of the shoes.
Yeah.
No, the shoes are Shoes are great.
I have plenty of those kinds of ideas, too.
You know, I remember checking you in three years ago when you first started working here, and I thought, "God, I'll be processing that girl's exit paperwork within a month.
" Congratulations.
Enjoy your new office.
Betty, hi.
We've never technically met.
I'm Megan.
Not "Meh-gan" or "Mey-gan".
"Mee-gan".
I know.
I've read everything you've done for Mode.
- I think your features - That stuff's gonna have to go.
Super cute, but it's policy.
Editor decor has to be fashion-related.
Oh! Okay.
Yeah.
Um Are we sharing? Because I thought she said that this was my office.
That's adorable.
You thought an associate editor would get her own office.
I just want to eat you up.
Well, this will be fun.
We'll be office mates.
Yeah.
It's more fun not to be.
I had my own office, which took four years to get.
But I just had to give it to our new boss.
Think you might know him? I'm Matt Hartley, your new managing editor.
- Actually, that's my seat.
- Oh, sorry.
Some of you I know.
Some of you I don't.
And some of you I thought I knew, but apparently I didn't.
My role is to be a conduit between you guys and the editors-in-chief.
That means any ideas you guys have for articles or spreads come through me because it's all about communication, people.
Some of you may have to work on that.
All right, we're starting work on our global fashion issue.
Betty, why don't you start us off? You're good with beginnings.
Not so good with endings.
Okay, global.
Well, I've been quite interested in the situation in sub-Saharan Africa.
Malaria is devastating the continent.
The awareness in the United States is practically zero, and Malaria? Um, yep.
- Is there a fashion angle? - Yes.
I think that there would be a very interesting side story - with African fashion - Betty's onto something.
Malaria comes from mosquitoes.
So what if we do an accessories piece on insect jewelry? Yeah, no, that's not what I was going to Betty Insect jewelry had its heyday in the '60s, but lately, I've been noticing a fashion trend back toward bugs and gross things, but pretty.
I like it, Megan, run with it.
Who's next? Hmm? What's up, Fergie? Hi.
That's a real pretty, cute shirt you got on.
Who makes it? It's Gucci.
Gucci.
Gucci.
Oops.
Oh, man.
Next time, don't be so clumsy.
Okay, great, I guess everyone has their assignments.
- I don't.
- I'm really excited to be here.
Go team! Matt.
- Matt, can we talk? - I'm really busy.
I know, which is why I've been calling you, but you haven't answered any of my calls.
I just think there are some things that we need to talk about if Hi, Marc, I haven't seen you all day.
Oh, I really have to take this.
Hello? Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Really? You don't say.
Amanda? Oh, Betty, hey.
I was just taking inventory.
Since Christina's been gone, you never know who's going to come down here and steal things.
Not me.
Oh, I'm just happy to see a friendly face.
And I can finally congratulate you on your big promotion.
Oh, Amanda, thank you.
The first Latina Supreme Court Justice.
Tell me, Betty, how does that feel? How do your people feel? Amanda, I'm not Judge Sotomayor.
But just promise me you will not overturn Roe v.
Wade.
- Hey, you want to grab some lunch? - Sorry, I can't.
Marc totally hates you for taking his job, and I still have to figure out how you and I can be friends.
Mandy.
Get away from me, you bloated troll! Hi, Betty.
I've been meaning to tell you, cute outfit.
Already enjoying the perks, I see.
Oh.
Oh.
Hello, Wilhelmina.
It's been a A rough day.
- I hope you're not expecting a pep talk.
- No, no.
God, no.
Good.
Being an editor, it's more complicated than I imagined.
We're really going to do this? Wake up and smell the aromatherapy, Betty.
Being an assistant is boot camp.
Being an editor is war.
You have your allies, you have your enemies, often times you can't tell which is which.
It just sort of feels like I have more enemies than allies right now.
Yes, you do.
Oh, and by the way, malaria? Really? Like I would ever put disease-ridden poor people in the pages of this magazine.
How did you know about that? I know everything.
How does one survive? You look out for yourself.
If it means screwing over everyone else, so be it.
What if you're not that kind of a person? Well, then you change.
Or you'll be eaten alive.
Are you saying that muffins are your secret weapon? Food can be very effective.
