Mad Men s04e02 Episode Script
Christmas Comes But Once a Year
-I'm worried that's gonna hit the ceiling.
-We always get a tall one.
Not taller than the living room.
Let's go back to the other one and stand next to it.
Hey, Sally.
Sally.
Hello.
It's Glen.
I know that.
Well, you all just walked right by me when you came in.
Sorry.
What are you doing back here? My mom got married and now I'm supposed to live with him.
I saw your new dad.
My mom said that would happen.
After they're married a while, they'll have a baby.
You should probably ask for something big now.
Hi.
Are you getting a tree? No, I'm working.
What do you do? I bring twine over.
I get to cut it.
Wow.
Yeah, I made it.
Those are good colors.
We're leaving as soon as I find you.
Bye, Glen.
Maybe I'll call you.
-Good time, bad time? -Yes.
You've got a résumé from the girl you met at the Ziegfeld Theater.
File it.
AI Weaver at Johnson Wax requested another print of Glo-Coat.
And you got this very important piece of mail.
Open it.
"Dear Daddy, Bobby thinks this is going to the North Pole, "but we should keep up the roos.
" R-double-O-S.
Too much television.
"Bobby says that he knows he doesn't deserve a Heathkit radio "because of what happened with leaving the freezer open in the garage, "but maybe Santa could choose from a bicycle, a better pellet gun, "a clock radio, a transistor radio, a drum set and a bicycle.
" I left that freezer open.
"Baby Gene wants a fireman.
I don't know what that means.
" it's adorable.
"And I would like the gold necklace "that you can put your initials on that we saw at Macy's.
"And most of all, I'd like you to be here on Christmas morning to give it to me, "but I know you can't be.
" I'm sorry.
So, a drum set, a fire truck, the necklace is $30 and it's SBD, Sally Beth Draper.
And, get her some Beatles 45s and him a transistor radio, too.
The girls went to Joan and I don't want to undermine her, but are we allowed to bring a friend to the Christmas party? Lane scaled it back to a glass of gin and a box of Velveeta.
We're tightening our belts.
But you will be getting a bonus, even if I have to see to it myself.
Well, thank you.
I didn't want to have to write a letter to Santa.
-Do you want this? -Sure.
Send him in.
Ready Freddy.
-it's been too long.
-No, just long enough.
You look good.
Have a seat.
Jeez.
It looks like an Italian hospital in here.
I know, I know.
Jane got a decorator.
I feel like with my hair, you can't even see me in here.
-Something brown? -Maybe later, What time is it? Look at that.
So, I thought it'd be best if I broached this opportunity in person.
Well, don't be fooled by the setup here.
It's Potemkinville.
Well, maybe I can help.
I walked out of JWT with a present under my arm.
Pond's Cold Cream.
It's $2 million, but they'll never even notice it's gone.
How the hell did you do that? Suffice it to say the client and I are in a fraternity together.
I can't handle the account myself, but I'm clean and sober now.
Sixteen months without a drop.
So when you said, "Maybe later"â'___ What am I gonna say? Look, if it doesn't work out, you can keep the account.
What am I gonna say? Yes.
There is one little caveat.
Name it.
I feel like I'm getting sucked into that thing.
I don't want Pete Campbell near this.
I was surprised you took him along.
No comment.
Sugarberry has been selling hams for 30 years at a fairly steady rate while doing everything they could to create sales, and then we do this in a month.
We have to give them time to reconcile that.
Freddy! Ballerina.
I feel like the Tin Man.
-Good to see you.
-Yeah.
How are you, Freddy? Couldn't be better.
I was just talking about you.
Freddy here just ran in from the yard with a $2-million account in his mouth.
Pond's Cold Cream.
Well, that explains why you look so good.
A little early for that, isn't it, Don? Very funny.
The pedigree of this account is that it was boosted and I'll need to maintain my personal contact to it creatively, if that's all right with you, Don.
If you don't mind working with this old thing over here.
I was counting on it.
None for me.
When can you bring them in? I'll be handling this one, Pete.
Well, Freddy, I hate to bring this up, but I do believe it's on everyone's mind.
We all want to know if you can be Santa at the Christmas party.
It's the role I was born to play.
Francis residence.
Can Sally come to the phone? Who may I say is calling? Stanley.
I have a question about homework.
Sally, there's a young man on the phone, Stanley.
Hello? It's Glen.
Hi.
Don't you wanna know why I said my name is Stanley? I guess.
Because this is private.
Where are you? Where do you think? I'm down the street at my mom's.
How come you didn't move? I don't know.
But I hate it here.
I really, really do.
Why? I won't tell anybody.
Every time I go around a corner, I keep thinking I'll see my dad.
Sorry.
They're not gonna get back together, you know.
Glen? Especially now that she's doing it with somebody else.
Doing what? Glen! Well, don't worry.
One day, they'll wake up and they'll want to move.
You'll see.
I gotta go.
Bye.
Goodbye.
Who's Stanley? A boy.
We will soon be charging clients for this service and Dr.
Atherton will in turn be charging us.
Significantly less.
Bert and I have been meaning to work together for years.
Out in the open at least.
Very good, then.
Shall we dim the lights? No, beginning the presentation with the film is a mistake.
Audiences will listen to anything in anticipation.
See what I was talking about? Simply said, we believe that at the motivational research group, we have brought the science of consumer evaluation to a point of precision like that of a surgeon's scalpel.
