Mount Pleasant (2011) s04e03 Episode Script

You've been through this.
What did you do all day? Feed her.
Change her.
- Didn't you get bored? - No.
No, no me neither.
I would not hire anyone without talking to you first.
Start tomorrow, nice and early.
Welcome aboard and all that.
Aaargh! Drink up.
You're coming home with me.
Exactly how much danger are they in? Every morning at 10am, you'll get a text message.
It'll be blank.
You ever look at your watch and it's 10:01 and that message is not there, you get them out the house, and you drive.
This isn't really just a visit.
I'm back for good.
I'm going back to work.
Who's meant to be looking after Molly while you're doing that? You get back to work and I'll look after her.
She couldn't be in better hands.
That's what I was put on this earth to do, you know.
I've just got her down.
Quiet.
# Sail away with me to another world # And we'll rely on each other Aha From one lover to another Aha She must need her nappy changing.
Hey! Not in the kitchen.
Clear! Maybe she's just trying to tell you how much she's gonna miss you.
Stop it! I feel bad enough as it is already.
Where's me dad? I should have been gone five minutes ago.
And you're absolutely positive it's not too soon to be going back? It'll be a couple of days a week, max.
You haven't told Fergus yet? He's not answering my calls.
He doesn't know you're coming, does he? Surprise! Oh! At least you don't have to deal with your handsome, charming, lying, cheating brother.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not that one! That's my lucky shirt.
You can't just throw it in one of your boil washes.
Saves on the 'leccy if I stick it all in with mine.
Never do that with your dad's stuff.
Not with the stains you find in his pants.
Enough information already! Course, now you've paid me back that grand you borrowed, I don't need to have to worry about bills.
Why did you lie? Look at him, Mum.
My responsible older brother - perfect family, successful business.
Then there's me Truth is, I've not been entirely honest about a few things.
What things? I don't want you to stress, OK.
It's just I got fired.
From the bar in New York.
Oh, that's nothing.
I've been fired .
.
18 times.
You should have told me.
I had a bit of a thing with the boss's wife.
I think I'm what they call collateral damage.
I can help out.
I'm not taking any more money.
And I will pay you back.
But things are a little tight at the moment.
We'll sort something out.
I mean it, Mum.
I want to stand on my own two feet.
And you will.
Leave it to me.
It's what mums are for.
You are doing my head in.
Will you just let this Robbie thing drop? Ta-da! Isn't it great? You put the milk in there, and then it comes out there.
So it's just like being with Mummy.
Dad um You do know that I'm not breastfeeding? That's your decision and I respect that, lass.
I just hope you can do the same with mine.
Hey! Come here.
Ha ha ha! Am I a knockout or what? What.
What? What? Why do you keep saying "what"? You said, "Am I a knockout or what?" My reply is, "What?" In an alternate universe, that translates as, "you don't like it".
Oh, no, I do.
I think you look like a right Bobby Dazzler.
I just don't think it's right for tonight.
What's wrong with it? Well, this bar opening's a big VIP event.
Full of models, celebrities.
It's meant to be champagne chic not '70s disco.
Well, maybe I don't want to hang out with a load of teenagers and WAGS anyway.
But you promised.
Give it a rest, Denise.
Models and celebrities! You'd think you were saving the world, the way you go on.
I best get to the office.
I'll get changed first, though.
Are you sure you're gonna be OK, Dad? Stop worrying.
We're going to have a lovely time, aren't we, angel? Be good for your grandad.
Have a great first day back, love.
Ooh! A malfunction.
Wow.
You've got good taste.
Yeah.
And when Bradley comes home, he'll realise exactly how expensive that good taste is.
Don't worry.
Brads always gives me what I want.
Coffee? Yeah, great.
Morning, campers.
What the frig is that? It's good, innit? I feel like Elton.
Back in a jiffy.
Hope you don't expect me to strap one of them things on.
The thought had never crossed my mind.
But now that is has, I think I might be scarred for life.
Least you got to suck on the real thing.
Mum! I'm in a bit of a rush, so Busy day? Very, so if you don't mind You must be shattered working all hours, eh? Looking after a new baby.
