Being Erica (2009) s04e02 Episode Script
Osso Barko
Previously on "Being Erica": What is your problem? - Excuse me? - You just made me look like an idiot in front of my whole team.
I-I-I If you don't get it together, today's gonna be your first and your last day.
I want an apology from you.
You show me the respect I deserve and you can keep riding my coattails.
Listen up.
We're not gonna lose Friedken.
He's not replaceable; You are.
Scott.
Julianne, we've reached the point where your errors in judgment are now compromising the reputation of this company.
Frank, please! You will pack up your desks and be out before lunch.
Both of you.
Happy first day of our new business! Yay us! Hey! We really need help.
Do you need a refresher course in being Julianne Giacomelli's number two.
I survived you.
So, Rachel, uh, tell me what you-- My spare time? How did you answer a question that I hadn't asked yet? Fine! We'll hire the weirdo psychic with experience.
Yes! Julianne: Now, Ray-Ray, I expect a 9:00 latte when I arrive, then at 10:30 for a pick-me-up, and then at 3:00 for my second wind.
Nine, 10:30, and 3:00.
Got it! You can start by filing these, hanging that, and copying these.
Thank you.
So, are we talking strategy? we have dinner plans for tomorrow night.
We do? With who? My sister, Georgie.
Miss "Yale" PHD.
She's in town and she's got some Professor friend who wants to pitch us a book about religion.
Oh, religion? You know, I don't think so.
Trust me, chicken, you're preaching to the converted.
Now, down to business.
I present to you our next smash hit Erica: "Osso Barko.
" Yeah, it's a cuisine slash healthy-living guide for dogs.
What? What, it's a great companion piece for "Sweet Dreams Kitty.
" "Sweet Dreams Kitty" was an act of desperation, Julianne.
- It's funny.
- It's fluff.
We need to step it up a notch.
You know, something smarter, more sophisticated.
Well, if you've got a "smart," "sophisticated" idea that'll move units, I'm, I'm all ears.
Ray-Ray, you're at work, you're not in school; You can speak up.
Uh, what about an exposé on the inner workings of the Canadian media? Shine the light on editorial bias as a consequence of the profit motive.
And after that "pitch" I'll need a latte to wake me up.
I'll be right back.
Thanks.
Yes, Ray-Ray? Just, this is my first day so I'm nervous, and when I'm nervous, as you know, I get psychic, and I just felt something cold pass over me.
Like death.
Oh One latte, coming up.
Yeah, I hate her.
Ach Julianne.
"Oh! Look at me, I read four books a day, so every idea I have must be brilliant!" Hey.
Please, just cut her some slack.
Oh, come on, you of all people know how I am with my assistants.
- Oh yeah.
- This is a trial by fire meant to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Your caffeinated elixir, m'lady.
Thank you, Rachel.
Good morning.
50/50 Press.
Yes, of course, I'll tell them right now.
Okay.
Bye.
Okay, uh, we're not psychic over here, so can you tell us what? That was Dori from River Rock.
Your old boss, Frank Galvin, had a heart attack.
What? Is Well, is he okay? No.
He's dead.
It's clearer inside of me who I will always be open me up to my heart.
Feels like I'm seeing in the dark, Waking up to my life to do it all over again and again.
Fun 'til the end the sum of my dreams and everything I ever wanted to be.
Ooh.
Tina Horwitz and her posse.
Check.
The heir apparent, the devil, oh hey, and Brent.
Check, check, check.
Do you think Scott thinks it's weird, the two of us coming here after his dad fired us? No.
Brent flew all the way from Australia to be here.
The least we could do is drive across town to-- Julianne, would you put that away? We're at a funeral.
Oh, dammit! See, it's Georgie.
She's gonna come by the office.
She's bringing us an office-warming gift.
How much do you wanna bet it's a dictionary? Julianne, she's just being nice.
No, she's trying to butter us up.
It's the last thing I need right now.
Sorry.
She's She's just beside herself with grief.
Uh, and now, ladies and gentlemen, Thomas Friedken would like to say a few words to commemorate my Father.
Those of us that are here-- Authors, editors, humble self-help gurus Thank you.
We all owe something to Mr.
Frank Galvin.
Speaking for myself, Frank thanked me for turning River Rock around with "The Secret of Now.
" You know, he used to say that we were gonna conquer the world with my little book.
Well, Frank, mi amigo, I don't know that we conquered the world, but I think we nabbed a little corner of it.
It says here everyone's meeting in the hall for tea and sandwiches.
No time.
We have to skip it.
Don't worry.
Something tells me Galvin would've preferred dancing and whiskey anyway.
Brent, welcome home.
So we hear that Scott Galvin, he's inheriting the ship? Yes, I now work for Happy Gilmore.
Beer and golf make his world go 'round.
Too bad I don't know my five iron from my wedge.
Well, better brush up, Tiger.
Well, if it isn't the staff of 50 percent-at-best press.
Lovely eulogy, Thomas.
I'm surprised you didn't have a table set up graveside so you could sell T-shirts and books.
How's my little blonde vulture doing? You still circling for scraps? Still making a career out of cannibalizing "The Secret of Now"? Frank Galvin leaves behind an empire.
What're you two gonna leave the world? A drawer full of musty, half-finished novels? A library of frilly, frothy picture books for the uneducated masses? Sweet dreams, kitties.
Ugh Friedken, he can just ugh! He can just rot in hell.
Can't believe you ever slept with him.
Oh, thank you, Erica.
Thank you for that much-needed image of Friedken and I, naked in his bed, with his hairy hands caressing my-- Okay, okay.
That's enough.
Michel Strithe was my favourite Professor at U of T.
I I had a total brain crush on him.
Julianne: Georgie.
Julianne! Oh my God, it's so good to see you! Oh, it's so nice to see you too.
I'm sorry we're late, I'm Oh, don't worry, Rachel has been showing me around.
You must be Erica.
Hi, I am.
It's lovely to finally meet you.
So I got you a little something.
Oh, wow.
Look, Erica, it's a dictionary.
Well, not just any ordinary dictionary; It's for editors and writers.
It has a thesaurus, alternative spellings.
Oh, it's gorgeous, Georgie.
- I'm sure we'll use it all the time.
- Mm.
Nice picture.
You look great.
Is this guy an actor? No, he's more of a personality.
It's Jay Manuel from America's Next Top Model.
Sorry.
I don't watch reality shows.
So, Georgie, Julianne tells me that we're going out for dinner with a friend of yours tonight? Yes.
Michel Strithe.
And I admit it, I am biased, but he really is brilliant.
And he'd look great on a book jacket.
- Hm! - Really? And here I was imagining a 75-year-old with ear hair and patches on his elbows.
She's funny.
Rachel: Michel Strithe is amazing.
You're going to, as you say, "heart" him.
Erica: Michel Strithe.
Did he write a piece for The Globe, on the blurring line between Church and State? Yes! Uh, it was picked up by the Times.
Christopher Hitchens Quoted him.
Wow! I mean, it's really impressive profile.
