The Simple Life (2003) s04e02 Episode Script

NARRA TOR: Paris recently bought a fabulous house in the Hollywood Hills, and this happens to be one of her closets.
I Iove this closet.
It's so good.
-What's going on with this? -That is if-I-ever-go-to-India outfit.
-Really? -Yes.
-Are you planning on going? -Yes.
But don't you have to, Iike, cover up everything? You're not allowed to show any of your hair.
-You would have to cover up your hair.
-Your hair? It's, Iike, a Iaw.
Are you allowed to have blonde hair? Even if you travel there, you really have to do this? I think so, or you'II get, Iike, shot or something.
That's hot.
PARlS: Where the hell are we? NARRA TOR: On their new adventure, Paris and Nicole are learning what it's like to be traditional housewives.
As they're about to find out, there are lots of different traditions.
(M UEZZIN CALLING TO PRAYER) Hello, I am Najib Ghauri, my Iovely wife, Aiesha, and my wonderful son Faraaz.
If the girls do not respect our traditions, our values, our culture, our religion, then I would be very disappointed.
FARAAZ: Respect is the big thing with my family.
I don't use, really, any profanity because that's one thing that gets to my dad.
(MUEZZIN CALLING TO PRAYER) -Hello.
-Hi.
-How are you doing? -How are you? -Welcome to Ghauri's family's house.
-Thank you.
-Hello.
-I'm Aiesha.
Hi, nice to meet you.
-You're beautiful.
-Thank you so much.
-This is Faraaz.
-Hi.
Paris walks in, she's Iooking really good.
Hi, gorgeous, how are you? Nice to meet you.
Nicole's really hot.
I think she has a nice, petite body, and I dig her.
What we wanna do is, we wanna just give you a Iittle quiz on how much you know about Pakistan.
-Are you okay with that? -Okay.
AIESHA: Yeah? What do you know about Pakistan? -Where is it? -Geography really isn't my thing.
-Near India.
-That's beautiful.
That's Iovely.
Do you know what Ianguage they speak in Pakistan? -Pakistanian.
-Pakistanian.
(BUZZER RlNGlNG) -That's a very common answer.
-AIESHA: That doesn't exist.
What is our religion in Pakistan? Um I'II give you a hint.
The most talked about religion right now, since 9/1 1.
-Kabala.
-Kabala? (BUZZER RINGING) She's being funny.
Well, you should have a Iot of questions about us.
I mean Do you only have one wife, or you have multiple wives? -I have three others in fantasy.
-That's hot.
So you're not into, Iike, threesomes and foursomes.
No.
No, ma'am.
-He's having a great time with this.
-Yeah, all of it's good.
-Are you into threesomes? -Sometimes, you know, not all the time.
Excuse me? I didn't hear that, Faraaz.
I didn't hear that.
One fear that I have is just being embarrassed and humiliated by the whole traditional things that we do, but I know that I need to Iet Ioose.
Come have a seat right there in my princess chair.
Hot.
You have to demand to be treated Iike a princess.
I always do.
Okay, first thing, to wear a traditional outfit Iike I have on.
-You Iook beautiful.
-Thank you.
I have an outfit kind of Iike yours on.
Well, yeah, with the scarf.
-Do I not Iook Pakistanian? -No.
And then you'II also Iearn how to cook a traditional dinner.
-Okay.
-And then, overall, the whole day, you're gonna have to keep an eye on Faraaz.
I'm a really good mom.
-You are? -Does he still breastfeed? No, he's 15-and-a-half.
-Oh, so I shouldn't breastfeed him? -No, you shouldn't.
Okay.
I can't get beyond that now.
So you're gonna take care of Faraaz and the dogs.
-You have your hands full.
-Yeah, and they're potty-trained, they're not gonna on the carpets or anything.
Wait, you just said a cuss word.
So you're gonna have to put some money in a cuss jar.
Oh.
-AII right? -You got it.
AII right.
-Bye, bitch, Iove you.
-Okay, there goes another dollar in there.
Oh, my God.
I think I haven't even Ieft and it's already getting filled.
-Okay, well good Iuck, all right? -Thank you.
-Bye, honey.
Have a good day.
-Bye.
You, too.
It was really nice meeting you.