No doubt, with the help of minds like Dr.
Faye Miller, with whose work you are already unknowingly familiar.
Faye helped develop the indelible image that has become the standard of feminine hygiene advertising, the carefree gal in white pants.
It's right up there with the polio vaccine.
Beyond demographic information, salary, age, marital situation, we've tried to find a way to select prospects who can really provide insight.
This test is our beginning.
Take a minute, fill it out and please, take a cookie.
What's it mean if we don't? That you're a psychopath.
The point of this exercise is to familiarize you with our methods.
The point of the cookies is that everyone should be rewarded for their time.
These questions have been designed to get at what subjects really want instead of what they say they do.
What are the real feelings that exist below the surface? For example, "How would you describe your father?" No matter what the answer, it creates a level of intimacy for the next question, "Who makes decisions in your household?" There's some pencils if you need them.
I apologize.
I have an appointment.
That is yours to keep.
Is that work? No, it's me.
It's kind of silly.
Tell me when they pull the curtains so I can get out of here.
-Do you want ice? -Yes.
What are you doing? Saint Vincent's junior staff Christmas party.
At 8:00 in the morning? Well, the shift just ended and we have to do it soon because Christmas and New Year's, we're overrun with suicides.
Well Phoebe.
And you're Don.
I know.
I hope we haven't met.
Well, I'm right across the hall.
We wave to each other.
You met my friend Sarah.
She fell on the stairs.
Maybe you weren't in uniform.
Don't pretend that you've never noticed me.
You always grunt when you put your Keys in the door.
It's not good, which is why I am inviting you to my party.
I really appreciate the invitation, Phoebe, but I'm late for work.
So you should thank me for waking you.
Tallulah Bankhead, she's glamorous.
She seems more uncompromising than a movie star, you know, because she's on Broadway.
She never got off Broadway because she's not beautiful enough.
Shame on you.
Come on.
A little backstage at the makeup mirror with Pond's, a big bouquet of roses, opening night.
"The choice of professionals.
" It's good, right? All of their research says that they're trying to get young women.
Well, young women look up to older women.
For beauty tips? Are you joking? I know the client.
This thing is rigged.
That's what he wants.
It's not just about the client.
People are looking at everything we do here.
Have you seen our work? It's very different than this.
Frederick van Rumsen! Von.
Boy, oh, boy, were you missed at lunch.
Cal Rutledge from Pond's.
What a cut-up.
-What do you mean? -I mean I gotta go lay down.
I can't believe that's his job.
Hello.
Could you tell him Mr.
Rumsen's on the phone? -Interrupt him.
-What's wrong? Calvin, do you have anything to tell me? Did you just have lunch with Roger Sterling? So you have nothing to say? Hey, hey, don't do that.
it's okay.
Pull yourself together.
First Baptist Church, 79th and Broadway.
I gotta go.
Is everything okay? What, you can't put two and two together? Listen, cutie, wrap your head around finding the right famous face or my other thing about the T-zone.
I want 10 tags apiece, then I narrow it down and then we go to Don.
Are you serious? I'll do them, too.
Don't worry, I'm sure yours will be better because you're girlier.
Lee Garner Jr Put him through.
Caroline, did he say what it was about? Well, hello, Lee.
How's Palm Beach? Beautiful.
Heading back there in a couple of days.
Back? Where the hell are you? In town doing a little Christmas shopping.
Yeah, I'd love to see you now that I Know you're in town.
Caroline! -How about dinner tomorrow? -Christmas party.
How about lunch? We're having a Christmas party.
Why am I getting my invitation so late? Because I thought you were out of town.
Madison Avenue office Christmas party? I've seen the movies.
You find me.
-Okay.
3200? -No.
4:00.
I'm looking forward to it.
You won't be disappointed.
I just got off the phone with Lee Garner Jr.
He's going to stop by.
We're gonna have to have a Christmas party, a real one.
-How did that happen? -It happened.
In fact, he was offended that we hadn't invited him already.
Uninvite him.
Take him to the Four Seasons.
He can have three entrees.
This man doesn't care about food.
I know that you've lived your life from a bottomless pocket, but there's a very real system of money coming in versus money going out.
Overtime, supplies being used carelessly, leaving the lights on, parties, it adds up.
Listen, Olivier, aren't you the one who's always talking about how Lucky Strike is 99% of our business or something? We have Pond's and I hate the way you say "percent," you know that? What about our other clients? We have no other clients.
If Lee Garner Jr.
wants three wise men flown in from Jerusalem, he gets it.
Caroline! Get Jeanie in here.
You want something? I brought it from home.
Yes? There's been a small adjustment to the scale of our Christmas party.
Lower or higher? Lee Garner Jr.
will be joining us.
I trust you'll make the appropriate improvements.
Well, I don't.
We need to change its rating from convalescent home to Roman orgy.
Maalox.
I want a bartender and a tree.
Screw him.
I love Christmas.
You love Christmas parties.
We're going to need more employees, so I'm going to allow everyone escorts, even the girls.
New York food, deli and Chinese, and some kind of gift for Mr.
Garner.
You're off-limits.
I don't think he's the one who needs to be reminded.
Come on.
He was all over you the time you wore that red dress, the one with the bow in the back that makes you look like a present.
You have an incredible memory.
Yeah, I think about it a lot.
That dress, I mean.
