UnREAL (2015) s04e02 Episode Script

1 You brought back August? It's called "Everlasting All-Stars.
" Like it or not, you boned an All-Star.
Welcome to the wild, wild west version of "Everlasting.
" - Hump or Dump.
- [MEN CHEERING.]
We are taking your show to the next level.
Tommy Castelli.
Tommy's the new producer and game designer I emailed you about.
- [INHALES SHARPLY.]
- Alexi and Candi are joining the show.
We're gonna have to hide the ball on the whole stripper thing.
Candi Coco is a superfan.
I choose Rodrigo.
How dare you?! You know he's the only reason I'm even here! - Welcome back, Roger.
- He full-on frat-boy-date-raped her.
You brought Maya back.
Not even a trace of feminist guilt? I'm all in, Quinn.
You spend all your time pushing these shiny bimbos over the finish line, but you? - You can't quite get there yourself.
- I can get there.
I'm gonna get a ring on it by the end of this season.
You're back with Chet.
[LAUGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Last night was Mm-hmm, me, too.
[BOTH GROAN.]
Uhh Oh, sh Damn it! Oh! Shh! [HUSHED VOICE.]
Shh.
Please be quiet.
People are trying to sleep around here.
Shh.
[DOOR CREAKS CLOSED.]
Look at you, Goldberg.
A little early-morning hammock shopping? August and I have had a very deep connection since day one.
- Come on.
- You know, we were actually awake all night, talking about Africa.
Wait, and you didn't sleep with him? You are trying to close.
Oh my God, this is not a game, dude.
This is real.
Hey, that's beautiful.
Why do you even care? I don't.
As long as your game doesn't get in the way of ours.
I can multitask.
All right, then let's make this interesting.
For me, I mean.
- Hmm? - Let's put some money on it.
You lock down one of these All-Stars, I'll give you my producer bonus.
That's really funny, but I'm not looking for your money.
Psht.
Don't worry, you're not gonna get it.
It'll be fun.
I enjoy a good train wreck.
Well, the train's not crashing, so watch out you might get run over.
Ow.
- You okay? - Uh yeah.
I should've never listened to you.
After my little outburst last night, America hates me, right? Are you kidding? You showed a whole new side of yourself - strong, independent.
- I'm American's sweetheart.
I don't mud-sling anyone.
Come on, Candi Coco? Not exactly competition for Noelle.
[LAUGHTER.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- Okay.
Thanks, mate.
- Mm! Oh God, I have to fix this.
[CHUCKLING.]
Camera on Noelle.
Now.
- Copy.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Oh, hi.
- Hi.
Um, I I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about last night.
I totally overreacted.
Oh, that's okay.
I have always been a big Nicole fan.
It's Noelle.
Oh yeah, right.
Sorry.
Rachel! Where is Rachel? Anyone? Hey.
I saw the numbers.
Congrats.
You know what? Um, I need Rachel.
I need to talk to her right now.
I haven't seen her yet this morning.
Then do us both a favor wipe off that suck-up smile and find her.
[SIGHS.]
Excuse me.
Quinn! - [SIGHS.]
- Hi.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- I don't know what she told you to get on this show, but Candi Coco is no superfan.
- She called me Nicole.
- [SCOFFS.]
And as I'm sure you know, I'm the number-four all-time fan favorite on "Everlasting.
" Ooh, yes, one of the greatest cruelties in life, Noelle, is that there is no prize for fourth place.
Well, I'm Noelle.
And I'm sure as hell not gonna let some fake superfan steal my guy.
Candi's a liar, and I'm gonna prove it.
- Good luck with that.
- Uh Jay! Oh my God, last night with Sofia, it was amazing.
Once she got past that I'm an international ballet superstar, she really saw who I am.
I mean, for real, you know inside.
Yeah, a lot of people have seen the inside of you, Alexi.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Jay.
- Hey.
- What? Hey, look, um, I'm going to an N.
A.
meeting tonight.
I think maybe you should come.
Hm? Why would I want to go and listen to a bunch of self-centered whiners complain about their lives, Alexi? It's what I do at work every day.
Rachel.
Here.
You got me a coffee? What, are we besties again? I have to talk to you after the meeting.
