Girl Code (2013) s04e03 Episode Script
Sexual Pressure; Boredom; Convincing a Man to See a Taylor Swift Concert
1 Hey, America.
Don't adjust the color on your TV.
This is now "Black Girl Code.
" Yeah, this is happening.
I don't think we're rolling.
He said we were.
- There's no red dot.
- Oh.
Listen up, ladies.
It's "Girl Code.
" On this episode of "Girl Code," we're putting our imaginations to the test when we make an attempt at curing boredom.
Then what do you do in your off time may make you seem weird, but it's always cute to have a hobby.
Also, we assembled our loveliest ladies to lay down their own laws of the land on # AskGirlCode.
I pee standing up in the shower, I'm sorry, I know that's gross, but I love to pee in the shower.
Do you really? I love peeing in the shower.
I used to do that in middle school.
That's women's rights.
But first, if you've ever felt the need to quench a thirst trap, then there's a good chance you've felt sexual pressure.
Society places sexual pressure on women because it's all about billboards and advertisements and commercials and it's just like, oh, girls, show your tits if you want people to like you.
Like I feel like I see advertisements for like hemorrhoid cream and it's like, ooh, I'm gonna put this cream on my butthole 'cause I have hemorrhoids, and I'm like, "Why is this sexy?" Also, I feel like we're putting way too much pressure on women sexually at like a young age.
Like now girls are born and they're like, "Oh, what an adorable baby.
" She should probably go on a diet.
I mean, they have Hooters onesies, okay? Which is also what I look like in a Hooters shirt.
Social media has made being sexy and feeling sexual pressure like heightened through the roof, crazy town.
For me, I'll post like a picture up like, oh, I'm in the studio, check out my radio show.
It's like, no, show us your ass.
Uh, relax, my mom's on here.
Okay, when a girl puts up a sexy picture on social media, I think it's for her self-esteem when people like it.
The more likes she gets on that sexy picture, the better she feels.
So in theory, it is for her, but it's also for other people to see and like.
Because I mean, if you're following a girl who's constantly putting up half-naked pictures or constantly twerking, she's always posting these thirst traps, if that girl invites me over, guess what I expect that girl to do? Duh, have sex.
She might just think she looks really good, which is very confusing, it's like, what does this all mean? What does it mean? Does it mean you wanna bone or does it mean you just think you look cute? I don't know.
I don't know what to think.
I mean, the craziest thing guys have ever pressured me into doing, it's always butt stuff.
I don't want to do butt stuff, and it's not because I'm not a sexually adventurous person, I'm just allergic to a lot of foods.
I think a guy tried to see if I was open to do like the foursome, big orgy thing and I was like, "Hey, baby steps.
Like wouldn't you ask me for a threesome first?" You gotta get real creative for me to say no.
Like I'm trying to think of a circumstance where I've been like, ooh, that's a lot, and I can't think of one.
(bleep).
They be like trying to (bleep) it in your (bleep).
And then they try to be like sneaky about it, I'm like, "That's not something you can be sneaky with.
" You can't (bleep) (bleep) in an (bleep).
It don't work that way.
One of the big red flags for bad sexual pressure is if you say no to a guy and he has any follow-up whatsoever.
There's no questions.
There's no answers.
No is enough.
I know that firsthand because I was at a party in high school.
This guy tried to have sex with me, I said no, he said, "Well, if you don't have sex with me, I'm gonna go have sex with Stephanie," and I was like, "Then go have sex with Stephanie.
" Now they have like an 8-year-old gross baby.
Whatever it is, if you don't feel good about doing it, that means it's bad and it doesn't mean you're prude, it means that you're not there yet.
Believe me, you're gonna have tons of time to, you know (grunts) Tons.
I think the only way I have sex is by putting sexual pressure on a guy.
I hooked up with one guy and I walked up to him and I was like, "Hey, you wanna take me home and (bleep) me?" Me and that guy got in his Honda Fit, went to his house, did some stuff, don't remember what 'cause I was very drunk.
Girls, don't put too much pressure on a guy, 'cause if you put too much pressure on a guy, he's gonna premature ejaculate, 'cause he's gonna overprepare.
If you want to be yelling at a little noodle (bleep), you can go ahead and do that.
I've definitely pressured every single guy I've ever been with to let me peg him.
I mean, why not? It just seems so fun.
Like you have the guy's legs up here and you're like (grunts) I don't know why his legs are so thin and little.
More like, mmm, mmm.
I I feel like it's time.
You know, take our relationship to the next level.