Aw Tell me about it.
You could do with another pair of hands.
Someone reliable, hardworking, trustworthy.
No.
Absolutely not.
He's your brother! He's a liability.
Oi! He's going through a very difficult time.
Some mentalist in New York got him fired He told you? Your brother was in trouble and you didn't think tell me? Why am I the one copping the flak?! Cos you're his brother.
And you're going to take him on for a day.
A trial run.
Oh, Dan If his own family won't help him Fine.
Die! Die, you bugger! Come on! Slaughter him! I thought you were supposed to be working.
No, I am.
Honestly.
Listen, Bianca.
Listen to this.
"Bear one another's burdens and so fulfil the law of Christ.
" It's my sermon.
It's all about helping one another.
To be honest, I could read out the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody and they'd be none the wiser.
Who was is it who said, "practise what you preach"? Matthew, Chapter 23, Verse 3.
I think Oh, my God, I was right! I do the dishes! I did them yesterday.
Well, the day before that, then.
It's my day off tomorrow.
Why don't we get our Marigolds on and just go for it? A deep clean.
Bianca I have a parish to run.
I know I make it look easy, but I have a very, very busy schedule.
It would have been great fun.
All right, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll give the place a quick spruce-up whilst you're out at work.
Voila! It's just a little list of all the jobs that need doing, the way I do them.
I drew the diagrams myself.
Does it all make sense? Yes, of course it does.
I'm already running late.
You can't expect him to do a day's graft on an empty stomach.
We best be off, Mum.
Aw! The Johnson brothers together again.
My boys! Oh, God.
Hello, Molly Wobbles! I was thinking the other day, if our Josh married your Molly, what would that make us? It'd make us family.
Barry! Oh, thank God! Barry, you've got to help me! Something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.
It's like Thunderdome in there.
Lisa Johnson.
Back like Take That! Oh, hello.
Let me help you with that.
I might have had a baby, Fergus, but I can take my own coat off.
Come to check up on us? Oh, "us", is it? Who's she? Oh, Angie.
She's our new PA.
She came highly recommended.
You promised me you would not take anyone on without discussing it with me first.
I made an executive decision.
It's all right for you, off having a baby You're right.
The two-hourly feeds, catastrophic nappies, the stitches I can't even begin to compare it to what you've been through.
The thought of you sat here on your own.
Struggling through, making your own coffee.
Lying through your fucking teeth! It's been too busy for me to manage on my own.
Surely that's a good thing? Close your eyes.
Let me paint you a picture.
Don't for one minute think you can get round me, Fergus.
Indulge me.
It's a wet, wintry morning and you arrive to find a steaming hot cup of coffee already on the desk Mmm You won't have to kick off at the letters that don't post themselves.
Keep talking.
And with all the office supplies taken care of, you'll never get caught out by a no-bog-roll situation again Mmm.
Who's been using my desk? Who's been using my mug? Goldilocks wasn't free, so I stepped in.
I said Angie could sit here while you were away.
I'm sorry, I didn't realise.
My fault entirely.
Words to write on your headstone.
Might take me a while to clear all this away.
Don't put yourself out, Angie.
You sort the coffees, I'll sort the seating arrangements.
I just wanted to see what she's wearing to the party tonight.
Party? What party? It's no big deal, just something the agency's invited us to.
No big deal? We're VIPs! It's not really my thing.
But EVERYONE is going to be there.
Celebs, footballers Footballers?!? She'll be there! No-one puts Lisa in a corner! Capiche?! Ow! Motherhood's really mellowed you, hasn't it? Look, I know I know you're cross.
And you've got every right to be.
I've really missed you being around.
You put the "SA" in FERSA.
Coffee's ready.
Angie, I really need my right-hand woman nearby.
Do you mind if I move you? Sorry, this is mine.
I ordered it in special.
It's ergonomic design.
I will get you a chair.
There's a lunch meeting at two with Janet Delaney.
I bagged us that one.
Well, Janet Delaney is a waste of time.
She never gives us her account.
She just enjoys the free lunches.
I'm sorry.
I wasn't aware.
