Ballers (2015) s04e02 Episode Script

1 Kane is in the building (MUSIC PLAYING) Now tell me how you love it, you know you at the top When only heaven's right above it, we on 'Cause we on Who else is really trying to fuck with Hollywood Cole? I'm with Marley G, bro Flying Hollygrove chicks to my Hollywood shows And I wanna tell you something that you probably should know This that "Slumdog Millionaire" Bollywood flow And, uh My real friends never hearing from me Fake friends write the wrong answers on the mirror for me That's why I pick and choose, I don't get shit confused Don't like my women single, I like my chicks in twos And these days all the girls is down to roll I hit the strip club and all them bitches find the pole Plus, I been sippin', so this shit is moving kinda slow Just tell my girl to tell her friend that it's time to go.
(MEN SHOUTING) SPENCER: Reggie, don't be insecure.
There's nothing wrong with telling a man you miss him.
REGGIE: I ain't said I miss you, Spencer.
I said I noticed you and your cue ball partner have been missing.
We ain't missin'.
We're here in your hometown of sunny SoCal, we're expanding our ASM footprint.
I see that.
We got your invite to the Surf Classic.
You like the board? Pretty original, right? I say black people don't surf, but Vern thinks he found his true calling.
I betcha Vern looks like Kelly Slater on that thing.
Shit, he ain't no Kelly Slater.
He look like he ate Kelly Slater.
- Hey, Reg! Who you talkin' to? - Spencer.
You tell him we comin' out there? - You guys coming to the tourney? - No, we comin' to check out our five mil investment.
Remind Vernon that it's me, and have a little bit of trust, and you guys be good silent partners with an emphasis on the "silent.
" Fuck that, man.
You know trust ain't one of my specialties.
Reggie, everything is gonna be fine.
I just signed a big Coke deal that I'm gonna leverage into a sponsorship with the Surf Channel and an acquisition of the WSL.
Yo, man, relax.
Chill, man, I'm just fuckin' with you.
We're comin' out 'cause Vernon gettin' his number retired - at General Carver High.
- (LAUGHS) That's amazing news! Wish him congratulations for me and tell me when you guys get in, I'll pick you up.
Don't you fuckin' love this energy? Holy shit, who needs Miami? This reminds me of my fuckin' childhood.
Except my childhood I spent mostly laying in bed, black light on, Skynyrd on the turntable.
Well, I'm glad chaos was your creature comfort, because I, unlike you, never grew up high and traumatized.
Well, you better get used to it, because Lance is having a meltdown.
LANCE: Ryan, you little motherfucker, this is not a proposition from Wittgenstein.
All right, lads.
This is a simple, fucking request.
Find Parker, get him on the fucking phone so that I can speak to him.
Gotta go.
There's some grownups here.
Fuck you! Guten tag.
Hey.
What's goin' on, Lance? We got a big problem.
Parker's missing.
Like "face on a milk carton" missing, or "I just don't want to call my wife" missing? I got a text from him yesterday telling me he wiped out skateboarding.
I call him today to check how he is kid won't take my calls.
We've got a global campaign worth millions, Coca-Cola's sponsoring him he can't surf! He signed a contract.
We've got commercials, banners, soda cans, but he's gotta fucking surf.
The whole deal is predicated on the kid fucking surfing at the fucking Classic.
Does he typically abandon you in times of crisis like this? We got like a father-son relationship, except he'd like a different father, I'd like a different son.
- It's complex.
- JOE: Let us intervene.
We are uniquely qualified to deal with very talented and delinquent people.
Because he's talented, and I'm delinquent.
That's not a bad idea, because if I catch up with him, that surfboard is going up his ass.
We got you.
Just do what I do before big games.
What's that? Bang my head against a fuckin' locker.
I love moving day! Especially with you, babe.
- Mm-hmm? - Mm-hmm.
That goes through there, in the master.
Oh, fellas, that's going to the master, too.
Wrong.
That goes in the guesthouse with TTD.
