Mozart in the Jungle (2014) s04e03 Episode Script

1 (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES) - Whoa, what is all this? - My stuff.
I thought you were a minimalist.
No, Hai Lai, I'm a maximalist.
I just didn't have a place to place my place, but now-now-now I have a place.
I have a home with my girlfriend.
Oh, do you remember when you said you were gonna pay rent? Yes, Shawn, yes, I will pay the rent.
No, you can pay half the rent, half of my half.
Okay, half, then.
This is January.
I think this is, um, February and March.
And this is, uh, May, June July I see how this is going to go.
How'd you mark this rallentando? (LAUGHING): You have the Tchaikovsky? Yeah, the phrase is so long.
If you slow it down, it just falls apart.
I know.
It was a conducting competition and, and I wanted to impress the judges.
So I Ugh.
You're so annoying.
You just snap your fingers and everything goes your way.
Meanwhile, I can't find a single female composer to let me premiere her piece.
- (SIGHS) - Look.
Hai Lai.
This is my grandmother's.
I want you to wear it tonight for the concert.
No, I'm not coming to the concert tonight.
I'm not subbing.
I'll just be in the way.
No, no, no, no way.
No, no, you will not be in the way.
You-you-you are my way.
- (CHUCKLES) - You're my way.
I want you to come with me.
Okay.
Fine.
RODRIGO: Hello.
Hi.
- Hey.
- They're looking at us.
Hey.
How are you guys? - Well, that's because you're very beautiful, yes? - Hello.
Hi.
- Hello, how are you? Yes, she's my girlfriend.
Yes, I'm her boyfriend.
I'm her boyfriend.
She's my girlfriend.
Hi, hi.
- Hailey, hey.
- Bob.
Hey, I didn't know you were playing with us tonight.
Do you want to join us in the zoo? Uh, I'm actually not playing with you guys tonight.
- UNION BOB: Oh? - WARREN: Oh.
- Oh.
(CHUCKLES) - Oh.
Oh.
Yes, we're dating Boyfriend, girlfriend, yes.
- Finally.
- Oh.
(CHUCKLES) So good to see you guys.
- UNION BOB: Yeah.
- Yeah can we go through some things? Just to make just a couple of minutes.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) That's Caroline Shaw.
- Yeah? Where? - There.
- She's my favorite composer.
- RODRIGO: Hi, Caroline.
Okay, let me introduce you.
- What? No.
Okay.
- Yes.
Yes, yes.
Carolina.
- Hey, how are you? - Good.
How are you? - Good, good.
- Okay.
Let me introduce you to my girlfriend, and she's-she's a great conductor.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
- So nice to meet you, too.
- What kind of stuff do you do? - Well, um, last year my ensemble performed an original Thomas Pembridge piece.
- Uh, yeah.
- Oh, Thomas Pembridge, yeah.
I once asked him to do a guest spot for Roomful of Teeth - and he told me to go to hell, so yeah.
- (RODRIGO CHUCKLES) - How did you land that? Um, well, we've actually worked together a lot.
Uh, because he's my friend, you know.
- He's my, like, hermano.
- He's also my teacher.
He did us a favor, you know? - As a favor.
- Oh, okay.
I should Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I hope you enjoy it.
It's gonna be spiritual with all the HAILEY: It's so nice to meet you.
Maybe we could get a coffee and chitchat some time.
That would be so great.
Do you want something to drink? Are you okay? Are you - My God, you're sweating a lot.
- No, it's just a lot of people and just a lot of you calling me your girlfriend in front of Caroline Shaw.
Come on, but Caroline is my friend, you know.
We get along really well.
Yeah.
(STAMMERS) That's fine.
But it just, in certain situations, it would be really helpful if you didn't call me your girlfriend.
So you want what should I call you, my mate? - No.
- My significant other? No, it's not the word.
It's just, I don't totally feel like I belong here.
No, but you belong.
You're-you're here with me.
Bunny, you look wonderful.
Well, I had to dress up for the Pope.
Although I am an Episcopalian.
Congratulations on the orchestra coming back to form.
Yes, it is wonderful, isn't it? - Wonderful.
- Thank you.
- Excuse me, please.
- Yes.
Ms.
Windsor, uh, the papal throne is covered in tiny bites and poops.
We cannot use it.
And Delgado still hasn't sent over the new commercial script.
Sharon, I'm happy you're back with us, but leave me alone.
I'm celebrating.
And, Pavel, fix the fucking throne.
You heard her, fix it.
Been there.
That's why you should only wear black always.
Lesson learned.