It's not your fault.
The blame lies entirely with my lying, feckless partner.
But don't worry.
Cos the professionals are taking back the asylum.
Oh, bollocks! Here we go.
Now Look! I haven't seen some of these dresses since the '80s.
Maybe that's where they should stay.
Excuse me! They're vintage.
I've never understood the appeal of vintage.
Doesn't it just mean old? No.
It means they're exclusive.
No daughter of mine is going to a VIP event wearing off-the-rack.
I don't even want to go.
I used to love going to parties at your age.
Why don't you want to make the most of being young and attractive? Having men slavering all over me is not my idea of a good night out.
That's exactly why you should go.
You need to learn the dark arts of control and manipulation.
Mum! Stop! They all start out slavering idiots.
It's how you fix them up that counts.
I give up.
You'll need to try harder than that.
It takes ages and you've not even met him yet.
No! Oh, God.
This is not good.
This is not good.
She won't say anything, will she? Molly has passed the highest levels of security.
Hi, Lisa, love.
Don't you give me that look.
I've got to go.
Lisa's forgot her bag.
But she expects me to clean the whole house.
Even if I ignore her very complex system of cloths, I will never make it alone.
Don't panic, lad.
I'll be back in an hour.
I didn't ask Mum to get you to take me on.
Right.
I didn't! Anyway, you could have said no.
Oh, yeah, cos she's known for accepting no gracefully, our mother.
Oh, yeah, I've got a present for you.
You can't be a proper plumber's mate without one of these.
You shouldn't have.
You're late.
Sink.
Will this take long? I won't know until I've looked at it.
I can't have my clients disturbed by workmen.
Any chance of cracking a window? Excuse me? It's just a bit, you know, aromatic.
What kind of clients would those be? Sensitive ones.
I'm an acupuncturist.
I had acupuncture once for my back.
Worked wonders.
Really? Any chance of a hand here? Which method did they subscribe to? I'm not exactly sure.
I was in Thailand on a beach Cheers, Dad.
Isn't Mummy silly, eh? Your mum was just the same after she'd had you.
Locking herself out of the house, forgetting where she'd parked.
She left you on a bus once.
You went all the way to Rochdale on your tod.
We picked you up as soon as we realised.
I promise that'll never happen to you, my beautiful girl.
They're so precious at this age.
I bet you're missing your mummy, aren't you? I'd better go, flower.
Friend in need.
You're not on the bus, are you? No.
Tram.
That goes to Rochdale too.
Don't get up.
I can manage.
Patty thinks my chakra is blocked.
Allow me to assist.
You have a lovely aura, but it's not as clear as it could be.
Do you suffer from fatigue? I do struggle to get out of bed some days.
That's because he's a lazy sod.
Some people just don't understand the importance of energy flow.
Or realise their own aura is black and rotten.
It must be very difficult to work in the face of so much prejudice.
I do what I can.
Would you like to see my crystals? Can I help you? I'm here for the interview.
Interview for? The call centre job.
Jenna Watson.
I can't see your name anywhere.
Maybe if you check with your manager - Angie, was it? Um, no.
Angie is our assistant.
I'm Lisa Johnson, Managing Director.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
I thought Oh, no, love.
It's OK.
Easy mistake to make today.
Take a seat.
There's a Jenna Watson here for an interview.
Why isn't it in the diary? I told you, I've been using a separate book for interviews.
It simplifies things enormously.
I did show you it.
She didn't show me another diary, Fergus.
Don't worry about that now.
It's your first day back.
She's clearly not right.
Because she's a mother? That's prejudiced.
I just don't know how committed she is to her career.
What do you think? I think Angie's got a point.
I just didn't really dig her vibe.
"Dig her vibe"? Is that how we hire people now? Well, I think this is what they call this stalemate.
Not exactly.
Angie hasn't voted yet.
Let's put it to the vote.
All those in favour of me? Tune! Do you want Peppermint Patty storming in here?! Will you please keep the noise down? Argh! Take this with you.
Is he drunk? When you asked me to help, I didn't realise you expected muggins here to do all the work.
I AM helping! Molly's done more than you.
