Magnum, P.I. (1980) s04e03 Episode Script
Smaller Than Life
I can show you excitement Iike you have never known in your Iife.
Run, WaIdo! I am running! I want to pIace a caII person to person to the President of the United States.
There's nothing you can do but Iie in bed and contempIate the dire consequences of a hedonistic Iife.
[cIattering.]
First you teII me that you're an insurance investigator now you're teIIing me you're with the CIA? Neither Mr.
Norris nor myseIf bear any resembIance to the dashing James Bond.
Nevertheless, we are both professionals in the intelligence game.
[yeIIing.]
[grunting.]
[crickets chirping.]
[cIinking.]
[aIarm ringing.]
[dogs barking.]
Hiya, feIIas.
[dogs continue barking.]
(Magnum) In Paradise, each day is as gentle as the last.
Life flows easily from one moment into the next quietly washing away limits and boundaries until you think there are no rules at all.
That's a mistake.
There's at least one rule I'd promised myself I'd never forget.
If you're going to jump off a cliff be sure you're ready to fly.
[game consoIe beeping.]
You said you'd never go hang-gIiding.
Said it was too dangerous.
That's what you said.
Oh, Iook, a guy can change his mind, can't he? I just thought it'd be good for business.
[Iaughing.]
What's her name? See, you automaticaIIy assume that it's a woman.
I just thought if I Iearned how to hang-gIide I couId, you know, sneak up on peopIe.
Is she bIonde or brunette? T.
C.
Bingo! Brunette.
HeIIo, Thomas.
Hi, Savannah.
[phone ringing.]
FeeIing better? WeII.
Oh, don't answer that! Thomas Magnum's room.
[sighing.]
A Mr.
Higgins.
That is the fourth time today he has caIIed to yeII at me.
HeIIo, Higgins.
How wonderfuI to hear from you.
I can't stay anyway.
I'II Iet you taIk to your friends.
No, no, this won't take Iong.
(Higgins) Magnum? I signed up for a diving cIass.
I don't want to be Iate.
Two seconds, I promise.
Magnum, for God's sakes, are you there? Yes, Higgins.
I'm here.
You promised me over a month ago that you wouId handIe the security for the exhibit.
Now, with Iess than three days to find a repIacement, you puII out.
Higgins, you make it sound Iike I broke my shouIder on purpose.
I should have known better than to count on you to keep your word.
(Magnum) What? What? What did you say? I reaIize that cuIture and history have IittIe meaning to you, Magnum but the preservation of the AIoha HistoricaI Society is of the utmost importance to Robin Masters.
Higgins, I toId you I'd get somebody to cover it.
What are you doing? PeopIe from aII over the.
Damn! PeopIe from aII over the worId are coming to view this exhibit.
You're eating, aren't you? You know how I hate hospitaI food and you're doing this to drive me crazy.
I am doing nothing of the kind.
What is it? Cream puffs? The kind with the chocoIate fiIIing? Cream puffs? I reaIIy have to go.
No, I wanna taIk to you about something.
There is nothing for you to teII me except the name of your repIacement.
Bye, Thomas.
No! Then there's nothing further for us to discuss.
No, wait-- Higgins? AII right! Higgins? (Lee) Beginner's Iuck.
[sighing.]
The next time I get a crazy idea to take Iessons wiII one of you two guys pIease stop me? We tried, Thomas, but you said you knew what you were doing.
[phone ringing.]
And you beIieved me? Don't answer that! You can't avoid your responsibiIities, Thomas.
Look, aII I need is for one of you two guys to baby-sit the photographs for me.
You can even take turns.
Man, I ain't cut out for this security business.
Rick? Not me, buddy.
[phone ringing.]
Don't answer that! [sighs.]
[recIining bed whirring.]
Magnum's Body Shop.
TeII him I'm not here.
Who? TeII him I'm in surgery.
Yeah, he's here.
T.
C.
! It's for you.
It's the CIub.
(Rick) HeIIo? Man, you seem quite a bit out of sorts.
No, reaIIy? WaIdo Norris? Who's WaIdo Norris? It's got to be 15 years since I've seen him Iast.
(Rick) Where's he at? I'II go pick him up.
He's where? The Iast time that I saw you, I was baiIing you out of jaiI and you promised me that it wouIdn't happen again.
I'm sorry, OrviIIe.
I just didn't know who eIse to caII.
How can you throw your Iife away Iike this? You got everything going for you.
You're smart.
You're funny.
I'm short.
You couId be anything you wanna be.
And here you are, a common thief.
Oh, that hurts, OrviIIe.
How can you say that about me? Just Iook at the poIice report.
Breaking and entering? Oh, sure, take the poIice's side of it.
Don't even Iisten to my side.
If they teII you that I'm breaking and entering go ahead, just assume I'm breaking and entering.
WaIdo, what were you doing? [birds chirping.]
Breaking and entering.
But OrviIIe, it's not what it Iooks Iike.
WiII you just Iisten to me for one second? (Rick) WaIdo, you're putting me on.
Insurance investigator? Yeah, weII, it's not a gIamorous job, but it pays weII.
Since when does an insurance investigator dress up Iike a cat burgIar and break into peopIe's homes? WeII, it's not exactIy a home.
It's more Iike a museum.
It beIongs to these peopIe named VanderviIIe.
They're trying to convert it into a.
What do you caII it? HistoricaI site.
They came over about a month ago with a bunch of antiques.
Said they were gonna dispIay them to the pubIic.
OnIy one of them turned up missing.
You ever heard of a pIace caIIed Meissen? No.
WeII, it's a pIace in Germany where they've made antique china figurines since about 1 700.
WeII, these VanderviIIes had one dated 1810.
Said it got Iost in the move.
Henderson-Aames doesn't think so.
That's where I come in.
WeII, who's Henderson-Aames? Not who.
What? Henderson-Aames is an insurance company.
They want me to prove the figurine is in the house.
So you broke in? I thought I couId get in, get a photograph and get out.
No one wouId be the wiser.
It sounded good.
Didn't work out that way.
Hey, I'm just sorry to have invoIved you, OrviIIe.
Hey, what're oId friends for? You got any other good ideas that maybe I shouId know about? No, no, I'm gonna get that figurine by shuffIing paperwork.
It might take me a Iot Ionger but from now on this case is nothing but routine and paperwork paperwork and routine.
Look out! Run, WaIdo! I am running! [gun firing.]
[car honking.]
(woman) Cross at the corner, you jerks! [car engine starting.]
[tires screeching.]
[birds chirping.]
(Magnum) Rick once told me that the little people were God's chosen people.
Like leprechauns, lucky to have around.
I guess that depends on your definition of luck.
I toId you, WaIdo, we shouId have gone to the poIice yesterday.
What can the poIice do? They can take a description.
Show you pictures.
You think they're gonna Iisten to me? They think I'm a.
What did you caII it? Common thief.
Oh, WaIdo.
No, we're not gonna go to the poIice.
Some guy's shooting at me, and I wanna know who it is.
I know who it is.
You do? Some guy the VanderviIIes sent to scare me off the case.
OnIy we don't intimidate that easiIy, do we, OrviIIe? **[music playing on radio.]
''We?'' What do you mean, ''we''? WeII, I was just thinking, maybe you couId heIp me.
No! N-O, no! You don't have to go in with me.
I just need to get back inside.
You said paperwork and routine.
No breaking in.
That was before someone started shooting at me.
You can see how that wouId change things.
WeII, why don't you caII Henderson and Aames.
and Aames, and teII them you're off the case.
[sighing.]
You're right.
I've imposed on you too much aIready.
You baiIed me outta jaiI and you put me up at your pIace.
[Iaughing.]
What? No, what? Oh, it's just that staying here with you reminds me of TayIor Street.
Do you remember TayIor Street? Yeah, I remember TayIor Street.
There was this kid.
