The Madame Blanc Mysteries (2021) s04e02 Episode Script

1
THEY SPEAK IN FRENCH
SHE HUMS
HUMMING CONTINUES
SILENCES BELL
SHE HUMS
SHE COUGHS
COUGHING INTENSIFIES
Do you remember the first time ♪
That my eyes set on you? ♪
Your smile came from nowhere ♪
For some time never. ♪
Or some time soon ♪
The road is a long one ♪
I was only passing through ♪
I was only passing through. ♪
Whoa! That was amazing.
No wonder there's no pattern left
on that plate.
Uncle Patrick has always been
the king of the coq au vin.
So, I'm guessing that he pre-prepared it
so Judith and Jeremy don't have to cook.
Exactly.
Where is Patrick?
He's gone to see Bruce Springsteen.
Ooh. I thought
you'd be hot on his heels.
I'm going next week.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
"Born To Run" was the first album
I ever learnt all the words to.
I played "Born To Run"
on my mouth organ.
What, you can play the mouth organ?
I'd pay good money to see that.
Oh, yes, I'm quite
brilliant at it, actually.
Which reminds me
of my favourite dad joke.
A mouse goes into a music shop
and says, "Do you sell mouse organs?"
Do you know it?
And the shopkeeper says,
"That's weird. We had
one of your lot in here earlier,"
"asking exactly the same question."
"Oh!", says the mouse,
"that must have been our Monica."
Our Monica.
You do know it?
CHUCKLING
Right. Well, I think I've got just
about enough room for a pudding.
Oh, great idea.
I'll go and get some menus.
So, what other musical talents have
you got hidden up your sleeve, then?
Well Well, seeing as it's you,
I am
a master of the spoons.
SHE LAUGHS
Shut it!
Hey, hang on. Watch. Right.
Ow! Ooh!
Oh!
Ooh! I think I'm really hurt myself.
Oh, my God!
Oh! Who on Earth left that there?
Well, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know where to put it.
Right, look,
I think we better get you to A&E.
A&E?
What about Douglas?
Oh, well, we used to have a dog.
We'll look after him.
We know what we're doing.
Are you sure?
It's the least we can do.
Come on, let's get you out of here.
Ooh!
Ah. Ah.
He prefers coconut water to plain.
He's in safe hands with us, Gloria.
Oh!
Watch that step.
Oh, Gloria!
Ooh! Ah!
Sit down, sit down, sit down.
PHONE RINGS
Oh!
Hello?
Hi, Charlie.
No, I-I'll be right there.
OK.
Erm, there's been an incident
at the shop. I'm gonna have to go.
All right. I'll get Glo to A&E
and give you a call.
I'm so sorry, Glo.
Don't be daft.
I'll text you if they have to amputate.
SHE CHUCKLES
Just get my bag.
All right.
Why on Earth did you offer
to look after that stinking dog?
You were the most wonderful mother
to Tarquin, darling, I thought
you'd be only too pleased to help.
Our Tarquin was a Kennel Club
registered top pedigree toy poodle.
Also, you leaving that bucket out
gives Gloria every reason to sue us,
and I don't want to give her one reason.
All right.
When Patrick gets back,
we'll take it back to the chateau.
But it is not getting on the furniture.
SHE SIGHS
Who was on the stretcher?
Oh, Jean, c'est terrible!
What on Earth has happened?
We got back from the cinema, and
the front door of the shop was open.
Fifi was meant to lock up.
So
So, we went inside,
and Fifi was nowhere to be seen.
The door to the bathroom, it was locked,
so Simone kicked it in.
'As the door opened,
this horrific smell came out,
'and Aunt Fifi was lying on the floor.
'We dragged her out.'
'And I closed the door immediately
and called the police.'
Good grief!
The forensic team strongly suspect
the smell was a gas caused by bleach
being mixed with ammonia.
Mustard gas.
Precisely.
And in an enclosed space.
Deadly.
Oh, she didn't stand a chance.
It looks like a normal bottle
of bathroom cleaner
was replaced with pure ammonia.
So when the two products mixed together,
it created the deadly gas.
So somebody changed the bottle
and locked her in?
It would seem so.
We have a murder on our hands.
You do know it's Thursday?
DOG PANTS
I am very well aware of that.
