Insecure (2016) s04e02 Episode Script

1 BOTH: Self-care Sunday! Ever since I got my place in order, It's like my life followed through.
It's a whole new world.
0=I'm Jasmine! Well, come through, Princess Flex! This mixer's gonna be great, we just need to lock in these sponsors, and then you'll have everything you need - for the block party.
- Did these come from a client? Yeah, from the 'New Boo' account! I actually met him at Tiff's baby shower.
His name is Lawrence.
Andrew said that he was dating other people.
Should I trip or nah? Well, he's here with you, so what's the problem? My name is Issa Dee, and I'm organising the block party.
I love my neighborhood.
But it devastates me to see our community is changing without our input, and so I wanna change that.
MOLLY: It's weird that you're still working with Condola when she's dating Lawrence.
You know your life don't have to be this messy, right? ("HOP SCOTCH BY MICHAEL SNEED PLAYING) Skip, skip, skip class, fuck school, yeah Hop scotch, hop scotch, hop scotch, yeah Andrew: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So the baby's not even his? Nope, my brother's trying to sign himself up to raise another man's child.
I mean, what if the baby don't have no bones? Uh, well, at least they won't break any.
- Shut up.
- (PHONE RINGS) Oh, what now? God.
It's okay, you can take it.
Thanks.
Sorry, it's work.
(PHONE CLICKS) Yeah.
No, that's supposed to be Tuesday.
What? No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
Wow, really? Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Everything okay? Uh, it will be.
Uh-oh.
What happened? I just lost a big it's fine.
You sure? You wanna talk about it? I'd rather talk about that cake I'm gonna have later.
Oh, but wait.
I'm not sharing.
Are you sure? Oh, take the cake, take the cake! Take all of it! (MOANS) Before I make his mouth work I'ma make his pockets hurt, hurt Talking to the pussy, I ain't even hear a word Sex game cold, he gon' buy another fur Got me sitting on his face, I'ma need another turn So I was thinking the stage could be right over there and the food right over there.
And my interns, thanks to you, can check in vendors over there.
This is great.
This space is so great.
Right? It's way better than my dingy-ass courtyard.
You know somebody died there three years ago? So disgusting.
Oh, and I was thinking maybe the dance floor can happen, like, over there.
That's great.
I also will be steering very clear of that area.
I really can't dance.
Oh, my God, me either.
I mostly do this thing with my shoulder that looks like a seizure but don't call nobody.
(LAUGHTER) So, I think this is the spot.
I don't know why I'm clapping.
This is incredible.
Thanks to you.
This weekend, I'm taking you out for drinks.
Oh, that's sweet, I wish I could but I'm going out of town.
Oh, nice.
For work or for fun? Fun.
Ojai Valley.
Oh, that's romantic.
Oh, that's romantic.
Yep, got it.
I'm so sorry.
I don't want it to be awkward - whenever Lawrence's name comes up.
- Me neither.
It's really new.
Yeah, and we work so well together.
- I know.
- And I just want us to be cool 'cause I only have room for good energy.
I agree.
No bad energy.
- No weirdness.
- None.
I'm not about to let someone who puts mayonnaise on his French fries make things weird.
Oh, my God, he does do that.
I'm like, what, this ain't Amsterdam! Yeah, exactly.
Oh, my God, I'm so glad I got that out.
(LAUGHS) But mustard though.
- Bomb.
- The best.
- Like, a brown mustard.
- A brown mustard.
- A spicy mustard.
- A spicy Like a Dijon is super classy.
I'm gettin' high, caught a vibe And I'm killin' it I feel alive Okay, so, I'm thinking two per bag and don't forget a toothbrush.
So they can fashion it into a shiv and stab you with it? - (HISSES) - Now with broccoli extract.
Girl.
No.
(LAUGHS) Okay, this is gonna be tough.
I'ma need one of y'all to wipe me.
Happy Halloween.
Oh, Issa, my client said they can sell you the wine wholesale.
So start thinking of a thank you gift.
Oh, my God.
Thank you, Tiffany.
I got a warm case of water in my trunk.
You'll have to do better.
Okay, well, this is amazing, guys.
I don't have a headliner yet but I have a date.
