Footballers' Wives (2002) s04e03 Episode Script

- Are you serious? - I don't know.
I wanted I thought it was Conrad.
- That raped you? - Yes.
Little Frank Junior is looking far too pasty, don't you think? When I said, "No," he said, "It's not what you said an hour ago.
" So an hour before, pissed out of my skull, I said yes to Conrad, Bruno Milligan and Darius Fry.
(Screaming) I think I know who it was.
I'll tell your wife on you if you're not careful.
What? (Screaming) What are you doing? Teaching you some discipline.
You can't be trusted to do as you're told.
So you've forced me to clip your wings.
And you tell me I don't know the value of things.
It's my money that pays for what you got, remember? - Only because you won't let me get a job.
- You're a wife and a mother.
That's a big enough job, isn't it? And it's all I've ever asked you to do for me.
Tell me what kind of husband and father does a mad thing like this, Bruno? 'Cause I bet none of the other girls got home to find their clothes on a barbecue.
Okay.
I resorted to shock tactics last night.
But it was time for a wake-up call.
- I wondered if he had jaundice.
- Jaundice is yellow, Mrs Gates.
We did notice an unnatural colouration during Pundarik's postmortem and carried out some tests.
You're absolutely right.
Fake tan.
Why was there no mention of it in the report? Didn't think it relevant.
There was no link to the cause of death, no ill effects.
My baby was fake tanned and you didn't think to mention it.
I'm sorry, Mrs Gates, we assumed you had carried out the procedure yourself.
What? Well, there are mothers who see their baby as a fashion accessory.
Are you seriously implying that I would treat my son like a handbag? I'm simply saying that we assumed you used this particular product rather than a normal baby sunscreen.
- Well, don't assume 'cause I didn't.
- I do apologise, Mrs Gates.
But I assure you there are no forensic implications.
You have no bloody clue about the implications.
Fix it.
Have a nice day, sweetheart.
Give us a kiss.
- Bye.
- Bye.
I'll stock up your wardrobe again.
One new dress for every day you deserve it, yeah? I'm moving out.
Well, you found somewhere? I wasn't expecting this.
Well, I need to move on, don't I? Get away from the bad memories.
It's good memories we want from now on, Amber, for all of us, like Troy's christening.
- Can I say what we were - Yeah, yeah.
We were gonna ask if you'd be his godmother.
Oh.
Thank you.
I mean it.
- But I think it's too soon.
- Oh, didn't I say? I need to prove I can cope by myself.
I mean, obviously we don't wanna pressurise you.
- To new beginnings.
- New beginnings.
New beginnings.
Oh, I know who you should invite to the christening, if we still have the address she was staying at.
- Oh, thank God for that.
- Yeah.
Let's see if she's in here.
Yep, there she is.
- Janette Dunkley.
- What? - Well, after all she did for our two boys.
- Good idea.
I still feel a bit guilty about sacking her.
Oh, she's probably off sunning herself in Saint-Tropez by now.
Saint-Tropez? I knew summat was wrong.
Starting to think you'd gone off me.
Don't be daft.
And you promise me, Harley Lawson, you had nothing to do with it? On my life.
It were that Milligan did the real damage, I swear.
And the club just covered it up? - It's disgusting.
- They think she just made it up to get a payoff.
She's gotta take some of the blame though, Har.
Letting them take turns like that.
And you've never got pissed and done something stupid? She's not a dumb slag, Shan, she's dead nice.
Yeah, right.
Don't overdo it.
See you later, yeah? Oh, hiya, Tan.
It's me, Shannon.
Can I have a word with your Katie, please? Bond Street, please.
Let's go, lads.
So who's this week's lucky lady? Between birds at the minute, mate.
I'm taking some time out.
I suppose you share a different tart every week with your mates.
- Not me.
I'm a happily married man.
- Yeah.
Listen, Lawson, my family means the world to me.
I don't do affairs.
Spain was just a laugh, a bunk-up with the lads.
- You'll understand when you're a bit older.
- I hope not.
That little prick is beginning to piss me right off.
Milligan's on the overlap, pass it to Milligan.
Give it! Give it! - Lawson! - Lawson, pass the ball, you flipping lobster! - You got tunnel vision or something? - Get off my back, Milligan.
