Northern Exposure s04e02 Episode Script
Midnight Sun
Who's next? Nobody.
Nobody? You sure? Uh-huh.
Boy, I tell you, things are slow.
They're absolutely slow.
I mean, not that I want people to be ill.
That would be a flagrant violation of the letter and spirit of my Hippocratic oath.
Unprofessional, to say the least.
But it does seem strange that there aren't any patients, doesn't it? I mean, curiosity is my only motivation for wanting to know why there aren't any patients.
And I'd like to know why there hasn't been any and this is only an estimate in, I would say, hours.
We're not open yet.
Not open yet? How can that be? What time is it? It's 8:00.
In the morning? Uh-huh.
Wait a minute.
It's tomorrow? Uh-huh.
It's amazing.
I missed last night.
There wasn't any.
There wasn't? It's the midnight sun.
Of course.
Right.
No sunset.
Just glorious light Marilyn, I didn't sleep a wink, right yet I sailed right through.
I have absolutely no sense whatever of any kind of deprivation.
I am alert.
I am energized.
Tidy.
Tidy, yes.
And exceptionally- What? Horny.
Hey! There you are! Hey, Ed.
Hey, guys.
Look what I found.
Oh.
Where was it? Well, I'm not sure.
But that's the good thing about round things.
They can always roll back from where they've been.
Well, we got no excuse now.
We gotta play.
Why do I keep coming up for this? Same reason stumblebums keep getting back in the ring.
We're obviously gluttons for punishment.
Hey, you guys look seriously bummed.
But don't fret.
Me and the girls are gonna work up some killer cheers to get you psyched.
Well, I'm sure that the team appreciates your good attitude, Shelly but like old Bob Dylan said "A hard rain's gonna fall.
" He wouldn't have said that if he'd seen our cheers.
Carbo-loading, gentlemen? Excellent idea.
A good dietary regimen guarantees a leg up on those sumbees from Sleetmute.
I don't think flapjacks are gonna do the job, Maurice.
There it is, again.
That can't-do spirit.
See, Chris? All those downer vibes are catching.
When I was with Wayne, you know, in the Seals anyone got bummed, Wayne would take him out behind the rink and tell him how lucky they were just to be skating for the team.
I mean, come on! Saskatoon's finest.
And if they still didn't get with the program he'd whip their butt something fierce.
Now let's see those smiles! Shelly, could I have a lemonade, please? Okay.
# You gotta shave it and sink it # # And score, score, score ## Shelly? Yeah, babe? I, uh Holling, are you zonked, or what? Well, I guess maybe I have been a little distracted lately.
Tell me about it.
Dave told me you locked him in the freezer this morning.
You better get your act together.
I mean, Holling, you keep this up you're gonna walk into a wall or something.
Not to mention Dave's getting real hinky about going back for ice.
What? Have I got mustard on me, or something? It's your outfit, Shelly.
Those tassels and fringes and those bitsy fuzzballs at the ends of your shoelaces it makes me feel awful I guess the only word for it is: aroused.
That's bitching, babe.
But if my uni's got your brain so bent maybe I shouldn't wear it until I get to practice.
Oh, Shelly, honey, honest.
There is no need to change.
You sure? Well, okay.
O'Connell, hey! Let me help you out.
What? I want to help you, ease the load, share the burden.
What? Well, it's just that your helping me is so Uh-huh? totally unlike you.
I mean, it's completely out of character.
It just makes me wonder- If I have an ulterior motive, is that it? If there's some craven agenda lurking beneath my neighborliness? Huh? Yes.
O'Connell, O'Connell, why must you be so suspicious? Why must you always search for the asp among the lilies? Oh, experience, conditioning, that sort of thing.
Well, search no more, O'Connell 'cause what you see is what you get.
You know, this is extremely fortunate stuff.
Excuse me? These letters.
Now they come from every smog-choked, overpopulated neurosis-generating city on the globe.
And now look, they found their destination.
This clean, woodsy jewel, this sceptered isle this England.
Come again? Hey, you smell great, you know that? Fleischman, what's going on? Going on? Yeah.
I mean, it's like you had this complete change of disposition.
It's so, uh Sunny? Yeah.
I mean, what happened to that Fleischman angst? That scowl that's always across your face? Where's Dr.
Dismal? I love how open you are.
No dissimulation, no disingenuousness.
No, really.
What are you wearing? It's something like vaguely citrus with an overlay of attar of roses? Attaway, young man! Get that good, fresh air into those pink lungs! Yeah! Fleischman, did you get hit in the head or something? How could I not have seen the exquisiteness of this place before? Suddenly, it's like I'm seeing beyond the shadows, beyond the visual spectrum.
And what do I see? I see I see things I never appreciated before.
The essences of Cicely.
Nature and balance.
Truth.
I love this place! Well, thanks a lot, Fleischman.
It's been a very enlightening conversation.
My pleasure.
Would you like to have sex with me? No.
See.
There it is again.
That wonderful Cicely directness.
I love it.
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
Hey! Hey, doc! How're you doing? Good.
What a day, huh? Yeah.
Man, I just had the weirdest conversation with Fleischman.
He does seem pretty cheerful, doesn't he? Yeah.
Oatmeal cookie? Oh, yes.
That sounds great.
I found some wild checkerberries and put them in.
Mmm.
You know, I'm not much on baking but with the days so long I've got so much time to kill after I close up.
I've even taken to bird watching.
And last night, at 1:00 in the morning, I saw a snow bunting.
Mmm.
Believe me, I was thrilled.
Snow bunting? Damn rare bird.
Gillis! Gillis Toomey.
Speaking of rare birds.
How long has it been, Ruth-Anne? Oh, it's got to be two years.
More.
That mackinaw you sold me, it's at least three years old.
Well, it's been too long.
But time has been gracious to you two.
You're looking well yourself, Gillis.
Have a cookie? Yes, don't mind if I do.
Just baked them.
Hmm.
Where's your rig? It's out back.
I made quite a few purchases when I was in Juneau and I'm full-up with new stock.
Would you ladies like to see? Oh, I'd love to.
Mmm, mmm, Ruth-Anne.
The only word for this is heavenly.
I've got to sort all this mail, Gillis.
Would it be all right if I came out later? Anytime would please me.
Oh, okay.
Uh one more for the road? You haven't changed a bit, have you? If it ain't broke why the hell fix it? Shall we? Yeah.
Let's go.
It's a pleasure to be back.
Hey! You should've come back sooner.
You're right.
I should've.
I guess I just got stuck in a routine down south.
You know, sell and drive.
Drive and sell.
But I felt like I was staying too close to the barn.
And then somehow, this year the extra sunlight called me further north, and I thought "Wouldn't it be nice to make the trip on up to Cicely?" The midnight sun is such a joy to drive in.
The odd colors and angles to it.
My shadow chasing me around in a circle.
Please.
Wow! Look at this.
Lots, huh? Yeah.
I'll say.
I have something I want you to see.
Wow.
Oh.
What do you think? It's, uh For you.
Well, Gillis, it's beautiful but I don't know where I'd wear something like this.
I got this with you in mind, Maggie and you'd better take it because I won't sell it to anyone else.
So what do you say? We nip in the waist a little and what about the sleeves? Well Up a half an inch, same with the hem, right? Well, I guess.
You know, I was right.
About what? The gold in this print perfectly matches the highlights in your hair.
Hmm.
Gillis, you're so transparent.
But I'll take the dress.
Get the door, Marilyn, would you? Patient? Oh.
Ed.
Ed? Hey, what happened to Ed? He says he twisted something on the give-and-go.
Sit, sit, hop up.
It's this one.
I didn't hear anything pop so it's my suspicion it's malingering.
You just yell if anything hurts, okay? I don't think malingering's an injury, Maurice.
No, but it's what you do if you're too candy-assed to take it to the hole.
Huh? Take it to the hole, Joel.
A rite of athletic passage whereby the player with the basketball braves his opponents' knees, elbows and other angular extremities in an attempt to score for his team.
Yes, I know what taking it to the hole is, Maurice.
I'm from New York.
What's that supposed to mean? Well, it means that when you grow up in Queens and your uncle Al Fleischman went to junior high with Red Holzman that's the Red Holzman of the hallowed New York Knickerbockers and you got to shake that deity's hand after game five of the 1970 champion series with the Lakers and you thereafter memorize every play the Knicks ever made and you were team manager four consecutive summers in a row at Camp Indian Head- Yes, yes, Maurice.
You know what taking it to the hole is.
I didn't know you Jewish people were tall enough to care about basketball.
It's a slight hyperextension, Ed.
We'll get you a pack of ice, please and you'll be fine by tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, I care, all right.
Now, I may not be able to sink a turnaround fall-away jumper.
I may not be able to sink two free throws in a row, but I know roundball.
