Corner Gas (2004) s04e04 Episode Script

Hey, Emma, sorry to hear about your friends Tom and Barb.
Tom and Barb died? Oh, man, and just after the divorce, too.
I was talking about the divorce.
Well, Barb said it was constant bickering that finally got to her.
They never bickered.
Tom always paid full price.
That's dickering.
I thought that was bickering.
Dickering.
You're bickering about dickering.
They never bickered.
A minute ago you didn't know what that was.
Typical.
Side with the dickerer.
Bickerer.
I'm waiting in the car.
On the other hand, divorce can be good for some couples.
Do you think they bickered as much as us? What, do you guys bicker? * You can tell me that your dog ran away * * Then tell me that it took three days * * I've heard every joke, I've heard every one you say * * You think there's not a lot goin' on * * Look closer, Baby, you're so wrong * * And that's why you can stay so long * * Where there's not a lot goin' on * Lacey.
Don't look now, but there's a teenager walkin' around in your kitchen.
Oh.
That's Pam, my job shadow.
Oh.
That's great.
Blink twice if you're in danger.
What do you mean shadow? Because she's shady? Does she know what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Men have hearts? You've blinked like 13 times.
I don't know what that means.
Hank, Pam is from the high school.
Sometimes career training early in life can really help people out in their adult years.
I concur.
Anyway, she's a big help.
It is not easy running your own business.
That's true.
I mean I manage, without resorting to child labour.
Excuse me.
The high school called me.
Why did you turn them down? I figured it would be more of a hassle than anything.
Plus they didn't ask him.
Plus they didn't ask me.
I'm sure it's because they realized I don't need any help.
Oh, Pump 2's broken, so I put my own "Out of Order" sign on it.
Figured you wouldn't get to it.
I concur.
It's perfectly good.
I can't believe you're givin' it away.
I'm not.
It's three bucks.
Holy rip off.
What else ya got? A driftwood soap dish for a buck.
Hm, cool.
Geez, you can't even tell it's made out of soap.
Hey, uh, how much is that? It's nothing if you just leave now.
Didn't ya talk to him enough when he was a kid? Come on, it's lunch.
Quit wastin' time.
I'll be right there Honey.
Honey? Geez, come in out of the sun.
It's makin' you say crazy things.
Well, we're always snapping at each other.
I'm trying to be nicer to him.
Well, that's admirable.
It's foolhardy and fraught with pitfalls and peril, but it's admirable.
I just don't want our marriage to become out of ord Oh, Hank wrote that.
Really? I'm impressed.
A lot of those letters are from the alphabet.
Why is Hank doing your signs? Just trying to help him reach his lack of potential.
Well, you should get a job shadow like Lacey's, help get your gas station in ord.
I don't know if it's worth it.
Maybe not.
Probably a waste of time.
Exactly.
I don't need that.
I meant for the kid.
Ouch.
Well, I didn't say I was going to be nicer to you.
I've got pots.
You don't have to bring your own.
I scored this at a garage sale.
Check it out.
It even comes with its own little stove.
Oh.
I think it's a fondue pot.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know what brand it is.
No, it's used for fondue.
What's a fondue? Melted sauce? Oh.
I thought it was French for somethin'.
It is, melted sauce, i.
e.
fondue.
Ooo, I eat fondue.
Not "I eat," "i.
e.
" it's Latin.
I thought you said it was French.
Fondue is French.
Did someone say fondue? Just about everyone has.
I didn't say it.
What? Fondue.
Okay, that's everybody.
I love fondue.
And apparently you can melt it.
Here.
What's this? A drink.
Oh, I get it.
You're mad 'cause I didn't get you a drink, so you got me one to stick it in my face.
Oh, just relax.
You seem a little tense.
Well, of course I'm tense.
Lurkin' behind me tellin' me to relax.
You know, I was thinking it might be fun to go for a walk this afternoon.
Sure.
Knock yourself out.
Uh, no, I meant together.
