The Umbrella Academy (2019) s04e03 Episode Script

1
[KITSCHY SYNTH MUSIC PLAYING]
Good evening, everyone.
I'm Jessica Holmes.
And I'm Dan Tenenbaum.
We begin tonight with
a larger-than-life story
down on Kensington Wharf.
Action 9's very own Bailey
Stone is live with the story.
That's right, Jessica.
I'm here with two local crabbers
who appear to have caught
what may be the largest
squid ever recorded by man.
Can you walk our viewers
through exactly what happened?
Sure. Yeah.
We was, uh, out there. You
know, a a normal day.
We was trying to haul in some claws
when Rolfe here, he said that
he snagged something real big.
Real big, yeah.
Yeah, huge like.
Yeah, I thought it was a fucking whale.
So I says, "Go on! Reel 'er in!"
Yeah, and I'm reeling 'er in,
right, and I'm reeling and reeling.
Right. And then, next
thing you know, bang!
- Yeah.
- Look at that. A big-ass squid.
Real big. Yeah.
What was going through
your mind when you saw that?
Uh, great question. I was
actually I was hungry.
- On account it was lunchtime.
- Yeah, we was gonna have hot dogs.
Okay, now getting
back to the squid here.
[FLESHY PALPATIONS SQUELCHING]
Dan, Jessica, I don't know
what is happening right now.
Something is moving inside the squid.
I don't know if you guys are
getting this in the studio,
but there seems like there's a
I I mean, this is incredible,
but I think I see a face.
- Here.
- [STONE] Yes, yes.
Uh, they are cutting inside the
squid to find out what is in there.
[EERIE, CRYPTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Okay.
[FIGURE GRUNTING]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
What the fuck?
Can you tell us what happened?
The Cleanse.
As you can see, many questions remain.
What is the Cleanse?
Who is this little girl?
Where did she come from, and
where will she go from here?
[TENENBAUM] Thanks for
that report, Bailey.
Now, let's go to Liza King
in our Channel 9 chopper
[CRYPTIC MUSIC BUILDING]
[MUSIC TRAILS OFF]
Leave it to this clown car of a family
to botch a simple search and rescue.
For a second there, we had her.
Who were those weirdos
with the fanny packs?
Was it me, or did they
smell like wet sheep?
Goats, I thought.
- Mmm.
- Maybe llamas.
[DIEGO] Who cares?
And why did they call you Nancy?
Their names are Gene and Jean.
They run an underground
organization called the Keepers.
Sex cult?
No, not a sex cult
Once you get to the top,
it's always a sex cult.
Yeah. The man's got a point.
[FIVE] They're an extremist group
who believe they have memories
from an alternate timeline.
- Some of their memories are bang on.
- [FIVE] Yeah.
They're calling this phenomenon
the "Umbrella Effect."
Ugh. How is this even possible?
Well, you know, we're
still working on that.
What do they want with Jennifer?
Great. You don't know that either.
Hey, hey, hey.
Are you okay?
I'm absolutely fine, thanks to you.
Look. Are you mad at me
because I saved your life?
I was very clear, was I not?
No marigold.
I know, Klaus. What was I
supposed to do? Let you die?
I know. It's just three
whole years down the drain.
Three years clean and sober. But
this is what you wanted, right?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about this. Our
little parasitic relationship.
The eternal screwup and his holy savior.
As long as I'm around,
you don't have to look directly
at your empty pit of a life.
Wow! You know what? Maybe you
should take it down a notch.
No, I think I'll take
it up a notch, shall we?
I mean, dysfunction is, after all,
what we do best in this family.
[SQUAWKING] We got daddy
issues! Daddy issues!
Chaos junkie.
Mommy issues.
More daddy issues.
Obnoxious asshole issues.
Then you
you seem kind of weirdly
self-actualized, as far as I can tell.
Anyway, I'm just so done living,
cowering in your little
bubble of superiority.
So this is the thanks I
get for taking care of you
for the past five years?
- I think you've got that back-to-front.
- Oh!
Who took care of you
since Ray walked out?
None of these guys gave a shit.
Who took care of little Claire
while you bombed every
shitty audition in town?
So you think that I like having
a grown man living in my basement,
covering my entire house in bubble wrap?
You think I like
picking your sorry ass up
every time you hit rock bottom?