- TTD: Yes! - What T need with that? That's a $40,000 mattress! Let a nigger rest in comfort.
You gonna rest in peace, you keep talkin'.
If you really think that shit that you fucked all your little ho's on is coming into my bedroom, you lost your mind.
In all fairness to Rick, I never saw him with another girl on that bed - till he met you, Amber.
- TTD? Shut the fuck up.
I mean, that's nobody before you, babe.
That's as accurate as me saying there was nobody before you.
But you best know there's no one after me.
You damn right.
And I don't want nor need anybody else, so you know what, TT, mattress is yours.
Oh, yeah! You know I'm gonna take care of it.
- Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
- So disgusting.
- Can you even see your dick? - (PHONE RINGING) TTD: I can see it when I pull it out.
Spencer, babe.
I gotta take this.
Where you goin' with my cereal? Don't pitch me on Cleveland, 'cause at this point I just might take that shit, J.
JASON: No.
I have an inspired idea.
I just need your approval first.
All right, good.
Lay it on me.
How about I call our boy at the Rams? Shit, I don't know about that.
Chuck is not gonna go to bat for me after what happened in Miami.
Buddy, the past is the past.
If he wants to be a great GM, then he needs to be opportunistic.
Let's hope he has short-term memory loss.
You're not a charity case.
You'd fit perfectly into their offense.
- I'm not looking for a handout.
- We're not begging.
We're gonna call him up, like gentleman.
Like dons.
You always know what to say, don't you, Jason? All right.
But you make the call.
I'm trying to keep some distance between me and rejection, baby.
You got it, buddy.
SPENCER: Dealing with this shit is just like dealing with Sizz or Ricky.
JOE: That's why you're gonna be great at it.
I love your optimism, buddy.
It's not optimism.
That's reality, pal.
This is what you were put on the planet to do.
I have football pumpin' through my veins.
That's what we should be focusing on.
- Yeah.
We'll do that after we - (PHONE CHIMING) One second.
Hello.
Spencer.
Jayda Crawford.
Jayda.
Jayda Jason Antolotti's friend? Quincy Crawford's mom? Ah! That Jayda.
- Yes.
How are you? - I'm great, thanks.
I spoke to Jason, and I really appreciate you offering to set aside some time to meet with me.
Of course.
Any friend of Jason is a friend of mine.
Nice to be referred to as more than "Q's mom.
" I bet it is, but trust me, you haven't seen anything yet, Jayda.
Nothing surprises me anymore.
I'm gonna be up in your neck of the woods later today.
What's your evening looking like? Wide open.
How about we meet at the Viceroy for drinks, 7:00 p.
m.
? Perfect.
See ya then.
Ciao.
(LAUGHING) Did you just fucking say "Ciao"? - Goddamn, I did, didn't I? - Yes, you did! Holy shit! Wow.
Listen, are you thinking about messing with that high school kid? Come on.
You know me.
Yeah, I know you better than you know yourself.
You can't resist temptation.
All right, I promise you I'm gonna steer clear of that kid, OK? OK.
Even though he is once in a generation.
SPENCER: Aw, fuck.
Oh, shit.
Another hook.
Can you pass me another ball, please? (PHONE CHIMING) Actually, act like a real boyfriend and put it on the fuckin' tee for me.
(CHIMING) Charles.
How's life - on the high perch? - Stressful.
Very stressful.
And it only just begun.
You sound like a lifer already.
Good news.
I got just the thing that's gonna - lower your blood pressure.
- Fantastic.
I'm all ears.
Goff tore it up last year, but he needs another weapon.
- I got just the guy for you.
- Really.
Who you got? The one and only Ricky Jerret.
No siree.
You ever heard that phrase "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, go fuck yourself"? - That's this.
- Look, I feel you, but don't stand on ceremony.
The guy's a great value, he's got plenty of tread left, and, don't tell him I told you this, but I could probably get you a friends and family discount.
Oh, OK.
You know what? I'll think about it, then.
Just for you, though.
Not for him.
Good lookin' out, big guy.