- Hey! - ISSA: I have half my vendors and my swag bags are swaggy.
- I'm killin' it.
- Hey! - Okay, Issa.
- I'll get more of this.
Let me see one of them toothbrushes.
That's what the kids gonna do.
Girl, you've got hella work done with this block party.
Sorry, work's been keeping me all out the loop.
Oh, girl, I get it.
You busy.
- I miss you.
- I know.
But we'll catch up over dinner this weekend.
Oh, for sure.
And what's the latest on Asian bae by the way? Y'all still good? Asian bae with the samurai dick.
Uh, samurai are Japanese, racist.
Mm, prove it.
(SCOFFS) Whatever, I already heard this story.
- Y'all talk.
(GRUNTS) - (LEATHER SQUEAKING) Okay, I didn't think this through and, you know, the hair is fuckin' with my balance.
Wait, wait, what's happening? What story? Y'all fucked already? What that dick do? - Or do it don't do? - Oh, no, it do.
It definitely do.
But it's been almost a month and I'm just not feeling close to him.
It's weird.
It's all good sex and witty banter, but Hold up, hold up, hold up.
He dicks you down, makes you laugh, and he don't work at the airport? What's the problem? Because I don't hear it.
He's just not opening up.
And meanwhile, I'm telling him everything.
I even told him how I had to wear a helmet to bed till I was 11.
Are you sure you're not lookin' for somethin'? Don't pick up nothin' that don't serve you, girl.
I'm not.
I promise you, I'm not.
So it's just you talking the whole time? Basically.
And then we fuck.
And I'm not mad at that part but I just don't want it to turn into fuckin' is all we do.
I've been there before and I want more.
- Yeah.
- KELLI: I'm with Issa.
Who wants to sit around and listen to a grown man talking about his feelings.
You know what I want? I want me a mime with a big dick.
I'll be happy as hell.
I got to find a circus.
But if she has real feelings, then she needs to let those skeletons out the closet now.
Tiff might be right.
Andrew and I need to have some real-ass conversations.
- TIFF: Mm-hmm.
- I think I'ma have to slow it down.
Mm.
You gonna put that pussy on pause? (LAUGHS) Yes, I am.
Okay, girl.
Mute that monkey.
- (CHUCKLES) - (DOORBELL RINGS) The kids are here.
Derek! Derek, put on your cape! (TIFF STAMMERING) Kelli: Don't help her, she got to learn.
Uh-uh, she got to learn.
She gonna have to learn.
That's the first step of motherhood.
She's pregnant with a baby, I'm pregnant with ideas, but y'all ain't help me up.
Your ideas are trash, Kelli.
He say he want a bad bitch Come make it nasty, hella ratchet Issa: Oh, my god, oh.
It's uncomfortable but it's, like, good uncomfortable.
- CALVIN: Oh, yeah? - Oh.
Ooh, this is different.
- Uh-huh.
- Oh.
I've been so stressed, and you been working that shit out.
- Yeah, ain't I? - Oh, I'm about to come.
Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, my God.
- Uh-huh.
- Oh! Oh, shit.
Oh.
(HEAVY BREATHING) - You good? - Yes.
Calvin: Uh-huh.
I'm great at fuckin', ain't I? (LAUGHS) Okay, all right.
(HEAVY BREATHING) Do that, do that thing again.
Do what thing? Press my booty button.
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.
- Okay, there you go.
- Right there? Warming up.
You warm? You hot? - Hold it, hold it.
- What? Hold it, hold it.
Oh, yeah, oh, oh! Oh, okay, hold it.
Oh, shit! Oh.
- (HEAVY BREATHING) - CALVIN: Oh, shit.
- That was great.
- Yeah, that was (CHUCKLES) Wow.
(HEAVY BREATHING) - Uh-oh.
- What? The condom was on.
Now it ain't.
- What the fuck? - I don't know.
Where the fuck is it? You check that side? - ISSA: Check that side.
- Don't panic, don't panic.
Looking in the mirror like yeah, what's the meaning God damn, I'm a thot for no reason - CALVIN: Need any help? - No.
- CALVIN: You sure? - Yep.
(GROANS) I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.
