The Librarians (2014) s04e03 Episode Script

1 BANK MANAGER: You wish to open an account? Yes, please, sir.
It would be an honor.
And what would you bring as collateral? It's the thing you want.
The thing you want best of all.
You've brought me The Vessel? (DOOR OPENS) After all these years, I finally have his precious This is a forgery.
You dare attempt to deceive the Bank of Thieves? You two are toxic assets, and you know what the Bank of Thieves does with toxic assets.
It liquidates them.
- Wait.
- No! Wait, I (GRUNTING) Let me be very clear.
No touching.
- It can't be.
- I don't believe it.
- It's Santa's sleigh! - Yes, it is.
And also, no touching.
Chassis made of exotic materials, runners forged of reinforced steel.
I wonder how fast this cat can go when it gets on it.
Mr.
Stone, please, may I remind you of the enormity of our responsibility here.
This is the first time Santa has ever left the sleigh in the care of anyone except the elves.
We have a duty of care.
To guard it, to protect it, and not to touch it.
I think it's wonderful.
The elves are finally due a break.
Yes, indeed.
So, as Santa was, and we all are.
Yeah, except for us, 'cause we'll on on sleigh duty all Christmas.
I'm sorry, Ezekiel.
Are we boring you? You keep checking your watch.
Yeah.
It's a nice watch.
I like it, okay? Sunglasses! Sunglasses! Where are my sunglasses? They're on your head.
- Ah.
Sun hat? Sun hat? Su - Also on your head.
I'm not crazy about this whole vacation idea.
What are you talking about? To get asked to go on vacation with Santa is an honor.
I'm not in a very relaxing mood.
That is why you need a vacation.
That's like me saying I'm not hungry and you saying so have a big cake.
All right, now, thank you.
Librarians, please remember, the sleigh must rest and recuperate in order to recover its Christmas cheer after the festive rush, so no touching.
Jenkins, I'm getting this strange, almost subliminal sense that you don't want us to touch it? - Uh - Jenkins, come on! We've got a door to catch.
Let's vamoose.
Let's giddyup.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
You sure you guys are gonna be okay? Yeah.
We're gonna be here at the Library with a little quiet time like little church mice.
Let's get this party started! (CHUCKLES) (CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING) So, what do you think? You shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.
Uh, I'm at a loss for words, literally.
Knew you would love them.
I was worried they were gonna be a little understated, but now that I see them with you guys, they're perfect! (CHUCKLES) - Try 'em on.
- Right now? Uh, I don't want to ruin it by wearing it.
It's warm in the Library.
- It's so - Go for it.
Listen, I don't want to get the delicious eggnog on this beautiful craftsmanship.
I think I'm gonna put one of these stars on this portrait of Septimus the Seer.
He won't mind.
Probably saw it coming.
Jenkins said don't put any tacky decorations up CASSANDRA: Well, Jenkins isn't here.
And one man's tacky is another girl's tasteful.
Ooh, Ezekiel, hand me that tinsel baby Jesus.
Ezekiel? Where'd he go? (ZAPS) VOICES: A day for stealing A day for trouble and much double-dealing Hooray for greed and laws made for breaking We're giving up giving for Happy Thankstaking (CHEERING) Happy Thankstaking, girls.
Ooh, Charity.
(CHUCKLES) - This is - It's a Crowlex watch.
I stole it from Value Palace.
This is lovely.
You may put the price tag on the shrine, dearie.
Ooh! I nicked this one from the mall for you, Mum.
- Ooh.
- (MUSIC PLAYING) Thank you.
Ooh, that is perfect! Just remember, love, it's the price that counts.
We are doing him proud this year, aren't we? (DOOR OPENS) (GASPS) Ezekiel! Oh, my boy.
Happy Thankstaking, love.
You are just in time to give me my gift.
Hello, Mum.
Charity, Honor, Mercy.
What's this? Uh, it's the glass figurine you said you wanted.
I thought it'd be nice, you know.
- You've got a collection going - No, no, no, no, no.
I mean, this.
There's no price tag.
- (GASPING) - You bought this.