Talk to you soon.
Bye.
Hey, can you get me another basket of fuckin' balls? Sorry, babe.
Are you really considering signing Ricky? Hell, no.
Not for nothin', but I'm a pretty good listener.
- What? - If you want to talk, or In case you haven't noticed, I'm not much of a talker.
You just need to listen to Parker.
OK.
(SIGHS) (JIGGLES DOORKNOB) What the fuck?! What are you doing?! Never announce yourself when the perp is on the run.
I don't know if this is the best way to introduce ourselves to the SoCal surf community.
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING) Yo, I think two bald guys just broke into your crib.
Dudes, you ever hear of a doorbell? My bad.
Uh, ding-dong.
Damn.
That was a real G move.
- We're Lance's new partners.
- Bosses.
Technically.
I seen your pic around, big man.
I know who you are.
Grab a drink or smoke or something.
- We'd love to.
- Eh, yeah.
Did you make sure the bottle's not too hot? Yes, Daddy.
You gave her six ounces, right? Of course, man.
I wouldn't cheat her out of her lunch.
Plus the doctor said there's no such thing as overfeeding her right now as long as it's breast milk.
Don't be thinking about using them chubby titties of yours.
Are you gentlemen looking for something special? Yeah, we are.
We're not a couple, if that what you're thinking.
I'm hetero as fuck and available.
You want me to post that somewhere for you? Throwin' shade.
I like that.
That's the one Bubba Watson uses, right? Won the Masters wearing it.
What you think, T? You think they'll let me play with a Chrono? I'm gonna say a big "fuck no.
" Besides, you're retired anyway.
We'll see what Chuck gotta say about that.
Ha! You got a better chance of playing for Belichick again.
Why is it every time shit goes bad, it's an "I," but when shit is poppin', it's "we" again? I don't know, but we should do something nice for Chuck.
Send him something to welcome him to L.
A.
Congratulation him on his new job.
Finally opened your mouth and something good comes out.
All right, so what we gonna do? Depends on how bad you want the job.
That's like asking a Death Row inmate if he craves parole.
This one says, "Please hire me.
" Do we get a deal if we buy two? Can you focus, please? This is nice.
Box this up, ship it to him.
Say it's from both of us.
Thank you.
Just need your credit card.
Yeah! Oh, no, no, no, no.
I get high on life.
If you're trying to build a bond between us, you're failin', man.
Come on, Joe, let's take a hit.
All right.
Big Man says take a hit, Little Man takes a hit.
(COUGHING) Holy fuck! That's the force of Skywalker, brah.
No shit, huh? Ooh! May the Force be with you, pal.
All right.
Well, I don't get high when I work.
There you go.
So what's the problem with Lance, and how can we help? Yeah.
I mean, we love Lance.
He's a weasel who's only in it for himself.
- Yeah.
Weasel, brah.
- That's a little harsh.
JOE: Yeah, a little bit.
Especially since he landed you that massively awesome Coke deal.
For who, Coke? That's the problem.
Let me show you something real quick.
This is the Coke campaign we did down on the beach.
You see, this is what the ad lackeys turned it into.
Looks like a dope image to me.
Yeah, if my skin were that color.
What? Give me that thing! I don't see a big difference.
Maybe you color blind.
You're also not gonna pretend to be somebody you're not.
Right on.
Look, I'm proud to be a black man.
I just don't want to be the Great Black Hope.
You feel me? I just want to be one of the boys, not a "black" surfer, but the greatest surfer.
Ever.
Right? I'm from Laguna, you feel me? Not the hood.
If they want to market me, they gotta do it for real.
I don't want to be Obama, bro.
JOE: I gotta stop you right there, son.
You don't want to be Obama.
That's I'm fucked I don't - Don't you want to be Obama? - Joe.
Joe.
- Hey.
- JOE: I would.
I understand where you're comin' from.
What happens if I'm a no-show at this tourney tomorrow? Coke has you under contract, and you would be in breach.
Can they sue me or something? We get sued all the time.