Okay, great show last night, everyone! But now I want tits out farther, dicks harder, and tantrums tearier! Candi is popping big, but Noelle wants to take her down, so we have to protect our little stripper.
I am so sorry, but this entire season cannot be your own personal Candyland.
That's true.
We've got sick twists planned and If Candi pops big on "Everlasting," then we can use her to sell "Stripper Queen" straight to series.
So she cannot get cut.
[SCOFFS.]
Well, hey, you're in luck, 'cause the men are choosing at the Elimination Ceremony tonight and Rodrigo is actually into Candi, so he'll be safe.
Hey, you know what, I stopped listening halfway through that.
As long as Candi is safe, we're good.
Candi is not the problem Alexi's the one we have got to get him out of here before he crashes and OD's.
He showed me his Twelve Step wallet card.
- He's fine.
- He is not fine! He is fresh out of rehab and on two shows now.
Aw.
Meow.
- [SIGHS.]
- Look at you little pussies.
If we followed all the rules, we wouldn't have a show.
Did it just get handsomer in here? Blue Jay? Jay Dynamite? - Bobby? - It's Tommy.
What are you wearing? This is called a suit, blondie.
Going for visitation rights with my son, in court.
And I am going to win, and I am going to spend the day with my son.
And I'm gonna take him to the Golden State game.
He's a year and a half.
We're gonna leave after half time.
Maybe stay for the show.
I want him to see the Warrior Dancers.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Do you even have a car seat? I'll get one.
Walter, uh, in props! All right, let's do this! Go out and get me some good TV! And you, in my office.
Now.
Oh, I'm sorry, but unless you've got another stripper or recovering coke addict you'd like to force on me, I have a show to produce.
Hey, come on.
You have five minutes.
No.
I don't.
- Hey, Rachel.
- Hey.
Thank you so much for last night.
But do you think August is gonna think I'm a weirdo for having bailed out on him? No, trust me.
August is fine.
- Hi, Maya.
I got to steal her.
Sorry.
- Yeah.
You look great by the way.
- Thank you.
Hey? - Hi.
I just need to get you - Hey.
- Hey.
So, are you as tired as I am right now? You look very rested and refreshed.
[LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
- Guess I'm gonna - [CLEARS THROAT.]
I'm gonna catch you later, okay? Of course, he's your target.
August and I actually had something real until you sexually assaulted him last season.
Okay, seriously? Come here.
Look, you may think that he's all crunchy and spiritual, but he tried to expose me.
He threatened to sue the show, remember? Well, he's not gonna do that with me.
Ah, of course not.
Just because you haven't seen that side of him doesn't mean you won't.
Hey.
Rachel.
- Hm? - Wake up.
People are here for a million dollars.
That is a rougher game, and your boyfriend's playing it.
So look out.
Oh, is this you trying to help me again? Wha Why is that so hard to believe? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Because that's not what you do.
You know, as baseball great Yogi Berra once said, "When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
" Welcome to today's challenge of "Hell or Spell.
" Now, when this starter pistol sounds, each one of you is gonna run down the field, shinny up your pole.
When you get to the top of the pole, you will hit that orange button.
You will receive a token.
You will take your token, you will race right back down the field to your puzzle screens.
You will then insert the token, and each one of you will receive a letter.
The objective is to guess the five-letter word that describes this afternoon's date.
A spelling bee? That absolutely S-U-C-K-S.
[LAUGHS.]
Now, the last contestant left on the field will unfortunately be sent home alone While his teammates get to party for another day in paradise.
Our All-Star ladies will be here along the sidelines, locked and loaded.
Bang, bang, bang! Okay, let's cut and reset, please.
- Okay, reset, guys.
- Paintball? Seriously? You yanks do love your guns, don't you? You want to win a million dollars or what? Okay.
Trouble down under? Ah.
No.
Not at all.
You know, but it's not just about August.
There's lots of guys out here.
- Hola, bonita! - Hola, señor! Oh.
Yeah, I could totally see that.
- All-Star studs, are you ready? - Yeah! Excellent! Good answer! Now - Hey.
Uh, listen, Ra - Okay, here we go.
- Here we go.
