Felicity s04e02 Episode Script

Previously on Felicity.
I don't think you have any idea how hard this year's gonna be.
I didn't mean to be late.
Whatever.
I'm gonna go play some basketball.
Then it occurred to me that we're just lost, you know.
- You okay? - Yeah.
- What? - My earring.
I just Oh.
Uh Well, I'm sure it's - Well, I'm sure it's - You know, just forget it.
Hey, hey, hey.
Everything's gonna be okay.
All right? Honestly, I I don't think it is.
Do you think you could wait just five minutes before you come downstairs? Sure.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- You're still here.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, I'm sorry about before.
This whole premed thing's got me pretty freaked out.
- It's not your fault.
- It is.
I was being a jerk.
I got some food if you wanna stay and talk.
Actually I think I'm gonna just, uh I'm not feeling very well.
I think I'm gonna go back to the dorm, just sleep.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I didn't know you guys were here.
I was at the roof hanging out.
Hey.
Hey.
How's it going? Great.
Yeah, I'm just I should go.
I got to work on my resume.
All right.
So you still upset? No.
I'm just tired.
I'm gonna just get some sleep.
- You sure? - Yeah.
- Okay.
Well, feel better.
- Thanks.
* Can you become * * Can you become * * A new version of you * * New wallpaper * * New shoe leather * * A new way home * * I don't remember * * New version of you * * I need a new version of me * * New version of you * * I need a new version of me * Thanks.
Um - We didn't wake you? - No.
No.
Good, because we've got problems.
Yeah.
Um, our minister's overbooked and we need a replacement.
We know how much you believe in love and commitment.
- And fidelity.
- Yeah.
So we want you to perform the ceremony.
- Are you joking? - No.
This is no joke.
It's real easy.
You go online to the Universal Life Church, and in five minutes, you become ordained.
I don't know anything about Well, you can talk to my minister.
He'll give you an idea what to say.
My aunt and uncle have been married 50 years.
They've got a lot to say about love.
I told them you were gonna call.
They should perform the ceremony if they have experience.
No.
They're nuts.
I don't wanna ruin your wedding.
You will ruin it if you don't do it.
Please.
It will make us so happy.
Okay.
Whoa.
What you guys been doing? - What are you talking about? - You got a big-ass hickie on your neck.
Ooh, Tracy.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
All right.
Prepare to have your minds blown.
You are not gonna believe what's in this box.
Unless we can practice a wedding in it, I don't really give a hoot.
I forgot to budget for rehearsal space.
- That was smart, wasn't it? Thank you very much, G.
I.
Joe.
- Hey, man.
- I'm asking, Seany.
- Huh? - Can we do it here? Oh, yeah.
Sure.
Okay, check these out.
The greatest party favor ever.
- It's a condom.
- Really? I've never seen one before.
No, not one of these.
Right? - Does that kill or what? - I got to get to class.
I'm late.
I created these.
I call them the Rubber Bands.
They play "Happy Birthday," "Pomp and Circumstance," uh, you know, all"Here Comes the Bride," all the big occasions.
Okay, listen.
Nobody believes more than safe sex than I.
But this is a wedding, not a porno shop.
Yes, but after Saturday Elena and Tracy can finally have sex.
- It's perfect.
- Did I just hear "Tracy" and "sex" in the same sentence? How about instead of the condoms, you do nothing.
I can't have carbohydrates.
Adios.
- Why do you do that? - Do what? You've been talking about sleeping with Tracy for a week now.
As ridiculous as it is, it'll never happen in a bazillion years.
But every time I see Tracy, hear the name Tracy, that's all I can think about.
Is that what you really want? - It could never happen? - Meghan, that's not the point.
You say things without thinking, and it's hurtful.
- You don't think I can get Tracy? - I'm not having this conversation.
- I so easily could.
- Okay, whatever.
You wanna bet? I don't wanna bet so you could break up a marriage.
I wouldn't break it up.
It would be one kiss.
The loser is the winner's servant for a day.
Let me make sure I get this right.
If you don't get the God-fearing Christian who won't even sleep with his own fiancee to kiss you, then you become my servant for an entire day.
Five-second kiss, full on the lips.
How you gonna prove it? Not that it would happen.
- Honor code.
- Honor code.