Me too, girl.
We better than this.
Yeah, bitch! ("WIGGLE" BY BINKI PLAYING) Girl, why am I always on my knees Huh, middle of the day call.
Can't stop thinking about me, huh? Are you done? I just had a minute and wanted to see what you were doing on Friday.
Ooh, Summer Walker's gonna be at The Novo.
- We should go.
- No, I was hoping we could do something a little bit more low-key.
We can't really talk there.
We could.
We could be those people.
I hate those people.
Why don't you come over and we can just have a night in? Okay, I'll bring the wine.
Cool, now get back to work and stop sweatin' me, damn.
Oh, hey, Taurean, Malcolm wanted us to get familiar with the NewCo discovery.
You staying late? Uh, it's gonna have to wait.
I'm going out of town.
- Oh, where to? - Cabo.
Oh, my God, I was just there last year.
You should go to this place that had killer My hotel's all inclusive, thanks.
Oh, all-in-one.
That's what's up.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, it's like family friendly and what not.
Drinks, food.
Yeah, I get it.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Lawrence: Have you been watching Looking for Latoya? These white cops aren't even looking for her.
I know, right? - You think she's still alive? - Mm-mm.
I think that the boyfriend did it.
How you gonna be kinda together for five years? Yeah, never trust a dude with two dead teeth.
Hey, excuse me, can I get some mayo? - (CHUCKLES) - What? You still laughing about Looking for Latoya? No, I just Issa and I were literally just laughing about this the other day.
Your whole mayo with fries thing.
Oh.
Wait, what? Y'all were talkin' about me? (CHUCKLES) So, so, so, so, so what else did y'all say? Nothing.
I mean, we talked about you but it wasn't anything bad.
Like, I didn't know that you ran track in college.
Yeah, for like, a year.
So how did that come up? Is this uncomfortable? - I made this uncomfortable.
- Uncomfortable.
What, no.
I'm good, I'm just killing this branzino, bro.
It's just, mmm.
Well, I promise that we weren't really talking about you like that.
It's just that things have been weird between Issa and me and joking about it somehow made it better.
Oh, for sure, for sure, for sure.
Are you okay? Hell the fuck no I'm not okay.
I don't like this.
Condola talking to old girl about you.
They gonna start a podcast about your dick.
The fuck outta here, man.
Shut it down.
You didn't get the cauliflower crust? - Mm-mm.
- Come on, man.
I don't know, I would just let it slide.
If you make a big deal out of it, it'll just get worse.
They'll end up bonding over you being all sensitive.
That's a smart nigga.
I used to be that fast.
Then I got swole.
You startin' to look like a box.
Thanks, bro.
All right, Derek, so would you be cool with this shit? - Fuck no.
- Exactly.
But this shit wouldn't happen to me because I keep my shit tight.
Every time I break up with a girl, I move.
I miss Dallas.
'Rence, 'Rence, 'Rence.
I tried to tell you.
Tell me what, nigga? About peeing in the pool you swim in.
If you gonna pick up a chick at a baby shower, make sure she's a caterer.
Grab your ass a canape, the digits, and dip.
All right, well, what if I just texted Issa and ask her to chill? Eh, might come across kind of harsh in a text.
All right, how about a bitmoji of me saying keep my name out your mouth? Nah, you don't wanna start texting.
Old girl take your shit out of context and send you some titties.
All of a sudden, you got a paper trail.
It'll blow up your whole shit with Condola.
Condola come to me because she all sad.
I got to put it on her.
Now Leah mad.
Man, shut the fuck up.
All right, so I can't seem sensitive to Condola, and I can't seem petty to Issa.
Fuck am I supposed to do? Whatever you do, I think you got to be up front about it.
- Look at all this gluten.
- It's oil.
- It's gluten.
- Just eat it.
I'm not paying for it.
You really do look like a box.
That's why I'm carb loading.
I carb load during the daytime, and then I go for a run at night.
Then I can carb load again in the daytime.
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING) Condola: I listened to that playlist you sent and ScHoolboy Q is gonna be an amazing headliner.
Now I can't wait for the concert tomorrow.
Me neither.