Next time leave your ego in the locker room.
- Oi! - Go on then, big man.
- What the bloody hell's going on here? - Ask him.
He's a tosser.
Well, he's our tosser.
And when you're on the pitch, you remember that.
You call me that again.
- Would you rather I called you a rapist? - Come on! That's bang out of order.
Take that back, son.
That girl in Spain, she weren't lying.
It were him.
- I'm gonna sue your arse for millions.
- Shut it.
I mean it, Boss.
This little twat-head hasn't heard the last of this.
Tell it to her indoors.
- What? - You're not gonna believe this.
Jesus.
I don't get what his grief is with Milligan.
I mean, why him? Search me, mate.
The only one not playing away was you.
Let's hope the boss has put a gag on him.
Anyway, listen I'm looking for a good bloke on my son's team for the christening.
- Wondered if you'd be his godfather? - Me? You'd be my first choice, if you'd do us the honour.
- Um yeah! - Great.
I'm made-up, man.
Wait till Bethany hears this.
I'm not denying I did the deed but she was well up for it.
I saw him go in and her come out in a right state.
I mean, what do you want? Video evidence? Look, Lawson, according to the girl herself, there was a bus queue outside her bedroom that night.
Yeah, a mile long.
But until one of them confesses, which given past form ain't bloody likely, there ain't a shred of evidence for what you're saying, got that? Lawson, have you got that? - That's it, I'm seeing my lawyer.
- Yeah? It's slander.
So you're gonna ask a jury to award you damages for what? - You're squeaky-clean reputation? - Yeah.
Get real.
If I was prosecuting counsel, I'd have your dick on a stick.
You can wipe that silly grin off your face.
You're supposed to be concentrating on winning games and you don't win games if you're at war with your team-mates.
If I'm the problem, I'll put in for a transfer.
- Don't get cocky.
- I've had enough of this.
Go and have a cold shower.
Me and Webbsie need to talk.
Look, I'm really sorry about this, Miss Bailey, Boss.
It's just It's got me right here.
My own team-mate accusing me of Look, you know how much winning a European medal means to me.
I wouldn't do anything to Got a hanky? I'm filling up here.
The door is just behind you.
No choice, H.
Lawson's worth a dozen Milligans.
Do you tell him or do I? Oi! What was all that bullshit back there? - Lawson - I just told the truth, all right? Harley, listen to what I've got to say, mate.
I'm not your mate.
In Spain, I was out of order.
I made a big mistake sleeping with that girl, we all did.
But it was no more than that.
I swear on my kid's life, I could never take a lady without her permission.
- I was there, Harley, you weren't.
- I don't care what you say.
Okay, I'll prove it to you.
I'm gonna hire a private detective.
It must be easy enough tracking down that girl Barbarella.
I don't care how much money I spend or how long it takes, but you can be there when I look her in the eye and ask, "Did I rape you?" 'Cause she's gonna say no.
- Maybe I shouldn't have said for certain then.
- My reputation's at stake here.
Look, you're right.
I can't prove anything.
If you're gonna call a bloke a rapist, then you bloody should be able to prove it.
- I'm sorry, all right.
- Good! You should let the boss and Hazel Bailey know you're sorry.
You told him, mate.
Thought you might like to see my penthouse suite.
Yeah, sure.
- Did you check out nurse Dunkley? - Yeah.
Apparently, she never lived at the address that Tanya gave me.
Eh? Funny, isn't it? Maybe she didn't want anyone to find her.
And why would that be? - Back together, Conrad? - Sod off.
Where's Tanya? Tanya's at our home and we're still madly in love.
- lf you don't spell it out to them - It's all right, Con.
I'm just glad I'll be around to help when you find out what she really is.
Thanks for coming.
It's nice to be invited.
I don't get away from Tanya's house much.
We never got a chance to chat at Jackie and Roger's do.
No.
Listen, I don't want to muck you about.
Harley's told me everything.
About what happened to you in Spain.
- Well, it wasn't his secret to tell.
- I'm his wife.
We don't have any secrets.
Don't worry, I won't say anything.
I know you've been having a terrible time.
You can't even begin to know how terrible.
Yeah, well, all I wanted to say was, well - lf you need someone to talk to - You must think I'm a total slag.
