Jane the Virgin (2014) s04e04 Episode Script
Chapter Sixty-Eight
1 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, friends, you'll recall Jane was dating Adam, whose life was slightly different from hers.
But it was going great.
He even bonded with Jane's son, Mateo.
Don't hurt her feelings and don't die, okay? - LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Unfortunately - I'm panicking.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Speaking of panicking, Rafael was so desperate to get his hotel back from his sister, Luisa, that he made a secret deal with hotel financier Katherine Cortez.
And Katherine was super into him, and he was, well, trying to convince her he was on the same page.
So Rafael made a big move.
But little did he know Luisa had plans of her own My name is Carl.
Rose sent me to help you get the money quicker.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: thanks to this creep.
I know, straight out of a telenovela, right? Well, imagine this.
Jane's father recently got back together with her mother.
Only complication: his ex, Darci, just gave birth to their daughter.
Oh, and she also fell in love with his archrival, Esteban.
I know, crazy, right? So let's see what happens next.
When Jane Gloriana Villanueva was 28 years, two months, and 12 days old, she met her baby sister for the first time.
But it wasn't until five days later that they had their very first photo shoot.
So cute.
Love it so much.
Jane, your sister found her light.
I need you to find yours.
- Great.
- (CAMERA SNAPS) Okay, not, let me see you smile.
More.
More.
With your eyes.
As I taught Tyra Banks, you have to smize.
- Got it.
Perfect.
- Great.
So that's a wrap? - Yes.
- Okay.
On that costume.
Um, well, uh, how many of these are we doing? Oh, we'll go as long as your sister has stamina.
Okay time for eggs! ROGELIO: Can you curl up and make yourself a little smaller, Jane? You just look so big next to her.
She's 18 inches long.
Smaller.
If you don't believe you're a bear, I won't believe you're a bear.
Come on! Get in touch with your mama bear instincts.
Good! All right, everybody out.
- Closed set.
- Why? Oh, it's time for your naked shot.
- Your little bums side by side - Okay, photo shoot's over.
DARCI: Oh I don't buy Jane as a bear, but the baby's killing it.
No posting, though.
Oh, of course not.
There's a complete press and social media blackout on the baby until we do our own photo shoot - for the birth announcement.
- Fine, but we can't send out an announcement until we settle on a name.
And again, it's a hard pass on Rogeliana.
Then what's your pitch? Because Darcella is also out.
Agreed.
We both have to love it.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow.
Looks like things are actually pretty good between the two of them.
Actually, I had an idea.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I mean, the three of them.
And it is a beautiful name.
I really love it.
Don't let the fact that it came from me stop you from embracing it, Rogelio.
Just get it over with.
BOTH: One, two - Amada.
- Amada.
Hmm.
I actually like that.
Right? - So do we have a winner? - Hold up.
I mean, would I buy a Lamborghini without driving it first? - You can't afford a Lamborghini.
- The point is I have to take it out for a spin first and see how it feels.
I felt ridiculous, but the pictures are actually cute.
- (CHUCKLES) - I was thinking I could text one to Adam.
Like, with no context.
Like, me, "Hey," coming out of an egg.
You really don't think I should? I think you told me not to let you reach out for a week.
Yeah, but isn't four days enough? You said to say no.
And I do think a week of space is good.
You guys moved so fast.
You have to take a beat and think about where you're heading.
I know.
I mean, I get why he panicked.
Thinking of having a kid around is different than actually having a kid around.
- (CHUCKLES) - (MICROWAVE BEEPS) I just like him so much, Ma.
Great.
He's just on a deadline.
Can you tell Mateo that his ice cream's ready, please? - Mm-hmm.
- Gracias.
She just started liking him.
If everything works for us, I don't want to go backwards.
I want two scoops.
(CHUCKLES) You know the rules.
Only one.
Daddy's friend lets me have two.
Which friend? I think Kathord? "Kathord"? Katherine? When did Mateo meet Katherine? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aka Kathord.
- Last week.
- I thought you were gonna end things with her.
I never said that.
You assumed.
Well, I certainly didn't assume that she'd be meeting Mateo.
- Well, he had just met Adam, so - That was an accident.
And you insisted on sitting down with him to make sure that he was a good influence.
Oh, you want to sit down with Katherine? Look, it was a casual thing.
And I get that you're upset that it happened It didn't just happen.
You decided to do it.
And then you decided not to tell me.
Because I knew you'd react like this.
And honestly, I thought it'd be easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
Is that what you're doing right now? Begging forgiveness? Yes, Jane, I am.
I am sorry I didn't - talk to you first.
- Oh, stand up.
You don't have to get down on one knee.
I was doing a lunge.
- Oh.
- Look, it was a quick meeting, okay? It's not like she's suddenly gonna be a big part of his life.
Well, if that changes, will you tell me? Yes.
XIOMARA: So, please let me know, because we'd love to have Kayla in dance class this semester, but the session's almost full.
Thanks.
Well, that's great news.
Session's almost full.
I thought you said enrollment was down.
It is.
I just said that to pressure them.
I keep losing students to Stage Sensations.
Stage Sensations The next generation Of singing and dancing And acting sensations.
ANNOUNCER: Coming soon to a mall near you.
I'm sorry you're stressed.
And so is Amada.
Who's Amada? It's a name we're trying out.
Would you like to hold her before Darci picks her up? I heard that holding a newborn for a few minutes actually makes you more relaxed.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, I'm guessing he didn't hear that from a stay-at-home parent.
Next time.
I've got, like, a million calls to make.
SONIA: What are you staring at? Oh, yeah.
My customer's hot.
I think your customer's Jeffrey Mullins.
Let me see his receipt.
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
It is Jeffrey Mullins.
He is a huge New York literary agent.
Ooh, so cute and rich.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Book agent, not movie agent.
Made that mistake once.
You don't understand.
This is kismet.
I've been talking with my editor about meeting with an agent before my book comes out, and here's one of the biggest in the country, and Why is Petra air kissing - Jeffrey Mullins right now? - Hmm.
Oh! Petra, hey.
(CHUCKLES) You know Jeffrey Mullins? He has a house in Palm Beach.
We've been to about a million fund-raisers together.
He's really into saving dolphins or sea monkeys or something.
Honestly, it's hard to focus on what he's saying.
- He's so handsome.
- I would love to meet him.
Like, really love.
Because he's a book agent.
Oh.
Oh, that's right.
- You're a writer.
- Yeah, right.
I'm a writer.
So, can you introduce me to him? I'll do anything.
- Sure.
I'll set up a meeting.
- Oh.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hmm, that was easy.
- What? - I just expected a little more pushback.
Yeah.
Usually I'd try to get something.
Well, I guess since we're both over Rafael, there's not much to fight about, right? No more drama.
I like that.
No more drama.
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
(BOTH SCREAM) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Is it just me, or does that seem like a bad omen? What is that? Are those ? Oh, my God.
Termites.
- (PEOPLE SCREAMING) - Ugh! JANE: I feel like they're all over me.
(SIGHS) - (VIDEO GAME BEEPING) - What? - Mateo.
- (BEEPING STOPS) - Where did you get this? - I can't remember.
- What do you mean, you can't remember? - What's going on? Daddy, don't worry.
I didn't tell her who it was from.
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING) I'm sorry, Mateo.
You're too young for this.