You're such a loser.
You're on.
You're a loser.
- Look at this.
- Ooh.
I did that? - Did you bring the stuff? - Yeah.
- It's getting worse.
- Then you're not giving it a chance.
Yes, I am.
It's not working.
None of these stupid remedies are working.
Okay, um - Well - God.
How did this happen? I mean, Noel, I love Ben.
What am I gonna do? Maybe I should just tell him.
I don't know if that's such a good idea.
I'm gonna try the cucumber juice.
And one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three.
Okay, that's good.
Okay.
And one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three Baby! One, two, three.
We have got to get that.
We've got to get it.
How about, uh, you and I doing a little - one, two, three up into the bedroom? - It's not enough room in there.
I'm talking about waltzing horizontally.
What? I thought the Lord didn't approve.
The Lord knows we're about to get married, and the Lord's psyched.
He said you had to be married.
And we've been getting married since we got engaged.
I don't understand this.
I'm offering myself to you.
Finally.
You're saying no.
What's going on? We've got to get ready for rehearsal.
So come on.
- Let's go.
- No, but I'm Come on.
I mean, I know these things happen.
People do this.
All the time this stuff happens.
It's not like this is the worst thing in the world.
Is it? I don't know.
What do you think? Well, yeah.
I mean, it's awful.
I feel like I'm lying to the person I love the most, and it's And I know what you're gonna say.
I shouldn't tell him.
But I don't know.
Wait a minute.
I didn't say that.
You did.
Last year.
After the nightmare at Theta Xi.
You said it's better to be kind than to be honest.
The situations are completely different.
You're saying I should tell Ben? - It depends.
- On what? There might be something in the drawer.
The what? This just happened, so I don't expect you to have any perspective on it yet.
But I think that there may be another level, a whole other element to the story that you're not looking at.
There's a drawer.
What's inside the drawer? I don't know.
It's your drawer.
- These chairs should go in the front.
- This is from my personal collection.
What's a wedding without "I Will Survive"? That is not playing at my wedding.
No disco.
Can I get this chair? Noel, you can bring yours up front.
Thanks.
Start things out with "Brick House.
" Nothing starts a party like the Commodores.
Am I right? What's with you, man? - You're like M.
I.
A.
- No.
No, nothing.
- You got the lady problems? - Richard.
It's the dry season.
Guys like me and you Do not have the same kind of problems.
What, did you get some? - You're holding out on me? - No.
No.
I - You got some.
- No, I didn't get some.
The N-man always scores.
I did not, and don't call me the N-man.
It's embarrassing.
Party people, we need some help configurating this aisle.
One second.
So, who is she? Is she hot? She sounds hot.
- You don't know her.
- So there is someone.
What's her name, man? Just give me the 4-1-1.
You're my hero.
I got nothing.
Okay, fine.
Her name is Sandy.
Oh, nice.
Where'd you meet her? Uh, she works at John's Pizza.
The one on Tenth.
Okay.
Right.
She hot? She sounds hot.
Sandy.
Okay, um, I know you're very busy saving the world, but Tracy's family is stuck in Buffalo.
I didn't know there were buffalo left.
- "Stuck" in Buffalo.
I thought he said "stalking buffalo.
" So, uh, Noel, you're gonna play Tracy's father.
You're gonna be his mama.
Hey, Javier, where do you want me? Okay, Mr.
Groom, um, you stand over there.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
What's the matter? - Nothing.
- Looks like you're about to cry.
Come here.
What's going on? I I'm just emotional, I guess, with Elena's wedding and And what? I just feel like everything's changing.
Like in a second, it could all disappear.
Yeah? Hey.
Everyone Everyone's wondering where the, uh, minister is.
Are you You all right? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- Can you give us a minute? No.
I'm fine.
Where's my clergy girl? Clergy girl! Does entry-level sales manager at an interactive porn site sound good? It sounds like Babe City.
Yeah.
If Iwere single, I'd take it in a second.
What would you rather get from a wedding? A CD of the couple's favorite songs - or a fortune cookie? - The CD.
CD's expensive.
The cookie.
- Can I borrow this? - Well, just Can I talk to you? Uh, yeah.
- What's going on with Felicity? - What do you mean? She hasn't said anything about us? No.
