Devious Maids s04e04 Episode Script
Sweeping with the Enemy
1 Previously on "Devious Maids" - Oh, my God.
- Spence Westmore, you're under arrest.
I'm Shannon.
I'm Peri's sister.
You have to do something! You can't let that woman raise my son! Tucker, what's wrong? If his nanny was someone he already knew, that would keep him calm.
You'll have to go easy on her now that she's working here.
You okay with that? Keep your friends close.
And your enemies even closer.
I'm leaving you.
Evelyn, we were meant to be together.
Mrs.
Powell, the credit card we have for you has been - declined.
- Adrian.
Do you really think you're gonna win Mrs.
Powell back by by cutting off her money and making her miserable? Isn't it romantic? I'm taking you up on your offer.
My offer? I'm moving in.
The big fashion exec just bought this place.
She's gonna be gone for six months.
This really cute guy came over and assumed I owned the house, so I went with it.
Kyle, is that you? You didn't mention your mother was visiting.
Oh, she's not visiting.
She lives here.
I like her, too.
But not for you.
I have other plans for you, Kyle.
I think what you're doing is shameful, seeing that woman's husband.
Ex-husband.
I'm not breaking up with him.
This means war.
Uh, my scalp seems to be tingling.
Is that normal? To attack their hair? You've crossed a line.
I'm Daniela! Your cousin Josefina's daughter? I want to be a singer, just like you.
That girl's your daughter? My cousin Josefina She raised her as her own.
So, she doesn't even know she's adopted? It's the boys, the drugs.
You're crashing cars.
Well, it's none of your business what I do.
You're not my mom.
Yeah, Josefina? It's Carmen.
I think she needs you.
- I'll buy you a drink.
- I'm all yours.
[Both breathing heavily.]
Wow.
[Laughs.]
That was I know.
Can I ask you something? Oh, God.
You're not gonna ask me to marry you, right? Why would you think that? It's happened to me before.
Guys always propose after sex.
It's my curse.
Actually, I was gonna ask you, if it's okay with you, if we keep this casual.
Oh? I was in a relationship last year, and [chuckles.]
I am I'm not ready to go down that road again.
Good.
The last thing I need right now is another jealous boyfriend.
What, you got a lot of those, hmm? You see? You're jealous already.
- Come here.
- [Chuckles.]
[Cellphone vibrating.]
Oh! I need to get this.
Right now? Well, you don't have to stop.
Hello? Yeah, this is Danni.
[Gasps.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Hey, are those "Oh, my Gods" for me? [Giggles.]
Carmen? Carmen! There you are.
I have to talk to you.
Me too.
The most amazing thing happened.
I got into a singer showcase! What? Yes, someone dropped out at the last minute, so I'm going on tomorrow night.
Yes, but There's going to be agents and producers.
Okay, why aren't you more excited? Daniela, where have you been? Mami, what are you doing here? Your cousin Carmen called me.
I'm here to take you home.
Surprise! [Chuckles.]
Yes, and I'm going to keep hounding you until I convince you.
Great! Great.
See you Thursday, Cece.
Marisol.
I am grateful to stay here, but could you please keep it down? My doctor says it's best to wake naturally from a Merlot-and-Ambien sleep.
I'm sorry.
Is my having a job disturbing you? Exactly.
Thank you for understanding.
Well, business is slow, so I'm making cold calls, but I just landed a meeting with Cece Sheffield.
She owns that giant house on Roxbury no domestic help at all.
Speaking of domestic help, how do I place an order for breakfast around here? Place an order? Evelyn, this isn't the Four Seasons.
That's apparent from the low thread count of your sheets.
There's cereal in the kitchen.
At the club, they have a little man named Jean-Claude who makes the most amazing bespoke omelettes.
I don't have a little omelette man.
Well, perhaps you should stop worrying about Cece Sheffield and get some help for yourself.
Evelyn, why don't you just go out for breakfast? Believe me, I would if I could, but I can't exactly afford it.
Oh, wow.
I didn't realize things were that bad.
Yes, for all intents and purposes, Adrian has left me destitute.
Tell you what, breakfast is on me.
I want you to be happy.
Oh, God, how far I've fallen.
Just a short while ago, I was living in a lovely, albeit blown-up, mansion, and now And now what? Nothing, nothing.
You have a fine home.
It's cozy.
Has it always been teal? How long you planning on staying here? Not long.
Just a couple of days.
Or I suppose it could be several months, but that would be the worst-case scenario.
Yes.
Yes, it would.
You called my mother?! She was right to call me.
Drinking, sleeping around, crashing cars? You told her all that?! Ay, Virgen Santa.
It's good your father's dead.
It would kill him to know that you dropped out of college.
[Inhales sharply.]
Ow! You dropped out of college? I didn't know you were in college.
Start packing your things.
- We're leaving tomorrow night.
- But the showcase is tomorrow.
Ay, again with this singing nonsense.
Carmen's a singer.
She's not a singer.
She's a maid.
That's just temporary.
15 years is not temporary.
Who cares if she's still a maid? She's going after her dream.
But that's just it.
It's only a dream.
Her life is empty.
She doesn't have a man.
At the moment.
- She doesn't have money.
- Money isn't everything.
And her looks are starting to fade.
Okay, now you're talking crazy.
The point is, you wish you had made different choices in your life.
Don't you, Carmen? Right.
I-It's too late for me, Danni, but you Ugh! I can't believe this.
You think we were too hard on her? S-She really wants to sing in the showcase.
When you gave us Daniela, you promised to stay out of our life.
I'm her mother.
I get to decide, not you.
[Doorbell rings.]
Zoila.
Hi.
I saw your car and thought you might be back.
How was the trip? Fine.
Yeah.
You know? [Chuckles.]
Well, I missed you.
I've been hanging out with your mom, and she's great company, but I'm pretty sure you're a better kisser.
[Chuckles.]
Good.
Good.
Listen, I-I'm glad we can still be friends, even though things fizzled out.
Fizzled out? Yeah, I went away, and we didn't talk the whole time.
Oh, God.
I assumed we're on the same page.
Nope.
Different page, different book.
I'm sorry.
You're wonderful.
Well, what? I thought things were going really good.
It's just you know, circumstances and timing.
Whatnot.
Now you're just saying words.
Sorry.
I-I'm terrible at breakups.
Here.
A parting gift? A token of our time together.
It's a candle.
Smells like juniper berries.
[Laughs.]
Thank you, Kyle.
You just made it really easy to get over you.
Fabian, I can't thank you enough for squeezing me in at the last minute.
Oh, my God.
It's my plej.
Ah.
Look at your hair.
Drop-dead gorge.
It used to be drop-dead gorge, but I recently had a falling-out with my previous stylist.
Whoever did this to you is a criminal.
Seriously, they should be taken out and shot in the face.
What a sweet thing to say.
Anyway I'm in the market for a new look.
Makeovers always make me feel better.
And truth be told, I've been a bit depressed lately.
Unh-unh.
You are way too fab to be down in the dumps.
What's wrong? I recently lost my housekeeper, Zoila.
My condolences.
- Bless her little soul.
- Oh, she's not dead.
She just doesn't want to be friends anymore.
You were friends with your housekeeper? I know it sounds funny, but she's always been my closest confidante.
I miss having someone in the house to talk to.
Well, what about the new maid? Rosie? No, I'm afraid we don't have much in common.
Well, I'm sure you didn't have a lot in common with the old maid when you first met her.