We're getting sued left and right.
I mean, I'll go so far as to say that you're not a man until you've been sued.
And divorced.
And accused of at least one homicide.
(LAUGHS) No more Skywalker for this guy.
Look, I would just want you to do what feels right.
- Yeah.
- JOE: Right is m-might.
Right is might? All right, fellas.
In anticipation of this upcoming draft and pending free agency, I wanted to take this time to outline our approach.
It's gonna be a little bit different than it's been in other years, because this year, we gonna steal from the past and combine it with the future.
Like Eastern and Western medicine.
Like colonoscopies and acupuncture.
- (LAUGHTER) - Settle down now.
All I'm saying is, I want us to be different.
But most of all I want us to think different.
- Wasn't that an Apple commercial? - Exactly.
And now they possess the world's biggest market cap.
(WHISPERS) You're losing them.
Get to the football part.
All right, so, we're gonna focus on value.
And here comes the Moneyball pitch.
I'm happy with where we are defensively, personnel-wise.
So we're gonna continue to focus on the offensive side of the ball.
Goff's come into his own so let's get Goff a comfort blanket.
You know, somebody like a Whitten or a Gronk.
- Gives McVay more flexibility.
- Exactly.
I also want to look into finding another possession receiver.
Be really nice to find somebody who can work the slot, like Doug Baldwin.
Ricky Jerret.
Excuse me? Word on the street is, he's considering un-retiring.
I worked with him in Green Bay.
I like him.
That's a good idea.
He'd be cheap as dirt, too.
Yeah.
Coach McVay has expressed interest in Kisan Teague.
- Um, he's a running back.
- I'm aware, and Coach wants to move him to the slot.
Jerret's a great value.
And he's got experience.
Yeah, but is he still in shape? I mean, you know, have his skills deteriorated? Only one way to find out.
Put him through the paces.
Work him out.
Thank you guys for coming, but where are the Coke peeps at? They couldn't make it on such short notice.
We're Samuels, Harris & Hartwick, the agency handling their account.
- SHH.
- (JOE GIGGLING) Shh! Like "shh.
" That's the name of your firm, right? - That's right.
- That's what you said? I'm the "S," from Samuels.
Founding partner.
- (LOUD CLATTER) - I got it.
Sorry.
Coca-Cola empowers us.
They leave the granular details to me, if you have any questions.
Or concerns.
I Sorry.
I didn't know there was a meeting scheduled today.
We came and looked for you.
Well, I was in my floatation tank, you needed only to rap on the lid.
Is there something wrong with your eyes? Let me jump into this really quickly, guys.
We're aware that Parker's image has been manipulated.
It wasn't manipulated.
It was finished.
Splitting hairs did not save the rabbit.
Either way, this is not an accurate representation of Parker.
We disagree.
I don't have a fucking clue what you Aryans are chatting about right now.
They changed the skin tone of Parker to fit this campaign, Lance, and it's not cool.
It's a couple of shades, from caramel to beige.
Does your client know about this? Our client has no clue what shade Parker is, was, or will be.
We could make him Oompa Loompa orange.
- (LAUGHS) - We like how Parker looks.
Actually, we love it.
Guys, you are selling Parker based off his race.
I won't deny race is a component.
A black surfer is very unique.
Parker is his own individual for sure, but take it from me, a man of color who lives and works in a white world, sometimes we just want to be recognized for our talents.
I wouldn't want to be called "The best Caucasian money manger in the world.
" That would really bum me out.
I think we can sidebar this for a little while, shall we? SHH and Coca-Cola put a lot of time and a lot of resources into this brilliant campaign, and I think we should really respect their efforts.
This campaign will make Parker a household name.
And he'll only benefit from his association with Coke.
Let me be clear with you guys.
You're gonna change Parker's skin tone back to its original fuckin' color, and I'm sure your client Coke won't think it's too granular.
It's too late.
Then maybe you don't count on Parker showing up tomorrow.
ASM recently acquired Sports X.
