Wynonna Earp (2016) s04e03 Episode Script

1
(Wynonna): Previously
on Wynonna Earp.
I am a fully grown half-angel.
- I am the guardian.
- I'm sworn to protect Waverly!
They're working on some
inter-dimensional gateway.
It's the 2005 chili cook-off
all over again.
I'm gonna be waiting for you
back in Purgatory.
Ahh!
I'm here, and we gotta
get back there!
Ahh!
No
Waverly.
- The town
- You've been gone 18 months,
three weeks, and four days.
All of you have.
(intense music)
(tense music)
Someone has been handing out
hemp neckties.
That's a clear fashion don't.
Who the hell? And why?
Frontier justice.
Retribution must not only
be paid,
it must be seen to be paid.
The old-timey version of
"pics or it didn't happen".
Something here is pretty off.
Shorty's.
We think better with a little
fire in our bellies.
(soft music)
(indistinct chattering)
Uh, Nedley and I were here,
after you followed Waverly
up the stairs.
We drank your tequila,
uh, but we did not macramé.
So unless this is just
a surprise makeover
by The Property Brothers
On occasion, I will put it on
in the middle of the afternoon,
if I have cleaning to do.
What is this menu?
"Gunfight At The Okra Corral."
What the hell
is a "Cock Holliday"?
It says
it is chicken bone broth.
- Is that not simply soup?
- Wynonna?
- (sighs)
- Chrissy Nedley.
Are you a sight for sore livers.
- How dare you?!
- (Man): Hey, whoa!
What the fig, Chrissy?!
- Wynonna.
- Ahh!
(grunting)
(guns clicking)
Let her go.
Alright, say your piece,
Chrissy.
Say your piece, Chrissy,
just say your piece.
If you wanna chat, I can chat.
I'm a good listener.
Wynonna Earp, I am placing you
under citizen's arrest.
For the murder of my father.
Randall Nedley.
(music intensifies)
It's just so good to be home.
'Cause I gave you
all I got to give ♪
I know that ain't
no way to live ♪
So I told that devil ♪
To take you back ♪
I told that devil ♪
To take you back ♪
I would never hurt Nedley!
As if we'd take the word
of an Earp!
Your dad did. He trusted me!
- Unhand her at once!
- Nedley can't be dead.
We demand proof.
He was last seen with Wynonna.
And that's when she disappeared
for a year and a half!
- What a coincidence!
- Your dad was helping me!
He was hurt,
but I left him safe
with Mercedes!
Wait. When did you say?
- We were gone mere days.
- You lie.
(Wynonna): No, no!
We've been waiting too long.
No!
(crowd shouting angrily)
- Doc!
- (screaming)
- Wynonna!
- (gunshots)
Put the rope down
and back away from the woman.
Sheriff.
- That's not the sheriff.
- Where's Nicole?
Miss Chrissy,
your dad lived his life
for the law.
What would he think
of your behavior now?
- You didn't know him.
- No.
But I do know this is not
the way we do things
in Purgatory.
(Man): We want justice!
Thank you.
(Woman): Yeah, this isn't right!
Just like the criminal vermin
we hung last Monday,
Miss Earp shall have
a trial first.
Get Waverly! Get Nicole!
I shall get everyone.
(Waverly humming)
- Sup?
- Whoa!
Valdez. Rachel Valdez.
Hi.
- I'm, uh
- Cold?
Yeah. Frozen.
I mean, I'm practically Elsa!
- I had no idea you were
- Kombucha?
Pardon?
- I make it myself.
- And after last night,
I bet you need some hydration.
- (giggling)
- Mmm.
Microbes.
So, you're staying here?
(bell ringing)
Batman in the microwave!
What? What is that?
- There's something in the trap.
- Which one?
- Behind the barn.
- What are we trapping?
(gun clicking)
Monsters.
Huh.
(intense music)
There's ten traps
on the homestead.
We gotta do a full
circuit check every two hours.
I thought that the curse
was broken.
Traps aren't for revenants.
There's all sorts of things
in the woods now.
And one of them,
this big ugly troll,
wants in here bad.
(Doc): Oh, tarnation!
Thank you for the exceptionally
tight welcome.
Rachel, Doc, Doc, Rachel.
Sup?
Don't move.
I am rather determined not to.
Ohh!
