Baskets (2016) s04e03 Episode Script

1 (CHIP SNORING) (ALARM CLOCK BLARING) (ALARM STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) Hot! Shit.
Oh, gosh.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Sweet.
(SIGHS) (LINE RINGING) TAMMY: Hello? Hey.
Hey, Tammy.
It's, uh, Chip Baskets.
Uh, the clown? Oh, Chip.
Did everything go okay with the condo? Uh, yeah.
Actually, uh, I'm-I'm here right now.
You don't sound too excited about it.
No, it's good, it's good.
It's just, you know, um It's just an adjustment, I guess.
You know, it's, uh Trying to make it my own.
Well, it is your own.
Look, I'm hosting a retreat-style workshop at my place tomorrow.
It's technically for my more advanced students, but I think you'd get a lot out of it.
Why don't you come? Um Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, I'll come.
Great.
See you tomorrow.
Okay.
Okay, thank-thanks, Tammy.
- Okay.
- Okay, bye.
Thank you.
And this is my new kitchen! Ah! (GASPS) I love this.
- So industrial.
- Oh, yes.
- Subzero.
- Oh! I love it.
Oh! And the backsplash is beautiful.
Oh, all of your accoutrements.
- Oh! - They're so fantastic.
Well, maybe it'll give you some inspiration for your kitchen.
- You know, some good ideas.
- Oh.
(SIGHS) I hope so.
You know, I just don't feel at home in that new house.
I feel like I'm living in a stranger's house.
Oh, Christine, give it some time.
That's going to pass.
- Is it? - Yes.
Look at you.
You've got all this beauty in here.
It's (LAUGHS) - "Bless this mess"? - MAGGIE (LAUGHS): Oh, yes.
- What is that? - Oh, well, I looked all over for it, and I finally found it at Sears.
You know, you have to have just the right one.
- What's yours? - Huh? - Your kitchen slogan.
- Oh.
- What is a-a kitchen slogan? - Oh, yeah.
Makes everyone feel at home when you're in the kitchen.
You know, and it's-it's really what my cooking's all about.
(BOTH LAUGH) I guess, uh I guess I don't have one.
Well, that's your problem.
If you don't have a kitchen slogan, how are you ever gonna know what your kitchen's about? Oh, I guess you're right.
Hmm.
Uh-huh.
Right, well, I already told you we don't cover arson, so it's not my problem.
I'm hanging up now.
Look at you being assertive.
Those Tammy classes are really paying off.
Yeah.
I'm being a real bitch.
It's great.
So, you think I can borrow your car for tomorrow? - Oh, tomorrow? - Yeah, tomorrow.
I've got an important thing to do with important people.
Um I don't What are you gonna do tomorrow? - You never do anything.
- Well Chip, I'm not, um Well, that sounds like a yes.
- Well - Thanks, Martha.
Those are also my apartment keys.
Goddamn it.
What are you looking at, Scott? (DOORBELL RINGS) Chip! I'm so glad you made it.
This is gonna be so good for you.
Wait till you see.
- Come on in.
- Nice place.
There's some people I want you to meet.
This is Evan.
He's Merle Haggard's nephew, which I think is really cool.
- Evan Haggard.
- Nice to meet you.
TAMMY: And this is Breezy.
She's into crystals.
And, Bart, I want you to meet Chip.
Bart once played the drums with Peter Gabriel.
Peter Cetera, but that's okay.
- (CHUCKLES) I'm so sorry.
- Nice to meet you, Mr.
Cetera.
- What an honor.
- And this is Shelby, but you might know her better as the Garlic Queen of Bakersfield.
- Hello.
How are you? - And where is she? Oh, there she is.
You know Martha.
Chip.
You're here? TAMMY: Everybody get settled, make yourselves at home.
We're gonna start in a minute.
Oh, my God, there's so many things.
It's overwhelming.
"Don't be afraid of taking whisks.
" (LAUGHS) Right? Is it just me that thinks that's funny? Well, it's a big decision, choosing the-the right sign.
Well, what do most people get? Oh, well, "wine o'clock" is very popular.
MRS.
