Jersey Shore s04e03 Episode Script
Twinning
- Deena definitely has a crush on Pauly, and deena can die happy now.
- I feel like we're very close, and you can tell me anything.
- Like very, very close.
- Mm-hmm.
- Me and Snooki were drunk one night in L.
A.
, and we sorta had sex.
We've hooked up before, and I care for you more than a friend.
Three weeks.
I'm gonna have a very nice guest.
- So Ron has a backup chick.
Her name is Hannah.
Ron is going to fly this girl out.
- Ronnie was so funny last night.
He's like, "I've got like five girls coming to the house right now.
" [Get crazy by lmfao.]
Dj Pauly delvecchio! - I'm going to the Jersey shore, bitch! - All right, we got a situation.
- I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.
[Laughing.]
- After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.
Go Vinny! Go Vinny! You like the boobs? If you wanna have fun and do something crazy my mistakes - I need my shirt.
Something I remember when - I'll be right back.
Just stay right there.
I have to call a cab.
remember when it goes Just go.
- Brittany is one of the most dtf chicks I've ever met, and now I'm just like exhausted.
[Bleep.]
! - What up, snook? - Do you wanna go to the gym with me? - I need to eat something.
- You wanna go get something - and then go to the gym? - Yeah, that's fine.
It's almost like me and snook are alike right now.
We're dedicated to working out.
We're dedicated to drinking and having a good time.
- You got a map? - You're asking me? I get lost in a paper bag.
It's you.
- This is gonna be fun.
- I don't know how to read the map.
I'm supposed to be wearing glasses.
But I'm not doing that, because I'll look really ugly.
Um Wait.
It's not this block.
This isn't the street.
- I'm gonna punch you.
- I'm gonna punch myself.
There's no numbers.
We're going the wrong way.
- Right? - This is embarrassing.
- Yeah, we gotta go this way.
- I can't read a map.
Ron can't read a map because, you know Ron's Ron.
- [Bleep.]
.
Let's just walk, and we'll see a restaurant.
Oh, wait, here we go.
Sit outside.
Ciao.
Can I have a sparkling water? - I'm getting wine.
Pinot grig? - You're gonna drink and then go work out? - Of course.
Wine in Italy for me is legit like a cup of coffee for normal people.
So when are you going out to dinner with Sam? - I know she's gonna want to talk tonight.
If we go out, I'm not doing it.
- Yeah.
- Not gonna - Do it tomorrow.
It's definitely needed, though.
I just feel like they're meant for each other.
Them fighting and like kissing and making up, I mean, that's just Ron and Sam.
I mean, it's so weird without it.
- I miss herYou know.
I broke up with her in January.
And you guys didn't have sex? We gotta do it the right way.
Just like [Bleep.]
Already.
- [Laughing.]
- I want you guys to have sex.
- Before it was like, get away from each other, now she's like, "just [Bleep.]
Already.
" - Yeah.
'Cause I know you both want to.
You trust her? - I'm getting there.
I just don't wanna fall back into the same pattern that happened in Jersey.
Me and Sam, we're avoiding the conversation that, like, we need to have, and either be like, are you moving on, am I moving on? Are there feelings there? Are we gonna explore Italy together? - Well, you take her out to dinner tomorrow.
- Yeah.
We'll see what happens.
I love this cafe.
Grazie.
- Deena is on a mission to find a frickin' Italian man.
And I'm gonna do it.
Ciao.
Good.
How are you? - You speak italia? - I know little words.
You say just grazie? - I know grazie.
I know prego.
He's cute.
- You want me to be your wing woman? Deena needs love.
So we're on a mission to find her like the number one Italian husband.
- Do you have a girlfriend? - No.
- Oh, nice! - You're lying! My waiter's a lean cuisine.
But he has a nice smile, straight teeth.
Perfecto.
Do you have a phone number? - Yeah.
- Do you want me to have your phone number? [Speaking italian.]
- Ellis.
- Oh, Ellis.
- Ellis.
- Grazie.
- [Speaking Italian.]
So I'll call you tonight.
From the minute I left home, I said I wanna find a cute Italian lean cuisine that speaks good English and understands me.
- Ciao.
- Ciao.
He may be a good match for you.
- He actually speaks well English.
Yeah.
- Ready, snook? - [Belches.]
- This way.
- This way? I don't know.
[Speaking Italian.]
- I don't know what the [Bleep.]
You're saying.
Bella? - Beautiful.
- Me? - Yeah.
Grazie! - [Speaking italian.]
- Huh? Even though I didn't know what the instructor was saying [Speaking Italian.]
[Bleep.]
.
I got a good workout.
Eew! I feel your weiner! - Okay.
- I feel your weiner.
I'm not kidding.
Ron, shut up.
- A little creepy.
Grr! Unh! - Wine.
Bleh.
Ron, he like almost touched my [Bleep.]
.
- He's nice, he's just creepy.
- Very creepy.
- Ciao.
- Ciao.
Grazie.
- Ciao.
- Now it's time to get drunk.
[Both laughing.]
[Cheers and applause.]
It's 11:1947.
At 53, you better meet me at the foosball table.
- You don't want none of this, brother.
You don't wanna ruin your night already.
- Oh! - Oh, I got that a-going! Pauly.
- What? - Are we walking or cabbing? - We're not the leaders.
Why are you asking us? You guys are jerks.
[Both laughing.]
- Yo, run it back, son.
- We gotta go do our thing.
- Yo, we can play for like two hours, and they still won't be ready.
- I got my mind - [Speaking Italian.]
Okay, grazie.
[Speaking Italian.]
- What's that mean? - The taxis are here.
- Hey! - Is your girlfriend.
Coming out tonight, Michael? She said that her twin sister wants to join in the festivities.
That's just disgusting.
- It's [Bleep.]
Every guy's dream.
Now that you're independent hey, the best I've ever seen you wanna be the best in the land problems are something that you need and you know it's true Oh, God, where are my girls? Oh, my God.
Twilight zone.
- Bellissima.
- Ahh! If I have a boyfriend, I'm gonna be loyal to you.
I'm still gonna go out and have a good time.
Grazie.
But I'm committed now, so I party a different way.
[Humming.]
Whoo! I was about to slap you in the face! Ronnie is being awesome.
He's having fun, living his life.
Ronnie's being the Ronnie that I fell in love with.
Look what I found! Look what I found.
- Where were you? - I wandered.
- I'm not jealous.
I'm not anything.
I just want you to have fun in Florence, Italy.
Ya know? - Okay.
That's fine.
I am having fun.
You having fun? Yeah, but I miss you.
I'm not going anywhere.
Listen, I'm good to you.
- Why do you always want to have this conversation when we're drunk? - Tomorrow afternoon.
I promise you.
- Wanna go on the dance floor? - Hell, yeah.
- Yeah! - Aah! I see Ellis, and I'm like Yay! Like he's cute out of his little waiter uniform.
You're so cute! Right here.
- Wow, he showed up for her.
I'm actually glad.
Where's deena? - I thought deena was over there.
Aah! - Deena the whole night is just Jersey turnpiking him, making out with him, totally clubbing it up in the club tonight.
- Firenze! - Firenze! Wait.
Is firenze in Florence? - Yeah.
- Okay.
I have to sleep in your bed, 'cause deena's [Bleep.]
In my room! - Wait a second.
I'll be right back.
If you guys [Bleep.]
A girl, I wouldn't give a [Bleep.]
! - Mike told people about what you guys did.
Oh Dude! I see that.
Twinning.
- We're twins.
- Are you really? How old are you? - When you got twins, it's cool.
I mean, so you're winning.
But you're twinning, 'cause you got two twin chicks.
- I guarantee that I'll bring you and your sister home.
I pretty much tell Brittany and Erica that they're definitely coming home with The Situation.
It's just walk away and meet me later, okay? And that is my backup plan.
Don't go that way.
Don't go that way.
- Why? - The twins are that way.
- Aah! Deena! She's making out.
Where's the exit? - Deena, come on.
Let's go.
You wanna come? - Yeah.
Okay, let's go.
- I had a girl waiting for me outside.
What the [Bleep.]
? I might as well jump in this [Bleep.]
Cab right now and call Brittany when I get [Bleep.]
Back.
- How do you say, like, an easy girl? - Easy girl? Okay.
Semplice.
- I'm not that.
- Okay, okay, I know, I know.
I just wanna cuddle.
- And kiss? - Mm-hmm.
Kissing is allowed.
- Right here.
Come.
- Yo.
She wants to get it in.
[Bleep.]
.
- Snooki, can I just use the phone one second just to ask a question? - No.
I'm talking to my father.
Shut up.
- Oh.
Oh, my God.
All I want is just ten ten seconds.
- All right, dad, I'll call you back after Mike tries tget his Booty call in.
Thank you, thank you.
Come here.
No, stop.
I love you.
Come here, stand up.
I'm not standing up.
Call your girl, and that's it.
No.
Stop.
Stop.
- Whoa.
Eew.
- I love you.
- All right, call her.
- I don't really want to call her.
I really want you, but - I don't know what you're trying to do right now, butI'm not in it at all.
