Secret Diary of a Call Girl s04e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
Gonna make a mistake Gonna do it on purpose You wanna know the real difference between you and me? It's that I love the very thing you fear most - the danger.
I've acquired quite a taste For a well-made mistake I wanna make a mistake Why can't I make a mistake? Let's do it.
"Filthy/Gorgeous" What did you think I was doing? Naughty! Excellent.
That's the thing about thrill-seeking - you want to push it as far as you can, without crossing the line.
Because once you've done that, you're completely lost.
I'm sorry.
No problem, Bellina.
God, can't a girl get some erotic photos without constant interruption? Yes! What is it, Kat? 'I'm afraid Kat got herself into a spot of bother.
' Who is this? It's all right, she's fine now.
Who are you, please? You don't know me, yet.
But I know you, Belle.
Right.
I-I-I I wanna speak to Kat.
Denham Hotel, Garrick Street.
Room 102.
I'm calling the police.
OK.
Fair enough.
Oh, there is one thing, though - I am the police.
Hey, hey, hey! Hey! What about the photos? Just send them to me.
In the mail? No way! Jesus, I haven't got time for this.
I'll call you.
Drive! You can drive! You can't just go like this.
So mean! Ah! The delectable Belle.
Where's Kat? She's gone home.
Don't worry, she's fine.
She'd better be.
My name's Harry.
Detective Sergeant Harry Keegan.
Yeah, I know, I just spoke to Stephanie.
How is she? She said, 'Thanks for the phone.
' Oh.
No worries.
And I suppose it didn't occur to you earlier to tell me you were her tame copper? Well, where would the fun be in that? Oh.
Yeah, she warned me you'd be like this.
What? Witty? Handsome? An arrogant sod.
Oh! Yeah.
She forgot to mention handsome? Yeah.
Shame on her.
You know, the room's still booked out for another 20 minutes.
Well, that's great.
Cos it'll give you some time to tidy up.
Hm.
Catch you later, Belle.
One of life's great pleasures.
Come home mid-morning, world's at work, take a nice, long bath.
Oh, shit! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I wasn't expecting you.
It's a nice surprise, though.
Isn't it just.
Why aren't you at work? Eva, it's me! Exactly.
Exactly! The suppliers are doing their quarterly audit.
I'm going in later.
Are you having a good day? Yes, I was.
Ben, can you not play with the ball in the house, please? Sorry.
I can't deal with this.
Fuck! Jackie! Charming.
I bought you a plant.
I mean hi obviously.
Erm What are you doing here? You invited your only sister round to see your new house, remember? No, I didn't Oh! Well played! Thank you.
So may I enter, or there is a written exam I need to sit first? Han, do you fancy some lunch? Is that Ben? No? Yeah, I was thinking maybe we can reheat Fuck! Jackie! Jackie's here.
Yay! Hello, Ben.
How are you, Jackie? I'm not well, thank you.
Did you want to know why? Do you I think we should get going.
I'm gonna call you back.
Because when Ben and I had sexual intercourse and he then promptly decided he did not want to have an adult relationship with me, it serious damaged my self-image and left me with residual self-esteem issues which manifest themselves in my daily life.
How is Dr Griffin? He's a life saver.
I'm very sorry, Jackie.
So I should probably warn you, whatever your name is, that you should not rely on this man to affirm who you are as an individual, because he will leave you and he will crush you.
Wait.
We, er What? We're not together, so No, no, no.
He's with Belle.
Who? Er Belle? Hello? That's a nickname, that's what that is.
He's living here? That's what couples do, right? Why don't you go and make some calls, Poppy? You and Ben are a couple? Kind of, yeah.
Sort of.
Sorry.
This is not good, at all.
This couldn't be more awkward.
Hello! Oh, apparently it could! Is this a bad time? Yes! So, Bellina, I came to bring the photos - Jesus, my boyfriend and my sister, probably not interested in this.
Oh.
Yeah.
OK.
I go now.
OK.
Bye-bye.
Oh, wow! Is this a joke, or what? Hello? 'I want to book you.
' It's just Decorators.
'I should have some availability.
' Well, we'll need two hours.
'I see and, erm ' .
.
what time did you have in mind? Oh, you'll know when it starts.
Why do you need decorators? Because we were thinking of repainting.
We were? In fact, that was That was them there on the phone.
They've got some paint samples they want to show us, but we've gotta go now.
Now? Yeah.
Oh, no.
But I only just got here.
I know.
It's a bummer.
Oh, well.
Oh, if you wanna stay, you're more than welcome.
We're not gonna be long.
I know when I'm not wanted.
It's good to see you again, Jackie.
I disagree.
That woman is a nightmare.
That woman is my sister.
Right.
Sorry.
And she's a nightmare.
Hey, we're not really doing this paint samples stuff, are we? Of course not.