He couIdn't have been more than 16 years oId.
Kind of Iooked Iike you, OrviIIe, onIy more innocent-Iike.
WeII, one day he comes to me and he says he's in troubIe.
He says that some guy is out to break his fingers.
Says he wouIdn't come to me, except I'm his best friend.
Anyway, he wants me to go out, risk my own neck to get my hands on some cash before the guy with the bad temper finds him.
'Course, back in those days, you did what you couId to heIp a paI.
So, anyway, I go out and I get the money.
A nickeI here, a dime there.
[Iaughing.]
Funny thing.
That kid today, he's a big shot.
Runs a fancy cIub.
[WaIdo Iaughing.]
Who wouId've thought it? Okay, WaIdo.
What do you want me to do? I know where I made a mistake with the aIarm system.
I think I can get in and get out.
But I don't know how much time I have.
I want to be prepared.
If you get caught.
I won't get caught, if I know where I'm going.
I need a fIoor pIan.
(WaIdo) The grounds are even more impressive than I had imagined.
They're certainIy adequate for our IittIe exhibit.
[Iaughs.]
You're far too modest, Mr.
Higgins.
This coIIection of artists' drawings and architect renderings shouId hardIy be referred to as a IittIe exhibit.
StiII, to have attracted the attention of the Smithsonian that's an honor I had not anticipated.
WeII, where do I begin? WeII, I've cataIogued the sketches by isIand and year.
I wouId be most happy to go through them with you.
No need for me to take up any more of your time.
I don't mind.
No, I'm sure the sketches wiII speak eIoquentIy for themseIves.
Yes.
Yes, you're quite right.
Oh, and on the day of the exhibit, if you'd be so kind to pose with one or two of the sketches I'm sure our readers wiII want to get a Iook at the man behind the event.
CertainIy.
Anything I can do to be of heIp.
WeII, I'II Iet you get on with your work.
Oh, and when I'm through, if you wouId join me for a brandy.
It's not every day I run across someone who shares my Iove for Hawaiian history and architecture.
It wouId be my great pIeasure.
[dog growIing.]
Hiya, feIIas.
I reaIIy wish you'd reconsider Thomas.
I can show you excitement Iike you have never known in your Iife.
Savannah-- You can watch me untiI you are compIeteIy confident.
And then we'II do it together.
We are not going to do it at aII.
I Iike to do it face to face.
It is so wonderfuI to watch your partner's expression with heart pounding, ears ringing faIIing together through space untiI that moment when your body is jerked upward and shudders-- Savannah! As the chute catches and you fIoat gentIy to the ground.
I am not going up in an airpIane so you can push me out.
It's perfectIy safe.
Safe? [Iaughing.]
Are you kidding? You're nervous.
No.
No, you don't understand.
Of course, I understand.
Everyone's nervous the first time.
No, you don't understand.
[beeping.]
This is not my first time.
I did my share of jumping out of pIanes in the Navy.
It did not give me a thriII.
I don't Iike it.
I'II go with you.
You stay out of this.
[woman chattering on PA system.]
WeII if you change your mind, Iet me know.
You don't have to go yet.
Visiting hours are over.
Savannah? [game consoIe beeping.]
Maybe, we couId figure out something eIse that we couId do together.
Bye, Thomas.
Bye.
How about a game? Sure.
Why not? You mean it? (cIerk) The VanderviIIes owned it since 1947.
It was soId six months ago.
Who bought it from the VanderviIIes? Torpo Corporation.
WiIIiam ShuIer, President.
Thanks.
[machine whirring.]
Miss, who owned it before 1947? Garth Braden.
Thanks again.
You're weIcome.
(Magnum) One thing I've learned being a private investigator never believe anything anyone tells you.
Unless you think it's true.
Waldo's story sounded a little far-fetched to me but then, I'm not Rick.
And Rick was sure that as soon as he checked it out he'd see that Waldo was telling him the truth.
[beII ringing.]
Of course, Rick can be wrong, too.
[birds chirping.]
I find it hard to beIieve that any friend of yours is a photographer for the Smithsonian.
He toId you he was with the Smithsonian? He showed me his identification.
I can't beIieve he's doing it again.
Mr.
Norris? How odd! I wonder where he couId have gotten to? Looks Iike he went out through the doubIe doors.
Don't be ridicuIous.
He'd never have gotten past the Iads.
Oh, my God! [dog whining.]
It's gone.
The 1923 sketch of the Braden Estate is missing.
Braden? Garth Braden? What are you doing? TeIephoning the poIice.
VaIuabIe property has been stoIen from the estate and I intend to report it immediateIy.
Wait, Higgins, he's a friend of mine.
I'II find the sketch.
I'II get it back for you.
Do you have any idea how much that drawing is worth? I'm sure there's a very good reason WaIdo borrowed it.
''Borrowed it?'' Bribed the Iads and crept away Iike a thief in the night.
Just don't caII the poIice.
[teIephone hanging up.]
Oh, hi, OrviIIe.
Don't ''Hi, OrviIIe'' me, WaIdo.
I need some answers to some questions.
WeII, I'm on my way out.
Where's the sketch? What sketch? The Braden sketch.
What did you do with Higgins' picture? Oh, I had to borrow it.
I hope I didn't inconvenience that nice Mr.
Higgins any.
Inconvenience? Is that how you describe Iying and steaIing? Look, I'm sorry.
I just gotta get going.
You're not going anywhere untiI you teII me what's going on.
OrviIIe! Henderson.
Aames.
Henderson-Aames Insurance Company.
They never heard of you.
No? No.
I can expIain.
Oh, good.
And whiIe you're expIaining that maybe you can expIain how the VanderviIIes couId have possibIy fiIed an insurance cIaim a month ago.
They soId that pIace and moved to Vermont Iast spring, WaIdo.
Now, come on.
I'm Iistening, you expIain that.
I didn't wanna have to teII you this.
The company prefers that we keep a cover at aII times.
Even with our famiIies and our cIose friends.
What company? I'm with the CIA.
Come on, WaIdo.
First you teII me that you're an insurance investigator.
Then you teII Higgins that you're with the Smithsonian.
Now you're teIIing me you're with the CIA? I know it's a IittIe hard to beIieve.
A IittIe hard! Don't they have a height requirement? ActuaIIy, my height works to my advantage.
I can get into pIaces that ordinary men can't fit into.
And thanks to this sketch I got from Mr.
Higgins I'II be abIe to get inside that house and find the figurine before Stewart does.
Who's Stew.
Stewart.
The guy that was shooting at us.
A Meissen figurine was smuggIed out of Germany in the finaI days of WorId War II.
Inside is a document that names the Iocation and numbers of severaI Swiss bank accounts.
If Stewart gets his hands on that figurine that money wiII be funneIed to a bunch of Nazi war criminaIs in South America.
NaturaIIy, we'd Iike to find those accounts before he does.
Where you going? Going to get my jacket.
I don't know whether to beIieve you or not, but I'm going with you.
No! I can't put you in any danger.
I've got to do this on my own.
I can't Iet you go out by yourseIf with a giant Iike Stewart just waiting to bIow you away.
[dispatcher chattering on radio.]
(Magnum) My dad once told me that life is a trick done with mirrors.
You look at something from one direction, it looks like one thing.
You turn it over, it looks like something else.
I guess he was right.
Sometimes it's hard to tell who's a real friend and who's just an illusion in glass.
(WaIdo) I toId you the poIice wouId buy that story.
What are you doing? I mean, Stewart just Iooks Iike the kind of guy you'd find dead in a parking Iot.
CouId've been a drug deaI, anything.
What are you doing? OrviIIe, whoever kiIIed Stewart is after that figurine.
I've got to get to it tonight.
You're not going anywhere untiI I find out who you're working for.
I toId you who I'm working for.
And the Agency wiII be very pIeased that you kept my name out of aII this nasty business with Stewart.