I know it inside and out.
I'm a New Yorker.
That means I can tell you a box-and-one from a diamond-and-one.
I can tell a guard-guard, split-off post maneuver from a low-post screen maneuver.
No, I may play golf, but I know basketball.
You seem mighty feisty today, Joel.
I am, Maurice, I am.
I mean, in this season of extended sunshine this long day's journey into night, I haven't been to bed.
I don't miss it at all.
I have a clarity of thought and a reservoir of energy.
I mean, it won't quit.
Not to mention a libido that's been re-ignited after a period of time that led to despair for it returning altogether.
Yeah.
Feisty, Maurice? I'm a grizzly looking for action.
I'm-I'm a ram looking for a head to butt.
Uh-uh, Joel.
No.
Do you know what you are? What? You are our new basketball coach.
Hey, congratulations, Dr.
Fleischman.
Yeah.
An observation: for the past few days yours truly has been draped in uncharacteristic negativity.
But now, the curtain has been lifted and the person pulling the cords is none other than Dr.
Joel Fleischman.
I can assure all you Cicelians that our man of the caduceus knows his way around a crossover drive and a no-dribble fast break.
So we are twice-blessed, ladies and gentlemen.
Joel Fleischman, doctor and mentor.
Joel, I just want to thank you for your enthusiasm and all the energy you're putting into the Cicelian Quarks and an additional nod to Gillis Toomey who returned to Cicely after a much too long absence.
I love my Geoffrey Beene, Gillis.
Bernardo, take it away.
All right.
For those of you in the market for a new fall wardrobe or just looking to accessorize Gillis's extensive selection can be found parked behind Ruth-Anne's store.
Now, for the gentlemen, timeless single and double-breasted suits and jackets with darted front for soft drape.
And for the ladies, eye-catching coatdresses elegantly enhanced by basket weave buttons and mock pocket flaps.
Ooh! And, Bernardo? All machine-washable.
Browse, ladies and gentlemen, it's good for the soul.
Here you are, Dr.
Fleischman.
Six-egg Denver, double home fries.
What's that? Huh? All that squiggly stuff you're drawing? This is my two-three zone.
See? As the ball is passed from one to three X- three temporarily holds until X-one can get there, then releases back.
X- four plays in line with the ball and the hoop.
X - two plays in line with the ball and midpoint of the foul line.
X - four plays in line with the ball and the corner opposite the ball.
Is there gonna be enough room for us to do our cheers? Absolutely.
Look, I never underestimate the importance of morale.
Neato.
Wonderful game.
Sure is.
The best.
Perfect sport for Alaska.
Indoors.
Played all year round.
Couldn't agree with you more.
You're the new doctor, eh? Well, not new.
I mean, I guess almost new.
Nice that you're helping with the team.
But, uh I'm 5,000 miles from the place of my birth.
I am 5,000 miles from Nadine, Herb, and Grandma Fleischman and still one measly tsk can stop me cold.
That's odd, isn't it? The stopping power of such a miniscule onomatopoeia.
I've often thought there's a phenomenon at work in the universe.
Like a kind of Jewish law of motion and for every yippee that we utter there's like an equal and opposite tsk that just cancels it out.
You are a helluva fast talker.
So I am.
Is that why you tsked me? Well, more because of how you look.
You seem charged up, stuck in overdrive.
May I offer a theory? You're the guy selling the clothes, right? Yep.
I've been thinking about this wool blend, double-breasted blazer.
You got anything like that in your inventory? You do.
Mmm-hmm.
Navy with center back vent.
Theorize your brains out.
You are light-loony, sun-silly.
Come again? All this light with no dark's got your clock bonkers.
It happens with new folks up this way.
Sometimes the first spring, sometimes the second or third.
It'll hit them, and they won't know when to quit.
Yes.
Well, sir, as a doctor, I'm certainly aware of the fact that prolonged exposure to light can affect circadian rhythms but far from being loony, as you so colorfully put it, I'm totally in control.
Actually, I'm harnessing my energy in a way to make me an even more productive coach.
Speaking of which, duty does call.
Well, drop by my trailer, and we'll suit you up.
That was 40 regular, right? And 34 sleeve.
Got it.
Pardon me.
Express mail.
Oh, yes, Ma! Yes! Still there! Still in the old camp trunk.
Now we're unbeatable.
Yeah, here she is.
This is the baby that got the Indian Head Buffaloes through two and one half undefeated seasons until Camp Watonka.
But it's gonna work it's magic right here in Cicely.
I'm positive.
It's like a totem.
Well, yeah, I guess so.
I guess it is.
Very good, Marilyn.
I have a totem.
Thank you.
You shoot 'em! You pass 'em! You dribble down the floor! Quarks! Quarks! Score! Score! Score! Well? Shelly, I don't think I recall ever seeing anything quite so inspiring in my life.
Too many leaps, not enough splits? Not at all.
I'd say you've got the ideal number of leaps and splits.
I particularly like that high kicky thing you do at the end.
That's a Carpenter maneuver.
A what? Alyssa Carpenter.
She was the head cannoneer for the Calgary Cannons in 1987.
I watched her 'cause they showed a contest for best squad in Alberta on cable.
Milky skin, eensy waist extreme enthusiasm without being fakey.
And she had what us girls used to call that je ne sais something which meant the audience couldn't take their eyes off her.
Shel, you have got that in spades.
I know, but you still have to shoot for perfection and that was Alyssa Carpenter.
I wonder what ever happened to her.
Sure hope she didn't turn out to be some big, old, fat married brontosaurus.
Well, shower time.
Shel? Yeah, babe? You think you could do that oopa-laka thing for me one more time? Huh? O'Connell? What? O'Connell, where are you? O'Connell? Fleischman, what are you doing? What do you think? What are you doing? Emergency.
I got an emergency down at that palace you're renting me.
This isn't about sex, is it? No.
It better not be.
I said it was an emergency.
What? Termites.
Termites? Termites.
Fleischman, there's no such thing as a termite emergency.
Depends where you're sitting.
If you're trying to diagram plays and tiny balls of excreted cellulose keep dropping down on your chalkboard, obscuring your X's and O's it's an emergency.
And what am I supposed to do about termites at 12:00 midnight? Well, haven't you got a spray? Bug bomb? I mean, I'm running pick and rolls.
The guys need me.
Fleischman, are you all right? Yeah, great.
Well, you know, Fleischman, I know you're compulsive but this is bizarre, even for you.
What, you've been talking to Mr.
Toomey you think I'm succumbing to sun sickness? Yes.
What you and that haberdasher fail to factor into your diagnosis is the jolt of adrenaline I'm getting from running a basketball team.
I mean, that's the real compulsion, that's the real rush.
Hell, O'Connell, in just four short days I have molded a rag-tag group of dispirited men into a veritable fighting machine.
Fleischman, when did you sleep last? I don't know.
I got a couple of catnaps, I think.
Did I show you my whistle? Very nice.
O'Connell, I know I've broached this and at the risk of seeming incredibly redundant I'd like to reiterate that I have been extremely sexually needful lately.
That's it.
Fleischman, you said you weren't gonna bring that up.
I wasn't.
Out, out! No.
Until I saw how fabulous you look like this incredibly voluptuous Out! sweatpant-clad wood nymph.
Out! Good night.
Get sleep.
I have a bottle of apricot brandy - No.
Perhaps I could bring it over.
No.
Okay, all right.
Good night.
Good night.
You dress to the right or the left? The right.
Break? No.
No.
I've always avoided a break in my trousers.
It looks untidy in business wear.
It's as if a man didn't care enough to find out how long his legs are.
Interesting.
So, Gillis how are you enjoying your stay in Cicely? Oh, very much.
Cicely's even more beautiful than I had remembered.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
Of course, I can't take credit for the mountains or the lakes but I take no small amount of pride in how my little community's faring.
All and all, it's a very happy place.
Well, I've always felt welcome here.
Gillis, can I speak to you as a businessman to businessman? Of course.
Go ahead.
Well, I've had this little idea rattling around in my head.
I thought I'd run it past you.
What is your assessment of our young Dr.
Fleischman? Well, he seems bright enough and there's a dam full of energy pouring out of him.
Positive energy, wouldn't you say? Oh, yes.
Though I'd say it was largely due to the season.
That's exactly my point.
If you had known him when he first came here, you'd say to yourself "Here is a class A, number one certified malcontent.
" But here he is, alert, alive, happy.
Well, good for him.
And it's all because of this sunlight.
You're not planning on selling sunlight, are you, Maurice? Gillis, do you have any idea how many clinically depressed people there are in the world? In the United States alone as clinically depressed.
That's five million people moping around.
Five million! Now wouldn't it be wonderful if we could get some of this northern light magic to some of those benighted souls? Light therapy? Yeah.
Yeah.
