Greek s04e03 Episode Script

Previously on Greek So how is the real world? - Oh.
- Tell rusty I'm using my not-rape taxi whistle.
- Talk to you later, bye.
- Your lsat score was higher than mine.
- So was my gpa.
- Careful, Cartwright.
I've been accepted into cru law.
- I'm ready to kick your ass in law school.
- Bring it.
And me, too.
- What do you want? - I want you to want more for yourself.
Because you deserve it for you, not just for me.
- I don't remember him from photos.
- Me neither, but he's a legacy.
- Welcome to kt.
- New pledge spidey! Maybe you should try being one of the guys.
What about joining a fraternity? Which one of you little maniacs wants to bid me first? - Dale, what are you doing here? - Picking the number one house.
- Congratulations.
- I cannot wait to see how rusty takes this news.
- Oh, hey, the roommate returneth.
- Hey.
With youeth.
Yeah.
We've been at Dana's.
Her roommate was out of town for the weekend.
Yeah.
So we started re-watching lost from the beginning to count the number of questions that they never answered.
Then we started pretending we were lost, and couldn't get off the island of her bed.
Classes start tomorrow.
How've you been? Oh, yeah.
Upper division, baby! You know, we haven't had a chance to talk since rush, but I'm sorry kt didn't work out.
We can only take legacies because of the Jack-ass Omega chis.
That's a little harsh.
How do you know another fraternity didn't go after me? We should do something to cheer you up.
Something crazy.
Ooh! We could have a dinner party! - A dinner party? - A murder mystery dinner party! And I'll cook.
It'll be tofu, couscous and murder! - Sure.
It'll be killer fun.
- Yeah! I'm actually gonna be, uh, pretty busy.
- Why are you wearing an Omega chi pledge pin? - I'm pledging Omega chi! - Omega who? - Let's go, plebe! You got more Mayo-ritos to finish! What do you say?! Thank you, sir, may I have another? - Sorry about the door, Rus.
- Yeah.
Don't What are you doing up? Can't sleep.
I miss summer.
And Evan.
Well, I appreciate you respecting the "no boys upstairs" rule.
Oh, sure.
And he wanted to get a good night's sleep before his first day of law school.
Torts and civil procedures tomorrow.
I'm re-reading the first 20 chapters.
Seriously, it is so much material.
It makes me wonder if it would have been this bad at GW.
- Well, I'm glad you're here.
- Really? 'Cause this is the last of the Cheesaritos, and it's your job as house mom to go get more.
- That's why we let you stay here for free.
- It is on my list.
Right after I learn what habeas corpus means.
- Night.
- Night.
Come on, it is a four-digit code.
How did we survive without a house mom for so? Rebecca! Rebecca! I have a fire pokey-thing! - Casey? - Burglar? Ashleigh! Oh, my God! You changed the keypad code! - What are you doing here? - Ashleigh! - Is this your first grown-up vacay? - Yeah.
Well, kind of.
Well, it's more of a permanent vacay 'cause I got fired.
From your dream job? I'm so sorry.
And I'm so not done hugging you.
Another one's back.
Come on in, sis.
- We stayed up too late, didn't we? - No way.
I haven't seen you in months.
And I still think what faith did sucks.
Those hours, all that running around, and then she fires you? You were unpaid! I know! I'm so glad to be back here with you, and all my friends, and free food.
Well, it's not exactly free.
Whatever.
You're such a house mom.
- How's that going? - Um so far, so good.
It bought a lot of goodwill with my parents, who were less than thrilled with my game of musical law schools.
Oh, what did your parents say? Oh, they said I could always move back home.
And pay rent.
And work in my dad's accounting firm.
That'd just be New York with math.
- So you're definitely not going back to New York? - I'm not sure.
- How long are you staying? - Calm down, the closer.
I have no idea what I'm going to do.
I had this great plan and now I don't, so I'm kinda freaking out.
So for now, I plan to eat this toast and take a shower and have no regrets about quitting.
- I thought you said you were fired.
- Yeah.
Well, it was mutual.
You know, creative differences.
What time does your class start? - Oh, crap.
Have I got to go.
- Wait! Hold on! - I made you lunch.
- Aw! Ten tater chips, four slices of Turkey and a cookie the size of my head.
- You're welcome.
- Well, I'm glad you're back.
- For however long you're here.
- Me, too.
- So are you ready for your first day of law school? - Ready as I'll ever be.