The more I have at my campaign rallies, the higher the spike in my polls.
Yeah, but this is Mode.
Those people don't exactly eat.
Which is why I'm making nonfat, sugar-free, low-carb blueberry muffins high in antioxidants.
- Ugh! - It's just to break the ice.
You should break the ice with something that you couldn't actually use to break ice.
- Mi hija, try some butter.
- No, Dad! No butter.
Well, at least add some walnuts for flavor.
Fine.
Look, I don't even care if they actually eat them.
I just need to get in there and make some allies.
I think you should put rat poison in Matt's muffins and be done with it.
Hilda! I'm the one who hurt him.
He needs time.
And I just need to be patient.
Are you saying that you want to get back with him? A few weeks ago, they were moving in together.
Those feelings don't just go away.
What? He's got to forgive me some time.
Dad! - Justin! - Hey, sweetie! Hey, nice Queensborough High sweatshirt.
Yeah! Hey, Mr.
School Spirit! - Hey! - Thanks.
Wait.
Where you Justin! What happened at school? Was it great? Hello! Come on, you're not even gonna tell us a little something? Yeah, well, I'm kind of beat.
So can we talk about it tomorrow morning? Oh.
Sure.
Yeah.
Okay.
- All right.
- Yeah.
Now, I realize that the three of us have not always been the best of friends.
Well, I suppose I shouldn't have tried to blackmail Claire.
But in my defense, it's hardly the worst thing I've done to the woman.
Though she really is less of a woman at this point than something you use to scare crows or children.
There's something we need to tell you, Wilhelmina.
But you're not making it any easier.
Enough with the dramatic windups.
I know you want to fire me, so go ahead and do it.
But if you expect me to grovel or apologize, I think you ought to know by now you're talking to the wrong woman.
Good luck finding someone else that can do what I do.
- Claire.
- We want you to stay.
I'm sorry.
All those facelifts must have affected your speech.
What did you say? We want you to stay on as Editor-in-Chief of Mode.
Reporting to me, of course.
You seem surprised.
Yet your eyebrows haven't moved at all.
- Well, this is unexpected.
- You were right.
It was very hard to find someone who can do what you do.
Well, I'm sorry for the insults, Claire.
- You know, old habits.
Of course.
And for what it's worth, I had a really good one for you about VD.
- You'll have to tell me some time.
- I look forward to it.
Would you like a muffin to brighten your day? Low-fat, low sugar, high antioxidants.
Low-fat, low sugar, low-everything muffin.
I'll save you one! - Hey, Marc.
- Oh, hi.
Betty's waddling around here somewhere.
Last I saw, she was tossing carbs around the office with wild abandon.
Actually, I was sort of looking for you.
Look, I'll take any insect jewelry you've got.
Literally, everything I've found so far is strictly craft fair.
Thanks.
Hi! Brought you a muffin.
Made it myself.
Oh.
Yum! I'll just save it for later.
Megan, I just want you to know that if you need any help at all on your article, I'm here for you.
Research, calls, anything.
Name it, I'm your girl.
Oh, my God, so sweet.
Matt! Matt, I made you a muffin.
And I was thinking maybe we could talk, you know, about us.
Betty, not at work.
Was that my nephew? Sorry, I have to take this.
Hello? Hi, Marc.
It's Betty.
That's a muffin.
You can't call a tape dispenser with a muffin.
Yes, you can.
I just did, and you answered.
Bee-boo-beep! We're sorry, your call has been disconnected.
Marc, I know you hate me, but can't you just answer one simple question? I Walnuts.
Justin was talking to Marc? About what? I don't know why Justin was here talking to Marc.
Marc's throat closed up before he could tell me.
- Convenient.
- No.
Not convenient.
He was allergic to the walnuts papi put in my muffins.
Oh.
And he didn't say anything to you before? I thought you were gonna win him over.
Well, it didn't work.
No one liked my muffins, and I don't know why Justin was here, and I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
I miss him, too.
Hi.
Hi.
How are you doing, Betty? - I'm fine.
- Mmm, yes.
Starting a new job, working for your ex-boyfriend, I can see how that would leave you fine.
Well, I will be fine.
I just need to find some allies.
And how's that going? Um - Put Marc in the hospital.