It is good to see you,
Sheriff Haught.
Yeah, well, these days,
it's just Nicole, or
"that crazy ginger bitch."
God, it's
I'm so, so glad you made it,
Henry.
(smooch)
Ugh!
You smell aggressively bad.
Yeah, we use skunk juice
to bait the traps.
Wynonna isn't marinating
in skunk juice
in one of these, is she?
- Wynonna is in jail.
- What?
They have framed her.
For the murder of Randy Nedley.
(intense music)
Who are you?
You can call me the Sheriff.
Okay, then you can call me
an Uber.
Ooh! Uh
Back away from the glass,
6-1-3-3.
Dude
There's a guy in there,
I'm not going in there.
Yeah, main cell's
chock-a-block.
But believe you me,
he's far from the worst of 'em.
Uh
Assless chap?
I want my phone call!
- I want my phone call!
- Sorry, I can't hear you.
I demand a phone call!
- Who are you?
- Casey. You?
Local nogoodnik, Wynonna Earp.
Ahh!
I thought I'd be safe in here!
Wow. Didn't even
have to steal your pudding cup
to establish who's boss. Nice.
From demons
and famous demon hunters.
Back up one sec.
Pretend I haven't been here
for, say, a year and a half,
and just explain to me.
Uh, since the town
was evacuated
- for the forest fires?
- Say, I remember that.
Oh, well,
the townspeople left,
but demons came.
You know when there's,
like, a bush party?
And nobody knows
who started it,
but everybody hears
about it somehow?
They all just started
showing up.
Everybody shows up for bush.
Yeah, the townspeople
were allowed to come back home,
and there was, like,
an ongoing demon rager,
centered around the woods.
- The stairs.
- I'm not, I'm not staring!
Also I'm only a half-demon!
So, you know,
please don't shoot!
Casey, don't be a weenie.
I don't even
have my gun anymore.
In here
Obviously, the Sheriff
would've taken it.
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
(sighing)
So the woods are full
of monsters.
Crawling with 'em.
These days, the only place
scarier than in here
is out there.
(birds squawking)
(brakes squealing)
(ominous music)
(metal clanging)
(screaming, monster growling)
(birds chirping)
I have a half-knitted scarf
I was making him for Christmas.
His waders
are still in the barn.
Yeah. I know, Waves.
It's tough to think
of a world without Randy Nedley.
- (kettle whistling)
- How can he just be gone?
It was months of chaos
after the evacuation ended.
People came back, yeah, but
to be blunt,
others just disappeared.
Kate?
I saw her on
one of the evacuation trains.
But beyond that
But Jeremy? And Robin?
Jeremy's getting by,
though I haven't heard
from him in months.
Robin
How could we have been
in that garden
for a year and a half?
- We were not.
- Time must be differentiated,
fluid in some manner.
Yeah, God,
it's such a mind-frog.
I mean, how old even am I?
(gasps)
I missed so many
Property Brothers!
I feel that.
At least if we'd have lived
the past 18 months,
it would be easier to
There was nothing easy
about those months. Not a thing.
No, I didn't mean it
like that.
Not like that at all.
There's no almond milk.
It's still hard
to get some things. Sorry.
Please don't say
you're sorry anymore, okay?
You don't need to be.
What you have done, Sheriff
Nicole
is nothing short of heroic.
In the face of all adversity,
you alone
kept the homestead safe.
I had Rachel.
And the Earp shotguns.
And Wynonna
still hasn't come home.
They have to let us see her.
Wynonna said she last left
Nedley with Mercedes.
- What is the news on her?
- It's not good.
There's a new demon bar
out on Horsehead Trail.
And though,
given the circumstances,
it is but a trifle
is there word of my Charlene?
Tell your mama ♪
Tell your pa ♪
Tell your daddy
what you never saw ♪
You can run out ♪
Woo-hoo!
Run out that door ♪
(engine revving)
(electronic music)
Vacation is over, assholes.
It is time for a Holliday.
The club is members only.
Well, here are my dues.
Salutations, Patrons of
The Glory Hole?
Is that really the name
of this latrine?
"Why should I obtain by force
that which I can obtain
by cheating?"
John Henry Holliday,
born 1851, Griffin, Georgia.
Amon.
I'm the proprietor
of this latrine.
You sure you wouldn't rather
cheat than force your way in?