What? - Spidey? - I reported for pledge duties, but, uh, the brothers were unresponsive.
Wow.
I'm off to class.
Cap? It's, like, 9:30.
Am.
In the morning.
Yeah.
I'm trying this semester, remember? That's great, but we have an emergency.
Dale's pledging Omega chi.
Really? You know, if I think about it, Dale's always had a proclivity to joining cult-like institutions.
Listen to me.
"Proclivity.
" I'm not even in class yet.
- We hate the Omega chis, right? - Hey, pledge spidey, could you tidy up a little bit while cappie and I talk? - I think they gave Dale a bid just to mess with me.
- It wouldn't surprise me.
Maybe they were the ones who called the cops on our rush party to get back at us for spring break.
I bet daley will drop out before anything bad happens.
He's far too gentle a soul to fraternize with such nimrods.
What if we make him a kt first? - We can only take legacies.
- What if we come up with a way - to make him a legacy? - Yeah, but how are you ? Spidey, just leave it.
If you get killed, we don't have any more pledges.
Ok.
We need Dale here.
We're the house he really wanted.
Besides, our one pledge is kind of a dud, anyway.
- He's not that bad.
- Help me! Help me! Help me! - I'll go save spider-woman.
- I'll save Dale.
There you are.
Hey, cappie.
You do realize it's 10am, right? Uh, I believe our truce is over.
Look, I didn't bust the kt rush party, if that's what you think.
No, no, no, I'm sure there are plenty of Omega chis who needed to screw us over so they could make up for an election scandal and get back in the good graces of their dumb-ass brothers.
Well, I still come in peace.
So a little ancient philosophy to cleanse the palate of the soul? I guess so.
I heard the Professor was cool.
- What about you? - I'm trying this year.
Which means a panoply of pre-noon classes has opened up before me.
Welcome, truth-seekers.
And congratulations on taking a brave first step beyond the confines of Cru's all-too-familiar "memorize and spew" curriculum.
There are no tests, unless you count the personal challenges inherent in any true philosophical journey.
No tests? Is this what happens before noon? - I freaking love morning-time.
- Socrates, one of the founders of Western philosophy, who believed that all you need to discover the secrets of the universe is a question.
This ideology birthed the socratic method, a series of questions from teacher to student, designed to force one to examine one's own beliefs to achieve a higher sense of understanding and truth.
Higher sense of understanding? I think I'd do better with tests.
Your first assignment will be to pick a partner.
One of you will assume the role of socrates, the other one, his star pupil, Plato.
Have a dialogue and see where you get.
Your prompt? - "Why are we here? " - I was just gonna ask myself that.
- Partners? - Uh, well, I guess if I'm gonna discover the secrets of the universe with anyone, it's gonna be you.
You flatter me.
And you're correct.
Oh hey, hey! Psst! Why didn't you save me a seat? And miss a chance to see you squirming in the front row? I was here 20 minutes early to get this one.
Fair enough, chambers.
Game on.
Every man and woman for him or herself.
"Look to your left, look to your right" "One of them won't be here"? I hope for your sake that isn't true.
Hi, Jan Carnes, my husband Jim.
Northwestern undergrads.
And fellow first year lambs to the slaughter.
Welcome, welcome, welcome, first years, to the study of torts.
By now, you've done the reading, you've noticed the copious material.
It gets worse and we move fast, so I suggest you find a damn good study group asap.
Torts is defined as the body of law concerned with civil wrongs.
Torts differs from criminal law by, among other things, the burden of proof.
Would you care to illuminate that difference for me, Mr Chambers? Yeah.
Uh, the burden of proof in criminal law, it differs from torts in as such that, um Would anyone care to help out miss teen South Carolina? You.
Yes? In the red.
Name, please? Um, Casey Cartwright.
And I think what Mr.
Chambers meant to say is that criminal cases must be proven beyond a reasonable doubt and civil cases only require a preponderance of the evidence.
Chambers.
It's no free pass being the progeny of the elite.
I believe it took jfk, Jr.
Three tries to pass the bar.
That's good, Ms.
Cartwright.
Now, how about Mrs.
carnes? In the lange motors case, from the reading, was sexual harassment proved by a preponderance of the evidence? In that case, yes, but the facts to me implied that she might've been lying.
Which, in that event, hurts real sexual harassment victims.
Interesting.
Anyone care to cite a present-day example? - You, sir, name? - Jim carnes.
