House of Lies s04e04 Episode Script

Previously on House of Lies: I can't really get over everything that's happened.
We need to just get through this transition, and then you should leave for good.
I have an idea for an app.
It's basically Uber, but with doctors.
With doctors.
Kind of brilliant, Kelse.
Get up and fuck your ovulating wife.
Use the Fuck Force.
Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.
It's time for Doug to take care of Doug.
Did you mean to say, uh, "Yo, girl, you're one crazy country"? We should "F" Doug in his "A.
" My money.
Sarah! Oh, my God.
Our boy, Ellis Gage Hightower, godhead of electric cars.
This piece of business is our ticket out of the shit shed.
You still stubbornly insist on being Ellis Hightower's slobbery lapdog? Is Dante Valerio trying to push me out? After I told you that I am carrying your baby, I can't believe that you have no reaction.
This is my reaction.
Aha! What'd you think? Illuminating.
Good, good, good.
Yeah, unforgettable.
Thrill ride of the summer.
If you only read one business plan this year, make it "Cost Analysis, "Marketing Orientation and Profitability Objectives for a GPS-Based Physician" Okay, you can stop.
So you didn't even read it.
No, I did not read it.
Because? Because business plans are just pages and pages of pseudoscience with the actual predictive power of a random number generator.
I know they're necessary to draw in money people, because money people are stupid, but they're total bullshit.
It's a good thing I didn't choose a career where that's pretty much all I do.
Hey, Kelse! Check this shit out.
Your boss wants you to check that shit out.
Dude, right behind you, there's a bee.
No, that was a woman.
I thought it was a really big bee.
I'm allergic.
So, how's your day job going? We'd better fucking make this work.
Yeah.
I'm gonna work I need you to babysit that useless PR woman Ellis hired.
We can't afford any hiccups at the town hall today.
Well, we can always just overwhelm the vagus nerve with another sensation.
That's how you cure actual hiccups, so Little Doug fact.
Just keep an eye out.
I should be to Gage by 1:00.
By 1:00? What, you're not flying up with us? No, I have a thing this morning.
Okay.
What do you mean, you have a thing? I mean I have a thing.
Okay.
What thing? I'm strapping on a dildo and fucking your mom.
I don't see how this is any of your business.
It's Ellis' first day back after prison.
Gage is preparing to roll out the new model today.
We're only at the most critical juncture on our most important consult.
But no, no, no-- go ahead.
You, uh, enjoy your tennis game.
Yep, 'cause that's what I'm doing.
I'm playing tennis.
What were you and Marty smoking when you decided to put so many eggs in one basket? With smaller clients and shorter gigs, we'd be seeing more fees sooner First of all, it was Marty who Gesundheit.
Fuck.
See, if I'd have known that was the strategy, I'd have never have agreed to defer so much salary while K and A Oh, my God, what's happening? I peed myself, Doug.
What? That's what's happening.
Thanks, pregnancy.
Look Dumpster diving isn't gonna make K and A a player again, but if we kick ass at Gage, then the future is nothing but lollipops and rainbows, okay? Doug? What's that? Really? Really what? My pee-soaked underpants intrigue you? No.
No! Why were you just lost in some sort of fucked-up reverie? What? No, I wasn't I was not.
Excuse me.
I just wasn't interested in listening to your bullshit rationalization right now.
Speaking of which, I would like all the salary I deferred right now.
Okay.
Hey, Marty, Doug wants us to pay him his entire deferred salary right now today.
That's nice.
So your boy, Ellis Hightower, called me at 3:30 in the morning.
He was on his way in to the Gage offices.
On foot.
Doesn't he lives in Tiburon? Isn't that like 20 miles? I'm so glad we tied our future to this guy.
I mean-- wait-- I'm so glad we tied our future to this guy.
All right, let's get going.
Okay.
I'm not, um Remember, I'm I don't fly up till this afternoon.