You give them a good dose, perk 'em right up.
Well, you know, there's a lot of sunlight in Sweden and those folks are shooting themselves to beat the band.
Well, that's because they're stuck there when the days get short.
We would take our imported nutcases and ship 'em back to the lower 48 in the wintertime and make us a bundle in the process! "Cicely, Alaska.
" "God's health spa.
" Rebound! Rebound! Push it down court.
Let's go! Look for the open man! Right side! All right! Let's do some three-man weaves! No dribble.
Let's go, guys.
Come on! I'm too tired to weave, Dr.
Fleischman.
Coach, Ed, call me coach.
Right, coach.
Right.
I gotta go home now, Coach Fleischman.
Why? I have things to do.
Like what? Sleep and eat, and things like that.
You know, it's 10:30, Joel.
You know, we're a little tired.
We got lives.
I guess.
Yeah.
But we're looking pretty good now, though, huh? Well, you are looking better.
You are definitely looking better.
And we're almost ready for you and Chris to try an alley-oop but this takes timing.
You guys think you can handle that? Absolutely.
Can we go now, Coach? Well, I really wanna get in a few more weaves.
What do you say? A few more? Come on, guys.
I feel nauseous.
Okay, okay.
Hit the showers.
Don't forget the playbooks I made up.
Study, gentlemen, study! Basketball is a game played in the head.
In the noggin.
Hey, wait up! Marty Friedman said that, about playing in your head.
He was assistant camp director at Indian Head for my entire time there.
A very precocious and subtle basketball mind.
Became an investment banker.
Two points.
Something happened to him in the Boesky-Milken thing.
I can't remember what it was.
Rotation.
Excuse me? Rotation.
On your release, you want a scoach more backspin, okay? Try to let the ball roll almost to your fingertips before you let it go.
All right.
Parking.
What? Parking.
That's what Marty did.
He kept stock in his account for somebody else.
Violating the securities laws.
Hey, Joel, you got a sec? Hey, I've got all day.
You know how long that is.
Yeah.
Well, you know listen, I think I speak on behalf of all the Quarks when I say that you know, we really appreciate all the time and the energy that you're putting into this thing.
Hey, say no more.
I enjoy it.
Well, that's the thing, you know.
It's the self-actualization kind of trip you're on, you know and I see all the pleasure you seem to be deriving out of this.
I'm just What? I'm a little concerned.
Concerned because? Because, I've seen this before, you know? I hate to use this term, but it's a syndrome where an individual becomes completely enraptured in the ever-present sunlight Hey, man, they go and go and go until they burn out.
Yeah, like a moth to the flame.
Like a moth to the flame.
Thank you, man.
They just run and run and then zoom.
Man, they are out for a week.
Well, I'm not some transfixed insect, I can assure you.
And as for folding up, I'm certain I'd be sensitive to preliminary symptoms of exhaustion or hyperkinesis but they're just not here.
I mean, they're not there.
Absolutely not there.
And besides, I grab these catnaps every once in a while and they're very, very restful.
Look at that.
Look at this.
What? What? Someone left their playbook.
Can you believe it? This isn't just laziness this is potentially a devastating breach of security.
Men! Men! I want to show you how disasters get started! Can you imagine what would happen if this playbook fell in the wrong hands? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying our nation is consumed by lethargy or enamored of the status quo but why not ask a few hard questions of our legislators? For instance, why, sirs, is it engraved in steel that baseball is our national pastime? Now I understand the need to perpetuate exemptions from our antitrust laws.
I mean, it serves the selfish interests of a few Steinbrenner-ish elitists but why should hundreds of millions of citizens be deprived of a new and better candidate? The answer my friends, basketball! That's the true American sport.
Oh, and I'm not saying that baseball doesn't have a claim on our collective psyche.
After all, it had a half-century jump on basketball which was invented in 1891 by James Naismith in Springfield, Mass site of the Basketball Hall of Fame, which you should all visit as I did with my uncle Nat and cousin Lennie when I was 14 and loved it.
Hey, did I mention that baseball is sneaky? Yeah, very sneaky.
See, 'cause it uses poetry to invade our brains and stick to the walls of our unconscious.
You take Casey at the Bat.
Clever advertising campaign disguised as harmless doggerel.
Well, how is basketball supposed to fight such folksy appeal to the hearts and minds of the American people? Well, up till last night, it couldn't.
But now, there is a new weapon.
If I may, I would like to recite a few words written at midnight last night.
Herewith, a sample of an epic to come.
"And so the rubber spheroid arced beneath the brilliant lights "headed for a hoop of dreams "he'd dreamt of all those nights.
"The crowd gasped as the ball descended.
"Would it grant their fondest wish? "There was no doubt in Casey's mind.
"He knew it was a swish!" I just got out of the ladies, Holling.
We're looking at a TP emergency in a few more flushes.
Shelly? Yeah, babe? Oh, I've been feeling well, a bit edgy.
You aren't sick, are you? No.
No.
Not at all.
I was just thinking it might be nice you know, since I'm feeling the way I do and all Yeah? that we might just take a little break.
Break? The joint's jumping, Holling.
I got six orders up right now.
Dave can serve them.
And we'll just sneak away for a few minutes.
You can put on your little pompom outfit, give a cheer and then we'll just let nature take its course.
One of my cheers? Yes, ma'am.
Is that what you think cheering is all about, Holling? Nookie? Huh? Do you? Well You think I'm doing this just for a turn on? That I'm some buffed-out chick who just happens to like dressing up in an awesome outfit and shaking her heinie? Huh? Well? Shelly, honey.
Here's a flash, okay? I'm doing something important, okay? When those dorks from Sleetmute come into that gym they're gonna see a team with fire in their eyes and "winner" written all over them.
And you know why? 'Cause me and my girls are gonna stoke up the Quarks till they can spit through walls.
My uniform stands for something, okay? It stands for P-R-I-D-E.
Pride.
I'm thinking about Cicely, mister and all you can think about is swapping skin.
You're awfully quiet, Gillis.
Was I? Uh-huh.
Well, yes, I suppose I was.
Sorry.
Oh, don't be.
It's pleasant to just sit and contemplate.
Believe me, the older you get the more there is to contemplate.
What were you thinking about? This.
What we're doing right now.
Taking the time to settle back and watch the birds.
I haven't done much of that.
Seems I'm always on the go.
Been selling since I was 15, you know? But it's been a great life.
I have seen some things, Ruth-Anne.
Craters filled with steam at Katmai.
McKinley poking through the clouds.
I remember one time I was up at Cape Lisburne this time of year.
Took a walk at midnight and saw a rainbow.
A rainbow with the richest, deepest colors I have ever seen.
As if I could put my hand into it my fingers would come out wet with paint.
Oh, my! You know, I envy you, Gillis.
Maybe I just came up late in life or maybe I was just lazy but I've never ventured out really.
I just pretty much stayed in Cicely after I got here.
Well, that's the thing! We're both lucky.
I've been out there and seen what's there and compared.
You landed in the perfect spot right out of the box.
Now don't get me wrong.
It was worth seeing what I've seen.
Mmm-hmm.
But there were times when I wish I had someone to talk to someone to share it all with.
Sure.
But I never met her.
It's the life, I guess.
You load up, you sell, move on.
Never any time to settle in.
It's the home cooking you miss.
Or maybe it's the home.
Oh, you see that? Not yet.
Over there.
Top of that squat spruce with the snapped branch.
Oh, yes.
A hoary redpoll.
She's a mama.
See the nest.
Uh-huh.
What a lovely song.
Ah, yes.
Ruth-Anne.
Yes? Have you decided on a dress yet? I'm partial to the pink shirtwaist.
Perfect.
Sets off the sparkle in your eyes.
It's true.
I swear it's true.
Into the middle.
Into the middle! To the old man.
Yes! Yes! good.
All right.
Yeah.
Oh! Ed, kill the film, please.
Thank you.
Chris, what was the error? Didn't box out.
Didn't get in the ready rebound position, sir! Yes! Next time you're in that situation, you power up grab the ball and let go with your outlet pass to Ed or Dave.
Who are? Already headed up court.
Yes! Ed, I love these game films.
Yeah.
You know, I was only a towel guy last year so I thought I'd shoot them.
I never dreamed they'd become our tool to victory.
Hey, it's fate.
When your time comes to conquer everything comes your way! Yes! Gentlemen, gentlemen, you ready for tomorrow night? It's a lock-out, Maurice.
With Joel's coaching and our attitude they're gonna have to hose Sleetmute's blood off the gym walls.
Right, fellas? Yeah! That's the old Cicely attitude.
Joel, could I speak to you for a few minutes? Yeah.
Guys, why don't you head over to the gym.
Chris, you lead some three-man weaves.
And Bernie, you work on those dribbles.
All right! Come on, team.
