Adventure Time with Finn & Jake s04e03 Episode Script
Web Weirdos
[ mouse squeaks .]
[ penguins wenk .]
[ all cheering .]
[ Screeches .]
Adventure Time Come on, grab your friends We'll go to very distant lands With Jake the dog and Finn the human The fun will never end It's Adventure Time [ birds chirping .]
Babla-babla babla-babla-baloo! Stunts! [ grunts .]
Hyah! [ grunts .]
[ groans .]
[ grunting .]
Yeah! JAKE: Yo, Finn! Look what I found! A vertical trampoline! [ grunts .]
[ Creak! creak! .]
It's sticky.
Dude, it's a spider web.
Ohhh.
Well, cut me out, yo! No way.
I'll stunt you out! Whaaah! [ splat! .]
I was thinking something else would happen.
You got anything sharp? The only sharp thing I had were my fingernails, but you made me cut them.
They were too long, Finn.
[ scratching .]
[ rip! .]
Aaaaah! You broke the skin, dude! I guess my fingernails are really lo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ng! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
It's cool, man.
Can you stretch us out of here'? Humph! Hmphhhhh! Humphhh! Aghh! [ Panting .]
[ Yawns .]
I'm gonna take a nap while you grow out your fingernails.
We'll make our escape when I wake up.
[ snoring .]
MAN: You'll never escape! We will all die in the web! That's the circle of life.
That's not a circle.
That's, likea straight line.
We don't make the rules, man.
Well, don't just give up.
[ snoring .]
WOMAN: And you're walking too fast.
You know I can't BOTH: The spiders are back! Try to stay calm.
Greet your fate with dignity.
BOTH: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! We got to go, Jake! - [ snoring .]
- [ grunting .]
Jake! So, what? You're not talking to me now? No.
I'm just tired from setting traps all day solo style.
Why are you mad? I just said I was tired.
But you're acting like you're mad.
I'm not mad! Oh, look -- food that I caught.
[ grunting .]
In my web.
For us.
[ grunting .]
I spin webs, too, Ed.
Yeah, I know.
I try just as hard as you.
Hmm? Well, go ahead, then.
Wrap them up for laters.
What's wrong, Barb? What's going on there, Jake? [ snoring .]
I can't! You think I'm gross when I spin my web! What?! I could see it on your face! Tell me that you don't! Uh Iuhum You tell me you don't find me gross! [ voice breaking .]
Oh, get stuffed, Ed! [ crying .]
Barb! [ Sighs .]
You guys are sad.
[ Cream .]
[ farting .]
Ugh! What is that sound? Sick, dude! She makes that sound, too? Yeah, I guess, but she never does it in front of me.
[ Splat! .]
Anyway, it's not gross when guys do it.
Dude, that's not cool.
You need to think about what you say and how that affects your lady.
How about how she affects me? I love her, man.
[ snoring .]
Hmmhuh? Humph! [ Yawns .]
Oh, snap.
How long was I out? Can someone tell me why we fight -- Why she treats me like all I do is make her feel bad? Tell me, Glob.
Why don't you ever answer me?! It's hard to step outside of yourself when you're enmeshed with another being.
Oh, Grod! It's over! It's over! Aaaaaaaah! Wait! What? [ whimpering .]
Ummmmm [ crying .]
Right now, we got to real-talk about your girlfriend.
I don't real-talk with my food.
Uh [ grunts .]
We real-talk now, or you're gonna be as single as your stinky web squirter! Yeah, right.
You just want to get out of my web.
All you food ever want to do is escape.
Y'all is always like in cahoots, making plans not to be food.
I'm not in cahoots.
So, okay.
Eat your friend here.
[ wings buzzing .]
Okay.
No, Finn! What?! Where is your heart?! Look inside yourself! This isn't you! I'm gonna fake-eat you, man.
Oh.
Word.
N-o-o-o-o-o-o! [ chomping .]
Oh, my guts! My guts everywhere! Ohhhh! How could you?! Aaaaah! Okay, man.
You've earned my trust.
So let's do this.
Real-talk me, Bro.
[ Muffled .]
Okay, first off, then, how you're going about this isn't working.
Am I right? [ sighs deeply .]