That she really missed you when you were gone, but, uh What about the other night? She didn't say anything? Uh, no.
No.
I mean, I, uh I only saw her for that minute with you, but No.
Okay.
He's got my computer.
Oh, yeah.
The light's really much better in here.
So, which one do you like? - This is about choosing ribbon? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's your wedding, and I don't want you to be disappointed.
I think they'll both fine.
You can go with either one.
Whichever one is cool.
I'm gonna go.
- I got to meet Elena.
- Oh, boy.
Whoof! This stuff really works.
It makes your lips tingly.
It's lip venom.
You should You wanna feel it? No.
No.
I'm cool.
Thank you.
Why not? Don't be scared.
Use it on your wedding night, drive Elena nuts.
Okay.
What the hell.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What are you doing? - It's the only way you can get the full effect.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't need to feel any effect.
Take your venom.
Here.
Right.
I want it to say, "Elena and Tracy, fortunate to be together.
" What? You don't get it? "Fortunate"? "Fortune.
" Come on.
It's No? I'll just come down there.
We'll talk about it in person.
You'll see.
Right.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Is Ben home? No.
I don't know where he is.
The minister pushed back our meeting for an hour.
- I can't meet him until 8:00.
- Leave him a note.
I got to deal with this fortune cookie maker with zero sense of humor.
You've reached Blumberg Productions.
Leave a message for Sean Blumberg.
Oh.
Noel and Ben live here, too.
Hey, Ben.
It's Janet.
I was just thinking about you.
I drove by our motel yesterday.
It made me sad you weren't still here.
I really miss you.
Anyway, that's why I'm calling.
My transfer was approved.
I'm starting at Columbia in two weeks.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You didn't see me the other night, except in the living room.
- That's our story.
- Our story? Yeah.
- Hey, is anybody home? - That's what I told Ben.
He was asking me what was going on with you.
I feel like I'm suffocating in these things.
- What do you know about Janet? - Who? She left a message for Ben.
Apparently, they spent a night together in a hotel.
Apparently, she misses him.
She's transferring here to Columbia.
- So you think Ben - That's what it sounds like.
I am furious, even though I have no right to be.
I can't talk about this stuff with you, Noel.
- This is ike flying a kite.
- Noel Don't.
Bad timing.
Do you even realize how complicated this is? If you wanna tell Ben what happened, do not worry about me.
I'll be fine.
Maybe I should just tell him.
Hey, dude.
I've been looking everywhere for you.
We got to play this song at the wedding.
What's up? It's my band.
Morse Code.
- You get it? My last name's Code.
- I get it.
You have a band? Yeah, man.
Totally.
I went by John's Pizzeria.
There's no Sandy working there.
- There never was a Sandy.
- Who's Sandy? - No one.
- Oh, my God.
What's up with your neck? - Nothing.
It's a rash.
- B.
S.
Rash.
- That's a hickie.
- Richard, just leave her alone.
Wait a minute.
Sandy.
She's Sandy.
- No.
This is not Sandy.
- I should've known it was you.
- What is he talking about? - Does Ben know about this? - Stop, Richard.
- Poor guy.
Actually poor you.
- He's gonna kick your ass.
- You are unbelievable.
Hey, missy.
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
Right? Get a life.
I don't know.
What I'm gonna say I think you're gonna hate me - Can I go first? - Do you mind? - No.
I was at the loft today.
I was leaving you a note.
And I overheard this message being left for you from this girl Janet.
- Wait.
Janet is this girl on my - I know.
You don't have to explain.
Well, I'm gonna explain.
She's just this girl.
I think I even told you about her.
Remember? She's the girl from Florida.
We were studying together.
I did tell you.
For our final exercise we all got motel rooms, and she was acting all funny and I cut her off.
I told her that I have a girlfriend that I love and that I'm not interested.
The motel was nothing.
It really was nothing.
Yeah, but this whole thing, this is not about Janet.
It's not.
Things have been weird long before you heard that message.
Right? Yeah, I know.
I think I know what it is.
I think we switched places in a way.
Freshman year, if somebody said three years from now that I'd have any direction, any direction, and that you'd be confused about what you were doing, I wouldn't believe 'em.
I just I have to say that I understand how it must make you feel.
You must feel alone, and that's what's making you withdraw from me.