All right.
Let's go! Come on! Come on! Let's go! So how you feeling, my friend? Superb.
Tremendously energized.
I mean, a slight buzz from lack of sustained sleep, but confident.
Hey, do you remember the Saint Crispin's day speech from Henry V? "And gentlemen in England now abed "shall think themselves accursed they were not here.
" "And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us "upon Saint Crispin's day.
" Gets the blood flowing, doesn't it? Without a doubt.
Well, I thought, since I haven't finished Casey at the Hoop that I might read the speech to the men for inspiration.
Oh, that's a hell of an idea.
Joel.
Yeah? As a native New Yorker what's your estimate of the number of the depressives in your hometown? Pretty much everyone.
Except maybe Howard Stern, but he's probably faking it.
So Then you'd You'd estimate a sizeable contingent, right? Absolutely.
What's this about, Maurice? I see Cicely as a Mecca for those troubled souls.
I think our sunlight can do for those gloomy-Gus New Yorkers exactly what it did for you.
If you could see your way clear to use your contacts to talk up Cicely in your hometown I think our wallets might be able to scratch each other a little bit.
You know what I think? I think that's an excellent idea.
Extremely entrepreneurial, with just a touch of crass opportunism.
I like it.
And with your newfound energy you'd make an excellent spokesman.
Yeah, well, I mean.
I'm no Pat Riley but I do seem to have a flair for motivating people.
Actually, why am I being so self-deprecating? Could Pat Riley have pulled off this transformation? I mean, could he? Could Pat Riley have turned athletic dross into slam-dunking gold? You know what I think? No way.
Attaboy, Fleischman.
Hey, what do you think about this for a slogan? "Let Cicely light up your life.
" Good, huh? Absolutely, positively brilliant.
Oh, yeah.
"Let Cicely light up your life.
" Hi, Shelly.
Gillis, I need a dress.
Oh? Any particular style? I don't know.
You got a muumuu? Or one of those tent dresses? Something loose-fitting, about a size 6? Mmm-hmm.
You know, I think I do have something in the truck.
I'll be right back.
You, a muumuu? Anything without a shape! The longer the better! Coming right up.
What do you think? Boss.
That's all Holling wants anymore.
What? A cheerleader.
The little, short skirt, tight sweater, ankle socks.
Maybe the hem should come up just a little.
What, Holling gets a charge off seeing you in your uniform? It's like waving a red flag in front of a bull.
Men.
Yeah.
It's all unfocused, non-personal lust.
Maybe a hat? Only one thing on their one-track mind.
Yep.
The big bamboo.
You betcha.
You know, with a little sleep deprivation men'll go to bed with just about anybody.
Even women they're indifferent to, if not even hostile.
It's objectification.
Right! What? He's objectifying you.
You know, it's all the same thing, really.
a clothes fetish.
A what? A fetish.
I mean, your outfit turns Holling on.
Some men are into that, you know, waitresses, nurses, forest rangers.
Huh.
It's always surface, never substance.
You know, and you have to ask yourself, Shelly, what is wrong with men? I mean, what is at the core of their deficiency? Why can't they be attracted to women who are intelligent and focused and competent? Maybe gloves.
Maurice! What's the matter with you? It's Dr.
Fleischman.
What about him? He hit the wall.
Okay.
Come on.
Get out of the way, come on.
Joel? Joel? Ain't gonna happen, Maurice.
We've tried everything.
Stood him up, walked him around, yelled at him.
Everything.
Yeah.
I put an ice cube in his ear.
He didn't even flinch.
Hey! See.
This man's comatose.
The big sleep.
Yeah.
He might not come out of it for days.
till game time.
Looks bad.
Well, this is just great.
I had big plans for this man.
He was a walking testimony to the benefits of Cicely's light.
Now look at him, pathetic.
So much for curing depression.
I'm depressed.
I hope I'm not boring the skin off you with my stories.
They've just come flowing out of me lately.
Certainly not.
There are times when you're talking about places you've been or people you've met I swear, I'm right there with you.
What a pleasant thought.
My! You take my breath away.
It's the dress.
No.
The dress just sets the stage.
You mind if I suggest something to go along with this? Of course.
Gillis.
Well, I hope you're not too surprised, Ruth-Anne.
I've been wanting to kiss you for a long time and now it just seemed to be, well, the perfect occasion.
Gillis, I am surprised and confused.
This dress, your kiss.
I feel that I've been invited to a dance and I don't know where it is, or even what it's for.
Well I was hoping it was for our wedding.
Oh.
You see, when I came back to Cicely this time I thought I was drawn by the beauty of the drive or maybe by the light.
But when I saw you, I knew what the real reason was.
I came back to be part of your life and to have you be part of mine.
I know there's a difference in our ages but if that's not a problem, I hope you'll have me.
Gillis, you're a romantic.
Well, yes, I guess I am.
It would never work.
Why? Because you are a romantic.
You'd be disappointed.
Romantics are always disappointed by marriage.
That would never happen to me if I were with you.
Exactly what a romantic would say.
It would happen to you, Gillis, especially to you.
Traveling is what you do.
It's who you are.
In six months, or a year, Cicely would start to seem very tired.
And you'd be looking to set out again.
Ruth-Anne Besides I'm 75 and I've been alone for quite some time.
I like it.
Well, I've been in business long enough to recognize sales resistance when I see it.
This would've made a lovely wedding dress.
We'll think of an occasion.
When you add it all up, it comes down to Shelly Tambo doesn't wanna be just some halter top.
I wanna be appreciated for all the other things that I am.
Now maybe putting my foot down and saying no to the cheerleading thing wasn't too smart I mean, if you listen to the sex expert dudes and whoever.
But I just figured it was time to get back to being me again.
I hope you're not too ticked off, Holling? I hope doing it without the pompoms wasn't such a bummer you never wanna do it again.
Was it? Was it so terrible? Huh? Marilyn? Marilyn! I must have dozed off.
Sorry.
That's okay.
Good, good, good.
I still have time to get to the game.
I've had my Z's, ready to go.
It's too late.
Too late? The game's over.
Over? Uh-huh.
What do you mean? It's 11:00.
It's Tuesday.
Tuesday? You've been asleep for three days.
Is that right? Mmm-hmm.
Hey, Coach Fleischman! Guys.
Joel.
I feel terrible.
I am so sorry.
Just tell me how I can make it up to you? Make what up? All that hard work, all those hopes.
Your hour of need, where am I? I let you down.
Forget it.
Forget it? Mmm-hmm.
Yeah.
It ain't no problem.
How can I forget it? You must be in shock.
I mean, denial mixed with depression, that sort of thing.
No way.
We scored 24 points.
They scored 89.
That sounds like a problem to me.
Well, it's all how you look at it.
We scored twice as many points as last year, buddy.
Twice? Uh-huh.
We're on a roll.
So we did good? Yes! Thanks to you.
How was your nap? Long.
Good.
Well, all right.
Great.
Here's to next season.
Next season, we beat them.
Who would've thought such a slight tilt in our earthly axis could make such a big difference in our lives.
But the big wheel keeps on turning and here we are again looking in the sweet face of darkness.
"Now the day is over, night is drawing nigh.
"Shadows of the evening steal across the sky.
" A KBHR caution to all our loyal listeners.
You know, tonight marks the end of our collective midsummer night's dream.
So get those pupils ready to dilate 'cause for the first time in a long time our constant companion, old Sol, is about to go on a quickie vacation.
A short dip beneath the horizon a junket to whichever Club Med accommodates medium-size stars.
So while he's gone, I want you to be alert, be careful and please, please, please, three times please, use those headlights.
Hey, babe.
Fun party, huh? Yeah.
Hey, Fleischman.
Hey.
How are you? You look festive.
Thanks.
What's going on? Um, Ruth-Anne's throwing a party for Gillis.
He's leaving tomorrow.
How do I look? What do you mean? I mean, you look like you always look.
That's it? Well, the dress is nice, if that's what you mean.
Fleischman, three days ago you were saying how magnificent I looked.
At least, I think that's what you were saying because you were panting and drooling at the time.
Panting and drooling, huh? I have witnesses.
Look, O'Connell, let me explain something to you about sleep deprivation, okay.
They use it to brainwash people.
It makes them crazy.
Malleable, willing to do things they would never do in a more rested frame of mind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, I'll show you the literature.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Beer, please.
Hello, Dr.
Fleischman.
Glad you could make it.
Well, frankly, Ed, I checked my copy of Things to do in Cicely and guess what? Placido Domingo and the company of Turandot have decided to skip our fair metropolis so here I am.
Well, good.
This is a fine affair, Ruth-Anne.
Thank you again.
I hope you come back sooner next time.
I surely will.
Look at all these wonderful customers.
And who knows? Maybe next time I'll catch you when your resistance is low.