Sounds like.
Okey dokey.
Well I guess we're gonna see you later tonight, so I don't wanna keep you for anymore 'cause Georgie: Oh, looking forward to it.
- Yeah! - See you then.
Why are you encouraging her? Can I just say that Michel Strithe was the best professor I had in four years had at U of T? He is brilliant! Rachel, it's 3:00! My second wind's blown all the way to Scarborough by now.
Sorry.
I'm on it.
Julianne Can you just take it down a notch with Rachel? I have to get this.
Hey, Tina.
Hey! Oh, I know.
Wasn't the the funeral was touching? Yeah Okay.
One Julianne special.
Voila.
Merci beaucoup.
Hey Julianne's a a tough boss.
I'm not complaining.
No, you don't have to; I've been there.
My first job in publishing? Julianne's assistant.
No way.
Really? Yeah.
But I learned a lot from her.
So, I really I think that you just need to read her moves better.
Okay? So, for example, if she gets really stressed out then she air quotes a lot and her voice gets really, really high and it's just It's best to steer clear.
Thanks.
I'll remember that.
But look, you're gonna be fine.
Okay? A couple years from now you'll be some big-time editor, and and you'll look back at this and laugh.
Hopefully I'll be a big-time writer.
Oh, you wanna be a writer? Oh, don't get me wrong.
I'm so excited to learn about the publishing world.
I just want to end up working on the other side of the bookshelf.
Hmm.
I used to wanna be a writer.
Really? Yeah.
I mean back in the day.
Back in the last millennium, actually.
So have you, uh Do you write much, or? Poetry, a few plays I just started plotting out my first novel.
I write every day, rain or shine.
Wow! That's amazing.
Good, good for you.
Anyway, I better get this to Julianne.
It's already 3:06.
Give it up for the best footballer since Maradona.
Whoever that is.
Wow.
What's a guy gotta do to impress his girlfriend? Sorry.
That was a really great goal that you just scored, babe.
Well, I may never play for Liverpool Football Club, but A guy can dream.
Really? That was your dream? To play professional soccer Football, sorry.
Oh yeah.
I used to live and breathe the game.
Played in a league a little bit.
Do you ever wish you woulda kept it going? I never really think about it, to be honest.
Why? Where's this coming from? Oh, it's It's nothing.
It's just something that Friedken said to me today at the funeral, and then Rachel with her whole, you know, "I wanna write a novel.
" Whatever, it's stupid.
No, it's not.
Not if it's bothering you.
And it's not that I'm not happy doing what I'm doing.
I mean, I love my work.
It's just sometimes I Sometimes I wonder if I should've tried harder to become a writer.
Well, you still could.
You know, I'm not gonna be a professional footballer, I'm too old and my knees are shot-- but, but you? You could just start writing again.
Nothing's stopping you.
You're right.
I'm just being a whiner.
Mm.
A hot whiner.
You see, I don't have your talent for words.
Hopefully I make up for it in other ways.
Adam, we're in public.
You're right.
Wanna make out behind the bleacher? - Totally.
- Okay.
And this pattern can be traced back to the first beautiful woman, Eve, who was told by God in Genesis 3:16: "Your husband shall rule you.
" Georgie: Three little words that have shaped the oppression of women for centuries.
You're trying to show the hidden impact of religion and how it affects our day-to-day lives, and I, I just think that's really fresh.
Great.
What about you, Julianne, what do you think? Um I think That you can write a book about anything.
The question is, will people buy it? Well, I think Erica has read and enjoyed Michel's work, and I can argue for the fact that it's far from prosaic.
Well, that right there is a problem.
We publish prose, plain and simple, nothing poetic, nothing fancy-- Sorry, I think you're misunderstanding.
No, I understand just fine.
I know what prose means, Georgie.
Prosaic means boring.
Michel's work is far from boring.
Okay, let me know if this is what the doctor ordered.
Who'd like to taste it? Here, let me.
Mmm.
Wonderful! Buttery with a hint of caramel.
Great choice, Michel.
Michel: Julianne, if you were a wine, which wine would you be? I'm sorry? It's a game I used to play in undergrad-- too many wine and cheeses.
Okay, guys, let me tell you about tonight's specials.
We have a pan roasted Arctic char with orange and rosemary white sauce Erica: Was he charming or what? I went into the pitch prepared to hate it, but Michel, he totally sold me.
Well, that makes one of us.
I thought you two hit it off? Julianne: Where's my latte? Rachel! He totally had eyes for you.
Well, yeah; Nerds prefer blondes.
Ray-Ray! Right here, Julianne! Erica: 'Morning! Thanks.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Rachel, I said to make my lattes hot, not scalding.
Ow.
Why don't you just let it cool down.
Why is this on my desk? I left that there for you to peruse at your convenience.
Notes from the course I took with Michel Strithe - during my undergrad.
- Rachel So what, you wrote a dissertation, a thesis? No, just an overview of Michel's work on the applications of biblical hermeneutics.
Rachel If I wanted a crash course in Michel Strithe, I would have asked you.
- I just thought-- - I don't pay you to think; I pay you to follow directions and you can't even do that! if you think just 'cause you have some shiny master's degree that qualifies you to have ideas that are actually useful, think again! Rachel! Rachel, wait! What is wrong with you? You know what? I don't need this, Erica.
- Not today.
- What're you talking about? Julianne, that was completely unfair.
We are trying to run a business here, not train baby geniuses! Where are you going? Julianne, we are still talking.
No, you're talking, I'm walking.
Julianne! Wait! Agh! Rough day at the office? Oh my God, Julianne, she's she's crazy.
Well, a loaded statement, considering that she is your next patient.
Julianne is my patient.
Mm-hm.
Uh why? Well, uh Let's start with what just happened.
You rushed in here exasperated with Julianne's behaviour.
Yes, I think that she I mean, she needs to ease up on Rachel, but I don't think that she needs therapy.
I mean, Julianne, she's just She's just "Julianne," you know? I mean She's treating Rachel the exact same way that she treated me back in the day.
I see.
So you're saying that Julianne has a particular management style.
She's tough and that's her shtick.
Okay, she's tough.
And, uh, you can either handle her shtick - or you can't.
- Pretty much.
And I know, I was there.
I mean I had a horrible first day at River Rock.
She She basically fired me.
You got your job back though.
Yeah.
'Cause I figured out how to handle her.
And I wish that Rachel could do the same.
Well, that's interesting.
Well, why don't you take me back to your first day at River Rock.
Well Things with Julianne, they were bad from the get-go.
She had inherited me from her predecessor and then I gave her a real reason to hate me.
You know, she wanted to kill this book, "Rocket Man," and instead of following her cues, I decided to suggest a way to save the book in front of her entire staff.
So, Julianne, to put me in my place, she decided to humiliate me by reading out loud some short stories that I had submitted with my resume, in front of everyone.
Luckily, I was able to prove myself after that, because if hadn't, I I'd be gone.
And look, it's not the way that I manage, but you have to admit, she gets results.
