The Wonder Years s04e02 Episode Script
Ninth Grade Man
What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song I will try not to sing out of key, yeah Oh, baby, I get by By with a little help from my friends All I need is my buddies High with a little help from my friends I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher - Try with a little help from my friends Whoa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh Somebody who knows quite sure Baby By with a little help from my friends Said I'm gonna make it with my friends Try with a little help from my friends Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying High with a little help from my friends I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby Ooh, ooh, ooh Once upon a time life was simple, evolutionarily speaking.
Then Things began to change.
The competition got tougher.
There were winners And losers.
The struggle continued.
Then in the fall of 1970, a new creature appeared, the likes of which had never been seen before.
[ Strauss' "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" plays .]
Noble, upright, virtuous 9th-grade man Master of all he surveyed.
Which in this case was Woody's pizza barn, where the elite went to meet.
Yep, by the last week of summer, I was feeling pretty good about myself.
Life seemed full of promise, full of hope, full of Patchy dry spots.
I'm getting patchy dry spots.
Relax, Paul.
You're just having back-to-school jitters.
By tomorrow, you'll be fine.
Sure.
Only What if something goes wrong? What if I wear the wrong clothes? What if I forget Paul! I gotta go put on some ointment.
Okay, so not everyone shared my sense of well-being.
That was understandable.
Not everyone had a steady girl like mine Winnie Cooper.
So long as we had each other, we had nothing to fear.
I'm scared.
What? Well, I am.
Winnie, stop worrying.
Everybody's gonna like ya.
That's easy for you to say.
You're not starting in a new school.
All the strange classrooms.
The strange people.
And you'll be so far away.
You won't forget about me, will you? What?! Will you think about me? Of course I'll think about you.
Think about me every hour, on the hour.
And I'll think about you.
Winnie Promise? Every hour? [ Sighs .]
I promise.
Sure.
I'd promise her the world.
Why not? I was 9th-grade man.
And I was ready for anything.
This is mine.
Make that almost anything.
Tony? Barbella? Welcome back.
I thought he graduated.
I graduate every year.
Oh.
And this is my locker.
Great.
Three minutes into the new year, and the first face I see belongs on the wall at the post office.
Still, I could handle this.
No.
I-I-I don't think so, Tony.
See, that's your locker.
Over there.
Remember? Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There.
Simple reasoning.
Solid logic.
So, I guess I got two now, huh? Lucky me.
Yeah, but do you think you could deal with that? Because if you can't, I'm gonna have to take your thumb and bend it back to your elbow.
Seemed Tony had a logic of his own.
Help yourself.
After all, no sense letting one gorilla ruin my whole day.
[ School bell rings .]
I had places to go, things to do, lockers to find people to meet.
This is my locker.
Becky! Hi! Becky Slater once my Nemesis, but now just a good friend.
I hate you, Kevin! What? Why? As if you didn't know.
- But - Don't play dumb with me, Kevin.
You introduced us.
And that answered that.
With just one little question What's she talking about? Craig Hobson.
Didn't you hear? He dumped her.
Then he left for military school.
[ Locker slams .]
This is your fault! But I don't get mad.
I get even! Kind a like having your own personal welcome wagon waiting at the door.
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America Okay, so things were starting off a little bumpy.
I wasn't worried.
I had more important things to do One nation under God like think about Winnie.
With liberty and justice for all.
Yep, in two minutes, she'd be thinking about me.
Poor kid, all alone at a new school.
I can only hope someone would be nice enough to say [ Chimes tinkle .]
Huh-uh-uh Uh-huh-huh Huh-unnnnh! [ Pencil rattles .]
Gulp! Excuse me.
You, uh D-dropped this.
And I Uh, um Uh, pick picked it up.
For you.
Thank you.
Kevin.
[ Electricity buzzes .]
Fact lead conducts electricity.
[ Buzzing continues .]
I wonder if you could help me.
Is this class on the other side of the quad? Uh Y-yeah.
Yeah yeah, just Down and to the left.
Thank you.
You bet.
[ School bell rings .]
[ Indistinct talking .]
