Felicity s04e04 Episode Script

Previously on Felicity.
I am not comfortable, and neither is your mother, subsidizing this lifestyle.
Fine.
I don't want you pay for this.
I will pay for this myself.
- That's not what I'm saying.
- It's what I'm saying.
"Sunrise Surprise Beauty Pageant.
First prize: $10,000.
" I guess that if I don't annul my marriage to Sean, I'm cut off.
- Are you serious? - Don't tell Sean.
I cheated on Ben.
With Noel.
He doesn't know.
- What are you doing? - I'm just getting dressed.
- Hurry up.
I gotta do you a makeover.
- Yeah, I'm coming.
- Okay, no.
- Why? I like this one.
This is a beauty pageant, not the Olympic trials.
You gotta wear a stringy number.
- I don't wanna wear anything stringy.
- Hey! - What's going on? - Nothing.
- She's a contestant - Javier.
In the Miss Sunrise Surprise Beauty Pageant.
You would have told her eventually.
- Don't tell anyone.
- You are in a beauty pageant? It's my last chance for scholarship money.
The only reason I'm doing it is because there's an academic prize.
Oh, my God! Seriously, this is okay, right? Do you have something a little more - Stringy? - Yeah, stringy.
Stringy.
I'll look for something a little more stringy.
* Can you become * * Can you become * * A new version of you * * New wallpaper * * New shoe leather * * A new way home * * I don't remember * * New version of you * * I need a new version of me * * New version of you * * I need a new version of me * I'm sure you've all had an opportunity to review your orientation packets, so you know that you have only three days to learn the opening number.
Apart from our regular rehearsals, I strongly suggest that you practice at home.
Also, don't forget we have a photo shoot at 11:00 sharp.
It's for promotional purposes, so hair and makeup will be provided.
Yeah, it's really different.
Huh? The colors really make your features pop.
Yeah.
And I'm telling you, a little dab of hemorrhoidal cream around the eyes gets rid of the puffiness.
- They Oh, thank you.
- I'm gonna go work on some other girls.
- Holler if you need anything.
- Okay.
You are beautiful! Oh, my God.
Hey.
- They go a little overboard, huh? - Yeah.
I mean, I've never been this made-up in my life.
Next time, tell 'em, no hairspray, easy on the eye shadow.
'Cause they love that stuff.
- I'm Sarah.
- I'm Felicity.
Have you been in one of these things before? One? Try eight.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's great for me.
I'm a singer, so it's great exposure.
I haven't been in one, so if you have words of wisdom Excuse me.
- I think this is my hairbrush.
- I'm sorry.
It was just sitting on This happened at Miss Empire State.
I never saw my Conair defuser again.
She said she was sorry.
I have to waste 20 minutes cleaning out your hair.
Hi.
Have you seen Felic - What they do to you? - I don't know.
See you at the photo shoot.
- All right.
Nice to meet you.
- Same here.
Now, don't get too close to these girls.
They're killers.
She was actually nice.
You know I love you, but you are so gullible, you're like a sea bird.
I scooped out the entire area, and you are the most gorgeous one by a million miles.
Except for this set decorator, who's like this Adonis - Javier.
- I'm just looking.
The point is, you are going to take home the crown.
We just have to do something about this hair.
If Elvis were alive, believe me, you'd be living in Graceland.
It's unusual for me to be doing this for a graduate.
I usually only work with current students, being the school guidance counselor.
I know, and I appreciate it.
I just I didn't know what else to do.
Outstanding G.
P.
A.
Lot of extracurricular.
- Oh, you were an R.
A.
- Yeah, yeah, I was an R.
A.
"Loser Pet Store.
" That's funny.
Why don't you have a job? Uh, well the dot-com industry tanked, and it took down computer graphics with it.
I just need a lead, or a tip or something, to help.
You know, people always need help, Mr.
Crane.
Yeah.
Well, that's Yeah, that's sort of why I'm here.
