The Batman (2004) s04e02 Episode Script
Team Penguin
[WATER BUBBLING.]
Let's do this.
[GRUNTS THEN MOANS.]
[GROANS.]
Asleep at the wheel? Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Huh? [GRUNTS THEN MOANS.]
MAN [ON RADIO.]
: Report.
What's your status? Still single.
Haven't met the right girl, I guess.
"Security system off-line.
" Oh, and we're in.
[WHIRRING.]
MacGuffin secured.
I love this movie! Do you mind? We can't see.
What I mind is back-seat yakety-yak while I'm trying to watch a movie! [GASPS.]
Teamwork, boys.
Now, that's a blueprint for success.
You said it, general.
Hmm? Hmm.
A team of Gotham's greatest villains to do the job we haven't been able to do alone.
Clip the bat jerk's wings permanently.
Now, that is a blueprint for success.
[MEN ON FILM CHEERING.]
[CRASHING.]
[CAWS.]
[CRASHES.]
Huh? [CAWS.]
"An invitation to join Team Penguin"? BATGIRL: Let me guess, Bane.
ATM ate your card? [GRUNTS.]
[CRASHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
I know, I know.
Wait for backup.
ROBIN: Someone say "backup"? Uh, who's the pixie? Robin, official partner to the Dark Knight.
[CLASHING.]
Robin, distraction maneuver, like we practiced.
On it.
He's had training? [GRUNTS.]
[BANE GROWLS.]
He's got moves.
BATGIRL: Let's see how he likes mine.
Huh? Mine.
Robin, stick to the plan.
[BOTH GRUNTS.]
[GROWLS.]
[ELECTRIC CRACKLING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[MOANS.]
So you got a new partner.
It's because I changed the presets on the Batmobile radio, isn't it? [GRUMBLING.]
Well, Penguin, I guess that means old Bane is out.
This kind of thing is exactly why I've been saying we need to team up, Croc.
In that case, we better fire up our recruitment drive.
RAGDOLL: I concur with Firefly.
But one can't simply pull a super-criminal out of a hat.
[PENGUIN YELPS.]
Ragdoll.
I told you not to do that.
[GRUNTS.]
CROC: So we still need our fifth.
Recruitment is my job, thank you very much.
And besides, they all said no already.
But leave it to me to find the best of the rest.
MAN: Someone say " best"? [FOOTSTEPS.]
Killer Moth.
Heard the legendary Penguin was recruiting.
I'm here to throw in.
Listen, mothball.
There's only room for one killer here.
That's Killer Croc.
[MOTH GRUNTS.]
Huh? Ugh.
FIREFLY: Huh, nice wings.
Granny make them? Now, now, give the man a chance.
What are your special talents? Attraction to bright lights? Eating holes in sweaters? Listen, I can help you guys.
I got a lot of skills.
Do enlighten us, Moth.
Well, I got stealth skills, code-breaking skills karate skills, cocooning skills.
[GUN SQUIRTS.]
What about coffee-making skills? I take mine black.
Two lumps.
[COMPUTER BEEPING.]
Penguin's recruiting a gang.
Keep a low center.
I understand teamwork's all the rage.
Eyes on your opponent.
[GRUNTS.]
Ugh! What? It's only practice.
We're partners, but you need to follow my lead.
You didn't earlier, and it almost got you and Batgirl in trouble.
Hey, I'm not the problem.
She's the one flying solo.
[GRUNTS.]
Gentlemen, tonight we show Gotham, and the bat jerks the power of Team Penguin.
What if we call ourselves the Gotham Gangstas? Team Penguin is not up for debate! Now, let's do this.
You see the game last night? Huh? [BOTH GRUNTS.]
[RAGDOLL CHUCKLES.]
-Boo! -Huh? [MOANS.]
[BEEPING.]
We're in.
But the only thing here is some chemical.
That's the dingus.
Grab it.
Yessiree, this is a blueprint for success.
[SLURPS.]
Mmm, robust.
[MOTH LAUGHS.]
-Let's move.
-All in good time, gentlemen.
A light in the sky says we're about to have company.
[BATMOBILE SCREECHES.]
Hard or easy? Your choice.
Please say hard.
I need the training.
Looks like I'm not the only one with a lackey.
[CACKLES.]
[GRUNTING.]
Who's the lackey now, huh? Sir? You might wanna cut back on his sugar intake.
Penguin's not alone.
Ki-ya! I think we can take him.
Not him.
Them.