Uh, we heard about one right here at cru law, right? Someone contested their admissions denial and claimed sexual harassment.
- I'm not familiar.
- Apparently, this woman, who received an unfavorable letter of recommendation, claimed the guy was biased because she was having sex with him - and had it rescinded so she could get in.
- Well Does she have a case? Mr.
chambers? Uh, she doesn't need one.
She got in.
I would imagine.
Legality aside, if she had sex with the guy and still received a bad rec, it sounds like not getting into law school isn't her only problem.
- Or maybe she didn't have sex with him at all.
- Or that also.
- Elaborate, Ms.
Cartwright.
- What I meant to say is that when dealing with a preponderance, there's always room for doubt.
Maybe we're all misinformed.
Maybe she didn't have sex with him and that's why he wrote the bad letter.
Maybe she confronted him, for all we know, and that's why he rescinded it.
I mean, what proof do you Or we, for that matter, have? Ok, causation.
Right.
Hey, your text said it was urgent.
Hey.
Yeah, I just What happened to you? This? Just some new gear I flipped at the mall.
I'm on my way to a pledge mixer with the pi pi pis.
- You mean the tri pis? - I just wanna look sharp for the ladies, right? Well, you look like a teen movie villain.
And you look like the nerdy girl before her makeover.
- Oh! - What if I told you there's a way to get you out of those shirts and into a better fraternity? I'd say that's impossible.
- What's this? - Meet your new Uncle on your mother's side, Conrad Liddell.
My friend's a criminal psych major.
So she scanned your photo and then mocked up - what you could look like at 50.
- Pretty authentic, right? With those jowls? I look like Michael Douglas in a wind tunnel.
The real Conrad Liddell was a kappa tau at uva.
This will make you a legacy so you can rush kappa tau and wear whatever you want.
I don't want to wear whatever I want.
The guys say you should dress for the job you want, not the one you have.
That's pretty smart, right? Look, I think they might be leading you on, ok? It's not a real bid.
They're just messing with you to get back at me and kappa tau for spring break.
You know what? It is a real bid.
So you can take your Conrad Liddell glamour shot and stick it in your bunsen burner.
Rusty's just looking out for you.
Yeah? Ok.
Well, the Omega chis want me for me.
So just accept that, you kappa tau.
So besides picking up trash, what else do kt pledges do? Party, pranks, general campus mayhem.
One time I TP'd my neighbor's house, but then I cleaned it up the next day - 'cause he got mad.
- Pledge spidey! Stand completely still and silent for five minutes! Hey, pledge educator.
How's the kt crop coming? Oh, they're great.
He's great.
It's great.
- And the Omega chi crop? - Oh, yeah, they're great.
- Even Dale? - I know, I can't believe it either, - but he's way into pledging.
- But are you way into him? I mean, he's not exactly ripped from the pages of a j.
Crew catalog.
We don't all look like j.
Crew models.
Have you seen Marco lately? Dale's the guy who started u-sag to destroy fraternities a couple years ago.
He's got a glow-in-the-dark Jesus hanging above his bed.
Admit it, you guys are screwing with him.
Do you really think that we would do that? - That I would do that? - So, what happened? Did you sell Dale to them before bid night? I didn't have to, Rus, 'cause I wasn't even there.
They like what he brings.
He respects tradition.
He's a complete gentleman.
And he makes a huge effort.
- Dale's pledging is legit? - Completely.
My equilibrium's off for some reason.
Ok.
So in Manhattan, here's how we check to see if our cosmos have been roofied.
So dip your finger in it like so, and then dab the circle on the special coasters I gave you.
- And if it turns blue - You're pregnant? If you don't do it right.
Oh, Casey! A toast to Casey's - first day of law school! - Oh, thanks.
No, wait! That might've been roofied! Ah! What difference does it make? Everyone at law school thinks I slept my way in anyway.
Wait, what? How? The Joel-thing made it out of the admissions office, through the rumor mill, and somehow I became an opportunistic slut.
But you didn't do anything wrong.
Then why do I feel like Betsy when she told everyone she didn't puke in the DVD player after winter formal junior year? I didn't! Ok, but these are law students.
Aren't they supposed to know the truth, and handle it and stuff? - Yeah - One thing I learned from my dad: Deny, deny, deny.
And if you can't deny, pin it on someone else.
No, I'm not gonna do that.
