Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s04e04 Episode Script

1
BBBB YEAH!
MAKE ME LOOK JUS
LIKE ONE OF THEM
HIGH-FASHION WHATSITS, OK?
YOU'VE GOT IT, MAY.
YEAH, WE'LL MAKE YOU
LOOK LIKE A BUCK AND A HALF.
LET'S START WITH KETCHUP
FOR THAT HOMELY COMPLEXION.
AND COLD CUTS'LL GET RID OF THOSE
SHOPPING BAGS UNDER YOUR EYES.
ONE EGG FOR WHO KNOWS WHAT.
AND SOME EAU DE PICKLES
FOR THAT SMELL OF SUCCESS.
MASSAGE GENTLY.
May: I FEEL PRETTY ALREADY!
Maria: A QUICK BLOW-DRY.
AND Lee and Maria:
READY OR NOT,
YOU'RE HOT TO TROT!
I'M UGLY!
SO, WHAT ELSE IS NEW?
HEY!
YOU WRECKED MY
NATURAL GOOD LOOKS!
SHE'S DELUSIONAL.
I SAY WE RUSH HER.
AAH!
[SOBBING]
Lee: GO SEE WHA
SHE'S DOING NOW.
Maria: WHO DIED AND
MADE YOU QUEEN?
[PUNCH]
AH, SHE'S JUST BAWLING.
WE MADE THE LITTLE BABY CRY.
HA HA! OW!
NOW MY MAN'S GONNA
THINK I'M A COOTIE TRAP.
WHAT DO YOU CARE? YOU'VE
GOT A GREAT PERSONALITY.
BESIDES, WHO NEEDS GOOD
LOOKS WHEN YOU'VE GOT US?
Ed: OOH, OOH, LOOK, DOUBLE D!
ART!
I CALL THIS ONE, "TO
NOODLE OR NOT TO NOODLE."
AND THIS ONE I WILL CALL,
"NO MORE FOR ME, THANKS.
I AM A RUSSIAN."
WELL, MACARONI AR
SEEMS TO HAVE REALLY
BROUGHT OUT YOUR
CREATIVE SIDE, ED.
YEAH, JUST LIKE IT BROUGH
OUT ALL THESE PAYING CUSTOMERS
WHO WILL JUST FLIP FOR
DOUBLE D'S ARTS AND CRAFTS FAIR!
TWO WORDS, DOUBLE D:
LAME. "O."
A FOOL'S BOLT IS
SOON SHOT, EDDY.
IT IS WELL-DOCUMENTED
THAT HOMEMADE ANOMALIES
PERK ONE'S CURIOSITY.
CAN YOU HONESTLY
SAY THIS BUTTERFLY
MADE FROM COMMON
HOUSEHOLD TWADDLE
ISN'T DELIGHTFUL?
I'M STILL STUCK ON
THAT FOOL'S BOLT LINE.
Ed: WHOOPS! UH, GUYS?
I THINK I GLUED MY
HEAD TO THE TABLE!
OH, ED.
HOW ON EARTH DID YOU EVER
Kankers: HIYA, ED!
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR ME!
Lee and Maria: YOU'RE
COMING WITH US!
OKEY-DOKEY, LADIES!
UM, SEE YA, GUYS!
A LESSON IN LIFE
I'M SURE TO GET.
YEP, I HAVE SEEN BETTER DAYS.
DID YOU SEE THAT?!
I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.
YOU SEE SOMETHING?
'CAUSE I DIDN'T.
KANKERS? WHAT KANKERS?
WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING,
EDDY. ED NEEDS OUR HELP!
OH, THE HORROR!
ONE CAN ONLY
IMAGINE THE ATROCITIES
THOSE LOWER-LIVES HAVE PLANNED!
JUST DENY EVERYTHING, DOUBLE D.
YOU'LL LIVE LONGER!
HOW ABOUT HELPING
ME MAKE ONE OF THEM
SISSY BUTTERFLY THINGS?
HELP?
OF COURSE! HELP!
THERE'S POWER IN NUMBERS, EDDY!
HURRY!
[HUMMING]
Edd: ROLF!
ED! TROUBLE!
KANKER SISTERS!
PLEASE!
ROLF, YOU MUST HELP US.
THE SECURITY OF OUR
ONCE-PEACEFUL CUL-DE-SAC
HAS BEEN BREACHED.