[RAGDOLL CHUCKLES.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
MOTH: Freeze.
[GUN SQUIRTS.]
[LASER FIRES.]
ROBIN: Huh? [GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
Ugh! [GROANS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[THUDS THEN CROC GROANS.]
[GRUNTING.]
-I got him.
-Saw him first.
[GRUNT THEN MOAN.]
Firefly, high and long.
[GRUNTING.]
[RUMBLING.]
[GRUNT AND MOAN.]
PENGUIN: Great teamwork, boys.
Let's pop a few corks to celebrate.
[GROANING.]
[SPLASHING.]
[FIRE CRACKLING.]
[BEEPING.]
[BEEPING.]
-Stay down.
-Not a problem.
[BLASTS.]
[EXPLODING.]
Bats sure went out with a bang.
Yeah? We always think that.
It doesn't matter.
We kicked those bat butts once, we can do it again.
Tonight proved it.
Team Penguin is unstoppable.
How about Villains United? How about you shut up? BATGIRL: Nice teamwork.
Real effective.
Would have been if you'd stayed out of my way instead of hogging the ball.
They stole a highly unstable chemical.
Penguin may not realize it but as long as it's in their possession, his team is in danger.
I doubt anyone on that crew can even spell danger.
They handled themselves better than we did.
I know, follow your lead.
What's the plan, then? Drop off the third wheel and regroup back at the hideout? He's been to the hideout? Well, you might as well just go ahead and tell him your secret identity.
He knows? Of course he does.
After all, he's been your partner now for a whole week.
Hey, where are we? Yeah, why are we going here? BATGIRL: A cave? Really milking this whole creature-of-the-night theme, huh? Bruce Wayne? Knew it.
And that makes you Dick Grayson.
And you are? Sorry, as a not-quite-official freelancer I have to go the extra mile to protect my privacy.
She's Barbara Gordon.
Gordon? As in the commish's kid? PENGUIN: Gentlemen, the target.
The stately mansion of Gotham's own software billionaire, Robert Howard.
No one's been able to break into that place.
I've tried.
Did you have a team of specialists to take out his security systems and a super-chemical to eat through five layers of laser-proof titanium vault? It's teamwork that's going to get us in there.
And it's teamwork that's going to net us Howard's recently purchased one-of-a-kind ruby-encrusted penguin.
[GROAN.]
I knew it.
This is about a stupid bird.
Well, this time, it's a bird.
Next time, it can be an alligator.
Now, where's my lackey with the chemical? Having acquired the secret elixir for his general Special Ops Moth approached-- [COUGHS.]
The-- The rendezvous point-- [COUGHS.]
The rendezvous point.
[COUGHS.]
[MOTH COUGHING.]
[MOTH GROWLING.]
BATMAN: At room temperature, the chemical is a nearly universal solvent.
Then it would seem to be useful for any number of nefarious purposes.
[ROBOT WHINING.]
Sorry, circus boy but you can't beat Olympic gymnastics for teaching acrobatic skills.
How many times have you performed a triple aerial somersault? Dozens.
[GRUNTS.]
Fifty feet up without a net over hungry lions? I don't know if they were hungry.
[GRUNTS.]
[ROBOT WHINES.]
[ALARM BLARING.]
-They're hitting Robert Howard's mansion.
ROBIN: Shotgun.
Great.
Why doesn't he just drive us there too? [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[PENGUIN GASPS.]
PENGUIN: What is that? [SNIFFS.]
Ugh.
It's Moth.
Was him, anyway.
Poor guy.
FIREFLY: Must have been the fumes.
I feel awful.
We'll buy him a wreath with the profits.
Now, grab the canister and let's do this.
You couldn't lead us out of a paper bag.
I'm gone.
Quitter, eh? Fine.
More for the rest of us.
[GRUMBLING.]
Guys? Where are you going? Huh? [ROARS.]
[ROARS.]
[GASPS.]
What? I have something on my face, don't I? [GASPS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Well, well, well.
Maybe now I'll start getting some respect.
Now, as for Penguin.
[WHIMPERS.]
He's our leader so you guys are gonna start showing him the respect he deserves.
CROC: Oh, yeah, you bet.
RAGDOLL: Of course.
FIREFLY: Anything he wants.
You heard him.
Anybody that has a problem taking orders from me deals with him.
You, fetch the chemical from the truck.
Me? FIREFLY: Wait.
Maybe we don't need it.
Looks like your makeover gave you some new skills.