Oh, yeah, right.
She's got a thing this morning.
Something you don't need underpants for, apparently.
Give us a minute, Doug.
Sure.
Yeah.
Are you really not? No.
Oh.
Our baby is toying with my bladder.
What, did you want to? Just, with today being the big day, and Ellis being Ellis, and his détente with the board still fragile, I thought I can cancel this meeting with the headhunter.
Only because you know, she's a good friend, I can reschedule.
Oh, no, I I got that covered.
You don't have to worry about that.
We're good.
Okay.
No, great.
Great.
Then I'll see you this afternoon.
Okay.
Oh, hey, uh, before your meeting, you might want to purchase a pair of Yeah, I got it covered.
Okay, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You might want to get it covered.
No, I'll I'm gonna cover it.
I'm not gonna not wear And what we've accomplished thus far is nothing short of a miracle.
And so now we are once again poised to change the course of human history.
Yes! That's right! Wow.
You know what I think I like the most about your boy? Hmm? Is his humility.
For me, it's little-boy haircut, then humility.
Okay, say what you want, but he has got these people in the palm of his hands.
And look at the way he commands their attention.
It's almost Hitleresque.
- You back there - I wonder how Ellis matches up when it comes to world domination and Jew killing.
Jew killing.
Now, God rested on the seventh day, but we do not have that luxury.
We have a mission to fulfill.
So now I say let's get back to work and fulfill the Gage destiny.
Let's do it! Wow.
Did he just take God down for being lazy? Wow.
Even Adolf Hitler never sucker-punched the big guy, right? No, what I was saying is that Hitler had a compelling presence.
I'm Back me up, Marty.
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
I love Hitler.
That's my nigga.
You can't say it.
- I want to.
- I know.
You can't.
Hey, Monica.
Oh, hey.
You know, every time I turn around, there you are? I mean, I'm flattered, but That's funny, 'cause I feel like my teachers told me that the world revolved around the sun.
Public schools.
Yeah.
Idiots.
I'm actually here representing my firm's interests.
Oh, you forgot? Chairman of the board is a client.
What? Sinatra? Yeah.
What a get for Demark, huh? Oh Marty, you remember Dante Valerio.
Ring-a-ding-ding.
I'll be at the hotel if something comes up.
Okay.
And the snake slithers away.
A little paternal advice: after you've chased everyone off, there's no one else to blame if things go south.
Good luck today.
All right.
Who wants to go take a look into the fucking future? Uh Wait a minute.
Are you talking about the car? Because I wouldn't put it past you to have built a time machine.
Ah.
I wouldn't, either.
- It's possible.
- Yes.
Well You should come.
Sounds like a hoot.
Great.
Let's go.
Gentlemen? Yes.
All right.
So, this car of yours, does it have a backseat? It's really intended as a two-person vehicle.
The rear compartment's pretty tight.
Oh.
Well, the best rear compartments usually are.
Doesn't mean you can't squeeze in.
Okay, there she is.
Let's take a look.
Yes.
Let's do it.
Can I talk to you? Stop it.
Monica, Monica.
What? Whatwhat are you doing? Oh, don't worry.
I'm not going to fuck Ellis.
I know he's your special friend from prison.
I think you should, 'cause that's the only shot you got.
Is it? Is there going to be press at the town hall? Because Dante has been in such a chatty mood lately.
The war is over.
Your guy lost.
"I question whether Ellis Hightower possesses "the proper skill set and temperament "for the future of Gage as we move into this next stage of our evolution.
" Is that your Dante Valerio? Oh, do you think that that's gonna cause unrest among shareholders? Because I I think he could dial it up a notch.
What does Dante want exactly? Ellis gone.
That it? But he would settle for a three-year renewal on his chairmanship and acknowledgment at the town hall of the huge role he played in Gage's success.
Oh, that's very generous, but none of that shit's going to happen.
Here's what I can do for you: Gage sun visor and a key chain.