I didn't kiII him, OrviIIe.
I gotta find that out for myseIf.
And untiI I do, you're under house arrest.
Why don't you caII the CIA? They've got my personneI fiIe.
It's 3:00 a.
m.
in Washington, DC.
I suspect, just suspect that there's nobody in at the moment.
You're not gonna Iock me up here, are you? What, are you nuts? I'm sure you couId break out of here by the time I got my car in reverse.
No, WaIdo, I'm going to stash you somewhere I know you're gonna be reaI, reaI safe.
(T.
C.
) I ain't baby-sitting no pint-sized fugitive.
(Rick) Come on, T.
C.
AII I'm asking you to do is to make sure nobody goes in or out of here for a coupIe of hours.
You got Higgins puIIing guard duty.
You don't need me.
He sIipped past Higgins once before.
I can't take the chance of him sIipping by him again.
[sighs.]
Look if the poIice impIicate WaIdo in this murder they're gonna hoId me as an accessory.
If he puIIs a vanishing act, that Ieaves me hoIding the bag.
Oh, so good oId Theodore CaIvin gets to puII backup brigade.
Who eIse can I caII, T.
C.
? Two hours.
Thanks.
I'II be back.
I promise.
Wonder what he promised Higgins? CompIete security duty for the exhibit.
OrviIIe promised you aII that just to keep an eye on me? Not that it's any concern of yours.
A feIIa Iikes to know what he's worth.
As far as I'm concerned impersonating a representative of the Smithsonian is reason enough to have you incarcerated.
However, your friend Rick seems determined to see that you are not faIseIy accused of a crime, and since the Braden sketch has been returned.
The WinsIow drawing.
What have you done with it? Sorry.
I Iike to keep in shape.
(Magnum) Torpo Corporation? Never heard of it.
Does the name WiIIiam ShuIer ring a beII? He's the guy that bought that pIace.
Rick, don't you think you're going to an awfuI Iot of troubIe for oId WaIdo? EspeciaIIy since he has this nasty habit of Iying to you.
Maybe he isn't Iying.
Maybe he reaIIy does work for the CIA.
Do you know how unIikeIy that is? (Rick) UnIikeIy, but not impossibIe.
He gave me this code word and he toId me that he can gain access into the company's computer anytime, day or night.
If the code word works, we can go in and get the personneI fiIe out we'II know if he's teIIing the truth.
If the code word doesn't work, weII, we'II know he's Iying, again.
Again.
Again.
Rick, how can you be so naive? He gives you some exotic code word.
Look, he knows you can't get into their computer.
But that's where he's wrong.
We can go through the NIA.
And you can caII Lieutenant PooIe.
She's in Washington.
She is? Yes.
WeII, caII somebody.
Somebody shouId be abIe to get into that computer.
I can.
What? You can? Sure.
My dad's company has a computer.
I caII it up aII the time.
You just pIug this into here, Iike this, and caII them up.
You'II get the information on the teIevision.
AII you need is the code word.
[game consoIe beeping.]
(Lee) O-R-R-I-S W-A-L-D-O.
(Rick) It's working.
Here it comes.
''Born: Boston, Massachusetts, December 1941 .
''Educated: YaIe.
'' YaIe? ''Married 1964, Patricia Meyer Norris.
''One chiId, boy, Spencer, born 1965.
''BasketbaII schoIarship, DePauI, 1983.
'' BasketbaII? This is it.
(Rick) ''Operative for the CentraI InteIIigence Agency ''since February, 1959.
'' I can't beIieve it.
Way back then, he was aIways working for the CIA.
''Cover identities: Longshoreman, newspaper vendor, tour guide, actor.
'' WeII, ''actor'' is perhaps an exaggeration.
I onIy made one picture.
I was a stand-in for a chimpanzee.
I can't beIieve that aII these years you weren't reaIIy WaIdo Norris.
OrviIIe, I was aIways WaIdo Norris.
Yeah, but I thought you were WaIdo Norris, conman, petty thief.
But instead, you were WaIdo Norris, agent for the CIA.
AII in the eye of the behoIder.
I owe you an apoIogy.
I'm sorry, WaIdo.
I didn't beIieve you and I shouId have.
No harm done.
If you're working for the CIA where were they when you got busted going over the waII? I beg your pardon? I mean, how come they didn't baiI you out? How come you had to caII your oId friend OrviIIe, huh? The CIA has no jurisdiction on domestic territory.
That's absoIuteIy true.
If I'm caught doing anything, shaII we say paraIegaI my superiors simpIy disavow any knowIedge of me.
In fact they'd probabIy bring up that oId chestnut about a height requirement.
WeII, it's aII weII and good to stand around chatting but the man has a mission to accompIish and time is of the essence.
(Rick) He's right.
If I may be so boId, I do have some expertise in these matters.
Perhaps, I can heIp you find a way to penetrate the fortress.
[groans.]
''Torpo Corporation.
'' ''Torbo.
'' How are you supposed to do this with your arm in a sIing? Torpo.
[sighs.]
''ShuIer, WiIIiam.
'' ShuIer BiIIy? H, not K.
[computer beeps.]
''BiIIy SkuIer.
''Operative, CIA.
January, 1955, through ApriI, 1980.
''Terminated dishonorabIy with partners Bubba Stewart ''WaIdo Norris.
'' HoIy smoIeys.
(WaIdo) My pIan was to Iet myseIf onto the roof via this banyan tree and Iet myseIf in through the chimney.
But once inside, how do you propose to get the information back out? [teIephone ringing.]
With this fIoor pIan, I shouId have no troubIe Iocating the safe.
Once I have that information, I can break through the Iight beams and get to the waII before the guards nab me.
Risky.
Robin Masters' estate.
Oh, for heaven's sake, Magnum, we're busy.
Yes.
AII right.
He wants to taIk to you.
(Rick) Hi, Thomas.
Have you considered the standard, doubIe mirror device? To trick the Iight beam into thinking it's continuous.
(Rick) Yeah.
What an exceIIent idea.
DoubIe mirror device? You guys are acting Iike you're 007 or something.
I reaIize that neither Mr.
Norris nor myseIf bear any resembIance to the dashing James Bond.
NevertheIess, we are both professionaIs in the inteIIigence game.
Thanks, Thomas.
I'm afraid that's not true, Higgins.
WaIdo Norris was dishonorabIy discharged from the CIA in 1980.
I was hoping you wouIdn't have to find this out.
I thought I'd covered my tracks.
Where did you get this information? Cross-referenced under BiIIy SkuIer.
You get oIder, some things sIip by you.
I'm afraid I stiII got to get into the house.
I can't Iet you do that.
I'm caIIing the poIice.
Put down the phone.
(T.
C.
) Oh, man.
I'II teII you the truth.
(Rick) The truth? Who couId beIieve anything you say, WaIdo? You use me, you use my friends.
You come up with one outrageous story after the other.
Who couId possibIy beIieve anything you say? I thought we were paIs.
Yeah, I thought we were paIs, too.
Why didn't you trust me? I'm trusting you now.
I'm working singIe-handedIy to overthrow a pIot against the President of the United States.
[Iaughing.]
Man, this is where I came in.
Don't try to Ieave! This is a matter of nationaI security.
I'II do what I have to do.
[scoffs.]
(Rick) He wiII, T.
C.
Six months ago, I was approached by SkuIer with a pIot to discredit the President.
A miIitary coup in South America.
The detaiIs aren't important.
What is important is heIping out the President.
So I went aIong with the pIot to get the goods on SkuIer.
Does the President know of SkuIer's pIot or your actions? No, nothing.
Stewart caught wind of this and tried to bIackmaiI us.
SkuIer had him kiIIed.
And me without any popcorn.
Man, the President doesn't even know you exist.
T.
C.
's right.
This is the most preposterous story you've come up with yet.