Wait.
Don't worry.
I know it'd be your first time and that's why I brought you protection.
Protec What is this? It's a homemade T-shirt from T-Swizzle's "Red" tour.
T-Swizzle? - Are we talking about - Yes.
You and me going all the way.
Okay? To a Taylor Swift concert.
Hold on.
Things are moving too fast for me.
Baby, baby, I just want to be close to you.
And the best way to get close is cry-dancing together to "22.
" Oh, we could be close right here on the couch.
We'll cuddle and we'll watch the movie "Valentine's Day.
" She's in that.
I'm a girl, okay? And I have needs.
Needs that include waiting in line for five hours to see which midriff-baring shirt Tay-Tay's gonna wear during "Blank Space.
" Oh, you have a one-track mind.
All you can think about is listening to Taylor Swift.
Too much pressure.
You know It's new for me, too.
You're the first guy I've ever wanted to do this with.
Really? Wait a second.
Didn't you go and see her in Nashville with your high school boyfriend? That's when she was country.
We were just kids playing around, it meant nothing, ugh.
What are you doing? What is that? It's just a bootleg DVD from the last tour and I'm only gonna put in the tip, okay? Just the tip.
That's not how you even watch a DVD and I already told you.
I'm not ready to watch an entire Taylor Swift concert.
Whoa, whoa.
Your mouth is saying no, but baby, your hips are saying yes.
No, you do not speak for my hips.
Get out.
This is my apartment.
I'd like you to leave anyway.
I need some time alone.
Fine.
But if you do this, we are never, ever getting back together.
Is that a threat or are you just naming Taylor Swift songs? It's both.
You know it's both.
If you loved me, you would do this.
Alice, wait.
Fine.
I do love you.
I knew it.
Thank you.
You belong with me.
- Is that also a Taylor Swift - Yes, yeah.
After the concert, can we have sex? Blurg, no, thank you, wow.
Big-time no.
Moving a little fast, don't you think? Coming up, we're glued to the couch for the foreseeable future.
I'm the most boring person I know and I love it.
Really? I love my couch.
I love watching the same things on Netflix I've seen before over and over again.
I hate leaving my apartment.
Welcome back to "Girl Code.
" When it's just tick-tock and you don't stop, it's time to cure your boredom.
No, I'm not bored right now.
I'm shooting "Girl Code"! Nah! (chuckles) I'm not bored! I feel good! Until I go home alone.
I'm the most boring person I know and I love it.
Really? I love my couch.
I love watching the same things on Netflix I've seen before over and over again.
I hate leaving my apartment.
You have a nice apartment, though.
It's really cozy in there.
If a friend calls you boring, you gotta be like, "Which friend was it? Was it my idiot (bleep) friend that I don't really like?" In which case, you don't have a friend anymore.
If I'm being called boring by a cool person, I would reassess my whole life and go back to day one.
I would go back to being a baby and restart my whole life.
There was this kid in high school that used to always give me (bleep) and tell me my life was boring, and then on the weekends, he would race motorcycles.
Guess what? One day, Dave got hit by a (bleep) car and died.
Is that exciting, Dave? You're (bleep) dead.
That's pretty boring.
Being a corpse, pretty boring.
What? Girl code.
I feel like I get really like you get bored and you're like, "I'm gonna paint my walls red.
" And then literally, you regret it, you're like, "Why did I do this? The walls look great.
" When I'm bored, that normally means I'm horny, and when I'm horny, I join Grindr and then I'm talking to some 60-year-old guy who's telling me he's gonna be my daddy and then I start believing it, and then I'm like, "I need to get off Grindr.
I'm just bored right now.
" The most regrettable thing I've ever done due to boredom was that I was on a very long airplane ride and I masturbated in the bathroom because I was literally going insane.
It was one of those planes that didn't have televisions and there I was done reading all the magazines I could have brought, 'cause I had like four and I read them in the first hour, and then I was like, "All right, I'm just gonna resort to masturbating on this plane," and then I walked out and I was like, I am horrible.
I am so horrible, but then at least I was thinking about how I was horrible instead of how I was bored, so in the end, I mean, we all, we all really won from that situation.
If I'm feeling really bored and I want to just like break the cycle, I go and eat.
And then right after I eat, I'm bored.
Then I eat again, then I'm bored, then I eat again.
Maybe a Target trip always breaks that boredom.
You're like, "I know I need toothpaste," and everything else in this store.
Look on Pinterest.