Darn it! Okay, so I dropped the ball.
Just being hospitable.
Winnie would understand.
I don't understand this! Huh? My schedule! Look what they gave me.
Chemistry! So, what's wrong with that? Are you kidding? You know what happens when I get near chemicals.
I'm allergic to soap! [ Sighs .]
Paul I knew this year was gonna be a disaster.
Well, what'd you get? Uh, let me see.
I bet you got something neat, like astronomy, or physics! Sure, something neat, like, say [ Power saw buzzing .]
industrial arts? Shop?! [ Hammering .]
It was encouraging to know the board of education had such confidence in my intellectual prowess.
Hey.
Hey, don't stand next to that machine.
What? Why? That baby ate ray spike's index finger.
It's kind of a shrine.
You're new here, aren't ya? Yeah.
But it's a mistake.
[ Chuckles .]
That's what they all say.
No.
Really.
See, there's been a mistake on my schedule.
If it had been a blueprint, this kid might have been able to read it.
But since it was in English, it was pretty obvious he didn't have a clue.
Is there a teacher here? Ah, yeah, Nestor.
But, uh, you don't want to talk to Nestor.
Of course I did.
After all, he was a teacher, an employee of the public-school system.
Where is he? Over there.
All right! Let's go! I got it.
[ Students cheering .]
It's up.
[ Grunts .]
It's clear! [ Grunts .]
[ Students cheering .]
All right, bulletheads.
Get back to it.
Uh, Mr.
Nestor? Yo! Hi.
I'm Kevin Arnold.
- That so? - Yeah.
I was wondering if I could speak to you about my schedule? Schedule? Huh? [ Clatter .]
- Uh Yes, sir.
About this class?! This class? Huh? Well, I think possibly there's been a mistake! Mistake?! Huh?! Okay.
So far, so good So far as I could tell.
Yeah.
Well The fact is, I'm not very good in industrial arts! I think I'd be better at something like, uh, chemistry, or, uh Masha! Your eyes! Watch your eyes! Bullethead.
Oh, where were we? Well, as silly as it sounds, uh, I think they've got the wrong Arnold.
Wrong Arnold? Huh?! Uh, right.
So Ferber, no, no.
Not the screwdriver.
The chisel.
Idiot.
So you want out? Is that it? Kinda.
I mean, if that'd be all right with you.
Okay.
I'll let you out.
- [ Sighs .]
- There.
Finally! There's only one thing, though.
You gotta arm-wrestle me for it.
Uh-huh.
Things were starting off with a bang.
And it wasn't even lunch yet.
If misery loves company I tell you, Kev, this is great! I was hanging out with the wrong guy.
Chemistry is such a fascinating science.
The wonder of water.
The mystery of fire.
Uh-huh.
Not to mention the remains of ray spike's finger.
If fact, even that seemingly ordinary fish stick is in reality a miraculous latticework of Paul.
Huh? Will you cut it out? I'm trying to eat here! Well, sorry.
[ Sighs .]
I need a locker.
Well, there's got to be an empty one somewhere.
I know.
Maybe I could share yours.
Mine? Yeah, sure.
Why not? Well, I-I guess I can make some room Great.
In the back, in the corner.
Exactly how long are you gonna be staying? [ Sighs .]
Never mind.
Come on, Kev.
I-it's not so bad.
Things will work out.
Yeah, that's easy for you to say.
Still, maybe Paul had a point.
The day was only half over.
Maybe it was just a matter of seeing the glass half full Or half empty.
Or completely empty.
I hate men.
Répétez après moi! Bonjour, la classe! Bonjour, madame.
Bonjour, la classe.
Bonjour, madame.
Now, here was something hopeful.
Shop was foreign to me.
French was simply a language I didn't understand.
Bonjour, madame.
Class, this year we're going to try something new.
From now on, we're only going to speak en Français.
C'est bien? [ Scattered groans .]
All right.
Who would like to go first? Guillaume.
Comment allez-vous aujourd'hui? Frère Jacques? [ Laughter .]
[ Chuckles .]
Uh-huh.