- I really do care about you.
You know that.
It's just because you have a boyfriend I'm calling other girls.
Mike, shut up.
- If you didn't have a boyfriend, it'd be different.
- Mike, you're crazy.
- You know, I love Mike, he's my friend, but I'm not gonna hook up with Mike.
I think he knows that, and he's just trying to start drama.
- Brittany, call me back when you get this message.
I just got home.
All right, bye.
[Hangs up.]
Oh, yeah, get it in! - We'll be right here eating popcorn while you guys get it in.
- Leave them alone! - We'll be right here! - We'll be right here.
Deena, we're leaving.
We're leaving.
- Okay, no.
So Bella.
- [Speaking italian.]
Smush room, not [Bleep.]
This room.
- I come off as like a hard exterior and like I can take when the boys pick on me.
Now I'm like I am very sensitive.
- Do your thing! - I'm gonna [Bleep.]
Kill them.
- Yo, I have to sleep in your bed, 'cause deena's [Bleep.]
In my room! Stop being a hater, son.
- Bro, it's called the smush room, dude.
- Where the [Bleep.]
Am I supposed to sleep? - Just wait one second.
Wait one second.
I'll be right back.
First of all, I'm not doing sex, so [Bleep.]
Get real.
- Well, stop wasting his time then.
- I'm just [Bleep.]
Cuddling with this guy, so don't talk [Bleep.]
.
- Cuddling with him in the smush room! - I should never room - Go! - Go! Get the [Bleep.]
Out of here! She walks in and [Bleep.]
! - I'm waiting outside for you to go cuddle with the dude.
- It's my room too! - So go get your dude and Okay, so don't talk [Bleep.]
! - Why am I fighting with the [Bleep.]
Wall right now? Don't [Bleep.]
Talk to me! - How disrespectful are you? - What's the problem? I'm sleeping on a bench here! - If you guys [Bleep.]
A girl, I wouldn't give a [Bleep.]
! I wouldn't give a [Bleep.]
! - I'm sleeping on a bench for you right now.
I don't give a [Bleep.]
! - Stop it.
She likes this person.
Sorry.
I hate them.
- I'm gonna go home.
- No, you don't go home.
No, you don't go home.
- Why I don't go home? No, 'cause you stay with me.
[Phone rings.]
- Hello? - Is Mike there? Huh? - Is Mike there? - Um [Hangs up.]
[Phone rings.]
Pronto.
- This is Brittany.
- Oh, what's up, girl? This is Vinny.
Check this out.
I'm madly, deeply in love with you.
Is Mike there? Excuse me? After all I just told you? This relationship's through.
Idiot.
Mike, Brittany called.
[Phone rings.]
- Hello.
- Hi, is Mike there? - Who's calling? - Brittany.
Who was that? - Brittany.
- Are you kidding me? - Mike, can we change our number? - I think we have a new stalker, and she's twins.
[Phone rings.]
Oh, [Bleep.]
.
Yo, Ronnie, you gotta get the phone, bro.
- All right, you want me to do it? - Pronto.
- What are you doing? Hold on.
- Yeah, The Situation.
- What? - It's Mike.
- Oh, hi.
What are you doing? These [Bleep.]
Stalker twins keep calling the house for Mike, so I decided to play a prank on Mike.
- Are you guys gonna hang out with me? - Yeah, we can hang out if you want.
Um - Um - Come with your sister and meet me at the house.
Like an hour? - Okay, that sounds good.
Okay.
- Bye-bye.
- Is she really coming? - She's really gonna come.
[Laughs.]
- Yeah, buddy.
Mike is in bed sleeping right now.
He has no idea what's about to happen.
I didn't think Ronnie had it in him, but he came up with a good prank.
Okay, let's go.
We can go eat.
[Laughs.]
- I turn around and I see Whoa, whoa, whoa.
The twins.
I get to walk in the middle.
- If you're gonna try for something, two hot twins and a threesome's worth trying for.
Well, we can start now.
Deena.
[Doorbell rings.]
- What the hell goes on in this house? [Beep.]
- I was waiting for you.
- I'm sorry, babe.
I "misses" you.
- I didn't go out.
- You didn't? - No.
- What the [Bleep.]
? - What? - What the hell? - What are you saying? Nothing.
Why are they here right now? It's daytime.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Guess who? [Laughs.]
Um I turn around, and I see the twins.
- The twins.
- Hey, guys, how are you? And I was like, oh, my God, they found me.
[Laughs.]
Wow.
Um, I didn't even say hello to you.
Hi.
- Hi.
You told me to come in an hour.
I feel bad you're not ready.
- No, that's okay.
Hi.
- Hey.
- How are you? - Good.
- Uh, yeah.
You know what? Um, if you guys want, you can wait, um, in here.
I have no idea how they got there, but, uh, I just go with the flow and say, "all right, girls, I guess we're going out for breakfast.
" Pronto, pronto.
- Chill right here and just give me a couple of minutes to get dressed.
I'm so confused right now.
- How's your beard? What's up, buddy? Yo, jenni.
[Laughs.]
Oh - [Laughs.]
- Yeah.
[Laughing.]
Dude, who did this? [Laughs.]
- I was getting dressed, and all of a sudden the two twins walked in, and I'm like, I didn't like invite 'em.
I mean, I don't remember, you know, inviting them.
- She's crazy.
Like, they're really waiting.
- I know they are.
- On the couch, waiting.
I know they are.
- She wants to know where she can put her toothbrush.
[Laughter.]
- Thanks, dog.
- You're welcome, homey.
- I'll be honest with you, twins are not a bad deal.
They're really not a bad deal.
- If you've got to try for something, two hot twins and a threesome's worth trying for.
If I pull your hair, will she feel it? - You can try it on her.
[Laughs.]
- You bitch.
- I'm kidding.
- If she's a bitch, then you're a bitch.
[Laughter.]
- Come on, girls, let's go.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Ciao.
- We'll go get food, then we'll walk through the market.
Breakfast? Mike definitely has an agenda and he has a secret motive with these twins.
- Hey, I get to walk in the middle.
- Because Mike never takes girls out on dates, especially in the daytime.
You said you're a virgin.
- She is.
- It's it's cool to be a it's cool.
Own it.
- A threesome is not an easy task to accomplish, but then again, The Situation does the impossible, and I think I can get it done.
- I need a drink.
[Laughs.]
Well, we can start now.
[Laughs.]
We can start now.
[Bell tolling.]
D, it's so nice up here.
The restaurant is in a complete romantic spot.
It's on a rooftop.
You can watch the sun set.
I kind of got butterflies.
Like, you're not really romantic, Ron, and you're taking me there? So I'm excited.
So - You wanted to talk, so - I just feel like I haven't really been able to talk to you since I've been here.
I'm listening.
- Okay, but let me be hon I feel I feel like I'm not that girl from Jersey and I think, like, I know what I want in my life.
And I'm letting you do you and, like, I'm giving you trust that you wouldn't bring back a girl or, like, hurt me, and you haven't yet.
- What more could you want from a guy? I hung out with the guys the whole night.
- I want you to hang out with them.
- But do you get where I'm coming from? I'm kind of torn because it's like, I kind of want to be with Sam, but I want Sam to be this girl.
- I'm a completely changed person.
I like who I am.
- So no more bull[Bleep.]
.
No more, like, [Bleep.]
Nonsense.
- I don't want you to worry 'cause, like, I'm not ever gonna hurt you.
If you want to me with me, like, yeah, like, I'm here.
Like, I've obviously been here.
- All right, so then We'll give it a shot.
Well, how do you feel? - Well, obviously, I love you, Sam.
[Chuckles.]
I miss that feeling of holding you and, like, being with you.
- I guess that we should start over.
Okay.
Look how romantical that is.
[Belches.]
- I feel like, uh, like, this is heaven.
I haven't felt this happy in, like, 20 years.
I'm not even kidding you.
You sure you're happy? - Yeah.
Living in the moment and all your hopes arrive today - I guess this means Ron and Sam are back together.
[Bell tolling.]
- You need a mint.
Do you have any altoids? - I need a m I need a mint? - Do you have an altoid? You need one.
[Laughs.]
- Hey, guys, deena's making out with the twin right now.
- What the hell? This is a full-blown lesbi-honest experience right now.
We hooked up two months ago.
You're psycho! - Two months ago.
- You're psycho! They say we're crazy 'cause we act like we do they say it's meaningless This is the first time I've seen you smile in a long time.
- With Sam I feel like this time is gonna be different.
I definitely feel like we can move forward from the past.
- How was dinner? - Good.
- I think it's definitely weird that I miss Ron and Sam's drama, because when they don't fight it's just like this is boring, like I need something! Did you have a good talk? - Yeah.
Things are good.
And? - Working it out.
- And? Back together.
- You are? - Yeah.
- Ohh - No fighting this time, though.
- Oh, dear.
And the games begin.
- No, no, no.
None of that this time.
- So you're legit like a couple.
- Yep.
- Can I tell everyone? [Laughs.]
If you want.
- I'm not kidding.
- I'd rather come back and beat you.
- You'd rather, but That's not gonna happen.
