Bunk'd (2015) s04e02 Episode Script

1 Afternoon, campers.
Tomorrow is the Camp Kikiwaka Talent Show! Back by so-so demand.
Auditions are this afternoon Yes! It's my time to shine! Relax, Hollywood.
Only campers can perform.
You're directing the show.
Yeah, I'm really more of an on-stage guy than a backstage guy.
Well, instead you could be in charge of separating the dry garbage from the wet garbage.
Directing it is! So everyone who wants to perform, see Noah.
This is your chance to show us some talent that might otherwise go unnoticed.
And others that maybe should.
I'm looking at you, Stan.
No one likes a mime.
So what do you think kids will do for the talent show? Knowing this place, probably just fart karaoke.
I bet they'll be looking to me again for the only real entertainment.
What talents do you have? So many.
Avoiding frostbite.
Marking my territory.
Groundhog agility.
Yeah, I'm not sure any of those can be done on a stage.
Right, Ava? Sure, I could go for some groundhog.
Sorry, I'm exhausted.
I haven't slept since I got to camp.
I've probably been keeping you up.
Luckily no, because if I don't get my eight hours, I've been known to punch first, and ask questions later.
You scare me a little.
Respect.
Why can't you sleep? I don't know.
My family is full of great sleepers.
Back in the city, our appartement is right next to a fire station.
And we sleep through all the sirens.
We're actually kind of worried about it.
The talent show is going to be so awesome! What should we do? How about that dance we practiced last year, with the big finish where you lift me and I soar like a swan? More like I try to lift you, and you crush me.
No one's ever seen our dance, and no one ever will.
Come on.
It wasn't that bad.
Are you kidding? I went to the infirmary so often, they gave me a punch card.
I know what might be fun.
How about ventriloquism? I saw this funny thing online with a ventriloquist and a human dummy.
But which one of us would be the dummy? Just kidding, I know it's me.
Exactly, it's a perfect fit! But first, let's just try the lift.
I mean, look at you.
You've bulked up so much since last summer.
Well, I have been deadlifting dictionaries.
Unabridged.
I don't know why you're doing it on a bridge, but it's working.
Maybe I could do it.
Okay, let's give it a try! Yes! (GRUNTS) Well, at least I'll get my punch card filled.
One more injury and I get a free X-ray! Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Gwen! I've got something for you! Ooh! Is it something to add to my dried raccoon poop collection? For the last time, it's never going to be that.
I was in a braiding frenzy in arts and crafts this morning and look what I made you! Wow, thanks! What is it? It's a friendship bracelet.
Let's put it on! So this means we're friends? Of course! Bracelet official.
So, if we're officially friends now Does that mean we only hang out with each other? No, you can totally have more than one friend.
In fact, the more the better! Really? How many do you have? I hate to brag, but if I get any more friends, it'll cut off my circulation.
Hey, Matteo! Whatcha doing? Oh, just examining this darkling beetle's segmented antenna, as stated in my field guide of insects.
You know, the uszh.
That is so cool! Do you want to join me? This is so cute.
It looks just like the binky I had when I was a baby.
You slept with a stuffed beetle? Well, it was alive.
So I guess you could say it was stuffed with guts.
Feel! Hey, this isn't as gross as I thought! Coochie, coochie, coo! (BOTH LAUGH) Who has notched eyes and fused wings? - That's right, you do! - (LAUGHS) I'm having so much fun right now! Me, too! Hey, Gwen? Do you think you'd want to wear my friendship bracelet? - You want to be my friend too? - Of course! You're nice, fun, and you love the same insects as me, so you're obvi supes coolio to the maximo.
Please still wear this.
- Are you aslee - (BOTH SCREAM) You scared me to death.
My bad.
I shouldn't have snuck into your cabin in the middle of the night like a creepo.
Oh, wait, that was you! Come on, I can't sleep and I'm bored! Plus, you're my boss, so Tell me what to do.
How about anything on the to-do list I gave you for the talent show? You gave me a list? Sorry, when I'm sleep-deprived, I get a little forgetful.
Well, when I'm sleep-deprived, I get a little cranky.
Maybe you'd get some more sleep if you learned how to delegate responsibility.
You know, share your workload with other people.
That's why I gave you a list.
You gave me a list? Finn? Did I walk in on something I shouldn't have? It's for our ventriloquist act.
The one we're doing, since you refuse to do our dance and let me crush you.
Yeah, I'm a real diva.
Okay, I'll be back soon to practice.
No, we need to practice now.
The talent show is tonight! I'm going swimming with Gwen, but I promise we'll do it when I get back.
Okay, fine.
Wait.
Where did you get that make-up? I found some in the supply shed.
The shed with all the paint cans? Yeah! This color is called "semi-gloss.
" Finn, that's really not good for you.
What are you talking about? I feel glurn.
Okay, Bart, you're in.
But for the show, I want to really believe that the dad sock loves the son sock.