[HOARSELY] Bottom? Moi?
There's no bottom here,
missy. No bottom at all.
I'm the goddamn Mariana Trench!
- Wait till you see.
- You know what? Fine.
- Fine. Jump off the deep end.
- I will.
That is so clearly what you wanna do.
Have fun, and see if I give a shit!
Thank you.
Truly, thank you.
Finally, a grain of honesty.
It feels good. [INHALES
SHARPLY] Feels refreshing!
You wanted the old Klaus. You got him.
- [LUTHER] Come on.
- [VIKTOR] What are you doing?
- [DIEGO] Look out, Klaus!
- [HORN BLARING]
You know what? Actually,
while we're here,
does anybody else have some shit
they wanna get off their chest?
Because now's the time.
No?
No takers?
Good. I'm done being the
bad guy in this family.
Now that the show's over, what
are we going to do about Jennifer?
We need to find her.
We're not going anywhere in
this piece of shit. [SIGHS]
He said I was the best one, so
Just saying.
[QUIRKY NOTE PLAYS]
Careful.
[MECHANIC] Mm-hmm.
- Careful.
- Yeah, sure.
[SHRILL, DISTRESSING MUSIC BUILDING]
[LUTHER] Hey, Ben?
What? What do you want?
Uh, it's three o'clock.
Time to check in with
your parole officer.
Oh, right. I can't wait to catch
him up on what I've been up to.
Crossing state lines,
shooting up a whole town,
flipping a Volkswagen.
Good idea.
Moron.
All right.
[FIVE] I need a run on a
Chrysler LeBaron Town & Country,
'80, '81.
Brown, simulated woodgrain
sides, New Mexico plates.
Look for matches with
an owner first name Gene.
That is Golf-Echo-November-Echo.
Or Jean. That's
Juliet-Echo-Alpha-November.
[LUTHER] Know what's strange?
All those people back in New Grumpson.
They were wearing
Hargreeves-branded military gear.
Luther, the entire goddamn
place was a Hargreeves town.
[BEN] It's like it was designed
to keep Jennifer hostage.
What's so important about her anyway?
[ALLISON] Isn't it obvious?
She's one of us.
- No. No way.
- [FIVE] I mean, that would make sense.
Why else would Dad build
a Truman Show around her?
The guy played us, all right?
Nothing Jennifer said
jibed with Sy's story.
They're both gone now, so that
leaves us with two shitty options.
We either go after the
Keepers or, worse, talk to Dad.
[SARDONIC CHUCKLE]
[DIEGO] Come on, man.
Think we need to split up. Me and
Lila will follow up with the Keepers.
The rest of you go talk to Dad.
Uh-uh.
I'm going with you.
And I'm going after Jennifer.
It's better if we stick together.
No, it's not.
And this little field trip proved it.
You're awfully gung ho for a person
that didn't wanna go in the first place.
[BEN] You're all a bunch of
clowns. I'm going on my own.
Ben.
Don't you walk away from me.
And then there were six.
Look.
The reason that they call me Nancy is
I already know.
Know what?
[SIGHS]
I followed you.
The other night.
You what? What, so
you're spying on me now?
I saw you.
You were in the café with with him.
With who?
Don't play dumb.
The little Greek guy with the mustache.
[LAUGHING]
Is that funny to you?
Yeah, trust me. That
is absolutely hilarious.
Our kids are gonna grow up in a
broken home, and you're laughing.
Diego, the the little guy,
the little Greek guy,
is Five.
[CHEEKY MUSIC PLAYING]
Yeah. We've been undercover
investigating the Keepers.
You've been lying?
And you're working
undercover with the CIA?
This is why I didn't tell you.
You'd have some bizarre reaction.
I'm not having a bizarre reaction.
- You're acting like I had an affair.
- It's worse.
Okay, as much as I would love
to unpack whatever this is,
we have much more important
things to think about.
[BROODING MUSIC PLAYING]
It's because he's in the CIA, huh?
I'm just a dumb delivery driver.
No, Diego.
Then why?
Because I needed
something for myself, okay?
Something other than changing diapers
and wine moms and ballet class.
At least you get to get
outside the house every day.
I'm just trapped in this
unending suburban hellscape.
I mean, that's good to know.
That the life we built is so bad.
[INTROSPECTIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
That's not what I meant.
