Insecure (2016) s04e03 Episode Script

1 - Oh, I know what I'm getting.
- Oh, thank you.
It's weird that you're still working with Condola when she's dating Lawrence.
It's weird, but it doesn't have to be and I'm fine with it.
I got to admit, I thought maybe I scared you away when I told you I was divorced.
Nah, nah.
So, is it true? Dad cheated on Mom.
They work through it.
They work through it? Lower your voice please.
Mom.
How could you cheat on Mom? He made a mistake.
- I can't.
- Honey.
No.
I'm sorry about the other night.
It's just hard for me to let someone in like that.
It just it might take some time.
I got time.
Cool.
Who is that? Uh, it's some work shit.
You stay working.
I've overseen numerous projects from concept to completion.
I've demonstrated the ability to turn detailed data analysis into useful strategic insights in order to make the appropriate recommendations to the Meridian team.
That's why I think Wow, okay, it can't be healthy for you to wake up like this.
It's the only way I'll wake up.
I once slept through an emergency water landing.
I have follow-up questions, but I'ma leave it alone for now.
You have time? - Mmm.
- Aw.
I wish! But the plumber is coming to my house and then I'm heading to my firm's Thanksgiving "Give Back.
" Right.
Look at you, using your powers for good.
- Stop.
- No, I'm serious.
You doin' big things.
It makes me feel like I need to step my game up.
You're perfect.
So Thanksgiving.
I know you don't have family here either.
So you wanna do something? I was gonna hop around.
My boy, Mike, makes this Hennessy turkey.
It's trash, though.
That sounds fun, but I'm actually hosting a little Friendsgiving at my place.
Oh.
Do you want me to come? Sure.
I didn't know you'd want to.
Yeah, of course I do.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Wow.
I know.
Hey, I have a meeting with Tim and Cameron.
They ready? Actually, they just got pulled into something.
They have to reschedule.
Is everything okay? Mm-hmm.
Anyway, man, one of the investors pulled out, now they're talking about letting half of the company go.
Man, you gettin' fired already? Hell no.
There's only three people on my team and I'm the only black person they got.
Oh, shit, you black and bulletproof.
What's the problem, my guy? Well, it means that nobody's getting promoted, man.
I'm supposed to be moving up, not standing still.
Oh, nigga, that's not standing still.
I ain't sold a house in over a month, nigga.
That's standing still.
I'm falling apart.
- Wait, what? - Earthquakes, nigga.
The bubble, bro.
I get to spend more time with Leah, that's the silver lining.
Speaking of, I finally saw Silver Linings Playbook.
Whatever happened to Bradley Cooper? He fell off after Limitless.
If I don't sell a house soon, I'ma end up like that nigga.
Then why did you buy a brand new Range? To keep up appearances, my nigga.
Wh for what, man? For who? Shit, everybody.
Mostly Leah, though.
And other bitches.
You need to upgrade your shit, by the way.
Stop embarrassing Condola driving around in your daddy's old Jaguar.
She doesn't care about that shit, man.
We're good.
Yeah, I know y'all good.
That girl got you on the path and everything.
Meetin' the Fockers and shit.
Bradley should have been in that.
It's just a Friendsgiving.
Calm down, man.
I just wish there wasn't always one piece missing, man.
It's like, if it's not the relationship, it's work.
If it's not work, then it's some other shit.
You're still doing way better than you were last year.
You were a bum.
You got money now, man.
Act like it.
You wanna buy a house? - I'ma hold off on it.
- All right.
Also, for the record, Bradley Cooper is doing great.
If you say so.
Issa? - Oh, my God, hey.
- What up? - How you doin'? - Good.
What, you watching Finding J-Kwon? Yeah, I just took a little break.
How did I not know he went missing? Spoiler alert, they found him.
Oh, that's what we doing? We spoiling stuff again? Well, you know in Coming to America, they went back to Africa.
In Love Don't Cost A Thing, shit got expensive.
Well, the best man in The Best Man, he ends up being the worst man.
Okay, well, in Set It Off, they all die except Jada.
I think.
Just tried - Who died? Jada? - Yeah.
- No, she's alive.
- Oh.
- Condola, hey.
- Hey.
We were just making jokes about movies.
Oh.
Funny.
Yeah.
Oh, sorry I stole your spot.
I just love it so much.
The music is so easy to ignore.