And you do know what Thursday means?
I do,
but unfortunately, you invited that
hairy mutt to come and stay with us.
I'm going to have to burn these
800-thread Egyptian cotton sheets.
Well, I wouldn't have had to
if you hadn't left the mop and
bucket in the middle of the floor.
I am not accustomed to domestic
labour, Jeremy. I did my best.
Well, maybe your best
wasn't good enough.
Darling.
How dare you?
I'm just stating facts.
Are you indeed?
Well, one more fact from you,
and you will be sleeping
in one of the spare rooms tonight.
On a Thursday?
Wh
Do
HE SIGHS
Oh, thank you very much.
You are very welcome.
Oh, no.
What's wrong?
Oh, this could be the end of us, this.
What do you mean?
If you choose the wrong sauce
for your bacon roll.
SHE LAUGHS
Hey-hey, hey!
This is no laughing matter, missy.
I'm going to judge you very harshly
if you choose the wrong one.
Are you now?
Oh, OK.
OK. Let's just Let's just rip
the plaster off, shall we?
Right, on the count of three,
you grab the bottle you want.
Right.
One two three.
Yes!
Well, it's red sauce for bacon
and brown sauce for sausage, obvs.
Obvs!
SHE CHUCKLES
You are very lovely, Jean White.
You're not so bad yourself,
Dominic Hayes.
DOORBELL RINGS
Who's that?
Oh, don't worry, I'll get rid of them.
The police only let us
back in our flat after midnight.
I can still smell it.
Oh, Charlie, I didn't think.
Simone and I hardly slept a wink.
I'm so sorry.
You could have stayed here.
Do you have any coffee?
Not the English stuff in the jar.
Yeah, I do. Erm
Ah. Good morning, Dom.
Oh, hi, Charlie.
I'm just unblocking this sink for Jean.
Yes, I saw Madeline outside.
You are here early, no?
Yes. Well, you know me.
I love an early morning.
JEAN LAUGHS
Merci.
Bet you've not eaten, either of you.
Go on, help yourself.
Thank you, Jean.
BOTH WHISPER: No sauce.
CHARLIE SOBS
I cannot believe it.
Fifi was such a wonderful woman.
Yeah, she was she was great.
Was she your mum's sister or your dad's?
Oh, neither.
She used to be my mum's best friend.
Er, unfortunately, my parents
threw me out when I was 17,
after I introduced
my first girlfriend to them.
I see.
Fifi and her husband, Brian,
they took me in for a while,
and we always kept in touch.
I heard that she was doing
a bit of cleaning in her retirement,
and that's why she works for us.
Worked for us.
CHARLIE SOBS
PHONE RINGS
Excuse me.
Oh.
Good morning, Caron.
Yeah, er Charlie's here.
Yeah. OK. Yep.
Hang on.
Erm
Caron needs to talk to you, Charlie.
He needs you to go with him
to Fifi's house cos, er
Er
OK.
Caron, erm, we will both
be seeing you shortly.
OK, bye.
Thank you, Jean.
And, erm,
are you all finished here now?
Yes. Yeah. No, that's all clear now.
I'd better get back to work.
Yes. I don't need that. Don't need that.
HE CLEARS THROA
All right?
Yep.
- See you later.
- Yep. Erm
Well, thank you.
Thank you very much, Dom.
- Bye.
- Bye.
HE CHUCKLES
Swag to be had, my liege!
Oh!
Douglas?
Douglas.
Douglas!
No!
How did I forget to shut that?
Douglas!
THEY SPEAK IN FRENCH
Oh!
Judith!
Judith! Wake up!
What on Earth are you doing?
- The dog's escaped.
- What?
He must have made a break for it
in the middle of the night.
He's not in prison, Jeremy.
PHONE RINGS
It's Gloria.
What shall I do?
Don't say a word.
Tell her I've taken him for a walk.
Hello, Gloria.
Hiya. Oh, I like your blouse.
It's PJ's, actually, but thank you.
Oh, are you having a lie-in?
Sorry?
I bet Douglas loved that.
- How are you, Gloria?
- Oh, it's just a sprain.
I've got to keep off it for 24 hours.
How's my baby?
Has he been a good boy?
Can you bring him to the phone?