- You know what? Listen, I do want to talk to you later, okay? Man up, gentlemen! Let the games begin! [STARTER PISTOL FIRES.]
[LAUGHING.]
[PAINTBALLS FIRING.]
[BEEP, WHOOSH.]
[WOMEN LAUGHING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Ye yo la yo la tengo? Uh - [MONITOR DINGS.]
- [BUZZER.]
Okay, does he not know that we shoot this show in English?! He'll be fine.
He'll get it.
[MONITOR DINGS.]
- [MONITOR DINGING.]
- [WHOOSH, DING.]
Oh my God Jack won! With just one letter.
He is good.
WOMAN: Go, Rodrigo! [PAINTBALLS FIRING.]
Unh? You like that, Roger? Agh! Ohh! - You just hit Roger in the nuts! - Damn right I did! [MONITOR DINGS.]
"Y," "C" - [MONITOR BUZZES.]
- Whoa! Go back again.
Seriously, Rachel, are we gonna lose a bangable wifey just because he never got Hooked on Phonics? [CHUCKLES.]
- [MONITOR BEEPS.]
- Yep.
Got it! - Yep.
Got it! - [MONITOR DINGS.]
- Yes! - Hey, look.
Alexi just got it, and he can't even talk.
Roger, August, Alexi, and Jack are all safe! Did you not realize that Rodrigo's English sucks? Rodrigo owns a stupid yacht.
He should know how to spell it.
Look, Candi can't lose, so Rodrigo can't lose this challenge.
So call a time out, or make somebody have a heart attack, I don't care, just stop the game.
I can't do that.
Oh.
Well, I can.
No.
Quinn, come on.
It's a huge compliance violation.
This isn't our regular mind-game shit.
Once there's money on the line, it's a whole different level.
You mess with these challenges, you got the FCC up your ass.
Things get ugly real quick.
[LAUGHS.]
This show is all about ugly.
We're talking federal laws here.
So break them.
Sorry.
I'm not going to jail for you.
Aw.
Looks like you hired yourself a Boy Scout.
Let me talk to him.
I want Rodrigo here even more than you, trust me.
Hey.
Hey.
Listen to me.
You have to work with me on this.
Just cut the crap and save Rodrigo.
I'm not risking my career or worse just 'cause you got a hard-on for the guy.
No, he was our final four.
We had it all mapped out.
Yeah, when we thought he could speak English.
He's stinking it up, and we got to adjust.
Rodrigo is the hottest guy here.
The show can't afford to lose him.
Yeah, [SCOFFS.]
right the show.
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
- Hey! - [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
- Hey, something's wrong! This thing's broken! Cameras down! Stop the game! Damn it! Well, you know, just go in there and do your best to fix it.
Hey, Tommy.
What the hell happened? I tested this game 20 times, easy there was never a problem.
My games do not screw up.
Hm.
Yeah.
Well, this one did.
[MONITOR DINGS.]
All right! Okay, people! GRAHAM: Luke and Rodrigo, when this starter pistol sounds, each one of you will shinny up your pole.
And action! - [STARTER PISTOL FIRES.]
- [WOMEN CHEERING.]
[BEEP.]
- [CHEERING CONTINUES.]
- Agh! Wait! Agh! [BONE CRACKS.]
- [PEOPLE GASPING.]
- [GROANING.]
- Yacht! Yacht! - Everyone stop! You all right? Just don't move, okay? [GROANING.]
[GASPING.]
Yacht! Yacht! I got the yacht! I got one! And I do speak English! - You all right? You all right? - I won! Damn it.
- Dan, is he okay? - Yeah, I heard a pop.
Well, that's never good.
So Rodrigo wins.
I think we all do.
[LAUGHS.]
- [SIREN CHIRPS.]
- Hey.
Hey, buddy.
Hey, rough news on the, uh, pelvis, huh? Hey, listen, I think you're gonna love this "Everlasting" Step Counter.
You know, eventually.
[MOANS, SIGHS.]
Hey.
So, how'd you make that happen? I mean, you know, I might've thrown a circuit breaker maybe and slipped the best boy some lube that I stole from Skye's dressing room.
Oh, really? Yeah, I did get a light whiff of cherry cheesecake.
You're welcome.