No, I mean help as in guidance.
Counsel.
I'm leaving, and this job is wide open.
You're offering me your job? Medical, pay's not bad, and no boss looking over your shoulder.
This chair is a hot seat of opportunities.
Every job that comes in, you're the first to hear about it.
Isn't that a conflict of interest? Great that you're putting the students ahead of yourself.
I used to do that.
I told you we were cutting you off from the family.
I meant entirely personally and financially.
I don't understand.
You know Sean.
You like him.
He has his own charm, that's true.
- But what does he do all day? - I don't know.
Things.
Stuff, I He has a great idea for a shrimp restaurant.
Restaurants are money pits, and shrimp's packed with cholesterol.
- It's worse than duck.
- Fine.
He'll think of something else.
He always does.
Honey, I know right now these schemes are fun and amusing.
But ten years from now, your friends will be married to successful lawyers and businessmen, and you'll be with this guy who's trying to come up with the next can opener.
Speaking of successful lawyers, I ran into John Eisendrath.
Dad He's an associate at Patterson-Belnap.
He gave me his card.
Call him.
Dad, I'm married now.
Sean is my husband.
You don't have to decide right away.
Take a little time.
Think about it.
Make sure this is what you want that you're ready to make this kind of a sacrifice.
Then let me know.
Okay, the interview portion is 40%, which you'll ace for sure.
Then the talent portion is 30%.
Do you know what you're gonna do? - What was that? - Hey.
I thought this was important to you.
It is.
I just I have a lot going on right now.
Makes school seem less important.
What are you talking about? I'm late.
Do you mean what I think you mean? Well, maybe it's just stress.
- I don't think so.
- Did you take a pregnancy test? I bought one yesterday.
I just - I'm just too afraid to take it.
- Why don't you take it now? Not knowing is the hardest part.
And I'm here for support.
Yeah, okay.
Thanks.
Mix it up, baby! What are you doing? I'm working on a new shrimp dish, for retail sale.
- That's what you did all day? Blend shrimp? - It's shrimp yogurt.
I got the greatest idea last night at the market.
There are no savory flavors of yogurt.
They got strawberry, cherry, vanilla.
But no shrimp yet.
Shrimp is a terrible idea.
It's full of cholesterol, and it's the duck of the sea.
Okay.
Uh, what's your problem? Nothing.
I hope ten years from now, you're - not hunched over blending shrimp.
- I won't be.
If this doesn't hit, I got zillions of ideas.
- You do? - Yeah.
- Good.
Good.
Write ten of them down.
We'll go over them tomorrow.
Wait.
Is this the way our marriage is gonna be now? - Me writing out lists for you? - Marriage is partnership.
I'm gonna be more involved now.
Get used to it.
Are you all right? Felicity? It's positive.
- Those tests are not 100%.
- Uh, they're pretty close.
You did use protection, right? - Yeah, yes.
- Then the chances are miniscule.
You can't panic.
You gotta take a blood test.
That's the only way that you can be sure.
- Oh I'm not ready for this.
- I know, but you're not alone.
No matter No matter what happens, we're all here for you, and I'm sure Ben will be I'm not gonna tell him yet.
He has enough going on now without this.
- So don't say anything, okay? - Yeah, sure.
- Do you promise? - I promise.
I wonder if the pageant has a category for pregnant women.
What's the matter? I'm just I'm an idiot.
Yesterday was the deadline to drop classes, and I forgot.
So they still think I'm taking classes I signed up for last year before I was premed.
If you go to the registrar's office and beg, they'll understand.
Yeah, I hope so.
Am I gonna see you tonight? Tonight's actually not that great for me.
Oh.
Okay.
I know I've been saying that to you a lot, - but there is a reason.
- What's the reason? You can't laugh.
I'm not gonna laugh.
The next few days are gonna be crazy, because I'm in a beauty pageant.
What was that? Yeah.
I'm in a beauty pageant.