You think I like delivering
packages day in and day out?
Busting my ass?
Oh, trust me.
I'd rather be out there cracking skulls,
but, I mean, somebody's gotta show
up for this marriage, because
it sure as hell ain't you.
Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
Daddy shark! ♪
Grandma shark ♪
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
[LOW, OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[BEN BREATHING RAGGEDLY]
[OMINOUS MUSIC INTENSIFYING]
[JENNIFER] Help me!
Ben!
[MUSIC TRAILING OFF]
[TENSE, DISQUIETING MUSIC PLAYING]
[FOOTSTEPS CLAMBERING IN DISTANCE]
[ANIMALISTIC GRUNTING]
[UNEASY BEAT PULSING]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
[SHEEPISH BLEATING]
Knock, knock!
How about some fresh
clothes hot from the dryer?
Who Who are you?
I'm Dr. Jean, with a J.
And I'm Dr. Gene, with a G.
We'll let you decide which
is the dominant Jean
And which is recessive.
What the hell is going on?
Am I a prisoner?
- No!
- No, of course not. You're our guest.
We have been looking for
you for a very long time.
We have so many questions
about the Cleanse.
[JEAN CHUCKLES]
What are you talking about?
The Cle Uh
Oh.
I get it, I get it. It's okay.
You have just been through
a very traumatic experience.
That gang of miscreants, they
were trying to kidnap you.
No, no.
They They were Uh
They were
They were what, hon?
Well, thank goodness
we got you when we did.
Who knows what might've happened to you.
[GENE] Is there anyone
we can call for you?
Mom? Dad?
Maybe a friend?
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
[DISTRESSING MUSIC PLAYING]
They're all gone.
My whole life.
It was all a lie.
Am I just part of someone's sick joke?
It's okay, hon.
You're safe now.
No, uh, I gotta go.
[JARRING AUDIO DISTORTIONS]
[JEAN] Hush now, darling.
You just let Jean and
Gene take care of you, hmm?
[GENE] That's right.
[JEAN] Here. This will
make you feel better.
Go on.
[JEAN CHUCKLES]
Not bad, right?
[CHEEKY MUSIC PLAYING]
You know, not everybody
likes alpaca milk right away.
Notoriously hard to milk.
Small teats.
Just like
[GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY]
[MUSIC TRAILS OFF]
[DIEGO] So this is
book club, huh? Nancy?
[LILA] Oh, shut up, Diego.
[DIEGO] Oh Jesus!
You drive.
You sure? Wanda?
Yeah. I don't give a shit anymore.
She's pulling to the right a little bit.
And don't go over 40, or
the muffler's gonna fall off.
Got it.
[FIVE] Welcome to the Keepers
HQ, courtesy of Jean and Gene.
[SUBDUED, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[DIEGO] Jean and Gene
didn't give us much to go on.
[LILA] Stay focused for once, darling.
All the files are gone.
Yeah, it certainly looks that way.
While you two stand around twiddling
your dinks, I got recon to do.
[LILA] There's nothing here, Diego.
- Our targets left in a hurry, correct?
- [LILA] Yeah.
So?
So haste makes waste, mami.
- [FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
Out with it. Why can't you blink?
I can blink.
You know, I just
Won't.
You gotta get back on
that horse, kemosabe.
Don't!
Don't!
Whoa! Where are we?
[CRYPTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
A subway station.
I can see that, numbnuts,
but why did you blink us here?
Believe me, Lila, it was not on purpose.
Ever since Ben spiked us
with that janky marigold,
when I blink, this is where I end up.
[LILA CHUCKLES]
- Neat.
- [FIVE] Not really.
What's down here?
Oh!
[LAUGHS WRYLY]
Okay, not the MTA. Not the Tube.
Trust me, this is unlike
any subway you've been to.
Well, where do the trains go?
That's the weird part.
I took a westbound train.
I went one station over.
When I came up, it was the
exact same day, exact same time,
but a completely different timeline.
Now that's interesting.
Yeah.
A map.
That's helpful, innit?
If I could understand it.
I once navigated the Tokyo subway
with a bullet wound in
my thigh and on my period,
so how hard can it be?
Okay, so
North to south. This
connects around here.
- [SUBWAY PA CHIMES]
- Fuck me, this is confusing.
