The Batman (2004) s04e03 Episode Script
Clayfaces
[JOKER LAUGHS.]
JOKER: A drop or two of Joker serum into each can of dog food and every Rex, Rover and Fido in Gotham will laugh like a hyena.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY.]
The kids will love it.
Pardon me, sir, your plan-- How does one put it? Hey.
Stinks on ice.
I must concur, Jude.
Okay.
One, you never ever talk to me like that.
And two, when did you two ever talk at all? [GROWLS.]
Oh, no! BOTH: Oh, yes.
Clayface! It's time you finally pay for making me into this monster, Joker.
Pay? You should thank me.
Detective Bennett was so blah.
This is an improvement.
This is a curse.
[GROWLS.]
Huh? [GROANS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[CLAYFACE CHUCKLES.]
[GRUNTS.]
-Huh? -This time, Joker, there's no escape.
How about we put me down and settle this like gentlem-- Oh, we'll settle it all right.
Don't do it, Clayface.
Hey, Bats, been expecting you.
Who's the kid? The name's Robin.
Allow me to introduce my foot to your-- Put him down.
[GRUNTS.]
He's all yours.
Just finishing up some old business.
Before I turned myself in as well.
I thought Ethan Bennett was gone for good.
Me too.
But a criminal isn't who I am.
I'm ready to pay for my crimes.
We're not gonna trust this crook.
Are we, Batman? Who do you think tipped off the police? [POLICE SIRENS WAILING.]
[GUNS COCKS.]
POLICE: Freeze.
Gotham P.
D.
[JOKER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Two for one.
Good work, Batman.
Thank Detective Bennett.
He made the collar and turned himself in.
POLICEMAN: Ex-detective.
Take them away.
[JOKER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Well, that was easy.
Why don't we knock off early? Catch a movie? WOMAN: Next, please.
Basil Karlo.
You can stop the auditions because you are looking at the new face of Waggie-Time dog food.
Yeah, we'll need to read you anyway.
Just a formality.
It's magic time.
Waggie-Time is the only premium dog food that's good enough for my best friend.
It has the rich meaty taste that dogs crave.
Waggie-Time.
It's wag-eriffic.
Okay, we've seen enough.
I'm afraid you just don't have the right look.
What is it now? My nose? Last time my ears were too big.
Before that I was too short.
What do I gotta do to get a stinking part? Maybe you should think about acting classes.
Acting classes? Ha! You wouldn't know a good actor if you tripped over one.
One day everyone in Gotham will know this face.
BRUCE: I met Ethan when I was a little younger than you.
We got left behind at the Natural History Museum on a school field trip.
And spent the rest of the day exploring Gotham on our own.
We've been best friends ever since.
Until Joker turned his mind into mud.
You said he tried to go straight once before.
Think you can trust him this time? I once trusted Ethan enough to nearly reveal my secret to him.
I'm not so sure anymore.
[KNOCKING.]
ETHAN: Bruce.
Nice to see a friendly face around here.
I have good news.
Wayne lndustries is this close to a cure.
Soon, Clayface will be just a bad memory.
That's great, Bruce, but I'm not so sure I wanna be cured.
I always thought what happened to me was a curse.
But taking down Joker made me think.
What if I serve my time and come back on the force as Clayface? The bad guys wouldn't stand a chance.
We've been down that road before, Ethan.
Your powers lead to abuse.
The only way to bring Ethan Bennett back fully is to rid you of Clayface completely.
Maybe I need a new headshot.
WOMAN: Now there's a face only a mother could love.
Oh, sorry.
Just bring me the usual.
After capturing Joker Clayface turned himself in to Gotham police.
Detective Ethan Bennett terrorized Gotham City as Clayface.
With his ability to change his shape and mold his features.
Man, what I'd give to be able to mold this mug.
REPORTER: Wayne Industries has isolated the mutagen that gave Bennett his extraordinary powers.
And report they are close to developing a cure.
Huh? A cure? What a waste.
Wayne Industries, huh? [RUMBLES.]
Okay, people, where are we? Let's go, talk to me.
Can I help you, Dr.
" Norvoff"? Somebody point me to the Clayface mutagen.
I need to run an electron scan, stat.
Can I see your clearance? I got your clearance right here, poindexter.
Hey! Come back.
[GRUNTS THEN ALARM WAILING.]
Highly unstable sample coming through.
I need to get to the electron chamber, stat.
Stop right there.