I deserved it.
No, I don't.
I've been off me face more than once, believe me.
I didn't know what I'd done the next day.
I just feel like a different person to the one who walked inside that villa.
Yeah, well, Harley knows who done it.
Bruno Milligan.
For definite.
- Jesus.
Has he admitted it? - As if! You should phone the police.
- No.
No, I don't want to.
- Well, if you're scared, then I'll do it for you.
I hope his knob drops off.
9-9 - I'd rather not, just for now.
- You're mad! He's a rapist.
Let's get him! Look, Shannon, I don't know how Harley can know it was Bruno Milligan, unless he was there himself, and I know he wasn't.
So let's just leave the police out of it.
- Yep, I'll take them.
- Don't you want to try on the other one? Why, is it different from this? - How do I look? - Fabulous.
Quick, before the store detectives catch me! Wow! Very nice.
- How much is it? - Two.
A week? A night? - Christ, Amber, it's a bit steep, isn't it? - But I love it.
- I'll have to have a word with Tanya.
- Excuse me, but I'm doing this for Tanya and you're quibbling about a few poxy grand here or there? Okay, but you'll need to find your own place as soon as possible.
I wanna see you settled.
- Do you know what this is, Conrad? - What? - I want Troy DNA tested.
- But you already had him tested.
That was to find out if you were the father.
What if Tanya isn't his mum? For Christ's sake, Amber.
I should've had you bloody sectioned.
Conrad, stop.
I'm sorry.
I'm just a stupid cow.
Really, I am.
- You've gotta let go, Amber.
- I know, but it's just so hard.
What's happened to you, it's the worst thing that could happen to anybody.
You've lost a child, I've lost a child.
Yeah, but you've got another one, haven't you? Troy.
- Don't resent him.
- Oh, of course I don't.
I love him, he's gorgeous.
- He's lovely, he's divine.
- He's a baby, yeah? That offer to be his godmother, is that still on the table? - Thanks for the support.
- Any time.
But don't hang about nailing that big shit.
The longer away from what happens, the less likely people believe you.
- Katie.
- I thought you were gonna go and play pool.
Yeah, I didn't feel like it, did I? What are you doing here? I invited her.
We've had a right good chat, haven't we, Katie? - Listen - It's okay.
I'm glad you told Shannon.
See? And I told her Bruno Milligan is the rapist.
- You what? - I tried to call the police.
- Shannon, I can't prove it were Bruno.
- But you said you're sure it was.
But that's different to having proof and that, isn't it? All right, keep your kegs on.
Katie stopped me.
The only thing that's gonna make a difference is a confession.
And there's no way the police are ever gonna get that.
Yeah, well, there's no way you're gonna get a confession neither.
They're all just, like, closing ranks.
If I had a frigging gun, I'd take that Bruno Milligan out meself.
Trust me, I'll get whoever's responsible.
Good on you, girl.
Yeah, I'll bet she does.
She's bleeding us dry, Con.
Yeah, all right.
I love you.
Oh, my God, get this.
Silly bitch Amber's only gone and picked herself a luxury penthouse suite.
Price tag, two pissing grand a night! Jesus.
- Relax, he can afford it.
- She's trying to get one over.
Yeah? Well, let her win something, for Christ's sake.
You got her man, her life, a baby.
Poor cow, she's all washed up.
Anyone would think you feel sorry for her.
Hazel, Tanya, this is Bethany, my new girlfriend.
Don't think I met the old one.
We met at Bethany's church.
Her father's a preacher.
Nice to meet you, Bethany.
They look great together, don't they, Hazel? - Made for each other.
- Thanks.
This way, sir.
Well, at least she'll keep him from sniffing round Conrad.
Don't bet on it, darling.
That ain't no match made in heaven.
- Stranger things have happened.
- Hmm.
Like you and Amber giving birth within a nanosecond of each other? Yeah, amazing that, wasn't it? (Door opening) Up here.
- Good day? - No.
Well, I certainly have.
Check this.
What do you think? You been shopping? You didn't really wanna make a prisoner of me, did you? - I said I'd buy you some new clothes.
- Don't start, Bruno.
Start what? You pay attention to me when I'm talking to you.