I hardly think so, Barry.
She's done nothing but just sit there all morning.
We're out of here.
Barry, listen.
Look, I'm sorry.
I can't do this alone.
You're right.
I let you down.
I let you both down.
Remember, I'm not one of your adoring flock.
And neither is she.
Right.
OK.
Let's get ready to rumble and roll.
Near enough.
It's just like when we were kids.
Me doing all the graft, you taking all the credit.
You were rubbing the old girl up the wrong way.
You should be thanking me for keeping her sweet.
breakfast in bed.
I made the breakfast, you carried the tray.
Who took the credit? I was five! And cute.
Not spotty and lanky.
I can't help being Mum's favourite.
It must have been cold there in my shadow Shut up.
To never have sunlight on your face I said shut up! Us working together was a bad idea.
Well, it's hardly a dream come true for me either.
Good.
Cos you're fired.
You can't fire me.
I quit.
Fine.
Fine.
There's an emergency at Denise's.
We'll head there, then I'm dropping you home.
I need to turn the power off for half an hour.
Fine.
What's that? A reminder of when I'd be the one going to the parties.
Bradley called.
He's going to be away for longer than he thought.
Don't worry.
I'm not going to start blubbing on your shoulder.
Some things you just get used to.
Who's he? Gus.
Bradley's old business partner.
Ah.
Don't work together any more, then? No, thank God.
Gus is not a nice man.
I look a right state! You look great.
Different days.
Wasn't sat on my own back then.
I don't have to turn the power off right away.
Fancy a coffee? I thought you said there was an emergency? We rushed over.
I've got to get ready! I've been invited to a VIP opening in town tonight.
Look at him, Denise.
Think he understands the pressures of the fashion world? Come sit down.
Won't take you long, will it? Can't have Mount Pleasant's very own Linda Evangelista going without hot water.
Linda Evangelista? Showing your age there, Robbie.
Dan.
La Linda is a classic.
She's pretty cool in real life too.
Oh, my God, you've met her?! Bar I worked at in New York used to host a couple of parties for Fashion Week.
Hiya, love.
The boys here? I'll just have a quick look at the, er What're you doing with that? Having a look at the pipe-age.
I brought you some sarnies.
Us working lads got to keep our strength up.
You two playing nice? Course.
Not sure Robbie sees it as a permanent career move, though.
Oh, I don't know.
Quite taken with the idea of a family business.
Roast beef, tomato, no lettuce, dab of mustard.
No one makes a sandwich like you, Mum.
Sounds great.
Egg mayo.
It'll give you a slower release of energy.
And there was only enough beef left for me and your brother.
Have you two been drinking? Well, it's not a proper business meeting without a drop of the old vino down the old gullet.
Well, while you two have been throwing good hospitality after bad, I have been chasing missing contracts.
These came in three weeks ago.
I found them stuffed in your desk.
You went through my desk? Why haven't they been signed and returned? Are you suggesting I'm not doing my job properly? I'm not suggesting it, love - I am telling you.
Angie, give us a minute, yeah? What are you doing? Apart from humiliating our staff.
The place is a mess.
You haven't liked her since you walked through the door.
And whose fault is that? Entirely your own.
Maybe you shouldn't have come back so soon.
Posh, is it? This do of yours? Very.
Free champagne, free food, goodie bags You don't think it's all silly, do you? There is nothing silly about free stuff, Denise.
Nothing at all.
I meant the modelling.
Is this coming from Fergus? You need to nip that in the bud, fast.
I can't tell you how much I've missed out on for that husband of mine.
I won't have you do the same.
I suppose you're right.
Look at me, now my Charlie's away.
Barely leave the house.
I can go for days without seeing a soul.
Isn't Robbie staying with you? Well, yes.
But he's a grown man now.
Long gone are the days where he'd be happy to stay in and watch Wheel Of Fortune with his old mam.
Sorry, love.
I shouldn't be depressing you with my miserable existence.
Pauline Yes, love? Would you like to come to a party? Pick me up at 7! Hey.
Don't let her bully you.
Master of getting something for nothing, that one.
You shouldn't speak about your mum like that.
