Mount Pleasant (2011) s04e02 Episode Script

Oh, come on, Dan.
No hug for your favourite little brother? The local press are doing a story about me! They're sending round a photographer tonight! They want a picture of me? He got three D's.
And technically, those are passes.
It wasn't as bad in here as you might think.
Seriously.
Ended up getting shifted to my own cell.
Governor owed us a favour.
Guess I owe you one myself, then? Guess you do.
Three A's, Dad! It's a local newspaper, not the national press.
Stop worrying.
Lisa Johnson! Where's delivery room seven? This is Molly Johnson.
Now, then, sweetheart, what's crack-a-lackin'? Did you get back to sleep? Eventually.
What is it with her and her two in the morning nappy explosion? I don't know.
I think her internal clock is out of whack.
Thanks for taking her off me, though.
Not a word to Dan, eh? No.
Hand her over, quick! Now, then, gang! Eh! It's your daddy! # Daddy! Daddy Cool! # Daddy! Daddy Cool! # Say it again! # Daddy! Daddy Cool! Oh, yeah! Daddy! Daddy Cool! Huh! All right.
Oh! I've missed this! You're the only one who has.
Oh, God.
Oh, what? Whaaa! Right! I am off to earn some pennies to keep you three in the manner to which you have become accustomed.
Oh, he's gone all Jane Austen.
But not before I have smothered the most beautiful girl in the world with kisses over every spare inch of her gorgeous little face Oh! Get off, you nut job! You're so lucky to get to spend all day with her.
Maybe we could take it in turns? You could stop home every other day and I can go out and do the bread-winning.
Good idea! See you laters, mashed potatoes.
See you in an hour, cauliflower.
Ooh, I've really missed this! You're bloody idiots.
I've missed it, too.
What's that? Statement, for those adverts I did.
They're only just paying you now? How much is it? Do I ask you how much you get? You're right, you're right.
Your business.
Just don't spend it all on shoes.
Gotta go.
That's your idea of breakfast on the go? I haven't got time to stop off for anything.
I've got to be at my desk by ten before Lisa calls to check up on me.
I also have to be there at twelve, two, two thirty, four and five.
Someone really needs to explain to her what the term maternity leave means.
Actually, why don't you come in with me? We hardly ever see each other these days.
Might be nice.
But you'll just be working.
What am I meant to do? I dunno.
You could find something.
Maybe a bit of filing, answer the odd call.
Are you asking me to do PA work? No! Oh, no! Actually, yes.
Seriously, Denise, I'm up to my eyes at the moment.
Then hire someone.
I don't do that any more.
I'll pay you.
Eh? Nice little bit of extra pocket money between modelling gigs.
Then you could spend that on shoes.
Could I? This must be some kind of mistake.
No.
Apparently that's fairly normal.
But this is But this is Quite a lot of shoes.
I know.
So I think I can probably get by without your pocket money for the time being, thank you very much.
Well, go on.
Your breakfast is melting.
Right.
I've cancelled my first job of the day for this, so it had better be important! What's going on? Well, I don't know what you call it here these days but over in the States we refer to it as breakfast.
Robbie wanted to show me sophisticated New York dining.
Eggs en cocotte, sour cream hazelnut waffles and buckwheat crepes with caramelized onion.
Gwyneth Paltrow won't start the day without it.
Gwyneth Paltrow! What do you think of that? We eat at the same diner.
We are actually on nodding terms.
You said there was an emergency! There is! The lavvy's knackered again.
It'd be your dad.
He goes at that thing like he's on Total Wipeout.
That's not an emergency! I was on a job.
A paying job.
You going to compensate me for that? Oh! Charge our own mother to fix her toilet? You've changed, Dan.
I'll get my tools.
Who was that on the phone? What's happened? It was someone from City Wanderers.
The football club.
They've asked me to come for a trial.
Tonight.
But they're a proper team.
I've actually heard of them.
They've been on the telly.
I know.
Oh! Oh, my God! You're a professional footballer! Bianca You'll be on the telly, too! And then they might pick you for Strictly! They sometimes have footballers on Strictly.