Start what? - Why don't you sleep it off? - Well, if I'll be sleeping, I'll be sleeping in front of a nice, big, roaring fire! Bruno, look, I'll get money from Dad to pay you back if that's what you want.
Don't you play your Daddy's-girl games with me.
You trying to humiliate me? Give me them back, Bruno! Give me my clothes.
Proud of yourself, eh? Eh? - That's the last time, Bruno.
- What are you saying? I warned you, no more.
I didn't hit you, did I? Huh? Did I hit you? That was a shove.
Did I hit you? There's just so many insults I can take in a day.
It's all right, sweetheart, it's all right.
- Hold your nose, here comes a big smell.
- Leave it out, will you, Shannon? - Yeah, well, I know who it's coming off.
- You don't know owt about it.
Boss, Lawson spoke to you, I presume.
- Yeah, good job and all.
- Yeah, he made a public apology to the lads.
- So I'm letting it go.
- You better, Milligan.
'Cause any hint of a scandal round this club, the first cock on the block's yours, mate.
Stay out of Hazel's way, will you? She ain't exactly your biggest fan at the moment.
I know childbirth does funny things to the brain but yours must've gone into total meltdown.
Even I'd make a better godmother for your kid than Amber.
Yeah, but like you say, you don't have to be a saint to feel sorry for the poor cow.
And maybe having a stake in Troy will be some kind of therapy for her.
I wouldn't trust that mad bint to change my cat's litter tray.
Well, the vicar's ready for us.
Honestly, Tanya, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you and Con including me in today.
I know it's a big leap of faith but I promise you, when I say my piece, that'll be me making a lifelong commitment to looking after Troy.
Forgive and forget, sweetheart, that's my motto.
Typical loopy Lu.
I tripped over my own handbag and just went flop on the floor.
- That old trick, eh? - I'm safer walking on all fours, me.
Especially after a night out with you girls.
- What, you did that after my birthday party? - Yeah.
I had no idea I was so over my limit.
Nervous? Yeah.
But not as nervous as I was at my own baptism though.
- Best thing that ever happened to me.
- You wouldn't have met me otherwise.
- We've got your dad to thank for that.
- He says to say thanks, again.
That was the biggest cheque he's ever seen in his life.
After what he's done for me? - Is it okay if I sit here? - Yeah, sure, go ahead.
- I'm the nanny.
- Don't suppose I need to introduce myself.
No.
Between you and me, I'd rather be messing about on my boat, day like today.
On behalf of Conrad and Tanya, I'd like to welcome everyone.
We're gathered here today to celebrate the life of Troy and to give thanks for the life of his little brother Pundarik, who sadly was taken from us all too soon.
Pundarik is now safe in the arms of Jesus and we ask today that Troy may have God's blessing.
Amber and Noah, you have been chosen to be Troy's godparents.
Will you promise to take him as your spiritual child to nurture and protect, to love and strengthen, and keep him from harm's way - and guide him in goodness? - I will.
VICAR: Amber? No.
No, I can't promise him that.
I can only promise that I'll love him as my own child because I'm his real mother.
Poor dead little Ricky.
He wasn't even my baby, he was Tanya's.
- Jesus, she's flipped.
- She switched them at birth.
She thought she could fool me.
But I know how she did it now, from the doctor who did the postmortem, fake tan.
No! Amber.
Look, you're all right, darling.
You're amongst friends.
I've got the proof.
It says in black and white, that Ricky died wearing fake tan! - Give me that.
- It's the truth! - Oh, for Christ's sake.
- She coloured her baby to make him look like me.
Go easy on her, Conrad, remember she's not well.
Well, folks what the press don't know, I trust we'll be sure not to tell them.
And that goes for you, too, Rev, if you still wanna receive that generous donation.
- So much for gratitude, eh? - This bloody proves she's a bloody nutter.
You telling me.
I trusted you, Tanya trusted you, and you chuck it in our faces in front of all our friends.
Well, I'm sorry, Conrad, but it's the only way I could get the truth out.
The truth is that you're off your trolley! And everyone out there knows it! The truth is in that report! Why don't you believe it? Believe what? All this says is Ricky had some sun cream on him when he died! All the rest is your warped interpretation! - I'm right! I know it, I'm right! - I'm not arguing with you, Amber.
