Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) s04e02 Episode Script
Boost Mobile
? My name is Shake-Zula ? ? The Mike Ruler the Old Schooler you want to trip? I'll bring it to ya ? ? Frylock and I'm on top rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock ? ? Meatwad make the money see? Meatwad get the honeys, g driving in my car living like a star ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus uh, check-check it, yeah 'cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream 'cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream ? ? Aqua Teen Hunger Force number one in the hood, g ? All right, let me see what we got here.
Hmm.
Bill.
$2,600?! What the-- Hey! Hey, open the damn door! [whirring.]
Hey, open the damn door, man! What?! Open the door! What?! Will you open this door?! Hang on.
Hang on.
Do what?! Open the damn door, man! Hey! Oh.
Ok! [whirring stops.]
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't hear you.
I was feathering.
Feathering? Feathering what?! My hair, boy! You don't have hair.
[whimpers.]
[sobbing.]
Oh, God, ok! No, no, no, no.
Don't cry, don't cry.
Stop, stop, Meatwad.
Look, you have hair.
You have hair.
Look, see? You have beautiful brown Sticky, wet hair.
Well, thank you.
Don't mess with is.
Hey, hey! Where are you at, dawg?! We got the whole city behind ya.
Uh, Shake, you want to tell me how the hell we have a $2,600 power bill? No, I don't.
Whoa! But I want to tell you about the chirp.
Hey, where you at? Do you need a Boost, Frylock? 'cause Boost Mobile has the Boost you need.
Where you at, dawg?! Who's this? Huh? Oh, him! Oh, this is the Boost Mobile phone.
Hey, dawg! Where you at? You know exactly where you at, Frylock With the GPS enabled feature.
GPS! Or use Boost Wireless web for national roaming.
Where you at, dawg?! You can be anywhere in the country with Boost Mobile.
Hey, hey.
Does that include Jeffy's house? 'Cause guess where I want to spend the night tonight.
With Jeffy.
Hell is home for you.
So, Frylock.
Where you at, dawg, eh?! Ha ha ha.
Hey, dawg! The whole city's behind you, man.
What are you wearing? It's the bling-blong, baby.
It represents my lifestyle and status as a street-savvy irreverent youth who lives large, yet Hunger for the next level in life.
You know, Boost Mobile is the premium yoth foucused communication network and instant gateway to opportunities.
That's the chirp.
I gotta take this.
Where you at, Dawg? Hey, where you at, Dawg?! What? [muffled voice.]
So, what did I say? Yoth foucused, youth focused, whatever! He's in the shot.
He'll get face-time.
The guy just started.
Give him a break.
God.
So nervous.
All right.
Listen, I gotta go.
I'll talk to you later, Doggie.
Who was that? Frylock, scoot over.
I'm moving.
Don't push me, all right.
There we go.
All right.
Now, you, over there, and, you, what are you doing? Dance! Let's make and receive cellular phone calls with Boost mobile.
Hey, check out Boost Mobile online.
Shop online.
It's got text messaging.
Text messaging, uh-huh.
Games! Yeah, we got games.
And a molecular transporter! Uh, no, Shake, I don't remember the mol-- Yello, Dawg.
[muffled voice.]
Oh, it doesn't have that? Ok.
But it still has text messaging, right? Write actual words with a phone.
Right, ha ha ha.
Ok.
Say, why don't we see if the Boost Mobile phone wants to go with us to Jeffy's house.
Jeffy's house! Jeffy's house?! Yeah, come on, everybody.
Let's go to Jeffy's house right now.
We're going to Jeff-hizzy! Shake, I know what you've done, and I don't like it.
Aren't we going to Jeffy's house? Uh, he's my cousin.
He's my best friend.
I have--i haven't seen him since the Army, like, 1,000 years ago.
Ok, is he your cousin or your friend? He is both.
And I--he's-- he'll only stay for a-- you know, like 3 year commitment.
After that, we'll see if we'll renew.
Aren't we going to Jeffy's house? Come on, Dawg.
You're into this.
You're black.
You sound black.
Where are you from? Come on, y'all.
When are we going to Jeffy's house? Jeffy the garden hose? You know what? Bing.