No way.
Yep.
I'll take it--and fuck yourself.
Great.
Hey, come listen, listen, listen.
How badly does Dante want to be on the wrong side of history? Because, if he comes out publicly against Ellis, all of that cred he's built up for the last three decades as being a fucking thought leader in technology-- bye-bye.
Oh, no.
You and I both know that this car is going to be met with a social media tsunami.
What the fuck is that?! So here's what you need to do.
I thought we fucking discussed this! What the fuck is that? Go tell your boy to bite his tongue, or he's going to look like a fucking idiot.
I think he's going to look like a fucking genius.
Want to know what I think of your fucking work? Ellis, Ellis, Ellis.
Exactly what I fucking think? Stop, man, what are you doing? Mr.
Hightower No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No! What is wrong with you? It's bigger than I thought.
- There's your bonus.
- Fuck, Ellis.
Don't you fucking say my name, I'm peeing.
That's okay, it's just a little urine-- that'll come right out.
Idiot.
Do we have another one of these or? Hey, Ellis Think about what you're doing! I know exactly what I'm doing.
What the fuck? No, no Fuck! Easy! No! Okay.
Whoa! Oh, God.
Fix that.
You could fix that.
Oh, it's so good.
How are you gonna fix that? Absolutely, I will, thanks.
Erin, it's so good to see you.
It's good to see you are having a baby.
Hopefully not right this minute.
So, like I said in my e-mail, I'm just exploring the idea of making a change.
With K and A emerging from the ashes, I feel like now would be a good time to see what's out there.
Huh.
What? I really wish you'd told me you were pregnant.
Because you would have brought a baby gift? You're an employer.
How would you feel if you invested precious time in a big new hire.
And then a month later, she was out on maternity leave.
- I would recognize that there are laws in place.
- Really? I can be back in three weeks.
Exhausted.
Distracted.
Missing meetings because your baby's got the sniffles or your nanny flaked.
So your nanny has never flaked? I'd built up a reservoir of good will.
Even still, having kids, it's limited me.
You're a fucking great headhunter.
So if a candidate isn't served up on a silver platter I'm an executive recruiter.
And I am fucking great at my job.
So am I.
So tell them that.
Tell them that baby or no baby, no one shrewder or smarter will walk through their door.
Tell them I am not going to be one of those mothers.
I will push up against the legal limits of neglect here, okay? There will be a seat filler at every Little League game, every ballet recital.
My kid is gonna walk around the house and go, "Who the fuck is that blonde lady?" I'm sorry, Jeannie.
I am just having trouble getting a read on this.
I'm not saying I never saw you with a kid; it's the timing.
With your company in flux, I figured you'd just Oh, that's nice.
Oh, don't act all hurt, okay? We've known each other for a long time.
If abortion clinics were Subway, you'd have earned a free sandwich years ago.
I've never had an abortion.
Okay.
I haven't.
Do you want my medical rec? I mean Erin You've always been so meticulous and driven about your career.
I don't get the "Why now?" I want it all.
Isn't that what every woman's looking for? Sure.
Well, it was nice catching up.
Look, I'm happy to put your name out there.
But my advice is wait to make a change.
Then, when you're in that sweet spot where you've taken off all the baby weight but your tits are still huge, give me a call.
That's probably smart.
You said it yourself.
K and A is rising from the ashes.
Enjoy the ride.
We are so fucked.
Yeah.
You know, at least you have a safety valve with your Kelsey venture.
That is right.
So, basically, just you're fucked.
So things seem to be proceeding apace with the app? They are.
They are, Douglas.
Great.
Hey, if you ever want me to have a little look at your business plan, I'd be happy No, we're good.
We're good, thanks.
Yeah, no problem.
Thank you, buddy, but we're good.
Good, that's good.
No need to have you on board.
Very good.
That is good, good is good.
But it's not great, and wouldn't it better to be great? I can't believe I never thought about it like that.