That's true.
So get to know this Rosie chick.
I mean, you're so stylish, you live in this amazing mansh, and you're impossibly thin.
Who wouldn't want to be your friend? That's an excellent point.
See? Things are looking up already.
Now let's make this hair as ferocious as you are.
Oh! Not really sure why Shannon wanted me to trim the hedges.
The gardeners will be here tomorrow.
I think I know why.
Hey.
I been meaning to ask, any luck tracking down Spence's alibi, the stripper? No.
She's not returning my calls, and nobody's seen her.
If you need me to go down to the strip club, I'll do it.
Thanks, Jesse.
Way to take one for the team.
Anyway, I think she's gone for good.
Don't lose hope.
You'll find another way to help Spence.
The police should be looking at Peri's manager, Ben.
He's hiding something.
But why would Ben kill Peri? She made him a boatload of money.
He had nothing to gain.
So the question is, whose life is better with Peri dead? I'm home! Oh.
Jesse.
[Chuckles.]
You've been working so hard.
I want to give you a little bonus.
Buy yourself something pretty not a shirt.
[Laughs.]
Miss Shannon, you got a lot of stuff today.
So? Well, isn't Peri's money supposed to be for Tucker? Well, I needed some things proper attire for me to mourn the loss of my sister.
Hmm.
Like this? Zebra was Peri's favorite.
[Door opens, closes.]
Well, what do you think? The furniture.
The drapes! What happened? After breakfast, I took a stroll down to this little boutique on Rodeo and ta-da! I bought you a whole new living room and also new sheets.
Did you put all of this on my credit card? Well, I'll pay you back one day.
You said you wanted me to be happy, and changing all your furniture made me so happy.
I meant to treat yourself to a muffin, not a 19th-century Edwardian side chair upholstered in sable? Yeah, not that! I liked my old furniture.
Really? Yes.
All of this has to go back! Evelyn, it is time to accept reality.
You don't have any money.
That means you have to start fending for yourself.
That means get a job.
[Gasps.]
That is quite possibly the ugliest thing anyone has ever said to me.
Tough! Now give me back my credit card.
Evelyn.
Trust me, it's for your own good.
Rosie.
Good.
I've been wanting to talk to you about dinner tonight.
I left it in the refrigerator, Mrs.
Genevieve.
It's ready whenever you want.
You've misunderstood me, dear.
I'm inviting you to join me for dinner.
Oh.
Really? I'd like to get to know you better.
What's Rosie been up to lately? Still trying to get Spence out of prison.
Yes.
Right.
That.
Actually, I'm on my way out to see him now.
But surely you have time for dinner? I mean, Spence isn't going anywhere.
No, he's not, but I don't want to miss visiting hours.
Maybe we should have dinner tomorrow? Perfect.
I'll make all the arrangements.
You won't have to lift a finger.
- I don't mind.
- Nonsense.
That's what friends are for.
[Chuckles.]
Can I talk to you? What do you want to talk about, how you ruined my life? Or maybe skip that part and go right to you forgiving me.
Danni, I know you're mad about the showcase, but your mom is just looking out for you.
Mami doesn't understand me.
But out of all people, I thought you did.
I understand more than you know.
But I don't want you to live my life.
I want better for you.
It's all I ever wanted.
[Sighs.]
But now it's never gonna happen.
[Sighs.]
What if there was a way you could still sing in the showcase? You're gonna stand up to Mami for me? No.
God, no.
That woman scares the hell out of me.
Then how are you gonna change her mind? How else? We're going to lie our asses off.
Spence, how did Peri get along with Shannon? Did they ever fight? Yeah, yeah, of course they fought.
They were sisters.
I'm trying to figure out if Shannon could've killed Peri.
[Sighs.]
Shannon was always jealous.
She wanted to be an actress, too, but she was always living in Peri's shadow.
Did you ever see Shannon get violent? You know, I If I had all the answers, I wouldn't be in here.
What is the matter with you? I'm sorry.
It just [Sighs.]
This place is really getting to me.
I can't sleep.
There's this inmate who keeps watching me.
His name is "Kill Face.
" Kill Face? Why do they call him Kill Face? 'Cause he has the word "kill" tattooed on his face.
That sounds painful.
I must've wandered into his turf or something, and now he wants to shiv me or worse.
What could be worse? Rosie, come on.
I may be 50, but I am very, very handsome.
Oh.
And look at these guys.
I'm the Megan Fox of this prison.
[Sighs.]
Thanks for inviting me out.
I assume you heard about me and Kyle.
Yeah.
Did he give you the candle? Yes.
- What's up with that? - I don't know.
I told him it's bizarre to give a breakup gift.
He acted like we'd already broken up.
Well, i-it's just Kyle being Kyle.
I'm sorry.
He's your son.
I'm putting you in a terrible position.
Stop! You and I are friends.
At least I hope we still are.
And as your friend, I need to point out that there are lots of other fish in this room eligible fish.
Oh, I don't think I'm ready to go fishing the same day I got dumped.
And I know the perfect one.
Are you even listening to me? He's recently separated, highly entertaining, has a bajillion dollars and he's coming this way.
Just excuse me one [Sighs.]
Oh.
Ooh, I'm s I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna go this way.
Sorry.
A-Aah! Oh! Are you all right? Um I'm fine.
I'm fine.
[Sighs.]
Adrian Powell, have you ever met my dear friend Zoila? Actually No.
No? I would definitely remember meeting someone as enchanting as you.
Ooh, Marisol! Look at the ritzy new furniture! Yeah.
Don't get used to it.
It's all going back.
Well, I think it's much better.
I didn't like your ratty old stuff at all.
See, Marisol? These new pieces are a major step up.
Ha.
Sorry, is this a private maid meeting, or can anyone join in? No, it's fine.
Weird, but fine.
So what's the hot gossip in your world? Any maid sleeping with their owner? Their owner? [Gasps.]
Homeowner.
Was that not clear? So, Rosie, how is Spence holding up in prison? Yes.
Dish.
Spence says there's an inmate that wants to kill him or maybe kiss him, but probably kill.
You must be so worried.
Oh! Rosie, I feel for you.
Actually, I feel for all of you.
I don't know if you've heard, but I'm poor now, too, and being poor is horrible! Am I right, chicas? Evelyn, can you give me a hand in the kitchen? Absolutely.
Don't talk about me while I'm gone.
[Chuckles.]
Before they get back, I have to tell you a secret only Carmen knows.
You're pretending to be rich to your neighbors, you go to fancy parties, and you wear pantsuits.
What? I got a big mouth.
You should've known better.
Well, I went to a dinner last night, and Adrian Powell saw me.
[Gasps.]
I knew you were gonna get busted.
Nope.
He didn't recognize me.
Can you believe that? He's been to Genevieve's a thousand times, but I was just the maid, so I guess that racist little troll never even noticed me.
I was Spence's maid, and he noticed me.
Maybe you should try wearing more mascara.
And a little lip gloss wouldn't kill you.
[Laughs.]
I don't know why you asked me to help get coffee.
You have three perfectly good maids sitting in your living room.
Yes, you seem to be making yourself right at home with my friends.
Soon I'll be eating chimichangas and rolling my R's.
[Trilling tongue.]
Have you got a job yet? Marisol, I'm starting to suspect you want me out of your house.
I do.
Have I been too subtle? Look, I don't enjoy living in your little tenement, either, but I don't think a job is the answer.
