What I Like About You (2002) s04e02 Episode Script

[ waves breaking .]
Hey.
[ groans .]
Hey.
God, you wake up looking even better than when you went to sleep.
[ chuckles .]
Do I? I can't believe we finally slept together.
Yeah.
You do know, sometimes when people sleep together, they do more than sleep.
Yep.
Just remember, good things come to those who wait.
[ chuckles .]
And wait and wait and wait.
Vince, I told you -- when I'm ready, you'll be the first to know.
Okay.
Where are you going? I'm gonna go take a cold, uh ocean.
[ pen clicks .]
- Get up! - Aah! Oh.
Oh, hey.
Good morning, baby.
Annulment papers.
Remember? Sign.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on there, girl.
You really want this marriage to end? You haven't even experienced Vic's special breakfast frittata yet.
Yeah, look, I sat up all night, waiting for you to sign these papers, so -- - You didn't sit up all night.
- Yeah, I did.
- You didn't sleep at all? - Okay, well Maybe I dozed off here and there, but -- So you're comfortable enough to doze with me.
That's beautiful, baby.
[ cell phone rings .]
- Oh, God, it's Holly.
- Oh, it's Holly? Hey, you know what? She is gonna be so excited we got married.
- Let me say "hi.
" - No.
No, and I can't say "hi" either, because she will sense in my "hi" that something is wrong, terribly, terribly wrong, like we got married.
Ooh, look at you.
You're all feisty in the morning.
I like that.
Stop liking me.
Okay, look.
Here you go.
Just, please, make you go away.
Right there.
I can't, "V.
" No, do not go having cute little nicknames for me.
Okay my little Valerina.
You know what? Fine.
If you're not gonna sign the papers, then just leave.
Well, I kind of can't do that, either.
Yeah, you can.
Remember how you came in? Reverse it.
Look, Val, what can I say? I mean, marriage is very important to me, okay? My mom and dad have been married for 42 years.
My grandma and grandpa -- And they're still in love.
Val, I wouldn't have married you if I wasn't sure you were the girl I could spend the rest of my life with.
That is very sweet, Vic.
Really.
But, uh, you see, people don't just get married after one night.
They meet, they date, they woo.
Okay, well, we can date.
What are you doing tonight? You want to woo? Yeah, yeah.
See, that's not how it works.
'Cause you've got to pick me up from elsewhere, which means you've got to go elsewhere.
Go ahead, go elsewhere.
Bye.
God, I just love how passionate you get, you know? You've got fire, and I'm a fireman.
Mm-hmm.
[ imitates siren wailing .]
Fire.
You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whisperin' in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true That's what I like about you That's what I like about you That's what I like about you, you, you That's what I like about you That's what I like about you That's what I like about Uh-huh Uh-huh It's what I like about you Oh, this is so unfair.
We're finally a couple, and we only have one day to spend together.
How are we gonna go three months without seeing each other? Oh, I'm gonna be so sad.
So am I the only one who's sad here? I'm gonna miss you.
So-o-o much.
I'm gonna miss you more.
- I love you.
- I love you more.
Holly, I hate to say this, but I gotta go back to work, and you're gonna miss your flight.
I'll miss my flight more.
Bye.
Bye more.
So, since I've been gone, I've been doing a little thinking.
And we're gonna be apart for three months.
I mean, are we still gonna be exclusive? I mean, just you and me? Holly, I love you.
There's nobody else I ever want to see, ever again.
Just you and me -- perfect.
Okay.
Go with God.
[ both laugh .]
- Nobody else? - Nobody else.
- As far as us calling each other -- - I'll call you every day.
- That will work.
- There you go.
Perfect.
Okay.
Peace out.
Listen.
I don't want to sound insecure or anything, but -- Excuse me, ladies.
Holly, I'm gonna think about you every second.
At times, it may be tough, but I know our love is deep.
It knows no distance.
Yes, the days are gonna go on forever, and the nights even longer.
At times, I may cry.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Somebody's getting a little too attached.
Yes, this is your landlord.
Re: your message, I never said it had an air-conditioner.
I said hair conditioner.
And for $3,000 a month, go ahead and use all you want.
[ laughs .]
Gotta go.
What up, roomie? Gary, you left without locking the front door.
If you're not gonna protect me from the prowler, just move back to your place.
No, no, no.
I mean, Tina I locked the front door.
What? Oh, God, you can't move out.
That's what I thought.
So now he won't sign the annulment papers, and he won't leave my apartment.
He slept on the couch all night long.
Is he hairy? Lauren.
A little in the center.
Gary, you're pretending to work and listening to everything I'm saying, aren't you? Mm-hmm.
Then help me.
How do I get Vic to leave? Is Gary telling you about the prowler? - How creepy is that? - What prowler? Um, the one that they're not writing about in the paper 'cause it was scaring the readers too much.
Yeah, this guy cuts off the electricity in the building.
And with this heat wave, the tenants are forced to leave, and that's when he strikes.
He's stolen, like, millions of dollars.
That is genius.