Hey, you're friends with Caroline Shaw, right? - Yeah.
We're drinking buddies.
- I know it's a big ask, but I really want a piece of hers for my ensemble.
- Cynthia, hi.
- Caroline.
CAROLINE: Shouldn't you be onstage? CYNTHIA: Oh, can't.
- Doctor's orders.
- CAROLINE: Hmm.
But I am playing with Hailey's ensemble.
- Don't tell Gloria.
- Cool.
- It is cool.
- CYNTHIA: It's very cool.
Yes, um, it, we, uh, focus exclusively on the works of female composers.
Hey, you know what would be great? We should play one of Caroline's pieces.
Oh, my God, that would be so great.
- CYNTHIA: Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
Uh, do you have anything that you want premiered by a young, cutting-edge group of musicians? Um, I'd love to, but I don't have anything at the moment.
Okay.
Um, totally.
Uh, all right, well, I should get in there.
Cut the shit, Shaw.
She's talented.
What's the problem? Uh ("THE PONTIFICAL ANTHEM AND MARCH" PLAYING) She said you seem nice.
"Nice.
" That's the worst.
She's just, she wasn't feeling it.
(SIGHS) It's because of Rodrigo, isn't it? I mean, she didn't say that, but Oh, I get it.
From now on, no one can know that we date.
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) Why is the Pope sitting on my Hermès scarves? To fix the bites and poops.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Bloody Pope traffic.
Look, I've got something very important to tell you.
Am I dreaming? The lockout is behind us, we're fully funded and we're playing for a very friendly Pope.
Have I personally conducted this orchestra back to life? Yes, I goddamn have.
I'm quitting the orchestra.
- RODRIGO: Welcome.
- (CHUCKLES) It is great to be here, all of us together.
It is a very spiritual night, right? Very magical.
Therefore, musical.
And I would like to dedicate this night tonight to a very special person that makes me feel magical, spiritual and musical.
My significant lover, Hai Lai Rutledge.
- Good Lord.
- Jesus Christ.
Because she deserves to belong.
- (GROANS) - And also to Su Santidad, el Papa.
Thank you very much for being here tonight.
You-You've been doing really well so far.
It's been really good.
(VERDI'S THE FORCE OF DESTINY BEGINS) Look, I've been offered a really wonderful position by a great institution.
L.
A.
? San Francisco? Closer.
- (METAL GROANING) - What was that? - What? - Oh, no.
- You hear that? - What? A Japanese corporation just bought out Delgado.
Our funding.
(WOOD AND METAL GROANING) - Ooh.
Oh.
- What's happening? (MAN SHOUTS) MAN: Run! GLORIA: Fuck! INSPECTOR: Yeah, you've definitely got rats.
Two types of species, actually.
You got the Norway rats.
Those are in the foundation.
And then the roof rats are the ones that compromised the ceiling.
I mean, obviously, they're roof rats.
- WARREN: Fascinating.
- You.
This is your fault.
You made this happen.
You said you were quitting and then the roof collapsed.
But, darling, I don't have magic powers.
Why would you leave? Wait, are you Hard Hat Rat62? Yeah.
I'm Rativarius57.
- No way! Oh.
- Yes, way.
I accepted a position as the musical director of the Queens Phil.
Queens Phil.
It's been dead for a decade, right? And I'm gonna bring it back to life.
Good.
Good for you.
Look, I don't want to be cooped up in an office all day.
- I want to be creating things.
- I'm happy for you.
Well, you could be a little more upset.
I'll take time to be upset later.
God, you're sexy in red.
How do you know each other? We're both moderators on the New York City rat message board for rodentologists.
Tomorrow's Daily News.
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Fabulous.
Everything is fabulous.
We've been assured that the Pope's cuts are superficial, and we will be up and running in no time.
Furthermore, we are the proud landlords of what I am told is a super intelligent rodent community, due to their prolonged exposure to classical music.
Maybe if you hadn't deferred maintenance to pay for the new hall Moving on.
Delgado has been bought out by the FukuSoft Corporation, and I look forward to sitting down with Mr.
Fukumoto tonight.
And will we be present for this meeting? I'll be handling this personally.
(SCRATCHING) (HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING) That sounds like rats.
Are you fucking kidding me?! - Did I get you? - Oh! You thought it was rats, right? You did, didn't you? Mr.
Fukumoto, what a wonderful surprise.
Konnichiwa.
Gloria Windsor.
Betty Cragdale.
Lead oboe.
Yes.
- Yes, I am.
- Former lead.
Uh, I was expecting you - a little later, really.
- Is the ceiling gonna fall on us? - I it is sound, I assure you.