Bring me Ms. Gardner.
Unless you fancy
kissing hardwood too.
Hmm, well
There were parts
of that scenario
which I found enticing.
Big fan, Mr. H.
It's a demon bar.
You think we're not thrilled
to welcome an undead legend?
Not the worst thing
I've been called.
(chuckles)
(electronic music)
(Woman): Welcome
to my Glory Hole.
(man cheering)
That's right, bonbons.
It's time for your nicest vice,
the mistress of the ruthless.
(applause)
Portia Control.
Do you want to go downtown ♪
See the city lights,
it's the red light district ♪
Do you want to go downtown ♪
(women cheering)
If they think
they're gonna lock up my sister
for the maybe murder
of my favorite Sheriff,
present company excepted,
of course.
Present company
not the Sheriff.
Yeah, and what the hell's
that about?!
Yeah. You haven't met
the "they" yet.
Nicole. I am gonna go to town
and I am gonna kick so much ass,
I might go up a shoe size.
God, I've missed you,
Waverly Earp.
Though how do I,
an adult woman,
own this many fuzzy garments?
It's only cause I organized it
by fabric.
I did faux fur, flirty florals,
feminine flannels
You saved it all.
(Rachel shouting in background)
So carefully.
Yeah, everything I could,
anyway.
(Rachel):
A little help here, please!
- (knocking on window)
- Geez. Hey, Rachel!
Not like that!
Honestly, it's like this girl
has never milked a skunk before.
You're saying all these words
like they make sense.
I gotta go save her
from herself.
Come back safe, okay? Again.
And with Wynonna this time.
(Rachel):
I just need your juice!
- (sighs)
- Okay.
(Wynonna sighs)
What are you in for?
I splatowed
one of my customers.
I thought she was a Medusa.
- 'Cause of how high you were?
- No, because she was a Medusa.
If Purgatory's such
a hellhole now, why stay?
Wait How'd you get around
the problem of the border?
What problem with the border?
Oh, did I not mention that?
(Wynonna sighs)
Okay
After all the demons
moth-to-a-flamed
the Ghost River Triangle,
some government dickpickle
set up, like,
a quarantine around the place.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
so, people can't get out now?
Demons can't. Reg peeps can.
Good.
Wait. Not criminals!
There's no way in Herojuana
they're lettin' you out.
This is a Russian doll
of suckage.
Inside an arbitrary border,
there's a hellmouth,
inside that's
a demon bush party,
inside that is a jail,
and inside that,
I'm at the mercy
of a Dukes of Hazzard reject
who wouldn't know justice
if it splatowed him
in his butter sculpture face.
(knocking)
Ms. Earp? You have a visitor.
Good.
Give me a heads up next time.
You were in the zone.
My client has the right
to a trial.
Your sister will get one.
That's the whole reason
I brought her in,
instead of letting the town
hang her.
I'm issuing a writ
of habeas corpus.
No!
These dickpickles are gonna have
to show us a body.
That is literally
what "habeas corpus" means.
You two wanna let me know
when you're done slap-fighting
'cause I've got
a hell of a backlog.
Oh, you've got a backlog?
Buddy, apparently I haven't
pooped in 18 months.
I have a backlog.
Motion to strike that
from the record.
Motion denied.
Nice of you to join us,
Magistrate.
- Mm-hmm.
- Magistrate?
The family member here
would like to register
a judicial complaint,
Your Honor.
Yeah, I don't do those.
I just like the part
where I'm all judgy.
It's regarding the Earp case.
That's her?
That?
Uh, "that" can hear you.
Um, we need to manage
this one carefully.
There was an incident downtown,
and
- people are watching.
- Ooh, fun.
Uh, can we not refer
to the attempted execution
of my client as "fun"?
Can I speak to you
for a moment privately?
In my office?
Cute outfit.
(door closing)
(whispering): Is this our plan?
Is this our entire plan?
No, of course not.
Wynonna, we're gonna prove
you didn't kill Nedley.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Doc's all over it.
(electronic music)
Do you wanna go downtown ♪
(crowd cheering)
Behave, bunnies.
Or don't.
What a dame.
Do you want another
Brandy Alexander?
I wish I could offer
you something different,
but my supply trucks
keep getting eaten by the woods.
And what with this county
technically dry these days
Doc!
What a relief it is
to see you.