-Could you wear it? -Stop it.
I didn't mean it that way.
All I was saying was this is the office and that's life.
And this is good and that's life.
What a nice surprise.
Sheila at the Station baked Them.
Sheila.
Who's Sheila? She's 60 years old.
You see how shaky the icing is? Hey, knock it off.
-Why? ls Rasputin home? -She'll hear you.
I want to lie down.
I'm tired.
-My bed is covered with work.
-That's kind of symbolic.
How is my face? Fresh, dewy, well cared for? Let me get a better look.
You taste like soap.
I'm in the middle of a seven-day beauty plan.
Can't we just get undressed and lie together again? That was a bad idea.
How long is this gonna go on? I'm sorry you feel you've put in the time.
-We're not doing anything.
-We're doing some things.
We're not doing anything I can't do myself.
Mark, I told you I want you.
In fact, I want you so much, I wanna wait.
And I told you there's nothing to be afraid of.
I want to be your first.
You're so old-fashioned.
No, I'm not.
In Sweden, they make love the minute they feel attracted.
And it's healthier, because you can find, you know, the perfect person.
Because making love is a very important part of a life with someone.
The most important in Sweden, anyway.
Where did you hear that? I read this article, "The Swedish Way of Love.
" It's very enlightened.
You're never going to get me to do anything Swedish people do.
All you have to do is take a couple of steps that way.
I brought you cookies.
I think you should go home.
And I want you to think about that.
Sorry.
Everybody leaves the moment you have to clean up.
I might have a vacuum.
-Where the hell are you coming from? -Work.
Where do you work? The White Horse tavern? Did you have a party or something? -I hate parties.
-And you hate Christmas.
I got it.
I don't hate Christmas.
I hate this Christmas.
Of course you have heat.
Can I get you something? Come on.
You're going to bed.
Look where we are.
-You're good with that.
-My father was a drunk.
If you don't behave yourself, I'm not gonna take your shoes off and you're gonna wake up with sores on your heels.
How can you stand going to a hospital every day? I love working at the hospital.
People coming into the world, people leaving it.
Everything happens there.
Good night, Don.
Good night! Against the wall, please.
Megan.
The bar looks good.
I need you to get the chafing dishes and the Sternos.
Then call Peking House and move the delivery from 4:00 to 3:30.
-They're always late.
-Yes, Joan.
That one.
On the shortlist I've got Tallulah, Jessica Tandy, Barbara Stanwyck and Doris Day, different types.
I don't even understand your list.
What's wrong with Elizabeth Taylor? Isn't it about making old ladies look good? Nothing makes old ladies look good.
But Pond's does.
That's the point.
If young girls started using it, maybe they'd End a husband and they wouldn't be so angry.
All I was trying to say is that I've used the stuff and I think there's something about the experience of putting it on and looking in the mirror.
If we were to go another way, that's not a bad idea.
Indulging yourself, right? No, if you use Pond's, you'll get married.
That's not what I was saying.
Or we could go the other way.
If you don't use it, then you'll never get married.
Which is better? You know what? Just write them down.
No, I'm not writing that down.
I'm sorry if I hit a nerve there, precious.
You know, Freddy, I have brought your name up 100 times in the last year to come in and freelance, for me, but everybody is right about you.
You and your grand dames, and your portable typewriter and your desperate spinsters.
You're old-fashioned.
You know that? -Miss Olson? -Yes? Everyone is leaving to get dressed for the party.
-Do you need me right now? -No, you can go.
I'm sorry, Freddy.
Don't worry about it.
Is Violet coming? She wouldn't miss it.
Thank you, dear.
You know Peter.
He'd rather spend every waking second right here in the city.
Who'd want to miss Christmas in New York? Fifth Avenue Chestnuts roasting on a greasy man's open street cart.
My goodness.
We're going to the Bahamas and there's nothing else to it.
Harry spent so much time in Los Angeles, I figured I'd treat him to the mountains.
Stowe.
What about you, Don? Do you have any plans? Yes, heading to Acapulco.
Are you taking anyone special? No.
Well, it's your own fault.
Yes, I pity him, marooned in that sea of bikinis.
Merry Christmas.
-Nice to see you again.
-You as well, sir.
-Don.
-Don.
We're going to get something to drink.
Where the hell is he? They are children, and they can't accept the fact that others have to make decisions for them.
So, we are not part of this herd you're talking about.
You're from Great Britain.
I'd think you'd be familiar with the perils of socialism.
Civil rights is the beginning of a slippery slope.
If they pass Medicare, they won't stop until they ban personal property.
Storm our houses and rape our wives.
Man your battle stations! Nice dress.
Where's Mr.
Holloway? Saving lives.
Everyone, ladies, come on, let's go.
Don't forget it's a party.
Please, please.
I walked in here five minutes ago, no one did anything.
Merry Christmas, Lee.
That's quite a tan.
I work at it.
When can we expect something for Lucky Strike as good as "Let me out of here!" Well, Glo-Coat told me to swing for the fences.
Well, I didn't know I had to ask, Donny.
We have gifts, girls and games, but first I'm gonna get you some food.
Well, that's a good idea, Red.
I've been drinking all day.
Don't turn on the lights, shithead.
Come on.
If you hear anything, run.
Don't worry about me.
Megan, can you get Mr.
Garner a drink? Where's Santa? He didn't show, but he did leave some presents.
Well, I could've sworn I conga'd by a suit.