- (BEEPING STOPS) - Mommy, that's mine! It was a gift from Kathord.
- Well, you shouldn't have been given it.
- Give it back! I want it back this very minute! I'm going to give you some time to calm down, Mateo.
Now! Now! Now! Do you need some time to calm down? She gave him an iPad, and you told him to lie about it? I didn't tell him to lie.
I just told him not to mention it.
Kind of like a joke.
Wait, you're justifying this? I didn't know she was gonna give it to him.
But a lot of kids have them, so it's not that big of a deal.
- Except we have a no screen rule.
- No.
You have a no screen rule that I went along with, but you know what? I've changed my mind.
I am fine with them.
Too bad.
My house, my rules.
Then maybe I shouldn't live here anymore.
Great.
You can leave right now.
Perfect.
I'll go stay with Katherine.
Terrific.
Maybe if you're a good boy, she'll buy you an iPad.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Whoa! Looks like Jane really got in touch with her mama bear instincts.
LATIN NARRATOR: As you all well know, in the animal kingdom, it's kill or be LUISA: Quiet.
I'm thinking.
About what? You did great.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: You remember - this creepy dude, right? - (INHALER PUFFS) - Sent by Rose to help Luisa.
- Phase one complete.
You released the termites.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hmm, I thought his plan would be a little more sinister, honestly.
- Now, all you have to do next is - (KNOCKS) Hey! No one can see me.
(SCOFFS) Petra, what can I do for you? - Can I come in? - No, you can't.
Um I'm in the middle of giving myself a a breast self-exam.
Once a month.
So important.
I'm gonna stay on you about that.
Well, I just wanted to update you on the termite plan.
The guests are being relocated to the Fairwick.
Hopefully, we can keep the kids club open.
And as far as getting rid of the termites goes I called the exterminators.
We need to fumigate immediately.
They're coming tomorrow.
Wow.
Yeah.
G great.
Thank you for taking care of that.
I'll let you get back to your exam.
Hey.
I was wondering if we can talk for a minute? Of course.
Should we take a walk? Get some air, avoid some termites.
- Sounds perfect.
- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow.
These two have really turned a corner.
So, I am worried about Rafael.
And mad, too, but mostly worried.
Why? What's going on? He's just not acting like himself.
And, well (SIGHS) I think he's going into one of those self-destructive periods.
I mean, this Katherine woman is the worst.
He can't go into business with her long-term.
But whenever we talk, we end up fighting, and I was thinking that maybe together, we can get through to him.
No.
Absolutely not.
- What? - In fact, not only would I not talk to him about Katherine, but I want you to stay out of it.
Understood? - Excuse me? - This deal is on the verge of going through.
This is not about the hotel.
Okay, how's this? If you want me to set a lunch with Jeffrey Mullins, you'll leave Rafael alone.
So, basically, she just wants you to not say anything to Rafael for a couple of days until he signs this contract with Katherine? Exactly.
And Rafael wants you to stay out of it? Right.
Yes.
So stay out of it.
And go to the Jeffrey Mullins meeting, and don't feel bad about it.
- Really? - Yes.
Which is obviously what you want to do, because you came to me for advice instead of Abuela.
She might give you more of the morality crap.
ROGELIO: Ah, yes.
Alba, the wise old owl.
I'm sorry, what? That's what I landed on for her photo shoot.
Alba has such incredible wisdom to share, so she's going to be an owl.
This is my inspiration - Wait, what happened to "Amada"? - Unfortunately, I had to move on.
Ryan Gosling has a daughter named Amada, and I don't want to make the notorious Gosling-De La Vega rivalry even worse.
Uh, I'm sure Ryan will appreciate that.
I know, yeah.
And for you, Xo I was thinking, "unlikely-but-enduring animal friendships.
" They might not be blood related, but they are deeply bonded.
It is an homage to your stepdaughter-stepmother relationship.
Did any animals leap out at you? Not really.
You choose.
Okay.
Wish me luck.
I'm putting up flyers for the dance studio.
(SIGHS) Hey there, Crystal.
Oh.
Hey, Xiomara.
I heard you opened a dance studio.
I heard you opened a vocal studio.
Well, you can have this pole if you need it.
My enrollment is off the charts.
Then why are you putting up flyers? The longer the wait list, the more exclusive the club.
Word on the street says your numbers are down.
Yeah, well word on the street says LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And then, friends, the strangest thing happened.
That's true.
- What? - You must be more successful, Crystal, because that place Stage Sensations is killing me.
Stage Sensations The next genera God, I hate that freakin' song.
I'm going into business with Crystal! - Who's Crystal? - From high school.
Slutty Crystal? - I don't call her that anymore.
- Since when? Since we decided to go into business together.
But you guys hate each other.
We used to hate each other.
But we actually got to talking and instead of competing, we're going to combine forces.
Increase enrollment while reducing costs.
You know, kill two birds with one stone.
But what if the two birds peck each other to death? Oh, stop.
We're over it.
And she actually has some really great ideas.
Turns out Slutty Crystal is really Entrepreneurial Crystal.
- (PHONE CHIMES) - Right.
Oh.
Wha (SIGHS) (SIGHS) LUISA: I don't think I can do this.
You can.
What if someone gets hurt? The hotel's gonna be evacuated.
That was the whole point of the termites.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, that makes more sense.
All you have to do is steal a piece of tubing from the fumigator.
Then you'll coat it in an accelerant, you'll wait till the hotel fills with fumes, you light the tubing and you throw it in the hotel.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, is that all? Now is not the time to look back.
You need the insurance money, right? That's what you said.
If I ever get caught, you need to deposit $100 million into my account here in the Caymans.
That'll initiate my escape protocol.
Okay, let's do it.
Let's burn the hotel down.
- Jane! - JANE: Oh.
Hi there, Katherine.
So, I heard you weren't happy with the gift I gave Mateo.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Remember, Jane, don't interfere.
Think about Jeffrey Mullins, noted book agent to minor stars.
It's fine.
I I know you meant well.
I just really like to limit Mateo's screen time.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well done.
Okay, look, that's not why I'm really here.
Are you gonna be a problem for Rafael and me? - Excuse me? - Because it seems like you tend to overstep your bounds.
So I just wanted to make sure you're not going to get in the way, long-term.
No.
I'm not.
She's the worst, Abuela, honestly.
Nothing.
He's just using her to get his hotel back.
- - Yeah.
And it's not going to end well, I can feel it.
I tried.
But he told me to stay out of it.
And Petra said if I don't stay out of it, she's not introducing me to this big literary agent.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which, for the record, is the advice Jane wanted.
Which is why she went to Abuela this time.
Every time we talk, we fight.
So I was thinking that maybe I can write him a letter? NARRATOR: Which is pretty much exactly what Jane knew she would say.
That, too.
And so, write Jane did.
- - And trust me, friends, - the letter was epic - and poignant and Mommy, I have a question.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Damn, Mateo! Way to interrupt her flow.
- MATEO: Hi, Adam.
- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wait, what? Adam, hi! It's me, Mateo! - ADAM: Hey, buddy! - You promised me you'd show me your comic books.
Can I come over now and see them? JANE: Oh.
Nope.
Can you come here.
(GRUNTS) (LAUGHS) Oh, my gosh.
Uh, hi, Adam.
I am so sorry.
Uh, Mateo snuck off with my phone.