Type in "DIY," and then you're never gonna do any of that stuff, but you spend a lot of time picking out the crafts that you would want to do if you were crafty.
If I'm super bored, my go-to is like I'm just gonna plaster makeup on my face and take a bunch of selfies and post them and act like I have something that I'm doing, but I'm really not, and then people will be like, "Oh, no, where you going?" And you're like, "To sleep.
Going to sleep, that's where I'm going.
" With all my makeup on, so I'll wake up tomorrow looking super zitty.
That would be exciting.
Then I have to work on my acne treatment.
I might be a boring person to be in a relationship with because I just want to eat, watch TV, sleep, and like, you know, touch pee-pees.
You want to sit here and do nothing? Yeah.
All right.
But we're gonna make it.
I don't want to be with someone who I'm just excited by all the time.
You'd die at 50 from a heart attack.
I need calm, slow beats.
That's how we live to 100.
If you see someone that's like healthy or in a healthy relationship, you're like, "That life's boring.
" That usually comes from a little jealousy, though, I think.
Um, I know that I'm in a stable relationship now that people give me (bleep) about and I'm like, "Yeah, it's so boring being loved and supported.
(chuckling) You (bleep) losers, enjoy getting day drunk, scumbags.
" Coming up, we get really creative when it comes to our hobbies.
Definitely filled up a tree grove near my house with little paper fairies and pretended they were real.
Is that a hobby? And then later on # AskGirlCode Everybody relax.
I thought that's where you pee out of.
No, it's not.
Carly.
No.
Carly By the way, if you're a girl who's doing a juice cleanse just so she can tell everybody it, stop it.
Nobody cares.
We know that you're not doing it for any nutritional reasons.
You're just doing it so you can annoy everybody and try and sound better than everybody else.
Guess what? I go on a juice cleanse, too, with cranberry juice when I have a UTI.
Girl code.
Welcome back to "Girl Code.
" If you enjoy doing something and it's not your job, there's a good chance you have a case of the hobbies.
A hobby is something that you do that puts you at peace.
Like you do it just for fun, you're not gonna make money.
You might not be even very good at it, but you do it because, I mean, the days are long, you know? The benefits of having a hobby are that you're keeping your brain stimulated.
You're keeping your heart happy.
And you usually have a lot of fun stuff to give people for Christmas when you're broke.
My hobbies are masturbating and eating.
I knit, but I try to make a scarf, but everything becomes circular, like a hemorrhoid pillow.
So I'll basically knit hemorrhoid pillows, if you need.
I don't, I don't.
I used to collect Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen magazine covers.
(chuckling) Uh, I had so many of them.
I don't think I have a hobby.
My friends keep telling me I need a hobby to balance out my life.
You know what, (bleep) my friends.
I don't know if this counts as a hobby, but definitely filled up a tree grove near my house with little paper fairies and pretended they were real.
Is that a hobby? There are things that girls will say are hobbies that are not a hobby.
I had a (bleep) girl tell me that gambling was a hobby.
Are you kidding me? Do you know what else she said? She said, "My hobby is gambling.
Can I borrow $5,000?" Bitch, you're in debt.
Debt is also not a hobby.
Dating is not a hobby.
Boyfriend is not a hobby and (bleep) is not a hobby, all right? Go play basketball, go knit, go take pictures, go do something.
Your boyfriend is not a hobby! You can't just watch Netflix all the time.
That is not a hobby.
That is my hobby.
No, it's not a hobby, because a hobby I'll watch alphabetically.
That's a hobby.
That is sad, you're going through Netflix alphabetically? I go from "Air Bud" all the way to "Zoolander.
" Anything you like doing is a hobby.
You like taking baths, that's a hobby.
You like, uh, washing dishes, that's a hobby.
I don't know, right? That's how it works.
Who's making up the hobby rules? Who's the hobby decider? Your hobbies get way, way more depressing the older you get.
I'm gonna go visit the jail.
I'll go, I'll volunteer at the soup kitchen.
I want to go to the park.
It's like, that's not a hobby.
It's just going out at the park.
Like at first, it might have been like jet skiing, and now it's like fly fishing, and you're just like, whoo-whah! And you just sit there.
(laughing) Like what can I do while sitting down? I feel like I'm gonna be an old lady crafter, and people are gonna be like, "Um, thanks for this cardboard animal that you made me.
I'll just keep that in the trash.
" I think as you get older, hobbies become more important.
Friends get married and people move away and you know, you're alone, and you know, that's why, that's why you have your yarns.