Game.
Three in a row.
Three in a row.
[Laughing.]
Just came out.
- Uh-oh.
He has the black v-neck on.
- Uh-oh.
- You know what that means! - Yeah, buddy.
- Black v-neck.
- Conservative Ronnie I'll tell you what it means.
He's with Sam.
Ha ha ha ha! Yo, he's changing it! Conservative Ronnie he's a wonderful guy Ron and Sam are back together, and we set ourselves back months and months of progress.
Did you ask Sam first? "Sam, can I get changed?" - [Laughing.]
She's back in black, bro.
She's not wearing colors anymore! - Oh, my God, she was wearing colors all year! Conservative Sammi she's a wonderful girl - I said if Ron and Sam get back together after all the [Bleep.]
'S said and done, I will kill myself.
When you're thinking suicide on sebody else's relationship, that's how bad it is.
[Laughs.]
- When they're together, they both wear black.
It's like a funeral.
- [Laughing.]
- Oh, yeah, we gotta call taxis.
Don't do it, jerk.
- [Barking.]
- Oh, God, I hate him.
Good to go.
Dude, I'm mad horny.
- Are you going to have sex with Ron tonight? - We're taking it slow.
- Oh, so slow sex? [Laughs.]
[Dance music.]
- We're in Italy right now.
In case you're wondering.
Flo is the best time.
Straight Jersey style, taking up the middle of the dance floor.
Fist pumping, beating up the beat, and we're having an amazing time.
light up the stage [Overlapping yelling.]
Light up the stage, yeah - We straight up took over an Italy club Totally out of our element, with all different Italian people And we got it popping.
- You know you cannot stop me I'm climbing mountains in heat Flo turned everything around.
The girls are enjoying themself now for once.
The guys are enjoying themself, so I'm like, "yo, that's what's up.
" It reminds me of the first time in Jersey.
[Whooping, cheering.]
Oh, no! I turn around, I see both twins.
I'm like, holy [Bleep.]
.
Stalkers.
What the hell? - Party foul.
- That's like a double stalker.
- We have reached a new level of stalker.
Twin sandwich.
But, uh, The Situation adapts to handle all types of crazy things.
There's always a hotter twin.
Who's the hotter twin? - [Both talking at once.]
You want me to be real? I think you.
You have different eyes than she does.
But you're both beautiful.
That was wrong of me.
- Yeah.
You shouldn't have said that.
We're all just like hanging out by the bar, and I finally get to talk to the twins.
Twinning! So when they like do it, you don't like go in and like sit there and watch? Um, well, I have before.
- I'm trying to set up a threesome with the two girls and Mike.
Mike's cool, so you should [Bleep.]
Mike.
No.
I don't know.
Shots! SnookiAh.
Thank God.
- I'm not gonna lie.
I'm a virgin.
- Huh? - She's a virgin.
[Laughs.]
No, you're not.
- Her sister her sister's not.
She is.
- I don't believe that, 'cause she's like really hot.
But, you know, she's a virgin.
All right, you're a virgin.
And the other one, she's like a big whore.
- I'm in love right now.
His name's jionni and he's from Jersey, and he's gonna come visit and I'm gonna like [.]
His [.]
Off.
- Foul.
- [Laughs.]
When we get home, you know, we'll figure everything out, okay? I put the groundwork in with these twins, and looks like I'm gonna have a little threesome tonight.
- Can we go? - I think we're ready to go.
Right? When we get home, we'll figure everything out, okay? Okay.
- Stop, stop, stop.
- I like Erica.
- Then all of a sudden deena goes, "no, she's mine.
" She's yours? - You're too attached to your sister.
- Seriously.
- Let her live.
- Seriously, let me live my life.
- This girl Erica just seems like a blast in the glass like me.
She likes to party.
She likes to dance.
You're cute.
You're a good time.
I even saw that earlier.
I was like, Erica is the hotter twin.
- Is she sleeping in your bed tonight? Yeah.
- I don't like it.
I don't like it.
- Hey, guys Deena's making out with the twin right now.
What the hell? - When you're drunk, sometimes you kiss girls.
- This is not a playful friend kiss friend thing or however girls do.
This is the full-blown lesbi-honest experience right now.
- Deena pulled a robbery hardcore.
- They're [Bleep.]
Gonna bang each other.
What the hell? - Deena's [Bleep.]
Blocked me before but never took a girl and hooked up with her herself.
[Laughing.]
- You're telling everybody that I cheated on jionni with you.
Why would you even say that? Where did you wh What the hell? Erica! - They're [Bleep.]
Gonna bang each other.
- I don't like it.
I don't like it.
It was supposed to be a menage-a-twin with me and the twins.
I was supposed to be twinning, and then it turned into a robbery by Deena And my own menage-arie, it went awry.
- We're gonna go.
Don't worry about it.
Let's go.
- Right, now, I'm I'm a little upset but not too upset, because I still have one twin.
Go, go.
Turn the music is on.
Makeout dibs! You're goin' under - You're with me, and that's it.
G- g-generation of the poor Gonna be les-bionic tonight.
- Whoa.
It's not the worst thing on earth, like bringing home a girl.
It's just not something I normally do.
They're a virgin, baby girl.
- You made that up.
- Isn't that embarrassing? I know it's embarrassing.
- How cute is she? - If I saw you in a bar and I wanted to be les-bionic, I'd make out with you.
You guys are too nice! Damn! - No, I'm not nice at all.
- No - But I'm being honest.
[Laughs.]
I wouldn't say I'm a lesbian, but I guess bi-curious.
I don't think I'd ever date a girl, 'cause I really, really love penis.
But I have fun.
Let's go play.
Where where at? In the room.
- Just lay in my bed.
Lay in my bed.
Sure.
Perfect! - Just lay down.
Please? - I have to pee.
- I have to pee too.
- Go pee first, then I'll go.
- Okay.
- I'll be right back, okay? - Okay.
- Stay there.
This is my bed.
- Where's your girl? - Put her in my room, and I'm making out with her.
- Just left her in your room? - Yeah.
I mean, I'll bring her out with you.
- I don't feel like Conversating.
- He told me a story the other day that I don't want to repeat.
- Tell me.
About what? About a couple months ago.
Him and snook You serious? But what did he tell you? - That she cheated on him, on jionni.
Wow.
That's a dog right there.
- And he specifically said that he cheated.
Specifically said like - I'm nna tell you something.
Nobody knows about this.
And you can't tell it to anybody.
Me and Snooki WeWe kinda hooked up.
- I [Bleep.]
Told on Mike.
Yeah.
Make ratted me out in [Bleep.]
Miami.
Mike ratted me out in [Bleep.]
Jersey.
So what guy code is there between me and Mike? There is no guy code.
You should tell Nicole.
- It's disgusting.
I'm gonna tell her right now.
[Exhales.]
I'm disappointed kind of a little bit in deena.
I don't know.
- Why? - I don't know.
Because like When I wanted to go hook up with a girl, she went whoosh! I'm like, wow.
She's like I think she's like Selfish.
Ha ha.
What's everybody eating? - Go over there and get a little plate.
- Aah! I can't do it.
What if I started making out with you right now? - What would I think? I don't know.
I thought she was gonna get with Mike.
I thought she was gonna get with deena.
I don't know who this girl's gonna get with, but somehow, she ends up on top of me.
- Do you wanna go to sleep now? - Yeah.
What the hell? What the hell? I was hooking up with this girl the entire night.
I brought her home, okay? Knowing I was hooking up with this girl the entire night, Vinny decides to hook up with this girl.
So I said, no, she's coming into my bed.
She wants to cuddle with me.
- [Bleep.]
Yeah! - Deena did hook up with this girl first, but the girl was in my bed, and I was mid-hookup with her.
That's weird, though.
She just jumps from bed to bed.
Even if I pulled a robbery, you don't pull the double robbery, you know what I mean? One second.
Get up on second.
Down.
- Oh - Are you okay? - No, you have to put your pants on to get into my bed.
- I have pants on.
Trust me.
- Deena's [Bleep.]
Blocked me before, but Never took the girl and hooked up with her herself.
Okay.
I'm back.
- [Laughing.]
- I'm back to The Situation.
- So you gonna smash this chick tonight, or - I don't know.
I don't know.
- Might as well.
She's in your bed.
- But likeI didn't want to bring her home because like I'm the type of person that's like I'm not gonna cross you, you know what I mean? - Hey, can I talk to Nicole for a second by myself? There's an emergency.
I just need to talk to Nicole.
- What? What do you mean, emergency? Don't say that.
You're scaring me.
- Mike told people about what you guys did.
Everyone.
- We didn't do anything.
- No.
He told everyone.
Everyone.
- We didn't do anything.
I was so [Bleep.]
Pissed off, because I thought I could trust everybody in the house, so what the hell is going on right now? He gave all your details.
- What [Bleep.]
Details? - He gave details.
He's psycho! - But it's not like details of like, "oh, we hooked up a couple months ago.
" There was details that say, "I [Bleep.]
Nicole, and she cheated on jionni.
" Oh.
:.
I'm gonna cry right now.
No.