Things were getting back to normal.
And I wasn't gonna miss my 1:00 "think about Winnie" promise.
Mademoiselle.
Dites-moi votre nom, s'il vous plaît.
Je m'appelle Madeleine.
C'est excellent, mademoiselle.
Merci beaucoup.
[ Speaking French .]
[ Speaking French .]
And suddenly I understood why French was the language of diplomacy, of poetry, of romance, of Amore! Suddenly I understood every single word.
[ Speaking French .]
[ Speaking French .]
Hey, it was the only thing I knew in French.
Kevin.
Madeline.
Kevin! [ Children snickering .]
En Français, s'il vous plaît! [ Laughter .]
[ School bell rings .]
Darn it! This much was clear in any language I needed help.
I had to take action, seek answers.
Come in.
Yep, this is what I needed a man of wisdom, a man of vision, a man Who taught gym.
Ah, Arnold.
Mr.
Cutlip? What can I do for you? I, uh I came to see the guidance counselor.
Is he in? Mrs.
Dalla Betta is the regular guidance man.
I'm just filling in.
Temporarily.
Till December.
Can it wait? Well Um Relax, Arnold.
Take a load off.
Have a seat.
Right.
I understand your hesitation.
You're thinking, "Ed Cutlip", "a crack physical education instructor.
What's a man of action like him doing in a Swivel chair?" Am I right? Well Unusual? Maybe.
Unexpected? Certainly.
But think of it this way, Arnold.
There might be more in this old bean [ Tink, tink .]
Than meets the eye.
Maybe I can even help.
And the way he said it, for one moment, I actually wondered if he could help.
Peanut? No.
No.
Thanks.
Come on, son.
What is it? [ Sighs .]
It's 9th grade.
Ah.
It's not turning out the way I thought it would.
I-I don't have a locker, and my classes are all wrong and I see.
You do? It's a complex problem, but there's a simple solution.
There is? Maybe I had him wrong.
Maybe there was more to Ed Cutlip than met the eye.
So, what do we do now? Laps! [ Whistle blows .]
Well, think of it this way.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
The way this day was going, I was probably better off being alone.
And suddenly I knew what ouster felt like.
Great sitting bull herself.
And she was gaining on me.
Instinctively I knew this was a challenge, a test And I was up to it.
[ Panting .]
Sure, it was dumb, but at that moment, all I knew was I had to win.
[ Girls cheering .]
I pulled up even.
I pulled ahead.
[ Cheering .]
As we rounded that final turn, I felt like I had wings.
Sure, maybe I couldn't find a locker.
Maybe I was stuck in shop.
But I was gonna beat this girl.
I was gonna win this race.
This was gonna be a massacre.
[ Strauss' "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" plays .]
Heh heh.
No hard feelings, huh, slates? Ugh! Ugh.
Ohh.
[ Breathing heavily .]
And that about did it.
The perfect end to a perfect day.
Kevin? [ Chimes tinkling .]
Madeline? She'd seen the whole thing.
The whole humiliating episode! [ Groans .]
It was pretty clear she'd come over to laugh at me.
I just came over to thank you.
Huh? For being nice to me.
You don't know how hard it is to be the new girl in school.
[ Exhales .]
And then it happened.
Something inside of me snapped.
- Kev? - Later! I'd had enough.
I'd been pushed too far.
And I knew what I had to do.
Hey! Barbella! I want my locker back.
Now! [ Scoffs .]
9th-grade man noble, upright, virtuous.
I went into my last year of junior high thinking I knew all the answers.
And suddenly all I had were questions.
Plus a dislocated thumb.
It's funny.
I remembered a time when I knew who I was.
But that was eight hours ago.
Suddenly I felt on the outside, looking in.
Looking for Winnie.
Hi.
How was your day? I wanted to tell her everything, every bit of it.
All the setbacks, all the screw-ups.
Fine.
Heck.
I knew she'd understand.
How about yours? Okay.
After all, when you're 14, you can't always put words to life.
Be my baby now All I knew was I felt home again.