- That was you? Not on purpose.
What about Matt? He's just been so cold.
Makes me wonder if he ever really had feelings for me to begin with.
He wouldn't be here if he didn't.
Trust me.
I know a thing or two about Hartleys.
Well, he doesn't want to talk to me about it, so it really doesn't make a difference.
Those feelings are still there.
You just have to find a way to bring them out.
- What are you doing? - Jogging in the park.
- But you're wearing heels.
- Yeah, well, I've got to get to work later.
My new boss hates it when I'm late.
Matt, you don't wanna talk about us when we're at work.
We're not at work.
- There's nothing to talk about.
- I know you're hurt.
But you're the one who took the job as my boss at Mode.
- So? - So, tell me that had nothing to do with me.
Look, what do you want from me? You want me to tell you I took the job because I still have feelings for you? Because I don't.
- Wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing? - I don't know.
- You kissed me.
- I know.
Why did you kiss me? Because you said you don't have feelings for me.
- I don't.
- I don't believe you! Matt, I think you are doing this to hurt me and all because of some stupid moment that meant nothing! I don't know how else to apologize for what happened with Henry.
Look, I can't do this.
Please.
What were you doing at Mode the other day? Who told you that? Ran into Naomi Campbell on Roosevelt Boulevard.
She said she saw you there.
So, what were you talking to Marc about? I spilled low-fat dressing on my new shirt.
It was ruined.
I didn't want to tell you because you spent so much money on it, so Marc got me another one.
Honey, you could've told me that.
Anyway, it wasn't that expensive.
It was an irregular, so There was something wrong with the stitching.
Yeah, I saw that.
But I still liked it.
You.
Such a good kid.
Marc! What happened to you yesterday? I'm sorry.
I had an allergic reaction, and I had to go to the emergency room.
I would have told you about it, but my throat closed shut.
Well, in the future, do it on your own time.
I need to hydrate.
So, I've been too scared to ask, but how did the meeting go with Hartley and the Hag? - They want to keep me on.
- Oh! Well, that's the best news I've heard in days! After, "You're going to live.
" Oh, please.
Daniel can't run this magazine by himself.
They're just buying time till they can lure the only other person in the world that can do what I do.
Isabelle Besset.
French Elle.
I checked.
They've been trading calls.
That's not good news.
- What are we going to do? - Oh, I don't know.
Now stop spritzing! I don't always have a plan, you know.
Hello? Marc! I don't want you answering my cell phone anymore.
It was just a call from your apartment.
Yes, and I would like my privacy respected.
Starting now.
She's keeping secrets from me.
Who? - Wilhelmina! Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't really listening.
She obviously has someone in that apartment that she doesn't want me to know about.
Maybe it's a guy she's having a torrid affair with.
And now she tells me she's being pushed out of Mode and she doesn't have a plan.
She expects me to believe that? Ooh, maybe she's running away with the guy she's having the torrid affair with.
Maybe I can join them.
The only person she ever felt that way about Oh, my Lady Gaga.
Mandy, you're brilliant! You take that back! I'm beautiful! It's Connor.
She's hiding him in her apartment.
And he's already asked her to run away with him once.
And now she has no reason to stay.
What if she actually does it this time? - Lf she's out, then I'm out.
- Who? Wilhelmina! I'm sorry, I told you I wasn't really listening.
Start from the beginning.
Daniel! Oh, my God! I was just thinking about calling you! Are you back? Are you okay? Sort of.
I'm having a bit of an issue here at the airport.
So, you may be on some terrorist watch list for now, but they're not going to press charges.
Press charges.
I should press charges.
Betty, they lost my wife.
Daniel, weren't you going to spread her ashes at the Jokhang Temple? I did.
But I decided to keep some of the ashes.
But then they made me check the urn and they lost her.
They lost half my wife.
But they found her.
You have the urn, it's okay.
Daniel, I know you want to stay at Molly's apartment, but is that really the best idea? Look, it's fine.
My apartment's on the market, I need a place to stay.
Besides, I have to go through her things anyway.
- All right, if you think it's okay.
- Enough about me.
I want to hear about how things have been going.
How's life as an editor? Great! Really great.
Good.
It's good.
You are a bad liar.
I know.
But I'm not going to complain about my problems to you.