Just pack the rest of your bags and piss off to your penthouse.
I can't stand the sight of you for one more minute.
- Can I help? - Yeah, find her suitcases.
You believe me, don't you, Jackie? It's true, every word! She smeared fake tan all over her baby and then she gave him to me.
It was her poor son that was squashed to death by Krishna, not mine.
Come on, love, I think you just need to calm down.
But all I want is my baby back.
Right, ladies and gents, let's look like we're celebrating something.
'Cause there's a pack of press hounds out front waiting to pounce if we don't.
Well, come on.
Let's get on with it.
Listen, Conrad, I think we better organise a car for Amber.
She shrugged me off about helping pack her bags but I don't think she's in a fit state to drive.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Amber.
Amber, I'll get you a cab.
Amber! - What's she taking the bloody ice bucket for? - I have to go after her.
No, you don't.
She's not right, is she? As if she hadn't done enough to spoil our day, she has to go and give the bloody press a story.
- There better not be a bloody story, doll.
- Excuse me? No, not even you.
Next she'll accuse me of shagging her frigging bulldog.
So, how long's yous two been married, then? - Eight years, is it? - Seems like 80.
Eight years, eh? And you've only got one kid.
- Don't you sleep in the same bed? - Shannon.
Hey, you, my sex life's just dandy, thank you very much.
And if I need a bit on the side, I just go down to the local pub and see what I can find.
I thought you left that to your fella.
- What's your wife on about, Lawson? - I'm on about that palaver in Spain.
See, me, maybe I'm old-fashioned but I couldn't get into bed with someone who done that.
We're going home.
I know you're a piss-head but I've told your husband already, anyone repeats those allegations is gonna get sued.
Oh, I'm not saying that you're a rapist or nothing.
A rapist? What's this? - We're out of here.
- No, no.
I wanna know what she means.
Just, all I'll say is, you were one of them - got involved with that girl.
- Are you gonna shut your wife up or will I? Touch one hair and I'll kill you.
Besides, she's only telling the truth, isn't she? - I told you to leave! - You don't tell me anything.
Thanks for stepping in, Har.
Reckon he'd have biffed me one? Looked like it.
Ask me, any man that hits a woman is capable of anything.
God, I'm getting sick of this.
Hey, do you fancy a trip to the marina? - Leave her be.
- I'm asking Katie.
Great.
Yeah, I'd love to see your boat.
We could get to know each other.
I want a divorce.
Thanks.
We'll be sending our prayers to little Troy until he gets baptised.
Amen.
- It's still so early.
- Yeah.
- My dad won't be expecting me till midnight.
- Do you wanna go to a club? - No, it's not really my thing.
- Well, maybe a film.
Anything you wanna see? What I'd really like is to see where you live.
- lf I'm invited.
- Of course you're invited.
Amber, stop! - Stop.
What are you doing? - Get off me.
- For Christ's sake.
- You know I don't wanna do this, Conrad! You're forcing me to do this! You forced me! I can't lose you, can I, darling? I'll lose everything.
Please tell me what the hell you think you're doing here? This is Ricky's grave! You're digging up your own baby's grave! This isn't my baby's grave! Yes, it is, Amber! Pundarik Apollo Gates.
He's gone and you can't get him back! - I can.
Conrad, if you help me, I can! - Don't you think I wish I could? - But I can't, he's dead! - No, he's not! He's not! - He's not dead! - Christ's sake! Get off me! Get off me! - Get out of it, you're crazy! - This is her baby's grave, not mine! My baby's alive and in your house! If you won't get him DNA tested, then I'll get a sample off hers.
Oh, God, Amber, please don't do this.
Then help me, Conrad, please.
'Cause it's her that's the evil bitch, she's stolen my baby.
(Screaming) Look at me! If you won't give me this one last chance to prove the truth, then you can bury me here.
- It's beautiful.
- Yeah, it's 40 foot and it's got 6 berths and gold-plated taps.
- How fast does she go? - Very.
Hey, come on, let's go on board, drink some champagne.
- I really want to, do you? - Yeah, but what about your dad? - He's not gonna know anything, is he? - I want him to be able to trust me.
You're not forcing me, Noah.
I am my own person, remember? This is about what I want, not my dad.