I don't even know where he learned how to FaceTime.
Daddy's friend Katherine showed me.
NARRATOR: Geez, does this woman moonlight at the Genius Bar? So can we go? Uh, fine by me, but it's up to your mom.
You don't have to Aw, come on.
Swing by for a quick visit.
Yay! We're coming! Oh! (SIGHS) Wow! - - This place is awesome.
- Ah, just be careful, no running.
- ADAM: Oops.
Sorry, buddy, that is a first edition.
Look at these action figures.
Cool, huh? Thanks for having us over.
I know it's not a week yet.
One more day.
I'm glad you're here.
I've been, uh, been thinking about you a lot and missing you.
Yeah? Me, too.
MATEO: Look at me! I'm a superhero! Okay, Mateo, be careful.
Pow! Zam! Okay.
We'd better get going.
I don't want to go! Well, it's time.
Adam invited me! He doesn't want me to go! LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I wouldn't be too sure about that.
You can stay a little longer, if that would See? I'm not going! Yes, you are.
Right now.
No, no, no, no, no, no! Hey, you better listen to your mom, buddy.
Be quiet! I hate you! I hate you! Sorry.
I hate you! KATHERINE: How do you really feel about me? What? What are you talking about? Oh, I ran into Jane, and she gave me the sense that you don't see us as a long-term thing.
- She said that? - No.
But I could tell she was thinking it.
Well, maybe she's just jealous.
Ignore her.
I wish I could.
It's just when you have money, it's hard to tell if people want you or they want your lifestyle.
I completely understand.
I had a lot of money, remember? Yeah.
Still I know this is a great deal.
But deal aside how do you feel about me? Because if you don't have real feelings, you can just tell me and we'll go our separate ways.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And in that moment, friends, Rafael's animal instincts kicked in.
He just needed to survive.
We are not going our separate ways.
Look, I didn't want to say this so soon, but I'm falling for you, Kitty.
(EXHALES) (SNIFFS) Hey, Adam.
I'm I'm sorry again about earlier.
ADAM: No, no, it's fine.
Look, I know we decided to think about things for a week, and it's only day six, but can we just bag this whole time apart thing? - What? - Well, um unless you're over me.
No.
I I'm I'm just surprised, after what happened with Mateo.
It was cool, actually.
I realized I can put up with that, easy.
Oh.
Yeah, um I I I don't want to be with somebody that can just "put up" with my son.
Well, no, that's not what I meant.
I meant that it's worth it, for you.
I don't want to feel like I'm being tested every time we're with Mateo.
No, it's coming out wrong.
You won't.
I will.
- I misspoke.
- JANE: I know.
But it's still true.
Look, Adam, I I think that we should One more day.
- What? - ADAM: We said seven days, so you can't break up with me today.
Just think about it one more day, okay? Please, Jane.
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll talk tomorrow.
ROGELIO: Who has the best husband in the world? You do! Because the soundstage has been officially booked for your promo video shoot.
Aw, Rogelio! And I was able to scrounge up some tasteful, yet very dazzling wardrobe options, so you and Crystal will have plenty to choose from.
Thank you, Best Husband in the World.
And since you'll be on set anyway, would it be easier for you if I just schedule your photo session with the baby for right after? Uh, you know, I'd rather not.
It's gonna be really hectic that day, and my head's gonna be totally in the game for the video shoot.
I got to call Crystal.
(SIGHS) You may not have picked up on it, but your mother hates Delilah.
Who's Delilah? The baby.
Are you saying you don't see her as a Delilah? No.
Uh, it's cute.
And Mom doesn't hate her.
Really? Because she hardly looks at her, she doesn't want to hold her, and she clearly doesn't want to do the photo shoot.
Dad, you have to remember that Mom didn't really want a baby in her life, so it's gonna take some time for her to warm up to Delilah.
Yeah.
I don't like it.
Well, you don't have much of a choice if Mom needs time.
No, not that.
Delilah.
I hate it.
Don't ever use it again.
Matelio, what do you think your aunt's name should be? How about Pee Pee Pants? - Mateo.
- Okay, Poo Poo Pants or Dirty Diaper.
Mateo, where do bathroom words belong? In the bathroom.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, Toilet Plunger or Diarrhea Poo.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: The kid's a potty mouth thesaurus! ROGELIO: It's okay, baby.
We'll find a name for you.
So, they start out as babies, but they breed like crazy.
They lay, like, 30,000 eggs per day.
Uh, so how soon can you get this taken care of? - Soon as the hotel's evacuated.
- Oh, well, everyone will be out by the end of the day.
And how long before it's safe to open our doors again? MAN: Well, ideally, on a space this large, you want to allow yourself a 72-hour aeration process, but you'd probably get away with 48.
PETRA: But I I was told that we could - leave the kids club open.
- Yeah.
That's far enough away.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us to Where's Rafael? Is he running late? I don't know.
I'm not his keeper.
It's Saturday brunch.
We never miss brunch.
That's why I'm asking.
I'm sure he'll be here.
You don't have to worry.
Hey.
Hands off, right? Come on, kids, let's go eat! JANE: Well, actually, my hands have been a little on.
- Excuse me? - You'll find out soon enough, so I might as well tell you.
Tell me what? I wrote Rafael a letter, and I gave it to Krishna to give to him.
What? Wait, wha I don't understand.
What kind of letter? You remember, Mommy.
This one! (STAMMERS, LAUGHS) You stole my letter? No.
Stealing is wrong.
JANE: What? Just like it's wrong to say you're going to stay out of something and then not keep your word.
That's lying.
Do we lie? - BOTH GIRLS: No.
- Sometimes.
Well, we also agree lying is wrong.
But there is a difference between lying and changing your mind.
And we think the most important thing is to put Daddy's well-being above his wallet.
Right, Mateo? PETRA: Great.
Then take care of his well-being after the papers are signed.
So they're not signed yet? (SIGHS) Just let it go, Jane.
CRYSTAL: The key is to never let go.
Really squeeze the thighs.
Why are there stripper poles here? This is supposed to be a promo for a kids' performing arts studio.
CRYSTAL: They're not stripper poles.
That's just what they're called.
Here, let me show you what I have for the video.
(SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING) He couldn't speak a word of English But I could tell by his sighs I couldn't speak a word of Spanish And so we talked with our eyes.
(MUSIC ENDS) You want to do that on camera? No, of course not.
I want the kids to do it! They're children! Jane? Jane, could you put your phone down? We're trying to teach the kids it's rude to be on your phone.
I found him! I can tell those ears anywhere.
And that tight shirt.
And I know exactly where the Shangri La is docked.
What are you doing? I'm giving him my letter.
He hasn't signed the deal yet.
No, you can't.
- You can't.
- Mateo, stay with tia Petra.
Oh, no, you don't.
Rachel, watch the kids! (PETRA YELLS) (GRUNTS) Stop! A letter won't change his mind.
Then why are you trying to get it? Ah! No! (GRUNTS) No! No! (LAUGHS) Ah! (YELPS) No! Oh Ah! Ah! Are you crazy?! PETRA: Just let it go, Jane! - Give it to me! - JANE: It's okay! Mommies are just playing! PETRA: Let it go! No! (GRUNTS) Ha! - (GASPS) - Got it! Ha! Guess what? I memorized it! No! - (GIGGLING) - Jane! Wow.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, it's a real jungle out there.