And a let-down to smell you.
Well, careful now.
You will make
your bunnies jealous.
Theyjust love
when I serve them up
all that bloodsucker realness.
Who turned you? Was it Kate?
What? I'm not a vamp!
Realness means faking it.
God. Keep up!
Wait, so you are not
actually a demon?
I just let them think
that I am,
because it's safer that way.
What does that tell you
about what this town has become?
Please tell me
everyone's okay, Doc.
- Waverly is fine.
- Wynonna is in jail.
Frick. I was worried
about that.
What really happened
to Nedley?
When Wynonna left him with me,
I tried my best to Meredith Grey
that magnificent old bitch
back to health.
But eventually,
he did a runner on me.
Why?
He was oozing. And he smelled.
Like a teen boy's feet,
coated in blue cheese.
Worse than you!
You paint quite
a picture, Portia.
I tried my best.
But this place was getting real.
And after a few days, he just
he took off into the woods.
Where the monsters are.
You must come
and attest to that.
Doc, this isn't the world
that you all left.
We must produce Nedley,
either alive or dead,
we must find him.
I can tell you where
the people-eater is,
it's out at Grizzly Flats.
Maybe you'll find something
to show them.
Doc, they say it's claws
are like if Wolverine
impregnated a chainsaw.
Thank you, Mercedes.
- Oh!
- (laughing)
Can we try a jailbreak?
No! They've got a lot
of guys working for them,
- whatever they are.
- Yeah.
- What if they're all demons?
- Exactly,
and I don't have my
(distant laughing)
shiny thing that makes
with the peace.
- Shit.
- Ahem!
I have an announcement to make!
So!
(clearing throat)
(megaphone feedback)
You think that our jails
are too crowded,
and our courts are too slow?
Think there's nothing to do
in this lame-ass town?
Think we need a little bit
more junk in our trunks?
- Is she asking me?
- And as always,
we aim to please,
and we're here to fix
any problem
you guys think
you might have. So
lock up your daughters,
and lube up your saucepans!
All of our jailbirds
will be competing for one,
yes, one,
get-out-of-jail-free card.
- In the first ever
- What?
Randy Nedley Memorial
Chili Cook-off
For Freedom! Yay!
Is Is this real life?
- Might be for you.
- But I'm dead.
(jazzy piano music)
Hope you're ready to stumble!
'Cause this tummy
is starting to grumble!
(Woman): Woo!
(chuckling)
She is Grade A,
USDA certifiable.
Hey, just be glad
you weren't here
for the Tops-Off-Dance-Off
For Freedom!
Every month or so,
the Magistrate manages
to out-whackadoo herself.
- I don't get it.
- What's her endgame?
Ugh, classic bread
and circuses, brah.
Keep the populace fed
and entertained,
and you can get away
with all kinds of devilry.
Yup. Okay, your trash talk
is a little all over the place.
Hey, they set people free
after these contests.
I've seen it.
What if this is the only chance
for us to get out?
Wynonna!
Hi.
Haught.
Thanks for getting her home.
I only did it for me.
Yeah, like everything
you've ever done.
It's been a while.
A long while, apparently.
- How you holding up?
- Peachy.
Hey. I brought a few things
from home.
Is that against the rules?
Uh, I feel like the only rule
is don't tell the Empress
she's got no clothes.
Well, she's def
got no panties.
What? She jumped up on a desk.
I couldn't help it.
- Is she waxed?
- (airhorn blaring)
- Fudge!
- And that's the first toot
of the Randy Nedley Memorial
Chili Cook-off For Freedom!
With a lot more toots to follow.
Now, get cooking, left-swipes!
- Cook!
- Do I put the cheese in first?
- Probably, right?
- No
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Yup.
- Yup.
We're on it. We're on it.
(eerie music)
Ohh
Oh, sweet honey-lamb.
(monster growling)
(tense music)
Come closer, now.
It is time we met.
(growling)
(country music)
Woo! You want a t-shirt?!
You want a t-shirt?
And you get a t-shirt! Oh!
In the nads!
Now they're also XXL!
Probably better
not to be Sheriff
while she's got her hands
on that thing.
Imagine the lawsuits.
I never imagined
you giving up the star,
power-hungry fiend you are.
- I didn't give up.
- Cleo showed up,
reincorporated the town,
made herself magistrate,
- and elected her own Sheriff.