Forget the chemicals.
Moth's everything I need.
Uh, we need.
Now, let's see what you can do with those wings.
[WHIRRING.]
Three against five is hardly fair.
I count four.
Where's Tommy Tagalong? Oh, Mothy? He's around.
[MOTH LAUGHS.]
Whoa.
What happened to him? I'm going with hit by a radioactive mothball from outer space.
Attack! [GRUNTING.]
I've been thinking.
Who needs a team when I have you? Climb aboard, sir.
[PENGUIN CACKLES.]
Show us your stuff, Moth.
[SPLASHING AND GRUNTING.]
[LASER FIRING.]
[SMOLDERING.]
[RUMBLES.]
[LASER FIRING.]
[LASER FIRING AND BATGIRL GRUNTS.]
[GROANS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Please, let's not make this too easy for me.
[GRUNTING.]
[RAGDOLL MOANS.]
[GROANS.]
[GRUNTING.]
You think a little water's gonna stop me? No, but maybe a little ice will.
[PENGUIN CHUCKLES.]
There it is.
The stuff that dreams are made of.
Happy birthday to me.
And it's not even my birthday.
[PENGUIN AND MOTH CHUCKLE.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROWLS.]
[WHIRRING AND GRUNTING.]
-You're mine.
-You're mine.
Listen, I'll handle Moth.
You find your own roof to play on.
Fine.
Huh? [GROWLS.]
Up here.
Okay.
Yours.
[CRASHES.]
[ROARS THEN GRUNTS.]
Hey, get off of my back.
ROBIN: Hyah! Any final words before you part? [GRUNTS.]
Prepare for landing.
Huh? What landing? MOTH: Sir.
Sir, look out.
[CRASHES.]
[SCREAMING.]
[MOANING.]
Huh? -Now that's a blueprint for success.
-Now, that's a blueprint for success.
[WHIMPERS.]
BATGIRL: Blue ribbon in the insect rodeo.
You're not so bad after all.
Well, it was your distraction that made it possible.
Of course, leaving yourself so exposed like that is completely reckless.
Oh, yeah? Who crashed the giant moth monster into the roof? [GRAPPLING GUN CLICKS.]
BATGIRL: You'll be 40 before you get to drive the Batmobile.
ROBIN: At least I'll get to drive it.
Let's do this.
[GRUNTS THEN MOANS.]
[GROANS.]
Asleep at the wheel? Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Huh? [GRUNTS THEN MOANS.]
MAN [ON RADIO.]
: Report.
What's your status? Still single.
Haven't met the right girl, I guess.
"Security system off-line.
" Oh, and we're in.
[WHIRRING.]
MacGuffin secured.
I love this movie! Do you mind? We can't see.
What I mind is back-seat yakety-yak while I'm trying to watch a movie! [GASPS.]
Teamwork, boys.
Now, that's a blueprint for success.
You said it, general.
Hmm? Hmm.
A team of Gotham's greatest villains to do the job we haven't been able to do alone.
Clip the bat jerk's wings permanently.
Now, that is a blueprint for success.
[MEN ON FILM CHEERING.]
[CRASHING.]
[CAWS.]
[CRASHES.]
Huh? [CAWS.]
"An invitation to join Team Penguin"? BATGIRL: Let me guess, Bane.
ATM ate your card? [GRUNTS.]
[CRASHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
I know, I know.
Wait for backup.
ROBIN: Someone say "backup"? Uh, who's the pixie? Robin, official partner to the Dark Knight.
[CLASHING.]
Robin, distraction maneuver, like we practiced.
On it.
He's had training? [GRUNTS.]
[BANE GROWLS.]
He's got moves.
BATGIRL: Let's see how he likes mine.
Huh? Mine.
Robin, stick to the plan.
[BOTH GRUNTS.]
[GROWLS.]
[ELECTRIC CRACKLING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[MOANS.]
So you got a new partner.
It's because I changed the presets on the Batmobile radio, isn't it? [GRUMBLING.]
Well, Penguin, I guess that means old Bane is out.
This kind of thing is exactly why I've been saying we need to team up, Croc.
In that case, we better fire up our recruitment drive.
RAGDOLL: I concur with Firefly.
But one can't simply pull a super-criminal out of a hat.
[PENGUIN YELPS.]
Ragdoll.
I told you not to do that.
[GRUNTS.]
CROC: So we still need our fifth.
Recruitment is my job, thank you very much.
And besides, they all said no already.