Yeah.
Maybe Yeah.
Maybe, I don't know.
Hey, you know, I just had a thought.
Yeah, please.
Can't wait.
I was just spitballing here.
But what if I came on board? Lended a hand? And you just had this thought? Yeah.
Right now, just You never thought about it before this moment? Bing.
It was like a little lightbulb.
That's what it felt like.
Wow, I didn't notice that, okay, cool, yeah.
I mean, getting a business off the ground, it's a bear.
It's tough, yeah.
It is really tough, you know? The more big brains, the better, am I right? And you've got the biggest brain of all.
Would you Stop, you're the living end.
Am I killing you? This is hilarious? Oh, my God, we could bottle this.
This, sure.
And we can.
That's the thing-- the two of us, side-by-side.
We'd rule the world.
You and I? Uh-huh, what's stopping us? Well, there is there is one issue.
Come on, what? I don't want to.
No, like, I really don't want to.
Ah, okay.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, I mean, obviously it's your it's your call to make, so Thanks, man, it is, and thank you very much for understanding, I appreciate it.
Ah, that's fine.
But I don't want you there, so That's fi Okay, you listen to me, you little pissant.
All right, you bring me on board, or I tell Marty.
I'll tell him how you're moonlighting.
How you're splitting your focus.
Hey, Marty, I'm actually, uh, developing a new piece of software with one of the coders from Yo Where's the Party App.
Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? - Okay, either one of you guys talk to Jeannie? - No.
I swear to God Answer the phone, Jeannie.
Answer the phone! What, is that one of those old-school answering machines where they can actually hear you? That's not the right time, Doug, shut the fuck up.
I did What are you talking about? Okay, do you want to guess what caused Ellis' little act of road rage? What is it? If you said the moldings on the gear-shift panel weren't rounded enough, give yourself a cookie.
Are you fucking serious? No, wait So, without a car to show, then there's no town hall? N-N-N-No, if there's no town hall, Ellis goes tits up.
And if he's dead, guess who else is Oh, beautiful.
Hey, Jeannie.
Where the fuck have you been? Looking for a new job since you want me gone from our company.
So maybe ease up on the throttle.
Listen, listen, listen.
Ellis literally took a piss on the prototype.
Okay, so So you are gonna high-tail your ass to Berkeley, and go whisper sweet nothings into Maya Lindholm's ear.
We talked about that when we booked the consult, but we dismissed it as a fool's errand.
Yeah, well, it's back on the fucking table, Boo-Boo, because we got no goddamn choice.
Good to talk to you.
Oh, wow.
People dreamed of doubling the density of the standard lithium ion battery, and you guys are quadrupling it? That's exciting.
Yeah.
Well, thanks.
And, actually, when you And still the intended.
MSRP is only 12 grand? You're actually building a zero-emission car that a working person can afford.
I applaud that.
I just don't understand.
How is it not gonna be a huge money suck? Well, each car will cost us $10,000 to manufacture Sure, that's what they'll cost once you have a significant unit volume, but how long is that gonna take, considering you have no physical plant, no distribution network, no technicians, no marketing I'm sorry.
Who are you here to see? - Did I not - Sorry.
Pregnancy brain.
Always.
I'm Jeannie Van Der Hooven.
Oh.
I'm a management consultant.
Oh.
Well, we're not at the consultant stage yet, Jeannie, but That's okay.
I'm not here to reel you in.
I am here on behalf of another client.
Ellis Hightower.
Okay, geniuses, now what? Well, the speculation has been that you're announcing a rollout.
But because we've kept this event shrouded in secrecy, we got options.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
So we just need a compelling reason for the town hall.
Yeah, something that's gonna land above the masthead of The Huff Post.
Look.
Okay.
Don't think.
Just say a name.
Mm-hmm.
Who's the best engineer that's ever worked here? Go.
Bam.