Jane! Jane! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Run, run, run You'll never get away.
See? The kids can all be mountain lions and wolves, and this way, we can do some of the less explicit moves that you like to do.
That's not very sexy.
No, it isn't sexy, because again, they're kids.
But we can green-screen the poles into trees, and make a cool background forest.
I don't know, Xo.
It feels so random.
Hi, there.
Is everything all right? Can we take five? Fine with me.
I'm gonna go vape.
(SIGHS) What's going on? You hated Slutty Crystal since you were teenagers and clearly nothing's changed.
- It's fine.
- Why are you working with her? I don't exactly have a lot of options.
Then take some time and find a better one.
- I can't.
- Why? Because I need to get out of the house so that I don't get sucked into the baby vortex.
So all this because you hate Fiona? What? I don't hate Fiona.
I don't think Fiona works.
Look, it's the opposite, okay? I love this baby, whatever she's called.
Oh, come on.
How could I not with those cute little chipmunk cheeks? But I know myself.
If I'm not careful, I'll start to focus on her, and her needs, and mine won't count as much.
And I'm scared of that happening.
You know, again.
Then let me help you.
You don't need Slutty Crystal, you have Slutty Rogelio.
I'm your partner.
And you have my word that if the baby starts to become the focus, I will push you out the door myself.
Are we gonna rehearse this thing or not? Uh I'm sorry, Crystal.
I just think we have different visions for the studio.
I don't think our partnership's gonna work out.
(SIGHS LOUDLY) You know what? Everyone told me not to go into business with Skanky Xo.
Skanky Xo?! Oh Hey.
Should we work on the video for your dance school? Drum up some business? I have a better idea.
Okay, you're fierce.
You're protecting your chipmunk! Now there's a predator approaching! Guard her! But happy guarding.
And smize.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, the classic bond between a she-wolf and her chipmunk.
Yeah, I don't know what to say about these two animals.
Jane, if you blow this deal, I will text Jeffrey and tell him never to meet with you ever.
What the hell are you two doing here?! - Nothing.
We were just leaving.
- We're here because I'm scared for you, Rafael.
You're not a user, but right now, you're using Katherine, and the last time you did something like this something you knew was wrong you ended up in prison.
And I don't want anything like that to happen again because I love you, and I know who you are.
You are a good, smart, decent person and a role model for your children.
For the last time, I am doing this for my family! So, you need to go back down to the kids club before you blow my whole deal! Leave! Now! What's this? - Open it! - (LAUGHS) Cool! No.
But I said everything I wanted to say, and it was awful.
He exploded.
He is just convinced he's doing this big, heroic thing for his family.
Bueno.
You were right.
About Adam.
I had this fantasy, I guess, about him just sliding right in.
You know? Coming over for family dinners and He panicked.
Because of Mateo.
And he said he wanted a week to think about things, and now it's been seven days and - - No, actually.
Now he suddenly says he's ready.
But I can't do that to Mateo.
I want to be with someone who sees him as a blessing, not a burden.
Bueno.
What? Did you just call Adam mature? (SIGHS) I just don't want Mateo to get hurt.
When he said he was panicking, I felt exactly the same, you know? Like when I was 19 and he left.
JANE: And part of me feels like you're going to break my heart again.
And that's the truth.
And I'm a little scared.
Yeah, me, too.
Real scared of all this.
That's why I needed a minute.
Yeah, I get that.
But I am all in, Jane.
Yeah? - You ready to go to dinner? - Mm-hmm.
(LAUGHS) So, what does everyone think the baby's name should be? - Oh, Dad, no.
Not again, please.
- You've hated every name you've tried.
- We're over it.
- What do you think, wise old owl? Who? (CHUCKLES) Exactly.
You're already in character for your photo shoot.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, trust me.
You're gonna want to see this.
Hmm? See? Are you the wise old owl or what? Perdón.
Wise owl.
Gracias.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: You know, I can kind of see it now.
What a hoot.
All right, I will agree to Amada for the first name if I can choose the middle name.
Something meaningful.
I thought you didn't like Amada because of the whole Ryan Gosling feud thing.
I've tried a million different names; nothing stuck, so I will handle The Gos and stomach the wrath of another ruthless Canadian.
For the baby.
Actually, I don't even really like Amada anymore.
This is getting ridiculous.
Our baby needs a name.
I know! Come on, baby.
Speak to us.
- What's your name, baby? - Tell me, baby.
Talk to me, baby.
(BABY COOS) Is it me, or does Baby kind of work? Baby.
It's perfect.
Hi, Baby.
Hello, beautiful Baby.
So, what's that middle name you had in mind? Darci and I would like to introduce you all to the newest member of our familia.
Baby Michaelina De La Vega-Factor.
Michaelina? After Michael? Well, he was my best friend, so Oh Can I hold her? - Yes.
- (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHS) Hi, Michaelina.
Baby Michaelina.
Yes, yes, you are a baby, Michaelina.
No, it's Baby.
- Who? - ROGELIO: First name, Baby.
Middle name, Michaelina.
Baby Michaelina.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Oh.
- Should we show them? - Yes.
(WHISPERS): One, two, three.
- (CHUCKLES) - (LAUGHS) Hi.
My baby sister, Baby.
Hey.
I'm putting my stuff in storage so you can have your house back.
- Oh.
- And thank you for letting me stay here.
Well, as soon as I have this hotel deal in hand, I am getting you a trainer and a gym membership.
Right.
Forgot.
The Villanuevas don't believe in money.
Not Jane.
She's constantly telling me not to.
But what she doesn't understand is that it's different to have it and lose it.
- Who? - LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of losing something big Okay, you ready to light the tube? What is beautiful doctor doing? Carl, this is Anezka.
Anezka this is my friend Carl.
Uh, nice to meeting you.
We met in college.
I wanted to show him my hotel.
And he's also a fumigator, so I wanted to get his opinion.
And have a cigarette.
I know I shouldn't smoke.
(LAUGHS): But I'm trying not to drink.
Anyway Carl and I, we have to go.
Bye.
ANEZKA: Mother I think I just caught Dr.
Luisa trying to burn down hotel.
What? But that's not even craziest part.
Dr.
Luisa introduced me to her friend Carl, but there was no one there.
She just be talking to the air.
There is old saying in Czech: "If you talk to someone who is not there, you are going crazy.
" LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Speaking of talking to someone who's not all there you know, emotionally.
All you have to do is file the paperwork with the lawyers, and that's it.
The Marbella's ours.
And I want to take you on a trip to Greece to celebrate.
We can make it a family trip.
All the kids with the nannies, of course.
- Katherine, that's - Family dinners.
Private desserts.
All you have to do is say yes.
(OWL HOOTS) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Now, was that a real owl or a Carl kind of owl? Who knows? The point is, with Alba's words ringing in his ears, Rafael said I think we should talk, Katherine.
About where we're going or not going.
What? I just want to step back.
- I thought you said you were falling for me.
- I know.
And, honestly, I kind of panicked.
You were so upset about Jane, and I was anxious about the deal, and I liked you, of course.
But, look, I don't want to be one of those people you were talking about who just make you feel used.
I want to be honest with you so that you go into this with both eyes open.
I know that you think this deal is great for you financially, so I hope, on a business level, that we can still work together.
Thank you for your honesty, Rafael.
I'll need to think about it.
