Monk s04e04 Episode Script

[Metal Rattles.]
[Metal Clanks.]
What you doing? Flat tire.
You believe it? Uh, no.
I can't.
It's not your car.
- What are you doing? - Let the cops sort this out.
[Tire Iron Clatters.]
[Grunting.]
[Grunts, Gasps.]
- [Elevator Bell Dings.]
- You pay me for my advice, right? Well, leverage everything.
Don't be afraid of a little debt.
Ronnie! Hello? Well, what's seven million bucks between friends? [Laughs.]
Hey, I'm losing you.
I'm in the garage.
All right.
I'll call you tonight.
- [Car Alarm Chirps.]
- Don't turn around.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you hear what I said? Yeah.
Yeah T-Take my keys.
Stay that way.
I don't want your car, Kemp.
Give me your hand.
My hand? Yeah.
Not that hand.
The other one.
[Sighs.]
No! No! [Screams.]
Have a nice day, Mr.
Kemp.
Oh, God! [Screaming.]
~~ [Up-tempo Folk.]
~ It's a jungle out there ~ ~ Disorder and confusion everywhere ~ ~ No one seems to care ~ ~ Well, I do Hey, who's in charge here ~ ~ It's a jungle out there ~ ~ Poison in the very air we breathe ~ ~ Do you know what's in the water that you drink, well, I do ~ ~ And it's amazing ~ ~ People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time ~ ~ If you paid attention you'd be worried too ~ ~ You better pay attention or this world we love so much ~ ~ Mightjust kill you ~ ~ I could be wrong now ~ ~ But I don't think so ~ ~'Cause it's a jungle out there ~ ~ It's a jungle out there ~~ Man, did you see that game? Those guys were just sleepwalking! Oh! We need a real running back.
Barlow's done.
He's all washed up.
Amen.
They're talking about football.
I have that one.
Give me the cards.
No.
Mr.
Monk, you don't need the cards.
Just go talk to them.
You are an interesting person.
Can't you just be yourself? Give me the cards.
[Sighs.]
Weather.
Politics.
Movies.
Swear words.
Swear words? Don't you look at that one.
There it is football.
I got it.
Hey.
Ah.
Monk is here.
I guess we can all go home now.
[Laughs.]
You guys talking about last night's game? San Francisco 49ers lost Yes.
We know.
It was a hell of a fourth quarter though.
It was the turnovers.
They always come back to haunt you.
Yeah.
I was just saying Rattay can't handle the pressure.
I mean, why didn't they take him out? Excuse me.
[Laughs.]
What's that all about? I don't know.
Anyway [Continues, Indistinct.]
That's true about Tim Rattay, the quarterback.
But don't forget.
He won four out of his last five home games.
But they were playing in Houston, Monk.
You guys want to hear some swear words? Hey, Monk? - What are you doing? - We're just talking about the local football franchise.
Right.
The Niners.
[Chuckles.]
No.
The San Francisco Forty - Niners.
Come on.
Body's over here.
Yeah.
Sure.
I'll catch you guys on the flip side.
[Laughing.]
[Laughing.]
There it is.
Hearing them laugh as I walk away, that's the worst part.
Mr.
Monk, they're not laughing at you.
Yeah.
Right.
Victim "A"the garage attendant.
His name was Ronnie, uh Uh, Ronald Shelton.
Shelton.
Guy worked here for two years.
Shot twice in the chest with a.
45.
We recovered the shells.
Bang-bang, he's dead here.
The shooter then drags Shelton's body this way and rolls him under this truck.
Then he hangs out here in the garage and waits.
For what? For victim "B.
" Warren Kemp.
He enters the garage at 7:30, heads for his car.
[Meows.]
Sweet ride.
Yeah.
I'm thinking of getting one of these myself.
Meanwhile, back on Earth.
The killer forces Kemp over to the car at gunpoint, makes him put his hand in the car door, and breaks it.
He killed the first guy, then waited around, but then only breaks the second guy's hand? His right hand.
Not his left hand.
He was very specific about that.
And then he takes off.
Kemp recognize him? - No.
He didn't see his face.
- Robbery? Nope.
Why his hand? Is he a musician or a surgeon? He's a big-time stock analyst.
Works at one of the financial places upstairs.
You know Buyouts and mergers.