Would you care to dance? I'd love to.
Nobody? You sure? Uh-huh.
Boy, I tell you, things are slow.
They're absolutely slow.
I mean, not that I want people to be ill.
That would be a flagrant violation of the letter and spirit of my Hippocratic oath.
Unprofessional, to say the least.
But it does seem strange that there aren't any patients, doesn't it? I mean, curiosity is my only motivation for wanting to know why there aren't any patients.
And I'd like to know why there hasn't been any and this is only an estimate in, I would say, hours.
We're not open yet.
Not open yet? How can that be? What time is it? It's 8:00.
In the morning? Uh-huh.
Wait a minute.
It's tomorrow? Uh-huh.
It's amazing.
I missed last night.
There wasn't any.
There wasn't? It's the midnight sun.
Of course.
Right.
No sunset.
Just glorious light Marilyn, I didn't sleep a wink, right yet I sailed right through.
I have absolutely no sense whatever of any kind of deprivation.
I am alert.
I am energized.
Tidy.
Tidy, yes.
And exceptionally- What? Horny.
Hey! There you are! Hey, Ed.
Hey, guys.
Look what I found.
Oh.
Where was it? Well, I'm not sure.
But that's the good thing about round things.
They can always roll back from where they've been.
Well, we got no excuse now.
We gotta play.
Why do I keep coming up for this? Same reason stumblebums keep getting back in the ring.
We're obviously gluttons for punishment.
Hey, you guys look seriously bummed.
But don't fret.
Me and the girls are gonna work up some killer cheers to get you psyched.
Well, I'm sure that the team appreciates your good attitude, Shelly but like old Bob Dylan said "A hard rain's gonna fall.
" He wouldn't have said that if he'd seen our cheers.
Carbo-loading, gentlemen? Excellent idea.
A good dietary regimen guarantees a leg up on those sumbees from Sleetmute.
I don't think flapjacks are gonna do the job, Maurice.
There it is, again.
That can't-do spirit.
See, Chris? All those downer vibes are catching.
When I was with Wayne, you know, in the Seals anyone got bummed, Wayne would take him out behind the rink and tell him how lucky they were just to be skating for the team.
I mean, come on! Saskatoon's finest.
And if they still didn't get with the program he'd whip their butt something fierce.
Now let's see those smiles! Shelly, could I have a lemonade, please? Okay.
# You gotta shave it and sink it # # And score, score, score ## Shelly? Yeah, babe? I, uh Holling, are you zonked, or what? Well, I guess maybe I have been a little distracted lately.
Tell me about it.
Dave told me you locked him in the freezer this morning.
You better get your act together.
I mean, Holling, you keep this up you're gonna walk into a wall or something.
Not to mention Dave's getting real hinky about going back for ice.
What? Have I got mustard on me, or something? It's your outfit, Shelly.
Those tassels and fringes and those bitsy fuzzballs at the ends of your shoelaces it makes me feel awful I guess the only word for it is: aroused.
That's bitching, babe.
But if my uni's got your brain so bent maybe I shouldn't wear it until I get to practice.
Oh, Shelly, honey, honest.
There is no need to change.
You sure? Well, okay.
O'Connell, hey! Let me help you out.
What? I want to help you, ease the load, share the burden.
What? Well, it's just that your helping me is so Uh-huh? totally unlike you.
I mean, it's completely out of character.
It just makes me wonder- If I have an ulterior motive, is that it? If there's some craven agenda lurking beneath my neighborliness? Huh? Yes.
O'Connell, O'Connell, why must you be so suspicious? Why must you always search for the asp among the lilies? Oh, experience, conditioning, that sort of thing.
Well, search no more, O'Connell 'cause what you see is what you get.
You know, this is extremely fortunate stuff.
Excuse me? These letters.
Now they come from every smog-choked, overpopulated neurosis-generating city on the globe.
And now look, they found their destination.
This clean, woodsy jewel, this sceptered isle this England.
Come again? Hey, you smell great, you know that? Fleischman, what's going on? Going on? Yeah.
I mean, it's like you had this complete change of disposition.
It's so, uh Sunny? Yeah.
I mean, what happened to that Fleischman angst? That scowl that's always across your face? Where's Dr.
Dismal? I love how open you are.
No dissimulation, no disingenuousness.
No, really.
What are you wearing? It's something like vaguely citrus with an overlay of attar of roses? Attaway, young man! Get that good, fresh air into those pink lungs! Yeah! Fleischman, did you get hit in the head or something? How could I not have seen the exquisiteness of this place before? Suddenly, it's like I'm seeing beyond the shadows, beyond the visual spectrum.
And what do I see? I see I see things I never appreciated before.
The essences of Cicely.
Nature and balance.
Truth.
I love this place! Well, thanks a lot, Fleischman.
It's been a very enlightening conversation.
My pleasure.
Would you like to have sex with me? No.
See.
There it is again.
That wonderful Cicely directness.
I love it.
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
Hey! Hey, doc! How're you doing? Good.
What a day, huh? Yeah.
Man, I just had the weirdest conversation with Fleischman.
He does seem pretty cheerful, doesn't he? Yeah.
Oatmeal cookie? Oh, yes.
That sounds great.
I found some wild checkerberries and put them in.
Mmm.
You know, I'm not much on baking but with the days so long I've got so much time to kill after I close up.
I've even taken to bird watching.
And last night, at 1:00 in the morning, I saw a snow bunting.
Mmm.
Believe me, I was thrilled.
Snow bunting? Damn rare bird.
Gillis! Gillis Toomey.
Speaking of rare birds.
How long has it been, Ruth-Anne? Oh, it's got to be two years.
More.
That mackinaw you sold me, it's at least three years old.
Well, it's been too long.
But time has been gracious to you two.
You're looking well yourself, Gillis.
Have a cookie? Yes, don't mind if I do.
Just baked them.
Hmm.
Where's your rig? It's out back.
I made quite a few purchases when I was in Juneau and I'm full-up with new stock.
Would you ladies like to see? Oh, I'd love to.
Mmm, mmm, Ruth-Anne.
The only word for this is heavenly.
I've got to sort all this mail, Gillis.
Would it be all right if I came out later? Anytime would please me.
Oh, okay.
Uh one more for the road? You haven't changed a bit, have you? If it ain't broke why the hell fix it? Shall we? Yeah.
Let's go.
It's a pleasure to be back.
Hey! You should've come back sooner.
You're right.
I should've.
I guess I just got stuck in a routine down south.
You know, sell and drive.
Drive and sell.
But I felt like I was staying too close to the barn.
And then somehow, this year the extra sunlight called me further north, and I thought "Wouldn't it be nice to make the trip on up to Cicely?" The midnight sun is such a joy to drive in.
The odd colors and angles to it.
My shadow chasing me around in a circle.
Please.
Wow! Look at this.
Lots, huh? Yeah.
I'll say.
I have something I want you to see.
Wow.
Oh.
What do you think? It's, uh For you.
Well, Gillis, it's beautiful but I don't know where I'd wear something like this.
I got this with you in mind, Maggie and you'd better take it because I won't sell it to anyone else.
So what do you say? We nip in the waist a little and what about the sleeves? Well Up a half an inch, same with the hem, right? Well, I guess.
You know, I was right.
About what? The gold in this print perfectly matches the highlights in your hair.
Hmm.
Gillis, you're so transparent.
But I'll take the dress.
Get the door, Marilyn, would you? Patient? Oh.
Ed.
Ed? Hey, what happened to Ed? He says he twisted something on the give-and-go.
Sit, sit, hop up.
It's this one.
I didn't hear anything pop so it's my suspicion it's malingering.
You just yell if anything hurts, okay? I don't think malingering's an injury, Maurice.
No, but it's what you do if you're too candy-assed to take it to the hole.
Huh? Take it to the hole, Joel.
A rite of athletic passage whereby the player with the basketball braves his opponents' knees, elbows and other angular extremities in an attempt to score for his team.
Yes, I know what taking it to the hole is, Maurice.
I'm from New York.
What's that supposed to mean? Well, it means that when you grow up in Queens and your uncle Al Fleischman went to junior high with Red Holzman that's the Red Holzman of the hallowed New York Knickerbockers and you got to shake that deity's hand after game five of the 1970 champion series with the Lakers and you thereafter memorize every play the Knicks ever made and you were team manager four consecutive summers in a row at Camp Indian Head- Yes, yes, Maurice.
You know what taking it to the hole is.
I didn't know you Jewish people were tall enough to care about basketball.
It's a slight hyperextension, Ed.
We'll get you a pack of ice, please and you'll be fine by tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, I care, all right.
Now, I may not be able to sink a turnaround fall-away jumper.
I may not be able to sink two free throws in a row, but I know roundball.
I know it inside and out.
I'm a New Yorker.