- Handle that.
That's your boy.
- Mike is a big [Bleep.]
Fat liar.
I have never hooked up with him.
And the fact that I was there for him as a friend, I mean You're a [Bleep.]
Ass[Bleep.]
.
Dude! [Bleep.]
Mike! - What? - What is wrong with you? - Wait - No! I'm not gonna come here.
- What? - [Bleep.]
Stay right here.
You're telling everybody that I cheated on jionni with you.
Why would you even say that? - Where did you Where who came up with this? - I am I am [Bleep.]
Friends with you.
You're telling everybody in the house! - No, I didn't tell anybody.
- Yes, you did.
Because everyone's telling me right now.
- No, no, I didn't tell everybody in the house.
- Okay, well, obviously you're lying right now, because you know how [Bleep.]
Much I love jionni.
I'm not [Bleep.]
Dealing with that [Bleep.]
.
That's done.
I don't want to be friends with you, I don't like you.
I can't even look at you right now.
Done.
[Dramatic music.]
- I'm a little disappointed that you told everybody.
- You better shut your [Bleep.]
Mouth.
You're a [Bleep.]
Snitch.
This is all [Bleep.]
Up.
I swear to God, if I lose jionni over this [Bleep.]
, I am killing Mike.
- I want nothing to do with you.
I was a [Bleep.]
Friend in the house - I'm not gonna lie - And I'm done.
- I'm not gonna lie.
- You're a [Bleep.]
Ass[Bleep.]
.
- Everybody knows The Situation is not a liar, and The Situation If a girl rejects me, I'll say it, you know? I've never lied.
I'm not gonna lie.
- Mike, get over it.
- I'm not gonna lie.
- Nothing happened.
I'm not gonna lie.
You are lying about me hooking up recently with you.
We hooked up two months ago.
- You're a psycho! - Two months ago.
- You're [Bleep.]
Psycho.
- Two months ago.
- Get over it.
- I'm not gonna lie.
- Nothing happened.
- I'm not gonna lie.
- No, you're an ass[Bleep.]
.
Because the only person that wants to be friends with you, that wants to talk to you in the house, is me.
And you are a [Bleep.]
Ass[Bleep.]
.
Dude, you have no friends in the house.
Mike, you're a [Bleep.]
Douche bag, and I [.]
Hate you.
I [.]
Hate you.
For once, no drama with me, and it feels [Bleep.]
Amazing.
- You know how much I [Bleep.]
Love jionni, and the fact that you would say something like that You are a [.]
.
I don't like you.
- I didn't lie.
- This is [Bleep.]
Embarrassing.
- This was two months ago.
- No, no.
This was two months ago.
- MikeSeriously.
- Two months ago.
- I haven't seen Mike in two months.
I don't know what the [Bleep.]
He's talking about.
- I don't lie.
- Don't [Bleep.]
Talk to me.
- Listen, listen, listen, I'm I don't lie.
Everybody in this house knows I don't lie, okay? - RonReally? - I don't lie.
- Nicole's flipping out on Mike right now, saying that it's not true, and it's like it's kinda good, 'cause I wanna know if it's true or not.
I wanna know if Mike's lying or if Mike's telling the truth.
- I swear on anything in this world.
- Dude, I'm alone once again.
Thank you.
- The reason why you're walking away is because - No, because you're [Bleep.]
.
You're [Bleep.]
Psycho! This crossed the line.
Like I always say, if you [Bleep.]
With my friends, me and my relationship with my boyfriend, or my family, it's done.
- Listen, do you want me to describe exactly what happened? - [Bleep.]
You, Mike! - Do you want me to describe exactly what happened? - You're such a [Bleep.]
Ass[Bleep.]
.
I cannot [Grunts.]
Mmm! - So I'm hooking up with Erica, and I'm into it, having a blast.
Hey, put those on.
I can't.
- Then I get freaked out.
This is not me.
This is not what I do.
I like penis.
You can go right there.
So I was like, whatever.
Erica, go on.
You can go into Vinny's bed now.
So she wound up ending the night with Vinny.
I'm bad! - Oh, man! [Laughs.]
Why would he do that to me? You want my advice, snook? If it's true? It's not true.
- If if I'm not accusing anybody - I will tell you what the [Bleep.]
Happened.
- Okay.
- Not even two months ago.
[Bleep.]
A while back ago.
- Yeah.
- He was with unit, and you know how unit is.
Ryder and unit got together.
Mike wanted to hook up with me, and I said n he got [Bleep.]
Pissed off, and he went outside on the balcony.
'Cause I wouldn't hook up with him.
And that's it.
- Snooki may have cheated.
You don't know who to believe.
It's like Snooki's gonna say no, because she doesn't wanna lose her boyfriend, and then Mike's gonna say yes 'cause he doesn't wanna look like a liar.
The only two people that know were the people that were there.
I don't like Know what happened, but - I just told you what happened.
- I know.
For jionni's sake, what you do is woman up.
Tell him the whole [Bleep.]
Scenario that happened, and it's better to hear it from you Believe me.
Look at me.
Than find out like the way I did.
- God, he's such a [Bleep.]
.
- You know why? Because finding out this way is gonna [Bleep.]
With you so much longer in the long run.
- I didn't do anything wrong for me to be [Bleep.]
.
- So tell jionni.
Tell him the [Bleep.]
Scenario.
- I don't understand why Mike would do that.
Now it's done.
Done.
- You know I don't lie.
- I cannot [grunts.]
Mm! You know I don't lie, and I'm a little disappointed that you told people.
- I didn't say nothing - I asked for your I asked for your opinion.
- I didn't say nothing to her.
Listen, you better shut your [Bleep.]
Mouth, 'cause you're a [Bleep.]
Snitch.
Like how many times have you [Bleep.]
Caused trouble with me and my [Bleep.]
Girlfriend and sat back and just [Bleep.]
Sparked a fuse? I told jenni what you told me, and I feel like - Okay.
- You know that it was gonna come - I'm a I'm a I'm a little up - You know that it was gonna come out no matter what.
- I told Ronnie in confidence, and all of a sudden, he immediately tells jenni when he's drunk? LikeLt's not cool.
I entrusted you with a huge, huge secret.
You knew I was sincere.
- I'm not saying you aren't sincere, but you bringing home different girls is not being sincere.
- B-but this th What happened with me and her was two months ago.
You know I don't lie.
I- I didn't say you lied.
I didn't sit there and say you [Bleep.]
Lied, bro.
- I-I - I didn't say you [Bleep.]
Lied.
- I'm a little disappointed in you.
- With Mike, you never know what his intentions are.
I don't know if what he's saying is true or if he's just trying to be the instigator.
- What, you didn't believe me? - I didn't say no, no.
Did I say that? - Did you guys not believe me? - No, no, no.
- I said I believe you.
- By telling Ronnie - Where is everybody? - The closest we're very close, you know what I mean? Oh, my God, now I have this chick running around.
- Get them out of here.
Just get rid of them.
'Cause we gotta deal with this [Bleep.]
.
- Just just - Just come and hold me.
- Just lay down.
Just lay down.
- They need to get the [Bleep.]
Out.
- Lay down.
Just lay down.
It's called guilty conscience, so we're gonna see what Snooki does.
The truth will come out.
The truth will set you free, Snooki.
This is all [Bleep.]
Up.
This [Bleep.]
Is not gonna ruin what I have.
- Look at me.
You did nothing wrong.
We're gonna fix this.
I call bull[Bleep.]
.
I see through your game.
It's not gonna work.
Nicole loves jionni.
Move on.
- I swear to God, if I lose jionni over this [Bleep.]
, I am killing Mike.
- You're not.
Jionni loves you too much.
Listen, no offense to jionni, but if he wants to take his word over yours, then let jionni walk.
But I know jionni better than that, and he's not going to.
Jionni loves you.
You'll be okay.
And listen, no offense, jionni will not leave you over Mike [Bleep.]
Talking [Bleep.]
.
Mike's talking [Bleep.]
.
- But he's such a douche bag.
Why would he do that to me? I'm sorry.
- I know that I got a big personality and a strong magnetism too but it often seems to keep good people away from me I don't know why that is I keep them to my left, I keep them to my right always making sure that the attention is ne sometimes I give a drink just to keep them satisfied and sometimes I get a kick out of wasting their time people on the street, please give it up for mister big personality and his staff papa, I'm ambitious DreiMarc + Subsfreak - I'm not losing jionni over this bull[Bleep.]
.
- It's gonna be rough when you first tell him.
- I need to tell jionni what's going on.
He told all the roommates that we had sex.
Talk to me, please.
- I think she would.
- Take it easy, take it easy.
- I felt like I was being judged.
- You would never [Bleep.]
Block anybody in this [Bleep.]
House.
You've [Bleep.]
Changed.
- I'm actually glad that the drama has nothing to do with us.
It's been like less than 24 hours since Ron and me got together.
- [Bleep.]
You.
- I'm like, oh, great.
Ron and Sam.
Then I hear Mike.
- I don't give a [Bleep.]
! N't [Bleep.]
A relationship.
You [Bleep.]
Serious? - And I'm likeUh-oh.