Be my, be my baby Be my little baby My one and only baby Oh oh oh oh Be my, be my baby Oh oh oh oh You don't know how hard it is to be the new girl in school.
Be my, be my baby Be my little baby My one and only baby Oh oh oh oh Be my, be my baby Oh oh oh oh
Then Things began to change.
The competition got tougher.
There were winners And losers.
The struggle continued.
Then in the fall of 1970, a new creature appeared, the likes of which had never been seen before.
[ Strauss' "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" plays .]
Noble, upright, virtuous 9th-grade man Master of all he surveyed.
Which in this case was Woody's pizza barn, where the elite went to meet.
Yep, by the last week of summer, I was feeling pretty good about myself.
Life seemed full of promise, full of hope, full of Patchy dry spots.
I'm getting patchy dry spots.
Relax, Paul.
You're just having back-to-school jitters.
By tomorrow, you'll be fine.
Sure.
Only What if something goes wrong? What if I wear the wrong clothes? What if I forget Paul! I gotta go put on some ointment.
Okay, so not everyone shared my sense of well-being.
That was understandable.
Not everyone had a steady girl like mine Winnie Cooper.
So long as we had each other, we had nothing to fear.
I'm scared.
What? Well, I am.
Winnie, stop worrying.
Everybody's gonna like ya.
That's easy for you to say.
You're not starting in a new school.
All the strange classrooms.
The strange people.
And you'll be so far away.
You won't forget about me, will you? What?! Will you think about me? Of course I'll think about you.
Think about me every hour, on the hour.
And I'll think about you.
Winnie Promise? Every hour? [ Sighs .]
I promise.
Sure.
I'd promise her the world.
Why not? I was 9th-grade man.
And I was ready for anything.
This is mine.
Make that almost anything.
Tony? Barbella? Welcome back.
I thought he graduated.
I graduate every year.
Oh.
And this is my locker.
Great.
Three minutes into the new year, and the first face I see belongs on the wall at the post office.
Still, I could handle this.
No.
I-I-I don't think so, Tony.
See, that's your locker.
Over there.
Remember? Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There.
Simple reasoning.
Solid logic.
So, I guess I got two now, huh? Lucky me.
Yeah, but do you think you could deal with that? Because if you can't, I'm gonna have to take your thumb and bend it back to your elbow.
Seemed Tony had a logic of his own.
Help yourself.
After all, no sense letting one gorilla ruin my whole day.
[ School bell rings .]
I had places to go, things to do, lockers to find people to meet.
This is my locker.
Becky! Hi! Becky Slater once my Nemesis, but now just a good friend.
I hate you, Kevin! What? Why? As if you didn't know.
- But - Don't play dumb with me, Kevin.
You introduced us.
And that answered that.
With just one little question What's she talking about? Craig Hobson.
Didn't you hear? He dumped her.
Then he left for military school.
[ Locker slams .]
This is your fault! But I don't get mad.
I get even! Kind a like having your own personal welcome wagon waiting at the door.
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America Okay, so things were starting off a little bumpy.
I wasn't worried.
I had more important things to do One nation under God like think about Winnie.
With liberty and justice for all.
Yep, in two minutes, she'd be thinking about me.
Poor kid, all alone at a new school.
I can only hope someone would be nice enough to say [ Chimes tinkle .]
Huh-uh-uh Uh-huh-huh Huh-unnnnh! [ Pencil rattles .]
Gulp! Excuse me.
You, uh D-dropped this.
And I Uh, um Uh, pick picked it up.
For you.
Thank you.
Kevin.
[ Electricity buzzes .]
Fact lead conducts electricity.
[ Buzzing continues .]
I wonder if you could help me.
Is this class on the other side of the quad? Uh Y-yeah.
Yeah yeah, just Down and to the left.
Thank you.
You bet.
[ School bell rings .]
[ Indistinct talking .]
Darn it! Okay, so I dropped the ball.
Just being hospitable.
Winnie would understand.
I don't understand this! Huh? My schedule! Look what they gave me.
Chemistry! So, what's wrong with that? Are you kidding? You know what happens when I get near chemicals.