OUR DEAR ED WAS JUS
PLUCKED FROM THIN AIR
BY THOSE UNRELENTING
KANKER SISTERS.
IS THAT SO,
HE WHO LAMENTS
AT THE TIP OF A HAT?
DID ROLF JUST JUMP
INTO THAT BARREL
OF TREE SAP?
OH!
FEAR NOT, AS THE URBAN
RANGERS WILL RESCUE
THE NINNY HAMMERHEAD BOY.
HOLD THAT THOUGHT, HOUDINI.
URBAN RANGERS?
I HATE THEM.
URBAN RANGERS!
OH!
TODAY WE MUST BELL THE CAT,
TAKE THE BULLS BY THE HORN,
BEARD THE LION IN HIS DEN,
MARCH UP TO THE CANNON'S MOUTH,
GO THROUGH THE FIRE AND WATER,
AND FACE THE MUSIC.
BUT THERE IS NO BADGE.
NO BADGE!
SOMETHING SMELLS
ROTTEN IN DENMARK!
DON'T LOOK AT ME!
AS THE RANGER MANUAL WILL
ONLY REWARD THIS DEED WITH THE
FREEING OF THE FOOL
PEWTER MEDALLION!
OOH! PEWTER!
OH, COME ON!
YOU GUYS ARE SO
FULL OF YOURSELVES.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVEN
THOUGHT OF JOINING
YOU STUPID HAS-BEENS.
URBAN RANGERS?
SO SORRY, ED BOY,
BUT THIS MISSION IS FOR
URBAN RANGERS ONLY.
OOPS! WRONG FLOOR.
PLEASE, ROLF, LET US JOIN YOU.
ED'S OUR FRIEND!
RANGERS, RETREAT!
IN ORDER FOR A MUCKWORM TO
ACCOMPANY THE URBAN RANGERS
ON ANY OFFICIAL
URBAN RANGER DEED,
THEY MUST BE DEPUTIZED
INTO RANGERHOOD.
RANGER JONNY!
DOUBLE D AND EDDY,
DO YOU VOW TO UPHOLD
THE SECRECY OF RANGERHOOD
OR FACE 100 SMACKS
WITH A WET NOODLE?
Jimmy: RAISE YOUR
LEFT HAND AND SWEAR!
I DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR.
SHEESH.
DO IT FOR ED, EDDY.
I'D SWEAR, BU
STANDARDS WON'T LET ME.
Ed: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM
ME, SHE-WOLF OF BADNESS?
SET ME FREE AND I, UM,
I WILL GIVE YOU MY MACARONI ART!
I LOVE A MAN THAT BEGS.
OH, MAY, WE GOT A
SURPRISE FOR YOU.
A BIG AND DUMB ONE!
May: I STILL AIN'
TALKING TO YOU TWO.
HA! YOU JUST DID, BONEHEAD.
Lee: TAKE A LOOK, MAY!
IT'S MY BOYFRIEND!
Ed: OH, HELP ME!
AND TO THINK, I
ALMOST MISSED THIS!
COME, URBAN RANGERS,
AS DESTINY CALLS!
Lee: OK, MAY. CHOOSE
YOUR WEAPON.
LET HIM HAVE IT, MAY!
YEAH, SHOW HIM YOU CARE.
[LAUGHING]
May: YOU'RE MINE, FOREVER MORE!
WAIT!
[KISSING]
HE'S MY LITTLE POOKIE BEAR.
NOT POOKIE BEAR!
I AM ED!
HELP ME, GUYS!
SHE'S GOING TO
UGH!
Rolf: AHEM! WILL
YOU LOOK AT THIS!
THIS CONGEALED GRISTLE HAS
MARRED THE ONCE-PROUD SEARING GRILL.
AND HOW WILL YOU EVER
RESTORE ITS LUSTER?
A PROBLEM, YOU SAY?
NEVER!
AS THE URBAN RANGER WILL
MAKE IT PROUD ONCE AGAIN.
IS THIS GUY FOR REAL?
REAL OR NOT, THA
GUY'S WEARING A UNIFORM.
DREAMY!
EAR NIBBLING WILL GE
YOU 5 TO 10, YOU ANIMAL, YOU.
HURRY UP, MAY!
THERE'S A GUY IN UNIFORM
CLEANING OUR BARBECUE!
WHAT DO I CARE?
I'VE GOT A MAN.
PSST! FRET NOT, ED.
THE RANGERS HAVE ARRIVED!
HOORAY!