She's very lonely right now.
Seeing the two of you together is all that's keeping her going.
You boys off for a pint later, eh? Have a few works drinks? Yeah.
Yeah.
Too right! Ooh, this was me and your dad's favourite.
Remember us all singing this when we went to Norfolk? Never been able to forget.
This is not an appropriate family sing-a-long song.
What's wrong with it? # Cos we were barely 17 and we were barely dressed # We're gonna go all the way tonight We're gonna go all the way tonight, tonight Come on, son.
This is your bit.
# We're gonna go all the way tonight # We're gonna go all the way tonight, tonight # We're gonna go all the way tonight # We're gonna go all the way tonight, tonight Any left? I'm starving.
No.
There's no loo roll either.
Any clean mugs anywhere? I didn't want to humiliate anyone by asking them to wash up.
I'm sorry, OK.
I shouldn't have said what I said before.
But you were a bit harsh.
What happened to happy, positive Lisa? She got shafted by knobhead Fergus.
Why don't you and I meet up later and talking all through, you know? A management strategy, I mean.
A big staff.
Please, call me cargo on like this.
It's been rotten in here today.
I dunno.
It's my first day away from Molly.
And a business meeting in the evening on top? Why don't you head off now? It's barely four.
Exactly.
What's the point of being management if you can't run things the way you want? I am missing her.
We'll get it all sorted later.
Hmm.
Dan Johnson.
Yeah, sure.
If you don't mind me asking, who recommended us? Oh.
Great, thanks.
Yeah.
See you then.
Good news? Just landed a big job.
Recommendation off your mate, Mystic Meg.
Full new heating system for one of her friends.
I might need a hand.
Good labour's hard to come by.
I'd offer, but I think I remember you firing me.
I think you'll find you quit.
I knew you'd see sense eventually.
Aren't we forgetting something? You are not slow at coming forward, you, are you? Here.
You can use it to buy the drinks.
Just need a word with Greg.
See you down there.
Sure thing, boss.
Hiya, mate.
Time for a swift one? Ah! This is the life.
Simple, uncomplicated.
It is simple and uncomplicated, isn't it? With Tanya? Course it is.
Just watch yourself.
There's nothing to worry about, mate, I promise you.
Zero attraction.
Hello! Oh, sorry I was going to treat us to a takeaway.
Takeaway sounds great.
Come round in an hour.
Simple and uncomplicated.
Hmm.
Who needs a kitchen? Not planning on finishing it any time soon, then? No, I'll get it done.
Of course.
I'm only teasing.
Why would I want you to leave? I'll get another one, shall I? Stick some music on.
Some of the quality of the football, some of the play, some of the individuals Ooh Oh! Ha ha ha! It's always disappointing to see managers getting sacked and all that type of stuff, but it really has been an exciting situation.
Excuse me, do you mind? What do you mean, "excuse me"? Don't you push me! I'll push you back.
Fergus is jealous.
They age badly, men.
Course you've made it even worse for yourself going for an older man.
See, they've moved onto nature documentaries while you're still wanting a bit of live action, if you know what I mean.
I don't want to watch nature documentaries.
Good girl.
The animals never act natural when the cameras are on them.
Name? Denise.
Direct Modelling.
Denise who? Just Denise.
Like Cher or Madonna or Franz Ferdinand.
Name? Pauline Johnson.
Like Ulrika.
Or Boris.
You're not on the list.
She's with me.
Named invitees only, I'm afraid.
In that case, Fergus.
Have we got a problem? We're here, we're queer - get used to it.
Hmm! All right, all right.
Right, parenthood calls.
You staying on? Er yeah.
Fine.
But if you turn up with a hangover, I'm docking you half a day's wage.
Oh! Here's the glamour.
Don't stay out too late, eh? Go on.
I'll see you there.
Someone's feeling guilty.
No, just appreciative of all that you do.
Don't give me that look.
You can't just go doing things behind my back.
No more secrets, I swear.
Angie, what are you doing here? You invited me.
Was that tonight? Slick, Fergus.
Very slick.
I just thought it'd be nice if you two got to know one another.
