The Boondocks s04e03 Episode Script

In retrospect, it really was my fault.
This is all your fault, Granddad.
If we die, I ain't never gonna forgive you.
Please, don't turn over! Oh, no.
What are we gonna do? First thing you need to do is get some clothes on.
All right, think.
We got to think about what we're gonna do.
Huey, what do we do? We go home.
This way.
What home? We have no home.
We have no future.
We have nothing! Granddad! Granddad, come on.
Nope.
This is it.
End of the road for me.
Granddad, we don't have time for this.
They're coming.
You guys go.
I'm not coming.
I'm going to stand in the middle of the road in my drawers with this gun until the man comes.
Then I'm gonna go out like a motherfucking G.
Granddad! You look real gay.
I am the stone that the builder refused I am the visual The inspiration that made lady sing the blues I'm the spark that makes your idea bright The same spark that lights the dark So that you can know your left from your right I am the ballot in your box The bullet in the gun The inner glow that let's you know to call your brother son The story that just begun The promise of what's to come And I'ma remain a soldier till the war is won Chop, chop, chop Judo flip Chop, chop, chop Judo flip Chop, chop, chop Judo flip Chop, chop, chop Boy, what the hell you doing in here? I told you I'm working with very unstable material.
It would help if you would knock.
It would help me if you shut the hell up.
I have that appointment with the financial planner, and you're both coming with me.
Man, why we have to go? Now that our situation has changed, we need to start thinking like white people.
All of us.
I told you I have to finish my chemistry project.
Are you sure you're just doing a chemistry project and not making no bombs? Yes, Granddad.
I swear.
I'm not making a bomb.
What is that That pink stuff right there? Isn't that what terrorists put up their booty hole, then they put a match up their booty hole to blow up the whole plane? You'd better not be making no booty-hole bombs around here.
It's not a bomb, Granddad.
It's wave cream.
I've been thinking about going with the Billy Dee look.
Good.
About time.
Come on, let's go.
Don't hold back.
Give it to me straight.
I've been giving it to you straight for a half-hour, Mr.
Freeman.
According to this, every one of your credit cards is maxed out.
You're broke.
You've got zip, zero, zilch.
I'd say you have six months before you and your grandchildren are homeless and starving.
Do you really need cable, high-speed internet? I see a lot of money on restaurants.
We don't go to restaurants.
That's Granddad going out on dates and feeding bitches again.
You'll probably also need to cut electricity, water.
How many kidneys do you have, Mr.
Freeman? Do you have any friends who traffic in drugs? Can you think of any way to make some quick money? Mr.
Freeman? Mr.
Freeman? Like we having sex Baby, grab your ankles You know what's next Look at that.
Oh, how the high yellow shall be last, and the last shall be high yellow.
Leave me alone, Ruckus.
I'm working as fast as I can.
Ah, yeah, nigga.
Oh, this ain't nothing like the movie car wash, is it, nigga? Oh, no.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
Ain't no singing, no dancing, no Richard Pryor.
Nothing.
Oh, by the way, that lazy Mexican sumbitch Chico canceled, and I need you to stay till closing time.
But I had plans tonight.
Plans? Plans? Ain't no nigga make no plans! Niggas just react to outside stimuli.
Now, I got some plans, too.
I plan to keep your black ass here.
Sumbitch! You heard that man, Granddad.
We don't have the finances to be feeding these bitches.
Everything's fine.
It's not that bad.
It's just one dinner.
Huey! Granddad's taking bitches out to eat again! Going on a hot date Hot date Hot date Going on a hot date Hot Aw, damn it.
I'm out of Nap-B-Gone! I might still have time to run to the store.
No way, Granddad.
We ain't got no money for wave gel.
You ain't got enough hair to worry about, no way.
Ah.
Pretty boy.
Player.
Hey, cutie pie.
Sorry for the late date.
My, uh, corner office was packed full of meetings.
Um, anyway, you all set for tonight? Where you want to go, baby? Mr.
Chin's? That I, uh, don't really like Chinese food.
Hey.
Here's an idea.
Why don't we skip the fancy dinner and just do something free? You know, like watch a movie on basic cable, pop some popcorn, make some Ramen noodles! Well, you see, to be honest, I'm a little short on cash.
Hello? Hello? Whew.
That was a close one.
What's for dinner? It's just not fair.
Truth is your Granddaddy has always had a hard time with women.
I'm not very fit.
I'm not very funny.
I'm not particularly good at conversation.
Lord knows I'm not good in bed.
But I had money, and as long as I had money, I could have a moderately satisfying sex life.
Ugh.
No more.
Well, did you try it? We're gonna be rich.
Yeah, my hair's so silky smooth.
I like your hair.
It's like you kind of got that JLo thing going on You know, kind of like the white girls.
I like that.
I like that.
It's pretty hot.