This isn't the Greek system.
This is law school, these are mature adults.
I'm going to go in there and plead my case.
Well, I'll drink to that! Well, you seem less freaked out than this morning.
Because you know what's better than being in college? Being at college and not having to go to class.
I had the best day ever! I had no school, no job.
It was like summer in September.
- I got a pedicure.
- Oh! I hate you and I'm so sick of school already.
I can't stand it.
Ok, now I am in the mood for that toast.
Oh! And look at our coasters.
There are no roofies in our drinks.
- Cheers! - Yay! No roofies.
- Oh, dibs on socrates.
- How come I have to be the student? Because Plato's symposium is a "Handbook for those embarking on a homoerotic-spiritual path.
" - Really? - Now, tell me, young Plato, - why are we here? - Because we're doing this assignment.
But why are we doing this assignment? Because the Professor told us to.
- Ok, a little help, Plato.
- Ok, um I'm here because I'm interested in examining life, and my life and why I do what I do.
And why do you think you do the things you do, the way you do the things you do? Because I don't know how to answer that.
This all sounds like stoner talk.
- Well, we could, if you think it'd help.
- What? - No.
- As your intellectual midwife, - I really think it would help loosen up your - This is for a real grade.
What? Come on.
"Why are we here?" She's ordering us to get high.
You know what? I have a better idea.
One that doesn't involve us getting high.
You say that like it's a good thing.
You got in pretty late last night.
I had a pledge thing at the fraternity that doesn't want me.
Look, I was out of line earlier.
Apparently, Omega chi totally wants you.
Which is great.
But why do you want them? Out of all the fraternities on campus, you picked the one house that's the epitome of the Greek system you hated and one currently I don't care for either.
Not everything in the Greek system is about you.
What about God? I mean, did you talk to him? - Or your parents? - Most pre-war fraternities were founded on Christian values, including Omega chi.
We're a divine institution.
My parents offered to pay my pledge dues.
My dad even chuckled when I told him about the branding.
- What branding? - You know, just a little Action right there.
Omega chi.
They're gonna brand their letters on your ass? No, I'm just a pledge.
I can't get all the letters.
- Just the "x.
" - Because it marks the spot of a moron? Kt doesn't even do any of that.
Because Omega means "the end," and there is no end to Omega chi.
You get an Omega when you've done pledging, to remind you that even though your time as a novice is complete, you I shouldn't be telling you any of this.
You shouldn't know any of this.
It's like you joined a cult.
They told me you'd say that.
Hey, guys.
I'd like to set the record straight.
I am, in fact, the woman who protested the admissions recommendation letter.
But I can assure you that I was nothing more than the victim of a personal attack by someone I trusted.
And did not have sex with.
He eventually plead guilty to what he did, and subsequently said he would rescind said letter.
So here I am.
And may I remind you, torts, preponderance of the evidence.
Ok, thanks.
You know, I took a summer prep class.
I'm so ready to dive in and give it a hundred percent.
- So can I join your study group? - Yeah, no.
- We don't have enough chairs.
- Well, I can bring a chair over.
- Right, Evan? - Yes, she can.
She's very strong.
How well do you two know each other? - We used to date.
- Oh, Evan, - did you work in undergrad admissions? - Ok, what is your problem? Our problem is we have 30 cases to summarize by next week.
We want the best students in the class, not someone who got in on a technicality.
- I would be a total asset.
- It's taken you Don't even go there.
I aced the lsat.
I got better grades than Evan.
I'm just trying to plead my case.
Well, if you're just trying to plead your case, then you should know that your argument is flawed.
It's totally based on hearsay.
Ok.
There's cutthroat, and then there's just being an ass.
And you are the latter.
Case, wait up.
Thanks for nothing back there.
I'm sorry, but you called me out and I got caught up in the competition.
You're the one that said every man for himself.
You had no problem showing me up in class.
That's when I thought we were dealing with adults in there.
Law school is worse than the Greek system.
It's like junior high! "We don't have enough chairs.
" Look, maybe the pressure brings out the worst in us, but summer jobs and scholarships are on the line.
Especially mine.
Well, at least you have a study group.
- Forget it, I will think of something.
- Why don't you talk to Segal? See if he can assign you to a group or something.
Oh, great, now I'm rusty in High School.
The meaning of life? I don't think so.
- It was just a bunch of skits.
- Ok, you're right.
The movie had nothing to do with the meaning of life or why we're here.