- So nobody stopped her?
- Who had time for politics?
- I had Rachel, and the homestead,
and people to look for.
And I did look. Hard.
- Where'd you look?
- Up Bunny Loblaw's
Don't come at me about it,
okay, Wynonna?
I know I let everybody down.
Nicole, I would never say
- Are you two chatting?
- I need those onions, stat!
Yes, chef! Coming.
Okay. Now,
for the pressed seitan.
What?! Who's President Satan?
- No. Seitan.
- As in vital wheat gluten.
It's the secret
to a hearty vegan chili.
We're making vegan chili?!
Baby, how's she supposed
to win anything
with vegan chili?!
(gasps)
Not today, seitan!
Afternoon, Ms. Haught.
Sheriff Clayborn.
Makes a change to see you
back in town.
I hope that means
there's no hard feelings.
About the election.
Well, I didn't have
as much time to campaign.
Or your other
rumored advantages.
Nice to afford
a break now, though.
I mean, that is,
if you feel the homestead
is safe with a
teenage girl on the case.
Good luck with the chili.
Aw, you have your little
worry wrinkle.
There are things, Waverly,
every night, in those traps.
The monster really wants inside.
You're worried about Rachel.
Why don't you go home?
You sure you don't mind?
No.
I'll give you 20 bucks
for half your bacon.
You don't have 20 bucks.
Wynonna!
(ominous music)
For Randy Nedley.
(gunshots, monster growling)
(growling)
Rachel?!
- Valdez?!
- Nicole! I'm okay!
Okay. You're okay?
Don't make it more painful
by mommying me.
What happened?
I'm out re-baiting trap seven,
by the poplars,
and you scared away the skunks
earlier, so I used kombucha.
What? It kills
all kinds of things,
you know,
like intestinal parasites, and
Ow, ow!
So I'm filling up the trap,
and it runs in,
you know, the big, crusty one.
But then, you know
that old-timey cowboy dude?
Daddy Blue Eyes?
- Doc?
- Yeah!
He's on the hill,
and he's yelling at it
to come get him instead.
- Did he kill it?
- No, but he shot it.
Okay. You are coming inside.
And that is my mommy voice.
(indistinct chattering)
- Oh, my God. It's edible.
- Try it!
You threw stolen beef
and a can of anchovies
into my vegan masterpiece!
Ahh!
Damn.
I'm gonna shove that thing
up her canned anchovies.
Criminal, take it.
And this.
Criminal chiliheads!
As you all know,
I excel at having opinions.
And I was going to decide
today's winner
all by my lonesome,
but a little voice in my head
was like,
don't be such a greedy
skank's toilet, Cleo!
- Cleo?
- Toilet?
So I asked the second
prettiest girl in all
of Purgatory
to come help me out.
So slap your bits together
for your Miss Kidney Bean:
Chrissy Nedley!
(crowd cheers and applauds)
(tense music)
Oh You weren't kidding.
She really does think
you killed her dad.
Yeah, I don't think
you're gonna win.
I'm gonna turn out the lights
in case it's attracted to them.
(monster roaring)
It's here.
(stomping)
(Doc): Nicole! Let me in!
Let me in!
(Rachel): It's Dr. Mustache,
we have to save him!
(Doc): I'm going out front!
It's gonna break the glass!
(Doc): Open up!
Nicole, you have
to let him in!
(stomping)
Nicole!
(monster roaring)
Nicole!
Wake up!
(pounding on door)
(monster roaring)
(Doc): Please!
That felt like it took forever.
- Yeah, I bet.
- Move!
(intense music)
(gunshot, monster roaring)
You carried a bottle
the whole time you were running?
- You are goals.
- No, he is not goals,
- he needs water.
- Or maybe he needs
(both): Don't say kombucha.
Thanks for distracting
the crusty booger beast.
- Right, Haught?
- Yeah. Thanks, Doc.
Do not let me set here
for more than ten minutes.
I am fixing to return
to the woods.
- For what?
- Complete the job.
- That is a host animal.
- For the little puffballs!
I saw it leaking
from the wound.
I believe it has slowed
a little.
Then it's time we strike back.
- It might be okay.
- (airhorn blaring)
- I'll never get used to that.
- So
Clearly some of you
didn't want it bad enough.
