Dawn of the Croods (2015) s04e02 Episode Script

1 [all gobbling.]
[sobbing loudly.]
I said [sobs loudly.]
Aren't you gonna ask me what's wrong? The worst has happened.
Mow and I broke up! [sighs deeply.]
It's for the best.
That grunting man-ape wasn't good enough for you! Sorry he dumped you, Gran.
Oh, I dumped him.
Still, comfort me! - Oh, please, enough wallowing.
- [grunts.]
Just add Mow to the long list of men you have left in the dust.
Uh, let's see.
There was Wal, too tall.
Loo, too short.
Dainty, too ugly.
Clop, looked too much like Dainty.
Grrr, too liyote.
Ur, too So, I know what I hate.
What's your point? - You cannot commit.
- Sure, I can! It's not just the dating.
Look at all these other things you abandoned.
Unfinished knitting, this self-portrait, your list of enemies.
[Gran.]
Oh, I got the main one down! You never followed through on anything, and I bet you never will.
I'll take that bet! Great.
Winner has to say the other person is right.
Always right.
Say it? When I win, I want you to sing it! [chuckles.]
Because I can commit and I won't stop until I prove it! Uh, starting tomorrow.
Hmm.
What if you try something you've never done before, like, I don't know, being nice to people? Okay.
I'll commit to never making fun of you three ding-dongs ever again.
That one doesn't count.
Eek.
No.
[groans.]
Slobs.
[mutters.]
You smell bad.
[inhales, exhales.]
[Gran muttering.]
[gasps.]
[breathes heavily.]
Oh, I'm making this way too hard on myself.
Oh! Got it! I'll moss my teeth every day! [Eep.]
There's a whole meatball in there! And is that a scrap of my pelt? - Fine, you caught me.
- Well, looks like I won the bet.
So let's hear it.
I, Grug Crood, am always what? Huh? What am I always? [growls.]
So what if Mom can't commit? It's better than her being with that oversized, knuckle-dragging, weird - Oh, hey, Mow! - Bet's not over, Grug! I patched things up with this chunk-of-hunk, and we're making the biggest commitment of all! [gasps.]
You're not gonna make - fun of us anymore? - No, goober face.
We're getting married.
Today! - You are getting married? - To Mow? - Congrats! - Yay! Ugga, you might wanna get to know him, 'cause Mow's gonna be your new daddy! - I'm Mow.
- [gasps.]
This is so exciting! We've never been to a wedding.
Mom and Dad didn't invite us to theirs.
Just a small ceremony with me, Ugga, you guys, and most importantly, Grug! [chortles.]
- Uh, what about Mow? - Oh, yeah.
Him, too.
Ta-da! So you can surprise Mow with your beauty at the last moment.
[giggles.]
Oh, I love it! Bam! Look at all those gorgeous wrinkles! Bet you're thinkin' about 'em.
Before you say your vows, I thought you could exchange these.
Sandy? [coughs, gags.]
You wear 'em like this.
'Cause nothing says "together forever" like exchanging parasites.
[laughs nervously.]
"Together forever"? Oh.
[shudders.]
Did anyone else's feet just get cold? [blows.]
Just blowing on your feet for good luck.
Oh, is that is that not a thing? Do we not do that? Okay, let's start with some basic getting-to-know-you questions.
Do you prefer hunting or gathering? - [grunts.]
- [Ugga groans.]
Are you a crabby tabby person or a liyote person? [grunts.]
- [tabby howls.]
- [Ugga groans.]
Lunch! You can tell a lot about a person by their favorite food! [gobbling.]
Or not.
[grumbles.]
Come on, you gotta give me something.
I'm Mow? Yes, I know.
Believe me, that is not lost on me.
[irritated chuckle.]
[kids singing.]
Gran, Gran, Gran-Gran Gran, Gran, Gran-Gran Behold, the blushing bride! [belches loudly.]
So, you are really ready to commit to Mow forever, huh? Yep! So you better be ready to admit that I'm the commitment master! Kids, victory music.
Gran won the bet Gran is always right Okay, you win.
You are always right.
And since this is such a special occasion, let's go all out.
Have a big party, invite all your friends! Really? I thought this would just be a small family affair.
But why? It's not like you are ever going to want to back out of this! Of course not! Sure, invite my friends.
Heck, invite my enemies! - Why not the whole valley? - Yes! Why not? [teeth chatter.]
Will you guys cut that out? [both.]
Sorry! [indistinct chatter, laughter.]
Wow, this feels like a huge deal.
Like a crushingly huge deal.
No more huge than the commitment you're about to make.
We brought the food! [giggles.]
Three layers of meat with a creamy meat filling, so no one has to leave to go hunt! And Sandy's wrangling all the flowers so no one gets injured.
[Sandy snarls.]
That's a good flower girl! Ugh! So, big changes, huh? You becoming my dad, me becoming your similarly-aged daughter.
Lot of stuff for us to talk about, wouldn't you say? Huh? - [grunts.]
- That's it! That's it! I have done everything I can to get to know you, but all I get is "Uh, uh.