I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.
I'm so happy for you, Robert! This is gonna revolutionize the whole black-hair-care industry.
You're sitting on a gold mine.
Oh, thank you, Jesus.
I always knew if I pretended to believe in you, it would pay off someday.
So, what's the plan? Yeah, how do we get paid? Uh Now, now.
There's a lot that has to be done before you can bring something like this to market.
You need a business plan, lawyers, distribution.
How much more of this stuff do you have? I'm not sure.
I got it from Huey.
Well, where did he get it from? Hey, Granddad, have you seen that container of pink gel I was Hey, Huey.
How much more of that wave cream do you have? Granddad, you didn't.
This wave cream you made is way more than just wave cream.
It grows hair overnight.
It does what? It grows hair.
Long, straight, beautiful hair.
Granddad, that was a highly explosive compound for a bomb.
A bomb? A bomb? But you told me it wasn't a bomb.
You specifically said it was not a bomb.
Boy, come here! Come here! You want to make a bomb? I'm gonna bomb your narrow ass with this belt.
You got to wash that out right now.
All of you.
No! You'll never take my hair! No! Mine, either! Damn it, boy, why do you have to ruin everything? What are you making bombs for? To kill Ed Wuncler II and get our freedom back.
That's your plan? You know, for a smart nigga, you come up with some dumb-ass plans.
Now, how much of that bomb wave cream do you have? Hey, that should be the name "Bomb wave cream.
" Good idea.
Write it down before we forget.
Did you not hear me? One spark, and heads could actually explode.
"Bomb wave cream.
An explosion of beautiful hair.
" Ohhh.
I like that.
Granddad, you're gonna kill people.
We'll put a warning label on it.
"Warning, flammable.
" Moral dilemma solved.
Solved, nigga.
Hey, stop! Get off me! I need it! I need it! Don't you see, Huey? This This is our freedom.
I agreed to help Granddad find a buyer, if he agreed to wash his hair.
This is Boss Willona, proprietor of a black beauty salon we found on Yelp.
Supposedly, she knew everything there was about black beauty products, although I started to suspect her operation might not be completely legit.
This is a tough business.
Normally, I try to talk people out of it, but you guys You got something special, very special.
This isn't just hair relaxer.
This is art.
You niggas are some real artists.
We used your gel on the left half of Hot Chocolate's hair.
Bitches be hatin'.
This is better than white-bitch hair.
This is damn near virgin-Cambodian-bitch quality.
So, I can presume you're interested in placing an order, Ms.
Willona? Boss Willona.
Excuse me? I'm a businesswoman, Mr.
Freeman.
An African-American entrepreneur.
You don't think I've earned the right to be called "boss"? Huh? I mean, yes, of course.
You're the boss, Willona.
Whoa! All right, all right, all right.
I'll take all of it Whatever you got.
Boss Willona, could I advise my grandfather briefly? We need to get up out of here, Granddad.
Leave? Why? 'Cause they're gangsters.
Gangster? Boy, that's ridiculous.
Miss Boss Willona is a pillar of the community.
I assure you our operation is entirely legitimate.
Boss Willona, there's something you should know about this stuff.
No, there isn't.
Boy, that's enough.
No, Granddad, I think we should tell them.
Don't listen to him, boss lady Willona.
Damn, Huey.
Why you got to ruin everything? We got to tell them.
It's our responsibility to tell them, Granddad.
You drive me crazy, boy.
Man, Huey, I can't stand you.
Tell us what? Boss Willona, this stuff is dangerous.
It's a highly explosive compound.
Nobody should ever, ever put this in their hair.
Damn it, boy.
I'm gonna beat your ass when we get home.
Explosive? You think them bitches out there care about a little fire? This here will turn your brain green.
This stuff has plutonium.
This one here is acid.
Just acid.
Don't you get it? These bitches would put napalm on their hair if it would make it straight.
Put a warning label on it.
Bomb! Kaboom, niggas It's the bomb right here You bad-credit motherfucker Shut up for seven years We cook it, we pack it, we move it, we stack it We re-up, we flip it we all acrobatics You see us, yeah, we up I know you mad at it We fiends like they be We all cash addicts Deal it to the hookers that bang this shit We get it hand over fist Like some sign-language shit Honestly, sometimes I get tired of this shit But it's hard to forget how they line up for this shit It ain't just crack, nigga Everything's a trap I cook dope verses and serve hard raps Hustle this hooptie music You see me, son I'm a Money machine gun Oh, my God, I'm never gonna look like Beyonce! So, you're just gonna sit there and not help? That's okay.
He just don't get none of this money.
I understand, Huey.
So many bad things has happened to us.
It's hard not to assume the worst.
But don't you see? This time, it's different.
This time, everything's gonna work out perfectly.
I know it.