- (BETTY LAUGHS) Gloria, he's joking.
Perhaps the three of us can retire to the bar and discuss our future together.
And please ask Maestro DeSousa to join us.
Very well.
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) - Holy shit.
You see this photo of you? "Rodrigo DeSousa and friend.
" (CHUCKLES) I'm gonna frame it and I'm gonna put it in the bathroom.
When did they take that, even? One day you're dating a Dance Haus runaway, and the next you're an "and friend.
" I'm really legitimately proud of you.
I feel like I could weep.
I can get you that in a wallet size so you can carry it around with you all the time.
CYNTHIA: Excuse me.
Hi.
Wow, I'm a huge fan.
Good, then you'll listen to this: don't be a bitch.
Unless you're me.
I was just joking.
Funny.
We rehearsing? - Yes.
- People are gonna think whatever they want about you, no matter who you're dating.
Your job is to not give a shit.
Concentrate on the music.
Ignore the noise.
Wow, I would so go lez for Cynthia.
Wet rehearsals? Nice.
Okay, change of plans today.
SASHA: Want a beer? - Sure.
- BEN: Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have to leave in, like, 20 minutes.
It's this thing.
No, Ben, you can't leave in, like, 20 minutes because we have to rehearse the new Caroline Shaw piece.
She gave it to you? Not yet, but she will.
Okay, so this piece is very dynamic.
I need you to stay with ALAN: National Sawdust agreed to host us - until we have our own venue.
- Aha.
I just want you to be prepared.
It's not a hall so much as a space.
- Mm-hmm.
- More like a room.
It's small.
- What the hell? - I'm so sorry.
No, no, no.
No, this is bloody fantastic.
It's a a small jewel.
A microcosm of greatness.
- Oh, thank God.
- Huh.
Oh.
Hello.
Thomas Pembridge.
Hello, hello.
Well, this is going to be fun.
(LAUGHS) I will honor all of Delgado's prior commitments.
On one condition.
I would like you to perform Mozart's Requiem with my hometown orchestra next month.
GLORIA: I'm sure the Maestro would be thrilled.
Right, Maestro? I've never done the Requiem.
I know.
Why-Why is that? Well, I mean, it's a very tricky one.
He wrote it when, when he was dying so he didn't finish it.
And I guess I've never had the the time to work on it.
But now seems like a great time.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) - Yeah.
- Especially if it means we keep the funding for the building and the youth orchestra.
Yes, yes, yes, okay, let's do it.
Yes, yes.
- Absolutely.
- Wonderful! - Kampai! - OTHERS: Kampai! (GLORIA CHUCKLES) A call for you, sir.
- Is that all you want? - FUKUMOTO: Actually, there is one more condition.
That you go out to dinner with me in the near future.
I I of course.
Guys, I'm very sorry.
Thank you.
I-I have to go.
I have an emergency.
Oh, is everything okay? Yes, it's a it's a it's not a real emergency.
It's like it's an art emergency.
Could I go? (SONG ENDS) Wow.
Egon, that-that was really good.
Thank you for coming.
No, thank you for inviting me.
This is And I get that it's - very mysterious.
- Mm.
I got to tell you, I I don't know how to dance.
You know? I mean, I-I like dancing, but It's okay.
I'm gonna ask you a few questions - and then we'll get to work.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay, okay.
Now, who was the first person you were sexually attracted to? Alessandra.
La Fiamma.
- La Fiamma.
- Yes.
And when was this? I think it was when I was eight.
I heard a a recording of Tosca.
I was blown away.
Completely.
Uh, "Vissi d'arte" It was better than Playboy.
(SHUDDERS) Arte.
Vissi d'arte.
Playboy.
Wow.
Now, what was the most intense relationship you ever had? - Ana Maria, my ex-wife.
- Ana Maria.
Yes.
And what was the most passionate moment? Well, we had many, you know? Um but I'd say it was the night of our second wedding.
- (DANCER EXHALES) - But, uh we were in the raft, going down in the Amazon.
We started to make love, you know? There was this river dolphin that joined us and became a-a three-way, and she was really enjoying it.
I wasn't too much into it, but, uh, she's very free, you know? She's very spiritual, very artistic.
I She tortures herself a lot.
And she tortures me as well.
What is that, fleas? What are you doing? Give me torture.
And stop.
Wow, that's really good.
EGON: There's somebody new.
- Isn't there? - Hai Lai.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
And at the Pope show, you said she deserved to belong.
Now, what did that mean? Mm.
Well, I guess it means that, uh, that she deserves everything.
You know, everything that that is good.