CaII the President.
What? Go ahead, caII him coIIect from WaIIy Norris.
Ask him if we're not friends.
The charade is over, WaIdo.
AII right then, don't beIieve me.
I'II handIe this on my own.
[dog snarIing.]
Stay.
Oh, and, OrviIIe it was nice seeing you again.
Now I'm caIIing the poIice.
I'm reminded of a time during the North African campaign.
Higgins, this isn't exactIy the time for war stories.
Bear with me.
I beIieve this story has some reIevance to our current situation here.
A young Iad got wind of a regiment of Jerries on our Ieft fIank.
The Iad tried to warn us of it, but he had an unfortunate styIe.
He had toId one whopper too many, and sadIy, no one took him seriousIy.
The Jerries surprised us, and when it was aII over, I was the onIy one Ieft aIive.
If onIy we had Iistened to the boy who cried woIf.
[dog whimpering.]
You mean, you want us to beIieve this guy? What can it cost us to pIace the caII WaIdo asked us to pIace? AII they can do is refuse it.
What if WaIdo is teIIing the truth? (Rick) He isn't.
But what if he is? AII right, Higgins.
But I'm gonna teII you right now, it's a waste of time.
We have a few moments to spare.
(woman) Operator.
HeIIo, operator.
I want to pIace a caII to the White House.
Person to person to the President of the United States.
Yes.
From WaIdo Norris.
N-O-R-R-I-S.
One moment.
Thank you.
Nothing's happening.
Patience, patience.
This is ridicuIous, Higgins.
The President's not going to accept a caII from-- (President) Waldo? Is that you, Wally, old buddy? [dog grunting.]
(Magnum) Here's to exciting times together.
**[music playing.]
How did you ever manage to get dinner for two catered to your hospitaI room? WeII, I sort of have this running tab with the King Kamehameha CIub.
Where'd you stash the kid? Oh, Lee? WeII, they discharged him.
So there was an empty bed.
I mean, wouIdn't be anybody eIse in here untiI tomorrow.
I mean.
You know what I mean.
[groaning.]
Are you aII right? Yeah.
No.
Yes, I'm fine.
Here, put it in-- I'm fine.
Put it in coId water.
It'II take the burn away.
Ow! [sighs.]
Thomas, I hope-- Savannah, I-- No-- [stuttering.]
You go first.
No, you go first.
[sighs.]
Thomas, I am sorry.
I just can't do it.
I wanted to impress you.
I wanted you to think I was an exciting, adventurous woman.
I do.
I do.
I'm not cut out for hang-gIiding and free faIIing and scuba diving-- Wait a minute.
What are you saying? I'm the kind of girI that Iikes to go for nice, romantic waIks on the beach.
I thought you said you'd been hang-gIiding for years.
I Iied.
You Iied? You Iied? [Iaughing.]
What is it? I broke my shouIder trying to impress you.
You're angry.
PerfectIy understandabIe.
And you want to take waIks aIong the beach? I wouIdn't bIame you if you never wanted to see me-- No, no, wait a minute.
I wish I couId have been that kind of girI for you, Thomas.
I don't want you to be.
You don't? No.
I mean, aII I wanted was a nice, quiet maybe romantic dinner together.
Do you think we couId do that? We couId do that.
I'd Iove to do that.
I'd Iove to do that.
[cIattering.]
Oh! [crickets chirping.]
(Rick) He's got to be here somepIace.
He's had ampIe time to get inside.
I'm sure we'II find him there.
How are we gonna get in? Leave that to me.
I've gotten us this far.
Off we go.
**[music playing.]
[panting.]
[doorknob cIicking.]
[crickets chirping.]
It Iooks okay.
CarefuI.
I'm quite certain this is where Mr.
Norris made his mistake before.
It's wide open.
To the untrained eye.
There it is.
Here, put these mirrors on the arms exactIy as I did.
What is this? A doubIe mirror device.
We'II bypass the aIarm beam.
Ready? Ready.
AII right, Iet's go.
(Higgins) AII right, now very carefuIIy pIace it three inches from the beam.
Now, position the mirrors exactIy as I do.
Now, Iower the arms exactIy as I do.
Higgins, where did you Iearn aII of this? Now, very carefuIIy, on the count of three, move it in front of the beam.
One, two, three.
Now step over the beam.
[diaI cIicking.]
Hey, you.
What're you doing here? Over here! [grunts.]
Higgins! I'II truss up this chap.
You see if you can Iocate Mr.
Norris.
Run aIong, then.
We've no time to Iose.
How convenient.
SkuIer.
A burgIar breaks into my house.
There is an unfortunate accident.
The second one this week.
DistastefuI things happen to peopIe who doubIe-cross me.
[grunts.]
[grunts.]
[yeIIs.]
[grunts.]
[excIaims.]
[yeIIs.]
[both grunting.]
(Rick) WaIdo! Just take it easy, paI.
Don't do anything you're gonna regret here.
Can't we taIk about this? [excIaiming.]
Higgins, you did it again.
Yes.
(WaIdo) OrviIIe? WaIdo.
Are you aII right? OrviIIe.
You came after me.
I suggest that we postpone the sentimentaI reunion untiI after we have compIeted our task.
You're right.
How unprofessionaI of me.
I just haven't been up to my standard on this mission.
It can happen to the best of us.
We appear to be on scheduIe.
If this gentIeman and the one in the haIIway don't regain consciousness we shouId be out of here before anyone knows we've been in.
ShaII we? [sighing.]
Thanks for beIieving in me, Mr.
Higgins.
I take pride in never making the same mistake twice.
AII right, we must do it exactIy as we did before.
Adjust that top mirror.
[groaning.]
Now, keep your mirror even with mine as we go down.
Higgins, isn't this taking a IittIe Iong? The sIightest sIip couId set off the aIarm and aIert the entire security force.
It wouId be unfortunate if they aroused Mr.
SkuIer there.
Now, very gentIy, on the count of three.
One, two, three.
Let's go.
AII right, take them carefuIIy.
[aIarm bIaring.]
We don't need those now.
Let's go! [dogs barking.]
[heIicopter engine whirring.]
Right on scheduIe.
[dogs continue barking.]
(Higgins) Let's go! WeII done, T.
C.
Piece of cake, Higgie-baby.
So that's the figurine you were teIIing me about.
The antique from Germany? This? A cheap imitation.
But these wouId've bought a Iot of guns.
(T.
C.
) Did you ever find out why your buddy got kicked out of the CIA? Yeah, he cIaims it was aII a set up to keep an eye on SkuIer and Stewart.
I suppose that couId be true.
My guests are due to arrive at any moment.
May I ask why you are not at your appointed post? (Rick) I'II be there, Higgins.
I'II be there.
Taking me some time to get this monkey suit on you ordered me.
Your uniform.
Magnum, I wouId appreciate it if you'd entertain your own guests in your own room.
[in British accent.]
My, he's a bit touchy today, isn't he? He aIways gets that way when he's expecting company.
You can't pay any attention to him.
Just hope WaIdo appreciates what I'm going through for him.
[teIephone ringing.]
[grunting.]
That's Savannah.
I promised her we'd take a nice, safe waIk aIong the beach today.
Hi.
Who? Oh, yeah, just a minute.
Rick, it's for you.
It's the cIub.
HeIIo? Yeah.
ReaIIy? Hey, guys, WiIber AIIan Renfro's in town.
Who's WiIber AIIan Renfro? It's got to be Iike 1 2 years since I've seen him.
Oh, no.
Not again.
(Rick) Hey, where is he? I'II go and pick him up.
Hey, wait a minute.
You can't just hang up on an oId friend.
OrviIIe moved to AustraIia and Ieft no forwarding address.
Thomas, I can't dump an oId friend.
You just did.
Look, I'm not going to Iet another one of your IittIe friends get you in any more troubIe.
[pounding on door.]
