Hogan's Heroes (1965) s04e03 Episode Script

( theme song playing ) ( quietly ): Schultzy? Schultzy Here, Schultz.
Come on, boy.
Schultzy.
Apfelstrudel.
Colonel, London just confirmed a meeting.
It's at Weber's Farm, Right, Kinch.
Let's see, we're here, Weber's Farm is there.
A pretty fair distance.
Oh, that's a bit of a walk that is, sir.
There's never a cab when you need one.
What about LeBeau? No sign of him yet, Colonel.
What's the holdup? All he had to do was feed Schultz a little strudel.
With Schultz there's no such thing as "a little strudel.
" Mmm Delicious, huh? Mmm! Any extra patrols outside the wire? Nein.
Inside the wire? Nein.
Anything unusual? Nein.
Oh, ja.
Well? Mr.
Bigshot, the commandant, is going to make a surprise bed check personally tonight.
Some surprise.
Real big surprise.
( both chuckling ) Oh, you're such a nice little person.
You always bring me Apfelstrudel and you never ask me for anything in return.
When? He wasn't sure-- around midnight.
Why does Klink have to earn his money tonight? No sweat, Colonel.
Sure, we'll cover for you, sir.
I'm the first one he'll look for, and if I'm not here, trouble.
Sir, you can't be at that meeting and here at the same time.
True.
Not without help you can't.
Well, thank you, Newkirk.
It makes it easier when I don't have to ask for volunteers.
Me stand in for you, Colonel? I don't even know these underground leaders.
Neither do I, and they don't know me.
I'm just a code name to them: "Papa Bear.
" The Dusseldorf underground unit, North Star, wants help in knocking out rail yards.
Yeah, well, good luck to them, I say.
They asked for the meeting, London okayed it.
Just listen to their planning, get back here with it.
Simple.
Well, if it's so bloody easy, why doesn't somebody else go? Well, you volunteered.
Right-- in this war, it's first come, first served.
Right.
It's one of the principles we're fighting to protect.
Hammond.
O'Brien.
Mills.
Kinchloe.
Strudel.
I mean, LeBeau.
LeBeau.
Carter.
Newkirk.
Hold it! Schultz, shine your light again.
That is not Newkirk.
No, Herr Kommandant, but his name is on the list.
Mm-hmm, so is your name on the list for transfer to a combat unit.
Lights! LeBEAU: Hey, turn off the light! Hey, what's going on? Silence! You're not Corporal Newkirk, you're Colonel Hogan.
You woke me in the middle of the night to tell me that? Where is the man who is supposed to occupy this bunk? Newkirk has a cold.
I told him to sleep in my room, it's warmer in there.
Hogan, do you expect me to believe that lie? I don't know-- I've never tried it before.
The truth is it's more convenient for an escape.
It is? Ha! Now he tells me, after two years.
Colonel, it's against the Geneva Convention to wake people in the middle of the night! ( snoring ) Satisfied? Fortunately for you, he's there.
He snores beautifully.
He makes a lot of noise for a sick man.
It's not his fault.
The acoustics in here are terrible.
( snoring continues ) Right, now I have to hear your plan, then take it back to Papa Bear and he makes the decisions.
Which of you lot is North Star? I'm Myra.
And this is Wilhelm.
Guten Abend.
Our code name is North Star.
Well, there's a shock-- two of you, eh? And one's a bird.
Not that I object to the shape of things, mind you.
Who are you two? Franz and Gunther, from Dusseldorf.
Oh, well, that's great.
Guten Abend, it's a pleasure.
Now we got the amenities out the way, let's get on with it, shall we? Delayed action charges will be planted here and at the switching point here and the control tower there.
It's got the makings of a lovely catastrophe, if you'd ask me.
Once it happens, the Gestapo will close all access to the city, but our people will be out already.
Gunther and Franz will be responsible for hiding them.
Stand still, all of you.
Hands up.
You're under arrest.
Take their weapons.
Excuse me there's been a terrible mistake.
My name's Rumplemeyer, Hans Rumplemeyer.
See, I was taking a walk down the street when I heard this woman scream, right Quiet! I'm not interested.