I don't know.
Let me think about it.
Where are you going? For a walk.
I need to think about it.
If you ever want to try fondue, I've got a great recipe.
But we need kirsch.
Who's Kirsch? It's brandy.
Brandy Kirsch? Do I know her? I've got Kirsch.
Why? Oh, it was one of those lame secret Santa gifts from last year.
I'm your Secret Santa.
Here's your gift.
Kirsch? Mm-hmm.
Geez, I'm not much of a brandy guy.
Here, you keep it.
Well, let's do this fondue thing with kirsch.
Someone say fondue? Did someone say kirsch? Hey, Davis.
Workin' hard or hardly workin'? That's just a little jokin' around.
Makes the customer feel at home.
It's a skill that I have, that you could maybe develop, with some practice.
What do you mean hardly workin'? That's mean.
Oh.
Um, uh, Davis, this is Kyle.
He's my job shadow from the high school.
I get it.
Teach a kid that if he doesn't work hard in school he could wind up workin' in a place like this.
Ah, it's not exactly the idea.
But the high school principal called.
What could I do? She used the word desperate.
That was the principal from the high school.
Oh, yeah? She said if she could find a kid desperate enough, she'd send one over.
She also said she was desperate for you to stop calling.
She said you sounded desperate.
Hey, Emma.
Just headin' over to Karen's for fondue.
You wanna come?Pass.
I'm going to spend a quiet afternoon at home with Oscar.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, that's okay.
I'm trying to be nicer to him.
Oh, good for you.
That's an uphill battle with very little chance of success.
But, uh, good for you.
Well, I didn't expect much either.
But he seems to be coming around.
Emma's losin' it.
Fluffing pillows, giving me drinks.
Heartless hag.
This morning she wanted to go for a walk.
Honest to God, a walk.
With you? That is weird.
What do you mean? Oh.
I get it.
You're sayin' someone wouldn't wanna walk with me.
That's funny.
Well, thanks.
But if you look deeper, you'll find it was insulting.
Ah, no harm done.
I'll try harder.
Another good one.
You had a fondue party, without me? No.
No.
Oh, this is a great party, Karen.
Yeah, I like fondue.
It tastes a lot like cheese.
No, Karen just made some for me, and for Lacey, and Fitzy, and this guy Ted I've never met before.
It was weird.
Normally I can get him out of Corner Gas in a few seconds.
But he just kept hangin' around.
Well, he is the owner.
Not Brent, Oscar.
Oh.
That would be hard to take.
Maybe I'm losing my edge.
Are you kidding? You are as caustic as ever.
Oh, you're just saying that.
I find you very abrasive.
Oh, shut up.
See? I wouldn't worry about it.
It's probably just because Emma's being nice to Oscar, so he's in a good mood and takin' it out on you.
It's not like it's a thing.
A thing? It better not be a thing.
It's not a thing.
There she is.
You should have seen Wanda this mornin', zingin' me like crazy.
I wasn't zinging.
I was attacking.
Mean, hurtful attacks.
I'm a jerk.
You're a firecracker.
Maybe it is a thing.
Okay? And that is how you stack wiper fluid.
The important thing is to not get intimidated by all the stuff that I know.
Hey, pay attention.
You're not gonna get ahead in life reading Report on Business.
Now, stacking motor oil, that's a whole other bag of snakes.
Your dad is officially nuts.
Well, it's good to make it official.
Oh, Wanda, this is Kyle.
He's my shadow.
Nope.
I've seen your shadow and it's bigger than that.
Wanda's a little late this morning.
And even though she's been late seven times this month, you can't sweat the details.
You're sweatin' somethin'.
Yeah! Scorch, pow! It's give and take.
You always want to let your employees voice their opinions no matter how immature they are.
Math class must be lookin' pretty good right now.
You're not kidding.
Oh, I saw Wanda today, at the gas station.
Oh.
I bet when you tell people that, they don't believe ya.