A hobby absolutely can become a career because I was very interested in comedy, that was my hobby for a long time and now I do it professionally, so that's probably the reason I don't have other hobbies, because my career is my hobby.
Look at the Kardashians.
When Kim had a bunch of idle time, when she was just organizing Paris Hilton's closets and she was sleeping with black men on the side, she was like, "Hey, why don't I record this?" You know what I'm saying? And turn this into a full-blown career.
She even went so far as to commit and marry a black guy.
Shout-out to Kanye West.
Once money is exchanged for a hobby, it stops being fun.
You have a deadline all of a sudden.
Like I love to draw, it's really fun, but if someone was like, I'm gonna pay you to make me a drawing once a week, I would (bleep) hate drawing.
I would break every pencil in my house.
Sucks.
Everybody used to just have hobbies for fun and now we've created Etsy, and like it's like now, it's like, can I make money off my hobby? And if you can't, then it's like, is it not a good hobby? No, it's for you.
Like just do your hobby for you.
Yeah, don't do hobbies for money, because your (bleep) sucks.
It's not even nice.
I wouldn't make my dog wear that jumpsuit.
Coming up, we keep the car running and barely keep it together.
After I left a Prius on for three hours.
(laughter) Nicole, we did a show, we were there for hours.
We come back, the car was still running.
If you see a cat in your apartment building and it seems to love you and you love it and then you let it into your apartment, is that stealing a cat? Asking for a friend.
(cat meows) Let's all take a minute to bow down to Jackie Mitchell, who was a female pitcher in Minor League baseball in the 1920s and she struck out Babe Ruth and then Lou Gehrig back to back in an exhibition game against the Yankees.
Right after that, the evil commissioner of baseball, Mountain Landis, declared women unfit to play baseball, forever.
Wisdom says that women can't play Major League baseball because they're not good enough, but actually, it's because they're too good.
She threw like a girl and scared the (bleep) out of everybody.
So I think we need to bow down.
Welcome back to "Girl Code.
" We all need a little guidance in our lives.
That's why we're here to talk it out on #AskGirlCode.
@laylaheard asks, "Can a girl pee standing up?" Yes.
I've tried it.
I tried it 'cause I have two older brother and I was like "Well, how do they do it?" I mean, it was hard.
You gotta straddle the toilet, though, otherwise, it's gonna go down your leg.
And if you have a sideways, uh Vagina? Clitoris? The clitoris doesn't affect your pee.
Everybody relax.
I thought that's where you pee out of.
No, it's not.
Carly.
No.
Carly here's your (bleep).
There's a pee hole and then there's your vagina.
I don't think that's true.
Where's the pee hole? It's in the (bleep).
It's not in the (bleep).
No, we cannot tell these people that's where it is.
No, it's inside of it.
No, there's just No! I pee standing up in the shower.
I'm sorry, I know that's gross, but I love to pee in the shower.
I pee in the shower, too.
Do you really? I love peeing in the shower.
That's women's rights.
That's women's rights.
Layla, I guess you can pee standing up.
You know, why not get some maybe a Little wet wipe.
I would say a little wet wipe.
I only wipe back to front.
Always back to front.
No, no, no No, you do front to back! Back to front, back to front is the best.
No, ew, no.
Then you go all the way up.
You're gonna get very sick.
So Sammi Tommo, who I'm sure is Italian, wants to know, "How do you determine a fake friend from a real friend?" Hmm.
I think the best way to determine a fake friend from a real friend is see who's there when you don't have all your stuff together.
When a friend finds you in the middle of the street, your wig fell off, you're just wearing a bra, that's your friend, if they help you home.
I got you, man.
And if they find your wig, that's your best friend.
That's your best friend.
Girl, here's your wig.
Yeah, Nicole took care of my hair earlier.
She's like, "Yo, I can't let you out here like that.
" Nessa put lotion on my leg.
I didn't want her out here ashy.
Aqua always hits me up when I'm on the radio and says, "Hey, good job, keep doing your thing.
You're too beautiful to let a guy break your heart.
" Nobody has said one example about how good of a friend I am.
Not one person has mentioned me.
Oh, oh, Carly.
Carly bought me a charger when we were on the road together 'cause I didn't have one.
Yep.
After I left a Prius on for three hours.
(laughter) Nicole, we did a We did a show, we were there for hours.
We come back, the car was still running.
Just didn't (bleep) care.
The lights were on in the front.
We didn't answer the question of how to find out if someone's a fake friend, but we did find out that we are all very good, very best friends.