That makes you equally liable.
LANCE: Oh! OK, then, nobody's suing anybody.
Parker will be out there on them waves tomorrow, brown as you like, carbonated if you want, or I'll legally change my name to Lance "Fuck Me in the Ass" Klians.
OK? So why don't we have a quick chat outside.
Do excuse us for a moment while we handle this obviously delicate issue.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Guys, what the fuck?! I'm the brains and the charisma.
You're the face and torso, evidently, and Joe, you cut the checks.
Now we're all clear about our respective roles, we can move on perhaps, yeah? Because this deal long precedes your tenure with Sports X.
Don't shit in the apple cart! I don't give a fuck about the apple cart.
All I care about is doing the right fuckin' thing.
- It's how we're wired.
- Well, not always.
But no, most of the time.
Have you got any idea how many hours I've sunk into this deal with Coca-Cola? They're one of the most recognizable brands in the world.
We need 'em, and others like 'em.
We can't fuck this up 'cause you're acting like a couple of amateurs.
If Parker don't show tomorrow, that's $3 million flushed down the toilet, 2 million of which belongs to us, by the fucking way.
And all because some 19-year-old surf diva don't like the lighting in a fuckin' advert? Come on.
I've got news for you.
You turn out the lights, we're all fucking pitch-black.
- Whoa.
- Strasmore, don't get precious about that kid.
It ain't about talent no more.
The world has changed.
If you look at that poster, it hasn't changed enough for me.
Nothing to add.
All right.
- Spencer Strasmore? - Jayda, you found me.
Well, you're hard to miss.
Well, you have quite the presence yourself.
You need to when you're a public defender.
Can't have a thin skin, either.
I can imagine.
Would you like a drink? Don Julio Blanco, rocks, please.
Oh.
I like your choice.
It's been one of those weeks.
Amen.
I feel ya.
Jason tells me that I should treat you like family.
He's sweet.
Did he tell you that we went to law school together? No.
He parlayed his degree into millions, and I'm just trying to save the world one perp at a time.
(LAUGHS) Well, both very noble pursuits.
I want Quincy to find a school that checks all the boxes.
If he has to go, I want him to exit more evolved than when he entered.
- So what are the rules? - NCAA says there's rules, but really it's just hypocrisy.
Who's watching out for the kids then? Well, the parents.
But a lot of times that's not even the case.
Well, that sounds perverse.
Look, I've seen your son play, and he's pretty special.
He's gonna kill it anywhere he goes.
He's a rare one.
You did good.
So, how do I manage this whole situation? You know the expression "The clothes make the man"? Yeah, I'm lookin' at it.
Well, in this case, you know, these institutions are gonna want you to think that they will define your son's career, but the truth is, Quincy is so talented anywhere he goes, he's gonna define that institution.
Well, that sounds great, but he's never gonna take advice from his mother.
So, would you do me a favor and talk to him? I would love to, Jayda, but I can't.
It goes against the rules of my NFL registration.
But I'm here for you.
Talking, text whatever you need.
- I may take you up on that.
- Great.
TTD: Surf Classic's today.
Think we should check it out? That's that surfboard invite we got? - (DOORBELL RINGS) - Yeah.
Thinking about giving it a try.
Don't.
I don't even know why I try with you, man.
No balance.
- TTD: What up, Chuck? - CHARLES: What's happenin'? Thank you for the "Welcome to L.
A.
" watch.
Just glad it fit your big-ass wrist.
Chuck.
You trollin' the neighborhood? Ha! Not exactly.
Hell of a hood, though.
Damn, what a house! Be great to get me and the missus something like this one day.
They're selling one four doors down.
It's for sale.
12.
5.
Oh, that's all, 12.
5? Little out of my price range.
Not if you make the right decisions, G.
M.
- They make bank nowadays.
- Yeah.
It's funny you say that.
That's why I'm here.
This is business? - Jason didn't mention it? - Nah.
- Not a peep.
- Huh.
Hey, man, how's your head feelin' lately? My head? Just a memory, baby.