Betty, trust me.
It's a relief to hear about somebody else's problems.
So he barely speaks to me.
Thank you.
And then my pitch gets turned into something completely different, which he decides to give to Megan.
Wait, I can't believe that spoiled little bastard gave it to Megan! Did you talk to Wilhelmina? My mom? No, no, I don't have to do that.
And it's not just Matt, Daniel.
- It's like everybody hates me.
- Oh, you can turn that around.
Or maybe it's going to be like your first year at Mode.
Remember how everyone used to make fun of you? - Even started that blog about you.
- What blog? You know, the one about your outfits.
The one where they took pictures of you every day? You have to know about this.
Oh, boy.
Oh, my God! They've been doing this since my first day at Mode? And nobody told me? Betty, I just kind of thought you knew.
Well, I love that outfit.
Yeah, I love that one, too.
Uh, okay, maybe that one was a mistake.
You know what? Don't worry about it.
You survived that, you're going to survive this.
- How? - Well, doing what you always do.
Focus on your work, show them you're a team player.
I am.
I tried to help Megan find a take on her insect jewelry piece.
She didn't like any of my ideas.
I love that belt.
Insect jewelry? So, Molly found this in some antique shop a while back.
Turns out it's worth a lot of money.
- "Olivia"? - Yeah, it's Olivia Guillemette.
She was big in the '60s.
Kind of a recluse now.
I bet a resourceful writerleditor could track her down.
Thank you, Daniel.
I'm really glad you're back.
- I missed you.
- I missed you, too, Betty.
Did you really have to bookmark that blog? Oh, that's so cool.
I can't believe it.
Well, the doctors overseas are always better.
Willie! How come you didn't tell me that your daughter was back in town? How much do we love Nico's new nose? Honestly, it took my breath away! Are you Olivia? You're just in time.
Come in quickly or you'll miss it.
- Um, oh - Hurry up, quick.
Come on.
Willie, I have to ask you a question.
Are you mad at me? No more than usual.
Oh, I just don't understand why you felt you had to hide Nico from me.
I need to know that you still trust me.
Don't we have an agreement not to discuss your needs? Yes, of course.
It's just You would not believe some of the scenarios I came up with about who you were hiding here.
At one point, I even thought it was Connor.
Well, there is something that I haven't told you.
And it's not about Nico.
It's about Connor.
- I knew it! - I knew you knew it.
I hired a bounty hunter to track him down so I could take back the money he stole from Meade in order to use it to buy out Hartley.
Oh! But Hartley's got his snout all up in Claire's Spanx.
He's not going to sell his shares of Meade to you.
Well, he won't know it's me.
I'll use an intermediary.
Oh, Marc, you think this is my first extortionlsecret takeover? - Please, seriously.
- Right, of course.
So, I'm sorry I left you out of it.
But sometimes I feel I need to protect you from these things.
Oh, well, thank you.
- But no more secrets, right? - No more secrets.
Promise.
Okay.
Well, now that Marc knows you're back, people are going to start to find out.
We have to act like everything is normal.
You understand? Sweetheart? I'm scared.
What are you doing here? I think I'm in trouble.
Don't worry.
I will take care of everything.
I've never seen a butterfly come out of its cocoon before.
Everyone talks about the miracle of birth.
I think rebirth is even more of a miracle.
- Oh, it looks like he's struggling.
- Oh, he can handle it.
I suspect that caterpillars stay in their cocoons a little longer than they really need to.
It's got to be scary to change into a whole new thing.
Wow.
- He's so beautiful.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
But the caterpillar's just gone.
- No, he's still in there.
Other people see the wings and colors.
I'll always see the caterpillar.
Thank you so much for letting me see that.
That was amazing.
Mmm.
I think so, too.
That's why I invited everybody to watch.
- Everybody? - Mmm-hmm.
Oh.
Unfortunately, I've now got to get everybody back into their house.
I'll need some help.
So, anyway, the reason I came was to talk to you about a feature that Mode magazine Careful, you don't want to tip over the tarantulas.
Oh! You are correct.
I thought that we could focus a feature on your insect jewelry.
It's on your shoulder.
- A tarantula? - A butterfly.
Hold very still.
I think they're attracted by the color of your clothes.
Really? This is kind of tame for me.