She's a good egg, uh? I guess so.
A real straight shooter.
Sure.
A crackerjack.
Do you have a crush on Wanda? Ah, typical.
I mention someone four times and you think I have a crush.
Oh, okay, I don't want to argue.
If I had a crush on her, I wouldn't be hangin' around here.
I'd be at the gas station.
Isn't she off work now? I don't know.
She gave me the slip.
Okay.
So it looks like you were only out $1.
25 today.
That's great.
I mean it's not perfect.
It's low, but it's still higher than zero.
Okay, thanks.
Man, you are a stickler for detail.
And I don't use the word stickler very often, or ever.
That was the first time, actually.
I am just trying to help Pam grow as a job shadow.
I feel the same way about Kurt.
Kyle.
Good kid.
You have no idea what he's doing, do you? I am very hands off.
I believe in giving people the tools they need, then let them soar.
I'm-I'm sorry.
I can't seem to find my wallet.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, thanks.
So was the fondue party fun? Did it get crazy? Were people feeding each other bread? Look, what happens at fondue, stays at fondue.
Hey, I'm good with that.
Look, I'm sorry we didn't call you.
So have you guys ever done a chocolate fondue? Because I think that could be real fun for the fondue group.
It's not a group.
I didn't-I didn't know there was chocolate fondue.
Oh, yeah.
There's chocolate, oil, broth, beer.
See, I think I could bring quite a lot to the group.
We're not a group.
If we do it again, we'll call you.
Great.
When do you think that'll be? I just don't know, man.
You-you can't force fondue.
It's one thing we all agreed on at Fondue Group.
I don't know about this Kyle kid.
Well, I like him.
I didn't have money for chips, so he just gave them to me for free.
This is what I mean.
The kid's got no work ethic.
He's a slacker.
There you go.
Thanks, Kyle.
You bet.
Kyle? I meant to tell you.
I've always been more into the food service industry.
So I thought job shadowing here would be a better fit.
Now I don't have a job shadow.
I'm job shadowless.
I'm like a job vampire.
I think I could be a good shadow.
That makes one of us.
I'll do it.
No, you stay.
You're the good one.
Sorry, no offence.
I'd like to do it.
Besides, she's a little high maintenance.
Oh, you mean like a stickler? Detail oriented.
All right.
Well, good, Pam.
Come on, let's get started.
Will there be stacking? I love to stack stuff.
I like the cut of your jib.
Well, there you go.
And I topped up the windshield wiper fluid.
Wow, that's great.
You know, Brent's never done that.
Never done what? Uh, never let his customers down.
Good job, Pam.
Oscar, your lunch is ready.
I made your favourite, bologna wraps.
Oscar? Oh, Oscar, um, Paul called, from the bar, and said that the next three people to show up wearing green caps get free beer all day.
Uh? Better hurry.
The bar's noisy.
This is great.
It's grate-ing.
So how's the new kid workin' out? Oh, to be honest, he's kinda lame.
No wonder Brent stuck me with him.
Hey.
Oh, boy.
I wish I'd stop doing that.
Uh, I made some soup.
Oh.
Well, that's-that's sweet.
But generally I make the soup around here.
I'm kinda known for it, so That's good.
And you made this? Yeah.
In my kitchen, job shadowing me.
So in a way, I-I made that soup.
I also do desserts.
You're not lame at all.
Who said I was lame? Not Lacey.
Okay, this has got to stop.
Whatever you're saying to Oscar, you have him wrapped around your little finger.
I'm what? Just because you have little fingers doesn't mean you should use them.
I did everything but tell him to get lost.
Then I told him to get lost, nine times.
Yeah.
We're always jokin' around like that.
What is this, some sort of midlife crisis? Midlife? What? Is he going to live to be 140? I know we're not always affectionate, but this isn't the answer, no matter how many signals you think Wanda's sending you.
Subtle signals, like get lost? I'm not blaming you, Wanda.
But I am warning you.
Stop cutting my grass.