How am I supposed to honor the Saint of Thieves with a bought gift? The whole point is you have to give Mum something you stole.
We're celebrating the Patron Saint of Thieves.
He can't accept a gift that isn't stolen.
- He's not real! - Neither is Santa.
Which is why we celebrate Thankstaking Day.
And you give the gifts to me.
But the gift must be stolen.
You know I don't steal anymore.
"Can't steal" is more like it.
- You never could.
- (LAUGHTER) I can steal just fine.
He's never had a knack for the family business.
Well, actually I have quite the knack.
That's not the point.
Remember when he stole that stupid egg thing? (LAUGHTER) It was a Fabergé egg, okay? Well, last month, your baby sister Mercy here, stole a pickup truck with a dual hemi right off the lot.
It was the crime of the century.
Congratulations, Mercy.
A pickup truck.
A dual hemi pickup truck! You know, you should try and be a little bit more like your sisters.
He's not even in our league.
I'm not in your league? If you can't make it in crime, lad, you you really need to figure out what it is you're doing with your life.
You want to know what I'm doing with my life? Saving yours and yours and yours and every damn person you know! Remember last year, hmm? When the world didn't end? Well, that was because of me.
Yeah, I've traveled the world.
I've traveled through time, alternate realities.
I've battled demons, giants, and beasts.
And for your information, Mother, Santa is real.
I know, 'cause I met him.
Did you sit on his lap? - (LAUGHTER) - (DOOR CLOSES) Girls, stop it, stop it.
You've upset you've upset your brother.
Ezekiel.
Oh, Zekey, stop it! Wait.
Listen, love, it's good you got an imagination.
You think I'm making it all up? Just because you can't steal, that I can steal, Mother! I have chosen not to! I'm doing something important with my life.
(CHUCKLES) Magic? What are you gonna do? Birthday parties? Shriner conventions? I am talking about actually, you know what? Forget it.
- Come see for yourself.
- (GRUNTS) Take a look at this.
Does this look imaginary to you, Mum? (GASPS) Our shed is bigger on the inside.
This is the Library.
Yeah, yeah, it's a magic door.
And and you spin the globe and it locks on to any door in the world.
Because that's how cool the Library is.
I mean, this is where I work now.
It's who I am.
You know, it's the most magical, secretive, important place on Earth.
And it is full of the most improbable, impossible stuff you've ever dreamt of.
And no one knows about it 'cause no one can.
It is top secret.
No one's even supposed to know that it exists.
Especially you, Mum.
All right, uh, look, you know what? We have to go.
You were right.
I was joking.
Uncle Harold, he put me up to it.
That flaming drunkard.
All right, good-bye now.
Merry Christmas and Happy Thankstaking.
(EXHALES) Stone? Cassandra? I'm back.
- I'm sorry.
(STAMMERS) - No, no, no, no! I gotta take one more look.
No, no, no.
I gotta take one more look.
(EXHALES SHARPLY) Look at this.
Look at the ergonomics.
Deceptively simple.
Once you cut this bronco loose, then you better back up, boy! 'Cause it'll kick you in the head.
Hey, if I'm honest, I like this more than I do the magic door.
Guys, where's the globe? Someone stole the magic globe.
Oh! (GASPS) Someone stole the magic door.
- Oh, God, Mum.
- We need to call Call Baird right did you just say - "Mum"? - Sorry, n uh, I might have given the, uh, impression that I was the black sheep of my family.
But, um, in actual reality, I'm more like the black sheep in a flock of black sheep, and my mum is the shepherd.
Your mother stole the magic door? What was she doing here, Jones? Well, I you know how it gets with family.
They just get all up in your face and you just Bring the to the secret magic library to steal the secret magic door? That never happens.
How good is she? Uh, as a mother? Okay.
Not great.
- As a thief.
- Uh, okay, not great.
Wrong, Jones, all right? She stole a magic door.
She can go anywhere she wants.
We need to get it back.
Where did she take it? Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
You are not meeting my family.
Yeah, yeah.
This is what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna sort this out alone.
(RINGING) Hello? Oh, Eve, thank God! (GRUNTING) Flynn was right.
This is wonderful.