- You're in a beauty pageant? - All the other scholarships were taken.
It was the last one.
All the deadlines were passed.
Sorry for laughing.
I'm having trouble imagining it.
Yeah, I know, believe me.
But the winner gets $10,000, which is a big deal.
- Not that I'm gonna win.
- You could win.
You could.
Please.
There's an academic portion for $3,000, though.
So I thought - Yeah, well, could I come watch you? - No! I'm embarrassed enough already.
I'm sorry for laughing, but don't be embarrassed.
You can tell me these things.
You can.
No, I know.
Just one last autograph for Uncle Sam.
I can drop these off on my way out.
Doesn't anyone need to approve me, or Nope.
Picking your replacement is the last perk of the job.
Oh.
Okay.
Good to know.
Uh, I think we've gone over everything.
But if you have any questions, the answers can be found somewhere in there.
You know, dealing with schedule changes, housing issues.
Filling T.
A.
Positions.
Oh.
Art 10 needs somebody.
You should get on that.
Art 10.
Okay.
Sure.
Hey.
- Meet your new guidance counselor.
- Are you serious? Yeah, Mr.
Norman was kind enough to offer me his job.
- Kindness had nothing to do with it.
- It's just till I find something else.
- Okay.
- Okay, good luck.
- You're leaving? - My work is done.
It's all yours now.
- Okay.
Uh, all right.
- I gotta drop some classes.
Drop some classes.
Um And when can I get the results back? They'll be ready tomorrow.
You can pick them up at any time.
Actually, I can't tomorrow.
I'm in a beauty pageant.
Really? Okay, here you go.
Sign right here.
And bring this back in when you come in, and I'll get you some literature you can look over tonight.
Maybe when you come back, you can bring your boyfriend, and we can discuss your options.
Actually, I'm kind of going through this on my own.
- So - Okay.
It's not an elongated stride.
Yet it's not a short stride, either.
Remember, girls, this is about poise and polish, not bump and grind.
Okay, who wants to try it? Come on.
- What are you doing for your talent? - Uh, I haven't decided yet.
That's okay.
Wait.
You haven't picked your talent yet? You do realize it's 30% of your score, don't you? Yeah.
Yeah, I know that.
Guess I know where my competition isn't.
Excuse me.
Do you have a problem with me? - I don't know what you're talking about.
- I haven't done anything to you.
And if you really want to know, I'm dancing.
I'm a dancer.
All of a sudden you're a dancer.
Actually, she's a great dancer.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I've been doing it since I was ten, so I guess I'm good.
Yeah, she's won lots of big, big awards.
Whatever.
You said ignore her, but it's getting really hard.
I understand.
Last year, at the Miss Coney Island Pageant, she put menthol cream in my bathing suit.
- Are you kidding me? - No.
And believe me, the package lied.
It's not soothing or relieving.
Are you really a dancer? I have no idea.
I haven't done it since I was ten.
Well, I would think that it's like riding a bike.
- You never forget.
- Yeah, it better be.
She makes me sick.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.
I came by to fix Elena's computer.
- Yeah.
- It's crashing, so I've never seen you dance before.
- You're really good.
- Yeah, Noel So, you're doing this pageant thing, huh? - Yeah.
- Elena told me that.
You all right? What's going on? I can't talk about it.
Look, I know that things have been difficult.
But But what happened between us is It's over.
Okay, it's in the past.
So just Noel, it's more complicated than that.
Okay.
I think I may be pregnant.
I'm waiting for the results from the blood test, but the home test was positive.
I haven't told Ben.
Okay.
And you're telling me because Well, because you think that i-it could be Yeah.
Felicity, I'm so sorry.
Noel, you should be looking at my computer.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
Can I look at it later? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Then I'll, um - I'll call you.
Okay.
Bye.
- Are you guys okay? - Yeah.
You told him what's going on? - You want to talk about it? - No.
Oh, my God.
Strawberry.
Strawberry.