Yes, we are.
No fake friends here.
No fakeness allowed.
No new friends either.
Don't adjust the color on your TV.
This is now "Black Girl Code.
" Yeah, this is happening.
I don't think we're rolling.
He said we were.
- There's no red dot.
- Oh.
Listen up, ladies.
It's "Girl Code.
" On this episode of "Girl Code," we're putting our imaginations to the test when we make an attempt at curing boredom.
Then what do you do in your off time may make you seem weird, but it's always cute to have a hobby.
Also, we assembled our loveliest ladies to lay down their own laws of the land on # AskGirlCode.
I pee standing up in the shower, I'm sorry, I know that's gross, but I love to pee in the shower.
Do you really? I love peeing in the shower.
I used to do that in middle school.
That's women's rights.
But first, if you've ever felt the need to quench a thirst trap, then there's a good chance you've felt sexual pressure.
Society places sexual pressure on women because it's all about billboards and advertisements and commercials and it's just like, oh, girls, show your tits if you want people to like you.
Like I feel like I see advertisements for like hemorrhoid cream and it's like, ooh, I'm gonna put this cream on my butthole 'cause I have hemorrhoids, and I'm like, "Why is this sexy?" Also, I feel like we're putting way too much pressure on women sexually at like a young age.
Like now girls are born and they're like, "Oh, what an adorable baby.
" She should probably go on a diet.
I mean, they have Hooters onesies, okay? Which is also what I look like in a Hooters shirt.
Social media has made being sexy and feeling sexual pressure like heightened through the roof, crazy town.
For me, I'll post like a picture up like, oh, I'm in the studio, check out my radio show.
It's like, no, show us your ass.
Uh, relax, my mom's on here.
Okay, when a girl puts up a sexy picture on social media, I think it's for her self-esteem when people like it.
The more likes she gets on that sexy picture, the better she feels.
So in theory, it is for her, but it's also for other people to see and like.
Because I mean, if you're following a girl who's constantly putting up half-naked pictures or constantly twerking, she's always posting these thirst traps, if that girl invites me over, guess what I expect that girl to do? Duh, have sex.
She might just think she looks really good, which is very confusing, it's like, what does this all mean? What does it mean? Does it mean you wanna bone or does it mean you just think you look cute? I don't know.
I don't know what to think.
I mean, the craziest thing guys have ever pressured me into doing, it's always butt stuff.
I don't want to do butt stuff, and it's not because I'm not a sexually adventurous person, I'm just allergic to a lot of foods.
I think a guy tried to see if I was open to do like the foursome, big orgy thing and I was like, "Hey, baby steps.
Like wouldn't you ask me for a threesome first?" You gotta get real creative for me to say no.
Like I'm trying to think of a circumstance where I've been like, ooh, that's a lot, and I can't think of one.
(bleep).
They be like trying to (bleep) it in your (bleep).
And then they try to be like sneaky about it, I'm like, "That's not something you can be sneaky with.
" You can't (bleep) (bleep) in an (bleep).
It don't work that way.
One of the big red flags for bad sexual pressure is if you say no to a guy and he has any follow-up whatsoever.
There's no questions.
There's no answers.
No is enough.
I know that firsthand because I was at a party in high school.
This guy tried to have sex with me, I said no, he said, "Well, if you don't have sex with me, I'm gonna go have sex with Stephanie," and I was like, "Then go have sex with Stephanie.
" Now they have like an 8-year-old gross baby.
Whatever it is, if you don't feel good about doing it, that means it's bad and it doesn't mean you're prude, it means that you're not there yet.
Believe me, you're gonna have tons of time to, you know (grunts) Tons.
I think the only way I have sex is by putting sexual pressure on a guy.
I hooked up with one guy and I walked up to him and I was like, "Hey, you wanna take me home and (bleep) me?" Me and that guy got in his Honda Fit, went to his house, did some stuff, don't remember what 'cause I was very drunk.
Girls, don't put too much pressure on a guy, 'cause if you put too much pressure on a guy, he's gonna premature ejaculate, 'cause he's gonna overprepare.
If you want to be yelling at a little noodle (bleep), you can go ahead and do that.
I've definitely pressured every single guy I've ever been with to let me peg him.
I mean, why not? It just seems so fun.
Like you have the guy's legs up here and you're like (grunts) I don't know why his legs are so thin and little.
More like, mmm, mmm.
I I feel like it's time.
You know, take our relationship to the next level.
Wait.
Don't worry.
I know it'd be your first time and that's why I brought you protection.