Oh, nuts.
Calm down, buddy.
There's nowhere to go.
[GULPS.]
Too late.
[PANTS AND GLASS BREAKS.]
Better call an ambulance.
[SMOLDERS.]
Ugh! -Whoa.
-Uh.
MAN: Code red in Sector 8.
WOMAN: Help! He's crazy.
He took my purse.
-He went that way.
-Intruder heading north.
What a performance.
[LAUGHS.]
The suspect ingested a highly concentrated form of the Clayface mutagen Ethan was exposed to.
I don't get it.
Why would anyone willingly down a dangerous toxin? There are a lot of troubled people out there, Dick.
Once we find our man, we'll find our answer.
BRUCE: We have a match, Basil Karlo.
He's an actor.
That is, if starring in Revenge of the Atomic Clone qualifies as acting.
[SOUNDTRACK PLAYING.]
Twenty years ago, I was thrown out of the university for crimes against nature.
Why? Because of my work to create a race of biogenetic supermen! Can understand why he hasn't worked in over 1 0 years.
We are so watching that movie.
--has that rich, meaty taste that dogs crave.
Waggie-Time.
It's wag-eriffic.
Thank you, uh, Brock.
I think we've seen enough.
So when do we start shooting? I'm sorry.
But you're just not right for the role.
Really? Because if my look is the problem, that I can change.
[SCREAMS.]
I can even play the dog.
[GROWLS AND SCREAMS.]
Three people were hospitalized today following an assault by a man with the powers of the super-villain Clayface.
Ah, what have I done? My life is ruined.
REPORTER: With Ethan Bennett in custody police have turned their attention to a second Clayface.
A man identified by victims as actor Basil Karlo.
Great.
They know it's me.
Oh! They know it's me.
REPORTER 2: Basil Karlo, seen here in this high school production of Rent-- Karlo was born in Denver-- The actor has been in-- To create a race of biogenetic supermen.
Beings of unthinkable strength and power.
[WOMAN SCREAMS AND PLATES BREAK.]
It's him! Clayface! [SCREAMING.]
[CAMERA CLICKS.]
A star is born.
It's magic time.
Clayface, a most pitiable freak of nature.
KARLO : But it was not the mutation that turned him into a monster.
Rather, his fellow man, who viewed this troubled soul as a pariah.
And though he knew it was too late he secretly hoped for a chance at redemption.
[ELECTRIC CRACKLING.]
BATMAN: Show's over, Karlo.
It's not too late to get help.
It is too late for acting lessons, though.
Sorry, Batman, but this is the role I was born to play.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROANS THEN GROWLS.]
Hmm? You're not a criminal, Karlo.
Why use these powers to become one? Because that's what the role is.
Isn't it, Batman? And now that I'm a celebrity I'll need the cash to start living like one.
Now, answer me a question: How long can your little buddy hold his breath? [GRUNTING AND MOANING.]
[GASPING.]
REPORTER: Clayface 2 continues his week-long crime spree with a robbery at the Gotham Jewelry Exchange.
I interviewed Karlo yesterday at an undisclosed location.
My mother, she walked out on us kids when I was 5.
We had to beg on the streets.
My sister, little Suzi used to ask why she had to go to bed hungry every night.
I'm sorry.
Are you crying? No.
What about the Batman? Hey, this isn 't about Batman.
It's about me! Then you're not concerned the Dark Knight will stop you? Look, lady.
Gotham 's got a new leading man.
No one's been able to stop Karlo.
Not even the Batman.
It' d just be a temporary reassignment.
If you could just put in a good word for me.
Don't even ask, Ethan.
Bruce, you once said you trusted me like a brother.
ETHAN: I need you to trust me now.
I need a chance to prove myself.
And it takes a Clayface to stop a Clayface.
[GROANS.]
MAN: Dinnertime, Mr.
Bennett.
[GASPS.]
No.
It's not possible.
DICK: You called it, Bruce.
Think he's going after Karlo? Sometimes Ethan is his own worst enemy.
Wayne Industries has just finished a dose of antidote.
I'll go there to pick it up.
You track down Bennett.
[RUMBLING AND GLASS BREAKING.]
KARLO: This should get me on the national news.
Hmm? BATMAN: You're late.
Some of us don't have jet-propelled cars.
Gordon just got a tip about Karlo's whereabouts.
Gosh, Batman.
Let's go clobber that creep.