So either the assistant, they figure her out, find a way to work with her, or pgh!-- They're gone.
Let's test this theory.
I want you to return to your first day at River Rock, and be the perfect assistant.
Use all of your knowledge of Julianne to blow her mind; To meet and exceed her every expectation.
I didn't get here because I look good in a skirt.
I earned it.
You want on my team? You better do the same.
So you have two degrees in English lit Never worked as an editorial assistant before.
Never even worked in publishing before.
You're how old? I'm thirty two.
Sorry.
Huh.
Just 'cause I'm 27 and I took my first proofreading job right out of high school.
Look, Julianne, I know that you have qualms - but-- - Ooh, yes, I do, because people with two English lit degrees, who use words like "qualms" in everyday language, are usually literature snobs and I have no time for them.
Mm.
Right.
And despite what you may think, I am not some ivory-tower English-lit snob.
Mm.
Yeah, I beg to differ.
See, I read your short collection of even shorter stories left behind by my predecessor.
They're very heavy.
Mm.
I wrote those a very long time ago and, uh, I wouldn't mind having those back, - if you're - Uhn-uhn-uhn.
Still reading.
Who knows? Maybe I'll even show them to Frank Galvin.
Ah! Ha.
Brent! Can you show Erica to the coffee lounge? Time to send her to school.
White poppy on your first pull The force is strong in you.
Well, you know, you pick things up here and there.
Agh! Brent! I just saved your life.
If you were to serve Julianne this with these Of course! Julianne only drinks organic espresso.
I keep a spare bag in my emergency drawer.
Julianne goes Hannibal if you make her a latte with reg.
Julianne: (Titters) Yes.
She gets that sexy little curl in her lip.
God, she can be so hot.
Mmm! I'll brb with the beans.
Good morning.
Oh! 'Kay Dr.
Tom, this is very, very weird.
Oh? Why is that? Because this only happened two years ago.
I mean, I like a little distance from my deja vu's.
Oh.
I see.
Well, other than that, how goes your second first day? Julianne, is she still being a, uh A "passive aggressive bitch-face.
" You're enjoying this, aren't you? Sure.
What am I doing here, other thank photocopying and making lattes? You have a patient and a theory.
What do you do with a theory? You test it.
Okay, so once I become the perfect assistant and Julianne loves me, that's gonna prove That you're right; That "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
" Sigmund Freud.
Or, in your case, a shtick is just a shtick.
Now what about "Rocket Man"? You were that book's sole champion.
Without you, Julianne'll kill it.
Right.
So, I guess I um I just take my own advice.
Because the first time around I, like Rachel, I just I chose the wrong moment.
And you can't contradict your boss in public and expect a medal.
So, this time I'll do it in private.
Sounds like you have a great plan and I hope it works out for you.
Oh, by the way, I made myself a doppio espresso, but I finished the beans.
I hope that's okay.
Would you just - Hello.
- Hello.
Who's that? Oh, I think he's from Accounting.
With those cheek bones? Me no think so.
Oh, I absolutely "heart" the way you've created subfolders within my documents file.
And what do we have here? A title page with the title bolded and underlined.
I am in heaven! Oh good, 'cause I aim to please.
Please and thank you.
However, your lattes, though aesthetically pleasing, leave much to be desired in the "taste department.
" Okay.
So all in all, I still think this might work out.
Mm! Great.
Next task: Marcus Stahl's outline.
Read it, type up some notes.
Frank Galvin loves him, so we better look like we tried to come up with something.
But frankly, I'm just not feeling the "juice.
" Oh.
Hello, Mr.
Friedken! Oh, I'm doing faboo.
I've got a brand new office, a new title, a wonderful new assistant.
Oh.
Well, I think our appointment's right before lunch, no? I love, love, love the new pages on "The Darlings of Pop.
" I'm telling you, Brent, my first slate is gonna knock the pants right off Frank Galvin.
Figuratively speaking, I hope.
Yeah.
OMG.
ballpoint retractable pens in blue and red.
A-plus, newbie.
Oh, lucky guess.
Can I take her home with me? Listen, Julianne, do you have a minute? Um, there's something I'd like to talk to you about.
In private.
Oh, of course! Mi office es su office.
Great! So I, um I went over Stahl's material like you asked and I actually think that there is "juice" in this.
- Really? - Yes.
You see, Stahl, he launched the Banting which sparked a revolution in digital communication.
E.
T.
phone home.
I don't see how that applies.
Wait, there's more.
He did it all while he was addicted to crack.
Stahl was addicted to crack? He had a family, he was a titan of business, but there he was, night after night, smoking crack with gang members.
And I know that that sounds bleak-- - Yeah, it really does.
- But it's not, because he beat his addiction, he got his family back, he won his way back to the top of the business world.
I mean, it is a story of redemption, of triumph over adversity.
And I really feel like, like there's a lot of "juice" in that.
Erica, I asked you to make some notes to show Galvin that we tried, not pitch me a whole book.
Oh.
I I um I just thought Well, I don't pay you to think.
Just leave it with me, anyway.
Thank you.
- Ah - Hey! Am I interrupting anything? You? Never.
Muah.
Muah.
Erica, two latte's, pronto-Toronto.
Um, I need to give you some notes.
Hurricane warning.
Mistress's meeting is off to a bad start.
I think maybe you should steer clear.
I don't think; I just do what I'm told, and Julianne wants two lattes.
"Pronto-Toronto.
" I am not sure that the reading public wants to hear a metaphysical exploration of parallel realities from you.
You're telling me what my reading public wants and doesn't want? No, no.
I am just saying I I just don't know that people will understand the subject matter.
You don't think you will.
Look, Jules, just because you don't understand what I'm proposing, doesn't mean other people won't.
Um, excuse me, here are your lattes.
Okay, here's what I'm proposing, Jules.
Why don't you leave the thinking to me? And you can busy yourself with pretty book covers and fun marketing campaigns.
Thomas-- Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh! What did I just say? Now, I want a meeting with Frank today.
Erica, go! Excuse me.
Um Um? No, of course, of course, of course.
Yes.
I'll, um I will set up a meeting with Frank today, run it up the flagpole.
That is the smartest thing you have said all day, kitten.
Whew Erica, could you gather up the troops? I want everyone in the department in my office, stat.
Of course, of course.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Oh no, no, no.
Erica, you stay.
No, I want you to have every opportunity to see how things work around here.
Of course.
Julianne: Okay.
I have a stunning work of staggering genius straight from the slush pile.
This is a ritual we used to do at the other office.
Julianne reads from the worst submissions.
It's hilarious.
Julianne: Settle in, everyone.
"The house is an abattoir.
" "Smoke billows from the chimney and up, breaking apart in the night sky.
" Okay! That's it! Is there a problem, Erica? Yes, there is a problem.
I need to speak to you alone, stat.
Pronto-Toronto, people! Uh Yeah, if you think that I'm "impressed" with your little act of rebellion, think again.
Listen, I'm I'm gonna tell you something.