" I mean, how can you be so unfeeling, so emotionally hollow [gasps.]
Oh, are you crying? [sniffles, gasps.]
Mow just gets nervous.
Love Gran so much.
Really want Gran family to like Mow too.
- [sobs.]
- Aw, that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard you say.
And the longest.
But also the sweetest! - Mom? Where are you going? - Just off to the little Gran's bush.
Might be a while.
Don't wait up.
[shrieks.]
Unh-unh.
Not so fast! It's time for wedding pictures.
Say "fleas"! [drawing.]
[Gran grumbles.]
Ooh, don't worry, I'll retouch it.
Well, time to get this wedding started.
Unless, of course, you wanna back out and lose a certain bet? Never! Mow and I are gonna be together forever! [animal screeches.]
[shrieks.]
Take my husband! He has more flesh for eating! I don't really wanna marry him in the first place! - [all scream.]
- [screeches.]
[Gran.]
"Just married.
" - [groans.]
- [Mow grunts.]
Oops.
Looks like the symbolic lovebird release happened early.
[crying.]
And everyone hold their awkward pose Say "fleas"! I'm so sorry.
I really do like you.
[Gran sobs.]
[Gran continues sobbing.]
I'm terrible.
Gran, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have put you in that position.
Look, if you still wanna be with Mow, I'm sure he'd take you back.
I tried to sacrifice him to a death bird.
Marriages have come back from worse? Huh? Uh No, I'll say it.
[inhales deeply.]
Grug, you were right I can't commit [groans.]
I shouldn't have had a wedding just to win a dumb bet and rub your face in it.
[groans.]
Stupid guilt.
Can't you let me have this win? [sighs.]
Well, who can blame you? You're always trying to torment me.
I am your whole enemies list.
You're right.
I am always trying to torment you! - You know what that means? - That living with you is a nightmare I can never wake up from? No! I can commit! I am committed to making you miserable! And I have no intention of ever stopping.
Why, it's practically my life's work.
Ha! Well, I'm glad you feel better, thanks to hating me.
Oh, I don't hate you.
In fact, I'm starting to feel sorry I put all those spider-ants in your pelt.
[shrieks.]
[giggles.]
It's a little wedding present to myself.
[Thunk.]
Welcome to Gran and Mow's non-marriage ceremony.
The couple have chosen to say their own vows.
Gran? [clears throat.]
Mow, I promise to love you forever.
Unless you annoy me or your feet stink or your breath is bad or But till then, love ya, ya big meathead! Mow? [sobs.]
[sniffles.]
Uh-huh.
Oh, you are good enough for my mom.
Maybe too good.
May I present the happy, for now, couple.
You may now kiss the Gran.
- [all cheer, sing.]
Gran, Gran, Gran, Gran, Gran Gran, Gran, Gran, Gran, Gran Gran, Gran, Gran, Gran Gran, Gran, Gran Gran, Gran, Gran, Gran, Gran Gran, Gran, Gran, Gran, Gran Gran, Gran, Gran - [Eep.]
Every mating season - [screeching.]
the animals all show off to declare dominance.
Us kids show off too, but for Well, yeah, also for dominance.
It's called "The Beasty Pageant," where we compete to see who can best pose, call, and strut like an animal.
The winner is named Junior Alpha of Ahhh! Valley.
And at the last pageant, I was pretty sure that was gonna be me.
[shouts, whimpers.]
Oof, is that a ramu? More like ram "ew.
" [all cheering.]
Our next Beasty is Eep Crood.
For your call, Eep, give us a nightingwhale's love song.
[sighs.]
[coos softly.]
[coughs.]
No, a nightingwhale's love song.
[clears throat.]
[strangled sounds.]
[clears throat.]
[high-pitched wailing.]
Would you like to be dragged off in shame? Why do you keep torturing yourself? And why did you draw that slate in the first place? I need to remember what happened last time so I don't mess up again.
Now, which call do you think is my strongest? [barks like seal.]
Or [ribbits.]
Or [vibrates lips, shrieks.]
Come again? Couldn't hear you over the sound of that bear owl, mosquitoad and gir-elephant.
- Eep, they are all winners! - No, they all need work.
I have to make sure every aspect of my performance is perfect so I don't repeat "The Failure.
" Or you could just have fun with it, you know? Thunk, do you know how many of my heroes won the Beasty Pageant when they were kids? Amber, Wal, that guy who can balance all those rocks on his head.
That pageant changed my life! And they sure didn't do it by having fun! Darn straight, I didn't! Over here, you bozos! Gran, you won the Beasty Pageant? I don't know.
Let's ask some liyotes! [howls.]
[all howling.]
Oh, wow! Gran, can you train me? Oh, I don't know.
Let's ask some wart frogs.
[ribbits, snorts.]
- [loud snorting.]
- [Eep gasps, laughs.]
The key to this pageant is be exactly the way I am every day.
Perfect.
Round one, poses.
Crabby tabby, go! [meows.]
[gasps.]