Er, Jeremy has just taken him
for a lovely early morning walk
in the fields behind the chateau.
Oh, thank you so much.
Sorry, Gloria,
I've got another call coming in.
Speak later.
Oh!
Come on!
I don't understand.
She was such a lovely lady.
How long have you been neighbours?
I was renting the house
next door from her for six years.
She used to feed my cat
when I was at work.
I teach history at the local lycee,
and she cleaned for me every week.
She was obsessed with cleaning
when I lived with her, too.
I am her niece, Charlie.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
I'll take a look around.
Did Fifi have any family?
Her husband, Brian, died ten years ago.
She had a half sister, Ines,
who she doesn't speak to.
Why?
It was her sister's husband, Alan,
who set the rot between them,
and I totally understand why.
Alan could, erm
How you say, Jean, erm
start a fight in an empty room?
I used to deal with him now and then
because him and Brian had
a small auction house in Biarritz.
But me and Alan,
we never saw eye to eye, so
So, what happened between them?
One night, Brian insisted
that Alan tried to steal something
from them in their own house
when they came here for dinner.
What did they try to steal?
I have no idea.
It was like a bomb going off
in the family.
Alan denied it, and that was that.
The auction house closed down,
and they never spoke
to each other again.
Brian has long gone, and she has
lived here all alone ever since.
Do you know where the sister
and her husband live?
I do if they are still
in the same place.
Can you write it down for me?
Of course. Not a problem.
Thank you.
Do you know of anyone
who would want to kill Fifi?
No. She was so loved.
Everybody adored her.
And she didn't have much -
just these little old houses,
her state pension
and her cleaning money.
And I don't believe our little
old houses are worth killing for.
Oh, I didn't mean to cause offence.
I mean, they are very sweet houses.
Maybe it's what's in the house
that's worth killing for.
Charlie, come and have a look at this.
What do you think that is?
Ah!
Oh, my dear
- I don't believe it.
- What is it?
I think it's a bowl
from the Qianlong dynasty in 1745.
What does that mean?
Approximately 50,000 euros.
What?
And I'm starting to think
that Louise Moillon
that's propped up in the hall
is real, too.
Wonder what else
is in this little old house?
Wow! To be honest,
I didn't visit her here much
since I was a teenager,
as I always saw her
in the shop, but still.
And there is only one living relative?
Yes.
I think we need to ask
Fifi's sister, Ines,
and her husband, Alan, a few questions.
Richard, you and I
will pay them a visit.
Jean, I think
you and Charlie should stay here
and see what else you can find.
Oh, yeah. No problem.
We might need to ask you
some further questions,
- but for now, thank you for your help.
- My pleasure.
Can I make you a drink?
Oh, yes, please. That'd be lovely.
Thank you.
Yeah, it's the geometric process
of energy exchange
that would form what we see and feel
as the passing of time.
BARKING,
BRAKES SCREECH
Sorry about that. Erm, just need to
make a quick emergency phone call.
I feel dreadful.
Imagine someone losing our Tarquin
while they were dog sitting!
We would have never forgiven them.
Tarquin would never have run away.
What kind of dog runs away from a
chateau and a Wedgewood water bowl?
Well, what's that got to do
PHONE CHIMES,
HE GRUMBLES
Dominic.
Oh!
That's great news. Dominic's found
Douglas running in the fields.
I told you, the dog is a moron.
Where are you?
Right. We're on our way.
Come on.
SHE SIGHS
HE EXHALES
There is never an easy way
to break bad news,
but I'm afraid I have to tell you
that your sister, Madame Fifi Paige,
was found dead last night.
What? How did she die?
We suspect she was murdered.
Oh, my goodness.
Must be a great shock.
Even though she was my half sister,
she has been dead to me for years.
We have heard that you don't speak.
We were told it was because you were
accused of stealing from her house.
Oh, I suppose. That was from
her pretend niece, Charlie.
To be expected, I suppose.
We never got on.
Well, it was never us
that was doing the stealing.
Pardon?
Our licence was threatened
to be revoked from the auction house
because too many items over the years
had accidentally been misplaced.
You suspected Monsieur Page
was stealing items?
Well Very slowly,
maybe one or two a year.