That means I can tell you a box-and-one from a diamond-and-one.
I can tell a guard-guard, split-off post maneuver from a low-post screen maneuver.
No, I may play golf, but I know basketball.
You seem mighty feisty today, Joel.
I am, Maurice, I am.
I mean, in this season of extended sunshine this long day's journey into night, I haven't been to bed.
I don't miss it at all.
I have a clarity of thought and a reservoir of energy.
I mean, it won't quit.
Not to mention a libido that's been re-ignited after a period of time that led to despair for it returning altogether.
Yeah.
Feisty, Maurice? I'm a grizzly looking for action.
I'm-I'm a ram looking for a head to butt.
Uh-uh, Joel.
No.
Do you know what you are? What? You are our new basketball coach.
Hey, congratulations, Dr.
Fleischman.
Yeah.
An observation: for the past few days yours truly has been draped in uncharacteristic negativity.
But now, the curtain has been lifted and the person pulling the cords is none other than Dr.
Joel Fleischman.
I can assure all you Cicelians that our man of the caduceus knows his way around a crossover drive and a no-dribble fast break.
So we are twice-blessed, ladies and gentlemen.
Joel Fleischman, doctor and mentor.
Joel, I just want to thank you for your enthusiasm and all the energy you're putting into the Cicelian Quarks and an additional nod to Gillis Toomey who returned to Cicely after a much too long absence.
I love my Geoffrey Beene, Gillis.
Bernardo, take it away.
All right.
For those of you in the market for a new fall wardrobe or just looking to accessorize Gillis's extensive selection can be found parked behind Ruth-Anne's store.
Now, for the gentlemen, timeless single and double-breasted suits and jackets with darted front for soft drape.
And for the ladies, eye-catching coatdresses elegantly enhanced by basket weave buttons and mock pocket flaps.
Ooh! And, Bernardo? All machine-washable.
Browse, ladies and gentlemen, it's good for the soul.
Here you are, Dr.
Fleischman.
Six-egg Denver, double home fries.
What's that? Huh? All that squiggly stuff you're drawing? This is my two-three zone.
See? As the ball is passed from one to three X- three temporarily holds until X-one can get there, then releases back.
X- four plays in line with the ball and the hoop.
X - two plays in line with the ball and midpoint of the foul line.
X - four plays in line with the ball and the corner opposite the ball.
Is there gonna be enough room for us to do our cheers? Absolutely.
Look, I never underestimate the importance of morale.
Neato.
Wonderful game.
Sure is.
The best.
Perfect sport for Alaska.
Indoors.
Played all year round.
Couldn't agree with you more.
You're the new doctor, eh? Well, not new.
I mean, I guess almost new.
Nice that you're helping with the team.
But, uh I'm 5,000 miles from the place of my birth.
I am 5,000 miles from Nadine, Herb, and Grandma Fleischman and still one measly tsk can stop me cold.
That's odd, isn't it? The stopping power of such a miniscule onomatopoeia.
I've often thought there's a phenomenon at work in the universe.
Like a kind of Jewish law of motion and for every yippee that we utter there's like an equal and opposite tsk that just cancels it out.
You are a helluva fast talker.
So I am.
Is that why you tsked me? Well, more because of how you look.
You seem charged up, stuck in overdrive.
May I offer a theory? You're the guy selling the clothes, right? Yep.
I've been thinking about this wool blend, double-breasted blazer.
You got anything like that in your inventory? You do.
Mmm-hmm.
Navy with center back vent.
Theorize your brains out.
You are light-loony, sun-silly.
Come again? All this light with no dark's got your clock bonkers.
It happens with new folks up this way.
Sometimes the first spring, sometimes the second or third.
It'll hit them, and they won't know when to quit.
Yes.
Well, sir, as a doctor, I'm certainly aware of the fact that prolonged exposure to light can affect circadian rhythms but far from being loony, as you so colorfully put it, I'm totally in control.
Actually, I'm harnessing my energy in a way to make me an even more productive coach.
Speaking of which, duty does call.
Well, drop by my trailer, and we'll suit you up.
That was 40 regular, right? And 34 sleeve.
Got it.
Pardon me.
Express mail.
Oh, yes, Ma! Yes! Still there! Still in the old camp trunk.
Now we're unbeatable.
Yeah, here she is.
This is the baby that got the Indian Head Buffaloes through two and one half undefeated seasons until Camp Watonka.
But it's gonna work it's magic right here in Cicely.
I'm positive.
It's like a totem.
Well, yeah, I guess so.
I guess it is.
Very good, Marilyn.
I have a totem.
Thank you.
You shoot 'em! You pass 'em! You dribble down the floor! Quarks! Quarks! Score! Score! Score! Well? Shelly, I don't think I recall ever seeing anything quite so inspiring in my life.
Too many leaps, not enough splits? Not at all.
I'd say you've got the ideal number of leaps and splits.
I particularly like that high kicky thing you do at the end.
That's a Carpenter maneuver.
A what? Alyssa Carpenter.
She was the head cannoneer for the Calgary Cannons in 1987.
I watched her 'cause they showed a contest for best squad in Alberta on cable.
Milky skin, eensy waist extreme enthusiasm without being fakey.
And she had what us girls used to call that je ne sais something which meant the audience couldn't take their eyes off her.
Shel, you have got that in spades.
I know, but you still have to shoot for perfection and that was Alyssa Carpenter.
I wonder what ever happened to her.
Sure hope she didn't turn out to be some big, old, fat married brontosaurus.
Well, shower time.
Shel? Yeah, babe? You think you could do that oopa-laka thing for me one more time? Huh? O'Connell? What? O'Connell, where are you? O'Connell? Fleischman, what are you doing? What do you think? What are you doing? Emergency.
I got an emergency down at that palace you're renting me.
This isn't about sex, is it? No.
It better not be.
I said it was an emergency.
What? Termites.
Termites? Termites.
Fleischman, there's no such thing as a termite emergency.
Depends where you're sitting.
If you're trying to diagram plays and tiny balls of excreted cellulose keep dropping down on your chalkboard, obscuring your X's and O's it's an emergency.
And what am I supposed to do about termites at 12:00 midnight? Well, haven't you got a spray? Bug bomb? I mean, I'm running pick and rolls.
The guys need me.
Fleischman, are you all right? Yeah, great.
Well, you know, Fleischman, I know you're compulsive but this is bizarre, even for you.
What, you've been talking to Mr.
Toomey you think I'm succumbing to sun sickness? Yes.
What you and that haberdasher fail to factor into your diagnosis is the jolt of adrenaline I'm getting from running a basketball team.
I mean, that's the real compulsion, that's the real rush.
Hell, O'Connell, in just four short days I have molded a rag-tag group of dispirited men into a veritable fighting machine.
Fleischman, when did you sleep last? I don't know.
I got a couple of catnaps, I think.
Did I show you my whistle? Very nice.
O'Connell, I know I've broached this and at the risk of seeming incredibly redundant I'd like to reiterate that I have been extremely sexually needful lately.
That's it.
Fleischman, you said you weren't gonna bring that up.
I wasn't.
Out, out! No.
Until I saw how fabulous you look like this incredibly voluptuous Out! sweatpant-clad wood nymph.
Out! Good night.
Get sleep.
I have a bottle of apricot brandy - No.
Perhaps I could bring it over.
No.
Okay, all right.
Good night.
Good night.
You dress to the right or the left? The right.
Break? No.
No.
I've always avoided a break in my trousers.
It looks untidy in business wear.
It's as if a man didn't care enough to find out how long his legs are.
Interesting.
So, Gillis how are you enjoying your stay in Cicely? Oh, very much.
Cicely's even more beautiful than I had remembered.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
Of course, I can't take credit for the mountains or the lakes but I take no small amount of pride in how my little community's faring.
All and all, it's a very happy place.
Well, I've always felt welcome here.
Gillis, can I speak to you as a businessman to businessman? Of course.
Go ahead.
Well, I've had this little idea rattling around in my head.
I thought I'd run it past you.
What is your assessment of our young Dr.
Fleischman? Well, he seems bright enough and there's a dam full of energy pouring out of him.
Positive energy, wouldn't you say? Oh, yes.
Though I'd say it was largely due to the season.
That's exactly my point.
If you had known him when he first came here, you'd say to yourself "Here is a class A, number one certified malcontent.
" But here he is, alert, alive, happy.
Well, good for him.
And it's all because of this sunlight.
You're not planning on selling sunlight, are you, Maurice? Gillis, do you have any idea how many clinically depressed people there are in the world? In the United States alone as clinically depressed.
That's five million people moping around.
Five million! Now wouldn't it be wonderful if we could get some of this northern light magic to some of those benighted souls? Light therapy? Yeah.
Yeah.
You give them a good dose, perk 'em right up.