But leave it to me to find the best of the rest.
MAN: Someone say " best"? [FOOTSTEPS.]
Killer Moth.
Heard the legendary Penguin was recruiting.
I'm here to throw in.
Listen, mothball.
There's only room for one killer here.
That's Killer Croc.
[MOTH GRUNTS.]
Huh? Ugh.
FIREFLY: Huh, nice wings.
Granny make them? Now, now, give the man a chance.
What are your special talents? Attraction to bright lights? Eating holes in sweaters? Listen, I can help you guys.
I got a lot of skills.
Do enlighten us, Moth.
Well, I got stealth skills, code-breaking skills karate skills, cocooning skills.
[GUN SQUIRTS.]
What about coffee-making skills? I take mine black.
Two lumps.
[COMPUTER BEEPING.]
Penguin's recruiting a gang.
Keep a low center.
I understand teamwork's all the rage.
Eyes on your opponent.
[GRUNTS.]
Ugh! What? It's only practice.
We're partners, but you need to follow my lead.
You didn't earlier, and it almost got you and Batgirl in trouble.
Hey, I'm not the problem.
She's the one flying solo.
[GRUNTS.]
Gentlemen, tonight we show Gotham, and the bat jerks the power of Team Penguin.
What if we call ourselves the Gotham Gangstas? Team Penguin is not up for debate! Now, let's do this.
You see the game last night? Huh? [BOTH GRUNTS.]
[RAGDOLL CHUCKLES.]
-Boo! -Huh? [MOANS.]
[BEEPING.]
We're in.
But the only thing here is some chemical.
That's the dingus.
Grab it.
Yessiree, this is a blueprint for success.
[SLURPS.]
Mmm, robust.
[MOTH LAUGHS.]
-Let's move.
-All in good time, gentlemen.
A light in the sky says we're about to have company.
[BATMOBILE SCREECHES.]
Hard or easy? Your choice.
Please say hard.
I need the training.
Looks like I'm not the only one with a lackey.
[CACKLES.]
[GRUNTING.]
Who's the lackey now, huh? Sir? You might wanna cut back on his sugar intake.
Penguin's not alone.
Ki-ya! I think we can take him.
Not him.
Them.
[RAGDOLL CHUCKLES.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
MOTH: Freeze.
[GUN SQUIRTS.]
[LASER FIRES.]
ROBIN: Huh? [GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
Ugh! [GROANS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[THUDS THEN CROC GROANS.]
[GRUNTING.]
-I got him.
-Saw him first.
[GRUNT THEN MOAN.]
Firefly, high and long.
[GRUNTING.]
[RUMBLING.]
[GRUNT AND MOAN.]
PENGUIN: Great teamwork, boys.
Let's pop a few corks to celebrate.
[GROANING.]
[SPLASHING.]
[FIRE CRACKLING.]
[BEEPING.]
[BEEPING.]
-Stay down.
-Not a problem.
[BLASTS.]
[EXPLODING.]
Bats sure went out with a bang.
Yeah? We always think that.
It doesn't matter.
We kicked those bat butts once, we can do it again.
Tonight proved it.
Team Penguin is unstoppable.
How about Villains United? How about you shut up? BATGIRL: Nice teamwork.
Real effective.
Would have been if you'd stayed out of my way instead of hogging the ball.
They stole a highly unstable chemical.
Penguin may not realize it but as long as it's in their possession, his team is in danger.
I doubt anyone on that crew can even spell danger.
They handled themselves better than we did.
I know, follow your lead.
What's the plan, then? Drop off the third wheel and regroup back at the hideout? He's been to the hideout? Well, you might as well just go ahead and tell him your secret identity.
He knows? Of course he does.
After all, he's been your partner now for a whole week.
Hey, where are we? Yeah, why are we going here? BATGIRL: A cave? Really milking this whole creature-of-the-night theme, huh? Bruce Wayne? Knew it.
And that makes you Dick Grayson.
And you are? Sorry, as a not-quite-official freelancer I have to go the extra mile to protect my privacy.
She's Barbara Gordon.
Gordon? As in the commish's kid? PENGUIN: Gentlemen, the target.
The stately mansion of Gotham's own software billionaire, Robert Howard.
No one's been able to break into that place.
I've tried.
Did you have a team of specialists to take out his security systems and a super-chemical to eat through five layers of laser-proof titanium vault? It's teamwork that's going to get us in there.
And it's teamwork that's going to net us Howard's recently purchased one-of-a-kind ruby-encrusted penguin.