Brian blames the security I hired,
but I knew they all were as honest
as the day is long.
People started losing faith in us.
And it wasn't just little things.
Really expensive items disappeared.
I did start to suspect Brian,
but he covered his tracks so well,
so when we were at his house
for dinner one night,
I took an opportunity to explore.
After a search, I found
two of the missing items and
and I confronted him.
He became enraged.
He said if Alan said anything,
he would bring all four
of us down with him.
We left and never spoke to him again.
HE SIGHS
I can clear my name at last.
Where were you last night at 5pm?
We were both here at home.
And you only have
each other as an alibi?
We will be in touch.
Is that a Grand Teddy tea-room painting?
Edouard Vuillard. What
I thought the third
one was lost forever.
Moi, aussi.
So, where was that hidden?
Behind the wardrobe in the spare room.
And how much is this worth?
Oh, erm, ballpark
between 200,000, 300,000 euro.
Mon dieu! You two really know
your stuff. It's very impressive.
Did you study antiques?
My PhD is in French warfare,
so if you ever need an expert
on that, give me a call.
Oh, thank you. I will.
So, what's the tally now, Charlie?
Er, with the paintings, the
console table, the Axminster rug,
circa 1760, which was rolled up
under the bed in the spare room
Don't forget the Louise Moillon.
Well, erm, almost two million euros.
Wow. I honestly can't believe it.
I had no idea.
Where did it all come from?
PHONE RINGS
Hello?
IN FRENCH:
Charlie, are you OK?
Er That was Fifi's solicitor.
Go on.
She has left everything to me.
Ines has been written out of the will.
Oh.
But we need something stronger
than this. Come next door.
OK. I need to tell Simone.
Yeah. OK.
SHE EXHALES
Oh, I didn't know how much
I needed that. Thank you.
Oh, my pleasure.
PHONE RINGS
Oh. Excuse me.
Hello, Caron?
Yeah. OK. I've just got to take this.
Yes, yes. Of course.
OK.
I had no idea how much I meant to her.
Sometimes, I think it's the quality
over the quantity of time
we spend with someone
that makes the greatest impact.
Mm.
She once knitted me a
complete nativity set for Christmas.
Really?
Mary, Joseph, the lot.
The kings were a little unusual,
but she did an amazing job
with the sheep.
She was quite the character.
She never got over losing Brian.
They were real soulmates.
So in love.
Oh. Fantastic place you've got here,
Pierre.
I bet those glass bottles
are not from Ikea.
Oh! No. My grandmother,
she used to make the most amazing,
erm, how you say, er, pickles.
Oh. I never had the heart
to throw them away.
That was Caron.
Ines said something about Brian.
Can we just nip next door?
Sorry.
Oh!
GLORIA CHUCKLES
Aw.
Hm!
SHE EXHALES
Oh!
It's time for you to come home, baby.
'Douglas!'
Douglas!
Douglas, where are you, you fool?
PHONE PINGS
Oh, it's Gloria. She said
she's ready to have Douglas home.
Tell her we are having
the time of our lives,
and we would like to keep him
a while longer.
Oh!
Oh, darling.
Ow!
Oh!
PHONE CHIMES
SHE CHUCKLES
SHE CHUCKLES
I suppose it's a consolation
that Fifi never got to know
that Brian was a thief.
She didn't have a clue about antiques.
All this stuff
will have to be returned
to its rightful owners, of course.
Of course. I don't want to inherit
stolen goods. It's bad karma.
Right. I'm gonna have
one last sweep around,
and then we'll call it a day.
Simone should have been here by now.
We will give you a lift home.
Oh.
DOORBELL RINGS
Ah! Ma cherie.
I'll put the kettle on.
SHE GASPS
SHE CHOKES AND PANTS
GRUNTING
YELLING
HE GRUNTS
What the hell?
Alan?
Can't he just live in the wild?
It's a dog, darling.
There are dogs that live in the wild.
Not Gloria's dog.
It drinks bloody coconut water.
BARKING
Look. Over there.
Douglas!
Don't move, Douglas!
No! Good boy. Stay.
Stay, stay! Ho, ho, ho, ho!
We're so relieved to see you, boy.
Look at him.
Not the tiniest bit of remorse
for what he's put us through.
Come along, Douglas.