Clever girl! In that case, you mind if I duck off for an hour? There's a place with a sub-woofer with these special It's man stuff.
OK.
Go.
Enjoy yourself.
Bye.
Has it started yet? Nearly.
Instructions inside.
What's he playing at? 'How does it feel?' Where are you? 'Around.
' 'Take a left.
Walk down to the end.
' Left? Left here? Are you still there? Harry? Someone might see us.
Someone might see us.
Yeah.
Oh! Oh! Stay right there.
Where are you? Oh! Everything all right? You scared the shit out of me.
Sorry.
Shall we? I can't believe you just did that.
Ah, this is us, I think.
Wh-What are you doing? Forgotten my key.
You can't just break in.
Yes, we can.
Assaulting a police officer - contrary to Section 89 of the Police Act.
Oh, dear.
Resisting arrest - Section 38.
Not looking good for me, is it? Indecent exposure - Section 66, Sexual Offences Act.
Looks like I'll be going down for a long hard stretch.
Unless you just wanna punish me here and now.
Well, the public does expect quick and firm justice.
Fuck! I've been a bad, bad girl I've been careless with a delicate man And it's a sad, sad world When a girl Fuck! Hello.
Oh, hi.
I'm Kat.
Is Belle in? Oh, no, no, she's not.
Can I take a message? Oh, I just came by to say sorry about this morning.
What happened? Just a run-in with a nasty client.
Oh.
She's great, isn't she, Belle? Yeah, she's nice.
Nicer than Stephanie, that's for sure.
You think? I mean Stephanie's amazing - it's her business, after all.
She looks after the girls really nice and that, but Belle's a bit more you know.
What? Oh, fuck! What do you mean, she looks after the girls? Nothing.
Look, erm I've got to go.
Don't worry about the message.
Don't worry.
Who wants to know All that is gold is rusting? No-one will know When seasons cease to change And how far we've gone How far we're going Don't you worry you'll get caught? The fear of getting caught, that's the whole point.
Anyway, I enjoy being out of step with the world.
So do you.
Maybe.
That's why we get on.
We're the same, you and me.
We don't deal in black and white, we prefer all those shades of grey in between.
We're not the same, Harry.
Of course we are.
Our friendships, our relationships, they're fine.
But they're not real.
This.
This is the real us.
You know nothing about my relationships.
Ben.
Look, I'm sure he's a nice guy.
It's none of my business.
No, it isn't.
I'm just saying, you might really, really want what Ben can give you, but you NEED what I can give you.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Bye, Harry.
See you.
Never cross a line.
Close your eyes, rewind I know just what you're thinking Close your eyes and think of me Larger than life niceties Bigger than you, more than me Wow! You look amazing.
What was that for? Aren't I allowed to kiss my boyfriend? Fuck yeah.
We can do it on the carpet, if you like.
Everyone, if you could all leave now, my girlfriend and I No, no, no, stop it.
No? Sure? I can get them out.
All right.
False alarm.
Carry on.
Erm How about tonight .
.
we go home and I make you the most .
.
delicious Italian meal and then I take you to the theatre? So, Thai and DVD, huh? Exactly.
I can't wait.
You know what? Hang out for ten minutes and I'll come back with you.
Why do we never know enough of happy ends? Why do they never show? You liar.
Liar! No, I did.
You did not pass Grade 6 violin.
Yes, I did.
That is absolute boll So, you are a fucking whore.
Oh, shit, Poppy.
And you! What sort of a man spends his life with a whore, pretending everything is like happy families? None of this is real.
You do know that, don't you? It's all a fucking lie! I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
Oh, please.
I don't need pity from a prostitute, thanks very much.
That's enough.
It's OK.
Yeah.
Yeah, do what she says, nice, little Ben.
Hey! Hannah's gone out of her way to look after you while your mum Yeah? .
.
while your mother's away.
Where is she? Poppy Where is she? Prison.
Tell me one thing.
Was she ever a prostitute? I slipped away last night Took me away from sight And the place I know You OK? Yeah, I just feel awful for her.
Yeah, I know.
But don't forget, it's Stephanie's fault.
She dumped her on you.
Of course she was gonna find out eventually.
Yeah, maybe.
Definitely.
Thank you.
What for? For standing up for me.
Can't pay the mortgage alone.
I'm sure she'll feel better tomorrow.
Perhaps we sit down, have a proper conversation with her.
Yeah, perhaps.
Who was that? No-one.
Come on.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Mended and all made clean I saw upon the screen All the stones I throw To be continued, I guess, Hannah.
I thought your book was just wow! We think it's absolutely perfect for the big screen.
Oh! Would you consider yourself a feminist? Silence! Mum, did you send me to live with an escort? There's no need to make such a fuss about it! Do you charge more for the gross stuff? I've never done this with anyone, but, erm Charlotte.