And I'm gonna try to get there early tomorrow so I can talk to his people.
And I'ma wear my business Chucks.
(LAUGHS) Your business Chucks.
I have to.
They always make an impression.
Condola: I'm sure they do.
(CHUCKLES) If ScHoolboy Q says yes, he gonna be my ScHoolboy Boo.
(LAUGHTER) Hey! (LAUGHTER) - What's happening? - That was great.
- Is this some kind of work date? - Oh, we're just finished.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I'm gonna run now.
I need to get something to eat.
I'm starving.
Oh, yeah.
Is this your purse? - Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
Girl, why don't you just stay here and eat with us? Have you had the salmon droptop? It makes me want to drop my top.
But I won't.
I don't wanna impose on your plans.
Impose on what? We just gonna be talking the same old shit.
Just add your shit to our shit.
You sure? Oh, yeah.
Cool, fun.
(CHUCKLES) - Yay, fun.
- Okay.
Thank you, um, I'm just gonna run to the restroom.
- I'll be right back.
- Cool.
- Perfect.
- Hey, I thought it was just gonna be the two of us.
Oh, well, she said she was hungry and I didn't wanna be rude.
Yeah, but I really wanted to talk to you and I don't know Condola like that.
Well, this is the perfect opportunity to get to know her.
Look at God.
You want me to tell her to leave? No, no, of course not.
It's, it's cool.
Then how about we talk at our next Self Care Sunday? Ooh, we could get ice cream after our hike.
That totally undoes the hike.
- But yes.
- (LAUGHTER) Have you seen the dessert menu? Yay, beignets.
Are you a mind-reader? I was literally talking about dessert.
- Yes, beignets.
- I'm excited.
Ooh, Nutella.
That's Italian.
(CHUCKLES) Choco-waffle, though.
- Can I - Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure.
Oh, I know what I'm getting.
Oh, thank you.
("WASTE MY TIME" BY ZAIA PLAYING) Now what you say What it look like, what the chips buy Hundred new things, do it feel right Tripping, need to focus deeper on your inside Fall for anything that you don't stand by Trust, I don't got to lie, it ain't in the cards So if you can't get me higher I'ma go and I'ma find a new supplier Got me dipping through the streets trying to find her Love locked down, yeah I need no reminder Come around just to bring me down Why you tripping now, calm it down Need to pop a pill, sip on something now Get it down, need to take a chill Tensing up whenever I'm around Tensing up whenever I come out Hey.
Hey, nice place.
Thanks, it's pretty chill.
How you doin'? Little Benjamin: Hey, y'all wanna buy some chocolate? It's for the homeless.
- Is it? - Uh-uh.
Got it.
Y'all taking too long.
I'm finna go find a rabbit.
- Y'all got a rabbit? - I guess so.
- Blame his mama.
- (CHUCKLING) So what's up? Look, I know that you and Condola are friends and honestly, y'all should do y'alls thing or whatever.
But maybe I don't have to come up in you guys' conversation.
Oh.
Right, we, we I mean, we talked about you, but we didn't like, talk about you, I promise.
We just kind of needed to call it out to let it go.
Yeah, cool, cool.
'Cause, you know, I just want her to get to know me through me and I like her and, you know, I want it to work out.
Yeah, she's great.
I love Condola.
Condola, Condola! - Condola! - Yeah? Okay, I'm finished.
Well thank you.
Sure.
So I shouldn't tell her that Lawrence is actually your middle name? Yeah, nobody needs to know about Martin.
Whassup? (LAUGHS) Sky mind Watch your thoughts coming down Like clouds that I can see through, yeah MOLLY: It's open.
(DOOR OPENS) And she cooks? Oh, shit.
Listen, my gumbo is bomb.
I throw down.
Or throw out, 'cause low-key, this is the third roux I've made.
Why you got to stir it so much? - What you doing? - Throwing down.
Yeah, well, that's not on the menu.
Oh, so it's not gumbo and chill.
Yeah, I was thinking more like chill and chill.
You know, like we eat, we go sit down and just talk.
Oh, that's real chill.
- You're in charge.
- I know.
- You want a taste? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Let me taste it.
- The gumbo.
- That's - Okay, relax.