Oh great, you've got 15 seconds.
- No, I'm not doing that again.
- Twelve.
- Julianne - Tick-tock, tick-tock Would you shut up and listen to me?! I thought that the whole trial by fire thing was an attempt to separate the wheat from the chaff, but it's not.
It's all about you using your stress and taking it out on your subordinates because they can't fight back.
Well, guess what? I am fighting back, and telling you that the way that you act Is wrong.
Are you finished? Yes.
I have been in the "biz" for 10 years.
You've been in it for one day.
There is no way that these are your notes.
Well, they are.
You listen to me, okay? There is just no way that some over-the-hill secretary figured out a book that I passed on.
No way! Oh my God.
You're threatened by these.
I don't think so.
You know what? Pack up your things.
Be on your way.
You're firing me? For insubordination, rudeness, and an out of control ego.
Adios.
I can't believe it.
Julianne is insecure? Sometimes a cigar is not just a cigar.
But why? I mean, she is so competent and she's so experienced.
And yet she reads your notes and she feels inadequate.
It's bizarre.
Honestly, it just It makes no sense to me.
Ah, feelings rarely make any kind of rational sense until we understand why we have them.
"With the possible exception of the Equator, everything begins somewhere.
" C.
S.
Lewis.
So I need to go and figure out why Julianne's insecure and then fix it.
I mean that's really hard to do.
You can't just go up to someone and say, "Don't feel insecure.
" Well, let me ask you something.
Do I ever fix you, Erica? No.
But you help me see what's going on though and and then, I fix myself.
A-plus, newbie.
Come on, Julianne, answer the phone.
Where are you? Julianne! Julianne? Hello! Julianne? Hey.
Hey, Erica, what're you doing here? Well, look, I was calling and calling you and you didn't answer the phone, and I then I got here and the door was open and Julianne, is everything okay? Erica, hi.
I'm gonna get going.
Good night.
Oh my God.
Oh man.
Erica: Why? I don't know why.
Julianne, you just slept with a man you don't even like and you don't know why? I mean, come on, this isn't like you.
No, it's exactly like me.
Freidken, I didn't like him either.
Ever since Georgie told me she was coming into town, I've had this Like permanent knot in my stomach.
Do you think that it's the same for her? I don't understand the question.
Well, it's just, you know, you You painted Georgie out to be this monster and the woman that I met, she seemed really genuinely happy to see you.
So what is this really about? It's just she makes me feel like crap-- Everything she says, everything she does-- All the time.
Even when we were kids, I mean, my pa Your parents? My parents used to say, "Georgie is our smart one, and Julianne "Julianne's our fun one.
" But you wanted to be the smart one.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Have you ever told Georgie about how you feel? I mean, about growing up and the two of you? Are you kidding me? She would laugh right in my face and tell me to grow up.
No.
Mm-mm.
I don't think she would.
Oh, you don't know my sister.
I don't think you know your sister.
I don't understand.
You slept with Michel to get back at me? For what? Not to get back at you.
Really? I bring you a potential author who you know is a friend of mine, and it just happened? No, no, Georgie, it didn't I, I, I slept with Michel because I just wanted to feel like I had something to offer.
What're you talking about? You know what, Julianne? Fine.
It's par for the course.
I am talking about last night, okay? I am talking about dinner.
I sounded like such an idiot.
I just wanted to make my Myself feel better.
So I called I called Michel and, and Oh, this is gonna sound so pathetic.
I just thought So maybe I'm I'm dumb, but, you know, at least I'm pretty.
At least I've got that, you know? Julianne You're not dumb.
How could you even think that? Georgie, you're the one with brains in this family.
You have a PHD, you teach at Yale You own your own publishing company.
You're self-made, you're behind a best-selling book.
I mean, Julianne, this is apples and oranges here.
When I called to tell you that I was coming to town, it didn't feel like you wanted to see me.
And I thought it was because you live this cool, incredible life, hanging out with actors and TV personalities, and I'm your boring, nerdy, loser sister cramping your style.
Julianne, do you have any idea what it was like with you as my sister in our house? At our school? I really don't know what you're talking about.
I'll make a list: Dad's favourite, head cheerleader, miss popular.
I couldn't compete.
I was in awe of you.
Okay, that's not how I remember it at all.
I mean, you were the one with the straight A's who mom and dad were actually proud of.
Me? Julianne Mom and dad have a framed copy of "The Secret of Now" in their living room.
And every time I call, it's "Julianne's publishing this," "Julianne met so and so.
" And "Georgie presented a paper in Berlin" and "Georgie just got published in the New York Times.
" Wow.
Wow.
Honey, I'm home.
Cutie.
Mmm.
I got you a present.
What is it? Oh.
What's this for? Oh, I figured you were gonna start writing, you're gonna need something to write on.
You don't like it? - No, I do.
It's just - Really? 'Cause your face is saying something different.
It's just I'm already kinda over it.
You know, I mean, yesterday, it was just It was It was such a weird day with the funeral and then, and then Rachel starting.
I think I just caught up in the wondering, you know, and But I can always use the notebook for other things.
So thank you.
Sorry, can we just back up a sec? You said you wanted to start writing and now you're saying you don't.
Not really.
Not really.
You didn't just wanna be a writer yesterday, Erica.
So, come on, tell me what's going on.
I don't know.
I mean, what What if I'm bad? Yeah, you might be bad.
But You might be great.
There's only one way of finding out.
Erica: Insecurity.
It's in all of us.
That voice inside that tells us we can't do something, that we're not good enough, that we shouldn't even try.
And when we listen to the voice, we hold ourselves back in ways we don't even realize.
All because we're scared to take a chance, to face our fears, to see what we're really capable of.
Well, uh Julianne, would you would you like to start? Oh.
Um Rachel Uh I want you to know this is really, really hard for me.
Um, it's hard because I don't often apologize.
But that's what I'm doing.
I apologize for For how I treated you.
It was unprofessional, and it was It was unfair, and I wish I could take it back, but I can't.
So, if you no longer feel that you can work here, then I'll understand.
So what do you say? I say Apology accepted.
But under one condition: That you won't ever scream at me the way you did ever again.
I won't.
I promise.
But I can't promise that-- You won't snap at me or call me Ray-Ray.
Okay, that? This Cannot keep happening.
No psychics allowed.
Here? This is a no-fly zone.
I'll try.
And yes, Julianne, I'll go and get you a latte right now.
I think I love her.
Okay, okay.
I'm really proud of you.
Thank you.
So, have you decided what you're gonna publish instead? Probably "Osso Barko," unless you have a better title.
- Ha.
- Hmm? And even if I did, No? Why not? Well, because.
You've slept with the author.
That's a big no-no.
Just ask poor old Michel Strithe.
Who's that? You expecting someone? Mm-mm.
Coming.
Sammy! Erica, I'm so glad you're home.
Oh, I'm I'm sorry.
Hi, Adam.
No, it's fine.
Come on in.
What is it? Is everything okay? Yeah.
Yes.
And no.