Well, you know, there's a lot of sunlight in Sweden and those folks are shooting themselves to beat the band.
Well, that's because they're stuck there when the days get short.
We would take our imported nutcases and ship 'em back to the lower 48 in the wintertime and make us a bundle in the process! "Cicely, Alaska.
" "God's health spa.
" Rebound! Rebound! Push it down court.
Let's go! Look for the open man! Right side! All right! Let's do some three-man weaves! No dribble.
Let's go, guys.
Come on! I'm too tired to weave, Dr.
Fleischman.
Coach, Ed, call me coach.
Right, coach.
Right.
I gotta go home now, Coach Fleischman.
Why? I have things to do.
Like what? Sleep and eat, and things like that.
You know, it's 10:30, Joel.
You know, we're a little tired.
We got lives.
I guess.
Yeah.
But we're looking pretty good now, though, huh? Well, you are looking better.
You are definitely looking better.
And we're almost ready for you and Chris to try an alley-oop but this takes timing.
You guys think you can handle that? Absolutely.
Can we go now, Coach? Well, I really wanna get in a few more weaves.
What do you say? A few more? Come on, guys.
I feel nauseous.
Okay, okay.
Hit the showers.
Don't forget the playbooks I made up.
Study, gentlemen, study! Basketball is a game played in the head.
In the noggin.
Hey, wait up! Marty Friedman said that, about playing in your head.
He was assistant camp director at Indian Head for my entire time there.
A very precocious and subtle basketball mind.
Became an investment banker.
Two points.
Something happened to him in the Boesky-Milken thing.
I can't remember what it was.
Rotation.
Excuse me? Rotation.
On your release, you want a scoach more backspin, okay? Try to let the ball roll almost to your fingertips before you let it go.
All right.
Parking.
What? Parking.
That's what Marty did.
He kept stock in his account for somebody else.
Violating the securities laws.
Hey, Joel, you got a sec? Hey, I've got all day.
You know how long that is.
Yeah.
Well, you know listen, I think I speak on behalf of all the Quarks when I say that you know, we really appreciate all the time and the energy that you're putting into this thing.
Hey, say no more.
I enjoy it.
Well, that's the thing, you know.
It's the self-actualization kind of trip you're on, you know and I see all the pleasure you seem to be deriving out of this.
I'm just What? I'm a little concerned.
Concerned because? Because, I've seen this before, you know? I hate to use this term, but it's a syndrome where an individual becomes completely enraptured in the ever-present sunlight Hey, man, they go and go and go until they burn out.
Yeah, like a moth to the flame.
Like a moth to the flame.
Thank you, man.
They just run and run and then zoom.
Man, they are out for a week.
Well, I'm not some transfixed insect, I can assure you.
And as for folding up, I'm certain I'd be sensitive to preliminary symptoms of exhaustion or hyperkinesis but they're just not here.
I mean, they're not there.
Absolutely not there.
And besides, I grab these catnaps every once in a while and they're very, very restful.
Look at that.
Look at this.
What? What? Someone left their playbook.
Can you believe it? This isn't just laziness this is potentially a devastating breach of security.
Men! Men! I want to show you how disasters get started! Can you imagine what would happen if this playbook fell in the wrong hands? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying our nation is consumed by lethargy or enamored of the status quo but why not ask a few hard questions of our legislators? For instance, why, sirs, is it engraved in steel that baseball is our national pastime? Now I understand the need to perpetuate exemptions from our antitrust laws.
I mean, it serves the selfish interests of a few Steinbrenner-ish elitists but why should hundreds of millions of citizens be deprived of a new and better candidate? The answer my friends, basketball! That's the true American sport.
Oh, and I'm not saying that baseball doesn't have a claim on our collective psyche.
After all, it had a half-century jump on basketball which was invented in 1891 by James Naismith in Springfield, Mass site of the Basketball Hall of Fame, which you should all visit as I did with my uncle Nat and cousin Lennie when I was 14 and loved it.
Hey, did I mention that baseball is sneaky? Yeah, very sneaky.
See, 'cause it uses poetry to invade our brains and stick to the walls of our unconscious.
You take Casey at the Bat.
Clever advertising campaign disguised as harmless doggerel.
Well, how is basketball supposed to fight such folksy appeal to the hearts and minds of the American people? Well, up till last night, it couldn't.
But now, there is a new weapon.
If I may, I would like to recite a few words written at midnight last night.
Herewith, a sample of an epic to come.
"And so the rubber spheroid arced beneath the brilliant lights "headed for a hoop of dreams "he'd dreamt of all those nights.
"The crowd gasped as the ball descended.
"Would it grant their fondest wish? "There was no doubt in Casey's mind.
"He knew it was a swish!" I just got out of the ladies, Holling.
We're looking at a TP emergency in a few more flushes.
Shelly? Yeah, babe? Oh, I've been feeling well, a bit edgy.
You aren't sick, are you? No.
No.
Not at all.
I was just thinking it might be nice you know, since I'm feeling the way I do and all Yeah? that we might just take a little break.
Break? The joint's jumping, Holling.
I got six orders up right now.
Dave can serve them.
And we'll just sneak away for a few minutes.
You can put on your little pompom outfit, give a cheer and then we'll just let nature take its course.
One of my cheers? Yes, ma'am.
Is that what you think cheering is all about, Holling? Nookie? Huh? Do you? Well You think I'm doing this just for a turn on? That I'm some buffed-out chick who just happens to like dressing up in an awesome outfit and shaking her heinie? Huh? Well? Shelly, honey.
Here's a flash, okay? I'm doing something important, okay? When those dorks from Sleetmute come into that gym they're gonna see a team with fire in their eyes and "winner" written all over them.
And you know why? 'Cause me and my girls are gonna stoke up the Quarks till they can spit through walls.
My uniform stands for something, okay? It stands for P-R-I-D-E.
Pride.
I'm thinking about Cicely, mister and all you can think about is swapping skin.
You're awfully quiet, Gillis.
Was I? Uh-huh.
Well, yes, I suppose I was.
Sorry.
Oh, don't be.
It's pleasant to just sit and contemplate.
Believe me, the older you get the more there is to contemplate.
What were you thinking about? This.
What we're doing right now.
Taking the time to settle back and watch the birds.
I haven't done much of that.
Seems I'm always on the go.
Been selling since I was 15, you know? But it's been a great life.
I have seen some things, Ruth-Anne.
Craters filled with steam at Katmai.
McKinley poking through the clouds.
I remember one time I was up at Cape Lisburne this time of year.
Took a walk at midnight and saw a rainbow.
A rainbow with the richest, deepest colors I have ever seen.
As if I could put my hand into it my fingers would come out wet with paint.
Oh, my! You know, I envy you, Gillis.
Maybe I just came up late in life or maybe I was just lazy but I've never ventured out really.
I just pretty much stayed in Cicely after I got here.
Well, that's the thing! We're both lucky.
I've been out there and seen what's there and compared.
You landed in the perfect spot right out of the box.
Now don't get me wrong.
It was worth seeing what I've seen.
Mmm-hmm.
But there were times when I wish I had someone to talk to someone to share it all with.
Sure.
But I never met her.
It's the life, I guess.
You load up, you sell, move on.
Never any time to settle in.
It's the home cooking you miss.
Or maybe it's the home.
Oh, you see that? Not yet.
Over there.
Top of that squat spruce with the snapped branch.
Oh, yes.
A hoary redpoll.
She's a mama.
See the nest.
Uh-huh.
What a lovely song.
Ah, yes.
Ruth-Anne.
Yes? Have you decided on a dress yet? I'm partial to the pink shirtwaist.
Perfect.
Sets off the sparkle in your eyes.
It's true.
I swear it's true.
Into the middle.
Into the middle! To the old man.
Yes! Yes! good.
All right.
Yeah.
Oh! Ed, kill the film, please.
Thank you.
Chris, what was the error? Didn't box out.
Didn't get in the ready rebound position, sir! Yes! Next time you're in that situation, you power up grab the ball and let go with your outlet pass to Ed or Dave.
Who are? Already headed up court.
Yes! Ed, I love these game films.
Yeah.
You know, I was only a towel guy last year so I thought I'd shoot them.
I never dreamed they'd become our tool to victory.
Hey, it's fate.
When your time comes to conquer everything comes your way! Yes! Gentlemen, gentlemen, you ready for tomorrow night? It's a lock-out, Maurice.
With Joel's coaching and our attitude they're gonna have to hose Sleetmute's blood off the gym walls.
Right, fellas? Yeah! That's the old Cicely attitude.
Joel, could I speak to you for a few minutes? Yeah.
Guys, why don't you head over to the gym.
Chris, you lead some three-man weaves.
And Bernie, you work on those dribbles.
All right! Come on, team.
All right.