- Let's do it! - Stop! Let's do it!
- I feel like we're very close, and you can tell me anything.
- Like very, very close.
- Mm-hmm.
- Me and Snooki were drunk one night in L.
A.
, and we sorta had sex.
We've hooked up before, and I care for you more than a friend.
Three weeks.
I'm gonna have a very nice guest.
- So Ron has a backup chick.
Her name is Hannah.
Ron is going to fly this girl out.
- Ronnie was so funny last night.
He's like, "I've got like five girls coming to the house right now.
" [Get crazy by lmfao.]
Dj Pauly delvecchio! - I'm going to the Jersey shore, bitch! - All right, we got a situation.
- I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.
[Laughing.]
- After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.
Go Vinny! Go Vinny! You like the boobs? If you wanna have fun and do something crazy my mistakes - I need my shirt.
Something I remember when - I'll be right back.
Just stay right there.
I have to call a cab.
remember when it goes Just go.
- Brittany is one of the most dtf chicks I've ever met, and now I'm just like exhausted.
[Bleep.]
! - What up, snook? - Do you wanna go to the gym with me? - I need to eat something.
- You wanna go get something - and then go to the gym? - Yeah, that's fine.
It's almost like me and snook are alike right now.
We're dedicated to working out.
We're dedicated to drinking and having a good time.
- You got a map? - You're asking me? I get lost in a paper bag.
It's you.
- This is gonna be fun.
- I don't know how to read the map.
I'm supposed to be wearing glasses.
But I'm not doing that, because I'll look really ugly.
Um Wait.
It's not this block.
This isn't the street.
- I'm gonna punch you.
- I'm gonna punch myself.
There's no numbers.
We're going the wrong way.
- Right? - This is embarrassing.
- Yeah, we gotta go this way.
- I can't read a map.
Ron can't read a map because, you know Ron's Ron.
- [Bleep.]
.
Let's just walk, and we'll see a restaurant.
Oh, wait, here we go.
Sit outside.
Ciao.
Can I have a sparkling water? - I'm getting wine.
Pinot grig? - You're gonna drink and then go work out? - Of course.
Wine in Italy for me is legit like a cup of coffee for normal people.
So when are you going out to dinner with Sam? - I know she's gonna want to talk tonight.
If we go out, I'm not doing it.
- Yeah.
- Not gonna - Do it tomorrow.
It's definitely needed, though.
I just feel like they're meant for each other.
Them fighting and like kissing and making up, I mean, that's just Ron and Sam.
I mean, it's so weird without it.
- I miss herYou know.
I broke up with her in January.
And you guys didn't have sex? We gotta do it the right way.
Just like [Bleep.]
Already.
- [Laughing.]
- I want you guys to have sex.
- Before it was like, get away from each other, now she's like, "just [Bleep.]
Already.
" - Yeah.
'Cause I know you both want to.
You trust her? - I'm getting there.
I just don't wanna fall back into the same pattern that happened in Jersey.
Me and Sam, we're avoiding the conversation that, like, we need to have, and either be like, are you moving on, am I moving on? Are there feelings there? Are we gonna explore Italy together? - Well, you take her out to dinner tomorrow.
- Yeah.
We'll see what happens.
I love this cafe.
Grazie.
- Deena is on a mission to find a frickin' Italian man.
And I'm gonna do it.
Ciao.
Good.
How are you? - You speak italia? - I know little words.
You say just grazie? - I know grazie.
I know prego.
He's cute.
- You want me to be your wing woman? Deena needs love.
So we're on a mission to find her like the number one Italian husband.
- Do you have a girlfriend? - No.
- Oh, nice! - You're lying! My waiter's a lean cuisine.
But he has a nice smile, straight teeth.
Perfecto.
Do you have a phone number? - Yeah.
- Do you want me to have your phone number? [Speaking italian.]
- Ellis.
- Oh, Ellis.
- Ellis.
- Grazie.
- [Speaking Italian.]
So I'll call you tonight.
From the minute I left home, I said I wanna find a cute Italian lean cuisine that speaks good English and understands me.
- Ciao.
- Ciao.
He may be a good match for you.
- He actually speaks well English.
Yeah.
- Ready, snook? - [Belches.]
- This way.
- This way? I don't know.
[Speaking Italian.]
- I don't know what the [Bleep.]
You're saying.
Bella? - Beautiful.
- Me? - Yeah.
Grazie! - [Speaking italian.]
- Huh? Even though I didn't know what the instructor was saying [Speaking Italian.]
[Bleep.]
.
I got a good workout.
Eew! I feel your weiner! - Okay.
- I feel your weiner.
I'm not kidding.
Ron, shut up.
- A little creepy.
Grr! Unh! - Wine.
Bleh.
Ron, he like almost touched my [Bleep.]
.
- He's nice, he's just creepy.
- Very creepy.
- Ciao.
- Ciao.
Grazie.
- Ciao.
- Now it's time to get drunk.
[Both laughing.]
[Cheers and applause.]
It's 11:1947.
At 53, you better meet me at the foosball table.
- You don't want none of this, brother.
You don't wanna ruin your night already.
- Oh! - Oh, I got that a-going! Pauly.
- What? - Are we walking or cabbing? - We're not the leaders.
Why are you asking us? You guys are jerks.
[Both laughing.]
- Yo, run it back, son.
- We gotta go do our thing.
- Yo, we can play for like two hours, and they still won't be ready.
- I got my mind - [Speaking Italian.]
Okay, grazie.
[Speaking Italian.]
- What's that mean? - The taxis are here.
- Hey! - Is your girlfriend.
Coming out tonight, Michael? She said that her twin sister wants to join in the festivities.
That's just disgusting.
- It's [Bleep.]
Every guy's dream.
Now that you're independent hey, the best I've ever seen you wanna be the best in the land problems are something that you need and you know it's true Oh, God, where are my girls? Oh, my God.
Twilight zone.
- Bellissima.
- Ahh! If I have a boyfriend, I'm gonna be loyal to you.
I'm still gonna go out and have a good time.
Grazie.
But I'm committed now, so I party a different way.
[Humming.]
Whoo! I was about to slap you in the face! Ronnie is being awesome.
He's having fun, living his life.
Ronnie's being the Ronnie that I fell in love with.
Look what I found! Look what I found.
- Where were you? - I wandered.
- I'm not jealous.
I'm not anything.
I just want you to have fun in Florence, Italy.
Ya know? - Okay.
That's fine.
I am having fun.
You having fun? Yeah, but I miss you.
I'm not going anywhere.
Listen, I'm good to you.
- Why do you always want to have this conversation when we're drunk? - Tomorrow afternoon.
I promise you.
- Wanna go on the dance floor? - Hell, yeah.
- Yeah! - Aah! I see Ellis, and I'm like Yay! Like he's cute out of his little waiter uniform.
You're so cute! Right here.
- Wow, he showed up for her.
I'm actually glad.
Where's deena? - I thought deena was over there.
Aah! - Deena the whole night is just Jersey turnpiking him, making out with him, totally clubbing it up in the club tonight.
- Firenze! - Firenze! Wait.
Is firenze in Florence? - Yeah.
- Okay.
I have to sleep in your bed, 'cause deena's [Bleep.]
In my room! - Wait a second.
I'll be right back.
If you guys [Bleep.]
A girl, I wouldn't give a [Bleep.]
! - Mike told people about what you guys did.
Oh Dude! I see that.
Twinning.
- We're twins.
- Are you really? How old are you? - When you got twins, it's cool.
I mean, so you're winning.
But you're twinning, 'cause you got two twin chicks.
- I guarantee that I'll bring you and your sister home.
I pretty much tell Brittany and Erica that they're definitely coming home with The Situation.
It's just walk away and meet me later, okay? And that is my backup plan.
Don't go that way.
Don't go that way.
- Why? - The twins are that way.
- Aah! Deena! She's making out.
Where's the exit? - Deena, come on.
Let's go.
You wanna come? - Yeah.
Okay, let's go.
- I had a girl waiting for me outside.
What the [Bleep.]
? I might as well jump in this [Bleep.]
Cab right now and call Brittany when I get [Bleep.]
Back.
- How do you say, like, an easy girl? - Easy girl? Okay.
Semplice.
- I'm not that.
- Okay, okay, I know, I know.
I just wanna cuddle.
- And kiss? - Mm-hmm.
Kissing is allowed.
- Right here.
Come.
- Yo.
She wants to get it in.
[Bleep.]
.
- Snooki, can I just use the phone one second just to ask a question? - No.
I'm talking to my father.
Shut up.
- Oh.
Oh, my God.
All I want is just ten ten seconds.
- All right, dad, I'll call you back after Mike tries tget his Booty call in.
Thank you, thank you.
Come here.
No, stop.
I love you.
Come here, stand up.
I'm not standing up.
Call your girl, and that's it.
No.
Stop.
Stop.
- Whoa.
Eew.
- I love you.
- All right, call her.
- I don't really want to call her.
I really want you, but - I don't know what you're trying to do right now, butI'm not in it at all.
- I really do care about you.
You know that.