-You want to be Santa? -Hell, no.
How about you, Roger? I would, but I'm allergic to velvet.
Come on.
You'll do great.
-Are you serious? -Damn straight.
I don't think so.
I'll do it.
-I'd love to be Santa.
-Yes.
Come on.
It'd take three of you to fill that suit.
Besides, everybody knows Santa's got white hair.
Put it on, Roger.
Come on, Lee.
Put it on.
He's a hell of a sport.
Everybody just stay there.
Call the police.
-ls somebody in the house? -Maybe it's a bear.
Hello? I'm guessing it's kids.
Let me look around the house.
-Hello? -Just stay here.
Where's your lovely wife, Lane? She and my son are in London.
I shall be joining them soon enough.
Mine's in Florida.
I guess we'll suffer through, eh, Jeeves? Merry Christmas! It's hard to tell if he's Father Christmas or Father Time.
Merry Christmas! That's a big bag, Roger.
Don't want you to have a third heart attack.
Right, honey? What have we here? What do all the good boys and girls want for Christmas? Lucky Strike! -Thank you.
-You're welcome.
Don't smoke those all at once.
And I have a very special present for a little boy who knows he's been naughty.
Lee.
You didn't need to do that.
Yes, we did.
-Look at that.
-it's a Polaroid.
Thank you.
It reminds me of when I was a kid.
Remember that? You'd ask for something, you'd get it and it made you happy.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
Merry Christmas, Don.
There's eggs in my bed! You can sleep in our room if you want.
My room's fine.
Anybody home? Not for much longer.
I can't leave until Geoff and Bert Cooper figure out how to take food from children.
Well, if anyone can do it How many Christmas parties do you have to go to? I pity you.
Please, sit down.
No, I just want to make sure there were no problems.
You really are a full-service company.
It's just you didn't take the test and I know you're the creative shaman around here, but you walked out of my presentation.
I'm disappointed.
I thought you came in to flirt, but you came in to tight.
You have to know I found out all I could about you.
Your work is very interesting and I guess I was hoping you thought mine was.
It's not personal.
I just don't think you can learn much about people that way.
I learned a lot about you.
You're the kind of man who doesn't want to take the test.
I'm sorry.
I just don't see how knowing about my childhood is gonna help sell floor wax.
I saw that ad.
It's all about somebody's childhood.
Look, we're both in the same business and I'm not embarrassed to say it's about helping people somehow to sort out their deepest conflict.
And what is that? In a nutshell, it all comes down to "What I want versus what's expected of me.
" That's true.
I know it's true, and you would've known it's true if you'd stayed for my presentation.
Want to get some dinner or something? No, thank you.
But apology accepted.
Look, I know the holidays are hard in your situation, but don't worry.
You'll be married again in a year.
What? I'm sorry.
I always forget.
Nobody wants to think they're a type.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Harry.
Your turn.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Shit.
I don't see anything.
Here they are.
I got them.
Great.
He forgot his keys.
I'll give you a half an hour and then we'll meet you at Chumley's.
Better make it an hour.
Might have to get some food in him.
He's pathetic.
Hello? -I'm really sorry.
-it's okay.
Switched my plans a little bit.
I'm getting you Aspirin.
Don't say no.
Top-right cabinet.
-How about some food? -No.
-Thank you.
-Okay.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
Don't.
Don't what? Oh, God.
-You smell so good.
-I feel dizzy.
My goodness.
I know.
I'm supposed to meet somebody.
I should really go.
-You sure? -Yes.
I understand.
it's okay.
Okay.
I'll see you tomorrow, I guess.
Freddy.
I'm sorry I'm at your desk.
It was the cleanest spot in the office.
Are you okay? You didn't come to the party.
It's been my experience that when they give you that Santa suit, there's usually a bottle already in the pocket.
Thank God.
I don't want to worry that every time I hurt your feelings you're gonna start drinking again.
Then why don't you stop hurting my feelings? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I said you were old-fashioned.
And I'm sorry I said you wanted to get married.
I do want to get married.
You've got to work less and find somebody.
I have a boyfriend.
Is it serious? I don't know yet.
But he won't leave me alone.
I was that way with Violet.
Insatiable.
Freddy, I don't want to talk about this.
Hey, you brought it up.
I haven't done much work on this, I have to be honest, and I need to get some coffee.
You'll be fine.
I don't want to be alone on New Year's Eve.
My two cents? If you're gonna marry him, you can't do anything or he won't respect you.
What if I don't know? Well, you can't lead him on.
That is physically very uncomfortable, you know.
It's not a joke.
Did you enjoy the fuhrer's birthday? May he live for 1,000 years.
My father used to say this is the greatest job in the world except for one thing, the clients.
Good morning.
-Did you make it home last night? -I did.
I did.
Come inside.
-What's all this? -For your children.
I bought them the other day, but I finally got them wrapped.
Thank you.
Do you want me to get the door? No.
Do you need some coffee? I had some.
It was quite a party.
I really overdid it.
Me, too.
Thank you for bringing my keys.
I really appreciate it.
I've probably taken advantage of your kindness on too many occasions.
Excuse me? I just wanted to say thank you for bringing my keys.
Okay.
I know we talked about how tough things are for the firm, but I wanted you to know Well, here's the bonus we talked about.
Merry Christmas.
Thank you.
Anything else for right now? No.
Hey.
