Buffy the Vampire Slayer s04e03 Episode Script

When I see your face My eyes just dilate But I can't erase That I wanna violate - Hey, look.
Parker's here.
- Yeah.
You're not looking? He looks really cute in green.
Teal.
He's reflected in the mirror.
When you spend all week with a boy, you are allowed to look at him directly.
Not all week.
We hung out, moderately incessantly.
But we're not here together tonight.
I don't wanna crowd him.
Hey.
You guys ready to load up and go? Almost.
Buffy's lookin' at Parker.
Who, it turns out, has a reflection, so big plus there.
- Buffy's having lusty wrong feelings.
- No, I'm not! - No, you're not.
- Oh, I so am.
No, they're not wrong feelings, cos there's no wrong.
You're free, you're both grown-ups.
You are free, right? Hi.
I just wanted to let you know I'm headin' out.
And it's not real safe around here, so ifyou, you know, walk back to your dorm How silly of me not to have planned ahead.
- Bye.
- See you, guys.
That was, like, the best set ever.
We'll do great in LA.
We'll have 'em glued to their seats.
Uh, Devon? Aren't they supposed to dance? Well, we can glue 'em to the dance floor.
I don't mean with real glue.
- You got that, right? - I got that.
Willow? - Harmony! Hi.
I haven't seen you since - Since graduation.
- Big snake, huh? - Yeah.
- So, how was your summer vacation? - Oh, I was gonna go to France.
- But I didn't.
I was dying to see the stores.
- Oh, and museums.
- Museums? - Yeah.
I heard they had 'em.
You know, a rumour you pick up on the streets.
Right.
You're always so funny, Willow.
You haven't changed a bit.
- No, you neither.
- Oh, maybe a little.
Back off, Harmony! OK.
Fine.
Hide behind your boyfriend.
But guess what.
I have a boyfriend too.
And he's gonna be mad that you were mean to me.
- Hobbies? - Yeah.
Hobbies.
Interests.
I feel like there's so much I still don't know about you.
What do you like to do? Well, mostly I hang out and do stuff.
Yeah, I was into that for a while.
- What's that? - What's what? - You have a scar.
- Right.
Angry puppy.
So, do I get to see any ofyour scars? - Oh, mine are all psychological.
- Oh, please.
Those are the best kind.
Well, my father died last year.
Oh.
God.
Parker, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to bring up that stuff.
- Bad, bad Buffy.
- No, no, I'm OK to talk about it now.
And I'm not doing the deep, get-sympathy routine.
I mean, don't you just hate guys who are all "I'm dark and brooding, so give me love?" I don't think I've ever met that type.
I just wanted to say that what made it so sad was that there was a lot of stuff he didn't get to finish.
It made me think about you know, living for now.
I think about that sometimes.
Yeah, I sort of drowned a couple ofyears ago.
But I came back.
Obviously.
But I don't put stuff off any more.
Like you were saying.
That's great.
I mean, everybody says they get it: "Oh, man, me too.
Live for today.
" But they really want an excuse to goof off and not study for finals.
Also a valid life choice.
It's cool to find someone else who understands.
So, Parker Abrams, when you go to sleep tonight, what are you gonna regret not doing today? I'm going to regret being too nervous to ask you to go to the party at Wolf House tomorrow night.
- Do you wanna go to the party - Yes.
I'm not enjoying this.
Shelve them correctly and we can finish.
- I don't get your crazy system.
- My system? It's called the alphabet.
Huh.
Would you look at that? - You should lock your door.
- Believe me, I am kicking myself.
Anya? Last time I saw you, fleeing in terror.
How'd that work out for ya? I need to talk to Xander.
Go away.
Xander, come with me.
- Your mother said you were working here.
- Yeah.
I need some money.
- So where is our relationship going? - Our what? Our who? Relationship.
What kind do we have, and what is it progressing toward? I We have a relationship? We went to the prom.
Yes.
On our one-and-only date.
Second date called on account of snake, remember? And there's the "you used to be a man-killing demon" thing, which, to be fair, is as much my issue as it is yours.