Well, how do you know if you've never had one? Why don't you call my friend Andrea? She's a career counselor, and she can help you decide where to get started.
Thank you for the suggestion.
[Singsong voice.]
Not a suggestion.
Westmore.
Oh, hey, Kill Face.
That's not my name.
Really? Oh, I just assumed, you know, 'cause other people call you that, plus you got that tattoo, which is nice, by the way.
Say, you got great teeth.
Thanks.
What a terrifying compliment.
Nice and white.
Smile for me, Westmore.
Huh? Prisoners, separate.
Well, you heard the man.
See you later.
Yes.
You will.
[Cellphone beeps.]
Carmen, the showcase is in two hours.
What are we gonna do about Mami? Relax.
I'm taking her on a private bus tour, and I paid the driver to "run out of gas" so she'll miss the flight.
Y pracatá.
I'll get to do the showcase.
Yes.
[Both chuckle.]
Daniela.
Go get your suitcase.
We're going to the airport.
But the flight's not till tonight.
Yeah, Josefina.
I booked us a tour of movie star homes, and we're gonna go see George Clooney's house.
George Clooney? What do I care about George Clooney? What about Channing Tatum? - Who? - You know.
"Magic Mike.
" Try David Hasselhoff.
Really? David Hasselhoff? Oh, my God, I love him.
Is he on the tour? Mm-hmm.
And I heard the talking car lives with him, too.
You in? No.
I don't want us to get stuck in traffic.
Daniela, apurate.
The taxi will be here any minute.
Do something.
Josefina! Actually, the front door is over here.
- It is? - I know.
With all the construction going on, I get all confused, too.
After you.
This doesn't look like the - What are you doing?! - Plan "B.
" Quick, get the chair.
Carmen! The door won't open! Oh, my God, she's gonna kill us.
Do you want to go to the showcase or not? Mami, the door's stuck.
We're gonna go get some help.
Yeah, we're gonna be back really soon.
Daniela.
Carmen? Hey, Jesse.
Could you take Tucker to the park? He loves to feed the duckies.
Why don't you take him? Tucker wants you.
I think he really looks up to you.
You just want the house to yourself so you can snoop around before Shannon gets home.
That too.
Thanks, Jesse.
Let's go to the park! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! He just ate a bunch of sugar, so he's got lots of energy.
Have fun.
Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! That's some dress you're wearing.
[Shannon speaks indistinctly.]
Treated myself to a little shopping spree.
Well, maybe don't go overboard with the spending right now.
Oh, come on, Ben.
I'm just having a little fun.
Your sister just died.
It looks suspicious.
You're right.
You're always right.
I've been bad.
I guess I should be punished? Hmm.
Well, that can be arranged.
[Shannon moaning.]
I hope you don't mind my dropping by.
I just wanted to see how you're doing since Evelyn left.
Oh, I'm not worried about Evelyn.
She'll come back sooner or later.
But sooner better than later, right? For you, I mean.
Oh, she's staying with you.
Marisol, this is delightful.
Delightful? Why? She's hit rock bottom.
Tell me something.
Is she sleeping on a pull-out sofa? A blow-up mattress, a cot? Why does everyone think my place is so crappy? Point is, I'm winning.
It's not a game.
Evelyn is really suffering.
At least grant her access to her money.
Never.
That's my leverage.
You're just making her resent you.
Resentment, rage, despair It's all part of demolishing her spirit into a fine dust.
But I thought you wanted her back.
I do.
But first she needs to learn a little lesson.
So this never happens again.
Maybe instead of punishing her, you should be wondering why she left you in the first place.
Give her a kiss for me.
You're an ass.
Hello? [Door rattling.]
Hello? Is anybody out there? Who the hell are you? Esa bruja descarada me encerró aquà y se escapó con mi hija! Ahora voy a perder mi vuelo! La voy a matar! Oh, well, that explains it.
Yes! Yes! Do it! Ben! Yeah! [Moaning.]
[Laughs.]
[Sighs.]
[Chuckles.]
Oh, I really needed that.
Wow, you got a little carried away.
Are you sure nobody's home? Relax.
Tucker's still at the park with Rosie.
Oh, Rosie.
How's she working out? Great.
I mean, she's dumb as a doorknob, but the kid loves her.
And you're keeping an eye on her, right? She's not asking questions about Spence? She doesn't have a clue.
And she doesn't know anything about The Circle? You worry too much.
[Cellphone vibrating.]
Is that a phone? Maybe it was mine.
I got to get out of here anyway.
I'm late for a meeting.
Well, that's too bad.
I'm ready for round two.
Rosie, it's Genevieve again.
I thought we had dinner plans.
Where are you? Call me, please.
[Cellphone beeps.]
[Sighs.]
Play something happy.
No, that won't be necessary.
I've been stood up.
Who would stand up a beautiful woman like you? I know, it's shocking.
This whole dinner was for my maid.
I was trying to make her my friend.
Only now the funny thing is I feel lonelier than ever.
You know what you need? A man.
Yes, I do.
And I know just the one to call.
[Applause.]
[Slams table.]
Josefina.
You're You're here.
Ow! You tricked me.
You locked me in that horrible little room.
I'm sorry.
Danni begged me to let her sing, and I couldn't say no.
Look, we're here now, so just just let her perform.
After what you two did to me? Trust me.
I've done a ton of these showcases.
Nothing ever comes of them.
It's very discouraging.
You're trying to trick me again.
Unfortunately, I'm not.
She's gonna sing her heart out, and when nobody cares, she's gonna be on the next flight back home.
Just let her have her moment.
[Light applause.]
Hi.
My name is Daniela Mercado, and this is my first showcase, so here goes.
["La Paloma" plays.]
Cuando salà de la Habana ¡Válgame Dios! Nadie me ha visto salir Si no fuà yo Y una linda Guachinanga Allá voy yo Que se vino tras de mà Que sÃ, señor - What's wrong with you? - Nothing.
Si a tu ventana llega una paloma Trátala con cariño que es mi persona It was a shame you left the club in such a hurry the other day.
Sorry.
Migraine.
Came on quick.
Remember Adrian? I think you and he would be an excellent match.
[Groans.]
I think it's coming back.
What's wrong with Adrian? You don't even know him.
I know his type, and there is no way I would ever date Adrian Powell.
So sorry I'm late.
Blame it on the imbeciles in this city who can't make a left turn.
[Both laugh.]
Adrian, you've met my friend Zoila.
Yes.
But did I get the date wrong? I thought you and I were dining tonight.
Oh, rats.
I must've double booked.
Well, no worries.
You know, I'm suddenly not feeling well.
A migraine.
But why don't you two have dinner anyway? As great as that sounds, I came in the car with you, so Oh, well, Adrian will drive you home, and dinner's on me.
I feel just terrible about this.
Well, that had all of the subtlety of a Kardashian wedding.
If you want to call it a night, that is fine by me.
Nonsense.
As long as Frances is picking up the tab, we may as well enjoy it.
Excuse me.
Yes, could I get a glass of the '98 Lafitte Rothschild Bordeaux? Make it a bottle.
Let me ask you something, are you happy doing this job? We all have to work.
Do we, though? See, I'm supposed to be looking for a job, but I don't know the first thing about them.
What does someone in your position make? A million a year? Less? [Sighs.]
Your total is $6,836.
16.
Ooh, something must've been on sale.
Put it on this.
Great.
