Get Smart (1965) s04e03 Episode Script

Well, we've almost made it.
I just checked with the stewardess and we should be landing in approximately Don't worry, Busby.
You're in good hands.
Except for one thing-- you're not Busby.
He doesn't even look like Busby.
- Busby? - 86.
is to protect me, not go gallivanting around the plane.
Let's not forget that the last four couriers on this run have disappeared in midair without a trace.
Don't worry, Busby, I'll get you and the information safely to Cape Kennedy.
Listen, 86, why don't you carry the attache case and I'll protect you? Is something bothering you, Busby? Yes, something's bothering me-- I could get killed, and I've got a wife and a family.
Come on, 86, let's trade places.
After all, what have you got to lose? You're single.
But I'm engaged.
Haven't you heard, Busby? 99 and I are getting married.
I didn't know that.
I hope you'll be very happy.
She's a lovely girl and a wonderful spy.
- Yes, she is, isn't she? - How long have you known her, 86? Oh, I've known 99 since she was 24.
I thought Huffiger was 24.
Your plane will be landing in just a few moments, sir.
- May I take your cup? - Oh, I'll get that.
( gasps ) Oh! I-- I'm so sorry, sir.
Please forgive me.
Yes, forgive her, Busby.
- It wasn't her fault.
- He forgives you.
May I get something to clean off your suit, sir? Don't bother.
I'll do it myself in the restroom.
Hold it a second, Busby.
I'd better go with you, make sure you're all right.
We can't be too careful, you know.
( door locks ) I'll stand guard outside here.
( bell dings ) Hurry it up, Busby.
The fasten-your-seat-belt sign just went on.
( door unlocks ) Busby? Busby! - Oh, Miss.
- Yes, may I help you? I seem to have lost something.
Well, if you describe it to me, maybe I can help you find it.
Yes, well, it was a black attaché case about-- oh-- so big.
Morocco leather, beautiful case, and let's see oh yes, there was a man attached to it.
( theme music playing ) I don't understand it.
I just don't understand it! I sent you on a special mission to protect Busby and an attaché case crammed with top secret information and all we've got to show for your work is this flight bag! You're lucky you got that, Chief.
I had to fight an old lady at the baggage counter for it.
- She said it was hers.
- It was hers, Max, unless there's something about Busby we don't know about! Well, how could five couriers disappear into thin air? Particularly Busby.
He was being guarded by one of our own agents! What is it with you lately, Max?! To tell you the truth, I've had a lot on my mind lately.
- Such as? - Such as-- well, such as 99 and I, we've been working a lot together lately and over the years we've spent a lot of time together, and well-- well, you see, Chief, I've come to think of 99 as something more than just another pretty spy.
You see, sir-- well, sir, what I'm trying to say, sir, is-- What he's trying to say, sir, is that he's asked me to become Mrs.
86.
That's what I was trying to say, sir.
Well, that's delightful news.
- When did it happen? - A few days ago.
It's just delightful.
I can't tell you how exciting that is to me! - I couldn't be more pleased! - Then you approve? No.
Well, it's not that I don't personally approve, but you know how CONTROL feels about agents marrying each other.
I know, Chief, but she's a girl.
We'll discuss this later, Max.
We have a much more pressing problem at hand.
These disappearances have all the earmarks of a KAOS plot, a devious way of throwing a monkey wrench into our missile and space programs.
That makes five top couriers who have disappeared and it's got to stop.
- It's going to, Chief.
- How can you be sure? Everyone's transferred out of the courier department.
I wondered why no one volunteered for this run.
How about me, Chief? I mean, I really feel that I'm the right man for the job.
After all, I was on that flight with Busby.
I feel I owe it to him.
Now that you mention it, Max, you'd be the perfect man for the job.
You were on that flight with Busby and you'd be able to detect a pattern if there was one.
I get it, Chief.
You want me to find out how they're doing it.
No, I think the key to this is to find out who is doing it.
Oh, right.
If I find out how they're doing it, then I will know who is doing it.
- Why? - Hmm? - Why? - Uh, yes.
Why, Chief? Why what? Why, if I find out how they're doing it, - will I know who is doing it? - Because if you find out who is doing it and how they're doing it, it stands to reason you'll find out why they're doing it.
That's why.
When? You can go now, Max.
Oh, Max and 99, I'd like to give you permission to be married, but the department has a very good reason for being against marriages.
They can cause all sorts of problems for agents.
- Like what? - When two agents get married, it's bound to affect their performances.
They begin to think more about personal matters rather than their work.
Chief, that's ridiculous! You know that Max and I are agents first, last and always.
That's right, Chief.
We'll never let any personal matters stand in the way of the security of our nation.