[WARPED VOICE SPEAKING
BACKWARDS OVER PA]
Eastbound. Shall we?
We should get back to Diego.
Boring. Come on. Let's take a ride.
I don't wanna be hopping on
trains until we understand this.
You need to move your ass!
[LILA LAUGHS]
[CRYPTIC MUSIC SWELLS, TRAILS OFF]
["MONEY (THAT'S WHAT I WANT)"
[BY BARRETT STRONG PLAYING]
[SWAGGERING ROCKABILLY MUSIC PLAYING]
Go away, go away! Stay outside!
But you can give them ♪
To the birds and bees ♪
- I need money ♪
- That's what I want ♪
- That's what I want ♪
- That's what I want ♪
That's what I want ♪
- That's what I want ♪
- That's what I want ♪
Oh, great.
Your love give me such a thrill ♪
But your love don't pay my bills ♪
- I need money ♪
- That's what I want ♪
- That's what I want ♪
- That's what I want ♪
That's what I want ♪
[SONG HALTS ABRUPTLY]
Uncle Klaus?
Claire Bear!
You're here!
Uh, what are you doing?
You know, this TV has
been on the fritz for a while.
Haven't you noticed?
I just thought I'd take
her down to the old geek lab
and let them work their magic.
Hey, careful! Careful of your feet!
Your feet on the glass.
Watch your feet on the glass.
That was an accident.
[ACHING, SORROWFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
And I'll pay you back.
Uncle Klaus,
whatever happened, why don't we
just sit down and talk about it?
I appreciate your input, Claire Bear,
and I'd be happy to discuss
it at a later date, but
However, your Uncle Klaus has
had a truly horrible day,
and he just can't
he just can't have this
conversation right now. I'm sorry.
Come on, Uncle Klaus.
Are things so bad a
drink won't make it worse?
[ACHING MUSIC CONTINUING]
[SIGHS WEARILY]
No, it's too late.
- [CLAIRE] No.
- It's too late.
No, it isn't.
Yeah, it is. I'm going.
Please, just talk to me for a minute?
Will you move, please?
- We could just get through this together
- Will you please just fucking move?
Now!
[KLAUS SNIVELING]
[RESIGNED WHISPERING] I already
told you that it's too late.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[SPRIGHTLY, WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Damn, it smells like ass.
Jesus!
Dr. Jean Thibedeau.
[SPRIGHTLY MUSIC CONTINUING]
[DARK, FOREBODING MUSIC BUILDING]
The Cleanse?
Come to papi.
[SUBWAY ALERT CHIMES]
[WARPED VOICE SPEAKING
BACKWARDS OVER PA]
[LILA] Come on.
Yucko.
[ENIGMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Gross.
[LILA] Dear diary,
why do I always wear suits?
Hmm.
What are you doing?
Leaving bread crumbs. It's
a broken vending machine.
Stain on the floor in
the shape of Australia.
- Three burnt-out light bulbs.
- Mmm. Poetic.
Yep.
Where do you reckon we end up?
My guess is back in Gene
and Jean's apartment.
- Same day, same time, different timeline.
- Different timeline. I knew it.
[FLAMES SMOLDERING]
[DELICATE, MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Shows what you know.
You must have jumped forward, ahead
of time, to the end of the world.
No, no, no. We haven't jumped anywhere.
We're not moving forwards
or backwards through time.
We're just going to
alternate versions of now.
This is Gene and Jean's apartment.
I've been here before.
This is my apocalypse.
Your apocalypse?
Yeah, the original timeline.
I was stuck here for 40 years.
This is the timeline where Viktor
blew up the moon and we didn't stop it.
Well, this is a very shitty timeline.
Hold on a second.
Binoculars?
What?
[AIRY FLATULENCE]
Did you just fart?
- [GUNSHOT]
- Get down!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GUNSHOT RICOCHETS]
- Who the hell is shooting at us?
- I am.
Okay. We need to get out of here. Go!
Wait for me!
[LILA YELPING]
I must improve my cardio.
[MUSIC SWELLS]
[MUSIC HALTS ABRUPTLY]
[FIVE] Shit.
[QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING]
The hell are you doing?
Did you find something, love?
Oh, I found something.
Something that's gonna
blow this case wide open.
Okay.
Let's see.
[ENIGMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Umbrella Academy.