- What I was talking about.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Mm-hmm, mm-mm.
There's too much salt.
I'm black, I got about eight uncles that have hypertension.
I know when something has too much salt in it, okay? Okay.
I ain't makin' another roux.
We just gonna have to die.
What you don't see is the full-on meltdown that happened when we were about to leave.
- Disney's a hell of a drive.
- (CHUCKLES) - Hey, which one's Curtis? - On the left.
The one clutching a churro like it's his job.
(LAUGHTER) Oh, you guys grew up in Gardena.
So I'm sure y'all were always at Disneyland.
Eh, no, we never went.
Me and my brother always wanted to go, but my sister wasn't really good with crowds.
- Really? Why? - Just 'cause.
- Well, where is she now? - We're not really sure.
You don't know where your sister lives.
I don't really want to get into it.
(SCOFFS) Hey, listen, it's okay.
- You can tell me.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, we can still make it to the show if you wanna go.
Okay, well, you can go if that's where you'd rather be.
Wait, wait, wait, what did I miss? (SCOFFS) Honestly, I'm just just a little frustrated.
Um, I feel like you're you don't wanna talk to me about your work stuff or your family.
I-I just feel like you don't really wanna let me in.
Based on this one conversation? I just feel like it's just all jokes and shit talking with us.
Okay, is this because we haven't put a label on this or anything? No, it's because I want to date a guy who doesn't avoid being real.
Like, I wanna date a guy with depth.
Wow.
Everything is an issue with you.
I'm gonna catch the show.
("LIL MAMA" BY LO VILLAGE PLAYING) Bounce with me I see you, little mama, yeah, yeah I hope it's not a problem, yeah, yeah The way you move that ass, I had to push up right on it I see you, little mama, yeah, yeah I hope it's not a problem, yeah, yeah The way you move that ass, I had to push up right on it (MUSIC CONTINUES, MUFFLED) (SIGHS) (PHONE CLICKING) We have put as many resources as we can towards finding Toyota.
We put her photo all around the city.
Mm-mm, that's a car.
Mm-mm.
- (PHONE BUZZES) - (TV CONTINUES, INDISTINCT) (PHONE CLICKS) - Hey.
- Hey, you got a minute? - LAWRENCE: Yeah, what's up? - Just real quick, I'm about to see Condola soon, and just so I don't fuck up again, does she know we met up? And should I say something or nah? Nah.
I don't think so.
It's not that deep.
Yeah, that's what I thought too.
Cool.
So how are you? - We can just hang up.
- Yeah, me too, bye.
Reporter (ON TV): It's been almost two months and the cops still have no leads.
They never find us.
(SIGHS) (LIGHT R&B MUSIC PLAYING) I'm drunk off water when I'm up in the ocean Relax my mind, it be a lot of commotion I ain't got the whip but can you picture me rollin' For now I'm just catching the bus You niggas got money still ain't fuckin' with us Hell yeah, I still got it Did it without a label, yeah, I run my life Fat white man wanna cut of my check Dad with the 9, put the gun to his neck Man, I love my dad (PHONE CLICKS) (R&B MUSIC CONTINUES) Taurean, where are we on the FoodTime case? Our biggest hurdle is classifying whether drivers for FoodTime are actual employees or whether or not they're independent contractors.
Cynthia: What about looking at the contractual relationship with its drivers? Meaning did they have the right to control the manner in which the meals are delivered.
Well, gig economy is tricky.
At first, I thought because our plaintiff's only job was delivering for FoodTime, and because he was paid hourly rather than per delivery that it could present a problem.
But then, I realized that the Sampson decision provides precedent in our favor.
Molly, did you have something to add? No, no, no, no, no.
I, I agree with Taurean.
No, I just thought I saw a window washer.
That is a dangerous job.
Okay, great, moving on to the Marshall case.
What's the latest? (KNOCKING) - You busy? - Oh, no, of course not.
Come in.
Oh.
We closing doors now.
So I mentioned the Sampson decision in the meeting and I saw that they were an MJ&S client.
Are you familiar with them? Yeah, they were there when I was there.
So why didn't you say anything? There was nothing to say.