[GROAN.]
I knew it.
This is about a stupid bird.
Well, this time, it's a bird.
Next time, it can be an alligator.
Now, where's my lackey with the chemical? Having acquired the secret elixir for his general Special Ops Moth approached-- [COUGHS.]
The-- The rendezvous point-- [COUGHS.]
The rendezvous point.
[COUGHS.]
[MOTH COUGHING.]
[MOTH GROWLING.]
BATMAN: At room temperature, the chemical is a nearly universal solvent.
Then it would seem to be useful for any number of nefarious purposes.
[ROBOT WHINING.]
Sorry, circus boy but you can't beat Olympic gymnastics for teaching acrobatic skills.
How many times have you performed a triple aerial somersault? Dozens.
[GRUNTS.]
Fifty feet up without a net over hungry lions? I don't know if they were hungry.
[GRUNTS.]
[ROBOT WHINES.]
[ALARM BLARING.]
-They're hitting Robert Howard's mansion.
ROBIN: Shotgun.
Great.
Why doesn't he just drive us there too? [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[PENGUIN GASPS.]
PENGUIN: What is that? [SNIFFS.]
Ugh.
It's Moth.
Was him, anyway.
Poor guy.
FIREFLY: Must have been the fumes.
I feel awful.
We'll buy him a wreath with the profits.
Now, grab the canister and let's do this.
You couldn't lead us out of a paper bag.
I'm gone.
Quitter, eh? Fine.
More for the rest of us.
[GRUMBLING.]
Guys? Where are you going? Huh? [ROARS.]
[ROARS.]
[GASPS.]
What? I have something on my face, don't I? [GASPS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Well, well, well.
Maybe now I'll start getting some respect.
Now, as for Penguin.
[WHIMPERS.]
He's our leader so you guys are gonna start showing him the respect he deserves.
CROC: Oh, yeah, you bet.
RAGDOLL: Of course.
FIREFLY: Anything he wants.
You heard him.
Anybody that has a problem taking orders from me deals with him.
You, fetch the chemical from the truck.
Me? FIREFLY: Wait.
Maybe we don't need it.
Looks like your makeover gave you some new skills.
Forget the chemicals.
Moth's everything I need.
Uh, we need.
Now, let's see what you can do with those wings.
[WHIRRING.]
Three against five is hardly fair.
I count four.
Where's Tommy Tagalong? Oh, Mothy? He's around.
[MOTH LAUGHS.]
Whoa.
What happened to him? I'm going with hit by a radioactive mothball from outer space.
Attack! [GRUNTING.]
I've been thinking.
Who needs a team when I have you? Climb aboard, sir.
[PENGUIN CACKLES.]
Show us your stuff, Moth.
[SPLASHING AND GRUNTING.]
[LASER FIRING.]
[SMOLDERING.]
[RUMBLES.]
[LASER FIRING.]
[LASER FIRING AND BATGIRL GRUNTS.]
[GROANS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Please, let's not make this too easy for me.
[GRUNTING.]
[RAGDOLL MOANS.]
[GROANS.]
[GRUNTING.]
You think a little water's gonna stop me? No, but maybe a little ice will.
[PENGUIN CHUCKLES.]
There it is.
The stuff that dreams are made of.
Happy birthday to me.
And it's not even my birthday.
[PENGUIN AND MOTH CHUCKLE.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROWLS.]
[WHIRRING AND GRUNTING.]
-You're mine.
-You're mine.
Listen, I'll handle Moth.
You find your own roof to play on.
Fine.
Huh? [GROWLS.]
Up here.
Okay.
Yours.
[CRASHES.]
[ROARS THEN GRUNTS.]
Hey, get off of my back.
ROBIN: Hyah! Any final words before you part? [GRUNTS.]
Prepare for landing.
Huh? What landing? MOTH: Sir.
Sir, look out.
[CRASHES.]
[SCREAMING.]
[MOANING.]
Huh? -Now that's a blueprint for success.
-Now, that's a blueprint for success.
[WHIMPERS.]
BATGIRL: Blue ribbon in the insect rodeo.
You're not so bad after all.
Well, it was your distraction that made it possible.
Of course, leaving yourself so exposed like that is completely reckless.
Oh, yeah? Who crashed the giant moth monster into the roof? [GRAPPLING GUN CLICKS.]
BATGIRL: You'll be 40 before you get to drive the Batmobile.
ROBIN: At least I'll get to drive it.