We have to tell people! No! I've not even had the trial yet.
I might not be good enough.
Of course you'll be good enough.
That's what I thought about my A levels.
Oh.
But this is different.
You're actually good at football! That came out wrong.
Look, I just don't want to get my hopes up, OK? So promise we're not going to tell anyone.
OK.
I promise.
I can tell Lisa though? No! Nobody! All right.
Nobody.
My lips are sealed.
Goal! Morning.
Morning.
Come on - where are you? Oh! Lisa the multi-tasker! Oh.
Hello.
So how are you finding mummy-dom, then? Where've you been, Fergus? You know I always call at ten.
Don't tell me you've just got in.
There is something seriously nasty I've had to change your lift rod.
You've been using them cheap bleach blocks, haven't you? They eat away at it.
Stop using them.
But that means I'll have to clean the toilet every week.
You should clean the toilet anyway! Every day! Right, you.
Get your jacket on.
Sorry? I've got nothing on till after dinner, so I thought you and me could have that little catch-up we're overdue.
Erm I'm all right, thanks.
Ah, no, go on! You've hardly seen each other since you arrived.
Yeah, be nice.
A little trip down memory lane.
That is why you said you were back, isn't it? Tanya? She's gone out.
Where? Don't know.
But she did take your wallet.
Of course she did.
I'm just reading up on Manchester University.
I can't wait.
Looks just like her mum, don't she? Gus.
Long time no see, old friend.
Though I reckon we're about to change all that, don't you? There she is! Molly-Moo! Molly-Moo! Molly-Wolly-Woobles! What have you been calling her, Lisa? Molly-Sue.
Oh, I don't mean her proper name, I mean her baby name.
When you talk to her, what do you call her? Molly-Sue.
Lisa! She has got to have a baby name.
Tell you what, you can have Molly-Wolly-Woobles.
I don't think I'll need that one.
Right.
How's Josh? Oh, Iggly? He's fine.
It's a granny-day today, which Fergus decided to use as an excuse to take advantage of me.
Tried to make me go into the office and do some filing and stuff for him.
I spoke to him this morning.
He never said anything.
Mind, I couldn't really understand him.
I think he was eating something.
Oh, that'll have been his Cornetto.
All right, Denise? I saw your billboard the other day! You're like a proper celebrity now.
Oh! Maybe just a little one.
Should I ring him? I'm going to ring him.
I've never met a proper celebrity before.
When me and Sue went to London, we thought we saw Noel Edmonds in Poundstretcher but it might not have been him.
They all look the same, that lot, don't they? Yeah, I suppose they do.
Lisa, I'm fine.
Everything is fine.
But if you're really worried then maybe we could, I don't know - I suppose I could look into hiring a temporary PA or something.
'Don't you even think about that.
' No, I would never hire anyone without talking to you first.
All right.
Bye.
Everything all right? Yeah, yeah.
Oh, it's just the missus.
You know.
So, er Why don't you start by telling me about your last PA job? Hmm? Oh, this place hasn't changed.
Used to always beat you on that quiz machine, remember? You have a very selective memory.
Right, your round first.
I'll have a pint, please.
Erm What? Technically, I am on holiday.
Anyway, that guy's on the scotch, look, and he's a vicar.
Yeah, I am not sure he counts.
So what was it? Wedding? Christening? Mice.
OK.
That's a new one.
Erm, this is Robbie, my brother.
Oh, yes! The prodigal son! Yes, I've heard all about it.
Very nice to meet you.
You too, Rev.
Is it Rev? Or do you prefer Reverend? Or Father? Roger will be fine.
Oh, you're one of them cool vicars! There's loads of them in New York.
There's this one guy does all his sermons from a skate park in the Bronx - whole congregation doing kick flips and hand-spins whilst he preaches.
You should try it with your lot.
Yes.
I'll bring it up at the next parish council.
Can I have a Coke, please? And so will he.
Cheers, Rev.
I didn't think you were coming in to work today.
I'm not.
I've got some exciting news! It's about Gary.