I'd say I told you so, but I'm too relaxed even to be right.
EVE: How are things with you? Actually, we have a problem.
Problem? What's the problem? No! No! Cass, please, please, please.
They're my family.
I'll sort it out, please! - I thought we were your family.
- You're a different sort of family! - EVE: Cass! Cass, what's the problem? - I like you guys.
Please! Please, please! I'm begging you! I'm begging you! - Cassandra? - I've never seen him like this.
- Me neither.
- What's the problem? It's okay.
We got everything sorted out.
I found it.
The bottle opener was in the bottle opener drawer with the bottle openers.
- All good.
- Okay.
Flynn, can you ask Jenkins to get me one of those drinks with the little umbrellas inside? - Actually two.
- Two umbrellas? Drinks.
Bye, kids.
I can't believe you made me lie for you.
Ezekiel, I am not a Li - Muah! - Hey, man.
You're amazing, you're fantastic! You're my Christmas miracles.
- I'll see you guys later.
- Wait, where do you think you're going? - To get back the door.
- Where does she even live? - Just outside of Sydney, Australia.
- That explains the accent.
Problem.
How are you going to get 8,000 miles across the world with no magic door? - Solution.
- No.
- Yes.
Yep.
- Nope.
No way! Yep! It's time to let this kitty purr.
Oh, no, no, no.
You're not coming with me.
Jones, I'm not passing up a chance to drive this thing.
I am not letting this sleigh out of my sight, especially with the two of you in it.
It's all or nothing, Ezekiel.
What's it gonna be? All right, fine.
But don't say I didn't warn you.
Hey, uh, don't we need reindeer? You know, Comet, Cancer, - Flasher, Nixon? - What? No.
They aren't canonical, okay? Reindeer didn't show up in Santa's legends until "The Night Before Christmas," 1823.
- It must run on rocket fuel.
- Nope.
Christmas cheer.
All the goodwill running through the world at this time of year, see? Oh, except it's nearly empty.
It's got its own key! It's got a candy cane key.
(ENGINE STARTING) (EXHALES SHARPLY) Careful, you don't need to show off.
Just take it nice and gentle.
Hey, hey, hey! Settle down.
Trying to get the hang of this bronco.
Don't break it! Don't break it! Don't break it! Ah! (GRUNTING) I think I got it.
Whoa! Santa's goggles! - Get in.
- I'm in.
- I'm already in.
- (ENGINE STARTING) (SLEIGH SCREECHING) STONE: Get ready to drop the hammer and raise the throttle.
- Let this tiger bite.
- CASSANDRA: Stop calling it animals! (CASSANDRA SCREAMS) (STONE GRUNTS) (ALL GRUNTING, GASPING) Sorry.
Should have took into consideration the jet stream.
- Ha! Oh! - Aah! - You all right? - You don't get to drive anymore.
What if she's used the door and it's all gone wrong? What what if she's stuck in nether space or in limbo? Or what if she's used the door to steal Christmas presents from around the world? Mum! Mum? Wow.
Huh.
I know they said Christmas has gone commercial, but this is weird.
It's the Patron Saint of Thieves.
A family of thieves? - Today is Thankstaking Day.
- Thankstaking? It's a thieves' Christmas, all right? It's it's a darkened version of of the festive season, all right? Where robbery and greed are celebrated, not giving, not generosity.
Saint of Thieves.
In stories, it's like Santa's bad brother.
Huh.
I can see the familial resemblance.
- She's not upstairs.
- Guys, you gotta see this.
Guys, I found I found the globe.
Oh! Oh, Ezekiel, crikey.
You nearly gave me a heart attack.
Having fun, are we, Mum? Oh, these? Uh, this is not how it looks.
Really? 'Cause it looks like you've been using the magic door to steal other people's Christmas presents.
Okay, then it is how it looks.
So sue me.
Look, I've been celebrating Thankstaking.
Greed is good.
You know, I got greedy.
Good! Guys, you gotta see this.
Cassandra Cillian.
Mrs.
Jones, It's so nice to meet you.
Ezekiel has told us, well, absolutely nothing about you.
I should hope not.
I taught him better than that.