Yeah, I know.
Forget about a doctor.
I want to marry a prowler.
- No.
I'm gonna sweat him out.
- What are you doing? I'm calling Con-ed and having my electricity turned off.
It's perfect.
He'll be in the apartment.
It'll be, like, 900 degrees.
He'll get all hot and sweaty.
And all hairy.
Remember, you said he's hairy.
He won't be able to take it.
That boy is gonna bake.
He'll be out of there by tonight.
Hey, he didn't have hair on his back, did he? 'Cause I like that, too.
Okay, the coast is clear, Tina.
You can come out.
There's no prowler.
Now we can leave safely for our facials.
- Hey, I'm home! - Holly! Oh, I missed you.
Oh.
I have so much to tell you.
Vince and I are in love.
Finally.
Oh, God, I'm so happy.
So all the whining's over.
Wait, he didn't come back with you, did he? No.
We're gonna be apart for three months.
Oh, it's gonna be so sad.
And we're back.
No.
No, no, no.
I am not gonna go there.
I trust what Vince and I have.
We are in love.
And he's gonna call me every day, 'cause we're exclusive.
Our love is deep.
It knows no distance.
Ooh, I'm sure it doesn't.
Okay, now, let's hang out later.
Because right now I'm treating Gary to a spa day because he's been so nice to me.
- Hmm -- Gary? - Yeah.
There's a prowler in the neighborhood, so Gary's staying with me until he's caught.
- Wait -- what, there's a prowler? - Oh, well, don't worry.
He, uh, he only turns off your electricity, and he waits till everyone's gone, and then he steals all your good stuff.
He doesn't hurt anybody.
- Wait.
If he hasn't hurt anybody -- - Yet.
Move it, girl.
I gotta get exfoliated.
Make sure you double-lock your doors.
Val, I'm back, and I'm in love! [ flips switch .]
The lights don't work.
Aah! Aah! Gary, Tina, the perp's in my house! Okay, so that's me at Camp Chubby-Wubby.
How cute was I? Look at those dimples.
Ugh.
Remind me to never pull my pants down on camera.
Hey, do you think Vic's gone and I can go home yet? Wait, wait.
You haven't seen me swallow a whole moon pie.
It's like a snake eating a rat.
Here -- look at my neck.
Look at my neck! [ cell phone rings .]
Oh, God, it's Holly again.
- So answer it.
- No, I can't.
I can't lie to her, and I don't want her to know about Vic.
- Here, you take it.
- Okay.
Hello.
Hey, Holl, you're back.
How you doing? Yes, Val is here with me, and nothing crazy happened at all while you were gone.
Oh, thank God she's okay.
Well, of course she's okay.
Why wouldn't she be okay? Nothing crazy happened at all while you were gone.
Because I just got home, and there's a prowler in the loft, and I might have killed him.
Hey, good news, Val.
Holly might have just killed your husband.
What? Nothing.
Bye-bye.
Married?! I go away for 24 hours, and you have a husband? Now, Holly I know it sounds irresponsible, but try to understand.
I was drunk.
And what about you? You went to Florida without telling anybody.
Huh, let's see.
A weekend away a descent into hell.
[ Lauren .]
: Okay, come on.
So back to Vince -- Florida, loves you, tearful goodbye.
Okay, so how many times has he called you already? Lauren, not now.
I'm dealing with Val.
Oh, God.
He hasn't called yet? No, I'm sure it's fine.
It is fine, okay? Now, what are we gonna do about Drunkie? Jeez! One night of booze and then getting married and everybody's all up in my grill.
You know what? Maybe he sent you a text message.
Vince loves you way too much to ignore you so soon.
Oh, boy.
What is your problem? Vince said he would call today.
It's still today.
Okay, now, come on, Val.
Let's go.
No, no, we can't, not until Vic leaves.
- And when is that gonna be? - Very soon.
I turned the electricity off.
I'm sweating him out.
Ha! Val, he's a fireman.
He's good with heat.
Right.
Okay, so back to Vince.
I am sure it's as simple as his phone slipped out his pocket, fell into a swamp, and a gator got it.
Lauren! Vince will call! He will want to make sure that I got in safely.
I mean, I only landed four hours ago.
Okay, now, don't you go to that place, girlfriend.
He loves you, and you love him.
You two have a real love, not a drunk love like hers.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
W-what if Vic never leaves? What is happening to you? Will you calm down? There are other ways to get him out.
No, Holly, I have tried everything.
I begged.
I reasoned.
I even called the police, but they all know him, and they congratulated me.
And, Holly, we are legally married.
That son-of-a-bitch fireman's never gonna leave.
Will you pull yourself together? You do not want some guy to destroy your life.
Now, give me the papers.
I'll get Vic to sign, and, as for Vince, I am glad that he doesn't call me every two seconds.
I am not one of those clingy girls.
[ cell phone rings .]
Shut up! It's him! Hello, angel girl.
Lauren! Yeah, I was just checking the line to make sure Vince can get through.
It's bad news, honey.
[ groans .]
Oh, hey, Holly.