- Strawberry.
No, vanilla.
- Charity work.
Taking yoga so I can keep myself centered and balanced.
- Charity work.
- To keep myself centered and balanced.
- Charity work.
- For me, it's all about the children.
If we can't make this world a better place for the next generation, then we haven't fulfilled our responsibilities as citizens of the earth.
Or any planet.
- I can't believe this.
- I know.
She's so good.
I'd have to say Rocky Road.
Joseph told me no matter what they ask, give them a safe answer.
Don't offend anyone.
They're talking about ice cream.
Okay, then say vanilla.
They want to see if you can speak in public.
They don't want a Miss Sunrise that drools when she talks.
Then it doesn't matter what I say.
Okay.
Say whatever you want to say.
Then when it's all over, you can call your daddy and ask him for the money.
- Fine.
Safe answers.
- Felicity Porter.
- Oh God.
- Good luck.
Break your legs.
I'd be an oak tree.
They're strong, and they have a lot of character.
And they're always changing.
At least, their leaves are.
And they're growing.
Miss Porter, what are your plans for the future? Specifically, how do you see yourself in the next five years? Um, well, I'm an artist.
At least that's what I'm trying to be.
So, it's kind of hard to know exactly what I'll be doing in the next five years.
I mean, that's something that I've sort of been struggling with recently.
I mean, I never thought I'd be here, like this.
Could you be a little more specific? No, I can't.
I'm sorry.
- Okay.
Thank you, Miss Porter.
- Thank you.
Samantha Wells.
- You were great! - I blew it.
No, don't be silly.
No, they'll respect your honesty.
Maybe not.
But we still have a chance.
All the big events are coming up.
All you need is a good night's beauty sleep, and tomorrow's bathing suit and evening gown competitions are ours.
And yours.
Okay, it's a Lucite, over-the-head reading table.
There you are, just laying there, reading books, on your back, in bed.
Look at that.
Huh? You know? No sore shoulder, no leaning on your elbow.
Okay.
A restaurant.
I got a restaurant called Before and After.
We only serve appetizers and desserts.
For those specialty occas Like the short quick dates.
Yeah.
- No? - It's good.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
Here's a great one.
It's a combination sleep mask/alarm clock.
Every mask has its own personal alarm in it.
So, you're just laying in bed, right? And b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b That's your face going off.
You're not bothering the person next to you.
You're just Oh! Time to get up.
You asked me for ten ideas, and I gave you more than that.
Why are you being so critical? I'm not being critical.
I'm being discerning.
I have to be.
If I'm gonna make this huge sacrifice, I have to make sure it's not a mistake.
Did you call me a sacrifice and a mistake in the same sentence? If I can remind you, getting married was your idea.
Yes, it was.
It's just that I'm giving up a lot to be with you.
- What do you mean? - Nothing.
Forget it.
No, not "nothing.
" What does that mean? - It's nothing.
It's stupid, anyway.
- Meghan, what does that mean? It's nothing.
It's just that my parents threatened to cut me out of the family in every way if I don't end this marriage.
I can't believe you didn't tell me about this before.
Am I supposed to tell you my dad wants me to be with John Eisendrath? Who's John Eisendrath? This dorky guy my dad's been trying to fix me up with forever.
His dad plays golf with my dad.
I'm I kind of thought your parents liked me.
The point is, my dad thinks I'm making a mistake.
Is that what you think? - Hey.
- Hey.
- I missed you last night.
- I had to stay late at the pageant, and now I got to leave again for rehearsal.
Is that the pageant I'm not allowed to go to? I don't want anyone there.
- Okay.
- I gotta go.
- Can I stay and do my lab? - Of course.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Bye.
Good luck.
- Thanks.
* There's been a load of compromising * * On the road to my horizon * * But I'm gonna be where the lights are shining on me * * Like a rhinestone cowboy * * Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo * * Like a rhinestone cowboy * * Getting cards and letters rrom people I don't even know * Ladies, ladies, I'm seeing some tired faces out here, all right? Remember, no matter what is going on inside, a beauty queen always smiles.