Kankers: WHAT A MAN!
WE CAN'T HELP YOU IF
YOU'RE NOT QUIET, SILLY.
HELP?
GOOD IDEA!
SHUT IT, OR I'll GIVE
YOU SUCH A PINCH!
OH, I KNOW!
I CAN DISTRACT THEM,
AND YOU GUYS GO FOR HELP!
WE ARE THE HELP, ED!
LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN,
FALLING DOWN, FALLING DOWN ♪
HUH? HUH? HUH?
HEY!
[PUNCHES]
Ed: HEY, GUYS, YOU WEREN'
SUPPOSED TO GET CAUGHT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THOSE GUYS GOT UNIFORMS
JUST LIKE THIS GUY'S.
Rolf: THERE WAS A SALE,
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
RANGERS, IMPLEMEN
EVASIVE MANEUVER!
CODE YELLOW.
[MAKING ANIMAL SOUNDS]
STAY STILL, AS THEY
CAN SMELL FEAR.
GET A SHOVEL, MAY.
LOOKS LIKE WE'LL
HAVE TO BURY 'EM.
FORGET IT!
MY BOYFRIEND NEEDS SOME LOVIN'.
HEY, WAIT!
THESE GUYS ARE FAKING.
I'M GONNA WET MY PANTS.
BUSTED!
LET'S GO.
NO!
I SAID, LET'S GO!
NOT WITHOUT OUR ED.
IF WE GET CAUGHT, YOU'RE GONNA
GET THIS UP THE SCHNOZZOLA.
THANK YOU, EDDY.
THAT'S NO WAY TO
CHECK IF THEY'RE DEAD.
MOM SAYS YOU GOTTA STARE AT 'EM.
Edd: BOY, I HOPE YOUR SKIN
HASN'T ABSORBED THE INK.
FROM THOSE PENS, ED.
COULD BE TROUBLE, MISTER!
DIDN'T YOU MISS ME, DOUBLE D?
OF COURSE WE DID,
ED. DON'T BE SILLY.
TURN AROUND, PLEASE.
WATCH MY BANDAGE, DOUBLE D.
ED! DID THOSE TROUBLEMAKING
KANKERS HURT YOU?
NAH. I DID THAT LAST WEEK.
LET ME HAVE A LOOK, ED.
IT CERTAINLY WOULD
HAVE HEALED BY NOW.
IS THAT A COOKIE?
Ed: YEP!
I SAVED IT!
THAT IS THE MOS
DISGUSTING, IRRATIONAL
IT'S NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK, ED.
I WAS WONDERING IF
THOSE URBAN LOSERS
WILL GET THEIR BADGE!
AT LEAST THEY TRIED, EDDY.
QUACK!
AND TO THINK, WE JUS
LEFT HIM WITH THOSE
Ed: OK, I AM OFF AGAIN!
A LESSON IN LIFE
I AM SURE I'll GET.
KISS YOUR FRIEND GOOD-BYE,
AS THE DISGRACE
AFFLICTED ON THE BODIES
OF THE URBAN RANGERS
SHALL BE AVENGED!
COWARDS!
OH, DEAR!
THAT'S IT, I'M DONE.
BUT, EDDY!
ROLF, WAIT! TAKE EDDY INSTEAD!
[HUMMING]
EEK! AAH!
AAH! OOH!
KINDA RUNNING ON
EMPTY, AREN'T YA, JONNY?
YEP. I'M POOPED, EDDY.
WELL, IT'S YOUR
LUCKY DAY, JONNY BOY.
WHY, WE AT ED'S BEDS HAVE A
TOP-NOTCH SELECTION OF MATTRESSES
FOR ALL YOUR SLEEP NEEDS.
ALL AVAILABLE AT A
SPECIAL ONE-TIME LOW PRICE.
BEDS?
Edd: THAT'S CORRECT, JONNY.
ALL OUR MATTRESSES HAVE
BEEN FULLY RECONDITIONED
WITH A COATING OF
EDDY'S VERY OWN
THEY'LL NEVER KNOW THEY'RE
STINKING JUNKYARD MATTRESSES PAINT.
Rolf: ED BOYS!
YOUR MATTRESS HAS
RUPTURED ROLF'S TAILBONE.
WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THIS
DOUBLE-CROSSING SLUMBER FLIMFLAMMERY?
WHAT'S IT TO YA?
RETURN ROLF'S MONEY!