All right.
I wanted to talk to you about playing again.
And since the last time me and you went down that road things got a little funky between us, I wanted to come do it in person.
Shit, man, it's all good.
And if I do come back, I want to be like Marshawn Lynch, you know, be in the right situation.
So if we talkin' about playin' in Cali, with you, - then I'm interested.
- Great.
I'm interested, too.
Could be great for Goff.
You seen this kid throw? Got good pocket presence, too.
- He's good.
- Ooh.
But I'm new with this whole GM thing, and I like to do my homework, so I can't be playing favorites.
Favorites? Yeah, that's why I wanted to come down here and speak to you face-to-face, so there'd be no misunderstanding.
Because in order for this whole thing to happen, - I'm gonna need to see you work out.
- You need to see me work out? - Like I'm a walk-on? - You got a problem with that? I ain't got a problem with workin' out.
You do got a problem with it.
I can see it.
I got a problem with workin' out.
Yeah, you right.
See that? OK.
You know what? I'm gonna take my poppy seed bagels and go.
Don't forget your cream cheese.
This was our cream cheese, Ricky! I thought you wanted the damn job.
You're gonna need a new job in a second.
(MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Huntington Beach, California.
It's finals day at the Surf Classic.
I am your voice, and today, we are gonna crown our champion, as we go right to live action.
Calm down.
Jesus.
Fuck, I am calm.
On the inside I'm calm.
We support our guys, we fight to the death, and we let our guys make their own choices.
Our fate is our fate.
Yeah, yeah.
That's great.
Sometimes, I swear to God, honestly, I would give my left nut to be a chubby, Third-World fascist dictator, not give anybody any options.
LANCE: Oh! Ha ha ha! JOE: What's he so happy about? Ah, there we go.
JOE: Oh, look at that.
Wearing the Coke hat.
(LAUGHS) Top o' the mornin' to you pair of ugly pricks! Thank God the boy has got more brains than you, eh? (GRUNTS) And we know he's got more talent.
Don't we? Let's see if he brought it.
- Still overdressed.
- Overdressed? (MUSIC PLAYING) (MUSIC, NO DIALOGUE) (ROCK SONG, LYRICS INDISTINCT) (CROWD CHEERING) - SPENCER: Wow.
- JOE: Yeah.
Perfect wave.
Perfect ride! And that is a perfect day in our world.
- Beautiful.
- Very nice.
(CROWD CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) (FANS CLAMORING) ANNOUNCER: Third place goes to Lyon Brown! (CROWD CHEERING) Comrades, good to see you.
What a day.
ANNOUNCER: In second place, Peter Smith! Well done.
Irrelevant, but well done.
And our champion today, in first place, Parker Jones! (CROWD CHEERING) Allah akbar! God is great! - Whoo! Whoo! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Black That's right! Black on black, black, yeah Hey, OK Black, black, black, black on black Black, my thoughts so black, black, my skin is so black He really brought it, huh? Is it black enough for you now? Black, black, black, black My thoughts so black, black, my skin is so black I'm rockin' all black Everything is black Black rims on these black wheels In this black whip with this black bitch I'm so black on black on black on black on black Aye, black out the coupe Hop out the roof when I run into you Thoughts black as the dark side of the moon Won't be no truce At your funeral in an all-black suit Couple white girls rocking all-black too Million Man March in the all-black boots Call up the troops Punch you in the mouth, then knock out your tooth Talkin' that shit, nigga, what you gonna do? Back and I'm black and I'm acting brand new Niggas in the back like, "Oh word" Diamonds all black like, "Fuck what ya heard" Spillin' some Hennessey Black on the curb This for the memory of the deceased When I black out I awaken the beast You don't wanna fuck with a nigga like me Bet you never seen a mothafucka so black Nigga, I'm black on black on black on black Black, black, black on black My thoughts so black, black, my skin is so black I'm rockin' that black on black Black rims on these black wheels With this black whip With this black bitch Black on black on black on black on Black Black, black, black