-Are you all right? -Yeah, of course.
Do you feel different?
-We always get a tall one.
Not taller than the living room.
Let's go back to the other one and stand next to it.
Hey, Sally.
Sally.
Hello.
It's Glen.
I know that.
Well, you all just walked right by me when you came in.
Sorry.
What are you doing back here? My mom got married and now I'm supposed to live with him.
I saw your new dad.
My mom said that would happen.
After they're married a while, they'll have a baby.
You should probably ask for something big now.
Hi.
Are you getting a tree? No, I'm working.
What do you do? I bring twine over.
I get to cut it.
Wow.
Yeah, I made it.
Those are good colors.
We're leaving as soon as I find you.
Bye, Glen.
Maybe I'll call you.
-Good time, bad time? -Yes.
You've got a résumé from the girl you met at the Ziegfeld Theater.
File it.
AI Weaver at Johnson Wax requested another print of Glo-Coat.
And you got this very important piece of mail.
Open it.
"Dear Daddy, Bobby thinks this is going to the North Pole, "but we should keep up the roos.
" R-double-O-S.
Too much television.
"Bobby says that he knows he doesn't deserve a Heathkit radio "because of what happened with leaving the freezer open in the garage, "but maybe Santa could choose from a bicycle, a better pellet gun, "a clock radio, a transistor radio, a drum set and a bicycle.
" I left that freezer open.
"Baby Gene wants a fireman.
I don't know what that means.
" it's adorable.
"And I would like the gold necklace "that you can put your initials on that we saw at Macy's.
"And most of all, I'd like you to be here on Christmas morning to give it to me, "but I know you can't be.
" I'm sorry.
So, a drum set, a fire truck, the necklace is $30 and it's SBD, Sally Beth Draper.
And, get her some Beatles 45s and him a transistor radio, too.
The girls went to Joan and I don't want to undermine her, but are we allowed to bring a friend to the Christmas party? Lane scaled it back to a glass of gin and a box of Velveeta.
We're tightening our belts.
But you will be getting a bonus, even if I have to see to it myself.
Well, thank you.
I didn't want to have to write a letter to Santa.
-Do you want this? -Sure.
Send him in.
Ready Freddy.
-it's been too long.
-No, just long enough.
You look good.
Have a seat.
Jeez.
It looks like an Italian hospital in here.
I know, I know.
Jane got a decorator.
I feel like with my hair, you can't even see me in here.
-Something brown? -Maybe later, What time is it? Look at that.
So, I thought it'd be best if I broached this opportunity in person.
Well, don't be fooled by the setup here.
It's Potemkinville.
Well, maybe I can help.
I walked out of JWT with a present under my arm.
Pond's Cold Cream.
It's $2 million, but they'll never even notice it's gone.
How the hell did you do that? Suffice it to say the client and I are in a fraternity together.
I can't handle the account myself, but I'm clean and sober now.
Sixteen months without a drop.
So when you said, "Maybe later"â'___ What am I gonna say? Look, if it doesn't work out, you can keep the account.
What am I gonna say? Yes.
There is one little caveat.
Name it.
I feel like I'm getting sucked into that thing.
I don't want Pete Campbell near this.
I was surprised you took him along.
No comment.
Sugarberry has been selling hams for 30 years at a fairly steady rate while doing everything they could to create sales, and then we do this in a month.
We have to give them time to reconcile that.
Freddy! Ballerina.
I feel like the Tin Man.
-Good to see you.
-Yeah.
How are you, Freddy? Couldn't be better.
I was just talking about you.
Freddy here just ran in from the yard with a $2-million account in his mouth.
Pond's Cold Cream.
Well, that explains why you look so good.
A little early for that, isn't it, Don? Very funny.
The pedigree of this account is that it was boosted and I'll need to maintain my personal contact to it creatively, if that's all right with you, Don.
If you don't mind working with this old thing over here.
I was counting on it.
None for me.
When can you bring them in? I'll be handling this one, Pete.
Well, Freddy, I hate to bring this up, but I do believe it's on everyone's mind.
We all want to know if you can be Santa at the Christmas party.
It's the role I was born to play.
Francis residence.
Can Sally come to the phone? Who may I say is calling? Stanley.
I have a question about homework.
Sally, there's a young man on the phone, Stanley.
Hello? It's Glen.
Hi.
Don't you wanna know why I said my name is Stanley? I guess.
Because this is private.
Where are you? Where do you think? I'm down the street at my mom's.
How come you didn't move? I don't know.
But I hate it here.
I really, really do.
Why? I won't tell anybody.
Every time I go around a corner, I keep thinking I'll see my dad.
Sorry.
They're not gonna get back together, you know.
Glen? Especially now that she's doing it with somebody else.
Doing what? Glen! Well, don't worry.
One day, they'll wake up and they'll want to move.
You'll see.
I gotta go.
Bye.
Goodbye.
Who's Stanley? A boy.
We will soon be charging clients for this service and Dr.
Atherton will in turn be charging us.
Significantly less.
Bert and I have been meaning to work together for years.
Out in the open at least.
Very good, then.
Shall we dim the lights? No, beginning the presentation with the film is a mistake.
Audiences will listen to anything in anticipation.
See what I was talking about? Simply said, we believe that at the motivational research group, we have brought the science of consumer evaluation to a point of precision like that of a surgeon's scalpel.
No doubt, with the help of minds like Dr.