-I'II take care of the boys.
-I hope so.
NARRA TOR: As Mrs.
Ghauri leaves for the day, Paris and Nicole head upstairs to replace their cutting-edge couture with something that's a little more traditional.
So I got you two traditional Pakistani outfits.
-I'II Ieave it to you to decide, okay? -Thank you.
-You don't want to watch? -No, I don't think so.
I'II come back, okay? Najib, I'm ready.
NAJIB: I don't think so.
-This is not traditional.
-Okay.
Thank you.
-I'm enjoying it.
-No.
Mmm-hmm.
NAJIB: Hi, there.
FARAAZ: Wow.
-You're Iooking beautiful.
-PARIS: The orange was too itchy.
That's Iike a model walking in my house.
You Iook awesome.
(MUEZZlN CALLlNG TO PRA YERS ON ALARM CLOCK) NAJIB: Are you? That -What is that? -That's a It's a call for prayer.
(STAMMERING) It's an alarm clock, and it goes off at a specific time.
What is it saying? La, Ia, Ia, Ia It's saying, AIIah's calling you, to go for prayer.
That's sexy.
You face this towards Mecca Iike this.
And you go down Iike this, and you bow your head down.
Up again.
Turn your head right and Ieft, and then you just ask for prayers, for God For all the blessings, whatever you have in your heart.
Simple.
Okay, Nicole, I'm really busy this afternoon.
Okay, if you can go to the grocery shop, pick up the things here, this will help you make a wonderful dinner tonight.
-It's not in English.
-It is English.
-Forty bucks should be enough, right? -Sure.
-And take Faraaz with you.
-Okay.
He'II help you, okay? NARRA TOR: While Nicole heads to the market, Paris dons her sweats to get down and dirty in the kitchen.
FARAAZ: Are you ready to cook some Iamb? Yeah.
-Do you have an apron for yourself? -(LAUGHS) No.
Well, you need to wear one.
Do you have scissors? Come here.
I know what I'm doing.
I don't really want to wear a trash bag.
-Pardon? -I don't really want to wear a trash bag.
Everyone does this in L.
A.
(LAUGHS) That's definitely hot.
-Fonz, you Iook really sexy.
-Thanks.
(GREETING IN URDU) -How are you? -Good, how are you? Nice to see you.
Mohammed.
I'm Iooking for, Iike, your spices, curry Ieaves, Punjabi masala.
-Yes, I have everything here.
-Oh, okay.
Are you Iooking at the Iist? Well, I can't understand anything on the Iist, so I'm just picking spices that I don't understand what they say.
Raisins.
Are you sure you're supposed to be getting all this? Yeah.
And these, too, please.
That's $491.
49.
That's not enough.
(CHUCKLES) NICOLE: You can put my dad's name, he'II pay for it.
-"Mutton.
" AII right.
-"Mutton curry"? AII right.
"A bone shoulder of Iamb.
" The shoulder? (EXCLAIMS) "Two tablespoons of ghee or oil.
" Can you start getting that stuff, sweetheart? "Two tablespoons of curry powder, "a bit of elaichi, salt, vinegar, Iemon juice, tomatoes.
" AII right.
(EXCLAIMS) (LAMB BLEA TlNG) That's sick.
Do you have a bowl or, Iike, a pot? Oh, my God.
Sorry about that.
Do you have a bowl? Can you get that for me? (PHONE RINGING) Salaam lucky-yakki.
Nicole.
Salaam? Salami! They're not answering.
(MUEZZlN CALLlNG TO PRA YER) -Oh, it's prayer time.
-Prayer time, yeah.
-Should we pray? -You wanna pray? We're done.
You didn't Iook at your hands.
PARIS: Your mom is going to kill you.
FARAAZ: But I didn't make the mess, you did.
No, Nicole did.
(BOTH LAUGHING) Tell me about you and Nicole.
What happened? I don't know, I just think, um, some people change when they think that they're a star or something.
And some people stay the same, and I've always been the same, and she's definitely not.
When you and Paris were friends, did you guys have a Iot of good times? I don't know.
-Do you miss her at all? -No.
-What happened? -Nothing happened.
You've never Iost touch with anyone in your Iife? Not with someone that I've been best friends for since, what? Two? Here, I'II get it.