- Ben.
- No.
Listen.
I've been busy with trying to figure out if I can even do this whole premed thing.
And for that, I'm a little bit to blame.
Is that what this is about? Yeah.
Well, what can I do to help? Nothing.
I'm just, uh What? I'm just kind of confused right now, I guess.
I'll do anything.
What can I do? You can't.
I mean, I'm just I think that maybe Maybe we need to just spend some time apart.
Wha Wait a minute.
You wanna break up with me over this? I'm sorry.
I just think I need to spend some time alone.
I'm sorry.
We do a slow song, a Depeche Mode cover.
Elena wants to stick with the original artist.
- Did you tell her we play live? - It didn't come up.
Must be killing you, hey, man.
Keeping this whole Felicity thing bottled up inside.
Don't you wanna run to the rooftop and scream it out? "I finally had Felicity and I feel great.
" I didn't have Felicity.
You're such a romantic.
You and Sandy.
This isn't a joke.
I know, man.
So noble.
- Richard - I wish she could see this side of you.
- Oh, hey, Ben.
- Hey.
- Do you want a beer? - No, thanks, man.
I'm gonna take off.
- How's it going? - Not so good.
- Broke up last night.
- Oh.
Sorry.
Want a beer? Uh Thanks.
Hey.
Did you try and kiss Tracy? You're not even gonna deny it? It was just a stupid bet.
What if I told you I wanted to sleep with Sean? Okay, first of all, you and Sean.
Second, I wasn't trying to sleep with Tracy.
I was trying to get him to kiss me.
Don't blame me for your obvious panic about getting married, which is totally justified.
Totally justified.
What does that mean? The only reason you're doing this is sex.
You are so wrong.
You have never been more wrong.
Oh, come on.
Do you think if you and Tracy were having sex, he'd be getting married? You're disinvited to the wedding.
Fine.
You owe me $148 for that hideous bridesmaid dress.
This whole time we talked about me and my problems.
- How are you on all this? - I'm You know, I'm fine.
Noel, did we just mess everything up? Are we gonna be friends again? - What are you talking about? - Everything is so weird.
Without taking anything away from what happened because it was great, um, I have no expectations.
And that's the last thing you need to be worrying about now.
Thank you, Noel.
I got to meet with Tracy's aunt and uncle.
Yeah.
You all right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Bye.
- I I I don't understand.
- What's to understand? These are the ribbons for the wedding favors.
OK.
Is this a joke to you? One of your best friends threw you out of her wedding.
- She doesn't wanna hear the truth.
- This is what I was talking about.
- What's that? - You don't think about other people.
Elena's getting married tomorrow.
I should've waited until after the wedding to tell her? I love you too much to keep letting you do this to yourself.
- What is this, an intervention? - Stop testing people.
Stop pushing them away to see how far you can go.
- If I'm testing people, they're all failing.
- That's just great.
Now that you've lost Elena, just keep it up.
Maybe you'll drive me away, too, and end up all alone.
- What's up? - I wanna have sex.
Okay.
Uh, hang on.
Hang on.
What's wrong? Do you think we'd be getting married if we had sex all the time? - Because Meghan doesn't think we would.
- Baby - Meghan's got piercings.
- I know.
I just I keep hearing her voice inside my head.
- You're hearing Meghan's voice while kissing me? - Is she right? If we weren't getting married, we couldn't be like this right now.
Baby, we've been through this.
I'm crazy about you.
We're getting married for the right reasons.
We love each other.
You're right.
What are you gonna say up there? I'm not really sure.
That's why I'm here.
Um, I just thought I might be able to get some of your thoughts on love.
You got to be more specific than that, honey.
Love may be a many splendored thing, but it's a big topic.
Yeah, you're right.
All right.
Um, well, how about the fact that you have been together so long? - What's your secret? - Forgiveness.
A bad memory.
People make mistakes.
A lot can happen in 50 years.
You do a lot of things you wish you hadn't.
But you get past it.
And that's what makes your relationship stronger.
That's the thing about the heart.
It gets stronger the more you use it.
That's good to hear.
You have no idea how good that is to hear.
So the aunt and uncle are right.
I don't know.
I hope so.
But you're not sure.
I'm not sure if Ben could ever forgive me, no.