Well, I'll see what I can do.
Remember, Max, you're to start on your assignment immediately.
Aw gee, Chief, do we have to start tonight? We wanted to go out and look for furniture.
Chief: See this man coming now? Max: No.
No wonder.
You've got your drapes drawn.
- Now do you see him? - Yes.
Chief: You'll notice he's wearing a parachute.
Max: I hope he's not the pilot.
Max, he's a parachute salesman.
His name is Tolliver.
We've checked the passenger manifest and he's one of three people who've been onboard every flight on which we've lost a courier.
Well, then that's it, Chief.
He's our man! Don't you see? He lured Busby into the restroom, murdered him, then put a parachute on him and threw him out that little window.
Max, how can you throw a man Busby's size through that little window? Well, I didn't say it was easy.
Here's the second suspect now.
Dr.
Hugo Von Shickel.
Von Shickel was one of Germany's top scientists who came over to our side after the war.
Well, who does he work for, the army or the air force? The Whizz-Bang Toy Company.
Well, that sounds innocent enough.
Oh, you think so? Then how come our toy stores are selling some of our best weapons before we get a chance to test them? Yes, but they wouldn't go so far as to kill to get our plans.
Don't underestimate them.
You'd be surprised at how many lives were lost over the Hula-Hoop.
Here's suspect number three.
- Max: That's amazing.
- What's amazing? How quickly they get them up and around after brain surgery.
Max, that's Shandar the Great, the famous magician, illusionist and escape artist.
Well, then that's it, Chief! He's the guy that we're after! I've seen his act! He's a terrific magician! He can make people disappear just like that! That's what happened to those couriers! Max, Shandar deals in illusion.
He can't really make people disappear.
Oh really? Tell that to Busby.
Man over P.
A.
: Last call for passengers departing on flight 276 for Miami.
- Please board at gate 7.
- All right, Max, get going.
Remember, keep those three under close surveillance.
Right, Chief.
Don't worry.
I'll get this information through.
Oh, don't worry about that, it's empty.
That's just in case you don't make it, we haven't lost anything of value.
- Are you all right, sir? - Oh yes, I'm fine, thank you.
I'm just a little nervous about flying.
You see, I've always felt that if the Lord had meant us to fly, - he'd have given us wings.
- That's a very profound thought.
Yes, well, it's not really my thought.
I heard the pilot say that just before we took off.
Um, may I put this away for you? - Thank you-- oh! - Oh, I'm so sorry.
Did I hurt you? - No no, that's quite all right, Miss - Miss Cleveland.
Miss Cleveland? Oh yes, you came in second in the Miss America contest.
No, my name is Barbara Cleveland.
Oh.
Haven't we met somewhere before, Miss Cleveland? - No, I don't think so.
- Oh.
That's funny.
I never forget a face.
Well, if there's anything I can do for you, please call.
- Here's your coffee, sir.
- I didn't order any coffee.
- Take the coffee, Max.
- 99! - What are you doing here? - I'm backing you up on this assignment.
Would you like something from our pastry tray? Uh, yes, the cheese danish looks very good.
Uh, I think you'd be happier with a donut.
But I don't want a donut, I want a cheese danish.
Take the donut, Max! It's a two-way radio! I think I'm being watched and it's the only way we can communicate.
You talk into the coffee and you listen to the donut.
Why can't I listen on the cheese danish? Max? taken this assignment.
- Why not? - Because we shouldn't be on the same mission together.
What if anything happened? What would happen to our children? Max, we don't have any children.
That's just it.
Those kids'll never grow up to know their parents.
Max, this is no time for jokes.
Now listen carefully.
Max, the three suspects-- I put one in the seat behind you, one in the seat in front of you and one right across the aisle.
In other words, you've got me surrounded.
Wait a minute.
One of them may be making his move.
He just threw away a pack of matches.
Maybe it's a message.
"Hotel Excelsior.
Urgent.
Meet me in the lounge right away.
" Hmm.
That's not going to do me any good now.
Why not? Because the Hotel Excelsior is in Chicago.
Max, I think he means the lounge right here in the plane.
Pardon me, sir.
May I have your donut? - Why? - Mine isn't working.
Tolliver.
Tolliver.
Here, pretend you're reading this.
First of all, my name isn't Tolliver and I'm not a parachute salesman.
I'm a double agent working for both sides and I can tell you who's behind the disappearances of the CONTROL couriers.
These disappearances are the work of-- wait a minute.
I want to finish reading this.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
I've heard every word you've said.
- I just don't believe you.
- Why not? Because if you really were a double agent and you knew who was responsible for all these disappearances, you wouldn't be sitting here telling me about it.
You would be dead.