Protec What is this? It's a homemade T-shirt from T-Swizzle's "Red" tour.
T-Swizzle? - Are we talking about - Yes.
You and me going all the way.
Okay? To a Taylor Swift concert.
Hold on.
Things are moving too fast for me.
Baby, baby, I just want to be close to you.
And the best way to get close is cry-dancing together to "22.
" Oh, we could be close right here on the couch.
We'll cuddle and we'll watch the movie "Valentine's Day.
" She's in that.
I'm a girl, okay? And I have needs.
Needs that include waiting in line for five hours to see which midriff-baring shirt Tay-Tay's gonna wear during "Blank Space.
" Oh, you have a one-track mind.
All you can think about is listening to Taylor Swift.
Too much pressure.
You know It's new for me, too.
You're the first guy I've ever wanted to do this with.
Really? Wait a second.
Didn't you go and see her in Nashville with your high school boyfriend? That's when she was country.
We were just kids playing around, it meant nothing, ugh.
What are you doing? What is that? It's just a bootleg DVD from the last tour and I'm only gonna put in the tip, okay? Just the tip.
That's not how you even watch a DVD and I already told you.
I'm not ready to watch an entire Taylor Swift concert.
Whoa, whoa.
Your mouth is saying no, but baby, your hips are saying yes.
No, you do not speak for my hips.
Get out.
This is my apartment.
I'd like you to leave anyway.
I need some time alone.
Fine.
But if you do this, we are never, ever getting back together.
Is that a threat or are you just naming Taylor Swift songs? It's both.
You know it's both.
If you loved me, you would do this.
Alice, wait.
Fine.
I do love you.
I knew it.
Thank you.
You belong with me.
- Is that also a Taylor Swift - Yes, yeah.
After the concert, can we have sex? Blurg, no, thank you, wow.
Big-time no.
Moving a little fast, don't you think? Coming up, we're glued to the couch for the foreseeable future.
I'm the most boring person I know and I love it.
Really? I love my couch.
I love watching the same things on Netflix I've seen before over and over again.
I hate leaving my apartment.
Welcome back to "Girl Code.
" When it's just tick-tock and you don't stop, it's time to cure your boredom.
No, I'm not bored right now.
I'm shooting "Girl Code"! Nah! (chuckles) I'm not bored! I feel good! Until I go home alone.
I'm the most boring person I know and I love it.
Really? I love my couch.
I love watching the same things on Netflix I've seen before over and over again.
I hate leaving my apartment.
You have a nice apartment, though.
It's really cozy in there.
If a friend calls you boring, you gotta be like, "Which friend was it? Was it my idiot (bleep) friend that I don't really like?" In which case, you don't have a friend anymore.
If I'm being called boring by a cool person, I would reassess my whole life and go back to day one.
I would go back to being a baby and restart my whole life.
There was this kid in high school that used to always give me (bleep) and tell me my life was boring, and then on the weekends, he would race motorcycles.
Guess what? One day, Dave got hit by a (bleep) car and died.
Is that exciting, Dave? You're (bleep) dead.
That's pretty boring.
Being a corpse, pretty boring.
What? Girl code.
I feel like I get really like you get bored and you're like, "I'm gonna paint my walls red.
" And then literally, you regret it, you're like, "Why did I do this? The walls look great.
" When I'm bored, that normally means I'm horny, and when I'm horny, I join Grindr and then I'm talking to some 60-year-old guy who's telling me he's gonna be my daddy and then I start believing it, and then I'm like, "I need to get off Grindr.
I'm just bored right now.
" The most regrettable thing I've ever done due to boredom was that I was on a very long airplane ride and I masturbated in the bathroom because I was literally going insane.
It was one of those planes that didn't have televisions and there I was done reading all the magazines I could have brought, 'cause I had like four and I read them in the first hour, and then I was like, "All right, I'm just gonna resort to masturbating on this plane," and then I walked out and I was like, I am horrible.
I am so horrible, but then at least I was thinking about how I was horrible instead of how I was bored, so in the end, I mean, we all, we all really won from that situation.
If I'm feeling really bored and I want to just like break the cycle, I go and eat.
And then right after I eat, I'm bored.
Then I eat again, then I'm bored, then I eat again.
Maybe a Target trip always breaks that boredom.
You're like, "I know I need toothpaste," and everything else in this store.
Look on Pinterest.
Type in "DIY," and then you're never gonna do any of that stuff, but you spend a lot of time picking out the crafts that you would want to do if you were crafty.