Faye Miller, with whose work you are already unknowingly familiar.
Faye helped develop the indelible image that has become the standard of feminine hygiene advertising, the carefree gal in white pants.
It's right up there with the polio vaccine.
Beyond demographic information, salary, age, marital situation, we've tried to find a way to select prospects who can really provide insight.
This test is our beginning.
Take a minute, fill it out and please, take a cookie.
What's it mean if we don't? That you're a psychopath.
The point of this exercise is to familiarize you with our methods.
The point of the cookies is that everyone should be rewarded for their time.
These questions have been designed to get at what subjects really want instead of what they say they do.
What are the real feelings that exist below the surface? For example, "How would you describe your father?" No matter what the answer, it creates a level of intimacy for the next question, "Who makes decisions in your household?" There's some pencils if you need them.
I apologize.
I have an appointment.
That is yours to keep.
Is that work? No, it's me.
It's kind of silly.
Tell me when they pull the curtains so I can get out of here.
-Do you want ice? -Yes.
What are you doing? Saint Vincent's junior staff Christmas party.
At 8:00 in the morning? Well, the shift just ended and we have to do it soon because Christmas and New Year's, we're overrun with suicides.
Well Phoebe.
And you're Don.
I know.
I hope we haven't met.
Well, I'm right across the hall.
We wave to each other.
You met my friend Sarah.
She fell on the stairs.
Maybe you weren't in uniform.
Don't pretend that you've never noticed me.
You always grunt when you put your Keys in the door.
It's not good, which is why I am inviting you to my party.
I really appreciate the invitation, Phoebe, but I'm late for work.
So you should thank me for waking you.
Tallulah Bankhead, she's glamorous.
She seems more uncompromising than a movie star, you know, because she's on Broadway.
She never got off Broadway because she's not beautiful enough.
Shame on you.
Come on.
A little backstage at the makeup mirror with Pond's, a big bouquet of roses, opening night.
"The choice of professionals.
" It's good, right? All of their research says that they're trying to get young women.
Well, young women look up to older women.
For beauty tips? Are you joking? I know the client.
This thing is rigged.
That's what he wants.
It's not just about the client.
People are looking at everything we do here.
Have you seen our work? It's very different than this.
Frederick van Rumsen! Von.
Boy, oh, boy, were you missed at lunch.
Cal Rutledge from Pond's.
What a cut-up.
-What do you mean? -I mean I gotta go lay down.
I can't believe that's his job.
Hello.
Could you tell him Mr.
Rumsen's on the phone? -Interrupt him.
-What's wrong? Calvin, do you have anything to tell me? Did you just have lunch with Roger Sterling? So you have nothing to say? Hey, hey, don't do that.
it's okay.
Pull yourself together.
First Baptist Church, 79th and Broadway.
I gotta go.
Is everything okay? What, you can't put two and two together? Listen, cutie, wrap your head around finding the right famous face or my other thing about the T-zone.
I want 10 tags apiece, then I narrow it down and then we go to Don.
Are you serious? I'll do them, too.
Don't worry, I'm sure yours will be better because you're girlier.
Lee Garner Jr Put him through.
Caroline, did he say what it was about? Well, hello, Lee.
How's Palm Beach? Beautiful.
Heading back there in a couple of days.
Back? Where the hell are you? In town doing a little Christmas shopping.
Yeah, I'd love to see you now that I Know you're in town.
Caroline! -How about dinner tomorrow? -Christmas party.
How about lunch? We're having a Christmas party.
Why am I getting my invitation so late? Because I thought you were out of town.
Madison Avenue office Christmas party? I've seen the movies.
You find me.
-Okay.
3200? -No.
4:00.
I'm looking forward to it.
You won't be disappointed.
I just got off the phone with Lee Garner Jr.
He's going to stop by.
We're gonna have to have a Christmas party, a real one.
-How did that happen? -It happened.
In fact, he was offended that we hadn't invited him already.
Uninvite him.
Take him to the Four Seasons.
He can have three entrees.
This man doesn't care about food.
I know that you've lived your life from a bottomless pocket, but there's a very real system of money coming in versus money going out.
Overtime, supplies being used carelessly, leaving the lights on, parties, it adds up.
Listen, Olivier, aren't you the one who's always talking about how Lucky Strike is 99% of our business or something? We have Pond's and I hate the way you say "percent," you know that? What about our other clients? We have no other clients.
If Lee Garner Jr.
wants three wise men flown in from Jerusalem, he gets it.
Caroline! Get Jeanie in here.
You want something? I brought it from home.
Yes? There's been a small adjustment to the scale of our Christmas party.
Lower or higher? Lee Garner Jr.
will be joining us.
I trust you'll make the appropriate improvements.
Well, I don't.
We need to change its rating from convalescent home to Roman orgy.
Maalox.
I want a bartender and a tree.
Screw him.
I love Christmas.
You love Christmas parties.
We're going to need more employees, so I'm going to allow everyone escorts, even the girls.
New York food, deli and Chinese, and some kind of gift for Mr.
Garner.
You're off-limits.
I don't think he's the one who needs to be reminded.
Come on.
He was all over you the time you wore that red dress, the one with the bow in the back that makes you look like a present.
You have an incredible memory.
Yeah, I think about it a lot.
That dress, I mean.
-Could you wear it? -Stop it.
I didn't mean it that way.