But I think more yes than no.
Sam! Okay, you're killing me! What is it? I'm pregnant.
Uh
I-I-I If you don't get it together, today's gonna be your first and your last day.
I want an apology from you.
You show me the respect I deserve and you can keep riding my coattails.
Listen up.
We're not gonna lose Friedken.
He's not replaceable; You are.
Scott.
Julianne, we've reached the point where your errors in judgment are now compromising the reputation of this company.
Frank, please! You will pack up your desks and be out before lunch.
Both of you.
Happy first day of our new business! Yay us! Hey! We really need help.
Do you need a refresher course in being Julianne Giacomelli's number two.
I survived you.
So, Rachel, uh, tell me what you-- My spare time? How did you answer a question that I hadn't asked yet? Fine! We'll hire the weirdo psychic with experience.
Yes! Julianne: Now, Ray-Ray, I expect a 9:00 latte when I arrive, then at 10:30 for a pick-me-up, and then at 3:00 for my second wind.
Nine, 10:30, and 3:00.
Got it! You can start by filing these, hanging that, and copying these.
Thank you.
So, are we talking strategy? we have dinner plans for tomorrow night.
We do? With who? My sister, Georgie.
Miss "Yale" PHD.
She's in town and she's got some Professor friend who wants to pitch us a book about religion.
Oh, religion? You know, I don't think so.
Trust me, chicken, you're preaching to the converted.
Now, down to business.
I present to you our next smash hit Erica: "Osso Barko.
" Yeah, it's a cuisine slash healthy-living guide for dogs.
What? What, it's a great companion piece for "Sweet Dreams Kitty.
" "Sweet Dreams Kitty" was an act of desperation, Julianne.
- It's funny.
- It's fluff.
We need to step it up a notch.
You know, something smarter, more sophisticated.
Well, if you've got a "smart," "sophisticated" idea that'll move units, I'm, I'm all ears.
Ray-Ray, you're at work, you're not in school; You can speak up.
Uh, what about an exposé on the inner workings of the Canadian media? Shine the light on editorial bias as a consequence of the profit motive.
And after that "pitch" I'll need a latte to wake me up.
I'll be right back.
Thanks.
Yes, Ray-Ray? Just, this is my first day so I'm nervous, and when I'm nervous, as you know, I get psychic, and I just felt something cold pass over me.
Like death.
Oh One latte, coming up.
Yeah, I hate her.
Ach Julianne.
"Oh! Look at me, I read four books a day, so every idea I have must be brilliant!" Hey.
Please, just cut her some slack.
Oh, come on, you of all people know how I am with my assistants.
- Oh yeah.
- This is a trial by fire meant to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Your caffeinated elixir, m'lady.
Thank you, Rachel.
Good morning.
50/50 Press.
Yes, of course, I'll tell them right now.
Okay.
Bye.
Okay, uh, we're not psychic over here, so can you tell us what? That was Dori from River Rock.
Your old boss, Frank Galvin, had a heart attack.
What? Is Well, is he okay? No.
He's dead.
It's clearer inside of me who I will always be open me up to my heart.
Feels like I'm seeing in the dark, Waking up to my life to do it all over again and again.
Fun 'til the end the sum of my dreams and everything I ever wanted to be.
Ooh.
Tina Horwitz and her posse.
Check.
The heir apparent, the devil, oh hey, and Brent.
Check, check, check.
Do you think Scott thinks it's weird, the two of us coming here after his dad fired us? No.
Brent flew all the way from Australia to be here.
The least we could do is drive across town to-- Julianne, would you put that away? We're at a funeral.
Oh, dammit! See, it's Georgie.
She's gonna come by the office.
She's bringing us an office-warming gift.
How much do you wanna bet it's a dictionary? Julianne, she's just being nice.
No, she's trying to butter us up.
It's the last thing I need right now.
Sorry.
She's She's just beside herself with grief.
Uh, and now, ladies and gentlemen, Thomas Friedken would like to say a few words to commemorate my Father.
Those of us that are here-- Authors, editors, humble self-help gurus Thank you.
We all owe something to Mr.
Frank Galvin.
Speaking for myself, Frank thanked me for turning River Rock around with "The Secret of Now.
" You know, he used to say that we were gonna conquer the world with my little book.
Well, Frank, mi amigo, I don't know that we conquered the world, but I think we nabbed a little corner of it.
It says here everyone's meeting in the hall for tea and sandwiches.
No time.
We have to skip it.
Don't worry.
Something tells me Galvin would've preferred dancing and whiskey anyway.
Brent, welcome home.
So we hear that Scott Galvin, he's inheriting the ship? Yes, I now work for Happy Gilmore.
Beer and golf make his world go 'round.
Too bad I don't know my five iron from my wedge.
Well, better brush up, Tiger.
Well, if it isn't the staff of 50 percent-at-best press.
Lovely eulogy, Thomas.
I'm surprised you didn't have a table set up graveside so you could sell T-shirts and books.
How's my little blonde vulture doing? You still circling for scraps? Still making a career out of cannibalizing "The Secret of Now"? Frank Galvin leaves behind an empire.
What're you two gonna leave the world? A drawer full of musty, half-finished novels? A library of frilly, frothy picture books for the uneducated masses? Sweet dreams, kitties.
Ugh Friedken, he can just ugh! He can just rot in hell.
Can't believe you ever slept with him.
Oh, thank you, Erica.
Thank you for that much-needed image of Friedken and I, naked in his bed, with his hairy hands caressing my-- Okay, okay.
That's enough.
Michel Strithe was my favourite Professor at U of T.
I I had a total brain crush on him.
Julianne: Georgie.
Julianne! Oh my God, it's so good to see you! Oh, it's so nice to see you too.
I'm sorry we're late, I'm Oh, don't worry, Rachel has been showing me around.
You must be Erica.
Hi, I am.
It's lovely to finally meet you.
So I got you a little something.
Oh, wow.
Look, Erica, it's a dictionary.
Well, not just any ordinary dictionary; It's for editors and writers.
It has a thesaurus, alternative spellings.
Oh, it's gorgeous, Georgie.
- I'm sure we'll use it all the time.
- Mm.
Nice picture.
You look great.
Is this guy an actor? No, he's more of a personality.
It's Jay Manuel from America's Next Top Model.
Sorry.
I don't watch reality shows.
So, Georgie, Julianne tells me that we're going out for dinner with a friend of yours tonight? Yes.
Michel Strithe.
And I admit it, I am biased, but he really is brilliant.
And he'd look great on a book jacket.
- Hm! - Really? And here I was imagining a 75-year-old with ear hair and patches on his elbows.
She's funny.
Rachel: Michel Strithe is amazing.
You're going to, as you say, "heart" him.
Erica: Michel Strithe.
Did he write a piece for The Globe, on the blurring line between Church and State? Yes! Uh, it was picked up by the Times.
Christopher Hitchens Quoted him.
Wow! I mean, it's really impressive profile.
Sounds like.
Okey dokey.