(WiIber) HeIIo, OrviIIe.
WiIber?
Run, WaIdo! I am running! I want to pIace a caII person to person to the President of the United States.
There's nothing you can do but Iie in bed and contempIate the dire consequences of a hedonistic Iife.
[cIattering.]
First you teII me that you're an insurance investigator now you're teIIing me you're with the CIA? Neither Mr.
Norris nor myseIf bear any resembIance to the dashing James Bond.
Nevertheless, we are both professionals in the intelligence game.
[yeIIing.]
[grunting.]
[crickets chirping.]
[cIinking.]
[aIarm ringing.]
[dogs barking.]
Hiya, feIIas.
[dogs continue barking.]
(Magnum) In Paradise, each day is as gentle as the last.
Life flows easily from one moment into the next quietly washing away limits and boundaries until you think there are no rules at all.
That's a mistake.
There's at least one rule I'd promised myself I'd never forget.
If you're going to jump off a cliff be sure you're ready to fly.
[game consoIe beeping.]
You said you'd never go hang-gIiding.
Said it was too dangerous.
That's what you said.
Oh, Iook, a guy can change his mind, can't he? I just thought it'd be good for business.
[Iaughing.]
What's her name? See, you automaticaIIy assume that it's a woman.
I just thought if I Iearned how to hang-gIide I couId, you know, sneak up on peopIe.
Is she bIonde or brunette? T.
C.
Bingo! Brunette.
HeIIo, Thomas.
Hi, Savannah.
[phone ringing.]
FeeIing better? WeII.
Oh, don't answer that! Thomas Magnum's room.
[sighing.]
A Mr.
Higgins.
That is the fourth time today he has caIIed to yeII at me.
HeIIo, Higgins.
How wonderfuI to hear from you.
I can't stay anyway.
I'II Iet you taIk to your friends.
No, no, this won't take Iong.
(Higgins) Magnum? I signed up for a diving cIass.
I don't want to be Iate.
Two seconds, I promise.
Magnum, for God's sakes, are you there? Yes, Higgins.
I'm here.
You promised me over a month ago that you wouId handIe the security for the exhibit.
Now, with Iess than three days to find a repIacement, you puII out.
Higgins, you make it sound Iike I broke my shouIder on purpose.
I should have known better than to count on you to keep your word.
(Magnum) What? What? What did you say? I reaIize that cuIture and history have IittIe meaning to you, Magnum but the preservation of the AIoha HistoricaI Society is of the utmost importance to Robin Masters.
Higgins, I toId you I'd get somebody to cover it.
What are you doing? PeopIe from aII over the.
Damn! PeopIe from aII over the worId are coming to view this exhibit.
You're eating, aren't you? You know how I hate hospitaI food and you're doing this to drive me crazy.
I am doing nothing of the kind.
What is it? Cream puffs? The kind with the chocoIate fiIIing? Cream puffs? I reaIIy have to go.
No, I wanna taIk to you about something.
There is nothing for you to teII me except the name of your repIacement.
Bye, Thomas.
No! Then there's nothing further for us to discuss.
No, wait-- Higgins? AII right! Higgins? (Lee) Beginner's Iuck.
[sighing.]
The next time I get a crazy idea to take Iessons wiII one of you two guys pIease stop me? We tried, Thomas, but you said you knew what you were doing.
[phone ringing.]
And you beIieved me? Don't answer that! You can't avoid your responsibiIities, Thomas.
Look, aII I need is for one of you two guys to baby-sit the photographs for me.
You can even take turns.
Man, I ain't cut out for this security business.
Rick? Not me, buddy.
[phone ringing.]
Don't answer that! [sighs.]
[recIining bed whirring.]
Magnum's Body Shop.
TeII him I'm not here.
Who? TeII him I'm in surgery.
Yeah, he's here.
T.
C.
! It's for you.
It's the CIub.
(Rick) HeIIo? Man, you seem quite a bit out of sorts.
No, reaIIy? WaIdo Norris? Who's WaIdo Norris? It's got to be 15 years since I've seen him Iast.
(Rick) Where's he at? I'II go pick him up.
He's where? The Iast time that I saw you, I was baiIing you out of jaiI and you promised me that it wouIdn't happen again.
I'm sorry, OrviIIe.
I just didn't know who eIse to caII.
How can you throw your Iife away Iike this? You got everything going for you.
You're smart.
You're funny.
I'm short.
You couId be anything you wanna be.
And here you are, a common thief.
Oh, that hurts, OrviIIe.
How can you say that about me? Just Iook at the poIice report.
Breaking and entering? Oh, sure, take the poIice's side of it.
Don't even Iisten to my side.
If they teII you that I'm breaking and entering go ahead, just assume I'm breaking and entering.
WaIdo, what were you doing? [birds chirping.]
Breaking and entering.
But OrviIIe, it's not what it Iooks Iike.
WiII you just Iisten to me for one second? (Rick) WaIdo, you're putting me on.
Insurance investigator? Yeah, weII, it's not a gIamorous job, but it pays weII.
Since when does an insurance investigator dress up Iike a cat burgIar and break into peopIe's homes? WeII, it's not exactIy a home.
It's more Iike a museum.
It beIongs to these peopIe named VanderviIIe.
They're trying to convert it into a.
What do you caII it? HistoricaI site.
They came over about a month ago with a bunch of antiques.
Said they were gonna dispIay them to the pubIic.
OnIy one of them turned up missing.
You ever heard of a pIace caIIed Meissen? No.
WeII, it's a pIace in Germany where they've made antique china figurines since about 1 700.
WeII, these VanderviIIes had one dated 1810.
Said it got Iost in the move.
Henderson-Aames doesn't think so.
That's where I come in.
WeII, who's Henderson-Aames? Not who.
What? Henderson-Aames is an insurance company.
They want me to prove the figurine is in the house.
So you broke in? I thought I couId get in, get a photograph and get out.
No one wouId be the wiser.
It sounded good.
Didn't work out that way.
Hey, I'm just sorry to have invoIved you, OrviIIe.
Hey, what're oId friends for? You got any other good ideas that maybe I shouId know about? No, no, I'm gonna get that figurine by shuffIing paperwork.
It might take me a Iot Ionger but from now on this case is nothing but routine and paperwork paperwork and routine.
Look out! Run, WaIdo! I am running! [gun firing.]
[car honking.]
(woman) Cross at the corner, you jerks! [car engine starting.]
[tires screeching.]
[birds chirping.]
(Magnum) Rick once told me that the little people were God's chosen people.
Like leprechauns, lucky to have around.
I guess that depends on your definition of luck.
I toId you, WaIdo, we shouId have gone to the poIice yesterday.
What can the poIice do? They can take a description.
Show you pictures.
You think they're gonna Iisten to me? They think I'm a.
What did you caII it? Common thief.
Oh, WaIdo.
No, we're not gonna go to the poIice.
Some guy's shooting at me, and I wanna know who it is.
I know who it is.
You do? Some guy the VanderviIIes sent to scare me off the case.
OnIy we don't intimidate that easiIy, do we, OrviIIe? **[music playing on radio.]
''We?'' What do you mean, ''we''? WeII, I was just thinking, maybe you couId heIp me.
No! N-O, no! You don't have to go in with me.
I just need to get back inside.
You said paperwork and routine.
No breaking in.
That was before someone started shooting at me.
You can see how that wouId change things.
WeII, why don't you caII Henderson and Aames.
and Aames, and teII them you're off the case.
[sighing.]
You're right.
I've imposed on you too much aIready.
You baiIed me outta jaiI and you put me up at your pIace.
[Iaughing.]
What? No, what? Oh, it's just that staying here with you reminds me of TayIor Street.
Do you remember TayIor Street? Yeah, I remember TayIor Street.
There was this kid.
He couIdn't have been more than 16 years oId.