Seriously, four of those chilis
was just hot diarrhea
with beans.
- Certainly mine.
- Ew.
So, thank you for attending
the first Randall Nedley
Memorial Chili Cook-off.
If you leave off
the "For Freedom", so help me,
I will treat you to an actual
bowl of hot diarrhea.
For Freedom!
My father had a complicated
relationship with this cook-off.
If he were here today,
he would say
God, no one cares, Pissy,
who won?!
And today's winner
of our get out-of-jail-free card
goes to
Please, please,
please, please.
Wynonna Earp!
- What?
- (crowd whistling)
(squealing)
Winner, winner,
chili dinner! I win!
- Glad it was you, Cell-y!
- Listen, you can have the rest
- of my chili if you want.
- Ah, I'm good.
What?
Ah
- No way, right?
- Okay!
Bye!
Pound it. No? No?
(Waverly gags)
It tastes
like peppermint butt.
- Hey, hey!
- So why?
Unhand your Chili Queen!
That's why.
Where are those keys?
To my new car?
Wow, this contest
has everything!
Holt, or "Sheriff Clayborn,"
doesn't like it when I drive
department vehicles,
but he can have
a big old gag of my gavel.
Did you forget
the "freedom" part?
Yeah, not 'til you get
to the border.
- I'm not leaving town.
- Don't worry,
I can get you out.
- I know people.
- No, I mean, I won't.
Do you know
how many Purgatorians
would have murdered
for this prize?
(gasps)
Oh, weird
I just realized that that's
exactly what you did!
You acted like you knew
who I was.
When we first met.
But you're not a revenant.
And if you were really powerful,
you'd just kill me.
- (gasps)
- Yay!
Keys!
I wish I knew
what we were up against,
so we could prep a silver
bullet or a wooden stake.
- Sorry, Doc.
- Understood.
Okay, don't yell at me,
but
the creature did make
a Chewbacca howl
when it stepped in the puddle
of kombucha.
For the last time,
home brewed mold juice
will not defeat pure evil.
It smelled like pure evil.
When it was leaking?
Like blue cheese and boy feet.
Did you hear someone say that?
- It dealt it.
- I simply smelt it.
Look, I am not suggesting
we refrain from hunting it
Like hell I would.
but I looked into its eyes
and I remain unconvinced
it is our enemy.
This thing wants to take
Waverly's home,
and our ability
to think of anything else.
I found this in the trap.
Last year, when you guys were
Gone for too long.
At first I thought
it was irrelevant,
but then I figured it out.
It's a Hawaiian shirt, Doc.
It's It's Nedley's shirt.
That thing killed him,
and now we need to kill it.
The ballpuffers are parasites,
and they took over something.
Someone.
Someone that always comes back
to you, Nicole.
No.
What if the ogre
didn't eat Nedley?
- What if the ogre
- is Nedley?
(tense music)
People will find out
about the contest, about you
not keeping your word.
One, how are they gonna
find out?
And two, what does an Earp know
about keeping their word, huh?
That is priceless.
You are hilare.
So this is personal.
(grunting)
(Wynonna groaning)
No.
See this
This is hereditary,
daughter of Earps.
(Cleo laughing)
Besides, we have to keep
feeding something
to this monster,
whatever it is,
to keep it out of town.
See, Sheriff Holt and I?
We know what it takes
to get dirtyjobs done.
And if that dirtyjob
happens to be you?
Bonus.
- Now, scream.
- Argh!
(quietly): Eat my vegan seitan.
- (sighs)
- See, they lied.
You're not even fun.
(screaming)
Beastie boy!
Come and get it!
Where are you going?
Oh, to sit in my car.
Take a few pics!
Maybe buff my muff,
if the mood strikes.
You are so weird.
Previews are over.
Looks like the creature feature
is starting.
Get away from her,
skank toilet!
Ahh!
For the record, I don't
believe in skank shaming,
but you said it first.
Sis, you okay?
We need a knife or scissors.
I have teeth?
Ugh! She's got a weapon!
Friggin' skanks always do.
Wait, I gotta stop saying that.
Okay, stay there!
No, no, no!
(Cleo screaming)
(growling)
(whimpering)
(grunting)
(growling)
Waverly!
Waverly!
- Hold your fire!
- It's Nedley!
Doc, flank him on the back!