Also, just want to put out there, puppetry does not replace therapy.
(SINGSONG) I'm here! I know you've been waiting for an actual good act to close the show.
Well, prayers answered.
(CHUCKLES) Really? You're that good? I'm a pageant girl.
"Showstopper" is my middle name.
Seriously, my dad legally changed it when I was four.
That's a lot of pressure to succeed.
Yeah.
But with great ringlets comes great responsibility.
Okay, what do you got? You name it.
- You like dancing? - Yeah.
This number got me named Little Miss Ernie's Used Auto Parts.
(UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING) Ta-dow! Nice work.
You're closing the show.
That's it? Nice work? (SCOFFS) Last time I did that dance, I got a standing ovation.
And free snow tires! (HUFFS) Showbiz.
Lou, great news.
Did you find the list? (SCOFFS) No.
But I caught a quick 15-minute nap on the nature hike I was leading.
I'm 90% sure the campers made it back.
Ava, I know you're sleepy, but the talent show is tonight.
So, maybe you could paint the backdrop or label the soundboard, or nudge that 90% up to a 95? Absolutely.
I'm totally focused and on top of things now.
Why are you only wearing one shoe? Here's a crazier question.
Whose shoe is this? I've never seen anyone do a cannonball without even making a ripple! Well, sure.
Aren't you guys worried about waking up the lake eels? Now I am.
So, what are you doing for the show? Finn wanted us to do this dance, but it was humiliating, so we compromised, and now he's going to sit on my lap and pretend to be a doll.
Now that I'm hearing it, maybe I'm not a very good negotiator.
Come on, the dance can't be that bad.
Let me see it! Okay.
It goes something like this.
First you slide, then you pop the hips, then wiggle BOTH: Slide, pop the hips, then wiggle.
You got it! - Slide - This is fun! I haven't wiggled like this since I ran into a bee hive.
(BOTH GIGGLING) Finn, did you make a doll of me? Well, since you were busy, and the show is in three hours, I made this to rehearse with instead.
I know, I'm sorry.
I just lost track of time.
Gwen wanted to show me how to shoot a targer in the eye.
No, I said "a marmot" in the eye.
Oh.
Seems more sinister now.
We were supposed to be rehearsing.
So let's rehearse.
Gwen, you can stick around and watch.
Okay.
Hey, Matteo, did you hear about the camp that didn't have cabins? Mmm, no.
It was in-tents! I think I should speak for both of us since I'm the ventriloquist.
What do you think, Gwen? I like it the way it is.
Can we just get back to rehearsing? (SIGHS) Fine.
Hey, Finn, did you know they opened a restaurant on the moon? Yeah, I heard it had great food, but no atmosphere! Maybe I should have some of the funny lines.
That's not how it works.
That's the dummy's job.
- Says who? - The dummy! Gwen, what do you think? Quit asking her! This is between us.
I'm going to leave.
No, don't leave! We're hanging out! We were supposed to be practicing! I am practicing! But you're not focusing! Which is saying a lot coming from me! You guys, please stop fighting! You know what? Forget it! We're not doing anything for the talent show! Let's go, better-looking Matteo.
Thanks for trying to help me nap, Lou.
That's really nice.
As camp director, it is my responsibility to make sure my Kikiwaka children are cared for.
Also, I have a talent show to plan and you're more trouble to me awake than asleep.
So let's get 'er done.
All right, I'm digging the attitude.
Are you single? 'Cause my older brother would love you.
If he likes historical pirate fiction, have him call me.
Let's try this relaxation technique.
Close your eyes.
Now tense your body tight.
Clench, clench, clench.
- (GRUNTS, EXHALES) - Now relax.
Relax.
- Now clench! - (STRAINING) And relax.
You're relaxing, and napping.
And I'm escaping.
I'm still awake.
Ava! I'm sorry, but the relaxing didn't make me relax, the clenching just made me tense, and now I gotta go pee a little.
Okay, sweetie, how about we go for a nice little walk? I'll let myself out.
Good girl.
Hey, Destiny.
Are you here to rehearse? Nope, I'm here to re-audition.
But you're already in the show.
I don't want to be in the show.
I want to be (DRAMATICALLY) in the show.
Okay.
(UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING) Ta-dow! (LAUGHTER) Like I said earlier, you're very good.
You should feel proud.
Proud? What do you think I am? Some participation-ribbon-wearing loser? (SCOFFS) (DRAMATICALLY) You don't deserve my "ta-dow"! Finn? Are you still mad at me? I said I was sorry for being late to practice.
Finn? If you're in there, fart twice.
I know you can do it.
Gwen gave it back? Welcome, everyone, to the Camp Kikiwaka Talent Show! I'm your emcee, Noah's your director, and over on the ones and twos is my number three, DJ Ava.
Drop the beat! Give me a d-rop on the b-eat! Are you sure you can handle this? Yes.