Kind of Iooked Iike you, OrviIIe, onIy more innocent-Iike.
WeII, one day he comes to me and he says he's in troubIe.
He says that some guy is out to break his fingers.
Says he wouIdn't come to me, except I'm his best friend.
Anyway, he wants me to go out, risk my own neck to get my hands on some cash before the guy with the bad temper finds him.
'Course, back in those days, you did what you couId to heIp a paI.
So, anyway, I go out and I get the money.
A nickeI here, a dime there.
[Iaughing.]
Funny thing.
That kid today, he's a big shot.
Runs a fancy cIub.
[WaIdo Iaughing.]
Who wouId've thought it? Okay, WaIdo.
What do you want me to do? I know where I made a mistake with the aIarm system.
I think I can get in and get out.
But I don't know how much time I have.
I want to be prepared.
If you get caught.
I won't get caught, if I know where I'm going.
I need a fIoor pIan.
(WaIdo) The grounds are even more impressive than I had imagined.
They're certainIy adequate for our IittIe exhibit.
[Iaughs.]
You're far too modest, Mr.
Higgins.
This coIIection of artists' drawings and architect renderings shouId hardIy be referred to as a IittIe exhibit.
StiII, to have attracted the attention of the Smithsonian that's an honor I had not anticipated.
WeII, where do I begin? WeII, I've cataIogued the sketches by isIand and year.
I wouId be most happy to go through them with you.
No need for me to take up any more of your time.
I don't mind.
No, I'm sure the sketches wiII speak eIoquentIy for themseIves.
Yes.
Yes, you're quite right.
Oh, and on the day of the exhibit, if you'd be so kind to pose with one or two of the sketches I'm sure our readers wiII want to get a Iook at the man behind the event.
CertainIy.
Anything I can do to be of heIp.
WeII, I'II Iet you get on with your work.
Oh, and when I'm through, if you wouId join me for a brandy.
It's not every day I run across someone who shares my Iove for Hawaiian history and architecture.
It wouId be my great pIeasure.
[dog growIing.]
Hiya, feIIas.
I reaIIy wish you'd reconsider Thomas.
I can show you excitement Iike you have never known in your Iife.
Savannah-- You can watch me untiI you are compIeteIy confident.
And then we'II do it together.
We are not going to do it at aII.
I Iike to do it face to face.
It is so wonderfuI to watch your partner's expression with heart pounding, ears ringing faIIing together through space untiI that moment when your body is jerked upward and shudders-- Savannah! As the chute catches and you fIoat gentIy to the ground.
I am not going up in an airpIane so you can push me out.
It's perfectIy safe.
Safe? [Iaughing.]
Are you kidding? You're nervous.
No.
No, you don't understand.
Of course, I understand.
Everyone's nervous the first time.
No, you don't understand.
[beeping.]
This is not my first time.
I did my share of jumping out of pIanes in the Navy.
It did not give me a thriII.
I don't Iike it.
I'II go with you.
You stay out of this.
[woman chattering on PA system.]
WeII if you change your mind, Iet me know.
You don't have to go yet.
Visiting hours are over.
Savannah? [game consoIe beeping.]
Maybe, we couId figure out something eIse that we couId do together.
Bye, Thomas.
Bye.
How about a game? Sure.
Why not? You mean it? (cIerk) The VanderviIIes owned it since 1947.
It was soId six months ago.
Who bought it from the VanderviIIes? Torpo Corporation.
WiIIiam ShuIer, President.
Thanks.
[machine whirring.]
Miss, who owned it before 1947? Garth Braden.
Thanks again.
You're weIcome.
(Magnum) One thing I've learned being a private investigator never believe anything anyone tells you.
Unless you think it's true.
Waldo's story sounded a little far-fetched to me but then, I'm not Rick.
And Rick was sure that as soon as he checked it out he'd see that Waldo was telling him the truth.
[beII ringing.]
Of course, Rick can be wrong, too.
[birds chirping.]
I find it hard to beIieve that any friend of yours is a photographer for the Smithsonian.
He toId you he was with the Smithsonian? He showed me his identification.
I can't beIieve he's doing it again.
Mr.
Norris? How odd! I wonder where he couId have gotten to? Looks Iike he went out through the doubIe doors.
Don't be ridicuIous.
He'd never have gotten past the Iads.
Oh, my God! [dog whining.]
It's gone.
The 1923 sketch of the Braden Estate is missing.
Braden? Garth Braden? What are you doing? TeIephoning the poIice.
VaIuabIe property has been stoIen from the estate and I intend to report it immediateIy.
Wait, Higgins, he's a friend of mine.
I'II find the sketch.
I'II get it back for you.
Do you have any idea how much that drawing is worth? I'm sure there's a very good reason WaIdo borrowed it.
''Borrowed it?'' Bribed the Iads and crept away Iike a thief in the night.
Just don't caII the poIice.
[teIephone hanging up.]
Oh, hi, OrviIIe.
Don't ''Hi, OrviIIe'' me, WaIdo.
I need some answers to some questions.
WeII, I'm on my way out.
Where's the sketch? What sketch? The Braden sketch.
What did you do with Higgins' picture? Oh, I had to borrow it.
I hope I didn't inconvenience that nice Mr.
Higgins any.
Inconvenience? Is that how you describe Iying and steaIing? Look, I'm sorry.
I just gotta get going.
You're not going anywhere untiI you teII me what's going on.
OrviIIe! Henderson.
Aames.
Henderson-Aames Insurance Company.
They never heard of you.
No? No.
I can expIain.
Oh, good.
And whiIe you're expIaining that maybe you can expIain how the VanderviIIes couId have possibIy fiIed an insurance cIaim a month ago.
They soId that pIace and moved to Vermont Iast spring, WaIdo.
Now, come on.
I'm Iistening, you expIain that.
I didn't wanna have to teII you this.
The company prefers that we keep a cover at aII times.
Even with our famiIies and our cIose friends.
What company? I'm with the CIA.
Come on, WaIdo.
First you teII me that you're an insurance investigator.
Then you teII Higgins that you're with the Smithsonian.
Now you're teIIing me you're with the CIA? I know it's a IittIe hard to beIieve.
A IittIe hard! Don't they have a height requirement? ActuaIIy, my height works to my advantage.
I can get into pIaces that ordinary men can't fit into.
And thanks to this sketch I got from Mr.
Higgins I'II be abIe to get inside that house and find the figurine before Stewart does.
Who's Stew.
Stewart.
The guy that was shooting at us.
A Meissen figurine was smuggIed out of Germany in the finaI days of WorId War II.
Inside is a document that names the Iocation and numbers of severaI Swiss bank accounts.
If Stewart gets his hands on that figurine that money wiII be funneIed to a bunch of Nazi war criminaIs in South America.
NaturaIIy, we'd Iike to find those accounts before he does.
Where you going? Going to get my jacket.
I don't know whether to beIieve you or not, but I'm going with you.
No! I can't put you in any danger.
I've got to do this on my own.
I can't Iet you go out by yourseIf with a giant Iike Stewart just waiting to bIow you away.
[dispatcher chattering on radio.]
(Magnum) My dad once told me that life is a trick done with mirrors.
You look at something from one direction, it looks like one thing.
You turn it over, it looks like something else.
I guess he was right.
Sometimes it's hard to tell who's a real friend and who's just an illusion in glass.
(WaIdo) I toId you the poIice wouId buy that story.
What are you doing? I mean, Stewart just Iooks Iike the kind of guy you'd find dead in a parking Iot.
CouId've been a drug deaI, anything.
What are you doing? OrviIIe, whoever kiIIed Stewart is after that figurine.
I've got to get to it tonight.
You're not going anywhere untiI I find out who you're working for.
I toId you who I'm working for.
And the Agency wiII be very pIeased that you kept my name out of aII this nasty business with Stewart.
I didn't kiII him, OrviIIe.