That's all I can say.
So will you stop trying to get it out of me? What are you doing with that? What? Er, yeah, something's come up.
Bit of business.
Is Mum going? Not this time, no.
She won't be happy.
I'm going to that open day thing.
Will you be here when I get back? That's today? You going on your own? Er, no - I'm going with Shez.
Her Mum's driving us down.
Why? Er, nothing.
I would have taken you myself, that's all.
Yes, I'll still be here - not leaving till tonight.
Well, I'll see you later then.
Have fun.
OK.
Mice? Filthy little vermin.
I know we're supposed to love all of God's creatures but you know, even I have limits.
Mice.
Spiders.
Jugglers.
Jugglers? Well, what's the bloody point of them? In the meantime, I'm going to finish this and then book myself into a bed and breakfast.
A bed and breakfast? You? Yes, me.
I am quite capable of roughing it! No, you're not! You're coming home with me.
Sorry? You'd go loopy in a bed and breakfast.
They lock their doors at ten.
Plus, you never know who's been sleeping in the beds.
It could have been a juggler.
Bianca, that's extremely kind of you and I just don't want to impose.
And also there's Gary.
Gary thinks the world of you.
You know that.
Besides, he's got more important things on his mind at the moment.
Which I can't tell you about.
So will you stop bringing it up! Now, come on, drink up - let's go.
Spit spot.
God! Karaoke tonight.
I should get Mum down, get her doing her Chrissie Hynde.
You can come too, if you like? Can I? I can come to my local with my mum, can I? Thanks, Rob.
As long as you don't sing.
I'm a good singer.
You haven't got a musical bone in your body.
It skipped you, somehow.
Not me.
I take after Dad.
Yeah, in more ways than one.
Right, let's have it, then.
It is why you brought me here and plied me with Coca-Cola, isn't it? It broke Mum's heart when you left.
You do know that, don't you? She'd only just got over Dad walking out on her and then you jump ship too.
It was a shitty move.
I regret it.
But I had a lot going on in my life back then.
You've always got a lot going on in your life, Robbie.
Usually debt collectors or angry husbands.
What was it that time? Bit of both.
And the way Mum was - I couldn't handle it.
I know she gave you some money.
She told you that? A grand in savings, wasn't it? I had to get away.
I don't expect you to understand.
Oh, I understand, cos you've been doing it since you were 17 years old.
So what's happened? I've told you.
You've told me you've landed some overpaid job in a swanky New York bar.
You told me this whole glorious return is nothing but an innocent little vacation.
You don't have to believe me.
I don't believe you.
Don't then.
I actually think that's the same quiz machine.
Don't change the subject.
I'm not.
Conversation's over.
You've asked me, I've told you.
You're the one changing the subject because you don't want to face me in a rematch.
Because you're scared.
Seriously? You really think that still works on me? What are you going to do next? Make chicken noises? No.
What was that? What was what? I didn't say anything.
Right! Hiya! Sh! What? I've just got her down! Oh! I won't wake her.
I just need my daily Nana-fix.
Ah! That's the stuff, the sweet elixir of youth.
I can feel my wrinkles straightening out as we speak.
Now then, cheekbones.
I showed our Robbie your picture in the paper the other day.
Eyes shot out on stalks.
Probably not all that did, neither! Pauline! What? Paying the girl a compliment, aren't I? You want to keep sweet with this one.
She's our ticket to film premiers and red carpets.
Met anyone famous yet? No.
But Barry saw Noel Edmonds in Poundstretcher.
It might not have been him.
Can we? I've got a couple more people to see but I'll give you an answer by Wednesday.
Pleasure to meet you.
Yeah.
I've got a tiny bit behind with some of the paperwork at the moment.
When did your last PA leave? Well, to be honest, you'd be Well, whoever I hire would be the first.
You've been running this whole operation by yourself? Well, I've got a partner but she's mostly silent.
Mostly That's amazing.
Can I ask, which business school did you go to? MBS.
You're kidding? That's where I went.
No? Yeah! I mean, a bit before your time - obviously.