Yeah.
It's not working.
My way sucks.
Cool.
Now we got to do damage control -- healing the negs energy at the source.
Yes, heal the negsergies in me.
All right, uh [ whispering .]
Go find Barb a present.
That'll fix the first neg.
Can you do that? Yeah, I can find her a present, if you think that'll help.
I don't think it will.
But what do l know? I'm just a big ol' dummy who does everything wrong.
Ptoo! Wheeeeee! You're free-e-e-e-e! Ugh! Oh, man! It's okay, Finn.
You bought us some time.
Yeah.
Think fast.
What can we use? There's nothing.
Just a bunch of nature.
[ birds chirping .]
I have a dumb idea.
[ Sighs .]
Get her a present.
[ sighing .]
Hmph.
When was the last time she got me a present? What would she want, anyways? How do I know? We never talk.
Geez, what happened to my life? All my friends are gone.
They all got kids now.
Idon't have kids.
All I have is Barb.
And she [ sobbing .]
treats me like a-a dingus! [ Gasps .]
Oh! Cool! A sword! [ shing! .]
Wow! Neat! It's magic or something! We can hang this up over our mantel and snuggle by the fire [ laughs .]
like we -- like we used to! I'm gonna fix us, Barb! Fix us! All right, one two three! [ Spits .]
Yo! What? Shoot! Here comes another one.
One, two, three! [ spits .]
[ whistling .]
My eyes! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ha ha! Yes! Finally! Good job! Last chance for life.
Break out! [ grunting .]
Yeah, you mommy! [ web snaps .]
BARB: Hey! What's going on here'? [ birds chirping .]
Nothing.
Aah! Oh! Crabapples! Where's Ed? Oh.
Uh, he's getting you an "I'm sorryâ gift.
He feels crazy about making you cry.
He does'? Really? ED: Barb! Barb! Ed? Barb! Look! Damage control! Check it out! I wrapped it up and everything! Oh, Ed, I can't believe it! Yeah! Come on! Open it! I-I really just -- I-It's just so unlike you to -- What's this? It's a sword.
I found it in the woods.
In the woods?! ED: Yeah.
It's magical, though.
Check out the blade! BARB: You got this for you, Ed.
No, I got it for us -- for snuggles by the fire! We are never gonna snuggles until you learn to appreciate me! Oh, really? Well, I guess we're never gonna eat again, either, 'cause I catch the food and your butt is dysfunctional! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Yaaaaah! Go! Run away, food! We don't need you, apparently! Just break up, you guys! Do it for you! Now what are you gonna eat? Huh, Barb? I'm gonna eat you! Yo! That's wrong! Who ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-res?! [ shrieks .]
Aaah! Aaaaaaaah! JAKE: We're free! [ Panting .]
ED: Aaaaaaaaaah! Eeee! Ohhhh! Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! No! No! No! Aah! Oh, no.
You got that look on your face.
You going back to help that fool? His wife's gonna eat him! Spider marriage is complicated.
Sometimes you just got to mind your own biz.
ED: Oh, help! Somebody help me! [ groans .]
Go with Glob.
Oof! Mercy! Aah! Oh! Ugh! [ Hisses .]
Ugh! You little twerp! Are you stupid Or something?! Yeah, I'm stupid! But I know something real -- you shouldn't eat your husband! Whoa! Ugh! [ grunting .]
[ Hisses .]
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! [ grunting .]
Aaaaaah! Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Yo.
Smoothing things out? Uh, not exactly.
[ screaming .]
Barb! Barb! What's wrong, my love? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargghh! [ groans .]
[ shrieks .]
Aghh! O-kay.
[ screaming .]
What is happening?! Something we're not supposed to see.
Oh, Ed.
We're parents! Oh, sick! I think there's hope for us, Barb.
We can make a new start -- as a family.
[ Both smooching .]
Nice.
Think they're gonna make it? Love like theirs will always find a way.
It'll crawl all up over you and drain your body fluids, poisoning you slowly until you pass out.
Whaaaaaa! Circle of life, Finn.
Circle of life.
FINN: Yeeeeoooohhhhh! Come along with me And the butterflies and bees We can wander through the forest And do so as we please Come along with me To a cliff under a tree FINN: This party is so crazy!