It's just because you have a boyfriend I'm calling other girls.
Mike, shut up.
- If you didn't have a boyfriend, it'd be different.
- Mike, you're crazy.
- You know, I love Mike, he's my friend, but I'm not gonna hook up with Mike.
I think he knows that, and he's just trying to start drama.
- Brittany, call me back when you get this message.
I just got home.
All right, bye.
[Hangs up.]
Oh, yeah, get it in! - We'll be right here eating popcorn while you guys get it in.
- Leave them alone! - We'll be right here! - We'll be right here.
Deena, we're leaving.
We're leaving.
- Okay, no.
So Bella.
- [Speaking italian.]
Smush room, not [Bleep.]
This room.
- I come off as like a hard exterior and like I can take when the boys pick on me.
Now I'm like I am very sensitive.
- Do your thing! - I'm gonna [Bleep.]
Kill them.
- Yo, I have to sleep in your bed, 'cause deena's [Bleep.]
In my room! Stop being a hater, son.
- Bro, it's called the smush room, dude.
- Where the [Bleep.]
Am I supposed to sleep? - Just wait one second.
Wait one second.
I'll be right back.
First of all, I'm not doing sex, so [Bleep.]
Get real.
- Well, stop wasting his time then.
- I'm just [Bleep.]
Cuddling with this guy, so don't talk [Bleep.]
.
- Cuddling with him in the smush room! - I should never room - Go! - Go! Get the [Bleep.]
Out of here! She walks in and [Bleep.]
! - I'm waiting outside for you to go cuddle with the dude.
- It's my room too! - So go get your dude and Okay, so don't talk [Bleep.]
! - Why am I fighting with the [Bleep.]
Wall right now? Don't [Bleep.]
Talk to me! - How disrespectful are you? - What's the problem? I'm sleeping on a bench here! - If you guys [Bleep.]
A girl, I wouldn't give a [Bleep.]
! I wouldn't give a [Bleep.]
! - I'm sleeping on a bench for you right now.
I don't give a [Bleep.]
! - Stop it.
She likes this person.
Sorry.
I hate them.
- I'm gonna go home.
- No, you don't go home.
No, you don't go home.
- Why I don't go home? No, 'cause you stay with me.
[Phone rings.]
- Hello? - Is Mike there? Huh? - Is Mike there? - Um [Hangs up.]
[Phone rings.]
Pronto.
- This is Brittany.
- Oh, what's up, girl? This is Vinny.
Check this out.
I'm madly, deeply in love with you.
Is Mike there? Excuse me? After all I just told you? This relationship's through.
Idiot.
Mike, Brittany called.
[Phone rings.]
- Hello.
- Hi, is Mike there? - Who's calling? - Brittany.
Who was that? - Brittany.
- Are you kidding me? - Mike, can we change our number? - I think we have a new stalker, and she's twins.
[Phone rings.]
Oh, [Bleep.]
.
Yo, Ronnie, you gotta get the phone, bro.
- All right, you want me to do it? - Pronto.
- What are you doing? Hold on.
- Yeah, The Situation.
- What? - It's Mike.
- Oh, hi.
What are you doing? These [Bleep.]
Stalker twins keep calling the house for Mike, so I decided to play a prank on Mike.
- Are you guys gonna hang out with me? - Yeah, we can hang out if you want.
Um - Um - Come with your sister and meet me at the house.
Like an hour? - Okay, that sounds good.
Okay.
- Bye-bye.
- Is she really coming? - She's really gonna come.
[Laughs.]
- Yeah, buddy.
Mike is in bed sleeping right now.
He has no idea what's about to happen.
I didn't think Ronnie had it in him, but he came up with a good prank.
Okay, let's go.
We can go eat.
[Laughs.]
- I turn around and I see Whoa, whoa, whoa.
The twins.
I get to walk in the middle.
- If you're gonna try for something, two hot twins and a threesome's worth trying for.
Well, we can start now.
Deena.
[Doorbell rings.]
- What the hell goes on in this house? [Beep.]
- I was waiting for you.
- I'm sorry, babe.
I "misses" you.
- I didn't go out.
- You didn't? - No.
- What the [Bleep.]
? - What? - What the hell? - What are you saying? Nothing.
Why are they here right now? It's daytime.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Guess who? [Laughs.]
Um I turn around, and I see the twins.
- The twins.
- Hey, guys, how are you? And I was like, oh, my God, they found me.
[Laughs.]
Wow.
Um, I didn't even say hello to you.
Hi.
- Hi.
You told me to come in an hour.
I feel bad you're not ready.
- No, that's okay.
Hi.
- Hey.
- How are you? - Good.
- Uh, yeah.
You know what? Um, if you guys want, you can wait, um, in here.
I have no idea how they got there, but, uh, I just go with the flow and say, "all right, girls, I guess we're going out for breakfast.
" Pronto, pronto.
- Chill right here and just give me a couple of minutes to get dressed.
I'm so confused right now.
- How's your beard? What's up, buddy? Yo, jenni.
[Laughs.]
Oh - [Laughs.]
- Yeah.
[Laughing.]
Dude, who did this? [Laughs.]
- I was getting dressed, and all of a sudden the two twins walked in, and I'm like, I didn't like invite 'em.
I mean, I don't remember, you know, inviting them.
- She's crazy.
Like, they're really waiting.
- I know they are.
- On the couch, waiting.
I know they are.
- She wants to know where she can put her toothbrush.
[Laughter.]
- Thanks, dog.
- You're welcome, homey.
- I'll be honest with you, twins are not a bad deal.
They're really not a bad deal.
- If you've got to try for something, two hot twins and a threesome's worth trying for.
If I pull your hair, will she feel it? - You can try it on her.
[Laughs.]
- You bitch.
- I'm kidding.
- If she's a bitch, then you're a bitch.
[Laughter.]
- Come on, girls, let's go.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Ciao.
- We'll go get food, then we'll walk through the market.
Breakfast? Mike definitely has an agenda and he has a secret motive with these twins.
- Hey, I get to walk in the middle.
- Because Mike never takes girls out on dates, especially in the daytime.
You said you're a virgin.
- She is.
- It's it's cool to be a it's cool.
Own it.
- A threesome is not an easy task to accomplish, but then again, The Situation does the impossible, and I think I can get it done.
- I need a drink.
[Laughs.]
Well, we can start now.
[Laughs.]
We can start now.
[Bell tolling.]
D, it's so nice up here.
The restaurant is in a complete romantic spot.
It's on a rooftop.
You can watch the sun set.
I kind of got butterflies.
Like, you're not really romantic, Ron, and you're taking me there? So I'm excited.
So - You wanted to talk, so - I just feel like I haven't really been able to talk to you since I've been here.
I'm listening.
- Okay, but let me be hon I feel I feel like I'm not that girl from Jersey and I think, like, I know what I want in my life.
And I'm letting you do you and, like, I'm giving you trust that you wouldn't bring back a girl or, like, hurt me, and you haven't yet.
- What more could you want from a guy? I hung out with the guys the whole night.
- I want you to hang out with them.
- But do you get where I'm coming from? I'm kind of torn because it's like, I kind of want to be with Sam, but I want Sam to be this girl.
- I'm a completely changed person.
I like who I am.
- So no more bull[Bleep.]
.
No more, like, [Bleep.]
Nonsense.
- I don't want you to worry 'cause, like, I'm not ever gonna hurt you.
If you want to me with me, like, yeah, like, I'm here.
Like, I've obviously been here.
- All right, so then We'll give it a shot.
Well, how do you feel? - Well, obviously, I love you, Sam.
[Chuckles.]
I miss that feeling of holding you and, like, being with you.
- I guess that we should start over.
Okay.
Look how romantical that is.
[Belches.]
- I feel like, uh, like, this is heaven.
I haven't felt this happy in, like, 20 years.
I'm not even kidding you.
You sure you're happy? - Yeah.
Living in the moment and all your hopes arrive today - I guess this means Ron and Sam are back together.
[Bell tolling.]
- You need a mint.
Do you have any altoids? - I need a m I need a mint? - Do you have an altoid? You need one.
[Laughs.]
- Hey, guys, deena's making out with the twin right now.
- What the hell? This is a full-blown lesbi-honest experience right now.
We hooked up two months ago.
You're psycho! - Two months ago.
- You're psycho! They say we're crazy 'cause we act like we do they say it's meaningless This is the first time I've seen you smile in a long time.
- With Sam I feel like this time is gonna be different.
I definitely feel like we can move forward from the past.
- How was dinner? - Good.
- I think it's definitely weird that I miss Ron and Sam's drama, because when they don't fight it's just like this is boring, like I need something! Did you have a good talk? - Yeah.
Things are good.
And? - Working it out.
- And? Back together.
- You are? - Yeah.
- Ohh - No fighting this time, though.
- Oh, dear.
And the games begin.
- No, no, no.
None of that this time.
- So you're legit like a couple.
- Yep.
- Can I tell everyone? [Laughs.]
If you want.
- I'm not kidding.
- I'd rather come back and beat you.
- You'd rather, but That's not gonna happen.
Game.
Three in a row.
Three in a row.