Always smile.
Good girl.
All right, from the top.
- Girls, that's nice.
- Where are we going? These things are like life.
Sometimes you have to cause a little trouble - in order to get things done.
- We're gonna get caught.
Come on.
Don't you think she deserves the power of the mentholated, fast, effective relief? - Yes.
- Yes! - Hey, man.
- Hey.
I didn't know you came down here.
Yeah, I I usually don't.
I just had a lot on my mind.
- Mind if I shoot with you? - No.
Go ahead.
Nice.
Here.
I would pay to see her when she puts on that suit.
I can't believe we just did that.
You got to admit, though, you had a little fun.
- Okay, fine.
I had a little bit of fun.
- Thank you.
- So, who's coming tonight? - What do you mean? Well, who'd you invite? My entire family's gonna be here.
Oh, no, my family's in California.
What about friends? I didn't invite any friends.
At least your boyfriend will get to see you in your cowgirl getup.
Actually, I didn't invite him, either.
Why? I guess I'm just embarrassed.
Yeah, well, I think that's why you need him here.
Someone to be with you, root you on.
My family will be here cheering their butts off, and it's gonna be fun.
But that's just me.
No, I know what you mean.
It's just, uh You know that guy in high school who's like the most popular guy on campus? - Of course.
I hate that guy.
- That's my boyfriend.
- No? - Literally.
He was voted most popular.
It's not that I hate the person.
I hate the concept.
Like a beauty queen.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Yeah.
It's just I wasn't popular at all.
And even though we've changed a lot since then, it always still kind of feels like high school.
Like, I'm waiting for him to realize who I really am, and once he does, he won't want me anymore.
Yeah.
I guess that's why I didn't invite him.
I don't want him to not want me.
Well, look.
Just remember.
No matter what you feel inside, a beauty queen always smiles.
- Nice shot.
- Thanks.
- Thanks for sticking around by the way.
- Yeah, I'm having fun.
- I just had to get out of there.
- Why? What's going on? Just got all that chemistry stuff and the drop/add stuff.
I'll take care of the drop/add stuff.
- Really? - Yeah.
Thanks, man.
- It's actually more than that.
- Yeah? What's going on? Felicity might be pregnant.
She told you? No, I found an invoice.
- Did she tell you? - No.
No.
She did tell you, didn't she? Why would she tell you? I don't know.
I guess 'cause we're friends.
I'm gonna go find her.
I gotta go talk to her.
See you in a bit.
Okay, who did this? - Good evening.
- Excuse me.
Have you seen Felicity Porter? Okay, thanks.
- Hey, I gotta talk to you.
- What are you doing here? Are you pregnant? Are you? I don't know.
I have to go to the clinic.
How do you know that? I found a form in your room, and I heard it from Noel.
- I'm sorry.
- I don't understand why you didn't tell me.
I know.
I should have.
I absolutely should have.
I just I panicked.
I mean You have so much going on right now, and I didn't want to bother you, and I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
- All right.
I'm gonna go now.
- Ben, will you stay? I don't know.
You're not gonna be too embarrassed? Yes, I'm gonna be incredibly embarrassed.
But it'll make me feel better if you stay.
Please? Okay.
Okay, now go.
Go.
Bring home the crown! Hi, Benjamin.
Hi.
I'm Marybeth Allen from Hofstra University.
Hello.
I'm Sarah Robinson from The Juilliard School.
Hi.
I'm Diane Migliore from Columbia University.
Hi.
I'm Felicity Porter from the University of New York.
Just so you know, you have no chance.
Well, let me tell you something, little girl.
You are going down.
We'll see.