Mummy! I'm ready to come out now!
I've acquired quite a taste For a well-made mistake I wanna make a mistake Why can't I make a mistake? Let's do it.
"Filthy/Gorgeous" What did you think I was doing? Naughty! Excellent.
That's the thing about thrill-seeking - you want to push it as far as you can, without crossing the line.
Because once you've done that, you're completely lost.
I'm sorry.
No problem, Bellina.
God, can't a girl get some erotic photos without constant interruption? Yes! What is it, Kat? 'I'm afraid Kat got herself into a spot of bother.
' Who is this? It's all right, she's fine now.
Who are you, please? You don't know me, yet.
But I know you, Belle.
Right.
I-I-I I wanna speak to Kat.
Denham Hotel, Garrick Street.
Room 102.
I'm calling the police.
OK.
Fair enough.
Oh, there is one thing, though - I am the police.
Hey, hey, hey! Hey! What about the photos? Just send them to me.
In the mail? No way! Jesus, I haven't got time for this.
I'll call you.
Drive! You can drive! You can't just go like this.
So mean! Ah! The delectable Belle.
Where's Kat? She's gone home.
Don't worry, she's fine.
She'd better be.
My name's Harry.
Detective Sergeant Harry Keegan.
Yeah, I know, I just spoke to Stephanie.
How is she? She said, 'Thanks for the phone.
' Oh.
No worries.
And I suppose it didn't occur to you earlier to tell me you were her tame copper? Well, where would the fun be in that? Oh.
Yeah, she warned me you'd be like this.
What? Witty? Handsome? An arrogant sod.
Oh! Yeah.
She forgot to mention handsome? Yeah.
Shame on her.
You know, the room's still booked out for another 20 minutes.
Well, that's great.
Cos it'll give you some time to tidy up.
Hm.
Catch you later, Belle.
One of life's great pleasures.
Come home mid-morning, world's at work, take a nice, long bath.
Oh, shit! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I wasn't expecting you.
It's a nice surprise, though.
Isn't it just.
Why aren't you at work? Eva, it's me! Exactly.
Exactly! The suppliers are doing their quarterly audit.
I'm going in later.
Are you having a good day? Yes, I was.
Ben, can you not play with the ball in the house, please? Sorry.
I can't deal with this.
Fuck! Jackie! Charming.
I bought you a plant.
I mean hi obviously.
Erm What are you doing here? You invited your only sister round to see your new house, remember? No, I didn't Oh! Well played! Thank you.
So may I enter, or there is a written exam I need to sit first? Han, do you fancy some lunch? Is that Ben? No? Yeah, I was thinking maybe we can reheat Fuck! Jackie! Jackie's here.
Yay! Hello, Ben.
How are you, Jackie? I'm not well, thank you.
Did you want to know why? Do you I think we should get going.
I'm gonna call you back.
Because when Ben and I had sexual intercourse and he then promptly decided he did not want to have an adult relationship with me, it serious damaged my self-image and left me with residual self-esteem issues which manifest themselves in my daily life.
How is Dr Griffin? He's a life saver.
I'm very sorry, Jackie.
So I should probably warn you, whatever your name is, that you should not rely on this man to affirm who you are as an individual, because he will leave you and he will crush you.
Wait.
We, er What? We're not together, so No, no, no.
He's with Belle.
Who? Er Belle? Hello? That's a nickname, that's what that is.
He's living here? That's what couples do, right? Why don't you go and make some calls, Poppy? You and Ben are a couple? Kind of, yeah.
Sort of.
Sorry.
This is not good, at all.
This couldn't be more awkward.
Hello! Oh, apparently it could! Is this a bad time? Yes! So, Bellina, I came to bring the photos - Jesus, my boyfriend and my sister, probably not interested in this.
Oh.
Yeah.
OK.
I go now.
OK.
Bye-bye.
Oh, wow! Is this a joke, or what? Hello? 'I want to book you.
' It's just Decorators.
'I should have some availability.
' Well, we'll need two hours.
'I see and, erm ' .
.
what time did you have in mind? Oh, you'll know when it starts.
Why do you need decorators? Because we were thinking of repainting.
We were? In fact, that was That was them there on the phone.
They've got some paint samples they want to show us, but we've gotta go now.
Now? Yeah.
Oh, no.
But I only just got here.
I know.
It's a bummer.
Oh, well.
Oh, if you wanna stay, you're more than welcome.
We're not gonna be long.
I know when I'm not wanted.
It's good to see you again, Jackie.
I disagree.
That woman is a nightmare.
That woman is my sister.
Right.
Sorry.
And she's a nightmare.
Hey, we're not really doing this paint samples stuff, are we? Of course not.
Clever girl! In that case, you mind if I duck off for an hour? There's a place with a sub-woofer with these special It's man stuff.