All I was saying was this is the office and that's life.
And this is good and that's life.
What a nice surprise.
Sheila at the Station baked Them.
Sheila.
Who's Sheila? She's 60 years old.
You see how shaky the icing is? Hey, knock it off.
-Why? ls Rasputin home? -She'll hear you.
I want to lie down.
I'm tired.
-My bed is covered with work.
-That's kind of symbolic.
How is my face? Fresh, dewy, well cared for? Let me get a better look.
You taste like soap.
I'm in the middle of a seven-day beauty plan.
Can't we just get undressed and lie together again? That was a bad idea.
How long is this gonna go on? I'm sorry you feel you've put in the time.
-We're not doing anything.
-We're doing some things.
We're not doing anything I can't do myself.
Mark, I told you I want you.
In fact, I want you so much, I wanna wait.
And I told you there's nothing to be afraid of.
I want to be your first.
You're so old-fashioned.
No, I'm not.
In Sweden, they make love the minute they feel attracted.
And it's healthier, because you can find, you know, the perfect person.
Because making love is a very important part of a life with someone.
The most important in Sweden, anyway.
Where did you hear that? I read this article, "The Swedish Way of Love.
" It's very enlightened.
You're never going to get me to do anything Swedish people do.
All you have to do is take a couple of steps that way.
I brought you cookies.
I think you should go home.
And I want you to think about that.
Sorry.
Everybody leaves the moment you have to clean up.
I might have a vacuum.
-Where the hell are you coming from? -Work.
Where do you work? The White Horse tavern? Did you have a party or something? -I hate parties.
-And you hate Christmas.
I got it.
I don't hate Christmas.
I hate this Christmas.
Of course you have heat.
Can I get you something? Come on.
You're going to bed.
Look where we are.
-You're good with that.
-My father was a drunk.
If you don't behave yourself, I'm not gonna take your shoes off and you're gonna wake up with sores on your heels.
How can you stand going to a hospital every day? I love working at the hospital.
People coming into the world, people leaving it.
Everything happens there.
Good night, Don.
Good night! Against the wall, please.
Megan.
The bar looks good.
I need you to get the chafing dishes and the Sternos.
Then call Peking House and move the delivery from 4:00 to 3:30.
-They're always late.
-Yes, Joan.
That one.
On the shortlist I've got Tallulah, Jessica Tandy, Barbara Stanwyck and Doris Day, different types.
I don't even understand your list.
What's wrong with Elizabeth Taylor? Isn't it about making old ladies look good? Nothing makes old ladies look good.
But Pond's does.
That's the point.
If young girls started using it, maybe they'd End a husband and they wouldn't be so angry.
All I was trying to say is that I've used the stuff and I think there's something about the experience of putting it on and looking in the mirror.
If we were to go another way, that's not a bad idea.
Indulging yourself, right? No, if you use Pond's, you'll get married.
That's not what I was saying.
Or we could go the other way.
If you don't use it, then you'll never get married.
Which is better? You know what? Just write them down.
No, I'm not writing that down.
I'm sorry if I hit a nerve there, precious.
You know, Freddy, I have brought your name up 100 times in the last year to come in and freelance, for me, but everybody is right about you.
You and your grand dames, and your portable typewriter and your desperate spinsters.
You're old-fashioned.
You know that? -Miss Olson? -Yes? Everyone is leaving to get dressed for the party.
-Do you need me right now? -No, you can go.
I'm sorry, Freddy.
Don't worry about it.
Is Violet coming? She wouldn't miss it.
Thank you, dear.
You know Peter.
He'd rather spend every waking second right here in the city.
Who'd want to miss Christmas in New York? Fifth Avenue Chestnuts roasting on a greasy man's open street cart.
My goodness.
We're going to the Bahamas and there's nothing else to it.
Harry spent so much time in Los Angeles, I figured I'd treat him to the mountains.
Stowe.
What about you, Don? Do you have any plans? Yes, heading to Acapulco.
Are you taking anyone special? No.
Well, it's your own fault.
Yes, I pity him, marooned in that sea of bikinis.
Merry Christmas.
-Nice to see you again.
-You as well, sir.
-Don.
-Don.
We're going to get something to drink.
Where the hell is he? They are children, and they can't accept the fact that others have to make decisions for them.
So, we are not part of this herd you're talking about.
You're from Great Britain.
I'd think you'd be familiar with the perils of socialism.
Civil rights is the beginning of a slippery slope.
If they pass Medicare, they won't stop until they ban personal property.
Storm our houses and rape our wives.
Man your battle stations! Nice dress.
Where's Mr.
Holloway? Saving lives.
Everyone, ladies, come on, let's go.
Don't forget it's a party.
Please, please.
I walked in here five minutes ago, no one did anything.
Merry Christmas, Lee.
That's quite a tan.
I work at it.
When can we expect something for Lucky Strike as good as "Let me out of here!" Well, Glo-Coat told me to swing for the fences.
Well, I didn't know I had to ask, Donny.
We have gifts, girls and games, but first I'm gonna get you some food.
Well, that's a good idea, Red.
I've been drinking all day.
Don't turn on the lights, shithead.
Come on.
If you hear anything, run.
Don't worry about me.
Megan, can you get Mr.
Garner a drink? Where's Santa? He didn't show, but he did leave some presents.
Well, I could've sworn I conga'd by a suit.
-You want to be Santa? -Hell, no.