Well I guess we're gonna see you later tonight, so I don't wanna keep you for anymore 'cause Georgie: Oh, looking forward to it.
- Yeah! - See you then.
Why are you encouraging her? Can I just say that Michel Strithe was the best professor I had in four years had at U of T? He is brilliant! Rachel, it's 3:00! My second wind's blown all the way to Scarborough by now.
Sorry.
I'm on it.
Julianne Can you just take it down a notch with Rachel? I have to get this.
Hey, Tina.
Hey! Oh, I know.
Wasn't the the funeral was touching? Yeah Okay.
One Julianne special.
Voila.
Merci beaucoup.
Hey Julianne's a a tough boss.
I'm not complaining.
No, you don't have to; I've been there.
My first job in publishing? Julianne's assistant.
No way.
Really? Yeah.
But I learned a lot from her.
So, I really I think that you just need to read her moves better.
Okay? So, for example, if she gets really stressed out then she air quotes a lot and her voice gets really, really high and it's just It's best to steer clear.
Thanks.
I'll remember that.
But look, you're gonna be fine.
Okay? A couple years from now you'll be some big-time editor, and and you'll look back at this and laugh.
Hopefully I'll be a big-time writer.
Oh, you wanna be a writer? Oh, don't get me wrong.
I'm so excited to learn about the publishing world.
I just want to end up working on the other side of the bookshelf.
Hmm.
I used to wanna be a writer.
Really? Yeah.
I mean back in the day.
Back in the last millennium, actually.
So have you, uh Do you write much, or? Poetry, a few plays I just started plotting out my first novel.
I write every day, rain or shine.
Wow! That's amazing.
Good, good for you.
Anyway, I better get this to Julianne.
It's already 3:06.
Give it up for the best footballer since Maradona.
Whoever that is.
Wow.
What's a guy gotta do to impress his girlfriend? Sorry.
That was a really great goal that you just scored, babe.
Well, I may never play for Liverpool Football Club, but A guy can dream.
Really? That was your dream? To play professional soccer Football, sorry.
Oh yeah.
I used to live and breathe the game.
Played in a league a little bit.
Do you ever wish you woulda kept it going? I never really think about it, to be honest.
Why? Where's this coming from? Oh, it's It's nothing.
It's just something that Friedken said to me today at the funeral, and then Rachel with her whole, you know, "I wanna write a novel.
" Whatever, it's stupid.
No, it's not.
Not if it's bothering you.
And it's not that I'm not happy doing what I'm doing.
I mean, I love my work.
It's just sometimes I Sometimes I wonder if I should've tried harder to become a writer.
Well, you still could.
You know, I'm not gonna be a professional footballer, I'm too old and my knees are shot-- but, but you? You could just start writing again.
Nothing's stopping you.
You're right.
I'm just being a whiner.
Mm.
A hot whiner.
You see, I don't have your talent for words.
Hopefully I make up for it in other ways.
Adam, we're in public.
You're right.
Wanna make out behind the bleacher? - Totally.
- Okay.
And this pattern can be traced back to the first beautiful woman, Eve, who was told by God in Genesis 3:16: "Your husband shall rule you.
" Georgie: Three little words that have shaped the oppression of women for centuries.
You're trying to show the hidden impact of religion and how it affects our day-to-day lives, and I, I just think that's really fresh.
Great.
What about you, Julianne, what do you think? Um I think That you can write a book about anything.
The question is, will people buy it? Well, I think Erica has read and enjoyed Michel's work, and I can argue for the fact that it's far from prosaic.
Well, that right there is a problem.
We publish prose, plain and simple, nothing poetic, nothing fancy-- Sorry, I think you're misunderstanding.
No, I understand just fine.
I know what prose means, Georgie.
Prosaic means boring.
Michel's work is far from boring.
Okay, let me know if this is what the doctor ordered.
Who'd like to taste it? Here, let me.
Mmm.
Wonderful! Buttery with a hint of caramel.
Great choice, Michel.
Michel: Julianne, if you were a wine, which wine would you be? I'm sorry? It's a game I used to play in undergrad-- too many wine and cheeses.
Okay, guys, let me tell you about tonight's specials.
We have a pan roasted Arctic char with orange and rosemary white sauce Erica: Was he charming or what? I went into the pitch prepared to hate it, but Michel, he totally sold me.
Well, that makes one of us.
I thought you two hit it off? Julianne: Where's my latte? Rachel! He totally had eyes for you.
Well, yeah; Nerds prefer blondes.
Ray-Ray! Right here, Julianne! Erica: 'Morning! Thanks.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Rachel, I said to make my lattes hot, not scalding.
Ow.
Why don't you just let it cool down.
Why is this on my desk? I left that there for you to peruse at your convenience.
Notes from the course I took with Michel Strithe - during my undergrad.
- Rachel So what, you wrote a dissertation, a thesis? No, just an overview of Michel's work on the applications of biblical hermeneutics.
Rachel If I wanted a crash course in Michel Strithe, I would have asked you.
- I just thought-- - I don't pay you to think; I pay you to follow directions and you can't even do that! if you think just 'cause you have some shiny master's degree that qualifies you to have ideas that are actually useful, think again! Rachel! Rachel, wait! What is wrong with you? You know what? I don't need this, Erica.
- Not today.
- What're you talking about? Julianne, that was completely unfair.
We are trying to run a business here, not train baby geniuses! Where are you going? Julianne, we are still talking.
No, you're talking, I'm walking.
Julianne! Wait! Agh! Rough day at the office? Oh my God, Julianne, she's she's crazy.
Well, a loaded statement, considering that she is your next patient.
Julianne is my patient.
Mm-hm.
Uh why? Well, uh Let's start with what just happened.
You rushed in here exasperated with Julianne's behaviour.
Yes, I think that she I mean, she needs to ease up on Rachel, but I don't think that she needs therapy.
I mean, Julianne, she's just She's just "Julianne," you know? I mean She's treating Rachel the exact same way that she treated me back in the day.
I see.
So you're saying that Julianne has a particular management style.
She's tough and that's her shtick.
Okay, she's tough.
And, uh, you can either handle her shtick - or you can't.
- Pretty much.
And I know, I was there.
I mean I had a horrible first day at River Rock.
She She basically fired me.
You got your job back though.
Yeah.
'Cause I figured out how to handle her.
And I wish that Rachel could do the same.
Well, that's interesting.
Well, why don't you take me back to your first day at River Rock.
Well Things with Julianne, they were bad from the get-go.
She had inherited me from her predecessor and then I gave her a real reason to hate me.
You know, she wanted to kill this book, "Rocket Man," and instead of following her cues, I decided to suggest a way to save the book in front of her entire staff.
So, Julianne, to put me in my place, she decided to humiliate me by reading out loud some short stories that I had submitted with my resume, in front of everyone.
Luckily, I was able to prove myself after that, because if hadn't, I I'd be gone.
And look, it's not the way that I manage, but you have to admit, she gets results.
So either the assistant, they figure her out, find a way to work with her, or pgh!-- They're gone.