I just killed Jeffy with my mind.
[sobbing.]
Yes! Meatwad [sighs.]
Meatwad, look, Jeffy's alive.
He's alive, ok?! We'll go see him later.
Hey, dawg, where you been at? Outside.
With your man Josh.
Josh?! Josh! [muffled voice.]
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
Sorry for the mix-up, pal.
I do.
Yes, I do like my balls.
No, there's absolutely no need to hand them to me in front of the new york sales team.
I--yes.
You got it.
Ok, buddy.
You sound thinner.
Did you lose weight? Ok, great.
Ok, thanks.
Bye.
Schmuck.
Oh, no, you didn't! Oh, dang! Listen to that beat! They're in there getting their groove on, ain't they? Yep.
They're dancing up a storm all right.
So, why am I out here with you? You wanted to see Jeffy.
See? He's alive.
There's Jeffy.
He's a damn garden hose, boy.
Come on.
Look at you talking to it.
Ha ha ha.
You a fool.
What the hell is this here? Some uh Some sort of gay-out? Hey! Just the guy I wanted to see! Carl, who's your cellular service provider, huh? What are you dancing about here? You're poor.
Come here.
I want you to listen to something.
[chirp.]
You hear the chirp? Isn't that clear? Isn't it clear that I'm gonna just completely [bleep.]
your ass up if you don't take 3 steps back? It's not, is it? You just look at me.
Look at him looking at me.
But you can make and receive cellular calls with this.
Give it to him.
Where you at, dawg?! See? I'm on my land.
We're both in America-- which used to be a good country until they started letting people like you do whatever you want.
Hey, Dawg, where you at?! See? See this.
This line here-- line of death.
You cross it, and your freedoms no longer exist.
Ok? Have a good day.
Where you at, dawg?! Shake, how long is this phone gonna be here? With Boost Mobile, you pay as you go.
Yeah, yeah.
No contracts.
No bills.
No hassle.
Wait, wait! Where you going? It's such a tight fit for how you roll, dawg.
We're east side, west side, outside-- Well, we're going inside.
Wait, are y'all going dance-- hey, I was gonna dance out there! Come on! We were just about to do some hands-free national roaming! [music playing.]
You know what I want to do? Learn how to milk a cow.
Ok.
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Where you goin', dawg?! Uh, I'm gonna teach Meatwad how to milk a cow.
I'm gonna learn how to milk a cow! All right, that's not very urban.
Uh Hey, maybe we could take you to the Ludacris concert, huh? Or we can, like, watch "Sanford and Son.
" It'll be on in, like, No.
We're going to a farm to milk a cow.
Well, that's not really the message we hope to convey here.
But it's the milk that I hope to drink.
All right.
Well, we're gonna come, too, because you might need to make or receive a cellular call.
[music playing.]
Where is this farm? So, how's the reception back there? Solid, dawg! Where is this farm, boy? How 'bout now? Lovin' it.
All bars, baby.
Hardy-har-har.
It's a little hot.
Where is this farm? We're 3,000 miles below the earth's surface, Meatwad.
A cow would melt under these conditions.
Why you gotta be a playa-hater? Man, I think I'm out of my zone.
I'm not feeling good.
Oh, no.
He's losing reception.
Really? Well, then.
We'll just have to keep going then, huh? No, we can't do that! Somebody call Josh.
This is a friend of mine, and we're outside his cellular coverage! He could die down here without a signal.
[chirps.]
Hey, were you at, Josh?! Shake, hey--you-- you're not coming in clear anymore.
Yeah, where you at? You're breaking-- you're breaking up on me, babe.
Go further.
What? Touch my screen, man.
I'm feeling faint.
Hello? Hello? Hello! It's dead.
No signal.
Ok, but that was pretty fun, right? Don't look at me like that.
I'll buy you anything you want.
See, this chain? I'm rich, bitch! You whored us out to some cell phone company, didn't you?! You say that like it's bad.
It is.
But when you do it It's great.
Turn around, Meatwad, before we all burst into flames.
When we gonna learn how to milk a cow?! Oh, Meatwad, we just did.
Don't you remember? Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that was fun.