Tea? Yeah.
Guys! Do you know what this is? It's "The Concert" by Vermeer.
In 1990, two men posed as police officers and walked into the Gardner Museum in Boston and stole this masterpiece, all right? No one knows where it's been for 27 years.
I do.
Mum, what have you done? I quite liked it.
Maybe in the loo? Mum, this painting was stolen by the most dangerous man in the world, and you just stole it from him.
Well, with a magic door, he's hardly gonna catch me, is he? No, Mum, this man will.
This man you cannot hide from.
This man does not forgive.
Problem! The globe is on fire.
That wasn't me.
It was like that when I got it.
(ALL SCREAMING) (WHIMPERING) I'm getting pretty good at flying this thing.
(WHIMPERING) We're coming up over Geneva.
- Brace! - (ALL SCREAMING) - (GROANS) - That's it! Next time, I drive.
- Ha.
- Okay.
So someone explain to me what this bank is.
Well, legend has it it's a bank for thieves to protect their loot from other thieves.
You can deposit what you want, they don't ask questions.
It's guaranteed thief-proof.
Ezekiel, have you ever had an account there? No.
I never held on to what I stole for long enough.
Like that egg.
Mum, enough about the egg.
And it was a Fabergé egg.
I don't care what perfume you put on it, love, it was a stupid gift.
Mum, don't.
So, where's this Bank of Thieves? Here.
- Where's the door? - Exactly.
Fancy a game of chess? You don't know how to play chess.
Hmm.
Well, that's really not how you play.
STONE: Seems to be working for him.
- (GASPS) - How'd you do that? - You're in my world now.
- The chess pieces were the combination.
It's incredible.
Mum, once we're inside, I need you to do one thing for me.
Don't call me by my real name.
- What's wrong with Ezekiel? - Don't even say that out loud! You're gonna draw a lot of unwanted attention.
Why? Because every no-gooder has heard of Ez of him.
Oh, please, you're talking like my son's famous.
Unfortunately, he is.
(GASPS) "Maintain the honor"? Honor amongst thieves, I guess.
This is the one place thieves cannot rob, steal, or kill.
What would happen is someone got caught stealing here? (GROANING) (SCREAMS) - (GASPS) - They're liquidated.
Good luck on the adventure, kids.
Let me know how it all works out.
- (GROANS) - Come on, Mum.
Depositing one Fabergé egg.
Total value, 35 million.
You didn't tell me that stupid egg was worth that much.
Google it, Mum! (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Look at this.
South American cartel, Russian mafia, the Chinese Triads.
It's like every flavor of criminal in the world.
Why are they all twitching? You silly girl.
That's the ancient thieves' language of Fingerthumbs.
We're all fluent in our family.
- Mm! - (GASPS) Careful, boy.
If you don't speak Fingerthumbs, you don't know what your hands are saying.
Scratching your earlobe at someone is just about the rudest thing you can say to a thief.
- Can I get a beer? - Yes.
Looks like the vault's one more level down.
- We're gonna need a clear-out.
- A what? A distraction to get the guards away from the doorway.
Stone, you speak Russian, right? (CHEERING) (CHATTERING) (SPEAKING RUSSIAN) I think this fell out of your pocket.
That's not my wallet.
That's my wallet.
Give that to me, thief.
Who you call thief, thief? (GRUMBLING) Maintain the honor.
Maintain the honor! (GRUNTING) Mum, you are here for one reason and one reason only, and that is to show me exactly where you took that painting.
So that's no risks, no trouble, and do not touch anything.
Look, the magic door put me directly inside the vault.
Once we're in there, I'll know exactly where to put this.
Oh! Not so easy.
(EXHALES DEEPLY) Maybe we should forget about this.
I mean, we can just leave the painting right here.
I mean, you saw what they did to people who steal.
Mum, we're not stealing.
We're putting something back.
All right, see that button over there? Press that, it'll disable the alarms.
I'm gonna get there, turn it off, and we'll have a clear path to the vault.
How are you gonna get to that button? By being me.
(GRUNTING) - Huh.