Well, you would have been if it was your sister who'd done the screaming.
GUARD: Halt.
Stay here.
I will get him.
Halt! Halt! Halt or I shoot.
Newkirk is making an old man out of me.
Yeah, the least he could do is call in.
How? He didn't take a radio.
North Star makes radio contact with London every day.
He could relay a message through them.
Unless he's in trouble.
Or playing around with a Fraulein.
Nothing yet, Colonel.
Not a word.
Do you think we ought to try and contact him? Nah, it's too much of a gamble.
You'd have to keep sending.
Krauts could nail us with their detection finders.
Right.
If he gets near a set, I sure hope he won't forget to use that emergency wavelength.
Bonjour, messieurs-- The strudel king approaches.
Oh, Colonel Hogan.
Commandant Klink wants to see you.
About what, Schultz? I'm a busy man, you know.
The Englander did not answer roll call this morning.
He's still sick.
That's the trouble with this war.
Nobody believes anybody.
Please, Colonel Hogan, I'm only carrying out orders! Shh, can't we have a little quiet here, please? Sorry, LeBeau.
There's a sick man in there.
Some people are so inconsiderate.
How is he? Oh, down to 102.
That's not bad.
I fed him the chicken soup.
He's sleeping again.
He wants to see him.
No, I forbid it.
Orders-- please.
Okay.
Shh Shh.
( snoring ) He does a lot of snoring.
It's the fever.
LeBEAU: Okay, okay.
That's long enough.
Visiting hours are over.
Shh ( big-band music begins playing ) What was that? I'm not sure.
I think it's Tommy Dorsey.
A hundred and two? And you say it's down? Yes, sir-- fortunately he reacts very well to chicken soup.
He's still asleep and snoring.
And there's also music.
It was the guys in the other hut-- LeBeau quieted them down.
I don't like this.
I do not like this at all.
We must find a doctor for him.
A doctor? There's a medical unit in Stalag 4.
Fraulein Hilda! We'll see how sick he is.
Herr Kommandant? Fraulein Hilda, call Stalag 4.
I want to talk to the medical officer.
Right away, Herr Kommandant.
Of course, if it's contagious, they'll probably quarantine the camp.
Possibly.
I already had chicken pox.
I wonder if they'll burn the buildings? Burn the buildings? I also had measles.
Can't be too careful with wartime epidemics.
Of course.
I think they were German measles.
If they burn the buildings, that would mean dispersing prisoners to other stalags.
What other kind of measles could I have? Schultz, will you stop mumbling? Yeah, they'll break up your command.
But then you'll have what you've always wanted.
What have I always wanted? What? What? Front-line duty-- combat unit.
Maybe if you're lucky the Russian front.
That's what I've always wanted? Hogan, my duty is here.
And nothing must interfere with the duty of a German officer.
Fraulein Hilda-- cancel that call to Stalag 4.
He must get well.
Now, that's an order.
We'll do the best we can, sir.
He's to have chicken soup on every hour, on the hour-- understood? Understood.
Understood! And if necessary, give it to him intravenously.
Dis missed.
Who turned us in? That's what interests me.
How well do you know those two-- Gunther and that friend? Wilhelm and I had radio contact with them, that's all.
The minute I get out of here, I'm going to have a word with those two geezers.
Get out of here? How? Well, as soon as Papa Bear realizes what's happened, he'll come for us.
He's that powerful? He's a top man.
Oh, he's a governor.
You know, if I could get to a radio, he'd be here like a shot.
Perhaps Wilhelm will try to reach him.
Well, we're not even sure he got away, are we? Even then, he'd have to know the right wavelength to use.
He couldn't guess it'd be 510, could he? ( choking up ): It is hopeless.
Hey Now don't don't you start getting a wind up.
You know, this is the first co-educational jail I've ever been in.
Bloody good idea, if you ask me.
I'm just so frightened.
Of me or them? The Krauts wouldn't hurt a fly.
People, yes-- flies, no.
( cell door opens ) Hello, we've got company.
Fraulein, kommen Sie.