Of course.
(ENGINE STARTS) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, dear.
Looks like that kitty had claws.
But it was going great.
He even bonded with Jane's son, Mateo.
Don't hurt her feelings and don't die, okay? - LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Unfortunately - I'm panicking.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Speaking of panicking, Rafael was so desperate to get his hotel back from his sister, Luisa, that he made a secret deal with hotel financier Katherine Cortez.
And Katherine was super into him, and he was, well, trying to convince her he was on the same page.
So Rafael made a big move.
But little did he know Luisa had plans of her own My name is Carl.
Rose sent me to help you get the money quicker.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: thanks to this creep.
I know, straight out of a telenovela, right? Well, imagine this.
Jane's father recently got back together with her mother.
Only complication: his ex, Darci, just gave birth to their daughter.
Oh, and she also fell in love with his archrival, Esteban.
I know, crazy, right? So let's see what happens next.
When Jane Gloriana Villanueva was 28 years, two months, and 12 days old, she met her baby sister for the first time.
But it wasn't until five days later that they had their very first photo shoot.
So cute.
Love it so much.
Jane, your sister found her light.
I need you to find yours.
- Great.
- (CAMERA SNAPS) Okay, not, let me see you smile.
More.
More.
With your eyes.
As I taught Tyra Banks, you have to smize.
- Got it.
Perfect.
- Great.
So that's a wrap? - Yes.
- Okay.
On that costume.
Um, well, uh, how many of these are we doing? Oh, we'll go as long as your sister has stamina.
Okay time for eggs! ROGELIO: Can you curl up and make yourself a little smaller, Jane? You just look so big next to her.
She's 18 inches long.
Smaller.
If you don't believe you're a bear, I won't believe you're a bear.
Come on! Get in touch with your mama bear instincts.
Good! All right, everybody out.
- Closed set.
- Why? Oh, it's time for your naked shot.
- Your little bums side by side - Okay, photo shoot's over.
DARCI: Oh I don't buy Jane as a bear, but the baby's killing it.
No posting, though.
Oh, of course not.
There's a complete press and social media blackout on the baby until we do our own photo shoot - for the birth announcement.
- Fine, but we can't send out an announcement until we settle on a name.
And again, it's a hard pass on Rogeliana.
Then what's your pitch? Because Darcella is also out.
Agreed.
We both have to love it.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow.
Looks like things are actually pretty good between the two of them.
Actually, I had an idea.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I mean, the three of them.
And it is a beautiful name.
I really love it.
Don't let the fact that it came from me stop you from embracing it, Rogelio.
Just get it over with.
BOTH: One, two - Amada.
- Amada.
Hmm.
I actually like that.
Right? - So do we have a winner? - Hold up.
I mean, would I buy a Lamborghini without driving it first? - You can't afford a Lamborghini.
- The point is I have to take it out for a spin first and see how it feels.
I felt ridiculous, but the pictures are actually cute.
- (CHUCKLES) - I was thinking I could text one to Adam.
Like, with no context.
Like, me, "Hey," coming out of an egg.
You really don't think I should? I think you told me not to let you reach out for a week.
Yeah, but isn't four days enough? You said to say no.
And I do think a week of space is good.
You guys moved so fast.
You have to take a beat and think about where you're heading.
I know.
I mean, I get why he panicked.
Thinking of having a kid around is different than actually having a kid around.
- (CHUCKLES) - (MICROWAVE BEEPS) I just like him so much, Ma.
Great.
He's just on a deadline.
Can you tell Mateo that his ice cream's ready, please? - Mm-hmm.
- Gracias.
She just started liking him.
If everything works for us, I don't want to go backwards.
I want two scoops.
(CHUCKLES) You know the rules.
Only one.
Daddy's friend lets me have two.
Which friend? I think Kathord? "Kathord"? Katherine? When did Mateo meet Katherine? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aka Kathord.
- Last week.
- I thought you were gonna end things with her.
I never said that.
You assumed.
Well, I certainly didn't assume that she'd be meeting Mateo.
- Well, he had just met Adam, so - That was an accident.
And you insisted on sitting down with him to make sure that he was a good influence.
Oh, you want to sit down with Katherine? Look, it was a casual thing.
And I get that you're upset that it happened It didn't just happen.
You decided to do it.
And then you decided not to tell me.
Because I knew you'd react like this.
And honestly, I thought it'd be easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
Is that what you're doing right now? Begging forgiveness? Yes, Jane, I am.
I am sorry I didn't - talk to you first.
- Oh, stand up.
You don't have to get down on one knee.
I was doing a lunge.
- Oh.
- Look, it was a quick meeting, okay? It's not like she's suddenly gonna be a big part of his life.
Well, if that changes, will you tell me? Yes.
XIOMARA: So, please let me know, because we'd love to have Kayla in dance class this semester, but the session's almost full.
Thanks.
Well, that's great news.
Session's almost full.
I thought you said enrollment was down.
It is.
I just said that to pressure them.
I keep losing students to Stage Sensations.
Stage Sensations The next generation Of singing and dancing And acting sensations.
ANNOUNCER: Coming soon to a mall near you.
I'm sorry you're stressed.
And so is Amada.
Who's Amada? It's a name we're trying out.
Would you like to hold her before Darci picks her up? I heard that holding a newborn for a few minutes actually makes you more relaxed.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, I'm guessing he didn't hear that from a stay-at-home parent.
Next time.
I've got, like, a million calls to make.
SONIA: What are you staring at? Oh, yeah.
My customer's hot.
I think your customer's Jeffrey Mullins.
Let me see his receipt.
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
It is Jeffrey Mullins.
He is a huge New York literary agent.
Ooh, so cute and rich.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Book agent, not movie agent.
Made that mistake once.
You don't understand.
This is kismet.
I've been talking with my editor about meeting with an agent before my book comes out, and here's one of the biggest in the country, and Why is Petra air kissing - Jeffrey Mullins right now? - Hmm.
Oh! Petra, hey.
(CHUCKLES) You know Jeffrey Mullins? He has a house in Palm Beach.
We've been to about a million fund-raisers together.
He's really into saving dolphins or sea monkeys or something.
Honestly, it's hard to focus on what he's saying.
- He's so handsome.
- I would love to meet him.
Like, really love.
Because he's a book agent.
Oh.
Oh, that's right.
- You're a writer.
- Yeah, right.
I'm a writer.
So, can you introduce me to him? I'll do anything.
- Sure.
I'll set up a meeting.
- Oh.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hmm, that was easy.
- What? - I just expected a little more pushback.
Yeah.
Usually I'd try to get something.
Well, I guess since we're both over Rafael, there's not much to fight about, right? No more drama.
I like that.
No more drama.
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
(BOTH SCREAM) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Is it just me, or does that seem like a bad omen? What is that? Are those ? Oh, my God.
Termites.
- (PEOPLE SCREAMING) - Ugh! JANE: I feel like they're all over me.
(SIGHS) - (VIDEO GAME BEEPING) - What? - Mateo.
- (BEEPING STOPS) - Where did you get this? - I can't remember.
- What do you mean, you can't remember? - What's going on? Daddy, don't worry.
I didn't tell her who it was from.
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING) I'm sorry, Mateo.
You're too young for this.
- (BEEPING STOPS) - Mommy, that's mine! It was a gift from Kathord.