Let's go! Come on! Come on! Let's go! So how you feeling, my friend? Superb.
Tremendously energized.
I mean, a slight buzz from lack of sustained sleep, but confident.
Hey, do you remember the Saint Crispin's day speech from Henry V? "And gentlemen in England now abed "shall think themselves accursed they were not here.
" "And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us "upon Saint Crispin's day.
" Gets the blood flowing, doesn't it? Without a doubt.
Well, I thought, since I haven't finished Casey at the Hoop that I might read the speech to the men for inspiration.
Oh, that's a hell of an idea.
Joel.
Yeah? As a native New Yorker what's your estimate of the number of the depressives in your hometown? Pretty much everyone.
Except maybe Howard Stern, but he's probably faking it.
So Then you'd You'd estimate a sizeable contingent, right? Absolutely.
What's this about, Maurice? I see Cicely as a Mecca for those troubled souls.
I think our sunlight can do for those gloomy-Gus New Yorkers exactly what it did for you.
If you could see your way clear to use your contacts to talk up Cicely in your hometown I think our wallets might be able to scratch each other a little bit.
You know what I think? I think that's an excellent idea.
Extremely entrepreneurial, with just a touch of crass opportunism.
I like it.
And with your newfound energy you'd make an excellent spokesman.
Yeah, well, I mean.
I'm no Pat Riley but I do seem to have a flair for motivating people.
Actually, why am I being so self-deprecating? Could Pat Riley have pulled off this transformation? I mean, could he? Could Pat Riley have turned athletic dross into slam-dunking gold? You know what I think? No way.
Attaboy, Fleischman.
Hey, what do you think about this for a slogan? "Let Cicely light up your life.
" Good, huh? Absolutely, positively brilliant.
Oh, yeah.
"Let Cicely light up your life.
" Hi, Shelly.
Gillis, I need a dress.
Oh? Any particular style? I don't know.
You got a muumuu? Or one of those tent dresses? Something loose-fitting, about a size 6? Mmm-hmm.
You know, I think I do have something in the truck.
I'll be right back.
You, a muumuu? Anything without a shape! The longer the better! Coming right up.
What do you think? Boss.
That's all Holling wants anymore.
What? A cheerleader.
The little, short skirt, tight sweater, ankle socks.
Maybe the hem should come up just a little.
What, Holling gets a charge off seeing you in your uniform? It's like waving a red flag in front of a bull.
Men.
Yeah.
It's all unfocused, non-personal lust.
Maybe a hat? Only one thing on their one-track mind.
Yep.
The big bamboo.
You betcha.
You know, with a little sleep deprivation men'll go to bed with just about anybody.
Even women they're indifferent to, if not even hostile.
It's objectification.
Right! What? He's objectifying you.
You know, it's all the same thing, really.
a clothes fetish.
A what? A fetish.
I mean, your outfit turns Holling on.
Some men are into that, you know, waitresses, nurses, forest rangers.
Huh.
It's always surface, never substance.
You know, and you have to ask yourself, Shelly, what is wrong with men? I mean, what is at the core of their deficiency? Why can't they be attracted to women who are intelligent and focused and competent? Maybe gloves.
Maurice! What's the matter with you? It's Dr.
Fleischman.
What about him? He hit the wall.
Okay.
Come on.
Get out of the way, come on.
Joel? Joel? Ain't gonna happen, Maurice.
We've tried everything.
Stood him up, walked him around, yelled at him.
Everything.
Yeah.
I put an ice cube in his ear.
He didn't even flinch.
Hey! See.
This man's comatose.
The big sleep.
Yeah.
He might not come out of it for days.
till game time.
Looks bad.
Well, this is just great.
I had big plans for this man.
He was a walking testimony to the benefits of Cicely's light.
Now look at him, pathetic.
So much for curing depression.
I'm depressed.
I hope I'm not boring the skin off you with my stories.
They've just come flowing out of me lately.
Certainly not.
There are times when you're talking about places you've been or people you've met I swear, I'm right there with you.
What a pleasant thought.
My! You take my breath away.
It's the dress.
No.
The dress just sets the stage.
You mind if I suggest something to go along with this? Of course.
Gillis.
Well, I hope you're not too surprised, Ruth-Anne.
I've been wanting to kiss you for a long time and now it just seemed to be, well, the perfect occasion.
Gillis, I am surprised and confused.
This dress, your kiss.
I feel that I've been invited to a dance and I don't know where it is, or even what it's for.
Well I was hoping it was for our wedding.
Oh.
You see, when I came back to Cicely this time I thought I was drawn by the beauty of the drive or maybe by the light.
But when I saw you, I knew what the real reason was.
I came back to be part of your life and to have you be part of mine.
I know there's a difference in our ages but if that's not a problem, I hope you'll have me.
Gillis, you're a romantic.
Well, yes, I guess I am.
It would never work.
Why? Because you are a romantic.
You'd be disappointed.
Romantics are always disappointed by marriage.
That would never happen to me if I were with you.
Exactly what a romantic would say.
It would happen to you, Gillis, especially to you.
Traveling is what you do.
It's who you are.
In six months, or a year, Cicely would start to seem very tired.
And you'd be looking to set out again.
Ruth-Anne Besides I'm 75 and I've been alone for quite some time.
I like it.
Well, I've been in business long enough to recognize sales resistance when I see it.
This would've made a lovely wedding dress.
We'll think of an occasion.
When you add it all up, it comes down to Shelly Tambo doesn't wanna be just some halter top.
I wanna be appreciated for all the other things that I am.
Now maybe putting my foot down and saying no to the cheerleading thing wasn't too smart I mean, if you listen to the sex expert dudes and whoever.
But I just figured it was time to get back to being me again.
I hope you're not too ticked off, Holling? I hope doing it without the pompoms wasn't such a bummer you never wanna do it again.
Was it? Was it so terrible? Huh? Marilyn? Marilyn! I must have dozed off.
Sorry.
That's okay.
Good, good, good.
I still have time to get to the game.
I've had my Z's, ready to go.
It's too late.
Too late? The game's over.
Over? Uh-huh.
What do you mean? It's 11:00.
It's Tuesday.
Tuesday? You've been asleep for three days.
Is that right? Mmm-hmm.
Hey, Coach Fleischman! Guys.
Joel.
I feel terrible.
I am so sorry.
Just tell me how I can make it up to you? Make what up? All that hard work, all those hopes.
Your hour of need, where am I? I let you down.
Forget it.
Forget it? Mmm-hmm.
Yeah.
It ain't no problem.
How can I forget it? You must be in shock.
I mean, denial mixed with depression, that sort of thing.
No way.
We scored 24 points.
They scored 89.
That sounds like a problem to me.
Well, it's all how you look at it.
We scored twice as many points as last year, buddy.
Twice? Uh-huh.
We're on a roll.
So we did good? Yes! Thanks to you.
How was your nap? Long.
Good.
Well, all right.
Great.
Here's to next season.
Next season, we beat them.
Who would've thought such a slight tilt in our earthly axis could make such a big difference in our lives.
But the big wheel keeps on turning and here we are again looking in the sweet face of darkness.
"Now the day is over, night is drawing nigh.
"Shadows of the evening steal across the sky.
" A KBHR caution to all our loyal listeners.
You know, tonight marks the end of our collective midsummer night's dream.
So get those pupils ready to dilate 'cause for the first time in a long time our constant companion, old Sol, is about to go on a quickie vacation.
A short dip beneath the horizon a junket to whichever Club Med accommodates medium-size stars.
So while he's gone, I want you to be alert, be careful and please, please, please, three times please, use those headlights.
Hey, babe.
Fun party, huh? Yeah.
Hey, Fleischman.
Hey.
How are you? You look festive.
Thanks.
What's going on? Um, Ruth-Anne's throwing a party for Gillis.
He's leaving tomorrow.
How do I look? What do you mean? I mean, you look like you always look.
That's it? Well, the dress is nice, if that's what you mean.
Fleischman, three days ago you were saying how magnificent I looked.
At least, I think that's what you were saying because you were panting and drooling at the time.
Panting and drooling, huh? I have witnesses.
Look, O'Connell, let me explain something to you about sleep deprivation, okay.
They use it to brainwash people.
It makes them crazy.
Malleable, willing to do things they would never do in a more rested frame of mind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, I'll show you the literature.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Beer, please.
Hello, Dr.
Fleischman.
Glad you could make it.
Well, frankly, Ed, I checked my copy of Things to do in Cicely and guess what? Placido Domingo and the company of Turandot have decided to skip our fair metropolis so here I am.
Well, good.
This is a fine affair, Ruth-Anne.
Thank you again.
I hope you come back sooner next time.
I surely will.
Look at all these wonderful customers.
And who knows? Maybe next time I'll catch you when your resistance is low.
Would you care to dance? I'd love to.