Okay, but now I actually need your help.
Candi is a loose cannon, so we need to get her to learn her script fast.
I'll see what I can do.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey.
Uh, listen - Hm? - Rachel Look, I know you got upset that I left, but I always thought you were leaving, too.
I mean, I had no idea.
Well, I mean, I called you, and you never called me back.
I know.
I [LAUGHS.]
I just got all caught up.
In Chet.
[LAUGHS.]
I just wanted to unplug, get down to, like, less than five drinks a day.
I was always coming back.
Yeah.
Look, things are really crazy right now.
I actually need you to help me figure out what I'm gonna DAN: Rachel, we only have the yacht till 5:00.
I need everyone in the van, and Skye's still waxing herself.
Okay.
Dan, yes.
I will be there in one second.
Copy.
What, like What were we talking about? You know what? Nothing.
It's fine.
Just go deal with Skye's bush, okay? I'll, uh I'll talk to you later.
- Okay.
- [LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Hey.
Did you know Mercury's gonna be the closest to Earth it's been in years tonight? And, well, I think we should check it out.
Uh, listen Yeah? Now that there's money in the game, there's like a million dollars here, - there's a lot of compliance issues.
- Yeah? I just I can't be picking favorites.
This is Quinn talking.
She said something, didn't she? We had a really great night.
Let's just leave it great, okay? Yeah.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Come on, ladies, let's go! - Hey! - We're leaving in five.
Let's go.
Lay off.
Things are sensitive.
You're not even gonna be in a bikini.
It's a cocktail party.
It's not for the party it's for dessert.
Hey.
Hey, you.
- You okay? - No.
Come here.
[HUSHED VOICE.]
Quinn messed with my game, put me and the show at serious risk.
So her girl, Candi, is going down.
Can we just think about this for one second? You had a great game.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Just, like, forget about Quinn.
Let's focus on in on the yacht date, all right? Alexi says you won't take him to his meeting.
- Why? - I just don't think babysitting Alexi is the best use of my time.
Hey.
He's our star.
And I don't really trust him in a room full of recovering drug addicts, okay? So I need him out of there the second the last tear drop falls.
Think you can handle that? Sure.
- Thank you.
- Ladies.
Listen, I want to ride over to the yacht together.
I got an idea I want to share with you.
- Come down.
- [SINGSONG VOICE.]
Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy.
- [SIGHS.]
- Yes.
[SIGHS.]
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Well, so much for the wheels of justice.
Judge said no to any visitation rights.
Apparently kidnapping your own kid is kinda difficult to come back from.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, well, maybe she was right.
I didn't even know about the stupid car seat.
Listen.
Chet.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
It has been just us for a very long time, okay? And we're good with that.
We're great.
We really are, aren't we? I mean, we have so much to be thankful for.
[LAUGHS.]
Look at what we have going on here.
We got all this! "Everlasting," "Passport to Dance," "Stripper Queens.
" I mean, there's not any time for a kid.
I don't even know what I was thinking.
It doesn't make any sense at all.
It's not our life.
We like to work.
We like to travel.
We like to do whatever the hell we want to do, and there's just you're right there's no place in all of that for a kid.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
[SIGHS.]
I'm pregnant.
Wait, what? I know, I know.
[LAUGHS.]
It's completely insane.
I mean, it is crazy.
Because there was a time where I thought it was something I actually wanted.
But then they said I couldn't, so I was fine with it.
Or I got fine with it.
But now You're right, we don't have time in our lives for a kid.
Holy shit! Yes, we do! I'm gonna have a baby! - [CHUCKLES.]
- With Quinn King! - [CHUCKLES.]
- You magnificent goddess! You did it.
And screw all those doctors.
You are the most powerful woman in the whole world.
Okay, but you just said that we don't have room in our lives for a kid.
Since when did you start listening to me? I'm a baboon in a suit! Forget all of that.
We can do anything we want! Just as long as we're together, we can just we can figure out anything.
If you want.
I mean, it's your decision.
Of course.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
But I mean, then we'd have to figure out how to put in a damn car seat.
We're gonna be a family.
[SOBS.]
Yeah.
Yeah, we are.
I got to get on this.
I got to get a nanny and a doula.