Ah! Gotcha, bat-jerk.
Huh? Boo.
Clayface? [MOANS.]
Knew you couldn't resist a chance to take down the Batman.
How did you know it was me? My grandma can do a better Robin than you.
[KARLO SCREAMS.]
[GRUNTING AND PANTING.]
Why are you even here? You're not a cop anymore.
I am a cop.
Always was, always will be.
And I will not rest until I bring you down.
Hmm.
Not gonna happen.
[GROWLS.]
You see, I've been practicing.
And this Clayface sequel is bigger and better than the original.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING AND PANTING.]
[MOANS.]
You should have stayed in Arkham.
[WHIRRING.]
[BEEPING THEN EXPLODES.]
[CREAKS.]
Whoa! Uh, I can explain.
-The antidote.
-No! Come on, take the serum.
Sorry, Bats.
I didn't mean to.
-I'm one of the good guys now.
-The good guys don't break out of Arkham.
[CREAKS.]
[GROWLS.]
Bats, you need me on this one.
Take the antidote and sit this one out.
I say we let him help.
Bats, trust me.
[WHIRRING.]
[GROWLS.]
[RUMBLES AND CREAKS.]
Ah! Huh? [GROWLS.]
[GROWLS.]
[PANTS.]
[METAL CREAKS.]
That doesn't sound good.
[BREAKS THEN CRASHES.]
Robin! CLAYFACE: Over here, Bats.
[BOTH GRUNTS.]
CLAYFACE: I think we did it, Bats.
[RUMBLES.]
[GROWLS.]
It's magic time.
BATMAN: Pull back.
We need to regroup.
No.
Just get the antidote ready.
[RUMBLES.]
[GASPING.]
[CLAYFACE GRUNTS.]
Huh? What are you doing? Get out of me! [GRUNTS.]
Now, Bats.
The antidote.
What? -End it.
-No.
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Welcome back, Ethan.
The doctors say even though you shared a single dose of antidote your tests show a complete remission of the mutated cells.
When I get out of here, what do you say we shoot some hoops? Count on it.
I know I have a long way to go.
But I hope I can earn back your trust.
Checkmate, clayboy.
They say you're cured.
But I think you're still a little soft in the head.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY.]
Jerk.
[GRUNTING.]
Huh?
JOKER: A drop or two of Joker serum into each can of dog food and every Rex, Rover and Fido in Gotham will laugh like a hyena.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY.]
The kids will love it.
Pardon me, sir, your plan-- How does one put it? Hey.
Stinks on ice.
I must concur, Jude.
Okay.
One, you never ever talk to me like that.
And two, when did you two ever talk at all? [GROWLS.]
Oh, no! BOTH: Oh, yes.
Clayface! It's time you finally pay for making me into this monster, Joker.
Pay? You should thank me.
Detective Bennett was so blah.
This is an improvement.
This is a curse.
[GROWLS.]
Huh? [GROANS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[CLAYFACE CHUCKLES.]
[GRUNTS.]
-Huh? -This time, Joker, there's no escape.
How about we put me down and settle this like gentlem-- Oh, we'll settle it all right.
Don't do it, Clayface.
Hey, Bats, been expecting you.
Who's the kid? The name's Robin.
Allow me to introduce my foot to your-- Put him down.
[GRUNTS.]
He's all yours.
Just finishing up some old business.
Before I turned myself in as well.
I thought Ethan Bennett was gone for good.
Me too.
But a criminal isn't who I am.
I'm ready to pay for my crimes.
We're not gonna trust this crook.
Are we, Batman? Who do you think tipped off the police? [POLICE SIRENS WAILING.]
[GUNS COCKS.]
POLICE: Freeze.
Gotham P.
D.
[JOKER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Two for one.
Good work, Batman.
Thank Detective Bennett.
He made the collar and turned himself in.
POLICEMAN: Ex-detective.
Take them away.
[JOKER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Well, that was easy.
Why don't we knock off early? Catch a movie? WOMAN: Next, please.
Basil Karlo.
You can stop the auditions because you are looking at the new face of Waggie-Time dog food.
Yeah, we'll need to read you anyway.
Just a formality.
It's magic time.
Waggie-Time is the only premium dog food that's good enough for my best friend.
It has the rich meaty taste that dogs crave.
Waggie-Time.
It's wag-eriffic.
Okay, we've seen enough.
I'm afraid you just don't have the right look.