That's why I don't believe you.
- I just don't believe you.
- ( choking ) Now I believe you.
- Max, what happened? - He's been drugged.
- How do you know? - Because of something he said to me - just before he passed out.
- What was that? - "I've been drugged.
" - Max, look.
This cork! Maybe that was the stopper on the vial that held the drug.
If that's so, whoever drugged Tolliver might still have the vial on him.
Well, then it would have to be Dr.
Von Shickel or Shandar the Magician.
They're the only two suspects left.
- We'll have to search them.
- How? I could put some knockout drops in their coffee, and then, after they're unconscious, we could search them.
Mmm, that's a good idea, but first let's get Tolliver into one of the restrooms.
I don't want anybody to find out about this just yet.
Right.
- Open the door, 99.
- It's occupied, Max.
Hurry up! This is an emergency! ( man yells ) What do you think this is? That one's vacant, Max.
Is that your hand in my pocket? Uh, well, why don't we look and find out? Yes, that's my hand.
Well, why did you remove it? Did I say something to offend you? Look, Dr.
Von Shickel, I just want to know one thing.
- Mmm? - What is this? That is a gun I designed for children who do not like to wash their face! - How does it work? - Here, I'll show you.
Pull the trigger.
- What did you find out, Max? - Well, I searched Von Shickel and he didn't have the vial on him, so it must be Shandar the Magician.
No, I searched Shandar myself, and he doesn't have it either.
Well, it has to be one of them, 99, - and I say it's Shandar the Magician.
- And I say it can't be.
But we can't eliminate both of them.
We won't have any suspects left! Here's your coffee, Mr.
Smart.
Thank you.
This is the 12th cup of coffee that girl has served me.
She almost as bad as the stewardess who gave all that coffee to Busby.
She's the same girl! Now wait a minute, 99.
That girl had blonde hair.
Max! She's wearing a wig! - You mean she's bald? - No, Max.
Don't you realize? You were right.
She was on the flight with Busby.
on something.
- ( cup shatters ) - Uh You check with the Chief.
Find out if she was a stewardess on any of the flights the missing couriers were on.
- What are you gonna do, Max? - I'm gonna check this restroom.
It's obvious she was trying to get Busby into this restroom the same way she's been trying to get me in.
Only this time I'm going to beat her to it! Unlock the door.
I thought we put Tolliver in here.
- Must've been the other restroom.
- No, Max, it was this one.
- But he's gone! - How could he be? Obviously the same way they got rid of Busby and the other couriers-- a sliding panel or something.
I've got to search this room.
Max, do you think you ought to go in there? After 12 cups of coffee, I have to.
Man over P.
A.
: Call for the Chief on the sandwich phone.
I'm glad you called, 99.
I was just going to call you.
I received permission for you and Max to get married.
Oh, Chief, that's wonderful news! I can't wait to tell Max! I'm having trouble hearing you.
No, I'm talking as loud as I dare.
Oh.
Well, hold on a moment.
All right, go ahead.
We think that the hostess is involved in this.
I'll check into it.
Can you hold on, 99? ( phone buzzes ) - Smart's in the restroom.
- Check.
- Smart's in the restroom.
- All right.
Bombs away.
how they're doing it.
Smart! Yes, Miss Cleveland, I'm alive, and you need a new roll of towels in the restroom.
Mr.
Smart, I have something for you.
Get in here.
Oh, I hope it's not more coffee.
Miss Cleveland, I think this proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are the KAOS agent we are looking for.
- She's not the only one, Max.
- Right, 99.
Miss Cleveland and Shandar the Magician.
- And the pilot.
- The pilot? Yes, well, that makes Miss Cleveland, the pilot and Shandar the Magician.
- And the copilot.
- The copilot.
Yes.
That makes Miss Cleveland, the pilot, the copilot and Shandar the magician.
Well, it seems you have us outnumbered, Miss Cleveland.
I think you'd better give up.
You seem to forget, Mr.
Smart, I'm holding your gun.
Not exactly, Miss Cleveland.
Pull the trigger.
- You're a fool.
- ( clicks ) - Good work, 99.
- Max, where did you get that gun? From Dr.
Von Shickel.
You keep her covered, 99.
I'm going to take care of the pilot and the copilot, and maybe Shandar the magician.
All right, stay right where you are.
I've got you covered.
- ( copilot grunts ) - ( bell dings ) ( bell dings ) ( bell dings ) ( bell dings ) ( bell dinging ) May I have your attention, please, for a moment? Everything is under control and there is absolutely nothing to worry about.
We will be landing in Miami in just a few moments.
However, there is one small problem.
Does anybody here know how to land a four-engine jet? ( theme music playing )