- We got to get a doula.
- Slow down.
Slow down.
I haven't even been to the doctor yet.
You just keep doing whatever you're doing.
I got this.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, my God.
Oh my Oh my God, we are gonna be the worst parents ever.
Like, the worst ever.
- Rachel! - Hey.
Hey.
Um Vans are heading out.
I will go talk to Candi.
Great.
Great.
Just, uh, let me know how that goes.
Okay.
Oh.
Hey, um what did you want to talk about earlier? Was it about Chet? I mean, really, what's going on with you guys? N nothing.
No.
It's all good.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, I'll see you when you get back.
Okay.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, shit.
[BLOWS WHISTLE.]
Welcome.
Our yacht date is a chance for our sexy contestants to see who floats their boat and who doesn't.
CANDI: [LAUGHING.]
Look at all this high-end bubbly! Whoo! Keep 'em coming, boys! Hey, Candi, why don't we do a little, you know, going over who's who? I mean, you really got to know your people here you know, you're the superfan.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah, I got it, skipper.
So why don't we just start with Noelle? - Let's start with Noelle.
- Noelle.
She's a superstar.
She was runner-up season 10, and she's a commercial real-estate agent.
Right? And so since you are a residential real-estate agent, maybe you two could bond over that? [LAUGHS.]
Okay.
I got this.
I am telling you.
Hm.
Okay, I really don't think you get it.
Noelle is gunning to get you cut tonight.
[HUSHED VOICE.]
I've been getting guys to pick me my entire life.
And Rodrigo, he got a taste of Candi last night.
And believe me, he wants another lick.
Mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm.
All right.
Another one.
Great boat, by the way.
Whoo! Uh Champagne? Seriously, Alexi? Look, if you want to go all rock star and relapse, that's super cool, but wait until after the show, okay? 'Cause this isn't just your career you're shitting on, Alexi it's mine.
Such angry words just because of this.
This is for my lovely lady, Sofia.
What a gentleman.
My pleasure.
How convenient.
You see, I'm sober.
Listen, next time you have a problem, don't go running to Mommy Quinn like a little bitch.
You come to me.
Comprende? Look, I'm sorry.
I am sorry to cause a situation.
- But I'm worried for you.
- Then don't.
I am fine.
I'll take you to your effing meeting.
Just be in the van by 9:00.
Gosh, I would love to live in London.
It's quite wonderful now that the English have left.
- [LAUGHS.]
- You know, I've always loved New York, but it's so expensive.
Eugh, those prices are going through the roof.
I hear that Denver is like really crazy, too right? [SIGHS.]
You have no idea who I am, do you? What are you talking about? I I'm in real estate, and and so are you.
I'm in commercial real estate.
Yeah, they did a whole episode with Rodrigo taking me to the Commercial Real Estate Awards, and, um, I won.
Hello! [CHUCKLES.]
- You not only won, you kicked ass! - [GLASSES CLINK.]
- Boom! Ohh - Whoa-oh! [LAUGHS.]
Sorry.
I bet you've never even watched the show.
Oh, I think I've seen all I need to.
Rodrigo? Why don't we go to the bow, watch the sunset together? Actually, I was on my way to the bar.
Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
Really? What the hell? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- Hey, Rodrigo.
- Hey.
Hey.
So, just between us, you and Candi killed it last night.
I mean, like, through the roof.
Candrigo is trending nationwide.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Really? - Yeah.
Okay.
- Listen, I I like Candi - Right.
but maybe better not to rush.
What? Why? Like, what happened? 'Cause if you, like, walk away from Candi right now, all those fans that love you? They could just turn on you.
The other ladies, they get together, tell the men anyone who picks Candi tonight, it's adios, gone.
Next time, it's ladies' turn to choose.
Please.
[SCOFFS.]
Do you really think that, like, any woman on the planet is not gonna pick you? You're the reason all these bimbos came back here.
You're Rodrigo.
This is also true.
Besides, you have, like, a real connection with Candi.
What, are you gonna just like walk away from a beautiful woman just because other women think it's like wrong or inappropriate? No.
Rodrigo does what he wants.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Uh-huh.
[SIGHS.]
So, what, you're going against Quinn after all? Am I? [LAUGHS.]