I can't stop thinking about you.
Sometimes, in my dreams, you're all naked.
Really? lf I'm in the checkout line at the Wal-Mart, I've had that same one.
So, I can assume a standing Friday-night date and recognise prom night as our anniversary? Anya, slow down.
In fact, come to a screeching halt.
See, these things kind of have to develop on their own.
- All right.
How? - I don't know.
Itjust happens.
This is it.
My door.
Wood.
Maybe some kind ofwood veneer.
It's nice.
Hey! Hi.
Hi.
Remember Harmony? She's back from her summer vacation.
And she's a little different.
- Different? - Paler.
- Is your neck OK? - Neck.
Paler.
Puppy.
The angry puppy! Yeah.
We came to warn you about the angry puppy.
- I should take care ofthis now.
- I'll pick you up tomorrow night for the party.
I can't wait.
Band-Aid.
Now.
Thank you.
Harmony's a vampire? She must be dying without a reflection.
She just made me so mad.
"My boyfriend's gonna beat you up.
" - "My boyfriend"? - Well, ifyou believe her.
She always lied about stuff like that.
"He goes to another school.
You wouldn't know him.
" Devon dated her for a while, but she was too flaky for him, which Stop and marvel at the concept.
A guy dating Harmony dead.
Must be, like, the most tolerant guy in the world.
Hi, baby.
I'm back.
It's definitely the crypt? I'm not keen on tunnelling into someone's septic tank.
It's the crypt.
The radar soundings are clear.
The walls are thinnest here at the bottom.
We have to tunnel from underneath.
More work, but I'm sure You'd better be more than sure, mate.
Cos I'd hate to have to hurt you.
I swear.
I swear.
How's my little blondie bear? Harm, does this look like a good time to talk? Are you gonna kill Willow today? Cos I want you to say: "This is for messing with my sweet girl.
" And then, you know Nobody knows I'm here.
Killing the Slayer's best friend would tend to announce I'm back.
We're too bloody close.
You almost killed her last year.
Why the big deal? Sod off! Go eat something.
I've got work to do.
- This one tastes funny.
Take me out to eat.
- He's perfectly fresh.
I had a math class with him last year.
I didn't like him then, either.
- Harm! - I wanna go to a party! Ooh.
Right here, baby? ln front of Brian? - You'd like that, wouldn't you? - Maybe I would.
After a party.
Tonight.
I'll take you somewhere nice.
Standin' in the pouring rain Cos you couldn't even be there to pick me up You're taking me for granted again You're running out oftime and you're out of luck Just a moment ofweakness This is some party, huh? Last days of Rome.
Better.
No old Romans.
- You wanna dance? - No.
Let's have a meaningful talk instead.
Spike.
- And Harmony.
- Buffy.
Hi.
What a cute outfit - Iast year.
Well, this is interesting.
It's sort of a double date.
Looks like your friend started the party a little early, huh? Say, let's have a look at the new boy.
Hi.
I'm Parker.
I like him.
He's got What's the word? Vulnerability.
And you with Harmony.
What, did you lose a bet? Hey! Actually, how we met, it's a funny story really.
Stay here.
What's the matter, Spike? Dru dump you again? Maybe I dumped her.
She left him for a fungus demon.
That's all he talks about.
Harm! We are going.
It isn't time yet.
Yeah.
But as soon as we have the Gem ofAmara, you're gonna be sorr What? Ow! Come in.
Anya.
Hi again.
Your mother sent me around.
She also said to add fabric softener when the timer goes off.
- Can we talk some more? - Yeah, I suppose.
Would you care for somethin'? I have cran-apple.
All right.
You know, it is customary to call before you show up.
Not that Yeah, Spike with Harmony.
Ifyou can believe it.
I couldn'tfigure out whyhe ran away, butHarmonysaidsomething.
Why they were here.
They were looking for the Gem of something.
Um, Amara? The Gem ofAmara? Are you sure? - Yeah.
What's up? - Oh, it's just it's not real.