- Well, you shouldn't have been given it.
- Give it back! I want it back this very minute! I'm going to give you some time to calm down, Mateo.
Now! Now! Now! Do you need some time to calm down? She gave him an iPad, and you told him to lie about it? I didn't tell him to lie.
I just told him not to mention it.
Kind of like a joke.
Wait, you're justifying this? I didn't know she was gonna give it to him.
But a lot of kids have them, so it's not that big of a deal.
- Except we have a no screen rule.
- No.
You have a no screen rule that I went along with, but you know what? I've changed my mind.
I am fine with them.
Too bad.
My house, my rules.
Then maybe I shouldn't live here anymore.
Great.
You can leave right now.
Perfect.
I'll go stay with Katherine.
Terrific.
Maybe if you're a good boy, she'll buy you an iPad.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Whoa! Looks like Jane really got in touch with her mama bear instincts.
LATIN NARRATOR: As you all well know, in the animal kingdom, it's kill or be LUISA: Quiet.
I'm thinking.
About what? You did great.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: You remember - this creepy dude, right? - (INHALER PUFFS) - Sent by Rose to help Luisa.
- Phase one complete.
You released the termites.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hmm, I thought his plan would be a little more sinister, honestly.
- Now, all you have to do next is - (KNOCKS) Hey! No one can see me.
(SCOFFS) Petra, what can I do for you? - Can I come in? - No, you can't.
Um I'm in the middle of giving myself a a breast self-exam.
Once a month.
So important.
I'm gonna stay on you about that.
Well, I just wanted to update you on the termite plan.
The guests are being relocated to the Fairwick.
Hopefully, we can keep the kids club open.
And as far as getting rid of the termites goes I called the exterminators.
We need to fumigate immediately.
They're coming tomorrow.
Wow.
Yeah.
G great.
Thank you for taking care of that.
I'll let you get back to your exam.
Hey.
I was wondering if we can talk for a minute? Of course.
Should we take a walk? Get some air, avoid some termites.
- Sounds perfect.
- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow.
These two have really turned a corner.
So, I am worried about Rafael.
And mad, too, but mostly worried.
Why? What's going on? He's just not acting like himself.
And, well (SIGHS) I think he's going into one of those self-destructive periods.
I mean, this Katherine woman is the worst.
He can't go into business with her long-term.
But whenever we talk, we end up fighting, and I was thinking that maybe together, we can get through to him.
No.
Absolutely not.
- What? - In fact, not only would I not talk to him about Katherine, but I want you to stay out of it.
Understood? - Excuse me? - This deal is on the verge of going through.
This is not about the hotel.
Okay, how's this? If you want me to set a lunch with Jeffrey Mullins, you'll leave Rafael alone.
So, basically, she just wants you to not say anything to Rafael for a couple of days until he signs this contract with Katherine? Exactly.
And Rafael wants you to stay out of it? Right.
Yes.
So stay out of it.
And go to the Jeffrey Mullins meeting, and don't feel bad about it.
- Really? - Yes.
Which is obviously what you want to do, because you came to me for advice instead of Abuela.
She might give you more of the morality crap.
ROGELIO: Ah, yes.
Alba, the wise old owl.
I'm sorry, what? That's what I landed on for her photo shoot.
Alba has such incredible wisdom to share, so she's going to be an owl.
This is my inspiration - Wait, what happened to "Amada"? - Unfortunately, I had to move on.
Ryan Gosling has a daughter named Amada, and I don't want to make the notorious Gosling-De La Vega rivalry even worse.
Uh, I'm sure Ryan will appreciate that.
I know, yeah.
And for you, Xo I was thinking, "unlikely-but-enduring animal friendships.
" They might not be blood related, but they are deeply bonded.
It is an homage to your stepdaughter-stepmother relationship.
Did any animals leap out at you? Not really.
You choose.
Okay.
Wish me luck.
I'm putting up flyers for the dance studio.
(SIGHS) Hey there, Crystal.
Oh.
Hey, Xiomara.
I heard you opened a dance studio.
I heard you opened a vocal studio.
Well, you can have this pole if you need it.
My enrollment is off the charts.
Then why are you putting up flyers? The longer the wait list, the more exclusive the club.
Word on the street says your numbers are down.
Yeah, well word on the street says LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And then, friends, the strangest thing happened.
That's true.
- What? - You must be more successful, Crystal, because that place Stage Sensations is killing me.
Stage Sensations The next genera God, I hate that freakin' song.
I'm going into business with Crystal! - Who's Crystal? - From high school.
Slutty Crystal? - I don't call her that anymore.
- Since when? Since we decided to go into business together.
But you guys hate each other.
We used to hate each other.
But we actually got to talking and instead of competing, we're going to combine forces.
Increase enrollment while reducing costs.
You know, kill two birds with one stone.
But what if the two birds peck each other to death? Oh, stop.
We're over it.
And she actually has some really great ideas.
Turns out Slutty Crystal is really Entrepreneurial Crystal.
- (PHONE CHIMES) - Right.
Oh.
Wha (SIGHS) (SIGHS) LUISA: I don't think I can do this.
You can.
What if someone gets hurt? The hotel's gonna be evacuated.
That was the whole point of the termites.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, that makes more sense.
All you have to do is steal a piece of tubing from the fumigator.
Then you'll coat it in an accelerant, you'll wait till the hotel fills with fumes, you light the tubing and you throw it in the hotel.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, is that all? Now is not the time to look back.
You need the insurance money, right? That's what you said.
If I ever get caught, you need to deposit $100 million into my account here in the Caymans.
That'll initiate my escape protocol.
Okay, let's do it.
Let's burn the hotel down.
- Jane! - JANE: Oh.
Hi there, Katherine.
So, I heard you weren't happy with the gift I gave Mateo.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Remember, Jane, don't interfere.
Think about Jeffrey Mullins, noted book agent to minor stars.
It's fine.
I I know you meant well.
I just really like to limit Mateo's screen time.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well done.
Okay, look, that's not why I'm really here.
Are you gonna be a problem for Rafael and me? - Excuse me? - Because it seems like you tend to overstep your bounds.
So I just wanted to make sure you're not going to get in the way, long-term.
No.
I'm not.
She's the worst, Abuela, honestly.
Nothing.
He's just using her to get his hotel back.
- - Yeah.
And it's not going to end well, I can feel it.
I tried.
But he told me to stay out of it.
And Petra said if I don't stay out of it, she's not introducing me to this big literary agent.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which, for the record, is the advice Jane wanted.
Which is why she went to Abuela this time.
Every time we talk, we fight.
So I was thinking that maybe I can write him a letter? NARRATOR: Which is pretty much exactly what Jane knew she would say.
That, too.
And so, write Jane did.
- - And trust me, friends, - the letter was epic - and poignant and Mommy, I have a question.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Damn, Mateo! Way to interrupt her flow.
- MATEO: Hi, Adam.
- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wait, what? Adam, hi! It's me, Mateo! - ADAM: Hey, buddy! - You promised me you'd show me your comic books.
Can I come over now and see them? JANE: Oh.
Nope.
Can you come here.
(GRUNTS) (LAUGHS) Oh, my gosh.
Uh, hi, Adam.
I am so sorry.
Uh, Mateo snuck off with my phone.
I don't even know where he learned how to FaceTime.
Daddy's friend Katherine showed me.