It Iooks Iike a big heart.
Is that blood? -You want gloves? -Yeah.
Oh, my God.
It's so gross.
It Iooks Iike a big head or something.
(EXCLAIMS) (LAMB BLEA TlNG) -I'm gonna heave.
-You have to pick it up.
(GROANS) So disgusting.
-Do you really want to eat this food? -I don't Iike fish, actually.
Let's invite your friends over.
Let's have a party.
If you insist.
Boo-ya.
I think you're supposed to put water before you You can do that part.
PARIS: What was that? (CHUCKLES) Careful! Your mom is going to kill me if your hand gets chopped off.
Don't turn the thing on, please.
-We need to call somebody.
-Like who? I have a perfect person.
(DOORBELL RINGS) -How you doing? -Hi.
-I'm Limar from Roto-Rooter.
-Watch what it does.
(WHIRRING) Okay.
-Shut it off.
-That's pretty bad, right? Yeah.
I think you might have to get it replaced.
FARAAZ: Paris, you can just use the sink water.
-I know how to do it.
-And it's (FARAAZ CHUCKLES) What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna have to get a couple of tools to take that out, and then hopefully I can be on my way.
-Do you have the money? -Not with me.
I didn't know I'd be paying for anything.
I'm a guest.
Do you take cash? (PHONE RlNGS) -ANDREW: Hello? Hey.
-Andrew? -I'm having some people over at Faraaz's.
-Okay.
-Do you have any condoms? -No, I actually don 't.
-DA VlD: Hello? -Hi, David? -Hi.
-Hi, bitch, it's Nicole, how are you? Hey, I'm good.
We were thinking of having a Iittle orgy party here, and we wanted to know if you wanted to come.
-Yeah, I'm really down with that.
-You are? -Yeah.
-Do you have any gerbils? -Hi, Jack.
-JA CK: Yeah? I want to have a Iittle get-together here, so will you come over? Yeah, of course.
I'm with my friend David.
What does he Iook Iike? Is he good-Iooking? Yeah, he is good-looking.
-How big is his -He says it's huge.
Okay, perfect, come over.
Bye.
FARAAZ: You realize you made a complete mess? Yeah, but I'm gonna blame it on you.
Why would you do that? Hey, Faraazi? Paris? -Hello, there.
-PARIS: Hey, honey.
We're cooking dinner.
You're cooking? What happened here? Oh, my God.
I Ieft this house in immaculate condition.
What did you guys do? PARIS: You know what really happened? We were upstairs praying, we came down, and Nicole was in here going insane.
Nicole? We had a beautiful dinner set.
She came down here and She come and destroyed this? It's Iike an explosion here.
Yes.
Well, I'm absolutely shocked and disappointed.
NARRA TOR: Since there's no saving her Pakistani meal, Paris decides to turn the tables.
So now that you showed me about your culture, I want to show you a Iittle bit about my Iife.
And take the Ghauri boys out for a liquid dinner.
Oh, my God.
(TECHNO MUSlC PLA YlNG) -Welcome to my world.
-Oh, we can't wait to see that.
(ALL CHEERING) NARRA TOR: While Paris and the boys are out partying, the party's just beginning for Nicole and Faraaz.
I don't have to tuck my shirt in, do I? Yes.
You're a pimp.
-Can I go in the mirror? -No, I'II do it.
-Is that fine? -Sure, Nicole.
Okay.
(DOORBELL RINGS) Okay, play.
Nice to meet you.
-Good to see you.
-Good to see you.
-Hi.
Nice to meet you.
-Hi, gorgeous.
-Hi.
-Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
-Hi.
-Oh, Aviva.
-Now it's a party.
-NICOLE: Yeah.
(SINGING) -Do you always end up in VIP room? -Yes.
It's nice, right? Snuck you in.
Sit up straight, sexy.
Now you Iook Iike a VIP.
(FARAAZ CHUCKLES) There's a couple of reasons you wanna be in the VIP room.
One, is you have privacy, so you can, Iike, make out and have fun.
And you should always stay in the VIP room, Iike, don't be hungry and, Iike, be on the dance floor all night, because then you Iook Iike a hungry tiger.
Another rule is don't go out on Saturdays, it's so desperate.