That's impossible. There was
no Umbrella Academy in 2006.
Not in this timeline.
It must be one of Gene
and Jean's artifacts.
Keep reading.
[FIVE] October 14th, 2006.
Wait, what's so special
about October 14th, 2006?
The day Ben died.
Our Ben.
That's a coincidence.
Let me break it down for you.
A random dry cleaner
shows up out of the blue
and hires us to go to
New Grumpson, Maine,
to rescue a girl named Jennifer.
The whole town goes to shit,
we get T-boned,
and the girl gets kidnapped by
two vigilantes in a station wagon.
Now, in their trash,
we find a foreign document that has
something to do with Ben's death.
Hence
whatever is going on with Jennifer,
it's got something to do with Ben.
Ipso facto, mofos.
Bet you regret not sending
in that resume, huh?
- [FIVE SIGHS]
- The hell's the "Jennifer incident"?
That was a tragic accident.
[DARK, ENTRANCING SYNTH MUSIC PLAYING]
[SY] Hello, Benjamin.
[MUSIC HALTS]
Sy, where the hell have you been?
Where's my daughter? Did you find her?
Oh, we found her all right.
We got lit up by a bunch of friendly
townsfolk strapped with Uzis.
I said it was a dangerous job.
You also said she was your
daughter, which is total horseshit.
She has no idea who you are.
Why are you even here?
- So you talked to her?
- Yeah.
We totally hung out.
Nice girl, really.
So now you understand.
Understand what?
How special she is.
I mean, yeah, she seemed cool.
To be honest, I can't
stop thinking about her.
[EXHALES]
Where is she now?
Taken by two weirdos
with fanny packs.
Gene and Jean something.
Okay, listen to me very carefully.
This is an extremely
volatile situation, okay?
You can either believe me
or not. It doesn't matter.
Either way, she's in grave danger.
We need to get her back immediately.
- What do you think I'm doing here?
- Where are your siblings?
Forget about those losers.
I'm running point now.
[JENNIFER] Let me out of here!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- [BEN GROANS]
[PANTING] What is
What is happening to me?
It's her. She's calling out to you.
What? What are you talking about?
I told you.
She's special.
And you're special, too, Ben.
Just listen to your body.
She needs you, Ben. She
can't be out there on her own.
You've got to see this through.
You have everything you need
to find her within you.
Okay? Just close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Listen to your body.
Use your instincts.
[HARSH, OVERWHELMING
SYNTH MUSIC DRONING]
[HARSH AUDIO DISTORTIONS PULSING]
[MUSIC TRAILING OFF]
Everything all right, dear?
Yeah, it's nothing.
Come.
- We wanna show you something.
- Yeah.
[JEAN CHUCKLING]
Whoo! [GIGGLES]
What is all this stuff?
Proof.
Proof of what?
Proof that the world we live in
is one big, phony-baloney lie.
[JEAN] At first, it was
it was like a dream.
One of those dreams where you don't know
whether you're dreaming or not.
But then,
along came the artifacts.
Whoo! [GIGGLES]
Little tokens of proof,
slipping through time and space.
Proof of the many-worlds theory
of quantum mechanics and such.
Better believe they called us
every name under the
sun. Didn't they, Jean?
Frauds, tricksters, charlatans.
Accused us of intellectual dishonesty.
Who's "they"?
[WHISPERS] "Who's they"?
The faculty at Golden Mesa
Community College, for starters.
Our reputations were
dragged through the mud.
Tenure, revoked.
[JEAN] And all because
we dared to speak the truth
about these memories.
Memories of another timeline.
A timeline that felt so much more
More true.
Where I was teaching at Harvard,
and Gene was a MacArthur fellow.
Okay.
But, uh, what does all of
this have to do with me?
[LAUGHS WHEEZILY]
Jennifer.
You're the key.
The way to destroy all the false
timelines and restore the real one.
[JEAN] We're ready, sugar.
What do we need to do, huh?
How can we help you
bring about the Cleanse?
[TENSE, UNEASY MUSIC BUILDING]
You people are
You people are fucking crazy.
[JEAN] Mmm!
Language, darling.
Hey, help me! Somebody help me!
We were so nice to you.
Brought you into our home.
Gave you alpaca milk.
[JEAN] Maybe seeing an old
friend will help jog your memory.