Waverly, find your position!
(tense music)
(engine starting)
(growling)
(soft, joyful music)
I used to take
on the world on my own ♪
Thought I was so strong ♪
As long as I'm here ♪
By your side ♪
Ten times as strong together ♪
We're amplified ♪
Idiots.
(laughing)
(growling)
And I'm here by your side ♪
(laughing)
Wynonna?
What did I do?
You survived, Nedley.
That's what you did.
You made it home.
Fuck yeah.
Nedley, I'm not coming
any closer
until you put this on.
There's been enough crime today.
(breathing heavily)
Hey.
- Nicole, what's going on?
- I
You were not in possession
of your own faculties.
Why do I taste skunk?
That may be me.
That's some intense, brother.
(soft music)
- Dad.
- Chrissy!
Oh, my God. Dad!
- (crying)
- Shh, shh.
They told me you were dead.
This stubborn mule? Not yet.
Where were you? What happened?
I really don't remember.
- Ah, might be for the best.
- Might be?
Look, um, we think
he'll be fine.
But just for fun, maybe keep him
away from small game.
Wynonna. I don't even
know what to say.
(Wynonna): I know.
It's just,
since the evacuation, I
this place
it got to me and I
Needed us and were hurt
when we weren't here?
- Yeah.
- It won't happen again.
Hey, you.
It's good to have you back.
Nicole.
You should get Chrissy
out of here.
While you still can.
You did the chili cook-off
without me?
- (laughing)
- Dad
(electronic music)
Here I thought all my flirting
was getting me nowhere.
There is more
where that came from.
That would get my slacks off
in a snap.
'Cause that would be
a challenge.
I paid for that truck,
and its contents,
and I'll be french-fried
if you're going to sell my own
property back to me.
Except I know where it is
and you do not.
But I suppose I could sell
said contents
to the human bar in town
Let's not get off
on the wrong foot.
I also suggest
that you acquire
protection for your next order
and that would be,
well, yours truly.
An experienced hand
with local knowledge,
who can then safely convey
said truck right to your
back door.
What would you require
in return?
Something to quench
that vampiric appetite?
When was the last time you fed?
My hunger
is none of your concern.
What I require
is something more tangible.
A future favor.
And two thousand a load.
- (chuckling)
- That's highway robbery.
- Precisely.
- And at a reasonable cost.
But I assure you,
I am the best.
Mm-hmm
(electronic music continues)
You smell like heaven.
I know.
If you could love
me completely ♪
If you could show me
a sign ♪
Having trouble remembering
where you like these lips.
You seem to be figuring
it out.
You know, the garden tried
to fool me.
With a fake you.
You didn't
No. Not even close.
But I would've known
in a second.
I know every curve
every sigh
every taste
(door closing)
Wynonna, her midnight snack,
and the pantry door.
She never met a thing
she couldn't slam.
Yeah. I guess I'd forgotten.
I love you, Nicole Haught.
And I can't wait for the rest
of our lives to unfold.
Can you tell me about
your year and a half?
I'm sorry,
I'm just distracted.
I gotta go check those traps.
Oh.
Yeah. Okay. Uh
Can I come with you?
Always.
(soft music)
- Expected date of return?
- Never.
My Dad's birthday is in August.
Might surprise him.
I have to get my supervisor.
(radio turns on)
(rock music plays)
(Man): You're cleared to go.
(whispering): They're back.
I'll move out to the barn,
now that everyone's back.
- Which is good.
- Take the bed.
You've earned it, kid.
Besides
I'm better in the cold.
Okay, Jon Snow in a B cup.
And I'm not a kid, Wynonna.
Why'd you leave Monument?
When you're a person
who's gone through some stuff,
and you see somebody else,
who's a good person,
also going through some stuff
How bad is Nicole?
She was alone
for a really long time.
Well, thanks for taking care
of my friend,
Rachel Valdez.
Thank you for noticing,
Wynonna Earp.
Oh, the Earp heir.
Listen. My bed, yeah.
My leather pants, no.
Pfft, please.
I wouldn't be seen wearing these
in front of the skunks I milk.
Your fringed leather jacket,
though
Don't push your luck,
Smalldez.
- Good night.
- Good night, Wynonna.
(sighing)
- (In British accent): Hello, chaps!
- Hands up.
Like I said:
so good to be home.