You're Marisol Suarez? SÃ! May I see your license, please? Okay, I'm not actually Marisol, but she's a dear friend.
She'd be fine if she knew I was using it.
"If she knew"? I'm gonna have to keep this card, ma'am.
You can't do that.
Give it to me.
Do not touch me.
Really? Or what? Not how I expected that to go.
It's been a long time since I've been on a first date.
I forgot how awkward it is to make small talk with a complete stranger.
[Coughing.]
Are you okay? I'm just having a hard time swallowing this.
Good evening, Carlos.
Could I trouble you for some oysters Rockefeller to start? Of course.
But I'm Santiago.
Oh.
Oh.
Honest mistake.
Don't do anything repulsive to my oysters.
What? You think all Latinos look alike.
No, I think Carlos and San Diego look alike.
Because they're both brown? No, because they're both waiters.
I'm not a racist.
I'm a classist.
That's just as bad.
God, what is it like to go through life thinking whole groups of people are below you? You can't even be bothered to remember something as simple as what they look like.
You know what you are? An idiot.
You remind me of my wife.
[Coughing.]
You seem to be choking a lot.
Perhaps you should have that checked.
I am nothing like Evelyn.
You know my wife? Only by reputation.
Excuse me, Santiago.
I'm sorry.
Can we speed this along and order, please? Thank you.
I'm Carlos.
That's Santiago.
It happens all the time.
Mrs.
Genevieve, I am so, so sorry.
It's fine.
Clearly my dinner invitation meant nothing to you.
That's not true.
I wanted to be here, but I got stuck under a bed.
And I couldn't leave because these two people came in and started having sex right on top of me.
You don't have to lie, Rosie.
If you didn't want to be my friend, you just had to say so.
Mrs.
Genevieve, I do want to be your friend very much.
Well, I'm sorry.
That position has already been filled.
Genevieve, come dance with me.
Who's that? Fabian, my hairdresser.
I prefer hair magician.
[Chuckles.]
He's fabulous, funny, fierce, ferocious, and officially my new best friend.
[Latin music plays.]
Sorry to postpone our meeting, Cece, but I have a friend who needed my help.
Yes, she is.
Very, very sick.
Thank you for understanding.
[Cellphone beeps.]
I am so sorry, Marisol.
I know this is a terrible inconvenience.
Well, I suppose Cece Sheffield and her very lucrative account will have to wait.
Let's just get you out of here.
Says you only had $2.
07 on you at the time of your arrest.
That correct? Shut up.
I am so humiliated.
I'm penniless, barefoot, and I just befriended a prostitute who undoubtedly has more money than me.
Stay strong, Coco.
This will all turn out okay.
No! Adrian was right.
He said my life would be terrible without him, and it is.
I have to go back.
Absolutely not.
I won't allow you to go back to that man.
You deserve better.
Trust me.
We will figure something out.
You'll take care of me now? We will figure something out.
Hey! How was your showcase? Oh.
Not that I'm complaining, but what are you doing? This is how I say goodbye.
Goodbye? I'm going back to San Juan tomorrow.
Whoa, what's going on? Did your showcase go badly? No, I was amazing.
But nobody cared.
No agents or producers.
My mom is right.
It's just never gonna happen for me.
Wait.
Wait, so that's it? You're going home? It's what she wants.
Danni, you're an adult.
Who cares what your mom wants? Okay, you obviously don't have a bossy Latina mother.
Yeah, but I know that if you really want something, you can't just bail at the first setback.
What does it matter to you? I know we agreed to keep things casual, but the truth is I don't want you to go.
Hmm.
Maybe I will stay.
Great.
But we can still have the goodbye sex, right? - Oh, yeah.
- Okay.
Kill Face.
Oh, God.
You're here.
Listen, whatever I did, I'm sorry.
Shh! I'm not supposed to be in here after lights out.
But I need you.
No, no, you don't need me.
Oh.
Ju We can Wait, what's this? My script.
Me and the other guys are putting on a play.
You're gonna be the lead.
You want me to act? Weren't you Dr.
Lance on "Love Affairs"? I freakin' loved that show.
Oh, God.
You're a fan.
We all are.
You're kind of a big deal.
It's not every day we get a celebrity murderer in here.
Alleged celebrity murderer.
Yeah, and I allegedly stabbed that cop in the eye.
[Laughs.]
You know, you really didn't have to walk me to the door.
Well, despite what you might hear about me, I'm a gentleman.
Anyway I would like to do this again.
You're kidding, right? You're doing nothing to hide your revulsion towards me, but there is nothing in the world I enjoy so much as a challenge.
[Grunts.]
I knew those two would hit it off.
Yeah.
Everyone's living happily ever after.
So, Cece.
What do I need to do to get one of my maids into your beautiful home? Honestly, I don't much like having strangers in my house.
Yes, but these maids aren't strangers.
They're more like friends with feather dusters.
No offense, but I'm just not a maid person.
I only took this meeting to get you to stop calling.
Hello, Cece.
Evelyn, what are you doing here? Oh, I'm friends with Marisol.
Now, when is the last time we saw each other? Your God-awful holiday party? But look at you.
Taking the bull by the horns and rectifying the problem.
Problem? Was there a problem? Evelyn, maybe you could give us Your house was downright filthy.
The powder room ran out of toilet paper, and the guests were playing tic-tac-toe in the dust on your piano.
Marisol, you're sending me six candidates this afternoon, yes? Absolutely.
See you at the club.
[Laughs.]
It never occurred to me to insult the client to get their business.
Sometimes the only way to motivate the wealthy is to embarrass them.
So you did that intentionally? I just wanted to repay you for all I've put you through lately.
Evelyn, I may regret this, but how'd you like to come and work for me? Josefina.
Esperate.
I'm re-booking our flight home.
I think you should let Danni stay.
I thought you wanted her out of your hair.
That was before I heard her sing.
She's She's really talented.
You're talented.
She's better than me.
Ugh.
And it nearly killed me to say that, so you know it's true.
Carmen.
If you think I'm gonna let Daniela stay, you're crazier than I thought.
Okay, I know you don't understand, but Danni's an artist.
She's never gonna be the person you want her to be.
So, now you're an expert on Daniela? After knowing her, what, a month? - Josefina - No.
Where were you when she was sick with the chicken pox or had her heart broken by a boy? Exactly.
So you don't get to decide what Daniela does.
You gave up that right years ago.
Maybe, but you keep acting like I'm nobody to her, and that's not true, 'cause I'm Don't you dare say it! I'm her mother! Me! And I gave birth to her! What? - Oh, my God.
- Danni.
Stay away from me, both of you! Danni, please, please, don't Danni.
[Door slams.]
You know, I wasn't sure at first, but I really think this pink makes my toes pop.
[Laughs.]
Fabian, I'm having such a good time with you.
You have brought a bit of sunshine back into my life, and right when I need it most.
You know, you should meet some of my friends.
I think you'd really like them.
Are they all as much fun as you? Sort of.
[Chuckles.]
We're all a part of this group where we get together and discuss things.
Like a book club? Something like that.
You should read this.
It's going to change your life.
"Joynetics: Completing The Circle".
The Circle? That's what Shannon and Ben were talking about.
Do you know what it is? No, I don't.
Did Peri ever talk about The Circle? [Sighs.]
Is it 100 degrees in here? What's wrong? You said everything was better with Kill Face.
It is.
Then why are you still so nervous and and sweaty? [Wheezes.]
Spence? Hey.
I can't breathe.
Spence.
Spence! Help! Help! Somebody help him! Help!
- Spence Westmore, you're under arrest.
I'm Shannon.
I'm Peri's sister.
You have to do something! You can't let that woman raise my son! Tucker, what's wrong? If his nanny was someone he already knew, that would keep him calm.
You'll have to go easy on her now that she's working here.
You okay with that? Keep your friends close.
And your enemies even closer.
I'm leaving you.
Evelyn, we were meant to be together.
Mrs.
Powell, the credit card we have for you has been - declined.
- Adrian.
Do you really think you're gonna win Mrs.
Powell back by by cutting off her money and making her miserable? Isn't it romantic? I'm taking you up on your offer.
My offer? I'm moving in.
The big fashion exec just bought this place.
She's gonna be gone for six months.
This really cute guy came over and assumed I owned the house, so I went with it.
Kyle, is that you? You didn't mention your mother was visiting.
Oh, she's not visiting.
She lives here.
I like her, too.
But not for you.
I have other plans for you, Kyle.
I think what you're doing is shameful, seeing that woman's husband.
Ex-husband.
I'm not breaking up with him.
This means war.
Uh, my scalp seems to be tingling.
Is that normal? To attack their hair? You've crossed a line.
I'm Daniela! Your cousin Josefina's daughter? I want to be a singer, just like you.
That girl's your daughter? My cousin Josefina She raised her as her own.
So, she doesn't even know she's adopted? It's the boys, the drugs.
You're crashing cars.
Well, it's none of your business what I do.
You're not my mom.
Yeah, Josefina? It's Carmen.
I think she needs you.
- I'll buy you a drink.
- I'm all yours.
[Both breathing heavily.]
Wow.
[Laughs.]
That was I know.
Can I ask you something? Oh, God.
You're not gonna ask me to marry you, right? Why would you think that? It's happened to me before.
Guys always propose after sex.
It's my curse.
Actually, I was gonna ask you, if it's okay with you, if we keep this casual.
Oh? I was in a relationship last year, and [chuckles.]
I am I'm not ready to go down that road again.
Good.
The last thing I need right now is another jealous boyfriend.
What, you got a lot of those, hmm? You see? You're jealous already.
- Come here.
- [Chuckles.]
[Cellphone vibrating.]
Oh! I need to get this.
Right now? Well, you don't have to stop.
Hello? Yeah, this is Danni.
[Gasps.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Hey, are those "Oh, my Gods" for me? [Giggles.]
Carmen? Carmen! There you are.
I have to talk to you.
Me too.
The most amazing thing happened.
I got into a singer showcase! What? Yes, someone dropped out at the last minute, so I'm going on tomorrow night.
Yes, but There's going to be agents and producers.
Okay, why aren't you more excited? Daniela, where have you been? Mami, what are you doing here? Your cousin Carmen called me.
I'm here to take you home.
Surprise! [Chuckles.]
Yes, and I'm going to keep hounding you until I convince you.
Great! Great.
See you Thursday, Cece.
Marisol.
I am grateful to stay here, but could you please keep it down? My doctor says it's best to wake naturally from a Merlot-and-Ambien sleep.
I'm sorry.
Is my having a job disturbing you? Exactly.
Thank you for understanding.
Well, business is slow, so I'm making cold calls, but I just landed a meeting with Cece Sheffield.
She owns that giant house on Roxbury no domestic help at all.
Speaking of domestic help, how do I place an order for breakfast around here? Place an order? Evelyn, this isn't the Four Seasons.
That's apparent from the low thread count of your sheets.
There's cereal in the kitchen.
At the club, they have a little man named Jean-Claude who makes the most amazing bespoke omelettes.
I don't have a little omelette man.
Well, perhaps you should stop worrying about Cece Sheffield and get some help for yourself.
Evelyn, why don't you just go out for breakfast? Believe me, I would if I could, but I can't exactly afford it.
Oh, wow.
I didn't realize things were that bad.
Yes, for all intents and purposes, Adrian has left me destitute.
Tell you what, breakfast is on me.
I want you to be happy.
Oh, God, how far I've fallen.
Just a short while ago, I was living in a lovely, albeit blown-up, mansion, and now And now what? Nothing, nothing.
You have a fine home.
It's cozy.
Has it always been teal? How long you planning on staying here? Not long.
Just a couple of days.
Or I suppose it could be several months, but that would be the worst-case scenario.
Yes.
Yes, it would.
You called my mother?! She was right to call me.
Drinking, sleeping around, crashing cars? You told her all that?! Ay, Virgen Santa.
It's good your father's dead.
It would kill him to know that you dropped out of college.
[Inhales sharply.]
Ow! You dropped out of college? I didn't know you were in college.
Start packing your things.
- We're leaving tomorrow night.
- But the showcase is tomorrow.
Ay, again with this singing nonsense.
Carmen's a singer.
She's not a singer.
She's a maid.
That's just temporary.
15 years is not temporary.
Who cares if she's still a maid? She's going after her dream.
But that's just it.
It's only a dream.
Her life is empty.
She doesn't have a man.
At the moment.
- She doesn't have money.
- Money isn't everything.
And her looks are starting to fade.
Okay, now you're talking crazy.
The point is, you wish you had made different choices in your life.
Don't you, Carmen? Right.
I-It's too late for me, Danni, but you Ugh! I can't believe this.
You think we were too hard on her? S-She really wants to sing in the showcase.
When you gave us Daniela, you promised to stay out of our life.
I'm her mother.
I get to decide, not you.
[Doorbell rings.]
Zoila.
Hi.
I saw your car and thought you might be back.
How was the trip? Fine.
Yeah.
You know? [Chuckles.]
Well, I missed you.
I've been hanging out with your mom, and she's great company, but I'm pretty sure you're a better kisser.
[Chuckles.]
Good.
Good.
Listen, I-I'm glad we can still be friends, even though things fizzled out.
Fizzled out? Yeah, I went away, and we didn't talk the whole time.
Oh, God.
I assumed we're on the same page.
Nope.
Different page, different book.
I'm sorry.
You're wonderful.
Well, what? I thought things were going really good.
It's just you know, circumstances and timing.
Whatnot.
Now you're just saying words.
Sorry.
I-I'm terrible at breakups.
Here.
A parting gift? A token of our time together.
It's a candle.
Smells like juniper berries.
[Laughs.]
Thank you, Kyle.
You just made it really easy to get over you.
Fabian, I can't thank you enough for squeezing me in at the last minute.
Oh, my God.
It's my plej.
Ah.
Look at your hair.
Drop-dead gorge.
It used to be drop-dead gorge, but I recently had a falling-out with my previous stylist.
Whoever did this to you is a criminal.
Seriously, they should be taken out and shot in the face.
What a sweet thing to say.
Anyway I'm in the market for a new look.
Makeovers always make me feel better.
And truth be told, I've been a bit depressed lately.
Unh-unh.
You are way too fab to be down in the dumps.
What's wrong? I recently lost my housekeeper, Zoila.
My condolences.
- Bless her little soul.
- Oh, she's not dead.
She just doesn't want to be friends anymore.
You were friends with your housekeeper? I know it sounds funny, but she's always been my closest confidante.
I miss having someone in the house to talk to.
Well, what about the new maid? Rosie? No, I'm afraid we don't have much in common.
Well, I'm sure you didn't have a lot in common with the old maid when you first met her.
That's true.
So get to know this Rosie chick.
I mean, you're so stylish, you live in this amazing mansh, and you're impossibly thin.
Who wouldn't want to be your friend? That's an excellent point.
See? Things are looking up already.
Now let's make this hair as ferocious as you are.
Oh! Not really sure why Shannon wanted me to trim the hedges.
The gardeners will be here tomorrow.
I think I know why.
Hey.
I been meaning to ask, any luck tracking down Spence's alibi, the stripper? No.
She's not returning my calls, and nobody's seen her.
If you need me to go down to the strip club, I'll do it.
Thanks, Jesse.
Way to take one for the team.
Anyway, I think she's gone for good.
Don't lose hope.
You'll find another way to help Spence.
The police should be looking at Peri's manager, Ben.
He's hiding something.
But why would Ben kill Peri? She made him a boatload of money.
He had nothing to gain.
So the question is, whose life is better with Peri dead? I'm home! Oh.
Jesse.
[Chuckles.]
You've been working so hard.
I want to give you a little bonus.
Buy yourself something pretty not a shirt.
[Laughs.]
Miss Shannon, you got a lot of stuff today.
So? Well, isn't Peri's money supposed to be for Tucker? Well, I needed some things proper attire for me to mourn the loss of my sister.
Hmm.
Like this? Zebra was Peri's favorite.
[Door opens, closes.]
Well, what do you think? The furniture.
The drapes! What happened? After breakfast, I took a stroll down to this little boutique on Rodeo and ta-da! I bought you a whole new living room and also new sheets.
Did you put all of this on my credit card? Well, I'll pay you back one day.
You said you wanted me to be happy, and changing all your furniture made me so happy.
I meant to treat yourself to a muffin, not a 19th-century Edwardian side chair upholstered in sable? Yeah, not that! I liked my old furniture.
Really? Yes.
All of this has to go back! Evelyn, it is time to accept reality.
You don't have any money.
That means you have to start fending for yourself.
That means get a job.
[Gasps.]
That is quite possibly the ugliest thing anyone has ever said to me.
Tough! Now give me back my credit card.
Evelyn.
Trust me, it's for your own good.
Rosie.
Good.
I've been wanting to talk to you about dinner tonight.
I left it in the refrigerator, Mrs.
Genevieve.
It's ready whenever you want.
You've misunderstood me, dear.
I'm inviting you to join me for dinner.
Oh.
Really? I'd like to get to know you better.
What's Rosie been up to lately? Still trying to get Spence out of prison.
Yes.
Right.
That.
Actually, I'm on my way out to see him now.
But surely you have time for dinner? I mean, Spence isn't going anywhere.
No, he's not, but I don't want to miss visiting hours.
Maybe we should have dinner tomorrow? Perfect.
I'll make all the arrangements.
You won't have to lift a finger.
- I don't mind.
- Nonsense.
That's what friends are for.
[Chuckles.]
Can I talk to you? What do you want to talk about, how you ruined my life? Or maybe skip that part and go right to you forgiving me.
Danni, I know you're mad about the showcase, but your mom is just looking out for you.
Mami doesn't understand me.
But out of all people, I thought you did.
I understand more than you know.
But I don't want you to live my life.
I want better for you.
It's all I ever wanted.
[Sighs.]
But now it's never gonna happen.
[Sighs.]
What if there was a way you could still sing in the showcase? You're gonna stand up to Mami for me? No.
God, no.
That woman scares the hell out of me.
Then how are you gonna change her mind? How else? We're going to lie our asses off.
Spence, how did Peri get along with Shannon? Did they ever fight? Yeah, yeah, of course they fought.
They were sisters.
I'm trying to figure out if Shannon could've killed Peri.
[Sighs.]
Shannon was always jealous.
She wanted to be an actress, too, but she was always living in Peri's shadow.
Did you ever see Shannon get violent? You know, I If I had all the answers, I wouldn't be in here.
What is the matter with you? I'm sorry.
It just [Sighs.]
This place is really getting to me.
I can't sleep.
There's this inmate who keeps watching me.
His name is "Kill Face.
" Kill Face? Why do they call him Kill Face? 'Cause he has the word "kill" tattooed on his face.
That sounds painful.
I must've wandered into his turf or something, and now he wants to shiv me or worse.
What could be worse? Rosie, come on.
I may be 50, but I am very, very handsome.
Oh.
And look at these guys.
I'm the Megan Fox of this prison.
[Sighs.]
Thanks for inviting me out.
I assume you heard about me and Kyle.
Yeah.
Did he give you the candle? Yes.
- What's up with that? - I don't know.
I told him it's bizarre to give a breakup gift.
He acted like we'd already broken up.
Well, i-it's just Kyle being Kyle.
I'm sorry.
He's your son.
I'm putting you in a terrible position.
Stop! You and I are friends.
At least I hope we still are.
And as your friend, I need to point out that there are lots of other fish in this room eligible fish.
Oh, I don't think I'm ready to go fishing the same day I got dumped.
And I know the perfect one.
Are you even listening to me? He's recently separated, highly entertaining, has a bajillion dollars and he's coming this way.
Just excuse me one [Sighs.]
Oh.
Ooh, I'm s I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna go this way.
Sorry.
A-Aah! Oh! Are you all right? Um I'm fine.
I'm fine.
[Sighs.]
Adrian Powell, have you ever met my dear friend Zoila? Actually No.
No? I would definitely remember meeting someone as enchanting as you.
Ooh, Marisol! Look at the ritzy new furniture! Yeah.
Don't get used to it.
It's all going back.
Well, I think it's much better.
I didn't like your ratty old stuff at all.
See, Marisol? These new pieces are a major step up.
Ha.
Sorry, is this a private maid meeting, or can anyone join in? No, it's fine.
Weird, but fine.
So what's the hot gossip in your world? Any maid sleeping with their owner? Their owner? [Gasps.]
Homeowner.
Was that not clear? So, Rosie, how is Spence holding up in prison? Yes.
Dish.
Spence says there's an inmate that wants to kill him or maybe kiss him, but probably kill.
You must be so worried.
Oh! Rosie, I feel for you.
Actually, I feel for all of you.
I don't know if you've heard, but I'm poor now, too, and being poor is horrible! Am I right, chicas? Evelyn, can you give me a hand in the kitchen? Absolutely.
Don't talk about me while I'm gone.
[Chuckles.]
Before they get back, I have to tell you a secret only Carmen knows.
You're pretending to be rich to your neighbors, you go to fancy parties, and you wear pantsuits.
What? I got a big mouth.
You should've known better.
Well, I went to a dinner last night, and Adrian Powell saw me.
[Gasps.]
I knew you were gonna get busted.
Nope.
He didn't recognize me.
Can you believe that? He's been to Genevieve's a thousand times, but I was just the maid, so I guess that racist little troll never even noticed me.
I was Spence's maid, and he noticed me.
Maybe you should try wearing more mascara.
And a little lip gloss wouldn't kill you.
[Laughs.]
I don't know why you asked me to help get coffee.
You have three perfectly good maids sitting in your living room.
Yes, you seem to be making yourself right at home with my friends.
Soon I'll be eating chimichangas and rolling my R's.
[Trilling tongue.]
Have you got a job yet? Marisol, I'm starting to suspect you want me out of your house.
I do.
Have I been too subtle? Look, I don't enjoy living in your little tenement, either, but I don't think a job is the answer.
Well, how do you know if you've never had one? Why don't you call my friend Andrea? She's a career counselor, and she can help you decide where to get started.
Thank you for the suggestion.
[Singsong voice.]
Not a suggestion.
Westmore.
Oh, hey, Kill Face.
That's not my name.
Really? Oh, I just assumed, you know, 'cause other people call you that, plus you got that tattoo, which is nice, by the way.
Say, you got great teeth.
Thanks.
What a terrifying compliment.
Nice and white.
Smile for me, Westmore.
Huh? Prisoners, separate.
Well, you heard the man.
See you later.
Yes.
You will.
[Cellphone beeps.]
Carmen, the showcase is in two hours.
What are we gonna do about Mami? Relax.
I'm taking her on a private bus tour, and I paid the driver to "run out of gas" so she'll miss the flight.
Y pracatá.
I'll get to do the showcase.
Yes.
[Both chuckle.]
Daniela.
Go get your suitcase.
We're going to the airport.
But the flight's not till tonight.
Yeah, Josefina.
I booked us a tour of movie star homes, and we're gonna go see George Clooney's house.
George Clooney? What do I care about George Clooney? What about Channing Tatum? - Who? - You know.
"Magic Mike.
" Try David Hasselhoff.
Really? David Hasselhoff? Oh, my God, I love him.
Is he on the tour? Mm-hmm.
And I heard the talking car lives with him, too.
You in? No.
I don't want us to get stuck in traffic.
Daniela, apurate.
The taxi will be here any minute.
Do something.
Josefina! Actually, the front door is over here.
- It is? - I know.
With all the construction going on, I get all confused, too.
After you.
This doesn't look like the - What are you doing?! - Plan "B.
" Quick, get the chair.
Carmen! The door won't open! Oh, my God, she's gonna kill us.
Do you want to go to the showcase or not? Mami, the door's stuck.
We're gonna go get some help.
Yeah, we're gonna be back really soon.
Daniela.
Carmen? Hey, Jesse.
Could you take Tucker to the park? He loves to feed the duckies.
Why don't you take him? Tucker wants you.
I think he really looks up to you.
You just want the house to yourself so you can snoop around before Shannon gets home.
That too.
Thanks, Jesse.
Let's go to the park! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! He just ate a bunch of sugar, so he's got lots of energy.
Have fun.
Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! That's some dress you're wearing.
[Shannon speaks indistinctly.]
Treated myself to a little shopping spree.
Well, maybe don't go overboard with the spending right now.
Oh, come on, Ben.
I'm just having a little fun.
Your sister just died.
It looks suspicious.
You're right.
You're always right.
I've been bad.
I guess I should be punished? Hmm.
Well, that can be arranged.
[Shannon moaning.]
I hope you don't mind my dropping by.
I just wanted to see how you're doing since Evelyn left.
Oh, I'm not worried about Evelyn.
She'll come back sooner or later.
But sooner better than later, right? For you, I mean.
Oh, she's staying with you.
Marisol, this is delightful.
Delightful? Why? She's hit rock bottom.
Tell me something.
Is she sleeping on a pull-out sofa? A blow-up mattress, a cot? Why does everyone think my place is so crappy? Point is, I'm winning.
It's not a game.
Evelyn is really suffering.
At least grant her access to her money.
Never.
That's my leverage.
You're just making her resent you.
Resentment, rage, despair It's all part of demolishing her spirit into a fine dust.
But I thought you wanted her back.
I do.
But first she needs to learn a little lesson.
So this never happens again.
Maybe instead of punishing her, you should be wondering why she left you in the first place.
Give her a kiss for me.
You're an ass.
Hello? [Door rattling.]
Hello? Is anybody out there? Who the hell are you? Esa bruja descarada me encerró aquà y se escapó con mi hija! Ahora voy a perder mi vuelo! La voy a matar! Oh, well, that explains it.
Yes! Yes! Do it! Ben! Yeah! [Moaning.]
[Laughs.]
[Sighs.]
[Chuckles.]
Oh, I really needed that.
Wow, you got a little carried away.
Are you sure nobody's home? Relax.
Tucker's still at the park with Rosie.
Oh, Rosie.
How's she working out? Great.
I mean, she's dumb as a doorknob, but the kid loves her.
And you're keeping an eye on her, right? She's not asking questions about Spence? She doesn't have a clue.
And she doesn't know anything about The Circle? You worry too much.
[Cellphone vibrating.]
Is that a phone? Maybe it was mine.
I got to get out of here anyway.
I'm late for a meeting.
Well, that's too bad.
I'm ready for round two.
Rosie, it's Genevieve again.
I thought we had dinner plans.
Where are you? Call me, please.
[Cellphone beeps.]
[Sighs.]
Play something happy.
No, that won't be necessary.
I've been stood up.
Who would stand up a beautiful woman like you? I know, it's shocking.
This whole dinner was for my maid.
I was trying to make her my friend.
Only now the funny thing is I feel lonelier than ever.
You know what you need? A man.
Yes, I do.
And I know just the one to call.
[Applause.]
[Slams table.]
Josefina.
You're You're here.
Ow! You tricked me.
You locked me in that horrible little room.
I'm sorry.
Danni begged me to let her sing, and I couldn't say no.
Look, we're here now, so just just let her perform.
After what you two did to me? Trust me.
I've done a ton of these showcases.
Nothing ever comes of them.
It's very discouraging.
You're trying to trick me again.
Unfortunately, I'm not.
She's gonna sing her heart out, and when nobody cares, she's gonna be on the next flight back home.
Just let her have her moment.
[Light applause.]
Hi.
My name is Daniela Mercado, and this is my first showcase, so here goes.
["La Paloma" plays.]
Cuando salà de la Habana ¡Válgame Dios! Nadie me ha visto salir Si no fuà yo Y una linda Guachinanga Allá voy yo Que se vino tras de mà Que sÃ, señor - What's wrong with you? - Nothing.
Si a tu ventana llega una paloma Trátala con cariño que es mi persona It was a shame you left the club in such a hurry the other day.
Sorry.
Migraine.
Came on quick.
Remember Adrian? I think you and he would be an excellent match.
[Groans.]
I think it's coming back.
What's wrong with Adrian? You don't even know him.
I know his type, and there is no way I would ever date Adrian Powell.
So sorry I'm late.
Blame it on the imbeciles in this city who can't make a left turn.
[Both laugh.]
Adrian, you've met my friend Zoila.
Yes.
But did I get the date wrong? I thought you and I were dining tonight.
Oh, rats.
I must've double booked.
Well, no worries.
You know, I'm suddenly not feeling well.
A migraine.
But why don't you two have dinner anyway? As great as that sounds, I came in the car with you, so Oh, well, Adrian will drive you home, and dinner's on me.
I feel just terrible about this.
Well, that had all of the subtlety of a Kardashian wedding.
If you want to call it a night, that is fine by me.
Nonsense.
As long as Frances is picking up the tab, we may as well enjoy it.
Excuse me.
Yes, could I get a glass of the '98 Lafitte Rothschild Bordeaux? Make it a bottle.
Let me ask you something, are you happy doing this job? We all have to work.
Do we, though? See, I'm supposed to be looking for a job, but I don't know the first thing about them.
What does someone in your position make? A million a year? Less? [Sighs.]
Your total is $6,836.
16.
Ooh, something must've been on sale.
Put it on this.
Great.
You're Marisol Suarez? SÃ! May I see your license, please? Okay, I'm not actually Marisol, but she's a dear friend.
She'd be fine if she knew I was using it.
"If she knew"? I'm gonna have to keep this card, ma'am.
You can't do that.
Give it to me.
Do not touch me.
Really? Or what? Not how I expected that to go.
It's been a long time since I've been on a first date.
I forgot how awkward it is to make small talk with a complete stranger.
[Coughing.]
Are you okay? I'm just having a hard time swallowing this.
Good evening, Carlos.
Could I trouble you for some oysters Rockefeller to start? Of course.
But I'm Santiago.
Oh.
Oh.
Honest mistake.
Don't do anything repulsive to my oysters.
What? You think all Latinos look alike.
No, I think Carlos and San Diego look alike.
Because they're both brown? No, because they're both waiters.
I'm not a racist.
I'm a classist.
That's just as bad.
God, what is it like to go through life thinking whole groups of people are below you? You can't even be bothered to remember something as simple as what they look like.
You know what you are? An idiot.
You remind me of my wife.
[Coughing.]
You seem to be choking a lot.
Perhaps you should have that checked.
I am nothing like Evelyn.
You know my wife? Only by reputation.
Excuse me, Santiago.
I'm sorry.
Can we speed this along and order, please? Thank you.
I'm Carlos.
That's Santiago.
It happens all the time.
Mrs.
Genevieve, I am so, so sorry.
It's fine.
Clearly my dinner invitation meant nothing to you.
That's not true.
I wanted to be here, but I got stuck under a bed.
And I couldn't leave because these two people came in and started having sex right on top of me.
You don't have to lie, Rosie.
If you didn't want to be my friend, you just had to say so.
Mrs.
Genevieve, I do want to be your friend very much.
Well, I'm sorry.
That position has already been filled.
Genevieve, come dance with me.
Who's that? Fabian, my hairdresser.
I prefer hair magician.
[Chuckles.]
He's fabulous, funny, fierce, ferocious, and officially my new best friend.
[Latin music plays.]
Sorry to postpone our meeting, Cece, but I have a friend who needed my help.
Yes, she is.
Very, very sick.
Thank you for understanding.
[Cellphone beeps.]
I am so sorry, Marisol.
I know this is a terrible inconvenience.
Well, I suppose Cece Sheffield and her very lucrative account will have to wait.
Let's just get you out of here.
Says you only had $2.
07 on you at the time of your arrest.
That correct? Shut up.
I am so humiliated.
I'm penniless, barefoot, and I just befriended a prostitute who undoubtedly has more money than me.
Stay strong, Coco.
This will all turn out okay.
No! Adrian was right.
He said my life would be terrible without him, and it is.
I have to go back.
Absolutely not.
I won't allow you to go back to that man.
You deserve better.
Trust me.
We will figure something out.
You'll take care of me now? We will figure something out.
Hey! How was your showcase? Oh.
Not that I'm complaining, but what are you doing? This is how I say goodbye.
Goodbye? I'm going back to San Juan tomorrow.
Whoa, what's going on? Did your showcase go badly? No, I was amazing.
But nobody cared.
No agents or producers.
My mom is right.
It's just never gonna happen for me.
Wait.
Wait, so that's it? You're going home? It's what she wants.
Danni, you're an adult.
Who cares what your mom wants? Okay, you obviously don't have a bossy Latina mother.
Yeah, but I know that if you really want something, you can't just bail at the first setback.
What does it matter to you? I know we agreed to keep things casual, but the truth is I don't want you to go.
Hmm.
Maybe I will stay.
Great.
But we can still have the goodbye sex, right? - Oh, yeah.
- Okay.
Kill Face.
Oh, God.
You're here.
Listen, whatever I did, I'm sorry.
Shh! I'm not supposed to be in here after lights out.
But I need you.
No, no, you don't need me.
Oh.
Ju We can Wait, what's this? My script.
Me and the other guys are putting on a play.
You're gonna be the lead.
You want me to act? Weren't you Dr.
Lance on "Love Affairs"? I freakin' loved that show.
Oh, God.
You're a fan.
We all are.
You're kind of a big deal.
It's not every day we get a celebrity murderer in here.
Alleged celebrity murderer.
Yeah, and I allegedly stabbed that cop in the eye.
[Laughs.]
You know, you really didn't have to walk me to the door.
Well, despite what you might hear about me, I'm a gentleman.
Anyway I would like to do this again.
You're kidding, right? You're doing nothing to hide your revulsion towards me, but there is nothing in the world I enjoy so much as a challenge.
[Grunts.]
I knew those two would hit it off.
Yeah.
Everyone's living happily ever after.
So, Cece.
What do I need to do to get one of my maids into your beautiful home? Honestly, I don't much like having strangers in my house.
Yes, but these maids aren't strangers.
They're more like friends with feather dusters.
No offense, but I'm just not a maid person.
I only took this meeting to get you to stop calling.
Hello, Cece.
Evelyn, what are you doing here? Oh, I'm friends with Marisol.
Now, when is the last time we saw each other? Your God-awful holiday party? But look at you.
Taking the bull by the horns and rectifying the problem.
Problem? Was there a problem? Evelyn, maybe you could give us Your house was downright filthy.
The powder room ran out of toilet paper, and the guests were playing tic-tac-toe in the dust on your piano.
Marisol, you're sending me six candidates this afternoon, yes? Absolutely.
See you at the club.
[Laughs.]
It never occurred to me to insult the client to get their business.
Sometimes the only way to motivate the wealthy is to embarrass them.
So you did that intentionally? I just wanted to repay you for all I've put you through lately.
Evelyn, I may regret this, but how'd you like to come and work for me? Josefina.
Esperate.
I'm re-booking our flight home.
I think you should let Danni stay.
I thought you wanted her out of your hair.
That was before I heard her sing.
She's She's really talented.
You're talented.
She's better than me.
Ugh.
And it nearly killed me to say that, so you know it's true.
Carmen.
If you think I'm gonna let Daniela stay, you're crazier than I thought.
Okay, I know you don't understand, but Danni's an artist.
She's never gonna be the person you want her to be.
So, now you're an expert on Daniela? After knowing her, what, a month? - Josefina - No.
Where were you when she was sick with the chicken pox or had her heart broken by a boy? Exactly.
So you don't get to decide what Daniela does.
You gave up that right years ago.
Maybe, but you keep acting like I'm nobody to her, and that's not true, 'cause I'm Don't you dare say it! I'm her mother! Me! And I gave birth to her! What? - Oh, my God.
- Danni.
Stay away from me, both of you! Danni, please, please, don't Danni.
[Door slams.]
You know, I wasn't sure at first, but I really think this pink makes my toes pop.
[Laughs.]
Fabian, I'm having such a good time with you.
You have brought a bit of sunshine back into my life, and right when I need it most.
You know, you should meet some of my friends.
I think you'd really like them.
Are they all as much fun as you? Sort of.
[Chuckles.]
We're all a part of this group where we get together and discuss things.
Like a book club? Something like that.
You should read this.
It's going to change your life.
"Joynetics: Completing The Circle".
The Circle? That's what Shannon and Ben were talking about.
Do you know what it is? No, I don't.
Did Peri ever talk about The Circle? [Sighs.]
Is it 100 degrees in here? What's wrong? You said everything was better with Kill Face.
It is.
Then why are you still so nervous and and sweaty? [Wheezes.]
Spence? Hey.
I can't breathe.
Spence.
Spence! Help! Help! Somebody help him! Help!