The Upshaws (2021) s04e02 Episode Script

1
[funky instrumental music plays]
I'm happy to sit here.
I know what I make an hour.
[chuckles]
Will it bother you
if I play with these little clacky balls?
Oh shit! Are you flirting with me?
You wish.
You're here for one reason only.
I want your perspective on Regina.
Oh no, I ain't about to throw no dirt
on my wife in front of no stranger.
If Regina's batshit crazy,
that's my business.
Look at you, knowing technical terms.
I'm not here to push you.
But at 75 an hour,
I can just clack, clack, clack, clack.
Seventy-five American?
Shit, you're selling therapy by the gram.
Look, if she could be fixed,
I would've fixed her.
If you believed that,
would you be sitting here?
Remember, anything you say
is strictly between us.
[machine humming, water bubbling]
Damn, y'all swim loud!
Ah!
Ain't no electricity in the ocean.
You'll be fine. Hold your breath.
Oh hell no, that's my name.
Don't mind me. I was just looking for
Did I leave my
You know, I'm pretty sure that I dropped
Dig deep, baby. You'll find a good lie.
See, that's exactly
what I was talking about.
Talking? You talking? What you saying?
Look, Doc, she makes things harder
than what they need to be.
She's the only person I know
that adds corners in her life.
You know, it's a good thing
that I came in here
because clearly
you are not taking this seriously.
How you gon' crash up in here on me
like the Kool-Aid Man
and tell me that I'm doing this wrong?
The Kool-Aid Man? Oh no.
No, I think you meant, "Oh yeah!"
What does it even matter what I say?
She's the one
that walked out on our family.
Excuse you.
I did not walk out on our family.
Sure you did.
And now I got to 'scuse you.
Regina, you had a depressive episode,
and we are all here to help you with that,
but don't whitewash it.
You walked out.
Now, the point is to understand why.
Oh shit!
That therapy thing got to your ass!
Boom. Ah!
I'm gonna hit her with the therapy ♪
Okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You got one more body roll
and butterfly, all right?
Okay, I'll do it one more time. Mm!
Sit your ass down.
[vocalizing]
Solid as a rock ♪
[vocalizing]
Solid, solid, solid, solid ♪
Regina?
Regina?
Any sad bitches in the house?
Ooh! Time to get
my batteries out the fridge
and play a little me and Mrs. Me.
We about to have a thang going on.
- [Lucretia yelps]
- Hey, Auntie.
Boy!
What the hell's wrong with you?
You know heart shit runs in our family.
And where'd you get a key?
From this big ring.
- I'm your super.
- [Lucretia] Oh.
Only thing that needs servicing
around here, I can handle.
You texted me last night
your bathroom faucet was dripping.
And you're gonna fix it with that binder?
I need to get a new super.
No, the binder's
because I need to ask for a favor.
If that's your lookbook for Grindr,
I ain't helping you with that.
I'm in a relationship,
and how do you think phones work?
Just get to the favor.
The spot where I box is for sale.
With money I've saved,
I can take over the lease,
but I need cash for transitional costs.
I spent a few weeks
putting together this prospectus, and
Well, damn, you could at least pretend
to flip some pages
before you crush a man's dreams.
We don't need all that.
Come on, you've been talking
about opening a gym for years.
It's about time you actually went for it.
I'm proud of you.
You know I got you, Nephew.
Thank you, Auntie. [laughs]
You're welcome.
You know what?
Not for nothing,
but you just leapfrogged your mama
in getting my money when I go.
I don't know what to do with all that,
but I get my gym money now, right?
- Yes. Now get out.
- [chuckling]
Give me all Regina's shit.
Too many people know where I live.
Bennie, get the hell out of my house.
This ain't no jackass crossing.
Lucretia, why are you sitting there
looking like an expired almond?
Regina's moving home.
Don't you play with me.
No. I told her what's what,
and even her therapist agreed with me.
- Agreed with you?
- [Bennie] Yeah.
- Did we ever check if she was accredited?
- Boy, who cares? I got packing to do.
This is a big-ass house to die alone in.
[Lucretia] I'll take you with me,
you Black plague.
Mom finally decided to come home?
No, Mom did not.
[Bennie] More or less.
Bennie, I did not appreciate
that little gesture on the freeway.
Huh! You was impressed.
I had to drive with my knees for a minute.
[chuckles]
[Lucretia] One of you lend a hand.
She's got a lot of shit.
Cree, put that room back.
You've done some excellent work.
I don't wanna kill your momentum.
Bernard, get the trash bags.
- If you want my opinion, I feel
- We don't. Oh my God. We don't want
I was actually gonna agree with you.
Uh, you heard your father.
Nobody's interested.