It's like the vampire equivalent ofthe Holy Grail.
A source of some enormous power, always conveniently vague.
Here it is.
Yes.
"There was a great deal of vampiric interest in locating the Gem during" Oh, the 10th century.
"Questing vampires combed the earth, but no one found it.
" "It was concluded that it never existed.
" Well, Spike seems to think it exists.
And he's lookin' in Sunnydale.
Yes, well, I'llresearch itas bestl can.
You've done all you can for tonight.
Go to bed.
Uh-huh.
Sleepy.
Yawn.
Bye.
- Is Antonio Banderas a vampire? - No.
Oh.
- Can I make him a vampire? - No.
Wait.
On second thought, yeah.
Go do that.
Take your time.
Do Melanie and the kids as well.
Hey, I don't have a pulse.
Cool! Can we eat a doctor, so I can get a stethoscope and hear my heart not beating? Harm, what does it take to get you to shut the hell up? And if my heart's not beating, then what are all these veins for? I'm simply covered in these blue veins.
See? We've got an extra set of chains.
Eeuw! Just because Dorkus went in for that - Dru-silla.
- Whatever.
- Say her name.
- Dorkus.
- Bite your tongue.
- Do it for me.
At which point the matter is concluded, with both parties satisfied and able to move on with their separate lives.
To sum up, I think it's a workable plan.
So, the crux ofthis plan is? Sexual intercourse.
I've said it, like, a dozen times.
Uh-huh.
Just working through a little hysterical deafness here.
I think it's the secret to getting you out of my mind.
Putting you behind me.
Behind me figuratively.
I'm thinking face to face for the event itself.
Ah.
Right.
It's just we hardly know each other.
I mean, I like you.
And you have a certain directness that I admire.
But sexual inter What you're talking about, well And I'm actually turning into a woman as I say this But it's about expressing something.
And accepting consequences.
Oh, I have condoms.
Some are black.
That's That's very considerate.
I like you.
You're funny, and you're nicely shaped.
And, frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not interlock.
Please remove your clothing now.
And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith.
Fabric softener.
Parker.
I was afraid I wasn't gonna be able to find you.
- I was getting a little worried.
- I'm so sorry.
It's just the English guy is an old friend.
And he's not supposed to drink.
And I saw him here, you know, in the land ofthe beer Buffy, it's OK.
You did a good thing for your friend.
Did you and he used to, like, go out? No.
No, we really, really didn't.
Good.
Now, we have time to make up for.
Think I could get a dance with the prettiest girl at the party? And what do I do? Just stand here and watch? It was a Monday when My lover told me "Never pay the Reaper with Love only" What could I say to you Except "I love you" And "I'd give my life for yours"? I know we are We are the lucky ones I know we are We are the lucky ones I know we are We are the lucky ones, dear Well, I declared pre-med, but I hated it.
So I switched to history.
History? Fascinating dates and compelling places.
But there's something amazing about these huge events, that when you dig down into them, they're all about people.
Just regular people just trying to make choices.
When you look back, it seems like they were swept up in events they couldn't control.
But I don't believe that.
You always have a choice with everything you do.
Is this OK? Because I could stop ifyou wanted.
It's your choice.
What are you doing? Making a choice.
lknow, lknow, lknow, lknow lknow, lknow lknow, lknow It's time to letyou know Time to letyou know Time to letyou know Time to sithere andsay Hey.
This is Buffyand Willow.
We're notin rightnow, so please leave a message.
Buffy, are you there? Call me.
I need to talk to you right away.
We are the lucky ones lknow we are We are the lucky ones, dear Dear We are the lucky ones, dear Dear We are the lucky ones, dear Parker? OK.
Just a shirt Pants.
Everybody needs pants.
- Hey, you're up.
- You're here.
- I live here.
- Oh, I just I didn't know where you were.
It seemed like you were gonna be out for a while, so I ran for coffee.
It's better than what I've got around here - warm soda and breath mints.
Breath mints.
Wouldn't be turning 'em down right now.
So, do you have plans today, or? Actually, my mom's coming to visit.