If I'm super bored, my go-to is like I'm just gonna plaster makeup on my face and take a bunch of selfies and post them and act like I have something that I'm doing, but I'm really not, and then people will be like, "Oh, no, where you going?" And you're like, "To sleep.
Going to sleep, that's where I'm going.
" With all my makeup on, so I'll wake up tomorrow looking super zitty.
That would be exciting.
Then I have to work on my acne treatment.
I might be a boring person to be in a relationship with because I just want to eat, watch TV, sleep, and like, you know, touch pee-pees.
You want to sit here and do nothing? Yeah.
All right.
But we're gonna make it.
I don't want to be with someone who I'm just excited by all the time.
You'd die at 50 from a heart attack.
I need calm, slow beats.
That's how we live to 100.
If you see someone that's like healthy or in a healthy relationship, you're like, "That life's boring.
" That usually comes from a little jealousy, though, I think.
Um, I know that I'm in a stable relationship now that people give me (bleep) about and I'm like, "Yeah, it's so boring being loved and supported.
(chuckling) You (bleep) losers, enjoy getting day drunk, scumbags.
" Coming up, we get really creative when it comes to our hobbies.
Definitely filled up a tree grove near my house with little paper fairies and pretended they were real.
Is that a hobby? And then later on # AskGirlCode Everybody relax.
I thought that's where you pee out of.
No, it's not.
Carly.
No.
Carly By the way, if you're a girl who's doing a juice cleanse just so she can tell everybody it, stop it.
Nobody cares.
We know that you're not doing it for any nutritional reasons.
You're just doing it so you can annoy everybody and try and sound better than everybody else.
Guess what? I go on a juice cleanse, too, with cranberry juice when I have a UTI.
Girl code.
Welcome back to "Girl Code.
" If you enjoy doing something and it's not your job, there's a good chance you have a case of the hobbies.
A hobby is something that you do that puts you at peace.
Like you do it just for fun, you're not gonna make money.
You might not be even very good at it, but you do it because, I mean, the days are long, you know? The benefits of having a hobby are that you're keeping your brain stimulated.
You're keeping your heart happy.
And you usually have a lot of fun stuff to give people for Christmas when you're broke.
My hobbies are masturbating and eating.
I knit, but I try to make a scarf, but everything becomes circular, like a hemorrhoid pillow.
So I'll basically knit hemorrhoid pillows, if you need.
I don't, I don't.
I used to collect Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen magazine covers.
(chuckling) Uh, I had so many of them.
I don't think I have a hobby.
My friends keep telling me I need a hobby to balance out my life.
You know what, (bleep) my friends.
I don't know if this counts as a hobby, but definitely filled up a tree grove near my house with little paper fairies and pretended they were real.
Is that a hobby? There are things that girls will say are hobbies that are not a hobby.
I had a (bleep) girl tell me that gambling was a hobby.
Are you kidding me? Do you know what else she said? She said, "My hobby is gambling.
Can I borrow $5,000?" Bitch, you're in debt.
Debt is also not a hobby.
Dating is not a hobby.
Boyfriend is not a hobby and (bleep) is not a hobby, all right? Go play basketball, go knit, go take pictures, go do something.
Your boyfriend is not a hobby! You can't just watch Netflix all the time.
That is not a hobby.
That is my hobby.
No, it's not a hobby, because a hobby I'll watch alphabetically.
That's a hobby.
That is sad, you're going through Netflix alphabetically? I go from "Air Bud" all the way to "Zoolander.
" Anything you like doing is a hobby.
You like taking baths, that's a hobby.
You like, uh, washing dishes, that's a hobby.
I don't know, right? That's how it works.
Who's making up the hobby rules? Who's the hobby decider? Your hobbies get way, way more depressing the older you get.
I'm gonna go visit the jail.
I'll go, I'll volunteer at the soup kitchen.
I want to go to the park.
It's like, that's not a hobby.
It's just going out at the park.
Like at first, it might have been like jet skiing, and now it's like fly fishing, and you're just like, whoo-whah! And you just sit there.
(laughing) Like what can I do while sitting down? I feel like I'm gonna be an old lady crafter, and people are gonna be like, "Um, thanks for this cardboard animal that you made me.
I'll just keep that in the trash.
" I think as you get older, hobbies become more important.
Friends get married and people move away and you know, you're alone, and you know, that's why, that's why you have your yarns.
A hobby absolutely can become a career because I was very interested in comedy, that was my hobby for a long time and now I do it professionally, so that's probably the reason I don't have other hobbies, because my career is my hobby.