Money for nothing.
Is that Monk? Yeah.
He's supposed to be some kind of genius, - like Sherlock Holmes.
- Who's the girl? Uh, his assistant.
Natalie something.
What you got? Well, this tire iron is metric.
Doesn't fit this car.
In fact, all the cars down here are American-made.
I think the killer brought this down to pretend to change a tire.
- He probably drives an import.
Good.
What else? - Tweezers.
Well, he's insecure.
He's always trying to impress people, act tougher than he is.
[Disher.]
How do you know that? He was chewing on this.
[Disher.]
Toothpick.
[Exhales.]
That's not conclusive.
[Woman.]
Captain? Just a theory.
It could could be wrong.
Yeah? How's Kemp? I can't release him yet.
Gotta get him back to the hospital for some X-rays.
But he gave me a message.
He said to tell you that he can meet Mr.
Monk tomorrow morning at his office, 10:00.
He says he hopes to see you too.
Who? Me? [People Chattering.]
Yes.
Mr.
Monk.
He's all the way to the end and on the left.
Hi.
Adrian Monk for Mr.
Kemp.
He's on a conference call.
You can have a seat.
Okay.
I used to work in a place like this.
I lasted about two weeks.
You do the same thing every day.
Same thing.
After a while, you begin to feel like a number.
A number.
You're just like everybody else.
Everybody else.
You're basically a drone.
A drone? [Woman.]
He's ready for you.
If you'll follow me.
Mr.
Monk.
[Groans.]
Warren Kemp.
Forgive me for not shaking hands.
[Chuckles.]
Oh.
I don't mind.
It's Natalie, right? His gal Friday.
[Chuckles.]
Something like that.
How's the hand? - Nine broken bones.
- One more would have been an even 10.
You sound disappointed, Mr.
Monk.
Well, it's too late now.
Nice digs.
Yeah? So this "buy low, sell high" stuff really works, huh? [Chuckles.]
Well, apparently.
Wow.
What's that hooked to the phone? It's a voice scrambler.
Some of the transactions I handle are top-secret.
Security comes through twice a week sweeping for bugs.
I feel likeJames Bond.
Please, sit down.
Mr.
Kemp, I understand that the man that attacked you knew your name.
That's right.
But you didn't recognize him? No.
I never got a good look at him.
- Did you recognize his voice? - No.
Sorry.
Any idea why somebody would want to break your right hand? Are you about to sign an important contract? Well, it wouldn't matter.
I can still sign my name.
I mean, if I make an "X," it would still be legal.
So you've been moving furniture? That's right.
I just hired a new decorator some feng shui nut.
She says if my desk faces the door, it would open me up to new opportunities.
Maybe she was on to something.
[Chuckling.]
[Chuckling.]
[Chuckling Continues.]
- How did you know about the furniture? - Oh, impressions in the rug.
The desk used to be there.
That's pretty good.
Who's the detective here? [Chuckles.]
[Chuckles.]
[Chuckling Continues.]
Mr.
Kemp, uh Captain said that you wanted to ask me some questions.
Mr.
Monk, I'll admit it.
I'm scared to death.
I mean, this creep knew my name.
It could be someone close to me.
I agree.
The police have the building staked out, but I need someone working here, undercover, trying to figure it out.
I trust you.
I trust your judgment.
Can you recommend someone, or I'll do it.
- What? - I'll do it.
Oh, thank you.
L-I feel better already.
You can start tomorrow.
No, no, no.
You don't understand.
He can't work in an office.
There There are people here.
Nah, nah.
He'll be fine.
I'll say you're, uh, - an investment analyst I'm bringing in from Chicago.
- Chicago.
Yeah, all you have to do is, you know, look busy.
I'll give you some reports to collate.
Did you hear that? I'm gonna be collating.
[All Chuckle.]
So you're from Chicago? It's too cold for me.
Not that the weather here is much better.
The kitchenette.
Some of the food in that machine is still edible.
Office humor.
I love it.
Sales department's down there.
This is accounting.
We're redecorating the whole office.
Do you smoke? If you do, the smoke detector in the break room's usually broken, if you know what I mean.
Isn't that kind of a fire hazard? I hope so.
If we're lucky, this whole friggin' place will burn down.
Here's your parking pass.
If you park in the garage, make sure someone walks you downstairs.