AY-EE.
Eddy: MOMMY!
[GRUNTING]
Eddy: OW!
OF ALL THE ROTTEN, NO GOOD
HOW'S A GUY SUPPOSED
TO GET AHEAD IN LIFE
IF HE GIVES BACK ALL
THE MONEY HE SUCKERS?
HEY!
HMM.
[GRUNTING]
DOUBLE D!
UM, ED?
GUYS?
STAY CALM, EDDY.
THINK, THINK.
I KNOW! I'll HIDE IT!
DON'T GO AWAY, NOW.
HEY, GUYS!
HMM
I FOUND A LUCKY QUARTER.
JEEPERS.
YOU'RE A TOUGH NUT TO CRACK.
GUARD MY QUARTER WITH
YOUR TUSHY, MR. YUM YUM.
I'll GO GET SOME MUSCLE.
SARAH!
LOOKS LIKE FLUFFY
FORGOT HIS STUFFED RAT.
WHOA.
COOL.
[WHISTLING]
HUH?
OUCH.
TOUGH GUY, HUH?
MAN, THAT BITES.
HMM HEH HEH HEH.
I'll BE BACK.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DINGUS
PIERCING ROLF'S HOT-WATER SACK?
WHY WOULD KEVIN LEAVE HIS
HAT ON THE PAVED FOOTPATH?
A GIFT FROM THE GODS.
OBSTINATE COIN FROM
WHERE I DON'T KNOW.
PREPARE YOURSELF FOR
AN UNMERCILESS BEATING
BY ROLF'S SHOE!
HAD ENOUGH?
NO?
PERHAPS A TWO-SHOE BEATING
IS MORE YOUR VOCATION.
IS THIS A TEST?
TELL ME, LOST LITTLE RED CENT,
HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED
THE ALMIGHTY 3-SHOE BEATING?
TAKE THIS!
TAKE THAT!
ONE FOR THE ROAD!
Eddy: I'M TELLIN' YA,
IT'S JUST STUCK THERE.
HARD AS A ROCK.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Ed: LOOK, A SHOE!
DO YA THINK IT'LL FIT ME?
FORGET THE SHOE. IT'S
THE QUARTER I WANT.
AT WHICH POINT, EVERY
ATTEMPT WILL BE MADE
TO RETURN IT TO
ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER.
IN YOUR DREAMS.
FINDERS, KEEPERS.
LOSERS, WEEPERS.
NICE HEAD, HUH, EDDY?
GIVE ME BACK MY SHOE.
HMM Ed: NICE SHOE!
Eddy: GET OUT OF HERE, ED!
DON'T TOUCH ME!
Ed: TWO OF A FEATHER
STINK TOGETHER, EDDY!
CAN I HAVE SOME QUIET, PLEASE?
HOW ANYONE IS TO
ESTABLISH A CRITERIA
ON THE ADHERING CAPABILITIES
OF THIS INSULAR 25-CEN
PIECE IS BEYOND ME.
LET GO, YOU IDIOT!
AIN'T YOU DONE YET?
OUT OF THE WAY, DORKY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
Sarah: LOOK OUT!
SEE? THAT'S MY LUCKY
QUARTER, SARAH.
Rolf: GET AWAY FROM THERE!
WHOA!
AAH!
THIS TIME, ROLF WILL BE SERIOUS.
IT'S MINE!
I FOUND THE QUARTER!
SAVE YOUR BREATH, LOSERS.
THAT'S MY QUARTER.
TAKE A HIKE.
JIMMY FOUND THAT QUARTER FIRST.
I FOUND THIS SHOE!
[YELLING]
SHOES FOR THE TAKING, DOUBLE D!
Eddy: HANDS OFF MY QUARTER!
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE!
PEOPLE!
I MAY HAVE A SOLUTION
TO EVERYONE'S DILEMMA.
HEY, EVERYBODY, LET'S BE NICE.
SHUSH! DOUBLE D'S
GOT SOMETHING TO
MAY THE ONION OF AGONY
SOIL YOUR MACAROON!
ROLF'S BACK I
HAS BEEN HEALED!
THANK YOU, KEVIN!
BUT YOU ARE A NINCOMPOOP,
AS THE COIN IS MINE!
HEY, LAY OFF, IT'S MINE!
[AIR HORN BLARES]
DUDE.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO
DO, BLOW OUR HEADS OFF?
CRUDE, YET EFFECTIVE.