NEWKIRK: Ah, do you mind if I go with her? I promised her mum we'd never be Can I take that as a definite no, then? MAN: ( transmitter clicking Morse code ) Kinch? Kinch? Huh? I think I got something.
Yeah.
Better call the Colonel.
( transmitter clicking Morse code ) "I read you.
"Repeat your message, same wavelength, "five minutes, then standby.
Papa Bear.
" There it is.
Excellent.
It's just possible we are going to catch Papa Bear after all.
We have been very patient.
We have waited for this moment a long time-- a very long time.
"Trapped, Weber's farm.
"Held Gestapo jail, Hammelburg.
SOS, North Star.
" This all of it? That's it.
I asked for a repeat.
It's due about now.
How do you figure it, sir? I don't know.
Somebody must have blown the whistle on that meeting, according to this.
It's coming in now, Colonel.
But North Star got away? Could be.
Must have talked to Newkirk before that, though, because this transmission came in on our emergency wavelength.
They're standing by.
Identical-- nothing added, same wording.
Same hand send this? As far as I know.
All right, we'll work with what we have.
Send this.
"Rendezvous 2400 hours tonight.
Hammelburg Road, two miles east of main junction.
Recognition signal, our code names.
Acknowledge five minutes, Papa Bear.
Got it.
LeBeau, Carter.
Meet North Star, bring him in.
BOTH: Right, Colonel.
HOGAN: Uh, fellows? Play it safe, huh? Certainement-- is there any other way? Ja, ja, ja, ja.
We've done very well, true.
Except that Papa Bear is still free.
Herr Major, tonight is our chance to get the man and the organization.
It would be a great coup.
Let me go to the rendezvous-- alone.
One of his men has been captured.
Papa Bear will be very anxious to cooperate.
Once I locate his headquarters, you can move in in force.
All right-- it's worth the risk.
Danke, Herr Major.
Acknowledge the rendezvous.
Time and place.
Tell him Tell him North Star will be there.
For Pete's sake, a woman.
Why not? There's no law against it.
Yeah, I guess not.
I'll go talk to her, you cover me.
How do I look? Go on.
Guten Abend, Fraulein.
Abend.
I hope you don't think I'm a wise guy or I'm trying to get fresh or anything.
Because I know how it is, you know, especially in wartime when lots of fellows get away with The sky is beautiful tonight.
There is the North Star.
Uh-huh.
Anyway, as I was saying, lots of fellows, when they get away from home Oh.
North Star? Ja.
Okay, a Papa Bear to you, too.
Ja.
It's nice to meet you, North Star.
It's really kind of silly, you know, the way grown-up adult people will just stand here and say funny things to each other on a deserted road right in the middle of Germany.
Why don't you exchange recipes with her? North Star? Ja.
Come on, vite, vite.
MYRA: Prisoner of war camp? Oui, ain't it beautiful? Wilhelm and I ran for it.
They fired at us, but we were lucky, we got away.
And the other two men, Gunther and Franz? They are being held, along with your Englishman.
Where's your pal, Wilhelm? He's watching the jail.
In case the Gestapo moves the prisoners, he will contact us here by radio.
Well, that's good thinking.
Used their heads.
You know the layout, I don't.
Got any ideas? Any attack by force on the jail would be suicide, but if you or one of your men went in alone, asked to see the officer in charge and forced him to open the cells, the rest of us could be waiting with a car.
KINCH: Hey, not a bad idea.
Yeah, it's good.
Makes a lot of sense.
Bring Franz and Gunther here with your man and hide them.
The Gestapo would never think to search a Luft Stalag.
Why, heck, if it's necessary, we can even get him out of the country, right, Colonel? Carter You have that sort of operation? Uh, what about her plan, Colonel? Fine-- except it's not for us.
LeBEAU: What? CARTER: Why not? You have another plan, Colonel? No plan is what I mean.
Forget it.
We can't leave them there! Hold it, hold it.
If we don't play percentages, we're out of business.
Three men are gone.
Do we risk four or five more to save them? With the odds against us, forget it.
Newkirk would lay himself on the line for us, Colonel.
And he has, more than once.
Well, he's not in command, I am.
Which means I'm the lucky one that has to make the rough decisions.