Come on, Doug.
Time to go home.
There we go.
Where have you been all morning?
Come along. Good boy.
Ah!
So you found out about the will,
and you attacked Charlie?
She's my dear friend,
my business partner,
and she certainly does not deserve that.
Fifi left me no choice, did she?
When we heard about Ines
being written out of Fifi's will
and everything being left
to your friend, I just saw red.
They did this to you. You must
leave me. Leave me. I must go.
'It was the last straw.'
I knew she would be at Fifi's house
looking at her winnings,
so I thought I would pay her a visit.
It was nothing personal to your friend.
She just doesn't deserve it.
She's not even blood.
Well, your methods of attack
have certainly changed in 24 hours,
I will give you that.
I did not kill Fifi.
So you did not replace
her detergent with pure ammonia?
I have absolutely no idea
what you are talking about.
I think you and your wife
went to the shop yesterday,
swapped our cleaning bottles,
locked her in the bathroom
and left her to die from the gas.
I did not even know how she died.
And
And me and my wife
were somewhere else at that time.
Ah, yes. At home,
with no-one to confirm this.
We can, actually.
Go on.
We were at the Bureau de Poste.
Doing what?
Cashing a cheque.
What cheque?
Brian's employee pension cheque.
You were cashing
a dead man's pension cheque?
So you never told them that he died
for ten years?
Mon dieu, that is low.
How did Fifi not know?
It was a company pension
me and Brian took out.
Fifi didn't have to know.
It wasn't yours. He left us in poverty.
What were we supposed to do?
We were there at 5pm,
like we are every Wednesday.
You can check with the Bureau de Poste.
Will I be able to claim back
my half missing stock?
Sorry?
Our joint company paid for the stock.
Half of what it is worth is mine.
The stolen goods will be returned,
and the insurance companies
will be informed.
I also have to remind you
that pension theft is fraud.
It carries a hefty fine
and sometimes a custodial sentence.
Not to mention
the assault on an innocent woman.
All for the court to decide.
Well, if Alan's alibi checks out,
then we're right back at the
beginning as to who killed Fifi.
It would seem so.
I just got your message. Are you OK?
Oh
Dominique?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
I didn't even know what was going on.
I mean, poor old Charlie, though.
Are you sure?
Yeah. Yeah.
You can, erm, let go of my hands now.
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Erm, do you mind giving me
a lift back to Fifi's?
I really want to finish
the inventory for Charlie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. I'm not letting you
out of my sight, though. Yeah?
I've said it many times
over the years, Mrs Lloyd-James -
we make quite the team.
I want a hot shower,
and I need to call my hairdresser.
I think you look
rather windswept and interesting.
Jeremy, get me home.
Yes, of course, darling.
Oh, Charlie, I'm so glad you're OK.
Is Simone with you?
Good.
No, I'm here now.
No, it's OK - Dom's with me.
Yeah. OK.
Yep. Yep. I'll see you later.
OK, bye.
SHE EXHALES
Blimey!
So Charlie's a very
rich woman now, then.
Oh, she's not, actually.
She's got to give it all back.
And what I wouldn't have done
to get my hands on
Oh, no. He's escaped again!
What?
Oh!
No good trying to get away, mate.
You've been caught red pawed.
SHE LAUGHS
Douglas? Oh!
Douglas, I think
you've found yourself a truffle.
Oh!
I bet those, er
those glass bottles are not from Ikea.
Oh, my goodness.
I knew they weren't pickle jars.
All right. All right, come on.
Let's get you home. Come on.
Yeah.
Are you gonna be OK?
Yeah, fine. I'll see you later.
Yeah, well, the thing is, Jean
What?
Well, I don't want to leave you
after what happened earlier.
I was really scared.
What are you on about?
I'll be fine.
Well, when you put it like that.
SHE CHUCKLES
Let's get on. I'll speak to you
if I need anything.
Oh.
A regular little truffle factory.
Good grief!
Mustard gas.
SHE SIGHS
DOOR OPENS
Oh! Hi.
You shouldn't be in here.
I was just looking around Fifi's, and
This is not Fifi's shed, is it?
It's yours, in your shared garden.
Exactly.
And you've been preserving
very expensive truffles
in very expensive jars.
Yes.