Now, find me a jukebox with shaun cassidy on it.
Ok.
But that's back at the house.
Ok, no, no, no.
We can't go there.
They're gonna so be looking for me.
And Josh said if I screw this up, two important pieces of my body will be yanked out and resituated elsewhere.
I do want children someday.
It's over, Shake.
Ok, ok.
I'll end it.
Just let me do it my way.
Hey! More Boost Mobile phones! Where you at, Dawgs?! Yo, Dawg! Where you at?! Where you at?! This is your way of ending this? Don't put words in my mouth! Well, where you going, dawg? Well, I'm Gonna roll With my homies On lakeshore.
Yeah, that's right.
That's just where we were going! And if we have some time, we might even Get some Hos.
And snuggle with 'em, and give 'em a kissy-kiss, 'cause they good girls-- even though they hos.
Come on, Dawgs, let's roll! Bitches and hos! Aagh! Now, Meatwad! No! [sobbing.]
Yes! Now, let's go inside and get some sleep.
Ok.
[telephone rings.]
the landline.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! Don't answer it! [muffled voice.]
Oh, yeah, Josh, how you doing? I'm not here, I'm not here! I am not here.
I'm his roommate.
I'm not here.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, he's here.
I'm not here.
Hold on.
Josh! Hey! Where-- where you at, Dawg? Yes.
I'm really sorry about that.
My checks have cleared, so my hands are unfortunately tied at this point.
What? Ok, I gotta put the phone down.
Hold-- it has vibracall alert and downloadable ringtones.
Oh, come on, man.
Do you realize I'm an action hero and that I don't have time for this crap? Yes, I said crap! That's what it is! Crap.
Aagh! Hey, Dawg, where you at! Were you at, Dawg? Whoa! You do have molecular transporters! Wow.
Downloadable switchblades, huh? That's a new featu-- oh, no! Aagh! [grunting.]
Hey, hey! It's axe body spray.
Where are the girls? No, there ain't no girls here.
Can I help you though? Uh, yeah.
Are you the milkshake guy? Uh, no.
He's down there.
Getting his ass whupped on! Is that gonna be long? All night! Can I get you something? No, no.
I'm good.
I'm in the credits.
? F-finger puppets f-f-finger puppets ? ? F-finger puppets f-f-f-finger puppets f-f-finger puppets ?
Hmm.
Bill.
$2,600?! What the-- Hey! Hey, open the damn door! [whirring.]
Hey, open the damn door, man! What?! Open the door! What?! Will you open this door?! Hang on.
Hang on.
Do what?! Open the damn door, man! Hey! Oh.
Ok! [whirring stops.]
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't hear you.
I was feathering.
Feathering? Feathering what?! My hair, boy! You don't have hair.
[whimpers.]
[sobbing.]
Oh, God, ok! No, no, no, no.
Don't cry, don't cry.
Stop, stop, Meatwad.
Look, you have hair.
You have hair.
Look, see? You have beautiful brown Sticky, wet hair.
Well, thank you.
Don't mess with is.
Hey, hey! Where are you at, dawg?! We got the whole city behind ya.
Uh, Shake, you want to tell me how the hell we have a $2,600 power bill? No, I don't.
Whoa! But I want to tell you about the chirp.
Hey, where you at? Do you need a Boost, Frylock? 'cause Boost Mobile has the Boost you need.
Where you at, dawg?! Who's this? Huh? Oh, him! Oh, this is the Boost Mobile phone.
Hey, dawg! Where you at? You know exactly where you at, Frylock With the GPS enabled feature.
GPS! Or use Boost Wireless web for national roaming.
Where you at, dawg?! You can be anywhere in the country with Boost Mobile.
Hey, hey.
Does that include Jeffy's house? 'Cause guess where I want to spend the night tonight.
With Jeffy.
Hell is home for you.
So, Frylock.
Where you at, dawg, eh?! Ha ha ha.
Hey, dawg! The whole city's behind you, man.
What are you wearing? It's the bling-blong, baby.
It represents my lifestyle and status as a street-savvy irreverent youth who lives large, yet Hunger for the next level in life.
You know, Boost Mobile is the premium yoth foucused communication network and instant gateway to opportunities.
