Kickin' It (2011) s04e03 Episode Script

(Theme music playing) Now if you sign up with the Wasabi Warrior Academy you'll find that, as your sensei, I like creating an environment of tranquility and peace.
(Air horn blasts) Roped in another one, people! - Hey, what's going on? - I'll tell you what's going on.
The promotional video I put on our website is working! I can't wait to watch us on camera.
Oh, when Donnie at the hardware depot sees me in my gi, it's gonna take our relationship to a whole 'nother level.
He might even stop locking the doors when he sees me coming.
- (Rock music playing) - Oh.
Yo, here we come.
Ha ha! Where were we? I'm sorry.
I had to make some difficult decisions.
Like cutting us out? Oh no, that was an easy one.
No, what I struggled with was how to deal with my "directed by" credit.
But then it just kind of came to me.
(Fanfare) This video was directed by me! Rudy Gillespie Espie-espie-espie.
I trained hard for that video! My reverse heel kick landed with force - and precision.
- It landed in your face, Joan.
Is that what happened? (Cheering) Hey, yo, Jack, have you seen this video? Uh, yes, I have and I'm not the only one.
Since it came out, I got a free game at laser tag world.
- (Milton gasps) - I'll be on the homecoming float with the cheerleaders.
- (Jerry whimpers) - And Bob the butcher gave me this bag of cold cuts.
Whoo! I'll take that.
Joany Malone-y loves Bob's baloney.
Hey, Jack, got some potential customers over here who want to see your video.
If Rudy won't put us in the video, let's make our own.
With some creative editing and movie tricks, - we could look as good as Jack.
- Oh.
I don't need any fancy movie tricks.
I'm the real thing.
Reverse heel kick coming atcha! We need fancy movie tricks.
(Rock music playing) Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me? and we could have a ball, run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you here we go, let's start the party chop it up like it's karate everybody won't you come kick it with me? and we could have a ball, run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
This is the movie magic I was talking about.
We've got a green screen for digital effects, styrofoam bricks, pre-cut boards and a breakaway door.
Oh yeah, I've heard about these things.
(Laughs) So this is how Hollywood does it, huh? (Cracks ) - Oh-ooh! Oh! Got me with the old breakaway stool.
Oh no, Joan, I think that was I said it was a breakaway stool! All right, let's get famous, people.
- (Techno music playing) - Announcer: Ready ot, orworl, you are about to meet "paws" - "Jaws" - (Animal growls) and "claws.
" (Snicks) (Animal roars) (Big cat snarls) Together they are the tiger trio! (Big cat snarls) (Whimpers) I wanna be those people.
We are those people.
We are awesome, people.
Kickin' it with you! Rudy: Oh yeah, the sea dogs won! They are one game away from winning the championship.
Let's go sea dogs! (Barks) I love the sea dogs.
You know I met my wife at a game, and I still love them.
Izzy! Dudewhat a, you doing here? I thought your band was on their world tour.
(British accent) Long story my jet broke.
Not such a long story.
Jack, look at this! I invented a game.
You take this hard ball, you stick your fingers in the holes, and then - you throw it! - (Screams) Izzy, yeah, it is a game.
It's called bowling.
You're supposed to throw the ball at the pins.
Where's the fun in that? Pins can't run and scream.
Oh, embarrassing for you two wearing the same clothes.
- (Both chuckle) - No.
We're dressed like this because we just came back from a baseball game.
If the sea dogs win tomorrow, they'll be world champions.
World champions?! That's so exciting! I never thought I'd live to see the day! - You don't know what baseball is, do you? - Not a clue! We're going tomorrow.
You have to come with us, man.
Rudy has an extra ticket.
I do, but I'm bringing a date.
Hey, Jeannie, do you want to go to the game with me tomorrow? (Snorts) You know what? It would be my pleasure to introduce you to America's past Alison, do you want ticket's all yours.
Check it out.
Our video's got 65 views.
- All right.
- Oh, sorry I'm late.
I just watched our video 64 times.
(Growls) Well, at least one person saw it and liked it.
Wow, their screen name is "gingergenius.
" Ooh-hoo.
Yeah, that's me.
Look, we just got a few more views.
And a comment.
(Types) "Tiger trio, think you are incredible.
We'd like you to perform at our yucca valley cactus festival this weekend.
- Mayor duggan.
" - (Snickering) - What a joke.
- Please.
Cactus festival.