* My heart's on fire with desire * * Every time I see you * * My heart's on fire 'cause you inspire * * Love at its utmost * * You're what I need the most * - * I'm ready for the test * - I'm on fire! * I'll show you my best * I'm only human anyway * I'm yours always * * I believe the children are our future * * Teach them well And let them lead the way * * Show them all the beauty they possess inside * * Give them a sense of pride * * To make it easier * * Let the children's laughter * * Remind us how we used to be * * Everybody's searching for a hero * * People need someone to look up to * * I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs * * A lonely place * And the award for swimsuit competition goes to Marybeth Allen.
Congratulations.
Good job.
Best evening wear goes to Felicity Porter.
Congratulations, Felicity.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
And the award for academic excellence goes to Rachel Newstat.
- Congratulations, Rachel.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
And now for our final two awards, the first runner-up and Miss Sunrise Surprise 2001.
Our first runner-up is Sarah Robinson.
Congratulations, Sarah.
Thank you.
And the winner of the 2001 Miss Sunrise Surprise Pageant and the $10,000 scholarship is Miss Denise Jensen! Congratulations, Denise! Oh! You were fantastic! Very good.
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- You look great, though.
Oh.
Who is that? Hey.
Best evening gown.
You got a $200 gift certificate to The Wiz.
That's good.
It is.
- You want to hear the better news? - Yeah.
What? I'm not pregnant.
Yeah, that is the better news.
- What did you do? Call the clinic? - I didn't have to.
I got my period.
That's good.
Hey, I know I already said this, but I'm sorry.
- And I'm glad you stayed.
- Glad I stayed, too.
For your information, there are two types of cholesterol.
HDL and LDL.
One's good.
It actually cleans out the bad, and shrimp's got both.
This isn't about shrimp.
No.
You should have defended me to your dad.
I did defend you.
I may not be some attorney, but I have ideas, hundreds, and they don't all have to work.
It's like marriage.
All you need to do is find the right one.
Right.
But you can't wait around.
Some people never stumble on the right one.
Well, I have faith that I have.
If you don't, then call John what's-his-name.
You're so You're so cute.
Cute.
Really? Am I cuter than John what's-his-name? Yeah.
I'm gonna call my dad.
I'm gonna tell him I don't want the stupid money.
How much money are we talking about? - A lot.
- That's too bad.
- Thanks for the call last night.
- I didn't want to leave you hanging, - thinking this thing had happened when it hadn't.
- Yes.
So, I came by because I have a solution to your tuition problem.
Noel, honestly, I can't take your money.
No, it's not that.
It's a T.
A.
Position.
Uh, for Art 10.
It wouldn't cover all your expenses, but it would pay for some of your credits.
The only hitch is it's down the hall from my new office.
Wouldn't that be weird? I don't think so.
I'm not offering you this because of what happened between us.
This is a position I have to fill.
It's my job.
And you'd be great.
I haven't even taken that class.
I mean Look, tell me this.
If we hadn't slept together, would you take this? Yeah, I guess.
Because you know I was being a good friend.
If you don't, that means everything's changed, and I don't want that.
I don't want to be somebody you can't be around.
Just think about it.
Okay.
I will.
- What are you doing? - I'm wondering how many layers of paint they put on to keep Norman from jumping.
If you hate the job, you'll quit, right? Definitely.
Did you bring the drop/add form? - Yeah, here you go.
- This is it? Wow.
- Yeah, sorry.
Sorry.
- It's okay.
Uh, thanks a lot for doing this.
Don't worry about it.
I fixed the head of poli-sci's laptop once for free.
Hey, I don't know if you know or not, but she's okay.
I mean, Felicity's not pregnant.
No, no, I didn't.
That's great, huh? - Yeah, it is.
It is.
- All right, man.
Here you go.
- Thanks.
- No problem.
Need some help with that window there? Uh, no.
I'll get it eventually.
Okay.
Maybe we'll go play some hoops later.
- Yeah, I'd like that.
- Okay.
I'll see ya.
* But when I listen to your voice * * I think you made the wisest choice * * It's so much better this way *