- Watch out! (GRUNTING) How did you do that? Everything I've seen today, the wallet lift, the laser dance, this, with all those skills, how come you're not a great thief? Okay, Mum, why don't you tell me which slip did you take the painting from? This one.
203.
Ah.
All right.
- (ALARM BLARING) - Huh? Mum, the door! No, no, no, no, no.
No! I don't get it, we did everything right.
(EXHALES SHARPLY) (DOOR OPENING) Oh, no.
It's him.
Congratulations.
Very few thieves ever get this far.
You have earned my applause for your skill and your audacity.
No, really, it was it was nothing.
Forgive me, but you have the advantage.
I don't even know your names.
Uh, I I'm Lenore Jones.
Ms.
Lenore Jones.
- Mum! - Thi this is my son Ezekiel.
Mum! Ezekiel Jones? The Ezekiel Jones? I wondered when our paths would finally cross.
Uh, we weren't stealing.
We were actually returning some Mum, shut up, okay? You've got us into enough trouble.
Don't you speak to me like that.
Who do you think you are? Ezekiel Jones, the greatest thief in the world.
- What? Him? - Which leads me to ask, apart from being Ezekiel's mother, who the hell are you? I'm I'm no one.
Precisely.
And so I wonder, Mr.
Jones, how did a low-rent, low-class nothing of a shoplifter like her defeat the security of my bank? She is not nothing.
Oh, she is the very definition of the word, I'm afraid.
And yet she still broke in.
How? I know how to keep my gob shut, don't I? Jones don't crack.
(DEMONIC VOICE) How did you break in? - With a magic door.
- Mum! I'm sorry! I don't know why that just slipped out.
(NORMAL VOICE) Why not use it again? Mum, don't tell him.
(DEMONIC VOICE) Why? Because it overheated and then we had to us - Mum, don't! - Go on.
- In Santa's sl - Mum! Shut up.
Tell me.
In Santa's sleigh.
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
(NORMAL VOICE) The Vessel is here? Oh, you wonderful woman! I take it all back.
You are the greatest thief in the world.
- I am? - Oh, you are.
For you have brought me something I have been searching for across unimaginable lifetimes.
Guards! Sweep the streets.
Find the sleigh and bring it to me.
(CHUCKLES) Go! How'd you do that with your voice? You you hypnotized her! Uh, she's a thief.
And all thieves must answer me truthfully.
It is my right.
Just as Thankstaking is my day.
You find me at my most powerful, boy.
And soon, Santa's sleigh shall be mine to destroy.
And then I'll finally have revenge upon my accursed brother.
Oh, my God.
You're the Patron Saint of Thieves.
The Patron! In the flesh.
(CHATTERING) Clear the room! Everyone must go.
Now! Out! Everyone keep moving.
Bring it in.
We found this sitting out in the square.
Stop! They got Santa's sleigh.
Jenkins is gonna be so mad.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Having a good time, Colonel? I'm trying to drown this all out.
So much for a relaxing time.
Is it just me or does Santa have horrible taste in music? Horrible.
Look, I'm done.
Santa's driving me crazy.
Theses elves are driving me crazy.
- All I hear is this ringing in my ear.
- (PHONE RINGING) - No, no, that's your phone.
- What? Oh.
- Oh.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- (RINGING) - Yeah, hello.
- Jenkins, hey, hi.
Remember when you said you didn't know what you wanted to get me for Christmas? Well, what I really want is for you to help me with something, and then not tell Flynn and Baird that you did.
All right, Miss Cillian, explain.
We broke the door and we really need to get it working again because well, don't worry about that right now.
- Explain "broke.
" - Well hi, Jenkins.
Um, it overheated and then it caught fire a little bit.
Caught fire? All right, very well.
I can you through the repairs.
Okay.
And then we need you to do something else.
Something else you want me to keep secret? BOTH: Big time.
What's the point in destroying Santa's sleigh? No sleigh, no Christmas.
No Christmas, no Santa.
Ahh.
It's the only way to end him.
To make the children of the world stop believing in him.
And then he shall just be a tired old man fading into nothingness, whereas I I shall be stronger than ever.
Sir, we found Santa's sleigh.
It's all because of you, Mrs.