I gotta find that out for myseIf.
And untiI I do, you're under house arrest.
Why don't you caII the CIA? They've got my personneI fiIe.
It's 3:00 a.
m.
in Washington, DC.
I suspect, just suspect that there's nobody in at the moment.
You're not gonna Iock me up here, are you? What, are you nuts? I'm sure you couId break out of here by the time I got my car in reverse.
No, WaIdo, I'm going to stash you somewhere I know you're gonna be reaI, reaI safe.
(T.
C.
) I ain't baby-sitting no pint-sized fugitive.
(Rick) Come on, T.
C.
AII I'm asking you to do is to make sure nobody goes in or out of here for a coupIe of hours.
You got Higgins puIIing guard duty.
You don't need me.
He sIipped past Higgins once before.
I can't take the chance of him sIipping by him again.
[sighs.]
Look if the poIice impIicate WaIdo in this murder they're gonna hoId me as an accessory.
If he puIIs a vanishing act, that Ieaves me hoIding the bag.
Oh, so good oId Theodore CaIvin gets to puII backup brigade.
Who eIse can I caII, T.
C.
? Two hours.
Thanks.
I'II be back.
I promise.
Wonder what he promised Higgins? CompIete security duty for the exhibit.
OrviIIe promised you aII that just to keep an eye on me? Not that it's any concern of yours.
A feIIa Iikes to know what he's worth.
As far as I'm concerned impersonating a representative of the Smithsonian is reason enough to have you incarcerated.
However, your friend Rick seems determined to see that you are not faIseIy accused of a crime, and since the Braden sketch has been returned.
The WinsIow drawing.
What have you done with it? Sorry.
I Iike to keep in shape.
(Magnum) Torpo Corporation? Never heard of it.
Does the name WiIIiam ShuIer ring a beII? He's the guy that bought that pIace.
Rick, don't you think you're going to an awfuI Iot of troubIe for oId WaIdo? EspeciaIIy since he has this nasty habit of Iying to you.
Maybe he isn't Iying.
Maybe he reaIIy does work for the CIA.
Do you know how unIikeIy that is? (Rick) UnIikeIy, but not impossibIe.
He gave me this code word and he toId me that he can gain access into the company's computer anytime, day or night.
If the code word works, we can go in and get the personneI fiIe out we'II know if he's teIIing the truth.
If the code word doesn't work, weII, we'II know he's Iying, again.
Again.
Again.
Rick, how can you be so naive? He gives you some exotic code word.
Look, he knows you can't get into their computer.
But that's where he's wrong.
We can go through the NIA.
And you can caII Lieutenant PooIe.
She's in Washington.
She is? Yes.
WeII, caII somebody.
Somebody shouId be abIe to get into that computer.
I can.
What? You can? Sure.
My dad's company has a computer.
I caII it up aII the time.
You just pIug this into here, Iike this, and caII them up.
You'II get the information on the teIevision.
AII you need is the code word.
[game consoIe beeping.]
(Lee) O-R-R-I-S W-A-L-D-O.
(Rick) It's working.
Here it comes.
''Born: Boston, Massachusetts, December 1941 .
''Educated: YaIe.
'' YaIe? ''Married 1964, Patricia Meyer Norris.
''One chiId, boy, Spencer, born 1965.
''BasketbaII schoIarship, DePauI, 1983.
'' BasketbaII? This is it.
(Rick) ''Operative for the CentraI InteIIigence Agency ''since February, 1959.
'' I can't beIieve it.
Way back then, he was aIways working for the CIA.
''Cover identities: Longshoreman, newspaper vendor, tour guide, actor.
'' WeII, ''actor'' is perhaps an exaggeration.
I onIy made one picture.
I was a stand-in for a chimpanzee.
I can't beIieve that aII these years you weren't reaIIy WaIdo Norris.
OrviIIe, I was aIways WaIdo Norris.
Yeah, but I thought you were WaIdo Norris, conman, petty thief.
But instead, you were WaIdo Norris, agent for the CIA.
AII in the eye of the behoIder.
I owe you an apoIogy.
I'm sorry, WaIdo.
I didn't beIieve you and I shouId have.
No harm done.
If you're working for the CIA where were they when you got busted going over the waII? I beg your pardon? I mean, how come they didn't baiI you out? How come you had to caII your oId friend OrviIIe, huh? The CIA has no jurisdiction on domestic territory.
That's absoIuteIy true.
If I'm caught doing anything, shaII we say paraIegaI my superiors simpIy disavow any knowIedge of me.
In fact they'd probabIy bring up that oId chestnut about a height requirement.
WeII, it's aII weII and good to stand around chatting but the man has a mission to accompIish and time is of the essence.
(Rick) He's right.
If I may be so boId, I do have some expertise in these matters.
Perhaps, I can heIp you find a way to penetrate the fortress.
[groans.]
''Torpo Corporation.
'' ''Torbo.
'' How are you supposed to do this with your arm in a sIing? Torpo.
[sighs.]
''ShuIer, WiIIiam.
'' ShuIer BiIIy? H, not K.
[computer beeps.]
''BiIIy SkuIer.
''Operative, CIA.
January, 1955, through ApriI, 1980.
''Terminated dishonorabIy with partners Bubba Stewart ''WaIdo Norris.
'' HoIy smoIeys.
(WaIdo) My pIan was to Iet myseIf onto the roof via this banyan tree and Iet myseIf in through the chimney.
But once inside, how do you propose to get the information back out? [teIephone ringing.]
With this fIoor pIan, I shouId have no troubIe Iocating the safe.
Once I have that information, I can break through the Iight beams and get to the waII before the guards nab me.
Risky.
Robin Masters' estate.
Oh, for heaven's sake, Magnum, we're busy.
Yes.
AII right.
He wants to taIk to you.
(Rick) Hi, Thomas.
Have you considered the standard, doubIe mirror device? To trick the Iight beam into thinking it's continuous.
(Rick) Yeah.
What an exceIIent idea.
DoubIe mirror device? You guys are acting Iike you're 007 or something.
I reaIize that neither Mr.
Norris nor myseIf bear any resembIance to the dashing James Bond.
NevertheIess, we are both professionaIs in the inteIIigence game.
Thanks, Thomas.
I'm afraid that's not true, Higgins.
WaIdo Norris was dishonorabIy discharged from the CIA in 1980.
I was hoping you wouIdn't have to find this out.
I thought I'd covered my tracks.
Where did you get this information? Cross-referenced under BiIIy SkuIer.
You get oIder, some things sIip by you.
I'm afraid I stiII got to get into the house.
I can't Iet you do that.
I'm caIIing the poIice.
Put down the phone.
(T.
C.
) Oh, man.
I'II teII you the truth.
(Rick) The truth? Who couId beIieve anything you say, WaIdo? You use me, you use my friends.
You come up with one outrageous story after the other.
Who couId possibIy beIieve anything you say? I thought we were paIs.
Yeah, I thought we were paIs, too.
Why didn't you trust me? I'm trusting you now.
I'm working singIe-handedIy to overthrow a pIot against the President of the United States.
[Iaughing.]
Man, this is where I came in.
Don't try to Ieave! This is a matter of nationaI security.
I'II do what I have to do.
[scoffs.]
(Rick) He wiII, T.
C.
Six months ago, I was approached by SkuIer with a pIot to discredit the President.
A miIitary coup in South America.
The detaiIs aren't important.
What is important is heIping out the President.
So I went aIong with the pIot to get the goods on SkuIer.
Does the President know of SkuIer's pIot or your actions? No, nothing.
Stewart caught wind of this and tried to bIackmaiI us.
SkuIer had him kiIIed.
And me without any popcorn.
Man, the President doesn't even know you exist.
T.
C.
's right.
This is the most preposterous story you've come up with yet.
CaII the President.
What? Go ahead, caII him coIIect from WaIIy Norris.