They play a lot of Macy Gray.
I hope she's okay, though.
Oh, I'm glad you love this place.
Oh, I was actually just leaving.
I was just finishing up! Got a matcha tea latte and a meatball sub for Issa.
- I just got some food to go.
- Order for here, Issa! Uh, well, it was so good to see you guys.
- See ya the next time.
- Oh, you, too.
Happy Thanksgiving week, y'all.
Countdown to Turkey Day.
Okay, I'm here waitin' on my aunties.
How you gonna miss three flights in one day? My family.
But a little pre-game ain't never hurt nobody.
Sorry, got to take this.
Urgent.
Hello? Kelli's hosting all her aunties? - Yup.
- Even the one who Yuuuuuup! How many of these do you usually use? - Hmm, about 12.
- For a seven-layer dip? Do you think you need that many? Because I avoca-don't.
I probably need more.
My dad inhales the shit.
Oh, so you and your dad are good.
Hell no.
It's just dip.
And I've accepted the fact that our relationship won't be the same and I'm fine with that.
Well, shit, be thankful your parents don't have new families.
Me and Ahmal got to celebrate with Stanley this year.
Your mama still with him? Delilah love her a project.
And she's obsessed with gettin' to know his kids.
Like, why can't I just overeat and binge drink with my own blood? Wait, does that mean you're not coming over for pie this year? Oh, bitch, best believe I'm comin' over, okay? I'ma eat that pie all the way out.
I'ma fuck that pie up.
I'ma fuck that pie up! You know, I've been going back and forth with this, but should I invite Andrew? I mean, we are exclusive now.
Mm, I don't know, girl.
I mean, y'all only been talking what, like, two, three months.
You gonna pull an old Molly and scare his ass away.
- What are you doin'? - I can't afford all this.
The block party's in two months and me and Condola are in the thick of it.
I don't know why you keep acting like everything's cool with that.
It is cool.
Matter of fact, I saw the two of them together yesterday.
What, like on a date? How was it? It was all love all around.
Positive vibes, good.
Loose.
I'm glad your little throuple is a success.
Bitch, you were just in a throuple with Dro yesterday.
Well, at least I wasn't fuckin' for free weed and toiletries.
Whoa, okay, what the fuck is up? - 'Cause that was unnecessary.
- You were coming for me.
And I feel like you've been coming for me.
- What's going on? - I don't know, girl.
But the last couple of months, it just feels like we've been Off.
Yeah, I know.
Should we, like, talk this out? Yeah, definitely.
I got to go check out a vendor later, but you wanna just talk at Thanksgiving? - Yeah, let's do it around pie time.
- Cool.
It's open.
Gobble, gobble, I brought a couple bottles! All right, I will let myself out, thank you.
No, don't go.
- I was just jokin'.
- I know, so was I.
You dressed up.
This is a look.
You know, I wanted to make a good impression.
Oh, hey, I thought the plumber came to fix your sink.
He canceled on me.
He showed up and was like, "Oh, you got a sink sink.
" And then left.
I mean, you know, I I could try to fix it.
You don't have to do that.
I'll just schedule someone else.
No, it's all good.
I got you.
Well, I appreciate that.
I am going to go and finish my hair, but there should be some tools underneath the sink.
- All right, cool.
- Thanks.
- Don't take long.
- I won't.
'Cause I'm quick! Welcome to "Fixing Sinks for Playas," teaching you how to lay that pipe.
Now go ahead and grip your wrench tight.
We 'bout to bust somethin' open.
- Tiff! - Hey, daddy.
This smells crazy.
Gobble the dick, gobble the dick.
Gotta gobble, turkey, gobble, ha, ha.
Gobbledy, gobbledy, got turkeys! - Hey, Mom.
- Hey.
Mwah.
What are they feeding you at that new law firm? That booty don't run in our family.
Carter women are known for our ankles.
Just say I gained weight.
Dang, ma.
- You ready to make these pies? - I been ready.
Uh, will you take the skins off those sweet potatoes for me, please? Yep, I just gottta get another bag out the car, and don't forget to make an extra crispy crust for Issa.
Uh-oh, is that Big Head I hear? Talkin' with her big mouth.
Shut up, ugly.
Hey, so good to see you, sis.
When do I get to try that famous seven-layer dip? Your nephew is hungry.
Oh, well, we're about to make some right now.