But it's a sin against the Lord, isn't it, if we're not married? The bedroom's this way.
Oh, no more for me, thank you.
I'm not really very big on drinking these days.
Maybe later, eh? - You know, you're dead pretty without these.
- Oh, sorry.
I'm blind as a bat without them.
- You should get yourself some contact lenses.
- Why don't we lift the anchor up? We could go out along the river and when the sun sets we can look at the stars.
- It'd be dead romantic, that, wouldn't it? - It'll be fun.
It's just I usually have a crew on board.
What if we get into trouble? A modern cruiser like this, it's dead easy.
I don't know.
I really get dead bilious once we're out of the marina.
It's like a mill pond.
Look, Katie, why don't we just cosy on down here, yeah? No.
Darius, I really want to go, if that's all right with you.
Okay.
What the lady wants, the lady gets.
Just get in the bath and try and get some sleep, yeah? And you'll get me a sample by tomorrow? You have my word, Amber, as long as I have yours.
You'll stay away from Tanya and Troy till we get the results.
That's all I want, Conrad.
- lf they don't prove what you want? - Then I promise I'll stay away from you all forever.
So, what's it like being a Premiership footballer? Must have loads of women throwing themselves at you.
- Yeah, and the rest.
- Yeah? It must be hard to refuse.
Ah, well, a lot of blokes, you know, take advantage.
- Is that what happened out in Spain? - Nothing happened out in Spain.
Shannon doesn't seem to think so.
Shannon's no right gobbing off.
She weren't even there.
Were you? No.
- Didn't think you were the type.
- Look, footballers are just human.
If it's given to them on a plate, sure, they're gonna take it.
- Why are we talking about this for, anyway? - Feeling all right? Just a little ropey.
Kiss might help, though.
Yeah, maybe it's time we thought about heading back.
- Hey, this is what you wanted, right? - Yeah, but it's no fun if you're feeling sick.
You You ever been skinny dipping? What, don't you fancy me? I mean, we are gonna have it off, right? Look, I think it's time we got back.
I'm up early with Troy.
So? You'll be tired.
I think we should drop the anchor and finish off that bottle before we turn around.
Have our own little party, just the two of us.
- I'd really rather not.
- Come on.
The master bedroom's down below.
You can take your clothes off in the dressing room.
I just need a piss before the skipper goes into action.
The skipper.
(Whispering) You can't go until you've met the skipper.
- No, I don't want to.
- The skipper.
You can't go until you've met the skipper.
What? - The skipper.
- No! - The skipper.
- No! No! LUCY: All right, sweetheart, now you try reading it on your own, okay? - Mummy? - Yes, darling? - Are you and Daddy happy? - Of course we are.
We're a happy family, aren't we? - Please, let me explain.
- I'm not arguing with you, Bruno.
- She's heard far too much of that already.
- Divorcing me isn't gonna help her, is it? Well, it'll help me.
I love my daughter.
I love you, Lucy.
Don't leave me over just one slip-up.
It's more than that.
I know what I've done and I'm ashamed.
But I swear to you on my life I'd never do that.
Not rape.
No way.
I wish I couldn't even think you'd do it, Bruno.
I wish nobody could think that about my husband.
But it's obviously not hard to believe about you, is it? Lucy you're the only thing that matters to me.
Just tell me what to do to make it up to you, please.
Let me at least try.
If I do stay, there's gonna be changes around here, on my terms.
Anything.
Just say.
No more pushing and shoving and hitting, pressure or not.
I want help around the house.
- It's done.
- I want my own income in my own bank account.
- To spend however I like.
- Fine.
And I want a paid job in your club.
Oh, Jesus, Conrad, you scared me.
Shh! I thought it was Amber.
I thought she'd come back to steal Troy.
Forget Amber now.
She's gone.
She's never coming back again.
I promise you.
She's history and she knows it.
What I wanna do now is christen my son and marry his mother.
If she'll say yes.
DARIUS: Shit! Jesus Christ.
Katie! Come on, this isn't bloody funny! Conrad, I don't think I've ever been as happy in my whole life.
I'm gonna keep you happy forever.
Amber's only got herself to blame.
She's lost everything.
(Giggles) Don't do it, Katie.
It's not worth it.
It is to me.
Tell me, what is it?