Hey, Vic.
Thank you for meeting me here.
I'm here to discuss the matter of you and my sister.
By the way, damn, you're still smoking.
[ laughs .]
And you.
Look at you -- all grown up and so beautiful.
Oh, really? Ugh, I feel like hell.
I've been in a relationship all day, and we already need counseling.
I'm sorry.
Okay, don't try to charm me.
I'm here to discuss my sister.
- Hey, am I the luckiest guy in the world or what? - Enough chitchat! I need you to sign these papers, and then I need you to leave.
- [ clears throat .]
: I can't.
- Mm-hmm, uh-huh, oh-ho.
You can, and you're gonna because, um let me tell you something that you may not know.
Val is a lesbian.
Okay, um, Holly, let me tell you something you don't know.
I know Val is the one for me.
She knows it, too.
She's just a little slow on the uptake.
Listen to me, Vic.
I learned a very important lesson today.
You can not make someone love you.
- Sure, you have one crazy night in Florida.
- Atlantic city.
You get caught up in the romance, the palm trees, the pink sunset, the beat of the salsa.
Then, all of a sudden, you kiss him goodbye, you land at Kennedy, he never calls you again, and everything else blows up in your face.
You want to talk about it, Holly? We're talking about you, Vic, not me.
Now, sign the damn papers.
Holly, haven't you ever done something without thinking because you knew in your gut it was right? Yeah, pretty much everything.
Well, you see, every now and then, my gut is so strong that I have to listen to it.
And the night I laid eyes on your sister again, my gut was screaming, "Don't let her go.
" But hers is screaming, "Let me go!" That's why she can't hear my gut.
But you can.
You're a gut-follower.
I mean, isn't that what brought you to your crazy, salsa-filled night in Florida? Maybe.
And I'm guessing it was a pretty incredible night.
Oh, it was the most amazing night I ever had.
It was the most amazing kiss I ever had, the most amazing feeling I have ever had.
And if you didn't follow your gut, you never would have had that night.
I don't want to miss my night in Florida, Holly.
Do you want your sister to miss hers? No! I mean, I want her to have everything.
So do I.
That is why I can't sign these papers.
And you shouldn't! I don't want Val to miss her chance.
- That's what I'm saying.
- Oh, man.
She is so lucky to have you.
Don't you give up, Vic.
Oh, I won't.
I won't, Holly.
Thank you for talking to me.
Aww.
And can I just say, if you want to talk to this guy, just call him.
No, I can't.
It's so pushy.
It's one of those girl qualities that guys hate.
Well, I got to tell you -- if a girl like you called me, I'd be thrilled.
Val is such a fool.
Vince, you answered! Holly.
You know, the girl who woke up in your arms on the beach this morning.
[ sighs .]
Listen, I know you're busy, and I know you're surrounded by beautiful women, and it's okay.
I mean, if you forget to call -- Vince! - Hey, baby.
- Hey! Oh, what are you Mmm.
doing here? How could I go three months without you? I missed you the second you walked out the door.
Holly, we've waited so long to be together, there was no way I was gonna go another day without my baby girl.
[ gasps .]
I'm your baby girl? I'm your baby girl more.
Oh, my damn.
Vince is home early -- three months early! [ laughs nervously .]
Vince! Yeah, yeah, well, what the hell are you doing home three months early? You didn't go to the apartment, did you? No, I came straight here.
Oh, so you didn't go to the apartment.
Good, good.
You know, 'cause, um, w-w-we got bugs.
Yeah, so I've been staying with Tina at her place because there's a prowler loose, and I thought, "Wouldn't this be a good time to have an exterminator at our place?" You know, for the critters.
It's okay.
You can stay with us.
My loft is huge.
With a ja-kwa-zee.
That would be perfect.
We'll be right across the hall, just like Ross and Rachel.
He got to do the chores.
Can't nobody stay for free.
[ gasps .]
He's gone.
Oh, he's gone.
Thank you.
I love you.
Oh, I love you, too.
Oh, but I am super tired, so I'm gonna get some shut-eye.
- Night! - No! Wait, wait, wait! What happened? Oh, Vince missed me so much that he came back from Florida.
That's why he didn't call.
He was on the plane the whole time.
See? You were all worried for nothing.
Night! No, no, no! Wait! Holly, I am so happy for us.
You are in a relationship, and I am out of one.
Wait W-w-w-what's with that face? Holly where are my signed annulment papers? Val, you are gonna have to start learning how to trust in relationships.
What the hell's going on? What happened with Vic? What did you say to him? What did he say to you? [ gasps .]
I want my papers.
Where is Vic? Hey, honey.
I picked up some raisin bran.
We were out.
The son-of-a-bitch fireman bought raisin bran.
We did need raisin bran.
Uhy-y-you do understand that unless you sign these papers, it is gonna take six months to end this marriage? I'll tell you what.
In six months, if you don't love me -- but you will -- I will leave.
You are out of your mind.
[ Holly .]
: Come on! Let yourself love! Take the deal.
Just a minute.