Jones.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
So, you're a world-famous thief, eh? Yeah, I've been trying to tell you.
And and you've broken into banks and museums.
Yes, but I've given up that life now.
I'm your mother.
How come I didn't know anything about this? - Mum, because you never listen.
- You selfish child! I took you in off the streets! I gave you a home! Made you part of my family.
And you had millions of dollars in your hands? Where's mine? Eh? They're going to sing songs about you.
(CHUCKLES) The sleigh is here.
Now there's just one little thing I need you to do.
You see, to destroy it, I need to own it first.
It's a terms and conditions kind of thing.
I need you to gift me the sleigh willingly, you understand? No tricks this time.
But I can only accept a gift that has been stolen.
Then she can't gift it to you because she didn't steal it.
I did, and I would never gift the sleigh to you.
Ezekiel's actually right.
Unless, of course, I was to steal it from him first.
There, nicked it.
Saint of Thieves, I gift Santa's sleigh to you.
(CHUCKLES) What are you doing? You said they'd sing songs about me.
Oh, they will.
Posthumously.
The penalty for breaking into my vault is death.
I don't care who you are, or in your case, whose mother you are.
I'll be back to deal with you once I verify the sleigh is real.
Thank you.
Okay, so now I know how to fix the magic door, but the magic door is in Australia, and we're in Geneva, which is not Australia.
You know how Jenkins does that thing where he pops up in the mirrors and the windows and the picture frames? - Yeah, the thing Judson used to do.
- Tell me, Cassandra, how do you think he's able to do that? - Magic? - Yeah.
I can't believe you hid your real life from me, Ezekiel.
Mum, we can talk about this later.
Right now, we need to get out of these ropes before the guards come back and kill us.
Didn't you listen to anything I taught you? You hold tension in your body when they're tying the knots.
That way, when you relax, you got some slack.
- Yes, Mum, what do you think I'm doing? - What do you think I'm doing? - Finding the slack? - Yep.
Slipping the knot.
BOTH: Et voila! So you did listen to me, hmm? Of course I do, Mum.
I've always listened to you.
- Then why'd you cheat me? - Cheat you? - How did I do that? - My share.
You must have made millions.
Where's my cut? Yes, I stole millions, but I never kept any of it! Oh, baloney.
Who doesn't want money? It was never about the money! I stole because it was an art, and I was an artist.
I gave it all away.
So you gave away money that could have been mine? I gave it to people who needed it.
Mum, when I stole the Sapphire of Qatar, a hundred kids went to college.
When I robbed Fort Knox, hospitals were built.
I've helped them build roads and dams, and I've supported people, people who couldn't support themselves for no other reason than they got unlucky.
That's why the Library chose me in the first place, and that's why I gave it up.
I give my talents freely now, Mum, for the greater good.
A calling.
All that money? You weren't just you weren't just a little bit tempted? When you've got a lot, you share.
(ALL SNORING) - (GHOSTLY MOANING) - (SCREAMING) - There's something in the mirror! - What now? Oh! (MOANING) I am the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Christmas Ghosts! I hate Christmas Ghosts! It is not too late to make amends for your terrible crimes.
Tell us.
Anything! Inside of your dining room, there is an old globe with a shocking amount of new technology inside it.
(ENGINE STARTING) That's the real deal.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, nearly out of Christmas cheer.
Once the needle hits zero, you go to work.
And then it's God bless us, everyone.
(CHUCKLES) (POWERS DOWN) STONE: Hi, guys.
Bear here with me for a second here 'cause I'm still I'm trying to get the language of the Fingerthumbs down.
Now, let me see if I got this right.
What exactly does this mean? (ALL GRUNTING) Feels like I'm already fluent.
Oh, Mr.
and Mother Jones, we were discussing the matter of your imminent demise.
Find them! Find them! - You guys are late.
- Well, we got tied up.
Yeah, I'm betting you guys have a plan.
Of course we do.
We're Librarians.
Oh, genius! We're gonna push the sleigh through the magic door.
Come on.
Oh, dear me.
Dear me.
No, no, no, no.
(CLICKS TONGUE) No, that won't do at all.