OK.
Go.
Enjoy yourself.
Bye.
Has it started yet? Nearly.
Instructions inside.
What's he playing at? 'How does it feel?' Where are you? 'Around.
' 'Take a left.
Walk down to the end.
' Left? Left here? Are you still there? Harry? Someone might see us.
Someone might see us.
Yeah.
Oh! Oh! Stay right there.
Where are you? Oh! Everything all right? You scared the shit out of me.
Sorry.
Shall we? I can't believe you just did that.
Ah, this is us, I think.
Wh-What are you doing? Forgotten my key.
You can't just break in.
Yes, we can.
Assaulting a police officer - contrary to Section 89 of the Police Act.
Oh, dear.
Resisting arrest - Section 38.
Not looking good for me, is it? Indecent exposure - Section 66, Sexual Offences Act.
Looks like I'll be going down for a long hard stretch.
Unless you just wanna punish me here and now.
Well, the public does expect quick and firm justice.
Fuck! I've been a bad, bad girl I've been careless with a delicate man And it's a sad, sad world When a girl Fuck! Hello.
Oh, hi.
I'm Kat.
Is Belle in? Oh, no, no, she's not.
Can I take a message? Oh, I just came by to say sorry about this morning.
What happened? Just a run-in with a nasty client.
Oh.
She's great, isn't she, Belle? Yeah, she's nice.
Nicer than Stephanie, that's for sure.
You think? I mean Stephanie's amazing - it's her business, after all.
She looks after the girls really nice and that, but Belle's a bit more you know.
What? Oh, fuck! What do you mean, she looks after the girls? Nothing.
Look, erm I've got to go.
Don't worry about the message.
Don't worry.
Who wants to know All that is gold is rusting? No-one will know When seasons cease to change And how far we've gone How far we're going Don't you worry you'll get caught? The fear of getting caught, that's the whole point.
Anyway, I enjoy being out of step with the world.
So do you.
Maybe.
That's why we get on.
We're the same, you and me.
We don't deal in black and white, we prefer all those shades of grey in between.
We're not the same, Harry.
Of course we are.
Our friendships, our relationships, they're fine.
But they're not real.
This.
This is the real us.
You know nothing about my relationships.
Ben.
Look, I'm sure he's a nice guy.
It's none of my business.
No, it isn't.
I'm just saying, you might really, really want what Ben can give you, but you NEED what I can give you.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Bye, Harry.
See you.
Never cross a line.
Close your eyes, rewind I know just what you're thinking Close your eyes and think of me Larger than life niceties Bigger than you, more than me Wow! You look amazing.
What was that for? Aren't I allowed to kiss my boyfriend? Fuck yeah.
We can do it on the carpet, if you like.
Everyone, if you could all leave now, my girlfriend and I No, no, no, stop it.
No? Sure? I can get them out.
All right.
False alarm.
Carry on.
Erm How about tonight .
.
we go home and I make you the most .
.
delicious Italian meal and then I take you to the theatre? So, Thai and DVD, huh? Exactly.
I can't wait.
You know what? Hang out for ten minutes and I'll come back with you.
Why do we never know enough of happy ends? Why do they never show? You liar.
Liar! No, I did.
You did not pass Grade 6 violin.
Yes, I did.
That is absolute boll So, you are a fucking whore.
Oh, shit, Poppy.
And you! What sort of a man spends his life with a whore, pretending everything is like happy families? None of this is real.
You do know that, don't you? It's all a fucking lie! I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
Oh, please.
I don't need pity from a prostitute, thanks very much.
That's enough.
It's OK.
Yeah.
Yeah, do what she says, nice, little Ben.
Hey! Hannah's gone out of her way to look after you while your mum Yeah? .
.
while your mother's away.
Where is she? Poppy Where is she? Prison.
Tell me one thing.
Was she ever a prostitute? I slipped away last night Took me away from sight And the place I know You OK? Yeah, I just feel awful for her.
Yeah, I know.
But don't forget, it's Stephanie's fault.
She dumped her on you.
Of course she was gonna find out eventually.
Yeah, maybe.
Definitely.
Thank you.
What for? For standing up for me.
Can't pay the mortgage alone.
I'm sure she'll feel better tomorrow.
Perhaps we sit down, have a proper conversation with her.
Yeah, perhaps.
Who was that? No-one.
Come on.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Mended and all made clean I saw upon the screen All the stones I throw To be continued, I guess, Hannah.
I thought your book was just wow! We think it's absolutely perfect for the big screen.
Oh! Would you consider yourself a feminist? Silence! Mum, did you send me to live with an escort? There's no need to make such a fuss about it! Do you charge more for the gross stuff? I've never done this with anyone, but, erm Charlotte.
Mummy! I'm ready to come out now!