Ooh! Crab-tabulous! That's crab-tabverage at best.
Tail should be straighter.
Your claws rounder.
Your tongue scratchier! Your legs more numerous! - [screeches.]
- [screams.]
And you call that bleeding? Round two, calls.
Repeat after me.
[meows, hisses.]
[repeats noises.]
No.
Do it again.
Aw! [repeats noises.]
That's it! You're ready.
- You really think so? - Nope.
But it's time for the pageant.
Welcome to Ahhh! Valley's 40th seasonal Beasty Pageant, where we celebrate survival of the fiercest! [all cheer.]
Say hello to six-time champ and our judge, Amber! [all cheering.]
Hello.
This season Amber want two thing: good competition and world chaos! [all cheer.]
[purrs.]
I'm feeling pretty good about my chances.
Mastered a few new impressions.
One of them was of the fiercest predator of Eep? Yep.
I'm back and I'm here to win.
Sweet! But I'm also here to win, so what? I did not plan for this.
Uh, any last advice? Do everything perfectly and live in fear of even the slightest mistake.
[emcee.]
Round one, animal poses.
First up, the lizvult.
Is that perfect? Is it? Would my voice be in your head if it was? Whoa! Awesome lizvult, Eep! Can't say I'm surprised, since everything you do is awes You out! At least now I don't have to root against myself.
Go, Eep! Next up, the Moooose.
You so out! They are dropping like flying bugs, folks! Amber see enough.
Kevin best.
Eep, Mosh, Sulk, also pretty good.
Move on to round two.
Way to go, Eep! Pretty good! That's really close to "good," and not all that far from "great!" No, Thunk, if I'm not the best - I might as well be worst.
- You might as well be worst.
Well, at least you're good at knowing how terrible you are.
And now, the round that at least one of you has been waiting for, animal calls.
Whoo! [laughs.]
Liyote.
[panting.]
[howls.]
Lion-squirrel! [roars.]
[inhales, chitters.]
Fishcat.
[coughs.]
Molar bear.
Remember, snarl, snarl, hiss, roar, snarl! Also, you're terrible.
[sighs.]
[roars, snarls.]
[all cheer.]
Amber want give helpful criticism.
But that hard, so instead, Amber say whatever come into Amber head.
Mosh yip, stirring.
Sulk roar, revelation.
Kevin bubble, make Amber hate everything! - And Eep, growl so-so.
- Huh? - You and Kevin out! - What? Mosh and Sulk go to finals.
[all cheer.]
But I did mine exactly right! Eep growl technically flawless, but have no heart.
Now, Eep be good loser.
Tell Mosh and Sulk, Eep glad they so much better than Eep.
[groans.]
[muffled yips.]
Okay, Mosh, we all know you did a good yip, no need to rub it in.
Mosh faked her yip! She's a yip-syncer! You, out! Eep, in.
[gasps, whimpers.]
Amber said I need more heart.
I don't get it! To be honest, you didn't look like you were having fun.
Animals always look like they're having fun.
Exactly! You need to look like you're having fun.
Smile.
Bigger.
Bigger! Huh.
Not too big, you don't wanna look like a freak.
There, now you're having fun! - Just in time for the final round.
- [emcee.]
The strut! Where our two finalists show us their most fabulous predatory prance.
Now, please welcome our first strutter, Sulk! Tweet! Tweet! Also, chirp! Whoa, he's good! I have to be better! Maybe I can widen my eyes even more! Uh Your mouth is smiling, but your eyes are dying? Is this better? Or how about this? Tell me, tell me! They gotta be flawless! [groans.]
[strains.]
[emcee.]
Now, that's commitment, folks! Boy, I would not want to follow that.
[laughs.]
Now, someone who has to, Eep! [Gran groans.]
She's gotta pose harder.
Punch it! Punch it! [grunts, shouts.]
[emcee.]
Oh, you hate to see this! Except, secretly, you love it.
She's failing again.
You're failing! Again! Eep, just have fun! [Thunk.]
Just have fun! Fun! [Gran.]
At least you're good at knowing how terrible you are! - [Thunk.]
Fun! - [Gran.]
Also, you're terrible.
- Fun! Fun! - Terrible! Terrible! [Thunk.]
Fun! [trills.]
[snarls.]
[roars loudly.]
[slow clap.]
[all cheer.]
Amber impressed.
Eep show lots of heart.
So, Amber say winner of Beasty Pageant and new Junior Alpha of Ahhh! Valley Eep Crood! [all cheering.]
Amber keep eye on you.
Maybe one day you do great thing, like him.
Just don't steal my bit, man! I only had confidence in you, except for the parts of me that doubted ya.
Ha! Once I stopped worrying about being perfect, it just clicked! I should be imperfect more often.
- That's why I'm always imperfect! - [Lerk.]
Wait! Can I at least show off my new impression of the fiercest predator of all? Amber! Huh? Huh? [snaps fingers.]
[imitates Amber.]
I think Lerk is so good at doing Amber's impression.
Amber like Lerk.
Amber think Lerk is smartest, most wonderful person.