I did your little therapy.
We supposed to be good.
Well, it wasn't as helpful
as you seem to think it was.
You never told me I had to be helpful.
You just told me I had to do it.
Well, now I'm telling you
that I am not ready to come home!
Then we are going to get you
a big-titty straitjacket.
[laughing]
You told me what you needed to come back,
and I did all of that.
Now you don't wanna come back.
The math ain't mathing up, Regina.
I don't have to defend my progress,
all right?
So if y'all want me home,
then you can drag my ass there,
kicking and cussing.
Okay, well, don't threaten me
with no good time, woman.
- Bernard, grab her other leg.
- Oh!
This is insane!
No, no, no. You are.
But we don't care now.
So get the fuck home.
Make her listen to me.
Uh, uh, uh! Hey, hey, hey!
Boundaries.
Gotta make sure I got the right look
for my driver's permit.
Why are you looking at pants? They can't
see below your shoulders, idiot.
How she feels in the outfit
will be reflected in her face.
Hey, you don't always
have to be hanging out with us.
If you're so bored, go dribble something.
No. I'm actually
supposed to be carbo-loading.
Then go bake your ass some bread.
I could go in on a cookie.
Y'all got any Nutter Butters?
Hey, bring me one too.
I'm only getting one for Savannah.
- I thought she'd never leave.
- Stop talking.
We only have until she finds out
where I hid the Nutter Butters.
Eric, where's my money?
Oh, you're not Eric.
No, I'm Peg. I don't think
anybody wants to be Eric right now.
Well, I need to talk to him
because I went to get a cashier's check,
and they told me
that the IRS drained my savings account.
They got you too, huh? That's happened
to a lot of Eric's clients.
There's talk of a class-action lawsuit,
but nobody has the money to hire a lawyer.
Wait
But I don't understand. I paid my taxes.
No, Eric made you think
you paid your taxes.
But I signed returns.
We all signed returns!
He filed the returns
but pocketed the money.
Damn!
What? He got you too? Don't you work here?
Not after I burn this shit down!
Hold up! Hold up! Hold up!
Shouldn't we do this at his house?
You're smart. [chuckles]
I'm sorry all your money's gone.
Damn. All my money's gone.
I I can't lose my money.
How am I gon' pay for shit?
I need shit.
What am I gon' tell Bernard?
Damn. What am I gon' tell Regina?
Oh shit. I can't tell Regina.
I can't tell anybody.
Peg, I might have to kill you.
That bastard took my pension.
At this point, I'm ready to go.
Bennie, Regina's already told me
about the stolen money,
your child with another woman.
Although I have to ask,
do you really call his son a bastard?
Get me a dictionary.
If I'm wrong, I'll apologize.
Well, we'll save that for next week.
You two have been through a lot.
Her heart attack,
gambling issues, and jail, apparently.
Now, hey, that was a quick jail.
Why you got to call me out twice, Doc?
Any jail is too much jail.
Regina, these are not small things
you've overcome,
but you've overcome them.
- Then why is she quitting?
- What? [scoffs]
Regina Upshaw does not quit.
Just school and your job?
Those had extenuating circumstances.
What I'm hearing is Bennie being
very supportive of your return home,
and that's a blessing.
Especially after all your years together.
How many couples last this long
out of high school?
Getting a girl pregnant
has a way of keeping her around.
You got a third woman pregnant?
Now, this may be out of frame,
but what the hell is wrong with you?
I'm talking about our son, Bernard.
- Your oldest?
- Yeah.
I thought you said
you had him after college.
I I did have him after college.
I just also had him before college.
Regina, why would you not tell me
you got pregnant in high school?
'Cause therapy don't seem like the place
to be bringing up old shit.
Yeah, see, she all in here lying.
She's not using therapy to get better.
She's using therapy for a vacation.
- Vacation?
- Yeah.
[scoffs]
Yeah, you all in here
talking about, "Oh, it's so hard,"
then you run over
to Lucretia's nice-ass place.
No job, no kids, no me.
That's not fair!
No, it's not.
But we on the same page now.
I don't want you coming home either.
I told you it'd be helpful
to bring in your husband.
Listen, I'm
I'm sorry that we disturbed your lunch.
I don't care nothing about this lunch.
They didn't even put the damn sauce
on the side.
Come on.
Let's talk.
[somber instrumental music plays]
Why am I holding a full lint trap?
This is a damn fire hazard.
You trying to make me
lose my house and my business?
And why are all these damn lights on?
- Am I paying for this?
- Tenants pay their own utilities.
Then can I finish my book down here?
Do you wanna talk
about whatever's going on?
No, I do not.
Just do better.
Wait, wait, wait. Look.