What is it now? My nose? Last time my ears were too big.
Before that I was too short.
What do I gotta do to get a stinking part? Maybe you should think about acting classes.
Acting classes? Ha! You wouldn't know a good actor if you tripped over one.
One day everyone in Gotham will know this face.
BRUCE: I met Ethan when I was a little younger than you.
We got left behind at the Natural History Museum on a school field trip.
And spent the rest of the day exploring Gotham on our own.
We've been best friends ever since.
Until Joker turned his mind into mud.
You said he tried to go straight once before.
Think you can trust him this time? I once trusted Ethan enough to nearly reveal my secret to him.
I'm not so sure anymore.
[KNOCKING.]
ETHAN: Bruce.
Nice to see a friendly face around here.
I have good news.
Wayne lndustries is this close to a cure.
Soon, Clayface will be just a bad memory.
That's great, Bruce, but I'm not so sure I wanna be cured.
I always thought what happened to me was a curse.
But taking down Joker made me think.
What if I serve my time and come back on the force as Clayface? The bad guys wouldn't stand a chance.
We've been down that road before, Ethan.
Your powers lead to abuse.
The only way to bring Ethan Bennett back fully is to rid you of Clayface completely.
Maybe I need a new headshot.
WOMAN: Now there's a face only a mother could love.
Oh, sorry.
Just bring me the usual.
After capturing Joker Clayface turned himself in to Gotham police.
Detective Ethan Bennett terrorized Gotham City as Clayface.
With his ability to change his shape and mold his features.
Man, what I'd give to be able to mold this mug.
REPORTER: Wayne Industries has isolated the mutagen that gave Bennett his extraordinary powers.
And report they are close to developing a cure.
Huh? A cure? What a waste.
Wayne Industries, huh? [RUMBLES.]
Okay, people, where are we? Let's go, talk to me.
Can I help you, Dr.
" Norvoff"? Somebody point me to the Clayface mutagen.
I need to run an electron scan, stat.
Can I see your clearance? I got your clearance right here, poindexter.
Hey! Come back.
[GRUNTS THEN ALARM WAILING.]
Highly unstable sample coming through.
I need to get to the electron chamber, stat.
Stop right there.
Oh, nuts.
Calm down, buddy.
There's nowhere to go.
[GULPS.]
Too late.
[PANTS AND GLASS BREAKS.]
Better call an ambulance.
[SMOLDERS.]
Ugh! -Whoa.
-Uh.
MAN: Code red in Sector 8.
WOMAN: Help! He's crazy.
He took my purse.
-He went that way.
-Intruder heading north.
What a performance.
[LAUGHS.]
The suspect ingested a highly concentrated form of the Clayface mutagen Ethan was exposed to.
I don't get it.
Why would anyone willingly down a dangerous toxin? There are a lot of troubled people out there, Dick.
Once we find our man, we'll find our answer.
BRUCE: We have a match, Basil Karlo.
He's an actor.
That is, if starring in Revenge of the Atomic Clone qualifies as acting.
[SOUNDTRACK PLAYING.]
Twenty years ago, I was thrown out of the university for crimes against nature.
Why? Because of my work to create a race of biogenetic supermen! Can understand why he hasn't worked in over 1 0 years.
We are so watching that movie.
--has that rich, meaty taste that dogs crave.
Waggie-Time.
It's wag-eriffic.
Thank you, uh, Brock.
I think we've seen enough.
So when do we start shooting? I'm sorry.
But you're just not right for the role.
Really? Because if my look is the problem, that I can change.
[SCREAMS.]
I can even play the dog.
[GROWLS AND SCREAMS.]
Three people were hospitalized today following an assault by a man with the powers of the super-villain Clayface.
Ah, what have I done? My life is ruined.
REPORTER: With Ethan Bennett in custody police have turned their attention to a second Clayface.
A man identified by victims as actor Basil Karlo.
Great.
They know it's me.
Oh! They know it's me.
REPORTER 2: Basil Karlo, seen here in this high school production of Rent-- Karlo was born in Denver-- The actor has been in-- To create a race of biogenetic supermen.
Beings of unthinkable strength and power.
[WOMAN SCREAMS AND PLATES BREAK.]
It's him! Clayface! [SCREAMING.]
[CAMERA CLICKS.]
A star is born.
It's magic time.
Clayface, a most pitiable freak of nature.
KARLO : But it was not the mutation that turned him into a monster.