I'm allergic to soap! [ Sighs .]
Paul I knew this year was gonna be a disaster.
Well, what'd you get? Uh, let me see.
I bet you got something neat, like astronomy, or physics! Sure, something neat, like, say [ Power saw buzzing .]
industrial arts? Shop?! [ Hammering .]
It was encouraging to know the board of education had such confidence in my intellectual prowess.
Hey.
Hey, don't stand next to that machine.
What? Why? That baby ate ray spike's index finger.
It's kind of a shrine.
You're new here, aren't ya? Yeah.
But it's a mistake.
[ Chuckles .]
That's what they all say.
No.
Really.
See, there's been a mistake on my schedule.
If it had been a blueprint, this kid might have been able to read it.
But since it was in English, it was pretty obvious he didn't have a clue.
Is there a teacher here? Ah, yeah, Nestor.
But, uh, you don't want to talk to Nestor.
Of course I did.
After all, he was a teacher, an employee of the public-school system.
Where is he? Over there.
All right! Let's go! I got it.
[ Students cheering .]
It's up.
[ Grunts .]
It's clear! [ Grunts .]
[ Students cheering .]
All right, bulletheads.
Get back to it.
Uh, Mr.
Nestor? Yo! Hi.
I'm Kevin Arnold.
- That so? - Yeah.
I was wondering if I could speak to you about my schedule? Schedule? Huh? [ Clatter .]
- Uh Yes, sir.
About this class?! This class? Huh? Well, I think possibly there's been a mistake! Mistake?! Huh?! Okay.
So far, so good So far as I could tell.
Yeah.
Well The fact is, I'm not very good in industrial arts! I think I'd be better at something like, uh, chemistry, or, uh Masha! Your eyes! Watch your eyes! Bullethead.
Oh, where were we? Well, as silly as it sounds, uh, I think they've got the wrong Arnold.
Wrong Arnold? Huh?! Uh, right.
So Ferber, no, no.
Not the screwdriver.
The chisel.
Idiot.
So you want out? Is that it? Kinda.
I mean, if that'd be all right with you.
Okay.
I'll let you out.
- [ Sighs .]
- There.
Finally! There's only one thing, though.
You gotta arm-wrestle me for it.
Uh-huh.
Things were starting off with a bang.
And it wasn't even lunch yet.
If misery loves company I tell you, Kev, this is great! I was hanging out with the wrong guy.
Chemistry is such a fascinating science.
The wonder of water.
The mystery of fire.
Uh-huh.
Not to mention the remains of ray spike's finger.
If fact, even that seemingly ordinary fish stick is in reality a miraculous latticework of Paul.
Huh? Will you cut it out? I'm trying to eat here! Well, sorry.
[ Sighs .]
I need a locker.
Well, there's got to be an empty one somewhere.
I know.
Maybe I could share yours.
Mine? Yeah, sure.
Why not? Well, I-I guess I can make some room Great.
In the back, in the corner.
Exactly how long are you gonna be staying? [ Sighs .]
Never mind.
Come on, Kev.
I-it's not so bad.
Things will work out.
Yeah, that's easy for you to say.
Still, maybe Paul had a point.
The day was only half over.
Maybe it was just a matter of seeing the glass half full Or half empty.
Or completely empty.
I hate men.
Répétez après moi! Bonjour, la classe! Bonjour, madame.
Bonjour, la classe.
Bonjour, madame.
Now, here was something hopeful.
Shop was foreign to me.
French was simply a language I didn't understand.
Bonjour, madame.
Class, this year we're going to try something new.
From now on, we're only going to speak en Français.
C'est bien? [ Scattered groans .]
All right.
Who would like to go first? Guillaume.
Comment allez-vous aujourd'hui? Frère Jacques? [ Laughter .]
[ Chuckles .]
Uh-huh.
Things were getting back to normal.
And I wasn't gonna miss my 1:00 "think about Winnie" promise.
Mademoiselle.
Dites-moi votre nom, s'il vous plaît.
Je m'appelle Madeleine.
C'est excellent, mademoiselle.