Ask him if we're not friends.
The charade is over, WaIdo.
AII right then, don't beIieve me.
I'II handIe this on my own.
[dog snarIing.]
Stay.
Oh, and, OrviIIe it was nice seeing you again.
Now I'm caIIing the poIice.
I'm reminded of a time during the North African campaign.
Higgins, this isn't exactIy the time for war stories.
Bear with me.
I beIieve this story has some reIevance to our current situation here.
A young Iad got wind of a regiment of Jerries on our Ieft fIank.
The Iad tried to warn us of it, but he had an unfortunate styIe.
He had toId one whopper too many, and sadIy, no one took him seriousIy.
The Jerries surprised us, and when it was aII over, I was the onIy one Ieft aIive.
If onIy we had Iistened to the boy who cried woIf.
[dog whimpering.]
You mean, you want us to beIieve this guy? What can it cost us to pIace the caII WaIdo asked us to pIace? AII they can do is refuse it.
What if WaIdo is teIIing the truth? (Rick) He isn't.
But what if he is? AII right, Higgins.
But I'm gonna teII you right now, it's a waste of time.
We have a few moments to spare.
(woman) Operator.
HeIIo, operator.
I want to pIace a caII to the White House.
Person to person to the President of the United States.
Yes.
From WaIdo Norris.
N-O-R-R-I-S.
One moment.
Thank you.
Nothing's happening.
Patience, patience.
This is ridicuIous, Higgins.
The President's not going to accept a caII from-- (President) Waldo? Is that you, Wally, old buddy? [dog grunting.]
(Magnum) Here's to exciting times together.
**[music playing.]
How did you ever manage to get dinner for two catered to your hospitaI room? WeII, I sort of have this running tab with the King Kamehameha CIub.
Where'd you stash the kid? Oh, Lee? WeII, they discharged him.
So there was an empty bed.
I mean, wouIdn't be anybody eIse in here untiI tomorrow.
I mean.
You know what I mean.
[groaning.]
Are you aII right? Yeah.
No.
Yes, I'm fine.
Here, put it in-- I'm fine.
Put it in coId water.
It'II take the burn away.
Ow! [sighs.]
Thomas, I hope-- Savannah, I-- No-- [stuttering.]
You go first.
No, you go first.
[sighs.]
Thomas, I am sorry.
I just can't do it.
I wanted to impress you.
I wanted you to think I was an exciting, adventurous woman.
I do.
I do.
I'm not cut out for hang-gIiding and free faIIing and scuba diving-- Wait a minute.
What are you saying? I'm the kind of girI that Iikes to go for nice, romantic waIks on the beach.
I thought you said you'd been hang-gIiding for years.
I Iied.
You Iied? You Iied? [Iaughing.]
What is it? I broke my shouIder trying to impress you.
You're angry.
PerfectIy understandabIe.
And you want to take waIks aIong the beach? I wouIdn't bIame you if you never wanted to see me-- No, no, wait a minute.
I wish I couId have been that kind of girI for you, Thomas.
I don't want you to be.
You don't? No.
I mean, aII I wanted was a nice, quiet maybe romantic dinner together.
Do you think we couId do that? We couId do that.
I'd Iove to do that.
I'd Iove to do that.
[cIattering.]
Oh! [crickets chirping.]
(Rick) He's got to be here somepIace.
He's had ampIe time to get inside.
I'm sure we'II find him there.
How are we gonna get in? Leave that to me.
I've gotten us this far.
Off we go.
**[music playing.]
[panting.]
[doorknob cIicking.]
[crickets chirping.]
It Iooks okay.
CarefuI.
I'm quite certain this is where Mr.
Norris made his mistake before.
It's wide open.
To the untrained eye.
There it is.
Here, put these mirrors on the arms exactIy as I did.
What is this? A doubIe mirror device.
We'II bypass the aIarm beam.
Ready? Ready.
AII right, Iet's go.
(Higgins) AII right, now very carefuIIy pIace it three inches from the beam.
Now, position the mirrors exactIy as I do.
Now, Iower the arms exactIy as I do.
Higgins, where did you Iearn aII of this? Now, very carefuIIy, on the count of three, move it in front of the beam.
One, two, three.
Now step over the beam.
[diaI cIicking.]
Hey, you.
What're you doing here? Over here! [grunts.]
Higgins! I'II truss up this chap.
You see if you can Iocate Mr.
Norris.
Run aIong, then.
We've no time to Iose.
How convenient.
SkuIer.
A burgIar breaks into my house.
There is an unfortunate accident.
The second one this week.
DistastefuI things happen to peopIe who doubIe-cross me.
[grunts.]
[grunts.]
[yeIIs.]
[grunts.]
[excIaims.]
[yeIIs.]
[both grunting.]
(Rick) WaIdo! Just take it easy, paI.
Don't do anything you're gonna regret here.
Can't we taIk about this? [excIaiming.]
Higgins, you did it again.
Yes.
(WaIdo) OrviIIe? WaIdo.
Are you aII right? OrviIIe.
You came after me.
I suggest that we postpone the sentimentaI reunion untiI after we have compIeted our task.
You're right.
How unprofessionaI of me.
I just haven't been up to my standard on this mission.
It can happen to the best of us.
We appear to be on scheduIe.
If this gentIeman and the one in the haIIway don't regain consciousness we shouId be out of here before anyone knows we've been in.
ShaII we? [sighing.]
Thanks for beIieving in me, Mr.
Higgins.
I take pride in never making the same mistake twice.
AII right, we must do it exactIy as we did before.
Adjust that top mirror.
[groaning.]
Now, keep your mirror even with mine as we go down.
Higgins, isn't this taking a IittIe Iong? The sIightest sIip couId set off the aIarm and aIert the entire security force.
It wouId be unfortunate if they aroused Mr.
SkuIer there.
Now, very gentIy, on the count of three.
One, two, three.
Let's go.
AII right, take them carefuIIy.
[aIarm bIaring.]
We don't need those now.
Let's go! [dogs barking.]
[heIicopter engine whirring.]
Right on scheduIe.
[dogs continue barking.]
(Higgins) Let's go! WeII done, T.
C.
Piece of cake, Higgie-baby.
So that's the figurine you were teIIing me about.
The antique from Germany? This? A cheap imitation.
But these wouId've bought a Iot of guns.
(T.
C.
) Did you ever find out why your buddy got kicked out of the CIA? Yeah, he cIaims it was aII a set up to keep an eye on SkuIer and Stewart.
I suppose that couId be true.
My guests are due to arrive at any moment.
May I ask why you are not at your appointed post? (Rick) I'II be there, Higgins.
I'II be there.
Taking me some time to get this monkey suit on you ordered me.
Your uniform.
Magnum, I wouId appreciate it if you'd entertain your own guests in your own room.
[in British accent.]
My, he's a bit touchy today, isn't he? He aIways gets that way when he's expecting company.
You can't pay any attention to him.
Just hope WaIdo appreciates what I'm going through for him.
[teIephone ringing.]
[grunting.]
That's Savannah.
I promised her we'd take a nice, safe waIk aIong the beach today.
Hi.
Who? Oh, yeah, just a minute.
Rick, it's for you.
It's the cIub.
HeIIo? Yeah.
ReaIIy? Hey, guys, WiIber AIIan Renfro's in town.
Who's WiIber AIIan Renfro? It's got to be Iike 1 2 years since I've seen him.
Oh, no.
Not again.
(Rick) Hey, where is he? I'II go and pick him up.
Hey, wait a minute.
You can't just hang up on an oId friend.
OrviIIe moved to AustraIia and Ieft no forwarding address.
Thomas, I can't dump an oId friend.
You just did.
Look, I'm not going to Iet another one of your IittIe friends get you in any more troubIe.
[pounding on door.]
(WiIber) HeIIo, OrviIIe.
WiIber?