Let's test this theory.
I want you to return to your first day at River Rock, and be the perfect assistant.
Use all of your knowledge of Julianne to blow her mind; To meet and exceed her every expectation.
I didn't get here because I look good in a skirt.
I earned it.
You want on my team? You better do the same.
So you have two degrees in English lit Never worked as an editorial assistant before.
Never even worked in publishing before.
You're how old? I'm thirty two.
Sorry.
Huh.
Just 'cause I'm 27 and I took my first proofreading job right out of high school.
Look, Julianne, I know that you have qualms - but-- - Ooh, yes, I do, because people with two English lit degrees, who use words like "qualms" in everyday language, are usually literature snobs and I have no time for them.
Mm.
Right.
And despite what you may think, I am not some ivory-tower English-lit snob.
Mm.
Yeah, I beg to differ.
See, I read your short collection of even shorter stories left behind by my predecessor.
They're very heavy.
Mm.
I wrote those a very long time ago and, uh, I wouldn't mind having those back, - if you're - Uhn-uhn-uhn.
Still reading.
Who knows? Maybe I'll even show them to Frank Galvin.
Ah! Ha.
Brent! Can you show Erica to the coffee lounge? Time to send her to school.
White poppy on your first pull The force is strong in you.
Well, you know, you pick things up here and there.
Agh! Brent! I just saved your life.
If you were to serve Julianne this with these Of course! Julianne only drinks organic espresso.
I keep a spare bag in my emergency drawer.
Julianne goes Hannibal if you make her a latte with reg.
Julianne: (Titters) Yes.
She gets that sexy little curl in her lip.
God, she can be so hot.
Mmm! I'll brb with the beans.
Good morning.
Oh! 'Kay Dr.
Tom, this is very, very weird.
Oh? Why is that? Because this only happened two years ago.
I mean, I like a little distance from my deja vu's.
Oh.
I see.
Well, other than that, how goes your second first day? Julianne, is she still being a, uh A "passive aggressive bitch-face.
" You're enjoying this, aren't you? Sure.
What am I doing here, other thank photocopying and making lattes? You have a patient and a theory.
What do you do with a theory? You test it.
Okay, so once I become the perfect assistant and Julianne loves me, that's gonna prove That you're right; That "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
" Sigmund Freud.
Or, in your case, a shtick is just a shtick.
Now what about "Rocket Man"? You were that book's sole champion.
Without you, Julianne'll kill it.
Right.
So, I guess I um I just take my own advice.
Because the first time around I, like Rachel, I just I chose the wrong moment.
And you can't contradict your boss in public and expect a medal.
So, this time I'll do it in private.
Sounds like you have a great plan and I hope it works out for you.
Oh, by the way, I made myself a doppio espresso, but I finished the beans.
I hope that's okay.
Would you just - Hello.
- Hello.
Who's that? Oh, I think he's from Accounting.
With those cheek bones? Me no think so.
Oh, I absolutely "heart" the way you've created subfolders within my documents file.
And what do we have here? A title page with the title bolded and underlined.
I am in heaven! Oh good, 'cause I aim to please.
Please and thank you.
However, your lattes, though aesthetically pleasing, leave much to be desired in the "taste department.
" Okay.
So all in all, I still think this might work out.
Mm! Great.
Next task: Marcus Stahl's outline.
Read it, type up some notes.
Frank Galvin loves him, so we better look like we tried to come up with something.
But frankly, I'm just not feeling the "juice.
" Oh.
Hello, Mr.
Friedken! Oh, I'm doing faboo.
I've got a brand new office, a new title, a wonderful new assistant.
Oh.
Well, I think our appointment's right before lunch, no? I love, love, love the new pages on "The Darlings of Pop.
" I'm telling you, Brent, my first slate is gonna knock the pants right off Frank Galvin.
Figuratively speaking, I hope.
Yeah.
OMG.
ballpoint retractable pens in blue and red.
A-plus, newbie.
Oh, lucky guess.
Can I take her home with me? Listen, Julianne, do you have a minute? Um, there's something I'd like to talk to you about.
In private.
Oh, of course! Mi office es su office.
Great! So I, um I went over Stahl's material like you asked and I actually think that there is "juice" in this.
- Really? - Yes.
You see, Stahl, he launched the Banting which sparked a revolution in digital communication.
E.
T.
phone home.
I don't see how that applies.
Wait, there's more.
He did it all while he was addicted to crack.
Stahl was addicted to crack? He had a family, he was a titan of business, but there he was, night after night, smoking crack with gang members.
And I know that that sounds bleak-- - Yeah, it really does.
- But it's not, because he beat his addiction, he got his family back, he won his way back to the top of the business world.
I mean, it is a story of redemption, of triumph over adversity.
And I really feel like, like there's a lot of "juice" in that.
Erica, I asked you to make some notes to show Galvin that we tried, not pitch me a whole book.
Oh.
I I um I just thought Well, I don't pay you to think.
Just leave it with me, anyway.
Thank you.
- Ah - Hey! Am I interrupting anything? You? Never.
Muah.
Muah.
Erica, two latte's, pronto-Toronto.
Um, I need to give you some notes.
Hurricane warning.
Mistress's meeting is off to a bad start.
I think maybe you should steer clear.
I don't think; I just do what I'm told, and Julianne wants two lattes.
"Pronto-Toronto.
" I am not sure that the reading public wants to hear a metaphysical exploration of parallel realities from you.
You're telling me what my reading public wants and doesn't want? No, no.
I am just saying I I just don't know that people will understand the subject matter.
You don't think you will.
Look, Jules, just because you don't understand what I'm proposing, doesn't mean other people won't.
Um, excuse me, here are your lattes.
Okay, here's what I'm proposing, Jules.
Why don't you leave the thinking to me? And you can busy yourself with pretty book covers and fun marketing campaigns.
Thomas-- Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh! What did I just say? Now, I want a meeting with Frank today.
Erica, go! Excuse me.
Um Um? No, of course, of course, of course.
Yes.
I'll, um I will set up a meeting with Frank today, run it up the flagpole.
That is the smartest thing you have said all day, kitten.
Whew Erica, could you gather up the troops? I want everyone in the department in my office, stat.
Of course, of course.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Oh no, no, no.
Erica, you stay.
No, I want you to have every opportunity to see how things work around here.
Of course.
Julianne: Okay.
I have a stunning work of staggering genius straight from the slush pile.
This is a ritual we used to do at the other office.
Julianne reads from the worst submissions.
It's hilarious.
Julianne: Settle in, everyone.
"The house is an abattoir.
" "Smoke billows from the chimney and up, breaking apart in the night sky.
" Okay! That's it! Is there a problem, Erica? Yes, there is a problem.
I need to speak to you alone, stat.
Pronto-Toronto, people! Uh Yeah, if you think that I'm "impressed" with your little act of rebellion, think again.
Listen, I'm I'm gonna tell you something.
Oh great, you've got 15 seconds.
- No, I'm not doing that again.
- Twelve.