NARRATOR: Geez, does this woman moonlight at the Genius Bar? So can we go? Uh, fine by me, but it's up to your mom.
You don't have to Aw, come on.
Swing by for a quick visit.
Yay! We're coming! Oh! (SIGHS) Wow! - - This place is awesome.
- Ah, just be careful, no running.
- ADAM: Oops.
Sorry, buddy, that is a first edition.
Look at these action figures.
Cool, huh? Thanks for having us over.
I know it's not a week yet.
One more day.
I'm glad you're here.
I've been, uh, been thinking about you a lot and missing you.
Yeah? Me, too.
MATEO: Look at me! I'm a superhero! Okay, Mateo, be careful.
Pow! Zam! Okay.
We'd better get going.
I don't want to go! Well, it's time.
Adam invited me! He doesn't want me to go! LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I wouldn't be too sure about that.
You can stay a little longer, if that would See? I'm not going! Yes, you are.
Right now.
No, no, no, no, no, no! Hey, you better listen to your mom, buddy.
Be quiet! I hate you! I hate you! Sorry.
I hate you! KATHERINE: How do you really feel about me? What? What are you talking about? Oh, I ran into Jane, and she gave me the sense that you don't see us as a long-term thing.
- She said that? - No.
But I could tell she was thinking it.
Well, maybe she's just jealous.
Ignore her.
I wish I could.
It's just when you have money, it's hard to tell if people want you or they want your lifestyle.
I completely understand.
I had a lot of money, remember? Yeah.
Still I know this is a great deal.
But deal aside how do you feel about me? Because if you don't have real feelings, you can just tell me and we'll go our separate ways.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And in that moment, friends, Rafael's animal instincts kicked in.
He just needed to survive.
We are not going our separate ways.
Look, I didn't want to say this so soon, but I'm falling for you, Kitty.
(EXHALES) (SNIFFS) Hey, Adam.
I'm I'm sorry again about earlier.
ADAM: No, no, it's fine.
Look, I know we decided to think about things for a week, and it's only day six, but can we just bag this whole time apart thing? - What? - Well, um unless you're over me.
No.
I I'm I'm just surprised, after what happened with Mateo.
It was cool, actually.
I realized I can put up with that, easy.
Oh.
Yeah, um I I I don't want to be with somebody that can just "put up" with my son.
Well, no, that's not what I meant.
I meant that it's worth it, for you.
I don't want to feel like I'm being tested every time we're with Mateo.
No, it's coming out wrong.
You won't.
I will.
- I misspoke.
- JANE: I know.
But it's still true.
Look, Adam, I I think that we should One more day.
- What? - ADAM: We said seven days, so you can't break up with me today.
Just think about it one more day, okay? Please, Jane.
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll talk tomorrow.
ROGELIO: Who has the best husband in the world? You do! Because the soundstage has been officially booked for your promo video shoot.
Aw, Rogelio! And I was able to scrounge up some tasteful, yet very dazzling wardrobe options, so you and Crystal will have plenty to choose from.
Thank you, Best Husband in the World.
And since you'll be on set anyway, would it be easier for you if I just schedule your photo session with the baby for right after? Uh, you know, I'd rather not.
It's gonna be really hectic that day, and my head's gonna be totally in the game for the video shoot.
I got to call Crystal.
(SIGHS) You may not have picked up on it, but your mother hates Delilah.
Who's Delilah? The baby.
Are you saying you don't see her as a Delilah? No.
Uh, it's cute.
And Mom doesn't hate her.
Really? Because she hardly looks at her, she doesn't want to hold her, and she clearly doesn't want to do the photo shoot.
Dad, you have to remember that Mom didn't really want a baby in her life, so it's gonna take some time for her to warm up to Delilah.
Yeah.
I don't like it.
Well, you don't have much of a choice if Mom needs time.
No, not that.
Delilah.
I hate it.
Don't ever use it again.
Matelio, what do you think your aunt's name should be? How about Pee Pee Pants? - Mateo.
- Okay, Poo Poo Pants or Dirty Diaper.
Mateo, where do bathroom words belong? In the bathroom.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, Toilet Plunger or Diarrhea Poo.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: The kid's a potty mouth thesaurus! ROGELIO: It's okay, baby.
We'll find a name for you.
So, they start out as babies, but they breed like crazy.
They lay, like, 30,000 eggs per day.
Uh, so how soon can you get this taken care of? - Soon as the hotel's evacuated.
- Oh, well, everyone will be out by the end of the day.
And how long before it's safe to open our doors again? MAN: Well, ideally, on a space this large, you want to allow yourself a 72-hour aeration process, but you'd probably get away with 48.
PETRA: But I I was told that we could - leave the kids club open.
- Yeah.
That's far enough away.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us to Where's Rafael? Is he running late? I don't know.
I'm not his keeper.
It's Saturday brunch.
We never miss brunch.
That's why I'm asking.
I'm sure he'll be here.
You don't have to worry.
Hey.
Hands off, right? Come on, kids, let's go eat! JANE: Well, actually, my hands have been a little on.
- Excuse me? - You'll find out soon enough, so I might as well tell you.
Tell me what? I wrote Rafael a letter, and I gave it to Krishna to give to him.
What? Wait, wha I don't understand.
What kind of letter? You remember, Mommy.
This one! (STAMMERS, LAUGHS) You stole my letter? No.
Stealing is wrong.
JANE: What? Just like it's wrong to say you're going to stay out of something and then not keep your word.
That's lying.
Do we lie? - BOTH GIRLS: No.
- Sometimes.
Well, we also agree lying is wrong.
But there is a difference between lying and changing your mind.
And we think the most important thing is to put Daddy's well-being above his wallet.
Right, Mateo? PETRA: Great.
Then take care of his well-being after the papers are signed.
So they're not signed yet? (SIGHS) Just let it go, Jane.
CRYSTAL: The key is to never let go.
Really squeeze the thighs.
Why are there stripper poles here? This is supposed to be a promo for a kids' performing arts studio.
CRYSTAL: They're not stripper poles.
That's just what they're called.
Here, let me show you what I have for the video.
(SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING) He couldn't speak a word of English But I could tell by his sighs I couldn't speak a word of Spanish And so we talked with our eyes.
(MUSIC ENDS) You want to do that on camera? No, of course not.
I want the kids to do it! They're children! Jane? Jane, could you put your phone down? We're trying to teach the kids it's rude to be on your phone.
I found him! I can tell those ears anywhere.
And that tight shirt.
And I know exactly where the Shangri La is docked.
What are you doing? I'm giving him my letter.
He hasn't signed the deal yet.
No, you can't.
- You can't.
- Mateo, stay with tia Petra.
Oh, no, you don't.
Rachel, watch the kids! (PETRA YELLS) (GRUNTS) Stop! A letter won't change his mind.
Then why are you trying to get it? Ah! No! (GRUNTS) No! No! (LAUGHS) Ah! (YELPS) No! Oh Ah! Ah! Are you crazy?! PETRA: Just let it go, Jane! - Give it to me! - JANE: It's okay! Mommies are just playing! PETRA: Let it go! No! (GRUNTS) Ha! - (GASPS) - Got it! Ha! Guess what? I memorized it! No! - (GIGGLING) - Jane! Wow.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, it's a real jungle out there.
Jane! Jane! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Run, run, run You'll never get away.