Rather, his fellow man, who viewed this troubled soul as a pariah.
And though he knew it was too late he secretly hoped for a chance at redemption.
[ELECTRIC CRACKLING.]
BATMAN: Show's over, Karlo.
It's not too late to get help.
It is too late for acting lessons, though.
Sorry, Batman, but this is the role I was born to play.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROANS THEN GROWLS.]
Hmm? You're not a criminal, Karlo.
Why use these powers to become one? Because that's what the role is.
Isn't it, Batman? And now that I'm a celebrity I'll need the cash to start living like one.
Now, answer me a question: How long can your little buddy hold his breath? [GRUNTING AND MOANING.]
[GASPING.]
REPORTER: Clayface 2 continues his week-long crime spree with a robbery at the Gotham Jewelry Exchange.
I interviewed Karlo yesterday at an undisclosed location.
My mother, she walked out on us kids when I was 5.
We had to beg on the streets.
My sister, little Suzi used to ask why she had to go to bed hungry every night.
I'm sorry.
Are you crying? No.
What about the Batman? Hey, this isn 't about Batman.
It's about me! Then you're not concerned the Dark Knight will stop you? Look, lady.
Gotham 's got a new leading man.
No one's been able to stop Karlo.
Not even the Batman.
It' d just be a temporary reassignment.
If you could just put in a good word for me.
Don't even ask, Ethan.
Bruce, you once said you trusted me like a brother.
ETHAN: I need you to trust me now.
I need a chance to prove myself.
And it takes a Clayface to stop a Clayface.
[GROANS.]
MAN: Dinnertime, Mr.
Bennett.
[GASPS.]
No.
It's not possible.
DICK: You called it, Bruce.
Think he's going after Karlo? Sometimes Ethan is his own worst enemy.
Wayne Industries has just finished a dose of antidote.
I'll go there to pick it up.
You track down Bennett.
[RUMBLING AND GLASS BREAKING.]
KARLO: This should get me on the national news.
Hmm? BATMAN: You're late.
Some of us don't have jet-propelled cars.
Gordon just got a tip about Karlo's whereabouts.
Gosh, Batman.
Let's go clobber that creep.
Ah! Gotcha, bat-jerk.
Huh? Boo.
Clayface? [MOANS.]
Knew you couldn't resist a chance to take down the Batman.
How did you know it was me? My grandma can do a better Robin than you.
[KARLO SCREAMS.]
[GRUNTING AND PANTING.]
Why are you even here? You're not a cop anymore.
I am a cop.
Always was, always will be.
And I will not rest until I bring you down.
Hmm.
Not gonna happen.
[GROWLS.]
You see, I've been practicing.
And this Clayface sequel is bigger and better than the original.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING AND PANTING.]
[MOANS.]
You should have stayed in Arkham.
[WHIRRING.]
[BEEPING THEN EXPLODES.]
[CREAKS.]
Whoa! Uh, I can explain.
-The antidote.
-No! Come on, take the serum.
Sorry, Bats.
I didn't mean to.
-I'm one of the good guys now.
-The good guys don't break out of Arkham.
[CREAKS.]
[GROWLS.]
Bats, you need me on this one.
Take the antidote and sit this one out.
I say we let him help.
Bats, trust me.
[WHIRRING.]
[GROWLS.]
[RUMBLES AND CREAKS.]
Ah! Huh? [GROWLS.]
[GROWLS.]
[PANTS.]
[METAL CREAKS.]
That doesn't sound good.
[BREAKS THEN CRASHES.]
Robin! CLAYFACE: Over here, Bats.
[BOTH GRUNTS.]
CLAYFACE: I think we did it, Bats.
[RUMBLES.]
[GROWLS.]
It's magic time.
BATMAN: Pull back.
We need to regroup.
No.
Just get the antidote ready.
[RUMBLES.]
[GASPING.]
[CLAYFACE GRUNTS.]
Huh? What are you doing? Get out of me! [GRUNTS.]
Now, Bats.
The antidote.
What? -End it.
-No.
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Welcome back, Ethan.
The doctors say even though you shared a single dose of antidote your tests show a complete remission of the mutated cells.
When I get out of here, what do you say we shoot some hoops? Count on it.
I know I have a long way to go.
But I hope I can earn back your trust.
Checkmate, clayboy.
They say you're cured.
But I think you're still a little soft in the head.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY.]
Jerk.
[GRUNTING.]
Huh?