- I'm in.
- Me too! Cactus festival! Oh wait wait wait wait wait a minute! What happens when we get there and we're not as good as we look on that video? We'll just bring them a little Hollywood movie magic.
As long as they don't know our props are fake, - they'll think we're the real thing.
- He's right.
We're not selling the steak, we're selling the sizzle.
Ssss! Well, don't worry about that.
Old joany can bring the sizzle.
- (Crackles) - (Gibbering) Wow, nice sizzle.
All right, one more out and we are world champions.
We're going to get it.
This guy hits like my mother.
You know, my mother actually played for the giants back in the day.
- Really? - Yeah.
She even played when she was still pregnant with me.
In her last game, she went into labor as she was rounding first, slid into second, and I stole third.
This game is amazing.
Are you allowed to talk to the baseballers? Of course, calling stuff out from the stands is all a part of the experience.
Hey there! You, scratching and spitting.
- Yeah? - Not you, Louis.
Him.
Number 21! You've got grass stains on your knickers and you've lost your other mitten! No, Izzy, it's not a mitten.
It's a glove.
- They use it to catch the ball.
- Here.
In case a ball comes up in the stands, use mine.
- (Bat cracks) - Oh, this is it.
When balboni catches this one, we're gonna be the champs! - You got it.
- You got it.
You got it! I got it.
I'm the champion of the world! - (Crowd booing) - You moron! You turned that out into a home run! Izzy, you just cost us the championship! Don't worry, no one knows it was me who caught the ball.
Oh look, I'm on TV! (Booing continues) Let's get him! Hey! Come on! Kickin' it with you! I love how they made this place look like an old west town.
Hi, I'm Nikki.
My dad's the mayor of yucca valley.
We're so excited you're here for the cactus festival.
Oh well, you're pretty darn lucky you got us when you did, hon.
Right after you booked us we got a call for another gig.
Oh really? What was it? - Petting zoo.
- Funeral.
Super bowl.
I'll see you after the show, jaws.
Yes, you will, legs I mean, Nikki.
Announcer: Ladies and gentleman, the yucca valley cactus festival is proud to present the tiger trio.
(Big cat snarls) Paws! - Claws! - (Roars) - And jaws! - (Big cat growls) Hyah! Ha! (Grunts) (Laughing) (Yells) Well, I'm really really sorry, sir.
Oh, you're going to be sorry.
In fact this whole town's gonna be sorry when I come back with my gang.
(Growls) Wow, people seem really scared.
Even that big guy in the hat's running away.
- Maybe somebody should call the sheriff.
- That guy is the sheriff.
Look, I'm really sorry, everybody.
It was an accident.
It's not your fault, Jerry.
That guy's the leader of the Diablos.
They're a biker gang that have ruined every cactus festival we've ever had.
But this year is gonna be different, because this year we have the tiger trio! - Joan: Oh! - (Applause) How lucky, wow.
Good for you What? Well, all in all, our first show was a success.
- Joan, the whole town's in danger because of us.
- Oh well, that's show business.
One night you get a standing ovation, the next night you get a biker gang tdestroy a whole town.
Off we go.
- Where are you guys going? - (All yelp) You're not leaving, are you? No Why would you think that? Because your bags are packed, you've got a map highlighted back to the freeway, and two minutes ago Joan yelled "peace out, girl scout!" To my dad.
She may be on to us.
You can't leave now.
You're the tiger trio.
This is the first time our town actually has a chance to defend ourselves against the Diablos.
(SIGHS) Look, Nikki.
The truth is we're not good at karate.
We're good at putting on a show.
See these boards? They're not real.
So you're fakes? The only thing that was real today was the way that you made me feel.
(Moans) Too soon? I should have known the tiger trio was too good to be true.
Go ahead, run away.
Wait, Nikki, wait! Look, there's something you need to know.
We never got paid.
Here we go, let's start the party chop it up like it's karate.
All right, there is a crowd of people waiting in the parking lot to get Izzy.
So we just got to slip him out the back.
- The trick is just blending in.
- Izzy: Right, let's blend.
There you are.
Where is he? We don't know.
We've been looking for him too.
Holy smokes, salty the sea dog! I love you.
Can I get your autograph? (Fake American accent) Sure, except I can't see anything through my giant fake head! That's better.
Who do I make it out to? Lou l-o-you ball-stealing crumpet-muncher! - (Clamoring) - Get him! All right, boys.