There is no way Noelle came up with that cock-block crap on her own.
She's way smarter than you think.
Whatever.
Your little plan failed.
Candi isn't going anywhere.
We'll see.
See, that's the thing about games you never know who's gonna win.
[INHALES DEEPLY, EXHALES.]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
Ahh.
Hey, bud.
Hey.
You probably get this all the time, but I just I got to say, I'm a huge fan of yours.
- Huge.
- What? That World Cup game against France? That was insane.
- Oh, you saw it? - Yeah! Are you kidding me? In extra time, you dribbled through three defenders.
- Great, huh? - I watched it with my dad.
It was one of the last great moments we had before he passed.
Wow, Tommy.
This is a beautiful story.
Thank you.
No, no, thank you.
- Uh, look, Rodrigo - Yeah? I know you're Rachel's guy, but there's something I got to tell you.
I want you to post it on my Instagram @thecandicoco.
What are you doing? Please don't post that.
Let's Hi, boys.
Gentlemen.
Get back to business.
Ugh.
So, can we get you back out there? No.
Hell no.
I am not spending another minute talking about moisturizers and pilates and diets with those pansy-ass mannequins.
You really have to suck it up.
If you want your own show, you just got to make this work.
This Candi Coco.
Yeah? She's not who she says she is.
Well, she's superfan, right? I don't know who she is.
There's a whole lot they don't tell me, but she's a plant.
I can smell it.
You think that I can't take this? I'm just saying that it requires a certain mental stamina, putting yourself out there, getting rejecting, and coming back some people aren't built for it.
Come on, you know how these shows work.
Either she's been in a prison, or she's your crazy ex-girlfriend's sister.
But Candrigo! Rachel says we explode on social media! Yeah, well, maybe that was for the wrong reasons.
I can keep 200 guys on the edge of their seats with just one pole.
Oh, really? For like, what, 20 minutes? I'm talking about 10 hours a day.
I mean, "Stripper Queens" is gonna be even more.
She's trying to trick you, to humiliate you.
And when her true identity is revealed, America's gonna be laughing at you.
I think they're probably laughing now.
Just because I'm a professional athlete, I am stupid? America's a tough place.
That's what makes us great.
I can outlast whatever you or any of these other bitches throw my way.
So watch out.
I can do it.
- Okay, great.
- Yeah.
Well, I just got Rodrigo back on the Candi Express.
It's up to you to seal the deal.
Don't let Candi get away with this.
Don't worry.
Rodrigo knows what to do.
Thanks for being, like, such a sister, sister.
Ah, no problem.
You want some coffee or anything? Mnh.
I am so good.
Oh, good.
Can I get some cameras up? [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
- What? - [CHUCKLING.]
Hi.
Hi, there, stranger.
What do you say you and I, we get out of here, huh? Take your hands off me.
Hm? I don't just go with strange women, Candi Coco.
If that's even your real name.
Of course [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
that is my real name.
And you weren't asking for ID last night.
My mistake.
You want to make fun of Rodrigo Velasquez, hm? Why would I make fun of you? TV actor who pretends to love me just like a cheap, - stinking whore.
- Thank you! Okay, I'm not the one with like the $3 cologne and this stupid sparkle shirt.
I'm an international superstar.
You're nothing but cheap American white trash.
Hey, you don't get to talk like that to me and then just get to walk away! I treat you like who you really are lying puta! Screw you, you hypocritical son of a bitch! [PEOPLE GASPING.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Man overboard! - Rodrigo, no! - Somebody stop the boat! Who's next, huh?! Anyone else here want to call me a whore?! Nicole?! Good luck with that at the elimination.
Men don't marry crazy.
I see you, girl.
MAN: Okay, ladies, I think we've had enough to drink - No, I'm good! I'm good! - Okay! All right! - Oh, wow.
- [LAUGHS.]
[MOUSE CLICKING.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Hey.
Hi.
So, listen.
We need to talk.
How'd it go with Candi? Oh, my God, well, I got you a WTF moment for the ages.
Candi literally, like, shoved Rodrigo and the guy fell into the bay.
Did you get it on camera? - Of course, I got it on camera.
- Amazing.