Are you thinking? So don't think, remember? The best engineer I ever worked with was Maya Lindholm.
- What does that have to do - Boom.
Boom.
That's it.
That's the one.
"Dynamic Duo Rides Again.
" Mmm.
Oh, boy.
"Gage Cofounders Reunite in Historic Partnership.
" Oh.
Ellis, do you see it? That, my friend, is a goddamn headline.
Yeah.
Or we go with this headline: "Gage Founder Chokes on Own Dick Before Ever Working with That Cunt Again.
" Are you kidding me? He has got a borderline personality.
He's a raging misogynist.
I hate his voice.
I hate his stupid macrobiotic diet.
And She blames herself entirely.
Yeah, she actually said that leaving here was the biggest mistake she ever made because I lost millions in stock options, but I thank God every day that I don't have to work with that pompous asshole.
Ha.
She never embraced the notion that this company's on a divine mission to reshape the universe.
Not to mention he's really warmed to the idea of serving a low-end market.
Ellis loves your car.
Here's another headline: "Gage Founder Again Chokes on Own Dick "Before Building Any Version of Maya's Cheap Ass Electric Crap Box.
" You don't think Japan is gonna reverse engineer your technology in a nanosecond and flood the market? Probably with a ludicrous markup, too.
With Gage, you're up and running in a heartbeat.
It'll never see the light of day.
Once Maya's on board, just bury the car.
Come on.
You don't think you can roll her? Listen, get her down here.
You do whatever the fuck you want.
Right.
And you will have full operational control.
I won't even consider this if I don't have it.
- You'll have it.
- You still want to be running a company tomorrow? We got no other moves.
Fine.
Fine.
Hey, I just hit 7-Eleven, and, huh, look what I got.
Baby Ruth.
I don't think you can eat in here, Doug.
It's your favorite, though, right, Clyde? Yeah.
I'd give you some, but, uh, guess what, I don't want to.
No, I really don't want to.
- What are you doing? - Mmm.
Oh, this is gonna be good.
Excuse me, sir? He's got food.
Don't Excuse me, sir.
You can't, you can't eat this in here.
Yeah, I understand that.
You can't eat in here.
It's not, it's not about eating.
It was about proving a point.
"You can't eat this in here" is what he said.
Mm-hmm.
I got it.
You're a dick.
You know that? Because I won't let you join my company?! It's a business, not a weekly poker game.
Which I also have and you also can't join.
You know Sarah left me and you have never asked me once how I feel! You wanted her to go.
She wiped me out! Not a cent left in my bank account.
My car, my furniture.
She sold my bird.
She she sold your bird? Well, he's gone! He could just be gone! It's not funny, Clyde.
It's pretty funny.
She sold It's not funny! All right.
Okay.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
Sincerely, Doug, I am sorry that happened to you.
I have nothing, Clyde.
I mean it.
Nothing.
Chances are this app won't make any money.
Most startups don't.
It's not even about the money.
I mean, it's probably a little bit about the money.
Obviously, a part of it is the money because I need money, you know.
But I'll discuss it with Kelsey.
Really? Yeah.
I don't want to, but I will.
Just got off the phone with Jeannie.
She and Maya will be here any minute.
Okay.
That's good.
What are you guys babbling? Will you please welcome Gage founder and CEO Ellis Hightower! Here we go, here we go You're the champion, here we go, here we go You're the champion, you're the champ Here we go, here we go You're the champion, you're the champ You're the champ, you're the champions You're the, you're the, you're the Where's your boy? Dramatic pause Fuck us.
Ellis? Ellis? Hey, Ellis? Ellis, is? Is there somebody you want me to call or some-some meds I can locate? Oh, no.
Listen, buddy, I know that you've been under a lot of pressure, okay? But if you could just get it together, and we could get right out there My father is dead.
Oh, God.
Aw, shit.
I'm sorry.
When when did you find out? Nine years ago.
"Nine years ago.