I'm just off for a Tab's open at the bar.
Eh? Leave it be.
You look amazing.
Your mum's got great taste.
Really? My mum thinks my main aim in life should be bagging a footballer.
All right, Gaz? Nice one, my son.
I can see why she's so keen.
Have you seen these? There's a spa day, perfume, mascara and all the booze is free.
All of it! Compliments of Fergus.
I'm driving.
Don't be shy.
I appreciate it must be difficult coming back to work after having a baby.
I'm happy to discuss any problems you may be having.
I know you want to gain experience.
But it can't be at the expense of the job we're paying you to do.
Maybe you're being a little oversensitive.
Letting your hormones get the better of you.
Excuse me? I may have missed a couple of small things, but I don't think it warrants such an overreaction.
Fergus doesn't seem to mind.
Look, love, I am Co-managing Director.
Yes, I heard.
And if you have any complaints about my work, you are legally required to put those concerns into writing.
You may be able to fool Fergus, but you've made a big mistake picking a fight with me.
We'll see, shall we? Right! We will.
Oh, shit.
They didn't take it outside, did they? Not that I saw.
But you owe me £30.
26.
That's cheap for world peace.
In fact, I'll have one for the road, please, Bianca.
I'm heading off.
Gary's going to walk me home.
Oh very chivalrous! Oh, I love this one! You see, management's an art form.
I'm lucky, cos it comes easy to me.
How many do you manage? Two.
I managed a team in New York.
Really? I ran a financial company on Wall Street.
Started off small, like Fergus here, then got together more capital and with a bit of clever investment, it really took off.
I've never understood all that investment stuff.
I mean what is a Footsie?! Nah.
It's easy.
See, here's the shares.
You buy them at that price.
They go up, you sell them and you make a killing.
How do you know what to buy? Experience.
You have to stay away from the hot stocks.
If the masses are going for it, your return is going to be mediocre.
That one there.
Dead cert.
Best be off.
Bye.
See you.
Oh! You must remember this one.
Youth club disco, 1989.
I had my first snog to this song.
Who was the lucky lady? Elizabeth Grant.
I used to sit behind her in assembly so I could sniff her hair.
Did she break your heart or get a restraining order? She left me for my best mate.
They're married now, with two kids.
It's not all it's cracked up to be, you know.
Settling down.
I'd better go.
Why? We've got the place to ourselves.
Whoa! You've got this all wrong.
But you were flirting with me earlier.
Don't you get sick of these games? Excuse me? Your husband goes away and you I what? You know, what happened with Dan.
Then Bradley comes back and it's all regret and drama and Get out.
Look, I'm sorry I said GET OUT! All right? Night.
Night.
Hiya.
Oh, hiya.
I was just checking the door fronts.
In the kitchen.
Glue.
Sticky.
How was the party? What I expected.
You get dropped off, then? Nah, Gary walked me home.
Night.
Clapped-out Karate Kid! I think I just put something out! I don't want to watch nature documentaries, Fergus.
Have we got any Deep Heat? I'm serious.
I've got a career now.
And you need to start being supportive about that.
I'm here, I'm queer.
Get used to it.
Hi! Oops! Have fun, Mum? It was great! We got thrown out! Got you this.
Nice one.
Got you something too.
Think of it as the first instalment on that grand I owe you.
You don't have to, son.
I want to.
Straight up - pay my own way from now on.
Come on.
Let's get you up to bed.
I can manage.
It's what sons are for.
Oh, darling! You're going to work? Two half-days a week, you said.
Until I've got this new PA in line, I'm not leaving her on her own with Fergus.
Know anything about the stock market? If I were you, I'd cut your losses and sell.
You've not put a lot in, have you? What does she want? Nothing.
She never wants anything.
That girl has come here for spiritual guidance.
We're going to sit and we are going to listen.
There was this car, early hours of the morning.
I've never seen it before.
That isn't what it looks like.
Don't lie to me, Gary.
We have to leave now.
Come again? Someone's watching the house.
Ella.
Overnight bag.
Now.
Sorry, is someone going to tell me? JUST DO IT, WILL YOU?!