- Julianne - Tick-tock, tick-tock Would you shut up and listen to me?! I thought that the whole trial by fire thing was an attempt to separate the wheat from the chaff, but it's not.
It's all about you using your stress and taking it out on your subordinates because they can't fight back.
Well, guess what? I am fighting back, and telling you that the way that you act Is wrong.
Are you finished? Yes.
I have been in the "biz" for 10 years.
You've been in it for one day.
There is no way that these are your notes.
Well, they are.
You listen to me, okay? There is just no way that some over-the-hill secretary figured out a book that I passed on.
No way! Oh my God.
You're threatened by these.
I don't think so.
You know what? Pack up your things.
Be on your way.
You're firing me? For insubordination, rudeness, and an out of control ego.
Adios.
I can't believe it.
Julianne is insecure? Sometimes a cigar is not just a cigar.
But why? I mean, she is so competent and she's so experienced.
And yet she reads your notes and she feels inadequate.
It's bizarre.
Honestly, it just It makes no sense to me.
Ah, feelings rarely make any kind of rational sense until we understand why we have them.
"With the possible exception of the Equator, everything begins somewhere.
" C.
S.
Lewis.
So I need to go and figure out why Julianne's insecure and then fix it.
I mean that's really hard to do.
You can't just go up to someone and say, "Don't feel insecure.
" Well, let me ask you something.
Do I ever fix you, Erica? No.
But you help me see what's going on though and and then, I fix myself.
A-plus, newbie.
Come on, Julianne, answer the phone.
Where are you? Julianne! Julianne? Hello! Julianne? Hey.
Hey, Erica, what're you doing here? Well, look, I was calling and calling you and you didn't answer the phone, and I then I got here and the door was open and Julianne, is everything okay? Erica, hi.
I'm gonna get going.
Good night.
Oh my God.
Oh man.
Erica: Why? I don't know why.
Julianne, you just slept with a man you don't even like and you don't know why? I mean, come on, this isn't like you.
No, it's exactly like me.
Freidken, I didn't like him either.
Ever since Georgie told me she was coming into town, I've had this Like permanent knot in my stomach.
Do you think that it's the same for her? I don't understand the question.
Well, it's just, you know, you You painted Georgie out to be this monster and the woman that I met, she seemed really genuinely happy to see you.
So what is this really about? It's just she makes me feel like crap-- Everything she says, everything she does-- All the time.
Even when we were kids, I mean, my pa Your parents? My parents used to say, "Georgie is our smart one, and Julianne "Julianne's our fun one.
" But you wanted to be the smart one.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Have you ever told Georgie about how you feel? I mean, about growing up and the two of you? Are you kidding me? She would laugh right in my face and tell me to grow up.
No.
Mm-mm.
I don't think she would.
Oh, you don't know my sister.
I don't think you know your sister.
I don't understand.
You slept with Michel to get back at me? For what? Not to get back at you.
Really? I bring you a potential author who you know is a friend of mine, and it just happened? No, no, Georgie, it didn't I, I, I slept with Michel because I just wanted to feel like I had something to offer.
What're you talking about? You know what, Julianne? Fine.
It's par for the course.
I am talking about last night, okay? I am talking about dinner.
I sounded like such an idiot.
I just wanted to make my Myself feel better.
So I called I called Michel and, and Oh, this is gonna sound so pathetic.
I just thought So maybe I'm I'm dumb, but, you know, at least I'm pretty.
At least I've got that, you know? Julianne You're not dumb.
How could you even think that? Georgie, you're the one with brains in this family.
You have a PHD, you teach at Yale You own your own publishing company.
You're self-made, you're behind a best-selling book.
I mean, Julianne, this is apples and oranges here.
When I called to tell you that I was coming to town, it didn't feel like you wanted to see me.
And I thought it was because you live this cool, incredible life, hanging out with actors and TV personalities, and I'm your boring, nerdy, loser sister cramping your style.
Julianne, do you have any idea what it was like with you as my sister in our house? At our school? I really don't know what you're talking about.
I'll make a list: Dad's favourite, head cheerleader, miss popular.
I couldn't compete.
I was in awe of you.
Okay, that's not how I remember it at all.
I mean, you were the one with the straight A's who mom and dad were actually proud of.
Me? Julianne Mom and dad have a framed copy of "The Secret of Now" in their living room.
And every time I call, it's "Julianne's publishing this," "Julianne met so and so.
" And "Georgie presented a paper in Berlin" and "Georgie just got published in the New York Times.
" Wow.
Wow.
Honey, I'm home.
Cutie.
Mmm.
I got you a present.
What is it? Oh.
What's this for? Oh, I figured you were gonna start writing, you're gonna need something to write on.
You don't like it? - No, I do.
It's just - Really? 'Cause your face is saying something different.
It's just I'm already kinda over it.
You know, I mean, yesterday, it was just It was It was such a weird day with the funeral and then, and then Rachel starting.
I think I just caught up in the wondering, you know, and But I can always use the notebook for other things.
So thank you.
Sorry, can we just back up a sec? You said you wanted to start writing and now you're saying you don't.
Not really.
Not really.
You didn't just wanna be a writer yesterday, Erica.
So, come on, tell me what's going on.
I don't know.
I mean, what What if I'm bad? Yeah, you might be bad.
But You might be great.
There's only one way of finding out.
Erica: Insecurity.
It's in all of us.
That voice inside that tells us we can't do something, that we're not good enough, that we shouldn't even try.
And when we listen to the voice, we hold ourselves back in ways we don't even realize.
All because we're scared to take a chance, to face our fears, to see what we're really capable of.
Well, uh Julianne, would you would you like to start? Oh.
Um Rachel Uh I want you to know this is really, really hard for me.
Um, it's hard because I don't often apologize.
But that's what I'm doing.
I apologize for For how I treated you.
It was unprofessional, and it was It was unfair, and I wish I could take it back, but I can't.
So, if you no longer feel that you can work here, then I'll understand.
So what do you say? I say Apology accepted.
But under one condition: That you won't ever scream at me the way you did ever again.
I won't.
I promise.
But I can't promise that-- You won't snap at me or call me Ray-Ray.
Okay, that? This Cannot keep happening.
No psychics allowed.
Here? This is a no-fly zone.
I'll try.
And yes, Julianne, I'll go and get you a latte right now.
I think I love her.
Okay, okay.
I'm really proud of you.
Thank you.
So, have you decided what you're gonna publish instead? Probably "Osso Barko," unless you have a better title.
- Ha.
- Hmm? And even if I did, No? Why not? Well, because.
You've slept with the author.
That's a big no-no.
Just ask poor old Michel Strithe.
Who's that? You expecting someone? Mm-mm.
Coming.
Sammy! Erica, I'm so glad you're home.
Oh, I'm I'm sorry.
Hi, Adam.
No, it's fine.
Come on in.
What is it? Is everything okay? Yeah.
Yes.
And no.
But I think more yes than no.
Sam! Okay, you're killing me! What is it? I'm pregnant.
Uh