[ penguins wenk .]
[ all cheering .]
[ Screeches .]
Adventure Time Come on, grab your friends We'll go to very distant lands With Jake the dog and Finn the human The fun will never end It's Adventure Time [ birds chirping .]
Babla-babla babla-babla-baloo! Stunts! [ grunts .]
Hyah! [ grunts .]
[ groans .]
[ grunting .]
Yeah! JAKE: Yo, Finn! Look what I found! A vertical trampoline! [ grunts .]
[ Creak! creak! .]
It's sticky.
Dude, it's a spider web.
Ohhh.
Well, cut me out, yo! No way.
I'll stunt you out! Whaaah! [ splat! .]
I was thinking something else would happen.
You got anything sharp? The only sharp thing I had were my fingernails, but you made me cut them.
They were too long, Finn.
[ scratching .]
[ rip! .]
Aaaaah! You broke the skin, dude! I guess my fingernails are really lo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ng! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
It's cool, man.
Can you stretch us out of here'? Humph! Hmphhhhh! Humphhh! Aghh! [ Panting .]
[ Yawns .]
I'm gonna take a nap while you grow out your fingernails.
We'll make our escape when I wake up.
[ snoring .]
MAN: You'll never escape! We will all die in the web! That's the circle of life.
That's not a circle.
That's, likea straight line.
We don't make the rules, man.
Well, don't just give up.
[ snoring .]
WOMAN: And you're walking too fast.
You know I can't BOTH: The spiders are back! Try to stay calm.
Greet your fate with dignity.
BOTH: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! We got to go, Jake! - [ snoring .]
- [ grunting .]
Jake! So, what? You're not talking to me now? No.
I'm just tired from setting traps all day solo style.
Why are you mad? I just said I was tired.
But you're acting like you're mad.
I'm not mad! Oh, look -- food that I caught.
[ grunting .]
In my web.
For us.
[ grunting .]
I spin webs, too, Ed.
Yeah, I know.
I try just as hard as you.
Hmm? Well, go ahead, then.
Wrap them up for laters.
What's wrong, Barb? What's going on there, Jake? [ snoring .]
I can't! You think I'm gross when I spin my web! What?! I could see it on your face! Tell me that you don't! Uh Iuhum You tell me you don't find me gross! [ voice breaking .]
Oh, get stuffed, Ed! [ crying .]
Barb! [ Sighs .]
You guys are sad.
[ Cream .]
[ farting .]
Ugh! What is that sound? Sick, dude! She makes that sound, too? Yeah, I guess, but she never does it in front of me.
[ Splat! .]
Anyway, it's not gross when guys do it.
Dude, that's not cool.
You need to think about what you say and how that affects your lady.
How about how she affects me? I love her, man.
[ snoring .]
Hmmhuh? Humph! [ Yawns .]
Oh, snap.
How long was I out? Can someone tell me why we fight -- Why she treats me like all I do is make her feel bad? Tell me, Glob.
Why don't you ever answer me?! It's hard to step outside of yourself when you're enmeshed with another being.
Oh, Grod! It's over! It's over! Aaaaaaaah! Wait! What? [ whimpering .]
Ummmmm [ crying .]
Right now, we got to real-talk about your girlfriend.
I don't real-talk with my food.
Uh [ grunts .]
We real-talk now, or you're gonna be as single as your stinky web squirter! Yeah, right.
You just want to get out of my web.
All you food ever want to do is escape.
Y'all is always like in cahoots, making plans not to be food.
I'm not in cahoots.
So, okay.
Eat your friend here.
[ wings buzzing .]
Okay.
No, Finn! What?! Where is your heart?! Look inside yourself! This isn't you! I'm gonna fake-eat you, man.
Oh.
Word.
N-o-o-o-o-o-o! [ chomping .]
Oh, my guts! My guts everywhere! Ohhhh! How could you?! Aaaaah! Okay, man.
You've earned my trust.
So let's do this.
Real-talk me, Bro.
[ Muffled .]
Okay, first off, then, how you're going about this isn't working.
Am I right? [ sighs deeply .]
Yeah.
It's not working.
My way sucks.