When I heard her play for the first time, it was like like listening to birds.
No, but not like that.
No, more like a, like a bird like a mother bird regurgitating.
You know, feeding the little baby bird.
And (GAGS) You know, this Yeah, like beautiful, yet a little bit unpleasant.
Like magical.
- (GASPS) - The blood, yes.
She played with the blood.
Yes.
And and who is he? He's you.
- He's me? - Yeah.
There's another woman, isn't there? Perhaps the most important woman in your life.
¿La orquestra? (GASPS SOFTLY) Ah.
Now, I wonder if you can show me how you would conduct her.
What? Just Just like that? Like anything that comes into my head? EGON: Yeah.
RODRIGO: Okay.
All right.
Hmm.
Welcome.
("OVERTURE" FROM BEETHOVEN'S EGMONT PLAYING) No, no, no.
Geez.
Um, um Let me see.
Perhaps, do you think you could possibly tighten? Try it again.
("OVERTURE" FROM BEETHOVEN'S EGMONT BEGINS) (MUSIC STOPS) (GROANING) Here's the problem.
All great orchestras have a sound, and you don't.
Well, I would say you do.
But it's the sound of Beethoven being shit out of your instruments.
Then tell us what to do, Maestro.
Play better! Oh, I beg your pardon.
Please, I apologize.
Please, um would you excuse me for one moment? - (SIGHING): Oh, God.
- (INSTRUMENTS TUNING) Hello.
- Are you okay? - (SIGHS) You look like you've seen a ghost.
Oh, I have.
I've just seen the ghost of my career.
Look, I-I don't think I can I No.
No.
No! All right.
Look, they're garbage.
But that's all right, it-it's all right.
Because I can burn that garbage into pure gold.
I can give this orchestra a sound.
I am the sound.
Mwah.
(THOMAS GRUNTS) Come on! Let's go.
Again.
All right, everybody.
Ignore the noise.
Focus on the music.
What are you doing? Sounds pretty good, doesn't it? (MUSIC STOPS) Worth a try.
Great job, guys.
And you know what, Caroline? Fine.
You win.
Here.
It's a new piece.
Nice work.
Take care of it, will you? (LAUGHS) Thank you! CAROLINE: You're welcome! I'm excited to hear what you guys do with this.
(SIREN WAILING) Also, my neighbor just called the police.
Okay, yeah, we're just leaving now.
Thank you so much! (QUIETLY): Let's go, let's go.
You know, I was thinking that it's really not about Faust, the dance.
It's more about me.
You don't identify with Faust in any way? No, I had to do this horrendous taco commercial for the last corporation, you know, that Mm.
And then that corporation got bought by another corporation.
Now they're forcing me to do Mozart's Requiem.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, I have to be over-commercialized and overexposed, and, and I just feel dry, you know, and selling my soul, so yes, I-I mean, in a way, I feel a little bit like Faust, but more like Faust's neighbor.
Faust's neighbor.
I like that.
Yeah.
I think we can put all of that into the piece.
You know? It's a lot of work.
You up for it? Of course.
I love it.
I mean, I love the hot dog, I love the, I love the you know, the every question you ask me, and how we put it, you know, into play, you know, and-and every time I ask the dancers (MUTTERING) You know? It was incredible, I-I love the dancers.
They love you.
Next rehearsal? - Yes.
- I'll see you.
- Okay.
- See you.
Bye-bye.
You could have asked me to ask Shaw for the, for the piece.
No, that's literally what I couldn't do.
Mm, because it is too much in the orbit.
(LAUGHING): Yes.
- Yeah, exactly.
- (LAUGHS) Why haven't you conducted the Requiem? I don't know.
Maybe because it's the biggest deal of the, the biggest deals.
But I think I'm ready for it now.
So you've got the Requiem - Mm-hmm.
- the orchestra, the youth orchestra.
And the dance choreography, I might be in the dance choreography.
Ugh, how did I date another dancer? - (COUGHING IN DISTANCE) - Wait.
Do you hear that? What? (COUGHING CONTINUES) The cough.
- Oh, shit.
- No, I don't hear anything.
Hello? (COUGHING CONTINUES) Hey, Wolfgang.
What's up, man? Are you feeling okay? (WHEEZING) Do you want some tea? Do not do the Requiem.
Why? I I already said I would.
(WHISPERS): Wolfgang? Come on, man.
You can't die.
Man.
Come on, come on, it's not, it's not funny.
I was joking.
When I told you to go away, I was joking.
I was only kidding, that's how we get along.
You know? (MOZART'S REQUIEM PLAYING)