[Laughing.]
Just came out.
- Uh-oh.
He has the black v-neck on.
- Uh-oh.
- You know what that means! - Yeah, buddy.
- Black v-neck.
- Conservative Ronnie I'll tell you what it means.
He's with Sam.
Ha ha ha ha! Yo, he's changing it! Conservative Ronnie he's a wonderful guy Ron and Sam are back together, and we set ourselves back months and months of progress.
Did you ask Sam first? "Sam, can I get changed?" - [Laughing.]
She's back in black, bro.
She's not wearing colors anymore! - Oh, my God, she was wearing colors all year! Conservative Sammi she's a wonderful girl - I said if Ron and Sam get back together after all the [Bleep.]
'S said and done, I will kill myself.
When you're thinking suicide on sebody else's relationship, that's how bad it is.
[Laughs.]
- When they're together, they both wear black.
It's like a funeral.
- [Laughing.]
- Oh, yeah, we gotta call taxis.
Don't do it, jerk.
- [Barking.]
- Oh, God, I hate him.
Good to go.
Dude, I'm mad horny.
- Are you going to have sex with Ron tonight? - We're taking it slow.
- Oh, so slow sex? [Laughs.]
[Dance music.]
- We're in Italy right now.
In case you're wondering.
Flo is the best time.
Straight Jersey style, taking up the middle of the dance floor.
Fist pumping, beating up the beat, and we're having an amazing time.
light up the stage [Overlapping yelling.]
Light up the stage, yeah - We straight up took over an Italy club Totally out of our element, with all different Italian people And we got it popping.
- You know you cannot stop me I'm climbing mountains in heat Flo turned everything around.
The girls are enjoying themself now for once.
The guys are enjoying themself, so I'm like, "yo, that's what's up.
" It reminds me of the first time in Jersey.
[Whooping, cheering.]
Oh, no! I turn around, I see both twins.
I'm like, holy [Bleep.]
.
Stalkers.
What the hell? - Party foul.
- That's like a double stalker.
- We have reached a new level of stalker.
Twin sandwich.
But, uh, The Situation adapts to handle all types of crazy things.
There's always a hotter twin.
Who's the hotter twin? - [Both talking at once.]
You want me to be real? I think you.
You have different eyes than she does.
But you're both beautiful.
That was wrong of me.
- Yeah.
You shouldn't have said that.
We're all just like hanging out by the bar, and I finally get to talk to the twins.
Twinning! So when they like do it, you don't like go in and like sit there and watch? Um, well, I have before.
- I'm trying to set up a threesome with the two girls and Mike.
Mike's cool, so you should [Bleep.]
Mike.
No.
I don't know.
Shots! SnookiAh.
Thank God.
- I'm not gonna lie.
I'm a virgin.
- Huh? - She's a virgin.
[Laughs.]
No, you're not.
- Her sister her sister's not.
She is.
- I don't believe that, 'cause she's like really hot.
But, you know, she's a virgin.
All right, you're a virgin.
And the other one, she's like a big whore.
- I'm in love right now.
His name's jionni and he's from Jersey, and he's gonna come visit and I'm gonna like [.]
His [.]
Off.
- Foul.
- [Laughs.]
When we get home, you know, we'll figure everything out, okay? I put the groundwork in with these twins, and looks like I'm gonna have a little threesome tonight.
- Can we go? - I think we're ready to go.
Right? When we get home, we'll figure everything out, okay? Okay.
- Stop, stop, stop.
- I like Erica.
- Then all of a sudden deena goes, "no, she's mine.
" She's yours? - You're too attached to your sister.
- Seriously.
- Let her live.
- Seriously, let me live my life.
- This girl Erica just seems like a blast in the glass like me.
She likes to party.
She likes to dance.
You're cute.
You're a good time.
I even saw that earlier.
I was like, Erica is the hotter twin.
- Is she sleeping in your bed tonight? Yeah.
- I don't like it.
I don't like it.
- Hey, guys Deena's making out with the twin right now.
What the hell? - When you're drunk, sometimes you kiss girls.
- This is not a playful friend kiss friend thing or however girls do.
This is the full-blown lesbi-honest experience right now.
- Deena pulled a robbery hardcore.
- They're [Bleep.]
Gonna bang each other.
What the hell? - Deena's [Bleep.]
Blocked me before but never took a girl and hooked up with her herself.
[Laughing.]
- You're telling everybody that I cheated on jionni with you.
Why would you even say that? Where did you wh What the hell? Erica! - They're [Bleep.]
Gonna bang each other.
- I don't like it.
I don't like it.
It was supposed to be a menage-a-twin with me and the twins.
I was supposed to be twinning, and then it turned into a robbery by Deena And my own menage-arie, it went awry.
- We're gonna go.
Don't worry about it.
Let's go.
- Right, now, I'm I'm a little upset but not too upset, because I still have one twin.
Go, go.
Turn the music is on.
Makeout dibs! You're goin' under - You're with me, and that's it.
G- g-generation of the poor Gonna be les-bionic tonight.
- Whoa.
It's not the worst thing on earth, like bringing home a girl.
It's just not something I normally do.
They're a virgin, baby girl.
- You made that up.
- Isn't that embarrassing? I know it's embarrassing.
- How cute is she? - If I saw you in a bar and I wanted to be les-bionic, I'd make out with you.
You guys are too nice! Damn! - No, I'm not nice at all.
- No - But I'm being honest.
[Laughs.]
I wouldn't say I'm a lesbian, but I guess bi-curious.
I don't think I'd ever date a girl, 'cause I really, really love penis.
But I have fun.
Let's go play.
Where where at? In the room.
- Just lay in my bed.
Lay in my bed.
Sure.
Perfect! - Just lay down.
Please? - I have to pee.
- I have to pee too.
- Go pee first, then I'll go.
- Okay.
- I'll be right back, okay? - Okay.
- Stay there.
This is my bed.
- Where's your girl? - Put her in my room, and I'm making out with her.
- Just left her in your room? - Yeah.
I mean, I'll bring her out with you.
- I don't feel like Conversating.
- He told me a story the other day that I don't want to repeat.
- Tell me.
About what? About a couple months ago.
Him and snook You serious? But what did he tell you? - That she cheated on him, on jionni.
Wow.
That's a dog right there.
- And he specifically said that he cheated.
Specifically said like - I'm nna tell you something.
Nobody knows about this.
And you can't tell it to anybody.
Me and Snooki WeWe kinda hooked up.
- I [Bleep.]
Told on Mike.
Yeah.
Make ratted me out in [Bleep.]
Miami.
Mike ratted me out in [Bleep.]
Jersey.
So what guy code is there between me and Mike? There is no guy code.
You should tell Nicole.
- It's disgusting.
I'm gonna tell her right now.
[Exhales.]
I'm disappointed kind of a little bit in deena.
I don't know.
- Why? - I don't know.
Because like When I wanted to go hook up with a girl, she went whoosh! I'm like, wow.
She's like I think she's like Selfish.
Ha ha.
What's everybody eating? - Go over there and get a little plate.
- Aah! I can't do it.
What if I started making out with you right now? - What would I think? I don't know.
I thought she was gonna get with Mike.
I thought she was gonna get with deena.
I don't know who this girl's gonna get with, but somehow, she ends up on top of me.
- Do you wanna go to sleep now? - Yeah.
What the hell? What the hell? I was hooking up with this girl the entire night.
I brought her home, okay? Knowing I was hooking up with this girl the entire night, Vinny decides to hook up with this girl.
So I said, no, she's coming into my bed.
She wants to cuddle with me.
- [Bleep.]
Yeah! - Deena did hook up with this girl first, but the girl was in my bed, and I was mid-hookup with her.
That's weird, though.
She just jumps from bed to bed.
Even if I pulled a robbery, you don't pull the double robbery, you know what I mean? One second.
Get up on second.
Down.
- Oh - Are you okay? - No, you have to put your pants on to get into my bed.
- I have pants on.
Trust me.
- Deena's [Bleep.]
Blocked me before, but Never took the girl and hooked up with her herself.
Okay.
I'm back.
- [Laughing.]
- I'm back to The Situation.
- So you gonna smash this chick tonight, or - I don't know.
I don't know.
- Might as well.
She's in your bed.
- But likeI didn't want to bring her home because like I'm the type of person that's like I'm not gonna cross you, you know what I mean? - Hey, can I talk to Nicole for a second by myself? There's an emergency.
I just need to talk to Nicole.
- What? What do you mean, emergency? Don't say that.
You're scaring me.
- Mike told people about what you guys did.
Everyone.
- We didn't do anything.
- No.
He told everyone.
Everyone.
- We didn't do anything.
I was so [Bleep.]
Pissed off, because I thought I could trust everybody in the house, so what the hell is going on right now? He gave all your details.
- What [Bleep.]
Details? - He gave details.
He's psycho! - But it's not like details of like, "oh, we hooked up a couple months ago.
" There was details that say, "I [Bleep.]
Nicole, and she cheated on jionni.
" Oh.
:.
I'm gonna cry right now.
No.
- Handle that.
That's your boy.
- Mike is a big [Bleep.]