Since you're here,
I got something to say thank you
for believing in my gym
and me.
Uh, shit.
- Bernard, I can't give you the money.
- But I bought you a robe.
And I'll wear it, but that's all I got.
But this morning, you said you got me.
What happened?
I mean, are you even sure
this is your dream?
I mean, look, you box at UPS.
Now you wanna box at a gym.
Seems to me you're free associating.
And, besides,
starting a business is hard.
Most of them fail.
Also, inflation.
Uh, the the the market.
The the the trends in the market.
- Market trends.
- [Bernard] Just stop.
It was a nice little tap dance,
but I'd rather you just say
you don't believe in me.
Excuse you?
How many years have we known each other?
Well, then, what's the problem?
I mean, you got the money.
Wait.
Do you not have the money?
Of course I got the money, fool.
I'm rich as hell.
It's just, you know,
these overseas accounts.
It gets confusing
with the time zones and the
continental shelf.
It's it's tricky.
Okay, so are you giving me the money
or not?
I can't think of a single reason I can't.
Oh, thank God. Sorry I got a little hot,
but you scared the shit out of me.
Thought I was gonna have to get
a third job or a sugar daddy.
Interesting.
[funky instrumental music plays]
How you gon' be done with Regina?
That's like splitting up
with cotton candy,
which obviously I did.
Who even knows
if that's the same Regina that I got with?
With her crazy ass,
there could be nine of her in there.
Nine Reginas?
Look, I ain't the one that put us here,
so whatever happened, it's on her.
Marriage is a covenant before God.
When two people are united,
they must walk through this world as one.
How about you be the one to walk
to the store and get the parts we need?
"We"? I don't work for you.
I work for the Lord now.
- Then why you back here hanging around?
- Because I thought we was friends.
Well, friends do for friends.
And while you're at it,
get a radiator coil and some Cheetos.
In Jesus' name.
Hey, hey, hey.
Uh, this may be a long shot,
but any one of you got a book?
You know damn well I don't read.
If there's something I need to know,
I just know it.
Why haven't you clocked out yet?
Relax. I'm killing time.
My girl's ovulating, and there's a window.
Oh, so y'all trying to have a kid.
Ah, she is.
I'm just waiting for that window to close.
The Bible says be fruitful and multiply.
Have that baby.
His seed is the only thing he controls
in that relationship.
Thank you. [chuckles]
Besides, he already got
that Hungarian kid he can't see.
He don't need another one ignoring him.
I told you
to never talk about Orlov again.
I'm going to take a nap.
So, you just ain't gon' say nothing
about how thin I am?
Oh yeah. [chuckles]
I wanted to ask you,
uh, how long you been on that shit?
[funky instrumental music plays]
Bennie. [panting]
- We need to talk.
- I don't have the energy for this shit.
I know what's going on with me.
The movie's supposed to suck,
but it's got three post-credit scenes.
Three?
Good to know. I'll pee during second unit.
Ooh, y'all going to a movie?
- What we seeing?
- Leave us alone, you damn barnacle.
We can't do this anymore.
Look, Savannah and I are sorry
things didn't work out
with your mom's boyfriend
or your new school
or whatever made you come here, but
- Me!
- Girl, relax. I'll tag you in.
- Savannah, it's cool.
- No, it ain't.
Kelvin is here for me.
We're boo-ed up, real bad.
- We didn't know how to tell you.
- It was a soft launch.
And I know you're going through a lot
with your mom, and I hate that,
but you can't be talking
to my man like this.
Man?
What man?
All I see is Kelvin
trying to force his way into a movie
like you don't gotta pre-buy tickets.
Aaliyah, process.
Damn.
That's what's up?
That's cool.
- Uh, y'all go without me. I'm good.
- Girl, no, that's not what we're saying.
I know, but y'all a couple,
and I've been third-wheeling
all over that.
She ain't lying.
She didn't know
she was smothering our fire.
You really okay?
It's my brother and my best friend.
Why wouldn't I be happy?
Because it goes against God!
They probably been kissing
all in my house.
[funky instrumental music plays]
Ugh, I hate strapless bras.
Get your shit together, Peg.
We trying to land a rich dude or woman.
We just gotta be like those truffle pigs
and just sniff out the goods.
Are you sure this is going to work?
It better. It's the only plan I got.
I'm so glad we met.
This is a much better idea than arson.
We'll see.
But hold on to your matches.
Uh, Macallan 18, please.
You know, just go down a shelf.
Down again.
Just give me something from the well
and put an umbrella in it.
And your cheapest Chardonnay.
[clears throat]
Can I buy that for you?
You most certainly can.
- That's a debit card.
- Get that shit out of here!
Now, that had a nice ting to it.