Next on Channel 11 news Could you have a bomb in your hair? We'll tell you which popular African-American hair-care product contains a dangerously explosive chemical.
You think they mean us? The trouble started when two women attempted to board a plane and were stopped after explosives were detected on their person.
Florida Beatrice Jackson and Teshawndretta Brown were detained for several hours before it was finally discovered that their hair Or more precisely, their hair relaxer was the culprit.
I know we look like A-rabs, all exotified and whatnot with all this hair, but we ain't, okay? So, they need to go fuck with them actual A-rab motherfuckers and leave niggas the fuck alone! The ironically named hair gel is the hottest-selling on the market, but experts claim a single jar contains enough high explosives to destroy a small plane or a Prius.
Channel 11 obtained a sample of the hair gel and placed it in the wig you see on this mannequin.
You can see for yourself the massive destructive power of this product.
Right like white beauty shop, which said it had sold out of the product, claimed it would not be ordering any more but refused to disclose the name of the manufacturer.
See? No snitching.
That's what I'm talking about.
Shush! Meanwhile, authorities are urging people who bought the product to call the police, and their local bomb squad will properly dispose of the gel.
This afternoon, the state legislature held an emergency session to make sale or possession of the hair gel a terrorist offense, punishable by torture, indefinite rendition, and execution by drone strike.
And they'll deserve it.
Tim, back to you.
Does this mean we can't make no more money? No, it's not over.
We'll appeal, shift blame.
They knew the risk.
There was a warning label.
Are you serious? It's Willona.
So, uh, I took the liberty of returning your money.
Hope there are no hard feelings.
I don't want the money back, Robert.
I want more gel.
A lot more.
But, Boss Willona, Bomb hair gel has been declared a controlled substance.
Selling more would be unthinkable.
I don't believe it's the government's right to tell black women they can't have long, beautiful hair.
Uh-uh.
Or black men, either.
So, you don't care that it's illegal? Just between us, my business isn't entirely legitimate.
No! You shouldn't have promised her more, Granddad.
There is no way I'm making more.
Fine.
We'll make it.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll make it, nigga.
You think you the only one in this house who knows chemistry? Obviously.
Okay.
Well, uh-huh.
I got a little of the stuff left.
I can send it to a lab.
Yeah.
That always works on TV.
I'll get it analyzed.
I'll make it myself.
How hard could it be? Analyzed, nigga.
Even if you could get the ingredients, you mix that stuff the wrong way, you'll blow up the whole house with us in it.
Wuncler owns this house.
I don't give a fuck.
Granddad, stop! You can help me do it safely or watch me blow this motherfucker up.
Your call, nigga.
You two have to follow my instructions exactly.
No problem.
Okay, okay, Huey.
I see you.
Maybe you ain't so gay after all.
And we can't do it here.
We need to set up somewhere nobody will find it.
Ew.
Couldn't you have gotten something nicer? We ain't taking it to a car show.
We're cooking hair relaxer.
Will this work? Yeah.
It'll work.
All right.
Let's get to it.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on, hold on, hold on.
What you doing? I can't have my clothes smelling like this stuff.
Yes, you can.
Hey, I ain't getting in there until he put on some clothes.
Shut up.
Let's get to it.
Why he always finding excuses to get naked, Huey? It's gay.
Even worse, it's homosexual.
Well, what now? Now we call Boss Willona.
So, this is where you make it? Smart.
Nobody will ever find this.
And everything you need is right in there, huh? Aw, man.
Why didn't we think to bring no gun? Don't take this personal, guys.
I'm a businesswoman.
It's just business.
I'ma get shot by a gay dude.
How embarrassing.
What? What do you want? The formula.
Teach us how to make it.
Mwah! Ugh.
Toodles.
Put out the cigarette.
Let me see.
I'll just take a little pour, then a pinch and a splash.
Or is it a splash, then a pinch and a pour? Wrong one.
Go! Riley! Granddad! We got to get out of here! This is all your fault, Granddad.
If we die, I ain't never gonna forgive you.
Don't turn over! Robert! You lazy nigga! You're supposed to be at the car wash! I'm docking you a full day's pay! It's not fair! I can't take it! Those motherfuckers.
They took everything! They can't get away with it! They can't! They can't get away with it! Oh, my head.
Yo, this nigga done lost his damn mind.
Hoo-hoo.
Let's go.
Keys? Uh-uh, but I can hot-wire this motherfucker.
Ohhh, I wish I'd died in Korea! In retrospect, it was my fault.
Let's go home.
But what about this? There are two bodies in there.
We chop 'em up and dump the bodies.
No.
No.
Look Look at the example I'm setting.
None of this is okay.
I'm a terrible grandparent.
You boys deserve better than this.
I'm gonna turn myself in.
Got it! What the fuck.
Which way you say home was? This way.
I hope nobody see us walking home with you in your underwear.