Oh.
Well, I'll just clear out, then.
But maybe we could, you know, talk or something later? - Absolutely.
I'll give you a call.
- Great.
- Oh, one more thing before I go.
- A kiss? Well, I was going to go with pants, but a kiss is good too.
So, I'm over you now.
OK.
OK? Yeah? Harm, what are you doing? I'm writing "Spike loves Harmony" on your back.
- Why? - I don't know.
It's fun.
I'm bored.
You can write on me.
Got to get back to work.
You love that tunnel more than me.
I love syphilis more than you.
- Good morning.
- Giles! - I didn't know you were here.
- Oh, really? I was studying.
At the library.
All Saturday night.
You know what? I'm an adult and it's none ofyour business.
And I'm sincerely relieved to hear it.
Now, can we discuss the impending disaster? - Giles found something.
- A text.
It refers to the Gem ofAmara as residing in the "Valley ofthe Sun".
- Demon fancy talk for Sunnydale.
- It seems Spike may know what it's about.
The Gem may exist after all, in Sunnydale, in a sealed underground crypt.
Why don't you guys try and locate the crypt? I'll see if I can find Spike before he gets there.
- I'll get started.
- I'll tell Xander and Oz to meet at your place.
Right.
It happened, right? Did it happen? With Parker? - Yeah, it happened.
- Well, and? Details! I mean, not details.
I don't need a diagram.
But, you know, like, maybe a blurry watercolour.
It was nice.
It was really nice.
He's gonna call.
I love this part.
Don't you love this part? When it's all new and everything's a discovery? I don't know.
I guess I do.
- It's here! - I knew it was here.
We're close now.
No one leaves the lair till we're in.
I don't want the Slayer tracking us to the tunnel.
That means you, Harm.
You're an indoor kitty now.
But, Spike, you said you'd take me places.
You said we'd go to France, and now I can't even leave the lair? Listen to me, you stupid bint.
This Gem is everything.
I came back to Sunnydale for it.
A place which has witnessed some truly spectacular kickings of my ass.
Now, when I have the Gem, they all die, don't worry.
But until then, stay inside.
And by the way, I would be insanely happy iffrom this point on I heard bugger all about sodding France! I don't know why I let you be so mean to me.
Love hurts, baby.
Water turns to sand And turns to sound And turns to sound Followme, I'm goin' Underground This orbitis An interlude Temporary, planetaryfood You've got one newmessage, at 9.
05pm.
Hi, it's me.
I'm at Giles'.
DidParker callyet? Lendme yourfire So I can burn Save allmyashes Formyreturn Not with a scream But with a sigh It's real.
Ooh.
Pretty.
Can I take stuff? Take whatever you want.
I don't care.
Eeuw! Like you're too good to work a clasp.
So? ls it doing it? Do you feel it? I mean, you don't look any different, ifyou wondered.
I thought maybe you'd look taller, or glow, or something.
You should put some butter on that.
But, hey, maybe it's worth money anyway.
And then we could go to France and stay in a chateau, and you could take me shopping I can't believe you just did that! Hold on.
What are you doing, you big freak? - That's my Gem.
- Don't Fine! Fine! lfthat's all that matters to you, then just take it.
Take it.
Take it and get out! That's a good idea.
I think I'll go play outside.
OK, either I'm borrowing all your albums or I'm movin' in.
There are more important things than records right now.
More important than this one? - I suppose an argument could be made for - Whoa! Giles has a TV! Everybody, Giles has a TV.
He's shallow, like us.
- I gotta admit, a little disappointed.
- Maybe it doesn't work.
It's, like, art.
Andin breaking localnews, area residents face traffic disruptions Public television.
Look, come on, we have vital work to do.
Watching television won't help us right now.
.
.
near the UC Sunnydale campus.
Officials attributed the unusual occurrence to weakening ofthe topsoilsupportnearby.
City work crews deny thatany tunnelling has been done in the area.
Tunnelling.
Spike.
Come on.
Xander, find Buffy and meet us there.