You know you still got, like, three months to jump ship, right? Why everybody keep sayin' that? - Molly.
- Hey.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey! - Fat Albert.
- Throwback.
- I didn't see you come in.
I was getting some drinks from out back.
- I got your favorites.
- Aw, Dad, man, I'm just about to lay off the sugar, but thanks.
- Hey, Curtis.
- Oh, yoink, sucker.
You dress like a swap meet mannequin.
I'm gettin' buff, too.
You see me gettin' buff.
Okay, we staying here for two hours max, then we out.
Bet.
Which twin has alopecia? Keisha.
It's so easy.
Keisha, alopecia.
Right.
Kassandra got the big tooth.
Yeah, and if Stanley starts a sentence with "Have I ever told you about?" just say yes.
- That nigga got way too many anecdotes.
- Too many.
Wait, what the fuck? Shit, Mom.
No! Oh, wait, never mind.
It's just Stanley.
I can see his neck.
- Oh, thank God.
- Mom! - Hey.
- Is everything okay? Yeah, Stanley slipped on some loose gravy.
It could have been worse, but Jesus said no.
Amen.
That's what's up.
- Sorry, Stanley.
- Thanks, y'all.
Lila, I'm ready.
- Oh! - Oh, okay, look, I'm gonna ride to the hospital with him.
But he's got some family coming and the twins are coming over.
You should stay for dinner.
Yeah? - Oh, oh, mmm, bye.
- Bye, I love you.
Baby, did I ever tell you the time I lost my hearing, but it came back stronger? - What? No.
- Yeah.
Mwah, bye, babies.
Easy, easy, easy! God damn.
Easy! - I don't fuck with adult twins.
- Bet.
This year has just been so busy, I feel like I haven't seen you guys.
Thank you for coming.
- Mm-hmm.
- Of course.
And everybody knows not to miss a Condola joint.
She's party Spike Lee.
So Condola say you're in tech.
So am I.
What do you do? Yeah, I'm in business development for Meridian.
He could also moonlight as a plumber, because he fixed my sink this morning.
I didn't know men could still fix things.
I know, right? Um, where you at? I'm a coder over at Hummingbird.
Oh, dope.
Yeah, that's the spot right now.
- Congrats.
- Thanks.
Though Meridian's going through changes, right? Yeah, it's just, you know, a bit of restructuring.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, I just found out.
But my job's safe.
I, uh, I've been thinking about moving on anyway.
- I'm sure you'll figure it out.
- Thanks.
I'm working on it.
So can I get you guys anything else? Oh, yes, tell me where did you get that shirt? It's sublime.
All right, so, Isaac, you wanna fold it like this, and then like that, so it looks like a fan.
Got it? You think you want to try one? - Yeah.
- I see you're getting your practice in.
How long you gonna make me wait? Mom, chill.
Well, is there someone in the picture, at least? There is.
I mean, we've just been hanging out.
Does he have money? Don't need you buying lunch like you used to with that one boy.
Mom, that was high school and he wasn't my boyfriend.
- He was my bully.
- What y'all used to do ain't none of my business.
What's your new man look like? Okay.
Here.
Oh! - Is he Korean? - Mom, stop.
- I can't ask questions? - What y'all doing? - Checking out Molly's new guy.
Look.
- Oh, I want to see it.
Ah, let me see it.
Oh, this is you? Is he crazy and rich? Oh! This is why I didn't wanna say nothing.
You should have brought him.
We would have been on our best behavior.
You don't think that would have been too much? Issa said that might scare him away.
You know, 'cause it's only been a couple of months.
Don't you worry about a thing.
If he's right for you, he won't think you're too much.
Don't overthink it.
Plus, look at your brothers.
They don't overthink nothin'.
Oh, you mad? Ooh.
- Mm, let me figure this out.
- All right.
Back in black, damn it, y'all! It's lit up in this house.
Look, look, look.
Okay, that's my auntie Tina right there.
Okay, that's Kelli Sr.
, she ain't fuckin' around, look.
She ain't fuckin' around.
- We eating, bitch.
- Yeah! The wait is an hour, though.
You still going to Molly's? Yeah, I'll just text her I'm gonna be late.
Okay, I'm going to the bar.
Time for that? No.
Aw, cute.
No, don't, don't do it.
Don't say it, don't say it.
Okay, say it again.
Beret.