How about you, Roger? I would, but I'm allergic to velvet.
Come on.
You'll do great.
-Are you serious? -Damn straight.
I don't think so.
I'll do it.
-I'd love to be Santa.
-Yes.
Come on.
It'd take three of you to fill that suit.
Besides, everybody knows Santa's got white hair.
Put it on, Roger.
Come on, Lee.
Put it on.
He's a hell of a sport.
Everybody just stay there.
Call the police.
-ls somebody in the house? -Maybe it's a bear.
Hello? I'm guessing it's kids.
Let me look around the house.
-Hello? -Just stay here.
Where's your lovely wife, Lane? She and my son are in London.
I shall be joining them soon enough.
Mine's in Florida.
I guess we'll suffer through, eh, Jeeves? Merry Christmas! It's hard to tell if he's Father Christmas or Father Time.
Merry Christmas! That's a big bag, Roger.
Don't want you to have a third heart attack.
Right, honey? What have we here? What do all the good boys and girls want for Christmas? Lucky Strike! -Thank you.
-You're welcome.
Don't smoke those all at once.
And I have a very special present for a little boy who knows he's been naughty.
Lee.
You didn't need to do that.
Yes, we did.
-Look at that.
-it's a Polaroid.
Thank you.
It reminds me of when I was a kid.
Remember that? You'd ask for something, you'd get it and it made you happy.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
Merry Christmas, Don.
There's eggs in my bed! You can sleep in our room if you want.
My room's fine.
Anybody home? Not for much longer.
I can't leave until Geoff and Bert Cooper figure out how to take food from children.
Well, if anyone can do it How many Christmas parties do you have to go to? I pity you.
Please, sit down.
No, I just want to make sure there were no problems.
You really are a full-service company.
It's just you didn't take the test and I know you're the creative shaman around here, but you walked out of my presentation.
I'm disappointed.
I thought you came in to flirt, but you came in to tight.
You have to know I found out all I could about you.
Your work is very interesting and I guess I was hoping you thought mine was.
It's not personal.
I just don't think you can learn much about people that way.
I learned a lot about you.
You're the kind of man who doesn't want to take the test.
I'm sorry.
I just don't see how knowing about my childhood is gonna help sell floor wax.
I saw that ad.
It's all about somebody's childhood.
Look, we're both in the same business and I'm not embarrassed to say it's about helping people somehow to sort out their deepest conflict.
And what is that? In a nutshell, it all comes down to "What I want versus what's expected of me.
" That's true.
I know it's true, and you would've known it's true if you'd stayed for my presentation.
Want to get some dinner or something? No, thank you.
But apology accepted.
Look, I know the holidays are hard in your situation, but don't worry.
You'll be married again in a year.
What? I'm sorry.
I always forget.
Nobody wants to think they're a type.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Harry.
Your turn.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Shit.
I don't see anything.
Here they are.
I got them.
Great.
He forgot his keys.
I'll give you a half an hour and then we'll meet you at Chumley's.
Better make it an hour.
Might have to get some food in him.
He's pathetic.
Hello? -I'm really sorry.
-it's okay.
Switched my plans a little bit.
I'm getting you Aspirin.
Don't say no.
Top-right cabinet.
-How about some food? -No.
-Thank you.
-Okay.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
Don't.
Don't what? Oh, God.
-You smell so good.
-I feel dizzy.
My goodness.
I know.
I'm supposed to meet somebody.
I should really go.
-You sure? -Yes.
I understand.
it's okay.
Okay.
I'll see you tomorrow, I guess.
Freddy.
I'm sorry I'm at your desk.
It was the cleanest spot in the office.
Are you okay? You didn't come to the party.
It's been my experience that when they give you that Santa suit, there's usually a bottle already in the pocket.
Thank God.
I don't want to worry that every time I hurt your feelings you're gonna start drinking again.
Then why don't you stop hurting my feelings? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I said you were old-fashioned.
And I'm sorry I said you wanted to get married.
I do want to get married.
You've got to work less and find somebody.
I have a boyfriend.
Is it serious? I don't know yet.
But he won't leave me alone.
I was that way with Violet.
Insatiable.
Freddy, I don't want to talk about this.
Hey, you brought it up.
I haven't done much work on this, I have to be honest, and I need to get some coffee.
You'll be fine.
I don't want to be alone on New Year's Eve.
My two cents? If you're gonna marry him, you can't do anything or he won't respect you.
What if I don't know? Well, you can't lead him on.
That is physically very uncomfortable, you know.
It's not a joke.
Did you enjoy the fuhrer's birthday? May he live for 1,000 years.
My father used to say this is the greatest job in the world except for one thing, the clients.
Good morning.
-Did you make it home last night? -I did.
I did.
Come inside.
-What's all this? -For your children.
I bought them the other day, but I finally got them wrapped.
Thank you.
Do you want me to get the door? No.
Do you need some coffee? I had some.
It was quite a party.
I really overdid it.
Me, too.
Thank you for bringing my keys.
I really appreciate it.
I've probably taken advantage of your kindness on too many occasions.
Excuse me? I just wanted to say thank you for bringing my keys.
Okay.
I know we talked about how tough things are for the firm, but I wanted you to know Well, here's the bonus we talked about.
Merry Christmas.
Thank you.
Anything else for right now? No.
Hey.
-Are you all right? -Yeah, of course.
Do you feel different?