I'm fresh as a Daisy! Now, coming up first to the stage, Billy Thompson from Badger Cabin will dazzle us with Irish step dancing.
DJ Ava, drop the beat! (DOLPHIN CLICKING) Kind of hard to dance a jig to a lovesick dolphin! Sorry, my bad.
(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) Now, that's more like it.
Billy, let's see those feet fly and those arms stay stiff! (DRUMROLL) Hey, Gwen.
Why'd you give this back? Well I can't be your friend anymore.
Why? (GASPS) What have you heard? Those swim trunks were defective! You go.
Destiny said people can be friends with more than one person.
But it's not true.
They can't.
Of course they can.
Then why is Finn mad at you? Well, because I missed rehearsal, since I was spending time with you.
I guess I've been spending a lot of time with you.
Maybe that's why he looked so sad when he saw you teaching me your dance.
He saw us? Unless it was some other kid dressed like a dummy.
Not sure if that's a thing.
(SIGHS) It's not a thing.
It's our thing.
Ugh.
I've been a horrible friend.
Give it up for the Magnificent Molly, and her dark arts! Who's got your nose? It's Molly! Coming up next is what everybody loves in the middle of a two-hour show.
(HALFHEARTEDLY) A mime! DJ Ava, drop the beat! (SIREN WHOOPS, CAR HORN HONKS) (DRILL WHIRRING) You are really pressing my buttons tonight, Ava.
Just not the right ones.
(PIG OINKING) Oinks? Why do we have oinks? Sometimes I miss home.
Step aside.
DJ Lou is taking over.
Quick note.
- I forgot to label the buttons.
- What? But look who's wearing two shoes! Still don't know whose they are.
(SIREN WAILING) Don't you silently yell at me, Stan.
This is why nobody likes a mime.
(CAR HORN HONKING) Is this going to take long? I need to find out if Stan's gonna get out of that invisible box.
Hah! Man, I love a mime! I put together a new routine.
This one you'll absolutely love! Destiny, the show is almost over, and you're still auditioning? I hope you're wearing socks.
Because I'm about to knock them off.
I am wearing socks.
Although, someone did steal a pair of my shoes.
(UPBEAT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) Ta-dow! So, have I finally impressed you for real? Destiny, you're already closing the show.
I told you I like all your stuff.
What more do you want? I want you to love it! Who cares if I love it? Do you love it? What are you talking about? You've been telling me what your dad loves, what the judges love, what I should love.
The question is, what do you love? Pageants.
I've devoted my whole life to them.
I mean, the performing's not my favorite part.
There's a lot of pressure to impress people.
That sounds hard.
It is.
Everyone expects a lot of me.
So if it's not the performing, what do you love about pageants? Well, during my reign as Little Miss Tampa, I got to go visit some kids who were in the hospital.
I brought them presents, and we hung out.
That felt really good.
So you like the charity part.
Yeah.
But I guess I don't need pageants for that.
Maybe I've been focusing on the wrong thing.
You know, if you did want to focus on finding a good cause this summer, I could help you.
I'd like that.
So, you still want to close the show? No.
I don't really need to anymore.
Come on.
Let's go watch a guy with sock puppets work out his issues.
Thank you, Bart! We all knew socks could warm our feet, but now we know they can warm your heart.
Good night, everybody! DJ Lou, play us off! Wait! I still haven't performed! You said you and Finn were dropping out.
I changed my mind.
Okay, this day is never gonna end.
But I can't do my act without my best friend.
Finn, wanna dance? Our dance? I'm sorry.
I was just so excited to have a new friend.
But I made a promise to you and I should've kept it.
Do you forgive me? Duh! So, you're not afraid of being crushed anymore? Oh, I'm terrified.
But if anyone's going to crack my ribs, I want it to be my best friend.
Mmm, ribs.
Stay with me, buddy.
So, what do you say? Let's do it.
But I think we're going to need a little help.
Gwen, will you come up here? Me? (POP MUSIC PLAYING) This is more fun than getting sprayed by beetle mucus! She's really gross! I can see why we like her! Are you ready for the big finish? - We did it! - Yes! I'm flying! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) That was beautiful.
DJ Lou, play us off! (ELECTRONIC BEEPING, SIREN WAILING, HORNS HONKING) Ava, I could use a little help over here! How are you sleeping through all this horrible noise? Since we seem to be having some technical difficulties, how about some Shakespeare? (KIDS GROAN) Guys, I like your bracelets.
Thanks, we made them for each other.
We're all officially friends now.
Soon, I'm gonna have as many as Destiny.
It might be awhile.
Can someone tell me what we're doing here? Well, after last night, I realized why Ava hasn't been able to sleep since she left the city.
It's too quiet for her out here.
Okay, I'm ready.
Grab your things.
Let's make some noise! Hey, move your car! I'm walkin' here! Yo, taxi! That rat's got my pizza! Look, a two-story building! Did I get it right? Guys, look! She's sleeping! Sweet dreams!