We call it "bridge and tunnel" when you're in New York, so it's better to go out, Iike, on Mondays.
-The weekdays? -Yeah, Iike weekdays are so much better.
-Hello, how are you this evening? -ALL: Hi.
-Can I get you something to drink? -NAJIB: Hi, how are you? I'II have a virgin piña colada.
-Okay.
-Virgin.
Wow.
Hardcore.
(GIGGLES) -Truth or dare? -How about you start it off? So, we're thinking, have you and Paris Hilton had sex? Yeah.
-No, for real.
-No.
Just say dare, be a good sport.
Don't kill me.
Okay, try to make a move with some girl in this room.
(ALL LAUGHING) That's it? Kiss the damn woman.
(SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) NARRATOR: Faraaz is a quick learner with the ladies, and in no time, he's looking to hit the big leagues with Nicole.
If only his parents could see him now.
(ALL EXCLAIMING) Hey.
AII your friends? -We were just having a Iittle -Where's your mom? Where's Nicole? I'm right here.
-What happened to your dress? -This is my dress.
I Ieft Nicole to mother you, and I don't smell food.
-Did you cook? -FARAAZ: Oh, well We ate well.
-What did you eat? -Pakistani pizza.
-Pakistani pizza? -Yeah.
Never heard such thing.
Pakistan is in the house! (GIRL WHOOPING) This one goes out to Jojo and Foxy.
(CROWD CHEERING) Come, Faraazi.
He's a baby.
I'm keeping my eyes closed.
-Your wife's gonna kill you.
-I know.
-Where have you guys been? -Hi, we're home.
-Hi, Aiesha.
-Wow, where have you been? I've been waiting.
-Just -PARIS: We were out.
You were out? Where did you go? To this nightclub in Hollywood.
You took Faraaz? He went to a nightclub? -And what was your dad doing? -Dancing on stage with go-go girls.
-Dancing on stage with go-go girls? -No, I was covering my eyes.
He was Iike that, though.
So did you enjoy your experience today? Did you Iearn anything about our traditions and our culture? Yeah, I thought it was really nice, Iike when we prayed.
Like, I really felt something.
I'm Iearning that Pakistani husbands treat their wives Iike princesses, and that's what you're supposed to do.
So tell me, did you make a good, healthy dinner for the family? Yeah, we had great pepperoni pizza.
Pepperoni? -We're not allowed to have pepperoni.
-Oh.
I didn't have any.
We played truth or dare.
He kissed a girl.
It was great.
He kissed a girl? -He would not do that.
-Faraaz.
-You're just playing with us, aren't you? -Yes, I'm just playing.
He wouldn't do that.
(AIESHA LAUGHS) Okay.
Being Mrs.
Ghauri for the day was nice.
She has a very devoted husband and a very well-behaved son, so she must be doing something right.
While I was out, I wanted to give you this as a Iittle token of our culture.
Thank you.
Thank you, I Iove it.
I really do Iove it.
Thank you.
-I got you a present, too.
-You did? -I'm afraid to open it, though.
-It's your favorite color.
It's so sweet of you.
-This is great, did you see this? -Wow.
You know what, I'm gonna wear this in Pakistan.
I think Paris will be a good mom.
I mean, she's got to mature a bit, but she seems very sweet.
(SPEAKING URDU) Nicole taught Faraaz some things, maybe I may not approve of, but they both did a good job embracing the culture.
-Bye, guys.
-Bye.
Take care.
NARRA TOR: Paris and Nicole head back to their own pop culture.
But as it turns out, the Ghauris have made a lasting impression on them.
What's up with the mat? (MUEZZlN CALLlNG TO PRA YER) -I have to pray before we go.
-What? -You're done with your reps? -Yeah.
We're already Iate.
-You pray for us? -PARIS: Yeah.
-Good.
-And for Tinkerbell.
-Obviously, the family.
-Yeah.
And my car.
(MUEZZlN CALLlNG TO PRA YER) NARRA TOR: Next on The Simple Life.
Shake it! The girls learn the secrets to keeping the spark in a marriage alive.
We practice nonverbal communication.
What the hell is that? Don't ever get that answer wrong again.
Let's go golf.
PARIS: Brakes don't work.
(SCREAMING)