Fat liar.
I have never hooked up with him.
And the fact that I was there for him as a friend, I mean You're a [Bleep.]
Ass[Bleep.]
.
Dude! [Bleep.]
Mike! - What? - What is wrong with you? - Wait - No! I'm not gonna come here.
- What? - [Bleep.]
Stay right here.
You're telling everybody that I cheated on jionni with you.
Why would you even say that? - Where did you Where who came up with this? - I am I am [Bleep.]
Friends with you.
You're telling everybody in the house! - No, I didn't tell anybody.
- Yes, you did.
Because everyone's telling me right now.
- No, no, I didn't tell everybody in the house.
- Okay, well, obviously you're lying right now, because you know how [Bleep.]
Much I love jionni.
I'm not [Bleep.]
Dealing with that [Bleep.]
.
That's done.
I don't want to be friends with you, I don't like you.
I can't even look at you right now.
Done.
[Dramatic music.]
- I'm a little disappointed that you told everybody.
- You better shut your [Bleep.]
Mouth.
You're a [Bleep.]
Snitch.
This is all [Bleep.]
Up.
I swear to God, if I lose jionni over this [Bleep.]
, I am killing Mike.
- I want nothing to do with you.
I was a [Bleep.]
Friend in the house - I'm not gonna lie - And I'm done.
- I'm not gonna lie.
- You're a [Bleep.]
Ass[Bleep.]
.
- Everybody knows The Situation is not a liar, and The Situation If a girl rejects me, I'll say it, you know? I've never lied.
I'm not gonna lie.
- Mike, get over it.
- I'm not gonna lie.
- Nothing happened.
I'm not gonna lie.
You are lying about me hooking up recently with you.
We hooked up two months ago.
- You're a psycho! - Two months ago.
- You're [Bleep.]
Psycho.
- Two months ago.
- Get over it.
- I'm not gonna lie.
- Nothing happened.
- I'm not gonna lie.
- No, you're an ass[Bleep.]
.
Because the only person that wants to be friends with you, that wants to talk to you in the house, is me.
And you are a [Bleep.]
Ass[Bleep.]
.
Dude, you have no friends in the house.
Mike, you're a [Bleep.]
Douche bag, and I [.]
Hate you.
I [.]
Hate you.
For once, no drama with me, and it feels [Bleep.]
Amazing.
- You know how much I [Bleep.]
Love jionni, and the fact that you would say something like that You are a [.]
.
I don't like you.
- I didn't lie.
- This is [Bleep.]
Embarrassing.
- This was two months ago.
- No, no.
This was two months ago.
- MikeSeriously.
- Two months ago.
- I haven't seen Mike in two months.
I don't know what the [Bleep.]
He's talking about.
- I don't lie.
- Don't [Bleep.]
Talk to me.
- Listen, listen, listen, I'm I don't lie.
Everybody in this house knows I don't lie, okay? - RonReally? - I don't lie.
- Nicole's flipping out on Mike right now, saying that it's not true, and it's like it's kinda good, 'cause I wanna know if it's true or not.
I wanna know if Mike's lying or if Mike's telling the truth.
- I swear on anything in this world.
- Dude, I'm alone once again.
Thank you.
- The reason why you're walking away is because - No, because you're [Bleep.]
.
You're [Bleep.]
Psycho! This crossed the line.
Like I always say, if you [Bleep.]
With my friends, me and my relationship with my boyfriend, or my family, it's done.
- Listen, do you want me to describe exactly what happened? - [Bleep.]
You, Mike! - Do you want me to describe exactly what happened? - You're such a [Bleep.]
Ass[Bleep.]
.
I cannot [Grunts.]
Mmm! - So I'm hooking up with Erica, and I'm into it, having a blast.
Hey, put those on.
I can't.
- Then I get freaked out.
This is not me.
This is not what I do.
I like penis.
You can go right there.
So I was like, whatever.
Erica, go on.
You can go into Vinny's bed now.
So she wound up ending the night with Vinny.
I'm bad! - Oh, man! [Laughs.]
Why would he do that to me? You want my advice, snook? If it's true? It's not true.
- If if I'm not accusing anybody - I will tell you what the [Bleep.]
Happened.
- Okay.
- Not even two months ago.
[Bleep.]
A while back ago.
- Yeah.
- He was with unit, and you know how unit is.
Ryder and unit got together.
Mike wanted to hook up with me, and I said n he got [Bleep.]
Pissed off, and he went outside on the balcony.
'Cause I wouldn't hook up with him.
And that's it.
- Snooki may have cheated.
You don't know who to believe.
It's like Snooki's gonna say no, because she doesn't wanna lose her boyfriend, and then Mike's gonna say yes 'cause he doesn't wanna look like a liar.
The only two people that know were the people that were there.
I don't like Know what happened, but - I just told you what happened.
- I know.
For jionni's sake, what you do is woman up.
Tell him the whole [Bleep.]
Scenario that happened, and it's better to hear it from you Believe me.
Look at me.
Than find out like the way I did.
- God, he's such a [Bleep.]
.
- You know why? Because finding out this way is gonna [Bleep.]
With you so much longer in the long run.
- I didn't do anything wrong for me to be [Bleep.]
.
- So tell jionni.
Tell him the [Bleep.]
Scenario.
- I don't understand why Mike would do that.
Now it's done.
Done.
- You know I don't lie.
- I cannot [grunts.]
Mm! You know I don't lie, and I'm a little disappointed that you told people.
- I didn't say nothing - I asked for your I asked for your opinion.
- I didn't say nothing to her.
Listen, you better shut your [Bleep.]
Mouth, 'cause you're a [Bleep.]
Snitch.
Like how many times have you [Bleep.]
Caused trouble with me and my [Bleep.]
Girlfriend and sat back and just [Bleep.]
Sparked a fuse? I told jenni what you told me, and I feel like - Okay.
- You know that it was gonna come - I'm a I'm a I'm a little up - You know that it was gonna come out no matter what.
- I told Ronnie in confidence, and all of a sudden, he immediately tells jenni when he's drunk? LikeLt's not cool.
I entrusted you with a huge, huge secret.
You knew I was sincere.
- I'm not saying you aren't sincere, but you bringing home different girls is not being sincere.
- B-but this th What happened with me and her was two months ago.
You know I don't lie.
I- I didn't say you lied.
I didn't sit there and say you [Bleep.]
Lied, bro.
- I-I - I didn't say you [Bleep.]
Lied.
- I'm a little disappointed in you.
- With Mike, you never know what his intentions are.
I don't know if what he's saying is true or if he's just trying to be the instigator.
- What, you didn't believe me? - I didn't say no, no.
Did I say that? - Did you guys not believe me? - No, no, no.
- I said I believe you.
- By telling Ronnie - Where is everybody? - The closest we're very close, you know what I mean? Oh, my God, now I have this chick running around.
- Get them out of here.
Just get rid of them.
'Cause we gotta deal with this [Bleep.]
.
- Just just - Just come and hold me.
- Just lay down.
Just lay down.
- They need to get the [Bleep.]
Out.
- Lay down.
Just lay down.
It's called guilty conscience, so we're gonna see what Snooki does.
The truth will come out.
The truth will set you free, Snooki.
This is all [Bleep.]
Up.
This [Bleep.]
Is not gonna ruin what I have.
- Look at me.
You did nothing wrong.
We're gonna fix this.
I call bull[Bleep.]
.
I see through your game.
It's not gonna work.
Nicole loves jionni.
Move on.
- I swear to God, if I lose jionni over this [Bleep.]
, I am killing Mike.
- You're not.
Jionni loves you too much.
Listen, no offense to jionni, but if he wants to take his word over yours, then let jionni walk.
But I know jionni better than that, and he's not going to.
Jionni loves you.
You'll be okay.
And listen, no offense, jionni will not leave you over Mike [Bleep.]
Talking [Bleep.]
.
Mike's talking [Bleep.]
.
- But he's such a douche bag.
Why would he do that to me? I'm sorry.
- I know that I got a big personality and a strong magnetism too but it often seems to keep good people away from me I don't know why that is I keep them to my left, I keep them to my right always making sure that the attention is ne sometimes I give a drink just to keep them satisfied and sometimes I get a kick out of wasting their time people on the street, please give it up for mister big personality and his staff papa, I'm ambitious DreiMarc + Subsfreak - I'm not losing jionni over this bull[Bleep.]
.
- It's gonna be rough when you first tell him.
- I need to tell jionni what's going on.
He told all the roommates that we had sex.
Talk to me, please.
- I think she would.
- Take it easy, take it easy.
- I felt like I was being judged.
- You would never [Bleep.]
Block anybody in this [Bleep.]
House.
You've [Bleep.]
Changed.
- I'm actually glad that the drama has nothing to do with us.
It's been like less than 24 hours since Ron and me got together.
- [Bleep.]
You.
- I'm like, oh, great.
Ron and Sam.
Then I hear Mike.
- I don't give a [Bleep.]
! N't [Bleep.]
A relationship.
You [Bleep.]
Serious? - And I'm likeUh-oh.
- Let's do it! - Stop! Let's do it!