We had a problem there two nights ago.
Ah.
I heard about that.
Why do you think someone would want to break Kemp's hand? Probably someone who heard him playing piano at last year's Christmas party.
[Blows Raspberry.]
Ah.
More office humor.
That's good.
This is you.
Home sweet home.
This is me? It's perfect.
Yeah, it's a dream come true.
What are you doing? This is Adrian Monk.
He's starting here today.
Mr.
Kemp said I could have that cubicle.
What's the difference? It's closer to the emergency exit.
Statistically, it's a little safer.
Statistically, you're a little nuts! Why don't you double up on your medication and get back to work? Ignore him.
He's a little [Whistles.]
So, we're all set.
If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask somebody else.
Somebody else.
I get it.
We're taking up a collection for Chilton Handy.
It's his birthday.
He's 40.
Oh, I, uh I just got here.
You work here, right? Most people put in [Rattling.]
Okay.
Okay then.
Here you go.
You're Chilton.
That's right.
I'm turning 40.
Well, happy birthday.
What do you think about what happened? You mean to Kemp? Well, it's pretty strange, huh? Breaking his hand.
Why would somebody do that? Maybe someone didn't like their last employee evaluation.
Captain, this just came in.
I think you'd better sit down.
What is it? I really think you ought to sit down, sir.
I don't want to sit down, Randy.
What is it? It's pretty big, sir.
What is it? Okay.
Sir, it's just that when I got the call, I was sitting down, and I'm really glad I was.
Did somebody die? Is anybody hurt? [Sighs.]
I just got off the phone with the S.
E.
C.
They're investigating Warren Kemp for insider trading.
Is that it? There's definitely a leak.
And they're pretty sure that it's coming from inside the firm.
One theory is that it's Warren Kemp himself.
But he was having second thoughts, so our guy breaks his hand as a warning to keep him in line.
And that's it? - Yes, sir.
- And you had me sit down for that? No.
No, it wasn't just that.
I mean, you looked a little bit tired.
- Is that my phone? - Your phone? Disher.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
I got to take this, sir.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
I'm on my way.
Right.
No.
Absolutely.
Uh, yeah.
Adrian, really, you didn't have to reorganize the whole filing room.
Uh, actually, I did.
And thanks again for cleaning my office.
I can see my desk again.
You're gonna make somebody a wonderful wife.
Oh, Greg, here's that quarterly sales report.
I found a few typos and grammatical errors, so I retyped it.
Retyped the whole thing? You're my hero.
So, where are we eating? Let's just go to the Broadway Grill.
It's right across the courtyard.
Come on, Adrian.
Come on, Annette.
[Elevator Bell Dings.]
I'll get the next one.
- There's plenty of room here.
- I'd rather wait.
You can fit right here.
It's only two floors.
Okay, I'm I'm I'm fine.
I'm W-We're not contagious.
[Laughs.]
I know you're not contagious.
I'll take the next one.
[Elevator Bell Dings.]
Mr.
Monk.
I was worried about you.
How's it going? I'm fine.
It's going good.
Oh, good.
All right, I just talked to the captain.
The S.
E.
C.
's investigating this place.
They have a bank account in the Cayman Islands.
Somebody's making millions based on insider information.
Yeah.
They even have this crazy theory that Warren Kemp's involved.
Isn't that insane? Come on.
Let's talk about it at lunch.
Oh, I can't.
I'm meeting the gang.
What gang? I have a gang.
I'm in the gang.
They're waiting for me.
What are you talking about? Natalie, they like me.
I brought some cards along.
I haven't had to use them.
Nobody's laughing at me.
I got to go.
I'll talk to you later.
Oh.
Oh.
Mr.
Monk, how's the case coming? Any leads? Nothing concrete.
Uh, can't talk right now.
I gotta go.
The gang is waiting for me.
[Sighs.]
- Mr.
Kemp.
- Warren.
Please.
So, what are you doing here? I was going to take Mr.
Monk to lunch, but he had other plans.
So, you're free? Yeah.
Hmm.
[People Chattering.]
Here you go.
Dig in.
Ah.
Thank you, Pamela.
[Grunting.]
Let me get one.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Those are good.
[Chuckles.]
Delicious.