But you totally laughed when that guy ate until he exploded.
- Cautionary tales are funny.
- Calvin! - Hey! How are you? You're back.
- Hey! - Yeah! - Ashleigh, I haven't talked to you - since that phone call when you told me I suck.
- And I still think you do.
- Well, good day, then.
- Good day to you.
- So, Calvin - I said good day, sir! Wow.
I see you brought some of that New York edge with you.
- What are you doing back? - Oh, licking my wounds.
Trying to find someone to play with.
Everyone has boring class.
Hard to believe, considering we're in college.
I have to finish an assignment.
I'm trying to figure out the meaning of life - and why I'm here.
- Well, while you're at it, can you figure out why I'm here, instead of staying one step ahead of the zeitgeist? What happened? I just thought that if I came back home, everything would be better.
But everyone has something to do.
Even you, figuring out the meaning of life.
- I am purposeless.
- Ooh.
I can relate.
Please.
You're, like, the most figured-out person I know.
Thanks.
Um, I think I'm gonna go home and take a nap.
So, um, have fun examining your life with cappie.
And I bet he tries to get you stoned.
Why the hell not? He called it a divine institution.
Omega chi? Now, he's getting his butt branded? I think Dale wants more than just tradition and brotherhood.
- I can relate.
- It's week one, spidey.
Be patient.
- He wants to meet a girl.
- We'll get you that, too.
- That'd be nice.
- No, I meant Dale.
All we have to do is find him a girl before Omega chi does and he'll drop out.
- A little divine intervention, if you will.
- I will.
- But how? - At our murder mystery party! - Or the - Oh, no, come on! We can have all the tradition and costumes and crazy fun of a fraternity right here in a very safe, controlled environment.
Top it off with a pretty girl for Dale.
The only question is how are we gonna get him here? The answer is by force.
Um, Professor Segal? Ms.
Cartwright.
Could I talk to you about yesterday? I wanted to address the rumors about how I got into cru law.
How you got in is irrelevant.
You're here now.
Do your best.
Yes, but I need you to know that I got in on merit.
And I need to know that the false things other students say about me - won't affect the way that you judge me.
- It won't.
Your performance in class is all that matters.
Great.
Um But I know that you said that it's really important that we get into a study group, and the other students have frozen me out because of this rumor that isn't even true.
- So could you assign me to a group? - Sure.
Do you want me to make an announcement in class? No.
Unless you want to.
Sure, I can pick you up some diapers while I'm at it.
I'm not your nanny, I'm your law Professor.
How your classmates treat you is not my concern.
But I didn't do anything wrong.
This is an adversarial profession, Ms.
Cartwright.
How you deal with it will determine your success or your failure.
Ok? All right, ladies.
Iron's hot.
We're starting with your first pledge bro.
As interim president, let me be the first to welcome you to Omega chi.
Ok.
Here we go.
On three.
One, two, three! Spidey, run interference.
Go, go, go! Rusty? Ah! Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry! The condor is away! Egress, egress! Hello.
Ok, you guys are really freaking me out.
Oh, my gosh! He looks like a rabbit.
- Who? - Him.
No, his ears are too short.
He looks like, um, link from legend of Zelda, you know? Know what I mean? Man, I'm so glad we came around to your idea, - but, um - But what? - What? - What? Was I talking? - You know what? - Hm? I'm gonna explode like that guy in the movie.
- Oh, man, like a piñata.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- We gotta do this assignment.
- Oh, right.
- Ok.
- Ok.
- Ok.
- Why am I here? - Right.
- Why am I here? Oh, dude.
Oh, my gosh.
I got it.
Oh, God, ok.
Listen to this, right? Ok.
How do I say this? Um Ok, so basically there's, like, a lot of reasons, right, why we're here.
But the reasons are not as important as the people who ask the questions, you know? Like any kid on campus, or an astronaut.
Or like Rachel ray, man.
Rachel ray! I mean, we're not We don't have the answers.
They do.
Not me.
Not me.
Not you.
So how can we know if we're not them? That is Brilliant.
Yeah, man.
Does that even make sense? - Oh, I made a mess.
- Oh, no! You have chips on your butt.
I am lady fuchsia, and welcome to murder manor, where an unthinkable deed has just occurred.
And by that I mean murder! What? You kidnapped me for this? I thought this was a kt prank.
- You embarrass yourself, sir.