[DRAMATIC MUSICAL FLOURISH]
I believe you two are
already acquainted.
[DISTRESSING SYNTH MUSIC PULSING]
[GASPS SHARPLY]
[JENNIFER WHIMPERS]
No.
[JEAN] Think about it, kiddo.
[GENE] Close 'er up, Rudy.
No, no, no! No!
[DOOR CLANGS SHUT]
Wait! Wait!
[PANICKED SPLUTTERING] Don't
leave me in here with it!
Let me out! Please! No! Let me out!
Let me out!
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
[LUTHER] Are we really doing this?
Yeah.
Yeah, we are.
Hold on.
You skipped the family
reunions. You barely call.
You never submit anything
to the family newsletter.
And yet, here you are,
first in line to see Dad?
What's with that?
I'm stuck, okay?
I'm I'm stuck in an endless
argument with him in my head.
And I feel like
like the only way I can move forward is
if I finally say my piece to him.
- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
Just a friendly reminder to the group
that the last time you
spoke your piece with Dad,
he murdered you.
I'm sure that won't happen again.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Right?
We probably won't even
make it past the front door.
[ALLISON] If civility doesn't work,
I'll just rumor their
brains all over the wall.
Let's go.
[SOMBER, SULLEN MUSIC PLAYING]
[GUARD OVER RADIO]
Three people approaching.
[GUARD 2] Copy. We gotta help.
May I help you?
Yeah, you can run inside and
tell Reggie that we're coming in
whether he likes it or not.
[UNEASY MUSIC BUILDING]
[MUSIC TRAILS OFF]
Of course, Ms. Hargreeves. Welcome.
We've been expecting you.
Luther. Viktor.
I'll escort you inside the
house. This way, please.
[QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING]
What the hell is going on here?
This better not be another
daddy-daughter ambush.
Did you tell him we were coming?
No.
I haven't talked to
the man in five years.
[DELICATE, MELANCHOLY VIOLIN
MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
[VIOLINIST SIGHS]
What a pleasure to
finally put faces to names.
You must be Allison.
I've heard so much about you.
You have?
Yes.
[SWEET, GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
And Luther my little space boy.
I finally get a chance
to properly thank you
for watching over me on the moon.
Oh!
It was nothing.
Dear Viktor.
I understand we share a
passion for the violin.
It's more of a love-hate
thing for me, but
[SIGHS]
Come.
Come sit.
[HALTINGLY] Okay.
Is, uh, Reggie home?
I'm sure he's puttering
around somewhere.
Let us get to know
each other a bit first.
Go ahead. Don't be shy. The
chef will be cross if you don't.
Tea?
["JUMP INTO THE FIRE"
BY HARRY NILSSON PLAYING]
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]
We can make each other happy ♪
Oh, we can make each other happy ♪
We can make each other happy ♪
We can make each other happy ♪
You can climb a mountain ♪
Well, I'll be damned.
[SONG TRAILS OFF]
Yo.
- Quinn.
- Klaus.
What a delightful surprise.
I thought you were dead, but
it turns out you can float.
You know, the whole death,
rebirth, death, rebirth, death
It's a vicious cycle. You look well.
The beard.
It's very robust.
Thank you.
You look like the same
degenerate, smackhead piece of shit
that owes me money.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
What was that? Like, five grand?
I don't really I don't
have much cash on me.
[CHUCKLING]
- Try 40.
- Forty?
No, mon frère. You've got
me confused with someone else.
- The vig's been running five years, Klaus.
- [GROANS]
[GRUNTS]
Hands Oh! [KLAUS MUMBLES]
The math is good.
Look, Quinn, you know,
we could stand here and debate
dollars and cents all day long,
but I think you and I both know
I don't have your money.
And even if you gave me the time,
I wouldn't get it.
So if you could find it in that
dark, black pagan heart of yours
to forgive the debt
How about I rip one of those pretty
eyes out of that head of yours
and wear it around my neck.
You could do that, I suppose.
Or you could save us both
the stress and the energy
and the headache and the
time and kill me right now.
[MENACING MUSIC PLAYING]
Where's that gun at?
Where are you keeping it?
Keep your hands to yourself, you weirdo.
- The back of the waist?
- Stop it!
[SUNGLASSES CLATTER]
[EXAGGERATED WHIMPERING]
You always were a sick puppy.