So, is it hard to work together and and and be in a relationship? What? What? The two of you are having a thing, right? Why do you say that? Well, your shirt There's a hole on the end of your collar.
Greg was wearing that same shirt yesterday.
Plus you're using the same shampoo and the same deodorant.
And today Greg walked in with your umbrella.
Oh [Chuckles.]
[Laughing.]
- All right.
- [Laughing.]
- You should be a detective.
- [Laughing.]
No.
No.
L-I couldn't be a detective.
I could never be a detective.
They're lonely.
They're They're very lonely and sad.
They don't have a gang.
A gang from the office.
[Laughing.]
[Laughing Continues.]
So this is how millionaires do lunch, huh? Ah.
This is how millionaires become millionaires.
And divorced and stressed out and dateless.
[Chuckles.]
[Chuckles.]
Oh, I can see my boss from here.
He's laughing.
I hardly recognize him.
Is that yours? Ah, it's beautiful.
Is it? I don't remember.
I haven't seen it in two years.
Warren, we gotta get you out of this office.
Gosh.
The last time I was in Vermont, I was in jail.
What? Yeah.
I hit a guy in a bar.
He wouldn't leave my friend alone, so I just sort of shoved him through the window.
[Chuckles.]
If you're trying to turn me on here, it's working.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe I just told you that.
You cannot tell anyone I've been arrested, okay? Mr.
Monk Oh, my God.
Julie, my daughter, if she knew? Please.
You have to promise me.
Oh, no.
I promise.
Okay.
Now you have to promise me something.
Yes.
That you'll keep calling and reminding me how pretty that cabin is until I can take you up there and show it to you myself.
Okay.
[Chuckles.]
[Laughing.]
[Laughing Continues.]
Hey, Sherlock Holmes! Come here! We're trying to figure out who did this.
- This is a human Caucasian buttocks.
- Yeah? [Laughing.]
Yeah, we know.
But whose Caucasian buttocks? Got to be Chilton.
Go to hell.
Uh, no.
This is Ben.
Real mature, Ben.
Oh [Laughing.]
Ow! How'd you know? W-Well, the staples go out, not in.
Ben's is the only stapler in the office set to do that.
What are you doing? Taking this down.
The tournament's over.
You guys forfeit.
Who said that? We don't forfeit anything.
- It's our bowling league.
The finals are tonight.
- Okay, fine.
I'll see you there.
But you're just gonna embarrass yourselves even worse than usual.
Mr.
Kemp was the only bowler you had that didn't suck.
Mr.
Kemp bowls? Not anymore.
Not with a busted hand.
The creep is right.
We're gonna get slaughtered.
Bowling.
[Bowling Pins Crash.]
[Cheering.]
[Man.]
Yeah! It's louder than I thought it'd be.
[Cheering Continues.]
Do you really think that guy killed somebody and broke Warren Kemp's hand just to win a bowling trophy? I know it's crazy, but look at him.
He's completely obsessed! And not in a good way like me.
Plus, he's a toothpick chewer.
Does he have an alibi for Monday night? Good question.
Adrian, you're up.
- Me? - We need someone to fill in for Mr.
Kemp.
Why do you think we asked you to come? Because I'm one of the gang.
Here's your shirt.
Find a ball.
[Bowling Pins Crash.]
All right.
Good eye.
Good eye.
Find your ball.
That's it.
Yeah.
[Bowling Pins Crash.]
A walk's as good as a hit.
[Clapping.]
[Bowling Pins Crash.]
Here.
Could you take it? Take it! Take it! [Cheering.]
All right! [Woman.]
That's good, Adrian.
Roll it now.
Oh, yeah! That's amazing! Yeah! [Cheering.]
One more, it would have been an even 10.
Oh, you get another chance.
You get two balls.
Really? Go get it.
Do it.
Yeah! Get 'em.
[Snaps Fingers.]
You're so slow.
I'm [Cheering.]
[Cheering.]
[Bowling Pins Crash.]
[Cheering.]
[Woman.]
Come on.
Let's go celebrate.
All right [Continues, Indistinct.]
- [Shouting, Indistinct.]
- [Monk.]
I got another one! [Woman Shouting, Indistinct.]
Oh, my God! Yes! [Man.]
Yeah! Strike! Hey, did you watch that comedy show on TV Monday night? What? It was about this family that argued all the time, and the father was always wrong.