That's the chirp.
I gotta take this.
Where you at, Dawg? Hey, where you at, Dawg?! What? [muffled voice.]
So, what did I say? Yoth foucused, youth focused, whatever! He's in the shot.
He'll get face-time.
The guy just started.
Give him a break.
God.
So nervous.
All right.
Listen, I gotta go.
I'll talk to you later, Doggie.
Who was that? Frylock, scoot over.
I'm moving.
Don't push me, all right.
There we go.
All right.
Now, you, over there, and, you, what are you doing? Dance! Let's make and receive cellular phone calls with Boost mobile.
Hey, check out Boost Mobile online.
Shop online.
It's got text messaging.
Text messaging, uh-huh.
Games! Yeah, we got games.
And a molecular transporter! Uh, no, Shake, I don't remember the mol-- Yello, Dawg.
[muffled voice.]
Oh, it doesn't have that? Ok.
But it still has text messaging, right? Write actual words with a phone.
Right, ha ha ha.
Ok.
Say, why don't we see if the Boost Mobile phone wants to go with us to Jeffy's house.
Jeffy's house! Jeffy's house?! Yeah, come on, everybody.
Let's go to Jeffy's house right now.
We're going to Jeff-hizzy! Shake, I know what you've done, and I don't like it.
Aren't we going to Jeffy's house? Uh, he's my cousin.
He's my best friend.
I have--i haven't seen him since the Army, like, 1,000 years ago.
Ok, is he your cousin or your friend? He is both.
And I--he's-- he'll only stay for a-- you know, like 3 year commitment.
After that, we'll see if we'll renew.
Aren't we going to Jeffy's house? Come on, Dawg.
You're into this.
You're black.
You sound black.
Where are you from? Come on, y'all.
When are we going to Jeffy's house? Jeffy the garden hose? You know what? Bing.
I just killed Jeffy with my mind.
[sobbing.]
Yes! Meatwad [sighs.]
Meatwad, look, Jeffy's alive.
He's alive, ok?! We'll go see him later.
Hey, dawg, where you been at? Outside.
With your man Josh.
Josh?! Josh! [muffled voice.]
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
Sorry for the mix-up, pal.
I do.
Yes, I do like my balls.
No, there's absolutely no need to hand them to me in front of the new york sales team.
I--yes.
You got it.
Ok, buddy.
You sound thinner.
Did you lose weight? Ok, great.
Ok, thanks.
Bye.
Schmuck.
Oh, no, you didn't! Oh, dang! Listen to that beat! They're in there getting their groove on, ain't they? Yep.
They're dancing up a storm all right.
So, why am I out here with you? You wanted to see Jeffy.
See? He's alive.
There's Jeffy.
He's a damn garden hose, boy.
Come on.
Look at you talking to it.
Ha ha ha.
You a fool.
What the hell is this here? Some uh Some sort of gay-out? Hey! Just the guy I wanted to see! Carl, who's your cellular service provider, huh? What are you dancing about here? You're poor.
Come here.
I want you to listen to something.
[chirp.]
You hear the chirp? Isn't that clear? Isn't it clear that I'm gonna just completely [bleep.]
your ass up if you don't take 3 steps back? It's not, is it? You just look at me.
Look at him looking at me.
But you can make and receive cellular calls with this.
Give it to him.
Where you at, dawg?! See? I'm on my land.
We're both in America-- which used to be a good country until they started letting people like you do whatever you want.
Hey, Dawg, where you at?! See? See this.
This line here-- line of death.
You cross it, and your freedoms no longer exist.
Ok? Have a good day.
Where you at, dawg?! Shake, how long is this phone gonna be here? With Boost Mobile, you pay as you go.
Yeah, yeah.
No contracts.
No bills.
No hassle.
Wait, wait! Where you going? It's such a tight fit for how you roll, dawg.
We're east side, west side, outside-- Well, we're going inside.
Wait, are y'all going dance-- hey, I was gonna dance out there! Come on! We were just about to do some hands-free national roaming! [music playing.]
You know what I want to do? Learn how to milk a cow.
Ok.