- Yeah, by attending this nerd coachella.
You embarrass yourself further! But who did it? But who did it? None of us, lady fuchsia, the sous chef, not even I, the esteemed doctor goldenrod, nor jockey nantucket red is above suspicion.
All right.
Um, I gotta get back to the house.
So trip can scar you for life? - And you think this won't? - I saved your butt back there.
- Literally.
- My butt didn't need saving.
My butt needed an "x" on it.
I know the theme's kind of lame.
- Yeah.
- Ok.
But Dana's got a friend Molly here and she wants to meet you.
- Hi.
- The one with the slight but sexy overbite? Yeah.
Just give it an hour.
.
If you two don't hit it off, you can leave.
Man, the things I do for a girl.
Welcome to my world.
Smashing, then! The game's afoot! Jockey nantucket red, I'd like you to meet chambermaid brown.
Hi.
Nantucket.
Chambermaid.
I gotta drop this class.
- Well, you quit easy.
- I can't do it.
Tests and quizzes, that I can handle.
But examining my life, you know, trying to find some purpose? You don't need this class for your major? Cappie, what do you think my major is? It's, um, business.
No, uh, architecture.
Architectural business - Relations? - I don't have a major.
What? How do I not know this? No one does, 'cause I don't tell anyone.
'Cause I don't want anyone to think that I'm like, uh Me? Everyone thinks I'm Mr.
Together, but the truth is, I have no idea what I'm doing.
So, what makes you happy? Finally admitting that.
Not having to try so hard to seem like I've got it all figured out.
Being with heath, who doesn't even know.
- And what are you afraid of? - Picking something I hate just to pick.
And then realizing years later that I have made a huge mistake that I've screwed up my entire life.
I guess if you don't pick anything, eventually, it'll be too late to choose any of them.
- Hm.
- So, what do you wanna do? Honestly, I want to do something that matters.
Makes the world a better place.
I know.
- It's cheesy and clichéd.
- Yeah.
Uh, hey guys, have you seen rusty? No, Cal and I are just here all day.
Studying.
Um Why would you need rusty? Well, the truth is I've been having a horrible couple of days, and I'm looking at a hard three-year sentence of being the law school pariah.
And rusty knows what that's like.
Wait, are you guys high? Uh, not anymore.
It was for class, I swear.
Oh, for class.
Of course it was.
Casey, wait up! So, uh, when you're not cleaning chamberpots, what's your major? Applied mathematics.
With a 3.
86 repeating gpa.
Wow.
And I do deduce this one's got a look of guilt about 'im.
- Have you been a naughty lad? - Really? Uh, apparently while bridling the stallion, - I heard a commotion in the armory.
- That's the tv area.
And the chambermaid should show you the clue she found in the hedge maze.
Shall we? All right.
Hour's up, gold rod.
I gotta go.
- But the game's not done.
- Ok.
Samir's the killer.
Based on what? - Racial profiling? - No, based on common sense.
You're only an assistant chef, so you're resentful and your job gives you easy access to all kinds of murder weapons.
Come on.
You nerds didn't figure this out? We nerds? We're your circle, Dale.
We read the same books as you.
We laugh at your chemistry puns.
And don't tell me you'll meet a girl like Molly at Omega chi.
I hope not.
No offense, but I can do better.
I didn't eat mayonnaise burritos to date the Molly's of the world.
Wow, ok.
You're the perfect Omega chi after all.
You're snobby, shallow and just way better than any of us losers, right? Dale's an Omega chi? Admit it, you can't accept that you're no longer the only nerd - who can fit in and join a fraternity.
- Have you met our new pledge? Yeah, and where is he? Maybe you should worry about your own pledge who you left at Omega chi.
I hate this school and everyone in it! Stupid cappie! I thought that he'd want to change for himself, but there he was, baked like a stoner freshman! I am so stupid for staying at cru.
Wait, I thought that you stayed here for yourself and for rusty - and for the great law program.
- Yeah, yeah, all that crap.
But a little bit for cappie, too, and that's driving me crazy! I thought if I stayed, he'd try, finally.
Maybe.
You need to forget about all that 'cause you're here now.
Well, here, my Professor, who grades me, thinks I'm a weak bimbo.
And here, my classmates think that I'm a slut.
I hate here.
Well, then let's go.
I mean, we're adults.
- We can do whatever we want, right? - No, we can't just leave.
- I can't just go.
- Yeah, you're right.