LET'S BEGIN, SHALL WE?
Edd: I TOOK THE LIBERTY
OF ORGANIZING YOU.
IN A MORE ORDERLY
AND CIVIL MANNER.
THE PERSON WHO SUCCEEDS IN
DISLODGING THIS MYSTICAL COHERED QUARTER
WILL BE APPOINTED TRUSTEE
AND BASK IN THE GLORY
OF FOUND LEGAL TENDER.
AND I'M FIRST IN LINE!
THIS STINKS! I SAW IT FIRST!
IT'S MY QUARTER!
IF YOU SMELT IT,
YOU DEALT IT, EDDY.
GO ON, JIMMY! YOU SHOW 'EM!
MY TRUSTY EYELASH CURLER
WILL PEEL OFF THAT PUPPY.
GOOD LUCK, JIMMY!
Jimmy: OWIE! JIMMY!
EYELASHES AIN'T THE ONLY
THING THAT THING CURLS!
MY TURN, MY TURN, MY TURN!
OK, WAIT, I'll JUST
OUT OF MY WAY!
OH, NO!
LOOK AT SARAH WORK THA
COIN WITH HER BIG MOUTH!
HEY, SARAH! I CAN
SEE YOUR UNDIES!
HA HA HA, NICE ONE!
KISS YOUR DREAMS
GOOD-BYE, 'CAUSE IT'S MINE.
WEASEL IN THE HENHOUSE, ED BOY?
YOU DARE CHEAT ROLF OF
HIS FRONTMOST POSITION?
FRONT? WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THE FRONT'S THAT WAY.
YEAH!
I'VE BEEN WATCHING
YOU AND IF YOU THINK
[MUSICAL HORN
PLAYS LA CUCARACHA]
MY BIKE!
AHA! MY TURN!
ROLF IS NEXT!
YAY, ROLF!
YOU HAVE MESSED WITH THE REST,
NOW THE BEST WILL MAKE A MESS!
IMPLEMENT THE
COMMERCIAL ENTERPRISE
AY! ROLF'S BACK IS
CRICKED YET AGAIN.
MY TURN!
WELL, THAT CAN'T BE
GOOD FOR ROLF'S BACK.
THE LIGHT DOESN'T GE
ANY GREENER, DOUBLE D.
YOU'RE AS GOOD AS SPEN
AFTER I SCRAPE YOU OFF
WITH MY SHOVEL OF DOOM!
AAH!
OK, WAIT. I GOT IT!
THIS TIME FOR REAL.
EDDY, THIS IS
OBVIOUSLY NOT WORKING.
Eddy: LOOK AT IT, DOUBLE D!
IT'S JUST BEGGING US TO TAKE IT.
COME ON, YOU MUST HAVE
THOUGHT OF A WAY TO GET IT BY NOW.
WELL, YES, I HAVE
GIVEN IT SOME THOUGHT.
I KNEW IT!
AND THEY'RE ALL HERE,
DOCUMENTED IN MY PROPOSAL
FOR THE SAID QUARTER REMOVAL.
THESE ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?
WE'LL NEED MANY SUPPLIES.
OF COURSE, I'll NEED HELP IN
SETTING THE GROUNDWORK.
Eddy: OH, ED!
STAY!
WAIT UP, DOUBLE D!
[BEEPING]
[SNORING]
[WHISTLING]
Jonny: LET'S CHECK
AND SEE, PLANK.
LOOK! IT'S STILL HERE.
AND YOU WERE RIGHT!
NO ONE FOUND I
UNDER THE QUARTER.
BUBBLE GUM SURE DOES TASTE
BETTER WITH AGE, HUH, BUDDY?
IS THAT JONNY? HELLO, JONNY!
YUM, YUM, BUBBLE GUM!
GUM? IT WAS JUST A WAD OF
HEY! GET BACK HERE WITH
MY QUARTER, MELONHEAD!
I'VE HEARD OF SQUIRRELS
STORING THEIR FOOD, BUT GUM?
I MEAN, THAT'S JUST PLAIN KOOKY.
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
ED, COULD I PLEASE
HAVE MY SHOES BACK?
YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE, DOUBLE D!
WHAT THE HEY!
GIVE ME MY SHOES!
WHAT CAN YOU DO
WHEN YOU LIVE IN A SHOE
AND YOU AIN'T GOT NO SOLE?
Edd and Eddy: ED!
ED, EDD N EDDY.