Look at the Kardashians.
When Kim had a bunch of idle time, when she was just organizing Paris Hilton's closets and she was sleeping with black men on the side, she was like, "Hey, why don't I record this?" You know what I'm saying? And turn this into a full-blown career.
She even went so far as to commit and marry a black guy.
Shout-out to Kanye West.
Once money is exchanged for a hobby, it stops being fun.
You have a deadline all of a sudden.
Like I love to draw, it's really fun, but if someone was like, I'm gonna pay you to make me a drawing once a week, I would (bleep) hate drawing.
I would break every pencil in my house.
Sucks.
Everybody used to just have hobbies for fun and now we've created Etsy, and like it's like now, it's like, can I make money off my hobby? And if you can't, then it's like, is it not a good hobby? No, it's for you.
Like just do your hobby for you.
Yeah, don't do hobbies for money, because your (bleep) sucks.
It's not even nice.
I wouldn't make my dog wear that jumpsuit.
Coming up, we keep the car running and barely keep it together.
After I left a Prius on for three hours.
(laughter) Nicole, we did a show, we were there for hours.
We come back, the car was still running.
If you see a cat in your apartment building and it seems to love you and you love it and then you let it into your apartment, is that stealing a cat? Asking for a friend.
(cat meows) Let's all take a minute to bow down to Jackie Mitchell, who was a female pitcher in Minor League baseball in the 1920s and she struck out Babe Ruth and then Lou Gehrig back to back in an exhibition game against the Yankees.
Right after that, the evil commissioner of baseball, Mountain Landis, declared women unfit to play baseball, forever.
Wisdom says that women can't play Major League baseball because they're not good enough, but actually, it's because they're too good.
She threw like a girl and scared the (bleep) out of everybody.
So I think we need to bow down.
Welcome back to "Girl Code.
" We all need a little guidance in our lives.
That's why we're here to talk it out on #AskGirlCode.
@laylaheard asks, "Can a girl pee standing up?" Yes.
I've tried it.
I tried it 'cause I have two older brother and I was like "Well, how do they do it?" I mean, it was hard.
You gotta straddle the toilet, though, otherwise, it's gonna go down your leg.
And if you have a sideways, uh Vagina? Clitoris? The clitoris doesn't affect your pee.
Everybody relax.
I thought that's where you pee out of.
No, it's not.
Carly.
No.
Carly here's your (bleep).
There's a pee hole and then there's your vagina.
I don't think that's true.
Where's the pee hole? It's in the (bleep).
It's not in the (bleep).
No, we cannot tell these people that's where it is.
No, it's inside of it.
No, there's just No! I pee standing up in the shower.
I'm sorry, I know that's gross, but I love to pee in the shower.
I pee in the shower, too.
Do you really? I love peeing in the shower.
That's women's rights.
That's women's rights.
Layla, I guess you can pee standing up.
You know, why not get some maybe a Little wet wipe.
I would say a little wet wipe.
I only wipe back to front.
Always back to front.
No, no, no No, you do front to back! Back to front, back to front is the best.
No, ew, no.
Then you go all the way up.
You're gonna get very sick.
So Sammi Tommo, who I'm sure is Italian, wants to know, "How do you determine a fake friend from a real friend?" Hmm.
I think the best way to determine a fake friend from a real friend is see who's there when you don't have all your stuff together.
When a friend finds you in the middle of the street, your wig fell off, you're just wearing a bra, that's your friend, if they help you home.
I got you, man.
And if they find your wig, that's your best friend.
That's your best friend.
Girl, here's your wig.
Yeah, Nicole took care of my hair earlier.
She's like, "Yo, I can't let you out here like that.
" Nessa put lotion on my leg.
I didn't want her out here ashy.
Aqua always hits me up when I'm on the radio and says, "Hey, good job, keep doing your thing.
You're too beautiful to let a guy break your heart.
" Nobody has said one example about how good of a friend I am.
Not one person has mentioned me.
Oh, oh, Carly.
Carly bought me a charger when we were on the road together 'cause I didn't have one.
Yep.
After I left a Prius on for three hours.
(laughter) Nicole, we did a We did a show, we were there for hours.
We come back, the car was still running.
Just didn't (bleep) care.
The lights were on in the front.
We didn't answer the question of how to find out if someone's a fake friend, but we did find out that we are all very good, very best friends.
Yes, we are.
No fake friends here.
No fakeness allowed.
No new friends either.