Cool.
Now we got to do damage control -- healing the negs energy at the source.
Yes, heal the negsergies in me.
All right, uh [ whispering .]
Go find Barb a present.
That'll fix the first neg.
Can you do that? Yeah, I can find her a present, if you think that'll help.
I don't think it will.
But what do l know? I'm just a big ol' dummy who does everything wrong.
Ptoo! Wheeeeee! You're free-e-e-e-e! Ugh! Oh, man! It's okay, Finn.
You bought us some time.
Yeah.
Think fast.
What can we use? There's nothing.
Just a bunch of nature.
[ birds chirping .]
I have a dumb idea.
[ Sighs .]
Get her a present.
[ sighing .]
Hmph.
When was the last time she got me a present? What would she want, anyways? How do I know? We never talk.
Geez, what happened to my life? All my friends are gone.
They all got kids now.
Idon't have kids.
All I have is Barb.
And she [ sobbing .]
treats me like a-a dingus! [ Gasps .]
Oh! Cool! A sword! [ shing! .]
Wow! Neat! It's magic or something! We can hang this up over our mantel and snuggle by the fire [ laughs .]
like we -- like we used to! I'm gonna fix us, Barb! Fix us! All right, one two three! [ Spits .]
Yo! What? Shoot! Here comes another one.
One, two, three! [ spits .]
[ whistling .]
My eyes! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ha ha! Yes! Finally! Good job! Last chance for life.
Break out! [ grunting .]
Yeah, you mommy! [ web snaps .]
BARB: Hey! What's going on here'? [ birds chirping .]
Nothing.
Aah! Oh! Crabapples! Where's Ed? Oh.
Uh, he's getting you an "I'm sorryâ gift.
He feels crazy about making you cry.
He does'? Really? ED: Barb! Barb! Ed? Barb! Look! Damage control! Check it out! I wrapped it up and everything! Oh, Ed, I can't believe it! Yeah! Come on! Open it! I-I really just -- I-It's just so unlike you to -- What's this? It's a sword.
I found it in the woods.
In the woods?! ED: Yeah.
It's magical, though.
Check out the blade! BARB: You got this for you, Ed.
No, I got it for us -- for snuggles by the fire! We are never gonna snuggles until you learn to appreciate me! Oh, really? Well, I guess we're never gonna eat again, either, 'cause I catch the food and your butt is dysfunctional! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Yaaaaah! Go! Run away, food! We don't need you, apparently! Just break up, you guys! Do it for you! Now what are you gonna eat? Huh, Barb? I'm gonna eat you! Yo! That's wrong! Who ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-res?! [ shrieks .]
Aaah! Aaaaaaaah! JAKE: We're free! [ Panting .]
ED: Aaaaaaaaaah! Eeee! Ohhhh! Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! No! No! No! Aah! Oh, no.
You got that look on your face.
You going back to help that fool? His wife's gonna eat him! Spider marriage is complicated.
Sometimes you just got to mind your own biz.
ED: Oh, help! Somebody help me! [ groans .]
Go with Glob.
Oof! Mercy! Aah! Oh! Ugh! [ Hisses .]
Ugh! You little twerp! Are you stupid Or something?! Yeah, I'm stupid! But I know something real -- you shouldn't eat your husband! Whoa! Ugh! [ grunting .]
[ Hisses .]
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! [ grunting .]
Aaaaaah! Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Yo.
Smoothing things out? Uh, not exactly.
[ screaming .]
Barb! Barb! What's wrong, my love? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargghh! [ groans .]
[ shrieks .]
Aghh! O-kay.
[ screaming .]
What is happening?! Something we're not supposed to see.
Oh, Ed.
We're parents! Oh, sick! I think there's hope for us, Barb.
We can make a new start -- as a family.
[ Both smooching .]
Nice.
Think they're gonna make it? Love like theirs will always find a way.
It'll crawl all up over you and drain your body fluids, poisoning you slowly until you pass out.
Whaaaaaa! Circle of life, Finn.
Circle of life.
FINN: Yeeeeoooohhhhh! Come along with me And the butterflies and bees We can wander through the forest And do so as we please Come along with me To a cliff under a tree FINN: This party is so crazy!