But the guys are all saying that Candi's crazy now, and they're literally calling her Cuckoo for Candi Coco Puffs.
[LAUGHS.]
That's really funny, actually.
Yeah, but unfortunately, she is gonna be toast at the Elimination Ceremony.
No, she's stealing the show.
She's incredible.
Quinn, I'm telling you.
I talked to all the guys.
None of them will touch her.
Oh, come on, there is always one schmuck who's willing to take the bait.
I mean, you would think, but not with these All-Stars.
Well, there is one guy here who's not exactly an All-Star.
No.
I told you, I'm saving him for episode four.
Hey, this could just tee up episode four.
Keep that shit show still intact.
You know how you can get in with him.
I'm glad we're back.
Me, too.
Gentlemen.
Let's get you on the stairs.
Now.
Please.
A half-circle right around there.
- Thank you.
- [SIGHS.]
Nice.
Hey, have you got a sec? Yeah, sure.
[SIGHS.]
Were me and Skye were making too much noise last night? I'm telling you, those walls are thin.
Not really.
Um, look, I hate to even be bringing this up, but - What? - You and Maya.
There's, like, a bunch of rumors out there.
[CHUCKLES.]
What rumors? Like, I don't know even know the whole story, but something about when you guys got together, that maybe Maya was drunk, you know, like too drunk to consent? Oh, God.
I know it's not true.
But a lot of the other ladies are starting to talk, and I just don't want to see you cut early or reported.
Reported? No.
I did nothing wrong.
Okay, that's why we need to get in front of this right now and we need to turn it around and change the narrative.
If we say anything, it'll make things worse.
Not necessarily.
I have an idea, and if you play it right, you could be bulletproof for the rest of the season.
Everybody in positions.
Please, ladies, if we can tighten up these spaces.
Please and thank you.
Thank you, ladies.
Just define "ladies.
" How about "perky-titted bitch who's about to get a Jimmy Choo parked up her ass"? - And we're off.
- [THEME MUSIC PLAYS.]
I believe it was Camus that said that, "Life is the sum of all of your choices.
" And here, on "Everlasting," can you agree that you're about to make a life-changing choice? Camus? I need it written in Graham's contracts that he is not allowed to read any books ever.
This is why we don't win Emmys.
Señor Rodrigo, your decision, por favor.
Ugh.
Please, somebody, if you have a tranquilizer dart, shoot him now.
Right in the neck.
The last time I chose, I chose wrong.
But now, I correct a mistake in the past.
[CHUCKLES.]
Did anyone understand what he just said? I don't think he understood it.
Noelle, will you spend the night with Rodrigo? [CHUCKLES.]
Of course.
Ugh.
GRAHAM: Comrade Alexi? I knew I felt something special in my first kiss with Sofia.
So, there you go, Quinn you got your superstar.
It's a real love story.
Have you been standing there the whole time? Will you continue this journey with me? Yes.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, my angel.
- Mwah! - Mwah! GRAHAM: August? AUGUST: Uh Maya, care to share a hammock with me this evening, watch the Perseids light up the night sky? Absolutely.
[CHUCKLES.]
JACK: Skye, will you spend the night with me? Hot dog! Let's do it.
Aw.
Looks like Jack will be spending the night - under an open Skye.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
And Roger [BRITISH ACCENT.]
you are the last bloke up.
You know, they say that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I'm sorry, is he using an accent? Which bird will be joining you in your suite tonight? Will it be the beautiful swan, Miranda? Or the charismatic cockatiel, Candi Coco? Um.
We're cutting it a little close here, don't you think, Rachel? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Well This is a tough one indeed.
Today I had the pleasure of spending time with a very lovely young woman, Miranda.
QUINN: What is Jack the Ripper doing, exactly? Just wait.
My every thought drifted towards spending the night with you, until Candi, your hot-blooded temper may have offended some, but the way Rodrigo spoke to you was inexcusable.
Disgraceful.
And, Graham, I don't know about you, but nothing sickens me more than seeing a woman degraded and publicly shame.
And I I just can't stand idly by and allow Candi or or any woman to be victimized while everyone else just looks the other way.
Yeah.
Damn right.