Ruff!
Not in the face, please.
Junkie piece of shit.
Jesus.
[JITTERY AUDIO DISTORTION WHOOSHING]
[GRUNTS, COUGHING]
Son of a bitch.
[MUSIC TRAILING OFF]
Must be quite cold in Canada.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, it can be.
The summers are quite pleasant.
And Luther, what about
you? What do you do?
Oh! Um
I'm a professional dancer.
[SWALLOWS SPIT-TAKE]
- A dancer?
- [LUTHER] Yeah.
How wonderful!
You've all done so well for yourselves.
No thanks to your father, I might add.
[REGINALD] I heard that.
My chief of security informs me
that the tiny hamlet
of New Grumpson, Maine,
is still smoldering in the wake
of your colossal ineptitude.
Reggie, darling, please.
Tell me everything I want to know
now or suffer the consequences.
You first.
- Hey, hey.
- Whoa!
Ah!
So it's true.
I suspected you couldn't have
done all that damage au naturel.
But how?
Reggie, enough.
Is this really how
you treat your guests?
Threats and interrogations?
Now, sit down,
and we'll have a conversation
like a civilized species.
Guess we know who wears the
monocle in this relationship.
Tea, darling?
No, thank you, darling.
If I may be so bold as to ask,
how did you regain your powers?
Why did you destroy the
town of New Grumpson?
And
what have you done with the girl?
Well, it's kind of a long story,
but it all started
when we were approached by Sy Grossman.
I'm unfamiliar with the name.
- Oh.
- [ALLISON] You know what, Reg?
I think the real question is
why you'd build an entire
town to hold a girl prisoner?
Her name is Jennifer.
And I wasn't holding her prisoner.
I was protecting her.
Protecting her from what?
From you, naturally.
[CHUCKLES MIRTHLESSLY]
So she is one of us.
I'm afraid not.
She's nothing like you.
In fact, she's your complete
opposite in every way imaginable.
And she has more power than
all of you put together.
- [DOOR OPENS]
- [GUARD] Hey!
[DOOR CLOSES]
We need to talk about Ben.
[JOLTING STINGER]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC SWELLS]
- [KEYS JANGLING]
- [METALLIC CRANKING]
[DOOR UNLOCKING]
[QUINN] That is quite the gift you have.
Well,
gift and a curse, really.
I think I've got an idea how
you're gonna pay off that debt.
Oh, come on. Don't keep me in suspense.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
- Asshole.
In Moldovan.
From Moldova.
And it's mostly redacted.
Great. So we can't read it or see it.
From what I can tell, this document
is from our original timeline.
It explains how Ben died.
It refers to it as the
"Jennifer incident."
We already know how Ben died.
Okay, then. Tell us.
Well, it was a tragic accident.
Ben, our Ben, died because
we failed as a team.
Nobody was responsible, and
And what?
Allison, how did Ben die?
It was a tragic accident.
- Ben died because we failed as a team.
- Failed as a team.
[ALLISON, DIEGO] Nobody was responsible,
yet we were all responsible.
[ALLISON, DIEGO, LUTHER] Ben
Hargreeves represented the best of us.
Ben was the Umbrella Academy.
What kind of sick party trick is this?
Okay, can any one of you
remember how Ben actually died?
[SUSPICIOUS MUSIC PULSING]
Anything?
I I wasn't there.
Well, neither was I,
but the rest of you were.
You think you'd remember something
about the death of your beloved brother,
but you don't.
- What the hell is going on here?
- Isn't it obvious?
Someone's been playing
putty with your hippocampus.
Messing with our memories.
As fascinating as this may be,
I assure you I haven't the foggiest
notion of what this is about.
You know something, old man.
You are speculating about the actions
of a completely different
version of myself
from a completely different timeline.
That said,
it does sound like something I might do.
Oh, here we go.
There may or may not have been
a certain clandestine project
with a certain clandestine
intelligence agency.
Human experiments on the mind.
I should have known.
Psychological warfare was
all the rage in the '60s,
but it was only a brief contract.
Immensely lucrative.
So you can erase memories?
With the human mind, anything
is possible, young man.
If you can erase them,
you can restore them?
- With the proper technology.
- Which you have?
Naturally.
It's in this building somewhere.
All right, old man,
you're gonna put 'em back,
each and every memory
to do with Ben's death.