Ah, well, I think you will find I'm a smidge older than you.
I don't think so! What are you? Yeah, around there, yeah.
Well, as I say, it's an absolute pleasure.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yes.
Yes.
Me, too.
Look, I don't want to talk out of turn but I really don't like the thought of you sorting through files.
It's not the job of a company director.
Why don't I stay on this afternoon? Think of it as part of my interview.
Just show me to a desk.
All right? What's up? What are you doing? Right now? Not a lot.
You can come round here, then.
I need to talk to you.
About what? About that favour you owe me.
Ta-da! What do you think? It's like Liberace, er, exploded.
Oh! Thank you! I picked the colour scheme myself.
J What? My God! What's that?! That's Emily! Isn't she beautiful? I've had her since I was a little girl.
Father picked her up for me on his travels.
Where from? Amityville? I can't have that staring at me whilst I'm trying to go to sleep.
Looks like it might come to life and rip my face off.
Emily would never do a thing like that! But if you're going to be such a baby about it Sorry.
There.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
That's a lot less creepy.
I'm going to leave you to get settled in.
God in Heaven.
Yes! That was a guess.
No, it wasn't.
You knew the capital city of Senegal? Who doesn't? Right.
My turn to pick.
Er Sports! Oh! This'll break you.
You were never interested in sports.
Soon as the Grandstand theme started up you were sharp out the door.
And straight down the street to spend the afternoon necking with Julie Sparks.
But I'm sure you and Des Lynam were very happy together.
Ah! Nigel Mansell?! Everybody knows Nigel Mansell! That barely qualifies as a question.
And that was for the jackpot?! These machines have been dumbed down.
Right, come on - split the pot.
Oh, absolutely.
Sixty-forty.
It was a tie! We both answered the same amount of questions! Yeah but you guessed on Senegal.
Just give me my half.
I've already lost out on three jobs as it is today.
Ah! Now my four o'clock's cancelled! Well, you can't blame that one on me or Mum's toilet.
Anyway, that gives you a free run now! Means we can stop for a few more.
And perhaps we could have proper drink this time, eh? When did you become such an alkie? When did you become such a square? In New York most of us would have had a Cosmo by now.
I thought that was a magazine? It's a cocktail, you plank.
All right! Never heard of it.
I drink beer.
Cocktails are for girls.
And yet you've heard of the magazine? Who exactly is that for? She's still asleep.
I think it's a record.
Oh! How good is this one? I might take this in when I go back to work, put it on my desk.
It's better than the one I've got of Dan.
I snuck in and snapped one of him when he was in the shower! He's wearing this floral shower cap and has this terrified look on his face, like Norman Bates has just walked in! So, you two have been through this before.
What happens now? How do you mean? Well, what do you do all day? Feed her.
Change her.
Put her to bed.
And after that? Well, wait for her to wake up again.
And in between? Absolutely bloody nothing! Oh, you're so lucky, Lisa! I wish I could turn back the clock and do it all over.
Happiest days of my life, them first few weeks with our Dan.
Nowt to do but sit around cuddling him and smoking fags.
In another room, obviously.
Didn't want him growing up a short-arse.
But er Didn't you get bored? No.
No, no, me neither.
I was just wondering.
I bet some people do.
How are your boobs feeling, Lisa? Think I'll go to the shop.
I cannot believe you got all these sorted and done in What? Four hours? This would have taken me days.
It's a gift.
You're a gift.
Go on, get yourself away, I'll lock up.
So I'll hear by Wednesday, then? What? Oh! Forget that.
The job's yours.
Start tomorrow, nice and early.
Welcome aboard and all that.
You won't regret it.
Am I OK to keep using this desk? Hmm? Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's Lisa's.
She's on maternity.
She won't be back for weeks.
OK.
So I can get rid of this? Oh, God.
I wish you would.
OK.
See you at nine.
Oh, actually, we start at ten here.
Or nine.
Let's start at nine.
What's this? That, Daniel, is the much ballyhooed Cosmo.
Try it.
Well? Yeah, it's all right.
Thought you might like it.
How come you haven't got one? Oh, I don't drink cocktails.
They're for girls.
You're such an idiot.
See? A laugh, a smile! I knew you still loved me! Oh, shut up, you pillock.
All unpacked? Yes and I've put your little dolly in one of the drawers.
And let me tell you this.
If I hear as much as squeak from it during the night, I am out of here.
Are you circling programmes you're going to watch? Of course.
How do you do it? Well.
I don't.
Oh! It's Gary! I haven't told you anything, Roger, remember that.
I have not told you anything! You do realise you really haven't told me anything, don't you? All right, cock! All right? Hi, Roger.
Hello.
Roger's house has got mice, so he's going to be staying with us two or three days.
Are you still OK to drop me off at that thing later? Yes, I am.
And I haven't said a word to anybody.
Have, I Roger? No! Right.
I'd best go and get changed.
And do your hair! What do I need to do my hair for? They're not going to be looking at my hair.
Maybe not.
They'll most likely be concentrating on your legs but hair is very important too.
I've got a try-out for a professional club.
Seriously?! Yes.
I didn't tell anyone because I don't know how well I'll do.
Oh, you'll do brilliantly! He'll do brilliantly, won't he, Roger? You don't know that! So will you please stop getting so excited? I was supposed to be starting university next week and look what happened there.
I don't want to let anyone down again - not myself, not you and not Dad.
Don't you dare! You have not let your father down.
And you certainly have never, never let me down.
Ever.
You've grown up to be a good, kind, honest boy, not like one of them What do they call them, Roger? They wear them stripy things? Er, chavs.
Chavs! So you've got nothing to be ashamed of.
And if this try-out thing doesn't work out, you'll find another path and neither me nor your father will think any less of you, all right? All right.
Sorry.
Thanks, Bianca.
Go and get changed.
And do your hair! She's still asleep.
Are you going? Yeah, let you have some relaxing Mum time.
Hey, do you fancy a quickie in the pub? Oh, er, I could do, I suppose.
Absolutely.
We should be better mates, you and me.
Karaoke on tonight.
Ooh! See you, flower.
Bye, Lisa! Bye.
Well, can you do it or not? Yeah.
I can do it.
This is the big favour? You want me to build you a new kitchen? No.
I'll pay you for this.
I'm guessing work's been a bit hard to come by since you got out? Just a bit.
But if this isn't the favour, then what? Hello! Shit.
Just All right? Oh, there you are.
You'll never guess what happened.
I got into town and I realized I'd accidently taken your wallet instead of my purse again.
But not to worry, it's not all about me because.
Look! It's for Lisa and the baby! What do you think? Yeah, well It was going to be a surprise but I've finally given in to your demands.
You bought me a Greg! I bought you a Greg who's going to build you a new kitchen.
Oh, my God! Thank you so much! He's going to be working here morning till night, so I've said he can stay out in the motorhome.
And we will bring you breakfast every day! Or at least Ella will, because I stay in bed till about ten.
Oh, Brads, you are the best! Hey, why don't you take that present over to Lisa's and Greg and I can go through the logistics? Then when you get back, you can go through the catalogue, start picking out appliances.
OK.
I will! I will! I will! You want to tell me exactly what's going on? You want a pint this time, then, Dan? Yeah, I mean, you know, not fussed, whatever you like.
You want another Cosmo, don't you? Whatever you're having.
Dan, I erm I kind of need to tell you something.
What? I've sort of not quite been I would have told you sooner but I wanted to make sure we were good first.
We are still good, aren't we, Dan? I fucking knew it.
I'm drinking cocktails in the middle of the fucking day! How do you do it, Rob? I was the one brought YOU here to talk to YOU! Keep it cool, big bro, OK? It's nothing worth wigging out over.
Just tell me! This isn't really just a visit.
I'm back for good.
Are you really not going to let me explain? What's to explain? You lied.
Just like you always do.
I didn't lie per se.
I just told a version of the truth.
And what version would that be? One that made me sound like less of a loser? Bruce Willis.
I know who was in Die Hard, thank you.
There really was an overpaid job in a swanky New York bar.
Until about a month ago, when I got fired.
And, no, I wasn't doing anything wrong.
I wasn't fiddling the books - nothing like that.
People don't get fired for nothing.
I slept with the boss's wife.
You just said you weren't doing anything wrong! Legally.
I wasn't doing anything wrong legally.
You know I paid Mum back, don't you? She tried to refuse it, of course.
She liked the fact I'd achieved something and that she'd made it happen.
But I sent it back anyway.
Now do you see why I can't tell her? Then what are you going to tell her, Robbie? What's the plan here? She is going to realise you don't seem to be in much of a rush to go back.
Inverness.
You paid her back? Yes.
Mum never hears about what went on over there.
Clear? You tell her that you found something better, which means you really are going to have to find something better.
You've got two weeks.
Does that mean you're going to help me? When have I ever had a choice? See? What a team! Eh! Looks like drinks are on the lads! Wahey! What have you done? Fantastic.
Whoo! Oh, it's really nice.
Yay! I knew you'd love it.
So each of the crystals promotes future wellbeing.
So there is health, wealth and happiness.
Oh! Right.
Thank you.
There's a little card inside explaining them all.
I'm really glad it's just you here, Lisa, because I really wanted a chance to talk to you.
Really? Yes.
I think it's time that we just completely cleared the air.
There's no air to clear.
We're fine.
No.
I know, but I want us to be more than people who just nod to each other in driveways.
I mean, we were really good friends once, weren't we? Well, we were friendly.
Exactly! And we are so alike, aren't we? We are.
Oh, she's awake.
Two hours.
Is that usual? I wouldn't have a clue.
Oh, she's a little stunner, isn't she? I'd like to say how lucky you are but I bet you are ready to scream at the next person who says that, aren't you? Oh, no! I know how lucky I am.
But that's what I mean.
It used to really get on my nerves - it was like people thought they needed to keep reminding me of the fact in case I forgot or something! Yeah.
It is a little bit like that.
I mean, I've never felt anything like I feel for her.
Lucky just doesn't do it justice.
I don't even think I could put it into words.
Exactly.
But people always want you to, don't they? It's like there's something wrong with you if you don't.
You know, in the end I was like, "Sod you.
"You will never understand how much I love my daughter.
"I don't have to keep playing Mother Earth just to prove it to you.
" All right? Have Scary and Sporty gone yet? Oh! Yeah.
And Posh is on her way out now.
I'll see you later, Lisa.
Yeah, see you.
Oh, and Tanya.
Thanks for that.
Oh, what's this? A chandelier? You're bored, aren't you? Being stuck in the house all day.
No.
You are.
That's why you ran off to the shop.
I didn't want to hear my daughter's mammary glands being discussed.
Why don't we head out? Go to the Dog and Dart.
What do you reckon? Are you sure you're not bored? Me? No.
I'm just thinking of you, Dad.
Get the buggy! Just popping to the loo.
Hey! She's a mate.
And she's got a fella.
And a kid.
So I'm giving you the red light there.
Oh, leave him alone.
Told us how much she got for that ad campaign on the way over.
I'm half tempted to try it on with her myself! All right, Dan? What's crack-a-lackin? Hey! Oh Karaoke! How's about me and you doing a bit of the Proclaimers? "When I wake up.
Then I know I am going to be # Don't spoil it.
What do you think you're doing? Nice to see you, too! You can't bring our baby to the pub! Why not? What am I supposed to do, Dan? Sit around the house with her all day every day? Yes! And what are you doing here? And what on earth is that? A Cosmo.
Oh! So that's the deal, is it? I take care of our daughter and you sit in the pub all day sipping cocktails? Nice, Dan.
So how did it go? Not good.
Oh.
Well, that's That's Bianca! What are you? I was joking! Joking? Yes! They've offered me a spot.
It's only the reserves but it's official.
A wage and everything.
Oh! Oh! I'm sorry, I was messing.
Now can we tell people? Maybe wait till the morning.
Keep it our secret tonight.
We can tell Roger, though? Yes, we can tell Roger.
Then tomorrow you can hold a press conference.
Mum, why didn't you tell me Robbie gave you that loan back? What loan? The grand you gave him when he left for New York.
You know how pissed off I was about that.
He did pay you back, right? Oh, that.
Forgotten all about it.
He did, yeah.
Anyway, I don't have to tell you all my in-goings and outgoings.
You're not the Inland Revenue.
You're in here all day, working, then out there in the motorhome all night.
You're never more than 12 yards away from them at any one time.
Exactly how much danger are they in? Stick to what I say - none, and neither will you be.
And you? Every morning at 10am you'll get a text message.
It'll be blank.
You ever look at your watch and it's you get them out the house and you drive.
Are you going to give me any idea what this is about? I used to work with someone.
I stopped working for them.
He didn't like it.
We kept moving.
He couldn't find us.
Today he did.
And now? Now I'm working with him again.
For as long as it takes me to dissolve the partnership.
Permanently.
Tanya is to know none of this.
As far as she's concerned, I'm just away on business again.
Why don't you just run? Because I've promised them a normal life.
Besides, she's expecting a new kitchen.
Hey! Are we celebrating? Yeah, I think so.
We're pretty much in agreement.
We are, aren't we, Greg? Yay! Go and make yourself at home.
I need a quick word with Tanya.
Quick word about what? Come on, Dan, shall I sign us up? We don't have to do the Proclaimers.
There's loads of other double acts.
Renee and Renate! No, I'm not in the mood, Baz.
You're in A mood.
I'll sing with you, Barry.
No, you won't.
Barry's my singing partner, not yours.
You just said you didn't want to.
Oh, come on.
Me and you will do one.
Right.
I'm going solo then.
I've made a decision, Dan.
I'm going back to work.
What? Just a couple of half days a week, just to keep me in there, stop myself going potty.
I think you've already gone potty.
Who'll look after Molly while you're doing that? You can't take a couple of half days off a week to help out? No, I can't.
I work nine to five every day.
Always have.
What? Like today, you mean? That was different! I was dealing with a family crisis! Anyway, where's this even come from? You were fine this morning.
No, I wasn't.
I thought I was because that's what I thought I was supposed to be.
But then I spoke to Tanya Whoa! Tanya?! She speaks a lot of sense, actually.
Sometimes.
Right.
We'll discuss this later.
In the meantime, you're going to have to take Molly home now.
Why don't you take her home? Because I didn't drag her down here in the Sh! What are you doing, Barry? Getting her away from you two.
She don't want to hear her mum and dad squabbling.
She'll go loco if you leave her stuck at home, this one.
I've seen it before.
With your mum.
Mum? She were just the same.
In the end it were me that had to take paternity.
Very unusual back then.
I don't think they even had a name for it.
They were the happiest days of my life.
So you get back to work, eh, and I will look after her.
That's what I was put on this earth to do, you know.
Dan? Fine with me.
She couldn't be in better hands.
You sure you don't mind, Baz? On one condition.
You're both take her home now.
Cos if there's one thing I'm better at than raising kids, that's karaoke.
Come here.
I'll get the buggy.
You got her? # Don't go breaking my heart # I couldn't if I tried.
# Oh, honey, if I get restless # Baby, you're not that kind Whoo! # Don't go breaking my heart # You take the weight off of me # Oh honey when you knock on my door # Ooh, I gave you my key You're absolutely positive it's not too soon to be going back? It'll be a couple of days a week, max.
You haven't told Fergus yet? Surprise! Who's she? Oh - Angie.
She's our new PA.
She came highly recommended.
I've not been entirely honest about a few things.
What things? Why am I the one copping the flack? Cos you're his brother.
And you're going to take him on for a day.
I bet you're missing your mummy, aren't you? You didn't like her from the moment you walked in.
Maybe you shouldn't have come back so soon.
Us working together was a bad idea.
You're fired.
I quit.
Fine.
Fine.
Fine.
Brads always gives me what I want.
It is simple and uncomplicated, isn't it? With Tanya? We've got the place to ourselves.