You are going precisely nowhere with my sleigh.
You have lost, Ezekiel Jones.
Christmas dies tonight.
Very disappointed in you, Ezekiel.
Is that your grand plan? To push the sleigh through a magic door? Well, the door is not for getting something out.
It's there to let someone in.
I'm so am I late? I'm late.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
I got stuck in a conga line.
Hello.
- This is for you.
- What is this? A pink slip.
A vehicle registration.
By the way, the sender also included this note.
"My dear brother, I am giving you a Christmas present my sleigh.
I gift it to you willingly and freely, Santa Claus.
" He's giving it to me? I don't understand.
You see, the Patron Saint of Thieves cannot accept a gift that is not stolen.
And this gift is given freely by it rightful owner.
Which means you cannot accept it.
Not now, not ever.
The sleigh and Christmas will always be safe from you.
Forever.
You lose.
Big time.
You can't do this to me! Not in my bank! Not on my day! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's so not fair! Whoa.
What happened there? Well, I think the Prince of Thieves just showed us his true face.
You know, it's been my experience that behind every egotistical blowhard, there is a petulant, scared little boy So, what do we do with it now? I will bring him back to Santa.
Well, if you will excuse me, I have a really terrible vacation that I have to get back to.
Oh, oh, and and my gift to the three of you is that neither Baird nor Flynn ever have to know anything about this.
Merry Christmas.
Come along, young man.
Excuse us.
Love your gloves.
(POWERS DOWN) All right, thank to Santa's act of generosity to his bro, the cheer-o-meter is full.
We can finally fly this puppy outta here.
No, thank you.
I have had enough sleigh riding for now.
Mum! You will not believe the night we've had! We saw a a ghost! Boo.
(ALL SCREAMING) Ah, guess we're good to go.
Mrs.
Jones, it was, well, not exactly a pleasure.
Hope to see you again soon.
My son has excellent taste in friends.
- Let's go.
- Oh, hey, uh, Stone? Do you mind, uh, taking the door as well? Well, Mum, looks like we've got one last sleigh ride to catch.
We do? Come on.
We've got a festival to fix.
We're going to give back every last present that was stolen.
Return gifts to every grandpa mother and child.
Because that's what this holiday is about.
(KIDS LAUGHING) Caring for one another.
- Loving one another.
- (SOBBING) But it's not just gifts we'll be returning.
We'll be giving them back joy.
That's why giving is always better than getting.
Whoo! Ho-ho-ho! What a rush.
You know, it's exciting giving things, isn't it? I mean, who knew? - Let's go get the next load.
- Oh, uh, Mum, that's that's it.
- What? - There's no more presents.
What? No.
No! But I could have given so much more.
Oh, love, I oh, my God.
I've lived such a greedy life, haven't I, Zekey? Oh, Zekey, I'm I'm sorry.
Mum, you adopted four cuckoo children who didn't have a place in the world.
You think all you taught us was greed? You gave us love.
You gave us a home.
You gave us a life.
That is what I learned from you.
Merry Christmas, son.
Merry Christmas, Mum.
I love you, son.
I love you too, Mum.
A little to the left.
A little more.
Perfect! (GLOBE ACTIVATING) Go, go, go, go, go! - You're back! - And not a minute too soon.
That is the last time I take your advice about needing a vacation.
Point well taken, I concur.
Last time I take my own advice.
Miss Cillian, Mr.
Stone, how very good to see you after all this time.
(WHISPERS) Merry Christmas.
BAIRD: So, how was everything here? - Quiet.
- (SIGHS) Wasn't this facing the other direction when we left? No.
No, sir.
I saw it was pointing in that direction.
- No, I thought 'cause - Oh, no, sir.
No, no, no.
I think you've had a little too much eggnog, muddled your memory a bit.
Point well taken, I concur.
You know, I thought it would be a good idea to take a vacation for the holidays.
- But as it turns out - Nothing beats being with family.
- Here, here.
- Who's up for more eggnog? Maybe put up some decorations in the main Library.
Perfect! And you can try on the sweaters that I made you.
- ALL: Sweaters? - Yes! - Come on! - (MUTTERING)