But what's stopping me? I'd save my parents a forte on tuition.
Yeah.
Why not travel for a while? There's so much world out there to see! Then I'll get a congressional aide job and work my way up.
I'll be in Washington three years early.
I don't even need to be here.
So are we really doing this? Hell, yes.
Pack your bags, we leave in five! - All done.
- This is so Thelma & Louise.
Oh, my God! What if we get to the grand canyon? We keep driving.
Oh, no.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Yeah, that's better.
I guess spider-man does stick to walls.
Not funny.
Ok.
Brace yourself.
- You ass face! - Ass what? You're the worst pledge educator in history, ever! - Spidey, calm down.
- No, you calm down! - No, you calm down.
- You forgot me at Omega chi? I'm sorry.
It's terrible what they did to you.
At least they noticed me.
All you care about is that Dale, who really wants to be an Omega chi.
I'd kill to be a kt, even if I wasn't a legacy.
Because I can count on one finger how many High School parties I went to.
I know I could use some socialization.
And here you are, this confident guy who's an honors engineering major, too.
You're an honors engineering major? I want to be the cool guy for once in my life.
What's wrong with that? You know, I wasn't always this confident.
It's something that I got from kappa tau.
When's that gonna happen for me? We'll discuss it tonight when we're putting shaving cream on beaver when he sleeps.
It's a little game I like to call "living dangerously.
" Just don't leave me behind.
I promise you, buddy, I won't.
Now, how are we gonna get you down from here? You got any WD-40? It neutralizes the adhesive.
Yeah.
Ok.
So say something about leaving Cyprus.
Um uh, suck it, Cyprus! Casey and ashleigh are leaving.
Oh, wait, hold on.
Keep going.
- Keep going.
- Can you just answer it so we can get on the road? No, I can't, 'cause it's faith.
Well, she's not settling for voicemail.
That's pretty obsessive for a woman who fired you.
Ok.
She didn't fire me.
I left.
- I know, you said you quit.
- No, I just left.
A full-time opening came up, and faith gave the job to some talentless reality wannabe from the outside, just because she was on the city.
- Was it Whitney port? - Missing the point.
- Right.
- I I went to New York thinking friends apartment and sex and the city soirees.
- Yes.
- And yes, we both watch way too much television.
But when I was in my roach-filled dump with no friends and no money, and then you called and said that you're not coming to dc, and so even the slim hope of weekend reunions on the train was gone.
Ash, I had no idea.
Faith asked me to go on my thousandth coffee run and I left and I never came back.
What if she thinks you're dead? No, you have to talk to her.
- She's probably worried.
- Oh.
Or furious.
You can't run from her forever.
Ok.
Ok.
Hi, faith.
Oh, yeah, I'm ok.
I'm sorry.
I just kind of freaked out about work, and so I came back to Cyprus.
I am so, so sorry.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
I'm sor Yeah, I know, I'll All I can do is apologize.
Now, I'm fired.
We can't go.
We're not kids anymore.
We can't just run away.
We're not Thelma and Louise.
Come here.
Hey, case! Where are we on those Cheesaritos? Yes, I am getting you the Cheesaritos.
Appreciate it.
Beaver caught me putting shaving cream in his hair.
This is my punishment for not putting up enough resistance to your little murder mystery abduction.
- About earlier - Let's just agree to disagree - about my new affiliation.
- I don't want to do that.
I want to be excited for you.
I know this is a 180 for me.
But that doesn't have to be a bad thing, right? Isn't that why you joined kappa tau? To change? I guess it's hard for me to accept because I don't think you need to change.
I appreciate that.
But I do need to do this for me.
Just like you need to do this murder mystery crap for Dana.
Don't worry, pledge.
I know a trick to get the permanent ink off your face.
I did my own study notes on all the cases.
I made extra copies, if anyone wants them.
Don't worry, I'm not asking to trade.
Oh, no thanks, we're covered.
Let me know when you're uncovered.
Ok, case.
- What the hell was that? - What did I do? Because what? Ow.
Class beginning.
Before we begin, I have one brief announcement to make.
We have a newly arrived transfer student who just got late acceptance into the jd-mba program.
Please welcome, Ms.
Parker.
Didn't you get rejected from that program? - Wait.
Isn't that? - Katherine? - Hello, Casey! - Hey, if you're looking for a study group Can you not interrupt me while I'm waving to my friend, thank you.