Because if you erased
the Jennifer incident,
that means there was
something important enough
that you'd take the
time to get rid of it.
I will do no such thing!
We need to track down the
girl before it's too late.
Reggie, please.
Darling, this is messy work.
It could take hours, days.
Whatever chain of events
has been set in motion
is ultimately your handiwork.
Whatever timeline it
happened in, help them.
Please.
[STEELY, RESOLUTE MUSIC BUILDING]
[ALPACAS BLEATING]
[MENACING MUSIC PLAYING]
[BEN BREATHING SHAKILY]
[TENTACLES SQUELCHING, CHIRRING]
["GYPSYS, TRAMPS &
THIEVES" BY CHER PLAYING]
[DREAMY, ROLLICKING FOLK-ROCK PLAYING]
I was born in the wagon
of a travellin' show ♪
My mama used to dance
for the money they'd throw ♪
Papa would do whatever he could ♪
Preach a little gospel ♪
Sell a couple bottles of Doctor Good ♪
[WHIMSICAL, RHYTHMIC RINGING]
Gypsys, tramps and thieves ♪
We'd hear it from
the people of the town ♪
They'd call us Gypsies,
tramps and thieves ♪
But every night all the
men would come around ♪
And lay their money down ♪
Picked up a boy just south of Mobile ♪
Gave him a ride filled
him with a hot meal ♪
I was 16, he was 21 ♪
Rode with us to Memphis ♪
And Papa woulda shot him
if he knew what he'd done ♪
Gypsys, tramps and thieves ♪
- [GUNFIRE POPPING]
- [SOLDIERS SCREAMING]
[EXPLOSION BOOMING]
Gypsys, tramps and thieves ♪
But every night all the
men would come around ♪
And lay their money down ♪
What the hell?
I never had schoolin'
but he taught me well ♪
With his smooth Southern style ♪
Three months later
I'm a gal in trouble ♪
And I haven't seen him for a while ♪
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
[JEAN] What was that?
Nothing we can't handle.
No shit.
[DOOR FRAME STRAINING, CREAKING]
Her mama had to dance
for the money they'd throw ♪
Grandpa'd do whatever he could ♪
- [SOLDIER] I see 'em!
- Get down!
Gypsys, tramps and thieves ♪
We'd hear it from
the people of the town ♪
Gypsys, tramps and thieves ♪
But every night all the
men would come around ♪
And lay their money down ♪
[JENNIFER] Hurry up!
Shame.
They were real good workers too.
Yeah, but shooting them
would have ruined everything.
We did what we had to do.
We sure did, kitty cat.
[QUIRKY, FRISKY MUSIC PLAYING]
Might be time for a Chikkadoo.
I'll fetch the wagon.
[QUIRKY MUSIC TRAILS OFF]
Just lean back and relax, Luther.
Yeah, right.
Do we all have to do this? Can't
you just do it to one of us?
Fragments of your original memories
are still locked away in your minds.
They are all integral
pieces of a bigger puzzle.
I wanna be connected too.
But you weren't on the mission.
I wasn't on the team then, but I am now,
and I wanna know the
truth as much as you do.
Excellent. Please take a seat.
- How about you?
- Yeah, I think I'm going to spectate.
Ditto. No offense, but I'm not
letting you near my gray matter.
Very well. Perhaps you could help.
[SUSPENSEFUL, FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING]
Any last words before
Dad liquifies my brain?
I'm sorry I lied about book club.
Good.
You know, a husband and wife
shouldn't have any secrets, Lila.
That's a rule.
You're right.
No more secrets.
I think that we need a
break from each other.
- Time to reassess our marriage.
- [MUFFLED] What?
[INDIGNANT, MUFFLED YELLING]
[POWER HUMS]
[SYSTEM KLAXONS BLARING]
[LUTHER] Wait! Is this gonna hurt?
Indubitably.
[DRAMATIC, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[LUTHER] It was a tragic accident.
[HARGREEVES SIBLINGS] Ben died
because we failed as a team.
Nobody was responsible,
yet we were all responsible.
Ben Hargreeves
represented the best of us.
Ben was the Umbrella Academy.
[MUFFLED SCREAMING, STRAINING]
[MUSIC TRAILS OFF]
[RIVETING ROCK VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING]