Doug (1991) s04e04 Episode Script

( yelps )
( barks )
( electric guitar playing )
( man singing scat )
( barks )
COOL! WHOA!
( thwack )
( barks )
Skeeter:
IT ALL STARTED A LONG TIME AGO
WHEN THE POWERFUL BARON
VON HECKELHOFFER FELL IN LOVE
WITH A BEAUTIFUL MAIDEN.
TO WIN HER LOVE,
HE BUILT A GIGANTIC MANSION.
IT TOOK HIM 17 LONG YEARS
BUT HE DID IT.
FINALLY,
ON THE DAY THEY GOT MARRIED
HE BROUGHT HIS NEW BRIDE
TO THE HOUSE.
HE SWEPT HER INTO HIS ARMS
AND RAN UP THE STEPS
THEN PUSHED THE MASSIVE DOOR
OPEN FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
HE STEPPED
ACROSS THE THRESHOLD AND
SPLAT!
HE FORGOT TO PUT IN A FLOOR
AND EVER SINCE THEY PLUNGED
TO THEIR HORRIBLE, BLOODY DEATHS
THERE'S BEEN
A CURSE ON THE HOUSE
AND FEW HAVE DARED TO ENTER IT.
SOME PEOPLE SAID THEY
DIDN'T BELIEVE IN HAUNTED HOUSES
AT LEAST UNTIL THEY CROSSED
( all gasp )
THE THRESHOLD OF DEATH.
( screaming )
LET'S JUST SAY
THEY NEVER STAYED LONG.
FOR YEARS,
NOBODY BOUGHT THE HOUSE--
THAT IS, NO ONE LIVING--
UNTIL ONE DAY,
A SCARY, HOODED GUY
WHOSE FACE NOBODY EVER SAW
DECIDED TO PU
THE HOUSE TO BETTER USE
( evil laugh )
IN FUNKY TOWN!
AND RIGHT THERE,
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PARK
HE MADE THE SCARIEST RIDE EVER--
A RIDE THROUGH A REAL
HAUNTED HOUSE: BLOODSTONE MANOR.
( laughs crazily )
AND TONIGHT IS
THE GRAND OPENING
AND YOU AND I
ARE GOING IN.
COOL, HUH?
( gulps )
YEAH.
( gulps )
GREAT.
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
DOUG
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( barks )
Doug:
HALLOWEEN IS
MY MOST FAVORITE HOLIDAY:
FREE CANDY, SPOOKY PUMPKINS
AND COSTUMES
BUT THIS YEAR WAS DIFFERENT--
SKEETER WAS MAKING ME
GO TO THE GRAND OPENING
OF THE SCARIEST RIDE EVER MADE.
I WAS HOPING
MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE TOO SCARED
BECAUSE I WAS GOING
AS SOMEBODY REALLY GREAT:
RACE CANYON.
( laughs )
Canyon:
HA-HA, I'VE MADE IT.
THE INFAMOUS BLOODSTONE MANOR.
Evil voice:
NOT SO FAST, DR. CANYON.
CAN I SHOW YOU
TO THE THRESHOLD OF DEATH?
( laughs maniacally )
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
BIG BOY?
YOU LOOK WHIPPED.
( screams )
NICE WORK, DOUG.
NO PROBLEM, DR. CANYON.
OH, AND NICE OUTFIT.
WHY, THANKS.
( singing theme
to "Race Canyon" )
AW, IS LITTLE
DOUGIE DRESSED UP
TO GO TRICK
OR TREATING?
HUH?
I'M GOING
TO BLOODSTONE MANOR.
YOU GET IN FREE
WITH A COSTUME.
BLOODSTONE MANOR?
( thunder )
I HEAR THAT'S
UNBELIEVABLY TERRIFYING.
WELL, IT'S JUS
A RIDE, JUDY.
WELL, HOW SCARY CAN IT BE?
( woman screams )
Announcer:
So you think you're
brave, do you?
Find out tonight at Funky Town
when Bloodstone Manor
opens its doors
to give you the scare
of your life or death.
Wear a costume and get in free
for once you cross the threshold
there's no turning back.
( maniacal laughter )
( gulps )
( maniacal laughter )
YOU!
( screams )
SO SKEET, YOU READY
TO GO TRICK OR TREATING?
TRICK OR TREATING?
BUT DOUG, I THOUGH
WE WERE GOING TO
RIDE BLOODSTONE MANOR.
( thunder )
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PASS UP
FREE CANDY, ARE YOU, MAN?
THERE'S GOING
TO BE HUGE LINES
IF WE DON'T GE
TO FUNKY TOWN EARLY.
WE MIGHT NOT GET ON.
THAT'D BE TERRIBLE.
WELL, I GUESS
WE'D BETTER GET STARTED
TRICK OR TREATING.
( whistles )
( sighs )
AREN'T WE A LITTLE OLD
FOR THIS, DOUG?
OLD? NAW.
YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD
FOR FREE CANDY.
HEADS UP.
( yelling )
( doorbell rings )
LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE
FOR THESE LITTLE
DOUG? SKEETER?
IS THAT YOU?
YEAH, IT'S US.
YEAH
HEYA, CONNIE.
WE'RE DOING
THIS FOR DALE.
OH, YEAH, MY BABY BROTHER.
HE LOVES CANDY.
BUT THAT'S OKAY.
I THINK HE JUS
WENT ON A DIET.
SEE YOU.
Skeeter:
8:00!
MAN, LET'S GET TO FUNKY TOWN.
WE'VE ONLY GO
TWO HOURS.
TWO HOURS?
HOW MUCH LONGER COULD I STALL?
WE'D BEEN AROUND
THE NEIGHBORHOOD TWICE.
( moaning )
WHO CHOPPED OFF MY HEAD?
( moaning )
WHO CHOPPED OFF
MY HEAD?
HEY, ROGER.
I TOLD YOU WE'D SCARE
THE PANTS OFF THEM.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN
YOUR FACES.
( laughing )
SO WHAT ARE YOU TWO--
A HOBO AND A BATHTUB?
NO, MAN.
I'M A SPACESHIP
FROM SPACE MONKS
THE VIDEO
GAME
AND HE'S RACE CANYON
( muffled )
( laughing )
OH, BROTHER, YOU--
RACE CANYON?
MORE LIKE
RACE CHICKEN.
( laughing )
HEY, ROG, LET'S SEE
HOW BRAVE RACE CHICKEN IS.
DUH, YEAH, HE CAN
BE THE FIRST ONE
TO T.P.
MR. BONE'S HOUSE.
COME ON, RACE,
LET'S SEE YOU IN ACTION.
HAPPY TRICK
OR TREAT!
BUT ROGER,
WE CAN'T DO THIS.
( clucking like chickens )
I AM NOT CHICKEN,
IT'S JUST
THEN DO IT, WHY DON'T YOU?
( more clucking )
COME ON, SKEETER,
LET'S GO.
PHEW!
( clucking like chickens )
WE'RE JUST IN TIME
FOR THE SHUTTLE.
HURRY!
WHO WAS I KIDDING?
HOW WAS I GOING TO CROSS
THE THRESHOLD OF DEATH
WHEN I COULDN'T EVEN T.P.
A HOUSE?
COME ON, DOUG,
WE GOT TO GO, MAN.
I CAN'T, SKEETER,
I'M SORRY, BUT
OH, MAN.
WHAT DO I NEED
THAT HAT FOR ANYHOW?
I'M NO RACE CANYON.
THAT'S OKAY.
WE CAN ALWAYS GO
SOME OTHER TIME.
HEY, GUYS,
WHAT YOU DOING?
TRICK OR TREATING?
Both:
NO NO WAY UH-UH.
YEAH, ME NEITHER.
MY DAD'S TAKING ME
TO A COSTUME PARTY
AT MISS MIMI'S.
COOL COSTUMES.
ARE YOU SOME SOR
OF SPACESHIP, SKEETER?
YEAH, FROM SPACE MONKS.
AND YOU, DOUG,
YOU LOOK LIKE
I KNOW,
I KNOW, A HOBO.
I WAS GOING TO
SAY RACE CANYON
BUT WITHOUT THE HAT.
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
YEAH.
IF YOU WERE TALLER
I'D SAY YOU WERE
THE SPITTING IMAGE.
I'LL HANDLE THIS.
BEAT IT.
OH, RACE,
YOU'RE MY HERO.
SAY, PATTI,
COULD YOU AND YOUR DAD
DROP US OFF AT BLOODSTONE MANOR?
GOT TO CROSS THE
THRESHOLD OF DEATH.
ALL RIGHT!
GET YOURSELF TO FUNKY TOWN.
( thunder )
Patti:
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU GUYS ARE GOING
TO BLOODSTONE MANOR
AND YOU'RE NOT SCARED?
Doug:
OF COURSE NOT.
WELL, I AM.
I'D NEVER GO ON I
AFTER WHAT HAPPENED
TO THOSE TWO GUYS.
YOU CAN'T LE
A LITTLE
TWO GUYS?
WHAT TWO GUYS?
YEAH, THEY SAY
WHEN THEY WERE TESTING I
TWO WORKERS RODE IN
BUT THE ONLY THING THA
CAME OUT WERE THEIR SHOES.
( laughs strangely )
DADDY, STOP.
WELL, YOU CAN'T BELIEVE
EVERYTHING YOU
WHO TOLD YOU THIS?
Patti:
SKEETER.
SEE YOU.
WHAT'S THIS
ABOUT SHOES?
THEY'RE JUST RUMORS--
LIKE THAT STUFF
ABOUT THE MANIAC.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
MANIAC?
THEY SAY
THE GUY IN THE HOOD--
THE GUY WHO
BOUGHT THE HOUSE--
SOME PEOPLE THINK
HE'S STILL IN THERE.
( gasps )
YOU CAN'T BELIEVE
EVERYTHING YOU
( gasps )
OH, MAN.
8:30 OH
OH, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
TILL IT CLOSES.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE!
Barker:
STEP INTO THE REALM
OF THE SUPERNATURAL.
ABANDON YE
ALL FOOD OR DRINK.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
CAN YOU SEE?
IF IT AIN'T CHICKEN
BOY AND BATHTUB.
THANKS FOR SAVING
MY PLACE.
Man:
ATTENTION,
EVERYBODY--
THE PARK IS NOW CLOSING.
WHAT?
WE'VE STILL GOT 15 MINUTES.
WHY DON'T YOU GO
TO THE GIFT SHOP?
I'M OUT OF HERE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
AFTER WE WAITED
ALL THIS TIME!
HEY, LOOK.
YOU GUYS THINKING
WHAT I'M THINKING?
THE GUY SAYS
THEY'RE CLOSED.
WHO? THAT LOSER?
WE STILL GO
15 MINUTES.
WE'RE WITHIN
OUR RIGHTS.
I DON'T KNOW, ROGER.
( clucks like a chicken )
HE'S RIGHT, MAN.
WE STILL HAVE 15 MINUTES
BEFORE THE PARK CLOSES.
OKAY, COME ON, MAN.
( Roger keeps clucking )
( wolf howls )
HERE GOES.
( evil laughter )
WELCOME, I HAVE A SPECIAL TREA
IN STORE FOR TRESPASSERS.
( laughs )
AS YOU CAN SEE,
THERE'S NO WAY OUT OF THIS ROOM
EXCEPT STRAIGHT DOWN!
( laughs wickedly )
OH, MAN, NOW WHA
ARE WE GOING TO DO?
OH, NO!
KIND OF A SHORT RIDE,
ISN'T IT?
HUH?
HEY, LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S A TRICK,
MIRRORS OR SOMETHING.
HUH?
COOL!
YEAH, C-COOL.
YOU'VE CROSSED
THE THRESHOLD OF DEATH.
THERE'S NO TURNING BACK NOW.
( door creaks )
I SEE YOU FOUND THE DINING ROOM.
( clock chimes )
AND I SEE BY THE GRANDFATHER
CLOCK IT'S TIME TO EAT.
SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
YOU DON'T WANT YOUR FOOD
TO GET COLD, DO YOU?
I'M NOT SO SURE I FEEL HUNGRY.
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY
A SMALL SALAD.
( screaming )
( screaming )
( screaming )
LOOK OUT!
( laughing evilly )
All:
HUH?
HEY, WHAT'S
GOING ON?
OH-OH.
WHAT IS IT, SKEET?
IT'S 10:00, MAN.
THEY'RE CLOSING
THE PARK.
HELP!!
WAIT A MINUTE,
ROGER.
I'M SURE WE CAN FIND A WAY
OUT AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S
SOME STAIRS LEADING DOWN.
UH-UH, I AIN'T GOING NOWHERE.
OH, COME ON, ROGER,
QUIT KIDDING.
WAIT, FUNNIE,
DON'T LEAVE.
WHAT IS IT?
DID YOU HEAR
SOMETHING?
I HEARD SOMETHING.
( moaning )
WE'RE GETTING OU
OF HERE, ROGER.
WE'LL FIND SOMEBODY TO
GET THIS RIDE GOING AGAIN.
THIS IS IT, SKEET.
MADE IT!
MAN, I'M NEVER
DOING THAT AGAIN.
LET'S FIND SOMEBODY
TO START THIS THING
AND GET OUT OF HERE.
LOOK, A PHONE!
HELLO? HELLO?
I WONDER HOW YOU DIAL.
LOOK.
YOU DID IT.
ALL RIGHT!
THAT MUST BE ROGER.
COME ON.
( evil laugh )
SO YOU MADE IT.
NEXT TIME YOU WON'T BE SO LUCKY.
Both:
WHOA!
Both:
ROGER!
I THINK
I MAY BE SCARED NOW.
Roger:
HELP ME, SOMEBODY.
WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO, DOUG?
WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
YOU THINKING
WHAT I'M THINKING?
RUN AWAY?
RIGHT.
( blood-curdling scream )
NO, WE CAN'
LEAVE ROGER BEHIND.
WE GOT TO GO BACK.
I WAS AFRAID
YOU'D SAY THAT.
( wolf howls )
THERE'S WHERE
WE GOT STUCK.
ROGER?
WELL, NOT HERE.
LET'S GO HOME.
WE GOT TO KEEP LOOKING.
WHOA!
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE HE FELL?
IT COULD BE MILES.
( wolf howls )
SKEETER.
WHAT?
I CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW STUPID WE ARE.
REMEMBER THE FRONT ROOM--
THE BOTTOMLESS PIT?
YEAH
OH! YOU MEAN
IT'S JUS
ANOTHER
WHOA!
HANG ON, DOUG.
YOU OKAY?
YEAH, MAN.
WOW!
THIS MUST BE WHERE
THEY RUN EVERYTHING.
I BET THIS IS
WHERE THEY BUILD
THE CREEPY STUFF FOR UPSTAIRS.
HEY, DOUG,
CHECK IT OUT.
HEY, MAN, CAN I
BORROW YOUR TOOTHBRUSH?
CUT IT OUT, SKEETER.
WE GOT TO FIND ROGER.
( scraping noise )
ROGER?
( both scream )
OH, BOY, THEY SURE MAKE
THESE THINGS LOOK REAL.
HUH?
( screams )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UH, WELL, SIR, WE WERE
LOOKING FOR OUR FRIEND
AND WE THINK
HE MIGHT BE HERE
IN YOUR LOVELY
HOME?
YOUR FRIEND IS NOT HERE.
GET OUT!
GOOD IDEA, YES, SIR.
THANK YOU, SIR.
COME ON, YOU HEARD
THE NICE MANIAC.
ROGER'S NOT HERE.
Roger:
COME ON, THIS WAY.
SKEETER, THAT'S ROGER.
IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE HIM.
COME ON.
( chicken clucking )
WHAT WAS I DOING--
RUNNING AWAY LIKE A LITTLE
CHICKEN JUST LIKE BEFORE
LEAVING ROGER
AT A TIME LIKE THIS.
DOUG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Doug:
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
WE'RE NOT LEAVING
WITHOUT ROGER.
THIS WAY.
Over here, you morons.
When I see them coming
I'll shout "trick or treat"
and you cream them, got it?
Both:
Got it.
ROGER'S OUTSIDE?
BUT BUT HOW?
Those goons.
I bet they think I'm a chicken.
Well, we'll just see
who's the chicken.
( laughing )
Both:
ROGER!
I think
I may be scared now.
Roger:
Help me, somebody.
Doug:
THAT WEASEL.
SO HE
TRICKED US!
THAT RAT!
WE GO TO
ALL THIS TROUBLE
AND NOW
WE GET EGGED.
( laughs )
NOT NECESSARILY.
WHAT?
( wolf howls )
I'M FREEZING.
HEY, THEY'LL BE OUT SOON.
I WONDER WHAT'S TAKING
THOSE GUYS SO LONG?
Ghostly voices:
ROGER WILLIE
SHUT UP, BOOMER.
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, ROGER.
THEN WHO SAID
Voices:
IT WAS ME.
LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO US, ROGER.
WHAT THE YOU'RE YOU'RE?
WE'RE GHOSTS, THAT'S WHAT.
AND NOW WE'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO
HAUNT YOU FOREVER,
I GUESS.
( laughs )
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
YOU'RE NOT CHICKEN, ARE YOU?
All:
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
( clucking like chickens )
DON'T HAUNT ME, DOUG.
I'LL DO ANYTHING.
IT WAS
ROTTEN OF YOU
TO T.P. THOSE HOUSES.
YEAH, MAN,
REALLY ROTTEN.
WE'LL CLEAN THEM UP,
RIGHT, GUYS?
All:
YEAH, ALL OF THEM,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
YEAH, ALL OF THEM,
WE'LL CLEAN THEM UP.
OH, YEAH, I MEAN,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
WE'LL CLEAN THEM UP.
YEAH, DON'T WORRY.
TONIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH, SURE, SURE.
WHATEVER YOU SAY.
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
OH, AND ROGER,
ONE MORE THING.
NEXT TIME YOU MAY NO
BE SO LUCKY!
( laughs wickedly )
( screaming )
( ghosts laughing )
( laughing )
AND DID YOU SEE
THEIR FACES?
YEAH, MAN,
I DON'T THINK
I'VE EVER SEEN
THEM RUN SO FAST.
AND WE COULDN'
HAVE DONE I
WITHOUT YOU, SIR.
I HAVE SOMETHING
THAT MAY BELONG TO YOU.
A RACE CANYON HAT.
MY RACE CANYON HAT.
BUT WHERE DID YOU
HOW DID YOU?
WHO ARE YOU?
JUST CALL ME
BARON VON HECKELHOFFER.
( laughs )
Both:
BARON VON HECKELHOFFER!
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
HEAD HOME, SKEET?
S-SOUNDS GOOD, MAN.
TONIGHT I THINK
I DID RACE CANYON PROUD.
NOT ONLY WAS I BRAVE ENOUGH
TO CROSS THE THRESHOLD OF DEATH
BUT I EVEN WENT BACK
TO SAVE ROGER.
I WONDER IF RACE CANYON EVER
HAD TO RUN ALL THE WAY HOME.