See? The kids can all be mountain lions and wolves, and this way, we can do some of the less explicit moves that you like to do.
That's not very sexy.
No, it isn't sexy, because again, they're kids.
But we can green-screen the poles into trees, and make a cool background forest.
I don't know, Xo.
It feels so random.
Hi, there.
Is everything all right? Can we take five? Fine with me.
I'm gonna go vape.
(SIGHS) What's going on? You hated Slutty Crystal since you were teenagers and clearly nothing's changed.
- It's fine.
- Why are you working with her? I don't exactly have a lot of options.
Then take some time and find a better one.
- I can't.
- Why? Because I need to get out of the house so that I don't get sucked into the baby vortex.
So all this because you hate Fiona? What? I don't hate Fiona.
I don't think Fiona works.
Look, it's the opposite, okay? I love this baby, whatever she's called.
Oh, come on.
How could I not with those cute little chipmunk cheeks? But I know myself.
If I'm not careful, I'll start to focus on her, and her needs, and mine won't count as much.
And I'm scared of that happening.
You know, again.
Then let me help you.
You don't need Slutty Crystal, you have Slutty Rogelio.
I'm your partner.
And you have my word that if the baby starts to become the focus, I will push you out the door myself.
Are we gonna rehearse this thing or not? Uh I'm sorry, Crystal.
I just think we have different visions for the studio.
I don't think our partnership's gonna work out.
(SIGHS LOUDLY) You know what? Everyone told me not to go into business with Skanky Xo.
Skanky Xo?! Oh Hey.
Should we work on the video for your dance school? Drum up some business? I have a better idea.
Okay, you're fierce.
You're protecting your chipmunk! Now there's a predator approaching! Guard her! But happy guarding.
And smize.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, the classic bond between a she-wolf and her chipmunk.
Yeah, I don't know what to say about these two animals.
Jane, if you blow this deal, I will text Jeffrey and tell him never to meet with you ever.
What the hell are you two doing here?! - Nothing.
We were just leaving.
- We're here because I'm scared for you, Rafael.
You're not a user, but right now, you're using Katherine, and the last time you did something like this something you knew was wrong you ended up in prison.
And I don't want anything like that to happen again because I love you, and I know who you are.
You are a good, smart, decent person and a role model for your children.
For the last time, I am doing this for my family! So, you need to go back down to the kids club before you blow my whole deal! Leave! Now! What's this? - Open it! - (LAUGHS) Cool! No.
But I said everything I wanted to say, and it was awful.
He exploded.
He is just convinced he's doing this big, heroic thing for his family.
Bueno.
You were right.
About Adam.
I had this fantasy, I guess, about him just sliding right in.
You know? Coming over for family dinners and He panicked.
Because of Mateo.
And he said he wanted a week to think about things, and now it's been seven days and - - No, actually.
Now he suddenly says he's ready.
But I can't do that to Mateo.
I want to be with someone who sees him as a blessing, not a burden.
Bueno.
What? Did you just call Adam mature? (SIGHS) I just don't want Mateo to get hurt.
When he said he was panicking, I felt exactly the same, you know? Like when I was 19 and he left.
JANE: And part of me feels like you're going to break my heart again.
And that's the truth.
And I'm a little scared.
Yeah, me, too.
Real scared of all this.
That's why I needed a minute.
Yeah, I get that.
But I am all in, Jane.
Yeah? - You ready to go to dinner? - Mm-hmm.
(LAUGHS) So, what does everyone think the baby's name should be? - Oh, Dad, no.
Not again, please.
- You've hated every name you've tried.
- We're over it.
- What do you think, wise old owl? Who? (CHUCKLES) Exactly.
You're already in character for your photo shoot.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, trust me.
You're gonna want to see this.
Hmm? See? Are you the wise old owl or what? Perdón.
Wise owl.
Gracias.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: You know, I can kind of see it now.
What a hoot.
All right, I will agree to Amada for the first name if I can choose the middle name.
Something meaningful.
I thought you didn't like Amada because of the whole Ryan Gosling feud thing.
I've tried a million different names; nothing stuck, so I will handle The Gos and stomach the wrath of another ruthless Canadian.
For the baby.
Actually, I don't even really like Amada anymore.
This is getting ridiculous.
Our baby needs a name.
I know! Come on, baby.
Speak to us.
- What's your name, baby? - Tell me, baby.
Talk to me, baby.
(BABY COOS) Is it me, or does Baby kind of work? Baby.
It's perfect.
Hi, Baby.
Hello, beautiful Baby.
So, what's that middle name you had in mind? Darci and I would like to introduce you all to the newest member of our familia.
Baby Michaelina De La Vega-Factor.
Michaelina? After Michael? Well, he was my best friend, so Oh Can I hold her? - Yes.
- (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHS) Hi, Michaelina.
Baby Michaelina.
Yes, yes, you are a baby, Michaelina.
No, it's Baby.
- Who? - ROGELIO: First name, Baby.
Middle name, Michaelina.
Baby Michaelina.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Oh.
- Should we show them? - Yes.
(WHISPERS): One, two, three.
- (CHUCKLES) - (LAUGHS) Hi.
My baby sister, Baby.
Hey.
I'm putting my stuff in storage so you can have your house back.
- Oh.
- And thank you for letting me stay here.
Well, as soon as I have this hotel deal in hand, I am getting you a trainer and a gym membership.
Right.
Forgot.
The Villanuevas don't believe in money.
Not Jane.
She's constantly telling me not to.
But what she doesn't understand is that it's different to have it and lose it.
- Who? - LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of losing something big Okay, you ready to light the tube? What is beautiful doctor doing? Carl, this is Anezka.
Anezka this is my friend Carl.
Uh, nice to meeting you.
We met in college.
I wanted to show him my hotel.
And he's also a fumigator, so I wanted to get his opinion.
And have a cigarette.
I know I shouldn't smoke.
(LAUGHS): But I'm trying not to drink.
Anyway Carl and I, we have to go.
Bye.
ANEZKA: Mother I think I just caught Dr.
Luisa trying to burn down hotel.
What? But that's not even craziest part.
Dr.
Luisa introduced me to her friend Carl, but there was no one there.
She just be talking to the air.
There is old saying in Czech: "If you talk to someone who is not there, you are going crazy.
" LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Speaking of talking to someone who's not all there you know, emotionally.
All you have to do is file the paperwork with the lawyers, and that's it.
The Marbella's ours.
And I want to take you on a trip to Greece to celebrate.
We can make it a family trip.
All the kids with the nannies, of course.
- Katherine, that's - Family dinners.
Private desserts.
All you have to do is say yes.
(OWL HOOTS) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Now, was that a real owl or a Carl kind of owl? Who knows? The point is, with Alba's words ringing in his ears, Rafael said I think we should talk, Katherine.
About where we're going or not going.
What? I just want to step back.
- I thought you said you were falling for me.
- I know.
And, honestly, I kind of panicked.
You were so upset about Jane, and I was anxious about the deal, and I liked you, of course.
But, look, I don't want to be one of those people you were talking about who just make you feel used.
I want to be honest with you so that you go into this with both eyes open.
I know that you think this deal is great for you financially, so I hope, on a business level, that we can still work together.
Thank you for your honesty, Rafael.
I'll need to think about it.
Of course.
(ENGINE STARTS) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, dear.
Looks like that kitty had claws.