What is so funny? Nikki, you need some water? You need some water? - Drunk Nikki? - Drunk Nikki.
Hey, so, uh, when is the wedding? Well, the goal is next year, but we haven't even found a venue yet.
Have you looked in the art galleries? They're easy to dress and then you can make them whatever you want.
No, but that's a great idea.
Condola, do you just wanna plan our wedding? I'm not interested in planning a wedding ever again.
Keep me far away from that aisle.
Actually, just put me in the overflow section.
Yeah, you know, I get it.
I uh, I never want an s-curl again.
Yo, because I burnt the shit out of my scalp.
Lawrence, no you didn't! You burned your scalp? Coco, you have to plan a funeral now, 'cause I'm fucking dead! Can't put a beret on that.
Uh, you know what? Your glass is empty.
Uh, can I get anybody else some wine? Yes, please! I'ma follow you so I can look at the back of your scalp.
Excuse me, croissant.
Ha, ha, whoo! You know, I'm also wasted.
I just present it differently.
I'm so very drunk right now.
I'm so drunk.
Oh, my god, you are so fun.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, you fun too.
Ah, good for Condola.
You're everything she needed.
- Oh, for real? - Mmm.
Yeah, how so? After Mark left her and they got divorced, she needed to let loose and have fun and get over him.
Keep it casual.
Well, I mean, that's, that's good to know.
Anyway, I'm glad she's finally doin' it.
Oh, my gosh, who brings quiche to Thanksgiving? Pascal, was that you? Hey, raspberry beret.
Oh, shit, shit.
Shit.
- Yes! - Whoo, yes.
Thank you.
About to light this shit up Ooh, it's hot.
Okay, shit.
What a crazy Thanksgiving.
Not as crazy as the Thanksgiving where Dad threw the turkey in the pool.
Talking 'bout he tripped.
Why are things always falling around Mom? He did not fall.
He tossed that shit.
Why else would he be outside with a whole-ass cooked turkey? - 'Cause Mom was wild back then.
- They both were.
I don't fuck with Stanley, but Mom and Dad were not happy.
The holidays always sucked.
At least you got to be yourself.
Remember that year I brought my "roommate," Jordan? I don't know why they acted like that.
That long-ass, pointed-ass prayer.
"Lord, thank you for your flawless pairings Sun and moon, turkey and gravy, man and woman.
" - Magnets, too.
- "I'm talking about everyone, Lord.
No one specific.
" Meanwhile, Aunt Ruby brought a full married man to Thanksgiving dinner.
Ain't nobody say shit.
Whatever happened to Jordan, by the way? I liked him.
Jordan was trash.
After him, and even Cody, I'm just done changing myself for people.
I'm just gonna be me.
Some nigga's gonna have to deal with this shit.
I saw Lawrence and his new girlfriend the other day.
What? What'd you do? I said hello, uh, got my shit to-go, and kept it pushin'.
He looked really happy.
So, you good? 'Cause that would have activated me.
I'm petty.
I mean I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me a little bit.
We were together for five years.
Yeah, you ain't been broken up that long.
I know.
But the person he is now is not the person he was with me.
- What do you mean? - Like, they were out to lunch, and I'm pretty sure he was gonna pay.
Okay, I never got that.
That's true.
Niggas don't be payin'.
Yes! I don't know, I got the nigga with potential.
You know, I got the work-in-progress.
And it took a lot of support and patience and I just I feel like she's reaping all the benefits of his time with me.
Damn.
Let me shut up 'cause I know I don't have a right to feel like that.
No, you have a right to feel however you wanna feel.
Seriously.
Fuck that nigga.
What? Did you do this? - No, did you do this? - Yo, this is kind of tight.
This is fire.
Why is there a Mexican Thanksgiving song? I don't know, but I'm feelin' it! Okay, let's go, because why? - Call the family.
- Mm-hmm.
Jerome, you're a mama's boy so you gonna be on Mom's team.
Which mom? Ha, ha, ha! I'm just playin'.
That was funny, baby.
And Stupid, as always, you're on Dad's team.
Oh, you know, we have an odd number this year.
I should probably just keep score.
Oh, man, I thought I was gonna do that.
Oh, you are, baby.
Auntie Molly's just making jokes.
Hey, Molly, can you help me in the kitchen real quick? I'll be right back.
You know what this sound means, right? Misery is what it means.
How long you gonna drag this out? - Drag what out? - You've been weird to Dad for months now.