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Where you goin', dawg?! Uh, I'm gonna teach Meatwad how to milk a cow.
I'm gonna learn how to milk a cow! All right, that's not very urban.
Uh Hey, maybe we could take you to the Ludacris concert, huh? Or we can, like, watch "Sanford and Son.
" It'll be on in, like, No.
We're going to a farm to milk a cow.
Well, that's not really the message we hope to convey here.
But it's the milk that I hope to drink.
All right.
Well, we're gonna come, too, because you might need to make or receive a cellular call.
[music playing.]
Where is this farm? So, how's the reception back there? Solid, dawg! Where is this farm, boy? How 'bout now? Lovin' it.
All bars, baby.
Hardy-har-har.
It's a little hot.
Where is this farm? We're 3,000 miles below the earth's surface, Meatwad.
A cow would melt under these conditions.
Why you gotta be a playa-hater? Man, I think I'm out of my zone.
I'm not feeling good.
Oh, no.
He's losing reception.
Really? Well, then.
We'll just have to keep going then, huh? No, we can't do that! Somebody call Josh.
This is a friend of mine, and we're outside his cellular coverage! He could die down here without a signal.
[chirps.]
Hey, were you at, Josh?! Shake, hey--you-- you're not coming in clear anymore.
Yeah, where you at? You're breaking-- you're breaking up on me, babe.
Go further.
What? Touch my screen, man.
I'm feeling faint.
Hello? Hello? Hello! It's dead.
No signal.
Ok, but that was pretty fun, right? Don't look at me like that.
I'll buy you anything you want.
See, this chain? I'm rich, bitch! You whored us out to some cell phone company, didn't you?! You say that like it's bad.
It is.
But when you do it It's great.
Turn around, Meatwad, before we all burst into flames.
When we gonna learn how to milk a cow?! Oh, Meatwad, we just did.
Don't you remember? Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that was fun.
Now, find me a jukebox with shaun cassidy on it.
Ok.
But that's back at the house.
Ok, no, no, no.
We can't go there.
They're gonna so be looking for me.
And Josh said if I screw this up, two important pieces of my body will be yanked out and resituated elsewhere.
I do want children someday.
It's over, Shake.
Ok, ok.
I'll end it.
Just let me do it my way.
Hey! More Boost Mobile phones! Where you at, Dawgs?! Yo, Dawg! Where you at?! Where you at?! This is your way of ending this? Don't put words in my mouth! Well, where you going, dawg? Well, I'm Gonna roll With my homies On lakeshore.
Yeah, that's right.
That's just where we were going! And if we have some time, we might even Get some Hos.
And snuggle with 'em, and give 'em a kissy-kiss, 'cause they good girls-- even though they hos.
Come on, Dawgs, let's roll! Bitches and hos! Aagh! Now, Meatwad! No! [sobbing.]
Yes! Now, let's go inside and get some sleep.
Ok.
[telephone rings.]
the landline.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! Don't answer it! [muffled voice.]
Oh, yeah, Josh, how you doing? I'm not here, I'm not here! I am not here.
I'm his roommate.
I'm not here.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, he's here.
I'm not here.
Hold on.
Josh! Hey! Where-- where you at, Dawg? Yes.
I'm really sorry about that.
My checks have cleared, so my hands are unfortunately tied at this point.
What? Ok, I gotta put the phone down.
Hold-- it has vibracall alert and downloadable ringtones.
Oh, come on, man.
Do you realize I'm an action hero and that I don't have time for this crap? Yes, I said crap! That's what it is! Crap.
Aagh! Hey, Dawg, where you at! Were you at, Dawg? Whoa! You do have molecular transporters! Wow.
Downloadable switchblades, huh? That's a new featu-- oh, no! Aagh! [grunting.]
Hey, hey! It's axe body spray.
Where are the girls? No, there ain't no girls here.
Can I help you though? Uh, yeah.
Are you the milkshake guy? Uh, no.
He's down there.
Getting his ass whupped on! Is that gonna be long? All night! Can I get you something? No, no.
I'm good.
I'm in the credits.
? F-finger puppets f-f-finger puppets ? ? F-finger puppets f-f-f-finger puppets f-f-finger puppets ?