Come on.
I made bologna wraps.
I wanna hear Wanda say "Get lost" again.
Now! Emma, I don't know what you're talking about, especially the cutting your grass part.
What are you doin'? I'm just, uh, droppin' this off for Emma.
You're havin' a fondue party, aren't ya? No.
No, she just wants to borrow it.
She's havin' some kinda special lunch.
A special lunch that involves fondue? Sounds like a fondue party to me.
No, she's no party, just Emma and Oscar.
I'll give you a lift if I can stay for the party.
If you want to shake my dad, just treat him badly.
That's what Mom does.
I have been.
I've been more Emma-y than Emma.
Emma-y? Emma-ish? Maybe that's the problem.
The more you're like Mrs.
Leroy, the more Oscar's drawn to you.
So I should be less Emma-ish, Emma-esque.
I should be the Anti-Emma, the Un-Emma.
Enema? Can I get a fill up? Oh, that's okay.
I'll wait for Pam.
There, I'm sittin'.
Are ya happy now? Yes.
And while I start dessert, you're gonna enjoy your romantic lunch Honey.
This isn't a fondue party.
I told you.
Let the fondue party begin.
We brought Kyle.
He's an expert.
A discovery we made while he was job shadowing me at The Ruby.
So in a way I'm really making the fondue.
Yeah, that's very sweet.
But I want this to be about me and Oscar.
So, where is Oscar, anyway? Dammit! So this isn't even the right make? It's the last time I let Brent sell me an air filter.
It's a mistake anyone well, someone could make.
I hope that was okay.
That was great, which is why I have to let you go.
I don't understand.
You've done a bang up job here.
Because of that, people will expect a higher level of service.
It's just settin' them up for disappointment.
I can't do that to my customers.
I kind of respect your commitment to mediocrity.
If I can just get you to sign your termination slip? Oh, you-you didn't fill it out right.
But it's okay, I'll do it.
Great.
If you need me, I'll be next door.
Hey.
Oh! Come on! I mean, listen, I'm sorry about earlier with Emma.
Oh, don't worry about her.
She's off her rocker.
Well, yeah.
But you don't deserve that, I mean someone as nice and as sweet as you.
What the hell are you talkin' about? I'm just saying you're a great guy.
In fact, I would like to buy you lunch.
I hear Kyle makes a heck of a soup.
You're as loopy as Emma.
I'm just sayin' that you and I should soup it up sometime.
You know what I mean? Soup, soup? I'm outta here.
And thus ends the creepiest chapter of my life.
Oh, Kyle, this chocolate fondue is amazing! Yeah, you can't even taste the cheese.
Where are the rest of the skewers? I guess there are only five.
If you don't want me to be a part of Fondue Group, say so.
No, we want you to stay.
Fondue is about bringing people together.
Okay.
I guess I can just borrow someone else's.
You can't borrow someone else's.
It's not practical.
It's not sanitary.
It's not fondue.
Oh, wait, I found an extra one.
Here you go, Davis.
* romantic music * What happened? Sorry, I'd like to tell ya, but what happens at fondue stays at fondue.
So, a fondue accident? Yeah.
Excuse me.
Are you Lacey Burrows? Yes.
Kyle is our son.
Oh, hi.
Nice to meet you.
Kyle has really come along, you know, under my guidance.
We know all about your guidance.
What? He was going to be a hockey player.
Oh.
Now he wants to be a chef.
But, Dad, I'm actually happy, for the first You, in the car.
And you, stay away from my son.
You're a bad person.
Good job mentoring.
Yeah, career killer.
What's the soup today? Cream of Shut Up.
Oh, that was a good one, Lacey.
Don't even start! Closed Captioning by Closed Captioning Services Inc.
* I don't know the same things you don't know * * I don't know I just don't know * * It's a great big place * full of nothin' but space * and it's my happy place * I don't know Yes you do * * You just won't admit it Want to have a gas online? Visit us at cornergas.
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