Let's put these bags in the car - and put this whole thing behind us.
- Awesome.
- Hello! - (All yelp) Don't talk to him.
He may be a Diablo.
My name is Billy.
Everyone in town is saying you're running away, but I know the tiger trio doesn't run away from anything.
You guys are my heroes.
We'd sure appreciate it if you'd stop staring at us with those Doe-eyes filled with wonder and innocence.
Yeah, you're Making me feel all weird inside.
It's called guilt, Joan.
I'm feeling it too.
It's sitting right on top of the little gas I got from those cactus crab-cakes.
(Burps) Oh, now it's just the guilt.
I don't know about you two, but I'm staying here.
The Diablos may take me down, but not without a fight.
Billy, round up everybody and tell them to meet us in the town square.
- I have a plan.
- Got it! - Okay, go! - (Others chuckle) Good plan, you got rid of the kid! - Shotgun! - Let's go.
No, I have a plan to take down the Diablos.
And once we announce that we're not leaving, the town will cheer us for the real heroes we are.
(Booing) Please, citizens of yucca valley, let us not dwell on who the phonies are.
- It's you! - Again, this is the thing we shall not dwell upon.
Look, people, you've been terrorized by the Diablos long enough.
Okay? It's time for this town to fight back.
We can't fight back.
We're just ordinary people.
(Scoffs) Ordinary people?! Do you know what I see when I look out there? Holy Hannah, you people are ordinary.
We're ordinary people too, but we made you believe that we were more than that.
And that's exactly what you're going to do to the Diablos.
I'm going to need wire.
All the wire in town.
You heard him, people.
We need wire! Yeah, and big pieces of styrofoam and paint.
Paint, people! Red, blue, whatever you got! - And Nikki's phone number.
- Still too soon, Milton! Now let's make this a town the Diablos will never mess with again.
- Yeah! - (Cheering) Okay, all right! We lost them thanks to my super secret shortcut.
- What took you so long? - (All yelp) We've been here for over an hour.
- Now hand him over.
- Whoa whoa! Look, you don't think that I'm mad? Balboni is my favorite player.
I have posters of him in my room.
I have a reoccurring dream where we play catch and he lets me call him "daddy.
" Look, Izzy's sorry.
He's never been to a game before.
And he never will again! He's right.
That game was a bore.
It didn't get interesting until I caught this ball.
You s - no no no, hang on! Izzy did nothing wrong.
His only crime was wanting to experience the greatest game our country knows.
- The thrill of the crowd - (Mimics crowd roar) The crack of the bat hitting the ball Crack! A bag of freshly roasted peanuts (Trumpets) Elephants love peanuts.
Look, all we wanted to do was share our love of the game with him.
And if that's wrong, then we're wrong.
- Rudy: Yeah.
Jack's right.
Don't blame Izzy.
Blame us.
You heard him, Louis.
It's their fault.
Let's get 'em.
- (Clamoring) - Rudy: No no no! But we made a heartfelt speech! (Western theme playing) Ha! It looks like the town's deserted.
The tiger trio didn't even have the guts to show up.
Well, fellas, let's bust up their town so they know we were here.
Rahh! - Ha! - (Dramatic Western theme) Coming back to this town was a big mistake.
Look at this, guys.
This twerp thinks he's gonna take on the Diablos - all by himself.
- I'm not a twerp! Hiyah! And I'm not alone.
(Shouts) - He's got friends.
- (Screaming) Lots of friends.
And we're not backing down anymore.
Hey, stop looking at me, little boy.
I'm not afraid of you.
You should be.
Show him, Billy.
(Shrieks) Now get out of my town.
All you people are crazy! Come on, guys.
Let's go go go! Good job, everybody.
We did it! (Cheering) - Tiger trio! Tiger trio! - (All chanting) From this day forward no one in this town will ever forget the names jaws, paws and Um - Claws! - That's the one.
Thank you.
Milton, I thought Billy used the last fake brick.
He did.
This girl can kiss.
All right, people, let's get our cactus on.
- Whoo! - (Tiger trio techno music playing) Milton: Take two.
And action! (Joan yelling) (Moaning) Jerry: Take one.
Action, Milton.
This is tasty.
Do we have any butter? Take 12.
We're gonna get it this time.
- (Exhales) - And action.
Take 23.
Try getting more speed.
And action! (Yelps) (Thuds) That's a wrap! Kickin' it with you!