" I'm okay.
I'm strong.
Strong motherfucker.
That's right.
You know what matrix tortuosity is? I-I do not, no.
No one does.
Well, then But my father? He was the world's foremost expert.
He was the toast of Caltech.
Ah.
Fucking egghead shitheel.
He always thought I was an intellectual lightweight.
What? More of a salesman, he said, than a real thinker.
Yeah, yeah.
How about we get out there and, you know, and you put all that into the speech When he was dying I went to the hospital.
And I showed him the blueprints that Maya and I had devised for our first car.
He said I was smart Hey! to hitch my wagon to a real scientist.
Told him to go fuck himself.
Mm-hmm.
And he didn't get me.
But he did get me.
He totally got me.
Oh, come on.
You said it yourself.
I'm nothing without Maya.
No! I wanted Giant piece of shit! Oh, no, listen I should be shot! Ellis, I listen.
I was just trying to-to-to buck you up, man.
You know? Fuck.
I'm nothing.
There, there.
You know, Ellis' behavior isn't actually that strange.
Hitler was known for having similar outbursts.
Yeah, in fact, the Germans even had a term for it.
Yeah.
Teppichfresser.
Yeah, a lot of great men have tantrums.
Just so you know-- that's your second positive Hitler reference of the day.
I'm using "great" in the sense of historically important.
Sure.
No need to get defensive.
I'm sure some of my relatives who were put to death by the Nazis were total douche bags.
Yeah.
Thank you.
There she is.
Where's Maya? She'll be here in a sec.
Why are you in the? Uh, town hall's been put on hold due to technical difficulties.
The "technical difficulties" being? The founder of the company is currently in the second floor stairwell crying like a baby.
Hold these.
Well, this is fucking adorable.
Yeah, Ellis is, um a little down.
I'm a fraud! I'm a poser! My dad was right.
Dante Valerio was right.
I'm a fucking Jesus Christ, grow a pair.
Jeannie Move.
Here, we're gonna let Mama come in here, okay? All right, all right.
Listen.
You are a flawed deeply, deeply flawed human being, but they're not right.
When you start believing in them, when they get to you, when you're crying in a goddamn stairwell I'm not crying.
I'm that's when the assholes start popping champagne corks.
That's when it happens.
They don't get to win.
Okay? So, wipe the snot from your nose.
Get back out into that auditorium.
Or I'm gonna beat the living fuck out of you.
What? Did you think I was joking? She's Ooh! Fuck! What are you doing?! Stop it! Stop it! Marty, Marty! Don't think she's gonna stop it Don't think she's gonna stop, buddy.
Okay, let's rally.
There you go.
Get in there.
Sometimes the boldest step into the future is to remember what made the past so memorable.
Which is why today I am thrilled to announce that Gage is entering into an exciting new partnership.
Does anyone else smell patchouli? Yeah.
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, oh, my God, it's Maya Lindholm.
Now we just have to get them to officially come to terms.
Oh.
I can't see how that could be a problem.
Yeah.
Today's announcement is a victory not only for Gage, but for environmentally conscious innovation.
And I cannot wait to see what bold leaps forward these two great visionaries have in store.
We somehow managed to pull that rabbit out of our ass.
Huh.
Jeannie want a pat on the head? I know you couldn't have done it without me.
I guess that'll have to be enough.
I presume you came to gloat.
Okay.
So it's like old times? We both know that I am not the one you want to anger-bang right now.
Oh, oh, oh.
Is she loud like this? Or is she more of a squeaker? Oh.
I know I betrayed you, Marty, but I I'm still your precious Jeannie Bean.
Oh, yeah, it just feels so right.
Oh, it's like your dick was custom-built for my little perfect pussy.
Oh Oh, yeah, just make me whole, Marty, please.
Just make me whole.
I do the devil's work seven days a week Ah.
I'll go to church, I'll make my peace On the other hand I'm a prideful man