BASKETS: "Wine o'clock"? Does that sound like me? Do you drink a lot? No.
You're the expert, though, Jordan.
(SIGHS) Geez.
Look at this.
"Jesus and coffee, amen.
" Eh.
What if I bought them all? Would I get a deal? Yeah, we could we could cut something.
'Cause then I could just try them out and then the-the response I'd get.
Of course, I don't get that kind of traffic at the house, so You know what? I'm gonna take this one.
I love it.
I'll go get it for you.
Thank you.
(SIGHS) - (METAL CLANGING) - TAMMY: Gather in, everyone.
Gather in.
I just don't understand why you didn't say something when I came to borrow your car.
Because I didn't want you asking - if you could come with me.
- (CHIP SIGHS) Well, that's why I didn't tell you what I was doing.
Look, Chip, maybe you could just leave.
I mean, I'm glad that Tammy helped you with the condo and everything, but this is kind of my thing.
Also, that Uber here cost me almost $300.
Why don't you take the bus? You take the bus next time.
(METAL CLANGING) TAMMY: Chip, since this is your first time, why don't you tell us something about yourself.
CHIP: Um (CLICKING TONGUE) Uh I don't like cats.
TAMMY: Okay.
Let's move on.
Martha, what about you? Well, Chip stole mine.
Um Okay, um, I'm more of a dog person.
Okay.
Let's move on.
We're gonna have five minutes of quiet.
(WHISPERS): This is gonna be a long weekend.
- Okay, keep your eyes closed, Ken.
- My eyes are closed.
- Here comes the surprise.
- This is so exciting, Christine.
- Keep them closed.
- All right.
Okay, open your eyes.
(SIGHS) - MRS.
BASKETS: Do you love it? - I don't get it.
What what are head tomatoes? No, no.
It's a thinker.
It's like me.
- I'm sorry, I just, I-I don't get it.
- Okay.
Look, "I love" "you from my head to-may-toes.
" "I love you from my head to my toes.
" Oh.
Oh, I get it.
Yeah.
- It's very funny.
- Oh, it is not.
You hate it.
No, I mean, not every kitchen has a slogan.
Maybe we're just not kitchen slogan people.
What are we, blank walls people? Baby, it's no big deal.
Well, this place doesn't even feel like me.
The cupboards don't.
The floors don't.
This big island here.
The stove.
The knobs are European.
They turn to the left.
They don't even turn to the right to turn it on.
- Honey - It's Honey, listen to me now.
- This is our home.
- Yeah.
We're gonna clean up this mess, and we're gonna make it just beautiful.
We'll paint it just in the colors that you like.
We'll get some of your old stuff to make it feel like your own.
And we'll-we'll dig out your old fridge magnets.
(WHISPERS): Fridge magnets.
Did you pack those? No.
Was I supposed to? What box are those in? I had a little taco magnet.
I had a little doughnut magnet with a bite out of it.
And then Chip made me a half moon that was full of macaroni, and it was really good.
I've had it on my fridge for 40 years.
And then I got a collectible one from the bank about the bicentennial.
- That only happens every - I'm sorry, Christine, I just don't see them anywhere.
- We've unpacked the kitchen boxes.
- (SIGHS) What do you want to do? I want to find 'em.
(KNOCKING) Can I help you? Remember me? Christine Baskets? Sure.
I used to own this house.
I really just don't understand the point of this exercise.
Well, we're just gathering food so that we can all participate in nourishing each other.
It just seems like we're all working for free, that's all.
Wait a minute, Tammy's not charging you to be here? No.
She charging you? (EXHALES) You know what, Chip? I've been doing this program for, like, four months, and I have a lot of seniority over you, so I'm just gonna tell you right now to shut up and pick your stupid tomatoes.
- Good God! - Everything okay here? - (CHIP SIGHS) - Sorry, Tammy, it's just these newbies bug the shit out of me sometimes.
Tammy, I'm just not real sure how this is how this is helping me.
Here.
Why don't you and I just go for a little walk together, just the two of us, okay? - Let's go.