Hmm.
All right.
Very still.
Go now.
You follow me back to the butterfly house.
Careful.
There you go.
Now shake.
We did it! - Wow.
- They like you.
Now, what did you want to talk about? These are for you.
And here you go.
Oh, my God.
Olivia? I thought she was dead.
Nope.
She's alive.
And a very fascinating woman who would make a wonderful subject for your feature.
- What do you want? - Nothing.
- Are you trying to steal my story? - No, I was trying to help.
Take it or leave it.
Shoot.
Here.
Thank you.
Betty Those muffins you made were really good.
Hello! Hi, there you are.
Ah! Betty's younger sister.
Well, thank you for the part of that that complimented me.
But watch it for the part that slammed my sister.
Yeah? Listen, I came here to thank you for helping Justin out with the shirt yesterday.
Yeah, but I want to pay you for it, all right? Okay.
It was $400.
- What? - It was free.
I called the design house, told them it was a Jonas, they sent one right over.
Keep your money.
Oh! That's good because, you know, this check would have bounced so hard.
Anyway, thank you so much for helping Justin out.
Oh, yeah, well, it's hard for a kid when he gets pushed around like that.
Yeah.
- Wait, what did you say? - Wait, what did you say? - Someone's pushing my son around? - No.
No.
Okay, obviously he didn't want you to know about it, so you have to pretend like I didn't tell you.
I'm not pretending anything.
If someone is pushing my son around, I need to know.
- Why Why did he lie to me? - Well, because you're his mother.
And, I speak from experience, it is really hard for a boy to admit something like that to his mother.
No.
Not Justin.
- We are like this.
- Clearly.
Look, the next time he comes to you with something like this, I would appreciate it if you send him right home to me.
- But - I'm not asking.
Okay.
But Thanks for inviting me to have lunch with you.
It feels so good to have someone to talk to.
Trust me, I feel the same way.
It's been a rough week.
Remember last year when everyone was like, "Change, yay, Obama, change"? This year, change sucks.
Justin, I am so sorry that high school's been rough.
Trust me, I know exactly what that feels like.
I wish I could do something to help.
Are you kidding? You're already doing it.
I saw Heidi Klum on the way in.
Actually, that was Monica Don't ruin my moment, it was Heidi Klum.
Heidi looks amazing.
Can you believe she's had three children? I know! Hey.
Some of us are eating over there.
Come join if you want.
- Is that Megan? - Megan.
Yeah.
But I'm having lunch with you.
Are you kidding? You're so stupid! Why would you not go eat with them? They're the popular table.
And you won't get a second invite.
Justin, I am not abandoning you.
Well, then I'm abandoning you.
Bye.
Oh! Hey, Marc.
What are you up to? Is she still here? Is this a test? What are you talking about? I just wanted to see if you wanted to go grab lunch or something.
Well, first of all, I had fries last night, so there'll be no lunch today.
And second, tu mamá just scared the Jesús out of me.
My mother? What are you talking about? She was just here.
And she was very clear about me not talking to you, so I'm sorry.
You probably shouldn't come around anymore.
When you first showed up, I didn't think I was going to like you.
Yeah, I could kind of tell.
I just thought you'd gotten the job as a courtesy because you were Daniel's assistant, not because you were talented.
Oh! Wow.
Okay.
Look, I take the title "editor" pretty seriously.
- But I can see you do, too.
- Thanks, Megan.
Hey, skinny bitches! And Betty.
Emergency meeting in the conference room.
Fire in the hole! Chippity-chop-chop-chop! All departments! Wait, Amanda, what? Daniel's back.
Hello, everybody.
Thank you so much for cutting your lunches short.
I appreciate all the hard work you've been doing while I've been gone, but I'm back now.
And unfortunately, there are some things going on that I just don't like.
First of all, the feature piece on insect jewelry.
It was a pitch started from Betty, it was taken away from her and given to Megan.
I know you're new here, Matt, but that's not the way we do things.
So, effective immediately, the story goes back to Betty.
Sorry, Megan, you're going to have to come up with some ideas of your own.
And Matt, it's probably a good idea if you did a little legwork, figured out the dos and don'ts of being a managing editor.
Look forward to reading your piece, Betty.
I'm sure it's going to be great.