Merci beaucoup.
[ Speaking French .]
[ Speaking French .]
And suddenly I understood why French was the language of diplomacy, of poetry, of romance, of Amore! Suddenly I understood every single word.
[ Speaking French .]
[ Speaking French .]
Hey, it was the only thing I knew in French.
Kevin.
Madeline.
Kevin! [ Children snickering .]
En Français, s'il vous plaît! [ Laughter .]
[ School bell rings .]
Darn it! This much was clear in any language I needed help.
I had to take action, seek answers.
Come in.
Yep, this is what I needed a man of wisdom, a man of vision, a man Who taught gym.
Ah, Arnold.
Mr.
Cutlip? What can I do for you? I, uh I came to see the guidance counselor.
Is he in? Mrs.
Dalla Betta is the regular guidance man.
I'm just filling in.
Temporarily.
Till December.
Can it wait? Well Um Relax, Arnold.
Take a load off.
Have a seat.
Right.
I understand your hesitation.
You're thinking, "Ed Cutlip", "a crack physical education instructor.
What's a man of action like him doing in a Swivel chair?" Am I right? Well Unusual? Maybe.
Unexpected? Certainly.
But think of it this way, Arnold.
There might be more in this old bean [ Tink, tink .]
Than meets the eye.
Maybe I can even help.
And the way he said it, for one moment, I actually wondered if he could help.
Peanut? No.
No.
Thanks.
Come on, son.
What is it? [ Sighs .]
It's 9th grade.
Ah.
It's not turning out the way I thought it would.
I-I don't have a locker, and my classes are all wrong and I see.
You do? It's a complex problem, but there's a simple solution.
There is? Maybe I had him wrong.
Maybe there was more to Ed Cutlip than met the eye.
So, what do we do now? Laps! [ Whistle blows .]
Well, think of it this way.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
The way this day was going, I was probably better off being alone.
And suddenly I knew what ouster felt like.
Great sitting bull herself.
And she was gaining on me.
Instinctively I knew this was a challenge, a test And I was up to it.
[ Panting .]
Sure, it was dumb, but at that moment, all I knew was I had to win.
[ Girls cheering .]
I pulled up even.
I pulled ahead.
[ Cheering .]
As we rounded that final turn, I felt like I had wings.
Sure, maybe I couldn't find a locker.
Maybe I was stuck in shop.
But I was gonna beat this girl.
I was gonna win this race.
This was gonna be a massacre.
[ Strauss' "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" plays .]
Heh heh.
No hard feelings, huh, slates? Ugh! Ugh.
Ohh.
[ Breathing heavily .]
And that about did it.
The perfect end to a perfect day.
Kevin? [ Chimes tinkling .]
Madeline? She'd seen the whole thing.
The whole humiliating episode! [ Groans .]
It was pretty clear she'd come over to laugh at me.
I just came over to thank you.
Huh? For being nice to me.
You don't know how hard it is to be the new girl in school.
[ Exhales .]
And then it happened.
Something inside of me snapped.
- Kev? - Later! I'd had enough.
I'd been pushed too far.
And I knew what I had to do.
Hey! Barbella! I want my locker back.
Now! [ Scoffs .]
9th-grade man noble, upright, virtuous.
I went into my last year of junior high thinking I knew all the answers.
And suddenly all I had were questions.
Plus a dislocated thumb.
It's funny.
I remembered a time when I knew who I was.
But that was eight hours ago.
Suddenly I felt on the outside, looking in.
Looking for Winnie.
Hi.
How was your day? I wanted to tell her everything, every bit of it.
All the setbacks, all the screw-ups.
Fine.
Heck.
I knew she'd understand.
How about yours? Okay.
After all, when you're 14, you can't always put words to life.
Be my baby now All I knew was I felt home again.
Be my, be my baby Be my little baby My one and only baby Oh oh oh oh Be my, be my baby Oh oh oh oh You don't know how hard it is to be the new girl in school.
Be my, be my baby Be my little baby My one and only baby Oh oh oh oh Be my, be my baby Oh oh oh oh