The time has come to stand up and fight for equality, for mutual respect, and for clear-eyed justice.
This is what a feminist looks like.
What?! [LAUGHING.]
That's so gorgeous! Boom! I mean, come on! You can't write crap like that! Actually, you can.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, my God.
ROGER: So Candi Coco, will you spend the night with me, safe and unafraid? Yes, please.
[LAUGHS.]
[WHISPERING.]
I'm still here, you bitch.
Sometimes crazy wins.
Roger the rapist, a feminist hero? That might be your greatest magic trick yet.
You think? You continue to blow my mind.
Seriously.
Ah, man.
Can you beat this, huh?! This is like the greatest night of my life, straight up.
Yeah, it's crazy, but if Quinn's happy, I'm happy.
Man.
They said she couldn't have a baby, you know? Well, she's proved the doctors wrong, you know? Right.
Yeah, no.
The baby.
Quinn's gonna be a mommy, and you're gonna be the weirdo auntie.
Oh, this is incredible.
Thank you.
You're always there.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'll see you later.
ALEXI: I was so addicted.
The drugs were all I thought about.
I would have done anything to get my next fix, and I did horrible things.
I'm so ashamed.
It's hard to ask for forgiveness.
I hurt so many people.
But by far, the hardest person to ask for forgiveness was myself.
[APPLAUSE.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
Oh.
I saw the [LAUGHS.]
the the footage from the yacht date, and Rodrigo's "lying puta" is going to play like gangbusters.
[LAUGHS.]
You're pregnant? Chet just called me weirdo auntie for the first time.
I am.
What? I don't know, it's just like, this whole time today that you were really happy, I kinda thought it was because it was, you know, us again you and me.
This doesn't change anything with us.
This? What, you mean the baby that you didn't tell me about? Uh, I wanted to.
This morning.
Remember? I was having doubts.
Which somehow just magically disappeared, and you decided you didn't want me to know.
- That's right.
- Why not? You know [SCOFFS.]
because for a tiny moment, I was enjoying it.
And honestly, I didn't want you to rain on my parade.
I knew exactly what you would say.
What? The truth? That this is crazy? You can't even keep it under five drinks a day, Quinn.
How are you gonna do this? You know what, hold on a second while I go get my umbrella.
I'm just saying that some women are not meant to be mothers and you're one of them.
And that's fine.
Wow.
Thanks.
Are you seriously considering this? Oh, my God.
Dude, I will just take you right now to the clinic.
Let's just get in my car.
All right, you know what? You don't decide for me, Rachel.
Chet is thrilled.
And so am I.
And the truth is, this is about my family, and that's not you.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
Damn, Goldberg.
This is you celebrating? I figured you would be popping Champagne with Quinn.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
You know what? She did mess with your challenge.
With a tube of contestant lube.
Don't worry, I got your back.
[KEYBOARDS CLICKS, MONITOR BEEPS.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Set it up over here.
What the hell is this? Well, I started the day off wanting to see my child, and now I actually get to.
Dr.
Gerard.
Uh [LAUGHS.]
I could've gone in the morning.
I'm sorry.
I just couldn't wait.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, Chet.
Hey.
Mercury, huh? Rachel.
Look, Maya's waiting for me.
Okay, well, you were right.
Quinn did say something.
But the truth is, this has nothing to do with her.
Oh, my God.
Is that it? Indeed.
Would you look at that? Back together a month, already a baby on the way.
I knew we struck gold off Guadeloupe! It always should've been this way.
Always, Quinnie.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, Chet, would you mind if me and mama talked lady stuff for a minute alone? Everything's fine.
Whatever my baby needs, my baby gets Babies.
Is everything okay? Yes.
It's just that Chet mentioned that you were together a month, so, um I have to ask Are you absolutely sure he's the father? [LAUGHS.]
Of course.
Why? Because you're a lot more pregnant than you think.
Hey, boy, hey, boy [MOANING PASSIONATELY.]
When will you go? - [BOTH PANTING.]
- I'm going where the cold wind blows It's beautiful.
In the pines, in the pines Oh.
You are.
Where the sun don't ever shine You are.
Hey, boy, hey, boy Don't lie to me Tell me where did you sleep [SIGHS.]
Last night?