- (MARTHA SIGHS) Wai Um, Tammy, wai I'm sorry, but I've been working really hard, and I've been looking forward to this retreat for weeks, and then Chip just shows up last minute? Martha dear, why don't you just focus on Martha right now.
Focus.
(MARTHA SIGHS) TAMMY: Come on, Chip.
MARTHA: Damn it.
Ow.
God Sorry.
You think this is all pretty silly, don't you? - No.
- (LAUGHS) It's okay, you don't have to pretend.
I guess it it wasn't what I was expecting.
And what were you expecting, exactly? To be able to change everything that's wrong in your life in one day? This is a daily practice, Chip.
That's the whole point.
There's no magic answer.
I know this seems a little hippy-dippy to you, but that's what most people respond to.
You're different.
I am? Yes.
You have a deeply critical sensibility about you.
And that's a good thing.
MRS.
BASKETS: You know, they were right here, the magnets.
(GASPS) New backsplash, huh? Wow.
Not my taste, but okay.
(GASPS) My microwave! I miss it.
- Do you use it? Do you love it? - We don't really use it.
Yeah, this is such a great kitchen.
I really miss it.
- My kitchen's a mess.
- You you know, I'm pretty sure the fridge was just blank when we moved in.
Yeah, we would have noticed the magnets.
What about the kids? Maybe they got their hands on them, you know, and squirreled them away in some of their hiding places.
No, they're actually, you know, more into video games.
- Well - WOMAN: You know, why don't you just - buy some new magnets? - Yeah.
What? Why don't you get some new kids, if you lost them? (EXHALES) (MRS.
BASKETS GROANS LOUDLY IN FRUSTRATION) The move.
(WHISPERS): I'm so stressed out.
- Yeah, no, we we totally get it.
- Mm-hmm.
Those magnets really mean a lot to me.
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry to insult your (WHISPERS): children.
MAN: It's okay.
You mind if I poke around in the garage a little bit? I still think they might be here.
Um (BIRDS CHIRPING) I wasn't always like this, you know.
When my husband died it wasn't until I was in a car wreck that I realized how terrified I was of being alive.
What I'm talking about is that when people are having trouble moving forward in their life, it's usually because they're holding on to some kind of trauma.
There's a reason that you're here today, Chip.
There's a reason that you're having problems moving forward in life.
Who are you afraid of becoming? Um my dad was a nice, normal man, but he just He wasn't happy.
Is he still alive? No, he (EXHALES) He died when I was young.
How? The bridge, and he, um (WHISPERS): jumped off the bridge.
Look, Chip, we're all afraid of becoming our parents, but I have a secret for you.
- You're not your father.
- (SIGHS) I am not my mother.
(CHUCKLES) You don't have to be afraid of growing up.
It's not gonna kill you.
- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) - Look.
Give me your hand.
I want you to keep this rock.
I want you to hold on to this any time you're feeling scared.
I want you to put all of your energy into this rock, let it be your ballast.
Let it remind you that you're not afraid of growing up, that you're a mature adult.
And then I want you to go back to my house with your head held high, knowing that you are an important adult with an impressive life.
This is really neat.
What is this made out of? It's just a rock.
Is it a crystal or? It's a metaphor.
Just drop it.
It's in the pool.
(LAUGHING) You didn't mean "drop the rock"? You mean No, I meant it's a metaphor.
Learn from it.
I'll see you in a bit.
(INSECTS TRILLING) I found a sock.
Oh.
Well, we're not looking for socks, honey.
We're looking for magnets.
Hey, you girls didn't hide my magnets, did you? You know, there was a Garfield one.
I would imagine you'd like to have one of those.
We don't know who that is.
What? They don't know who Garfield is! Okay.
Uh, so, girls, it's time to take a bath.
- (GASPS) - KID: But we haven't found them yet.
I don't think we're gonna find them tonight, okay? Not with that attitude.
(LAUGHS) - Okay, kids.
Come on.
Let's go.
- Thanks girls.
Enjoy that tub.
I love that tub.
Okay, kids, come on.
Go with Mom.
- Cute kids.
- Thanks.
You know, I was thinking maybe we could pull that old stove out and see if the magnets are behind there.