I mean, it hit me hard, you know? My dad.
Since then I just don't put stuff off any more.
It's about living for now.
- Parker? - Buffy.
Buffy Summers, this is Katie Loomis.
What's going on? Hey, Katie, you're gonna be late for class.
I'll catch up later, OK? - She's a friend ofyours? - Yeah.
You'd like her a bunch.
So, what's up? Well, you didn't call.
I mean, I'd understand, you know, ifyou were busy, or sick, or something.
It's only been a couple of days.
You need to talk to me about something? - Is everything OK? - Sure it is.
- It is? - Sure.
So, maybe do you wanna do something? - We could do that.
Absolutely.
- Great.
How about tonight? Well, the thing is I think I'm supposed to get together with some people later.
Parker, did l - Did I do something wrong? - Something wrong? No, of course not.
It was fun.
Didn't you have fun? Watch out how you answer that.
My ego is fragile.
You had fun.
- Is that all it was? - Well, what else was it supposed to be? It seemed Iike you liked me.
I do.
But I'm starting to feel like you thought that meant What? Some kind of commitment? I mean, is that really what you want right now? I just thought Look, I'm sorry ifyou misunderstood something.
I thought things were pretty clear.
I didn't mean to mis I'm sorry.
Look, I really have to go now.
Parker, wait.
- I did this all wrong.
- No, it's cool.
We'll hook up later.
Well, that was pathetic.
Isn't it a fantastic day? Birds singin', squirrels making lots of rotten little squirrels, sun beamin' down in a nice, non-fatal way.
It's very exciting.
Can't wait to see if I freckle.
Oh, do it again.
It tickles.
You know, in a good way.
- The Gem.
- Oh, yeah.
The Gem ofAmara.
Official sponsor of my killing you.
Harmony? Being a vampire sucks.
Buffy! Xander.
I was looking for you.
You weren't in your musty basement.
- Have you seen Buffy? - No.
About what happened.
Well, when I said I was over you, l Anya, I don't have time.
Harmony, where's Spike? Does he have the Gem? He staked me, and then he took it.
He tried to take it right off my finger.
Like I wouldn't have just given it to him.
I would've given him anything he wanted.
He was my platinum baby, and I loved him.
Where did Spike go? Getting tired, Slayer? Xander, get out of here! So, you let Parker take a poke, eh? Didn't seem like you knew each other that well.
What exactly did it take to pry apart the Slayer's dimpled knees? You're a pig, Spike.
Did he play the sensitive lad and get youto seduce him? That's a good trick ifthe girl's thick enough to buy it.
I wonder what you did wrong.
Too strong? Did you bruise the boy? Whatever.
Guess you're not worth a second go.
Come to think of it, someone told me as much.
Who was that? Oh, yeah.
Angel.
- Take it off me this way, we both burn.
- Really? Let's see.
Ow! God! I like it.
- It's small.
- Really worth getting my ribs bashed in.
It's obviously very dangerous.
Destroying it would We don't destroy it.
But, Buffy, any vampire that gets his hands on this is going to be essentially unkillable.
Oh.
- I have that gig in LA.
I could swing by.
- Thanks, Oz.
What's goin' on? What's in LA? She's giving the ring to Angel.
Don't make a fuss.
Buffy, are you sure? He should have it.
So what I'm wondering is, does this always happen? Sleep with a guy and he goes all evil? God, I'm just a fool.
Well, maybe you made a mistake.
But that's OK.
Next time What? Parker said it's OK to make mistakes.
It was sweet.
No, it wasn't.
He was saying that so you would take a chance and sleep with him.
He's a poophead.
You're right.
He's manipulative, and shallow And why doesn't he want me? Am I repulsive? Ifthere was something repulsive about me, you'd tell me, right? I'm your friend.
I would call you "repulsive" in a second.
Maybe Parker and I could still work it out.
Do you think we could still work it out? I think you're missing something about the whole poophead principle.
You go on ahead.
I think I'm gonna go take a walk.
- You sure? - Yeah.
Urgh! Argh!