You know, I've pulled employee data instead of going through the court docket which could save you some time, but you know, there's no wrong way.
It's up to you.
So you were just gonna let me waste my time? No, I didn't want to be negative.
Molly, agreeing with me, complimenting me, trying to be my travel agent.
I don't need you to do all those things.
If you've got something to say, just say it.
Okay.
Look, I'm not proud of the way I handled the Metra case with you.
I wasn't being a team player and I apologize.
I'd like for us to get along, but I know it'll probably take some time.
All right.
So you don't wanna close my door? Time's up, got my coins up, my bars up Soon we find 'em, we gon' slide 'em, we lined 'em ISSA: Hell yeah, I've heard of boneless babies.
That shit is real.
Molly: Girl, that's what I've been sayin'.
I'ma call Jerome tonight.
- Oh, hey, listen.
- (SCHOOLBOY Q PLAYING ON HEADPHONES) You hear that? Is she okay? What's wrong with her? - She's fine.
- That's my headliner.
See, the universe knows what's up, man.
So wait, you found somebody? That's awesome.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
You should take me out to celebrate.
Andrew can come too, but he got to pay.
(CHUCKLES) Eh, maybe.
Oh, 'cause the pussy still on pause? - I peep the discipline.
- Girl, not really.
He came over the other night, I tried to get him to open up, but pfft! That went all the way left.
He just walked out, so I don't know.
Damn, girl.
- What? - No, nothing.
- Say it.
- Nothing! It seems like you always findin' a problem.
Sometimes, I'm like, do you wanna be happy? I'm sorry, I just Aren't you tired? Because I'm tired for you.
(MUTTERING): I told you I wasn't gonna say nothing.
But here you go, making me say something.
(PHONE RINGING) Hold on one second.
Um I got to take this.
I'll catch up.
(PHONE CLICKS) - Hello? - ANDREW: Hey.
You got a second? Uh, yeah, I'm hiking.
What's up? I'm sorry about the other night.
Me too, you know, and if I was pressing too hard, - or just doing too much - Oh, no, no, you weren't.
That night, I was thinking I don't want to bore you with it but honestly it's just hard for me to let someone in like that.
But you called me on it, and it just might take some time.
I got time.
Cool.
- ISSA: Get away! - Um Stop! Yeah, I got to get back to Issa.
She's in a fight with a gnat right now.
Cool? - Girl, did you see that? - Yeah, I saw.
(ISSA SCOFFS) Who was that? Uh, just, just some work shit.
You stay working.
Good call on this place for Self Care Sunday.
- Love this view.
- Me too.
Oh, bitch, I had to end it with TSA bae.
- Yeah? - Yeah, girl.
Plan B was becoming my Plan A, and you know what did not serve me? Fucking a nigga with two kids and a third one on the way.
But I'm proud of me low-key 'cause it was hard to let him go to be honest 'cause that dick was thick, okay? Thick.
("FAR ROCKAWAY" BY KAMAUU PLAYING) I go my own way You go your own way I hope we can make a way These kind of things fade away I got my own way You got your own way They seem to be far away Further than Rockaway Wasn't even fighting on the day today Wasn't even tired so to take a break Wasn't on the menu but was on the plate I hate it and I hate it I ain't like the taste Nasty, all gained momentum by the last wave People coming back to harass me You good lover, you good lover, you love Like we already done, uh-huh They say why do fools Always chase the person who Makes them black and blue Break my heart Don't cut me loose, loose When all All of the colors start to change Oh And fall And suddenly it's not the same, whoa How many of these do you usually use? About 12.
Do you think you need that many? 'Cause I avoca-don't.
(STIFLED LAUGHTER) You need to upgrade your shit.
She doesn't care about that.
That girl got you on the path and everything.
It's just a Friendsgiving.
Calm down.
Everybody knows not to miss a Condola joint.
She's party Spike Lee.
(LAUGHING) We eating! Yeah.
The wait is an hour though? You still going to Molly's? Yeah, I'll just text her I'm going to be late.
What's your new man look like? - Ma.
- Is he Korean? Whatcha all doing? Checking out Molly's new guy.
Let me see him! Is he crazy and rich? Oh, shit!