Look, ma'am I'm sorry uh, about your magnets, but they're obviously not here, so I need you to leave.
Oh.
Well Okay.
(SIGHS) Thanks for letting me look.
Enjoy that microwave.
It's a beauty.
So, Chip, you said you, uh, run a business.
Yes, I am owner-operator of a rodeo.
Uh, Baskets Family Rodeo.
EVAN: Rodeo.
Wow.
That's very impressive.
That must be a lot to handle.
It's you know, it's-it's very rewarding work.
SHELBY: Here, try this.
(CHUCKLES) - That is very flavorful.
- It's mostly garlic.
- It's very good for the heart.
- Mm.
Hey, Martha, can you see if there's some salt over there - and bring it over? - Why? Are your legs broken? Get your own salt.
(QUIETLY): Martha, look, I know you're trying to be a little bit more assertive, but this is a little much.
Oh, is it? I guess you would know, since you've taken over the retreat.
Martha.
- (SCOFFS) - Sorry.
I'm hammered.
Oh, I was gonna put some of these carrots in with the roast.
Anybody here a vegetarian? - I am.
Yeah.
- Oh, yeah? Vegan, actually.
Yeah.
You're not vegan.
- Yeah, I am.
- MARTHA: I've seen you eat raw beef.
That Yeah.
Maybe from a long time ago, but (STAMMERS) people change.
Be quiet, Martha.
How are we all doing in here? We're fine, Tammy.
Everything's fine.
I think Martha might have had a little too much zinfandel.
Hey.
Keep my name out of your mouth, Sheryl.
It's Shelby.
Who gives a shit? Well, why don't we all gather together around the table and do a thankfulness circle before we eat? Wouldn't that be good? I'm not done basting.
I think the roast looks just fine, Martha.
How 'bout a little water, honey? - I'm fine.
- You know, Martha, - I can handle it.
- Fine.
(SLURRING): You don't want it basted? - BART: Whoa! - CHIP: Martha.
- TAMMY: Oh.
Be careful.
It's hot.
- (SCOFFS) - Ow, ow, ow, ow.
- It's really hot.
- Watch out.
- BART: Oh! Hot! - Hot, hot, hot! - Careful! (HISSES) It's not that hot.
That guy's a pussy.
TAMMY: Martha! I think you've had enough.
I'm sorry, Martha, but it's best that you leave.
Okay.
Fine.
I guess I'll call an Uber.
Watch out where you step.
- There are potatoes everywhere.
- You watch your step.
(PHONE CHIMES) Well, it's 48 minutes away.
I guess I'll wait on the porch? "Uh I'm a vegan.
" (MARTHA SCOFFS) - (EXHALES) - (DOOR OPENS) - I should drive her home.
- (DOOR CLOSES) If she's gonna throw up, she should do it in her own car.
And, um, look, I-I w I was just trying to impress you all.
I, uh I'm not a vegan.
I had a salami log for breakfast this morning.
Well, we've got a lot of potatoes.
They're everywhere.
I'm sorry for being so weird up there, Chip.
That's okay, Martha.
I was being weird, too.
God, I was being so weird.
You know, I just need to realize that I-I don't need to be afraid of growing up.
And it's okay to have a normal happy existence.
And that for that to hap (SIGHS) (SINGSONGY): You're turning into Martha.
- (DOOR OPENS) - MRS.
BASKETS: Ken! KEN: In the kitchen! I didn't get the magnets.
I think that young couple sold 'em Probably on eBay.
I hope they got a pretty penny for 'em, because they're collect Ken, what did you do? Moving is hard.
And I knew there was a lot of stress on you.
The place was a mess, so I figured I'd try to make it more homey.
It's so beautiful, Ken.
And take a look at this.
Now you can decide on whatever slogan you'd like.
Thank you.
Thank you, Ken.
How thoughtful.
(CHUCKLES) I'm so sorry.
I was just I'm so selfish.
Oh, God.
We have a lot of blenders, don't we? KEN: Yeah.
We could start a smoothie stand.
(BOTH LAUGHING) (SIGHS) TAMMY: You're not your father.
You are an important adult with an impressive life.
(SIGHS) Okay.