Where does a guy go to resign? I'm with you, Kinch.
You will do nothing then? I didn't say that.
It's a good time to hit them.
There's a priority target in Hammelburg.
Munitions dump, about a mile south of town.
LeBEAU: Yeah, we know the place.
The Gestapo crashed that meeting and got themselves three prisoners.
They must figure it'll scare anybody else with sabotage ideas for awhile, and they'll relax.
He's right.
It is a good time psychologically.
Well, whatever the Colonel says.
It's his war.
We're a man short.
We could use you and Wilhelm.
What are your orders? Get on the radio to Wilhelm.
Tell him we're going to blow that munitions dump tomorrow night and I want him to scout it.
Meet me on the approach road about a mile from the entrance at 2330.
What is the recognition code? "Papa Bear"-- in person this time.
KINCH: We're all set, Colonel.
The message has been received and acknowledged.
Wilhelm sends his regards.
He considers it an honor to work with Papa Bear.
Fine.
Kinch, did you check the message that she sent? Well, sure, Colonel.
Exactly what you dictated, nothing else.
Good because I don't like to tell the Gestapo everything.
She's Gestapo? She ain't Frances Langford.
I can't believe it.
A nice-looking woman like that.
How'd you figure it, Colonel? Before Newkirk left, we agreed any message he sent would start with "Four score and seven," and end with it.
He gave you the proper wavelength to use, but not the security code.
She was leading us into a trap tomorrow night.
With all kinds of nasty people waiting for us.
Let us be realistic, Colonel.
I'm sure we can do business.
Sorry, lady, this window's closed.
But I have bargaining power.
Really? The Gestapo will kill your Englishman.
Not yet, they won't.
Your friend Wilhelm is going to be waiting for us at the munitions dump.
Meanwhile, back at the jail, we're going to spring Newkirk and the others.
Hey, hold on, wait a minute, Colonel.
You mean, we're going to blow that munitions dump and spring Newkirk all in one night? Kinch, can I help it if I'm greedy? The fence.
Down there-- check those boxes down there.
You, right there, back there.
You, come with me.
But you know who I am, Sergeant.
Of course, Fraulein, but I cannot release the prisoners without a written authorization.
This officer has come all the way from Berlin.
I am sorry, sir, but not without special order.
Sure you don't want to change your mind, Fritz? Turn around! Put your hands up where I can see them.
Face the wall! Carter? Guard! Kommen Sie! Right here.
Stop.
Get up against the wall.
Schnell! Here, find Newkirk.
Yeah.
Newkirk? Hey, Newkirk? NEWKIRK: Is that you, Andrew? I'll get you out in a minute.
Oh, blimey, I thought you'd never get here.
You better take this.
Oh, right.
Oh, there's the lovely Mata Hari.
Hello, darling.
They treating you all right? HOGAN: Find a telephone.
Newkirk? Get these two in your cell, quick.
All right, come on you lot.
HOGAN: Come on, move it-- schnell! Find Gunther and Franz, get them out.
They'll take care of this nice lady.
Right, sir.
England's beautiful this time of year.
Much too nice for her.
Major? Heil Hitler.
This is Corporal Carterhof.
I have an urgent message for you from Fraulein Myra.
Ja, ja, go ahead.
What it is? Message is: "Change of plan.
"Papa Bear will attempt to release prisoners.
Come at once.
" Ja.
Ja, I understand.
Heil Hitler.
WILHELM: Attention! In the truck! Schnell, schnell! In the truck! Schnell, schnell.
( ticking ) There they are now.
Hey, Newkirk.
How'd it go? No problem, Colonel.
KINCH: Everything's set.
In fact, the next sound you hear should be very loud.
LeBEAU: We did it.
Ah, another day, another munitions dump.
Oui, Colonel.
We also got Newkirk back.
Well, let's face it, no day is perfect.
Come on.
No temperature.
Normal.
And you don't look sick either.
He was at death's door.
Were you now? Feeling much better, sir.
He should have been answering roll call days ago.
Why are you in here malingering when you should have been out there in formation? Why? He can't help it, Commandant.
True, sir, I can't.
Can't help it? Right-- he's crazy about chicken soup.