Let's hope there's not a Mrs. Platinum.
Hey, Daddy.
Play your cards right,
all this can be yours.
I fold.
It's it's it's the cane, right?
Look, I don't need it.
At least buy a sister a drink
or a boxing gym.
[tuts] Come on, man.
Oh! Spasm.
Oh shit!
[moans] Get my cane, Peg! Get my cane!
Ah, shit!
[moans]
Aunt Lucretia?
No.
I was at Hardee's.
My normal spot,
working the fryer. [chuckles]
Get that onion-ring hookup.
That shift, though,
the smell was hitting me weird. [inhales]
And I had been off all week.
And I told my manager, oh, um
Marl Marlene?
Charlene?
Something with a 'lene.
Maybe that's how she stood.
[both laugh]
Anyway, I'd I'd asked her
if I could switch and work the register.
I told her how I'd been feeling,
and she was all
[lisping] "Ooh, sounds like
somebody's pregnant."
[both chuckle]
I mean, I knew she was joking around, but
nine blue sticks later,
it was no joke.
I was pregnant.
And I spent the entire shift
trying to figure out how to tell you.
How to tell Mom and Dad.
[laughing] It was Christmastime,
and I thought,
"Oh, Regina, go for that whole
Immaculate Conception vibe."
[chuckles]
When I told them,
hmm, they were not happy.
I knew they wouldn't be,
but, to their credit,
they didn't punish me.
They didn't throw me out. They [sighs]
They supported me, the whole family.
Everybody supported me.
Mama, she
she taught me how to hold
Bernard's little ears closed at bath time
so that he wouldn't get soap in them.
[laughing]
[Regina] Lucretia.
Shit, she
She's never stopped stepping up for me.
And she never lets me forget it.
Anyway, okay, so [sighs]
what's going on inside?
Uh
What we did
changed everybody's lives.
What I did changed everybody's lives,
and I see it like that.
What I did. I slipped up,
and I was never gonna
let that happen again.
So I did what I've been doing
for 30 damn years.
I take control, and I push, and I push.
Had to get you set up.
Had to get me set up.
Had to finish school
'cause that's how you get a job.
Had to go back to school
'cause that's how you get a better job.
Finish raising the baby
and then have two more.
And then adjust to a third.
And make peace
with the third.
Can't slow down.
Don't slow down. [laughs]
Even a damn heart attack
couldn't slow my ass down.
No, I just jumped right out the hospital
and went back to work.
That's what I do.
I just push and keep pushing
and keep pushing and push,
and then
that grad-school acceptance letter came,
and it just felt
like one more fucking obligation.
Something else to just pile on!
[inhales shakily, chuckles wryly]
But that's on me.
That's what I do
'cause I'm supposed to be the best.
That's what my family said.
"Regina, you're the best of us."
And the best doesn't take a break.
The best has to be,
in my mind, everything to everybody.
But what happens
when the best doesn't feel seen?
You cannot expect others to see you
if you don't see yourself.
And see yourself, Regina,
for who you are now,
not the teenage girl
working so hard
to to to outrun the mistake.
So you keep pushing and going.
I'm not the teenage girl anymore!
[Regina sighs]
I'm so tired.
And I don't have to be.
[exhales deeply]
Is that it?
No, baby.
I I just didn't wanna cut you off.
I'm done.
Good. Then we'll do all of that.
You tired?
I'll turn on some smooth jazz right now,
and you could take a nap right now.
[Regina laughs]
- No.
- Get on in there and go to sleep.
[laughing]
No, Bennie.
Then let's go find Bernard.
You need someone
to help hold his ears? I got you.
Okay.
Feels like you heard the words
but maybe missed some meaning.
You know, baby, I just heard
a bunch of shit that's gon' get you home.
I just wanna get you home.
But, baby, being home
means that I have to put myself first.
I have to make me a priority.
I don't know how to do that. Uh
It feels selfish.
I don't know how to be selfish.
Hell, I'm selfish all the time.
Just follow my lead.
But just come home.
Wait.
Are you kissing me for you,
or are you kissing me for me?
But I'm good either way.
I just didn't wanna set you off again.
Look at my man listening. [chuckles]
- Bennie.
- Hmm?
I I just had a breakthrough.
Oh yeah?
You know, I heard of something
called breakthrough sex.
- [Bennie] Oh yeah?
- Uh-huh.
Mm. Okay, baby.
You know this car got flat seats,
don't you?
Ooh! You so bad! [giggles]
[Bennie laughs]
[both scream]
Tony, man, what the hell?
Uh, I wasn't listening.
[sniffling] You're a very brave woman,
Regina.
Get the hell out of here, man.
[theme music playing]