Well done.
And I'm starting to think
I'm not the first person
to have worked this out.
I've had my lovely little job
for two years now.
Nearly have enough
for a deposit for my house.
'And Fifi discovered your secret?'
'Yes. That meddling old girl
worked out what was going on.
'She recognised my green jars
were for preserving truffles.'
'What, and you actually
killed her for it?'
'Well, she wanted 60%!'
HE LAUGHS
'These are Perigord black truffles.
'They're worth maybe
1,000 euros per kilo.
'She said if I didn't agree,
she was going to evict me.'
I'm sorry, but she had to go.
But you wouldn't have
given her a smaller percentage?
What?
Well, the shed is on her land.
We shared the land!
She agreed that I could use her shed.
She said it would be
my own private space.
She didn't even come in here.
It was her husband's place.
She agreed, but, oh, no!
When she realised
there was money to be made,
she wanted what I had
worked so hard to build.
Yes. Well, that was very unfair.
Very unfair.
Exactly.
It really was very unfair.
And do you know what, Jean?
I tried so hard to be kind.
Of course I did.
I even paid her to clean my house.
She never stopped cleaning.
It's hilarious, huh? The irony.
The thing that you love the most
ends up being the thing that kills you.
Because of course, you know,
she always used to clean
in the same old-fashioned
planet-killing way.
First a ton of bleach,
then a lot of detergent.
Oh, it drove me mad.
Hm. I'm sure.
So that's where you got the idea
of how to kill her?
Every time she left my house,
it stank of bleach.
I was going to put some
in her coffee so she choked on it,
but it seemed too obvious.
And then it came to me.
'I was preparing a new module
for my students
'about the Battle of Ypres
in World War I.
'Did you know the Battle of Ypres
was the first time
'the Germans used mustard gas, hm?'
A simple mixture of bleach and ammonia.
My little idea started forming.
Then, of course,
your shop was the perfect location.
She would be alone in an enclosed
space at the same time every week,
cleaning in her same old-fashioned way.
So thank you for that.
But now of course,
now that you know that,
you will have to die
in the same way, hm?
SHE PANTS
SHE COUGHS
COUGHING
Help!
Help!
COUGHING
You were very lucky, Jean.
That scarf saved your life.
Pierre has not fared well
from this at all.
Yeah.
Thank God my granny always told me
to carry something if it got cold.
And if you hadn't got them out, Dom
Yeah.
Why did you come back?
It was him.
Houdini here. Escaped again.
Came back to finish
sniffing the truffles.
SHE LAUGHS,
COUGHS
Well, I owe you one, too,
then, Douglas.
I better get back. Have you been
checked out by the paramedics?
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
Good. Take your time.
But as you know,
you will all need to be interviewed
and make a statement.
Maybe not you.
Did he just crack a fairly funny joke?
I'm not sure.
CHATTER
I am shattered.
I'm not surprised.
It has been a bit of a day.
You can say that again. Don't!
Yeah.
Imagine you're getting on with your day,
not realising you were sat on millions.
Literally. You know that
battered old chair in the lounge?
Hm. That was an actual
Louis Majorelle, Art Nouveau,
worth about 20,000 euros.
You're joking!
Hm-mm.
Thank you for today.
You actually saved my life.
Don't say it like that.
Yeah, but you did.
Yes. And I'm very glad that I did.
But I learned something
very important today
about you, Jean White.
What's that, Dominic Hayes?
That I should never, ever, ever
listen to a single word you say again.
No. Where would you have been right
now if I hadn't have come back?
"Oh, you go," she says.
"I'll be absolutely fine," she says.
Is he telling another dad joke?
Hello, Glo.
Hello, love. Are you feeling better?
Yeah, I can walk.
What! It's a miracle.
Oh, hello, Furry Fun Chops!
HE MOUTHS
Oh, I have missed you.
Oh, thanks, you two.
Has he been a good boy?
Absolutely no problem at all.
A complete and utter joy.
Hey, it's brilliant
you got on so well.
My dog-sitter's just moved town,
so I'll be calling on you two now
if I need him looking after.
How lovely!
Oh, it would be our pleasure.
Oh, thanks. I'll have a white wine.
On the house.
Sub extracted from file & improved
Passing through. ♪