It's pretty obvious.
Okay, well, finding out all that shit about him really messed me up, like, a lot.
I mean, you and Mom can pretend like it didn't happen, but I can't.
What do you mean Mom can pretend? It happened to her.
I get that, but I just saw that differently.
You're focusing on the negative.
You keep ignoring the part where that nigga stayed and made things right afterwards.
- Don't call Dad a nigga.
- Dads are niggas too.
Just all grown up.
I'm just sayin', he a regular-ass dude who fucked up, he owned it, and he made it right.
I guess.
Man, can we get this Taboo going? I've been trying to play this shit all fuckin' night.
Is that I love fucking Taboo.
You know I do.
Come on.
Are you sure you don't need any help cleaning up? I think we got it.
Thank you for coming.
- Later, y'all.
- You, too.
My friends loved you.
They thought you were hilarious.
Thank you for being such a great co-host.
Yeah, they're cool.
Thanks for, uh, inviting me.
What? I mean, you know, technically, I didn't invite you.
- What? - I mean, you kind of invited yourself, but I'm really glad you came.
It was way better with you here.
Wait, you weren't gonna invite me? I just didn't wanna pressure you or feel pressure.
So Drunk Nikki was right.
Oh, God, what did she say? Well, she basically said I was your fuck buddy.
- What? She said that? - Yeah.
Lawrence, I am so sorry.
She is a mess.
Why would she say that? I don't know.
She was drunk.
- But is that how you feel? - No, of course not.
Okay, it's just Look I don't know, I just, I feel like, uh like I'm learning a lot of new shit here.
- Like? - Like I didn't know you didn't want a family.
- I never said that.
- Yeah, well, you said you never wanted to get married again.
I mean, I don't.
Lawrence, I just got divorced a year and a half ago.
You know what, I get it.
It's just I'm just gonna come out and ask.
Are you still getting over your ex? How did this become about him? That is over.
Okay.
I mean, if anybody should be worried about an ex, it should probably be me.
- Come on.
- What? You and Issa have little jokes and you have the same friends.
How do you think that makes me feel? It's not like that between us.
Like, I broke up with her.
- Because she cheated.
- I still left.
- But if she hadn't.
- She hadn't what? Cheated? - Okay, she did.
- But if she hadn't.
Would you still be together? - Thanks for the ride.
- Yeah, for sure.
Gotta go to Molly's to go get this pie.
Y'all good? Yeah, we just got to have this talk.
Never mind, we good.
Just regular friend shit.
Mom said, oh, it's about Stanley.
"It's a small fracture but he's okay.
Keep him in prayer.
"And thanks for spending time with the family today.
It means a lot.
" Hm.
We should have stayed, huh? Fuck the twins.
You ain't got to do something just 'cause they say you supposed to.
- You right.
- I know.
It's what my therapist say.
Well, this was a much better Thanksgiving.
It was.
- I hate you.
- Hate you, too.
You are a bad loser.
So you ready to get smacked again? Ah, you want to play again? I don't really feel like winning again tonight.
- Wow! - What? Your eyebrows went in there extra strong.
Oh, they're extra strong.
I want to assure the good people of Los Angeles that we are doing everything in our power to ensure the safe return of this lost Toyota.
Sir, again, this is the case about the missing African-American girl, LaToya Thompson.
Not a missing vehicle.
No further comment at this time.
Sir.
Sir! Another beautiful Thanksgiving with my beautiful baby at the bar.
Say hey, Leah.
She wanna act mad.
That was my cousin's sister, baby, don't be crass.
Anyways, happy Thanksgiving, niggas.
Be blessed.
We got yams oh, shit.
I wonder who that is.
Who comin' to Thanksgiving? Get your ass in here with your Crown Royal.
Trina in the house.
Hey, hey.
Look at this little cutie here.
Don't mind if I do.
Happy Turkey Day, fam.
Gobble the dick, gobble the dick.
Oh, shit! I'm going.
Okay.
I'm gonna just circle round the block one more time.
Has Molly said something to you? About what? She's been on my neck lately.
You'd tell me if she was ugly, right? Girl, of course not.
When I am struggling, my man gets it.
I get that you have a lot of work, but I'm just trying to figure out where I fit in.
That's my little angel right here.
Do you want to hold her? Uh I just dropped a burrito earlier today.
Then hell no.