And if he did, that would be the solution to all your problems? No.
Good.
Ten points for you.
Why not? Well, because I still feel bad about what I did.
That's it? You feel bad? No.
I feel terrible.
- Okay.
I get it.
- You get what? You don't wanna let go of the guilt.
You don't wanna see what's underneath.
I agree.
Guilt is much more sympathetic.
I'm not feeling guilty to get sympathy.
I did a horrible thing.
I deserve to feel guilty.
You're a frightened person.
I literally don't know what you're talking about.
You are frightened to look in the drawer.
The drawer.
Is that what this is about? You don't wanna look into it, fine.
You've got a problem.
It's not gonna go away by itself.
The guilt is only gonna hide it for so long.
Okay, fine.
Who do you think is in the drawer? So, it's a who? No.
You think it's Noel.
You chose him for a reason.
- Well, he's my best friend.
- You could have gone to any friend.
You could have gone to your boyfriend.
You slept with Noel.
You have been dancing around this for years.
You wanna be with Ben, but you also wanna be with Noel.
Am I wrong? - I'm sorry about you and Ben.
- Yeah, me, too.
- Are you sure you can do the ceremony? - Elena, of course.
It's your wedding.
If you can't, we can do it another day.
What are you talking about? I don't know.
I'm just I'm really nervous.
Hey.
What are you nervous about? I'm gonna say something that's gonna sound cheesy, but I mean it.
You have to follow your heart.
Hey.
Are you done? I wanna talk to the bride before the wedding.
Yeah.
She's all yours.
- Thank you.
- You look beautiful.
Um, I know you kicked me out of your wedding, but where else am I gonna wear this dress? - You look great, by the way.
- So do you.
I wanted to say I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have tried to kiss Tracy.
And I should not have said what I said.
It was wrong.
I was wrong.
What do I know about marriage anyway? All Sean and I do is break up.
Do you forgive me? Yeah.
Of course.
Thanks for coming.
And don't worry about you and Sean.
You guys are perfect for each other.
That's just the way you are.
You're the ones who should be getting married.
Oh, God! - Oh, God.
- It looks good.
- It does? - Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You okay? Hey, let's, um let's make a pact.
Let's just forget about it.
Let's pretend it never happened.
Noel, I don't wanna forget about it.
That's not what I want.
I Maybe I do.
I don't know what I want.
- Okay, two minutes, minister.
- Okay.
How am I gonna do this? All we need now is, um is, uh uh the groom.
- Um, I'll go look outside.
- Okay.
I don't have a fantastic feeling about this.
- You're gonna do great.
- Thanks.
Honey, everybody's waiting.
Are you sure this is something you wanna do? Tracy, we're about to get married in five minutes.
Well, we don't have to if you don't want to.
I thought about that talk we had yesterday.
Why are you doing this? Are you marrying me because you love me or because you don't wanna lose me? I'm not marrying you so I can have sex with you.
I love you.
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.
I just need to know if you feel the same way, so just tell the truth.
Please.
How do you feel? I hope I don't look like that at my wedding.
I'd like to say thank you for your patience.
Um I guess it's sort of obvious that there's not gonna be a wedding today.
Tracy and I decided that it's just not the right thing for us right now.
Elena.
Elena.
What happened? What happened? - Hey.
- What? What if What if you and I were each other's servants for life? Let's get married.
- Hey.
- Elena.
We would, uh Remember when I was in the room and you said that maybe it would be better if Sean and I got married? - Do you think we could? - Oh! Yes.
Of course.
My God.
Congratulations.
Hi.
I'm Felicity Porter, and I'd like to welcome you to the wedding of two very close friends.
When I was first asked to do this, I wasn't sure I could pull it off, so I ended up talking to a lot of people.
They all had different definitions of love what it is and how it works.
* At first I was afraid I was petrified * * Kept thinking I could never live without you by myself * * But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong * * And I grew strong and I learned how to get along * * And so you're back from outer space * * I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face * I should've changed that stupid lock I should've made you leave your key * * If I'd have known for just one second you'd be back to bother me * * Go on, now go * * Walk out the door * * Just turn around now * * 'Cause you're not welcome anymore * * Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with good-bye * * Did you think I'd crumble * * Did you think I'd lay down and die *