You could hear the audience laugh, so that you knew it was funny.
I missed it.
Where were you? Pardon me? Monday night.
Did you go out? Are you a cop? No.
Then I don't have to talk to you, do I? So, who's the girl with Adrian? Didn't you get that e-mail? Somebody's been sending messages to the whole office about her.
Her name's Natalie something.
She's been hitting on Mr.
Kemp.
You're kidding.
And get this.
She's done time.
She almost killed a guy in Vermont.
[Gasps.]
Thanks.
[Phone Rings.]
Hello? [Natalie.]
Everybody knows about Vermont, Warren.
They're all talking about it.
I told you that in confidence.
Natalie, I didn't tell anybody.
I swear.
Well, somebody's e-mailing your whole office, and nobody but you knew about it.
- Natalie, you have to believe me.
- Like hell I do.
Mr.
Monk, we need to talk.
Natalie, look at this.
Chilton has an alibi.
He was here Monday night.
He bowled a 294.
I don't know what to think.
Well, I think Warren Kemp's involved.
What? Maybe the S.
E.
C.
Was right, that it's an inside job.
I do not trust that guy.
I thought we liked him.
I thought we liked him a lot.
Well, we don't.
You know what? I'll just meet you outside, all right? I got to get some air.
[Whispers.]
Adrian! We're only down two pins.
If you can roll three, we can win the game.
No problem.
Foul! That's a foul! He can't wear those.
He's wearing street shoes.
They're not regulation.
But he's been wearing them the whole game.
I don't care.
He can't bowl if he's not wearing regulation footwear.
That's a rule.
Fine.
We'll just rent him a pair of shoes.
What size are you? Uh, here's the thing.
When you say "rent a pair," you're talking about footwear that other people have already worn? That's right.
On my feet.
Here Here's the thing.
I don't like to share anything.
- Fine.
Let's just buy him a new pair.
- Pro shop's closed.
So what's it gonna be? If he doesn't bowl, you forfeit.
[Sighs.]
Here.
We're about the same size.
What the hell are you looking at? They're just shoes.
Just put them on.
Here's the thing Okay, stop saying "Here's the thing.
" Just put on these shoes for 20 seconds, then you can take them right off.
Twenty seconds.
I don't know.
So you forfeit? Listen.
We've been waiting five years to beat these creeps.
All you have to do is put on Greg's shoes and roll the frickin' ball.
I can't.
Yes! We win! Oh, yeah! Yes! That's a forfeit! We win! Forfeit.
Forfeit.
Forfeit.
Forfeit.
Losers.
[Woman.]
Come on, come on.
[Chattering.]
[Bowling Pins Crash.]
Hey, hey.
I bought some I bought some bowling shoes.
I'll tell you what you can do with those.
Put 'em [Whispers, Indistinct.]
That's a new one.
What do you think? I'm sorry? Which one do you like? I'm doing the windows and all the offices.
I'm trying to brighten up everyone's spaces.
Which one? This one? I think it's just a tad bit more sunshiny.
Don't you think? - Yes, it's very sunshiny.
- All right.
[Sighs.]
[Sewing Machine Whirring.]
[Whirring Continues.]
[Floor Creaks.]
What are you doing? What do you want? Okay, take anything.
Take anything you want.
Uh You want that pillow? Take that pillow.
It's Italian.
- [Gun Cocks.]
- Oh, my God.
[Gasps.]
[Chattering.]
What does it mean, Lieutenant? I think it means the killer was very intelligent.
So it was the same guy as the garage? Yeah.
It looks like it.
We recovered the bullets .
45 caliber.
They're comparing it now.
Uh Something else too, sir.
It's pretty big.
Don't worry.
You don't have to sit down.
I mean, you can sit.
I mean, sit or stand.
Can I walk away? I'll just tell you.
The victim, Angela Dirks She was an interior designer.
We found some recent invoices.
Guess what? She was working for Pross Financial Services.
The same company.
Yes, sir.
So the guy breaks the boss's hand, and then four days later he kills the interior decorator? What the hell is going on up there? But that's pretty weird about the decorator getting killed.
There's gotta be a connection.
Don't you think? Mr.
Monk? That was our table.
We ate nachos.
You ate nachos? No.
But I pretended to.
And then later Ben made a copy of his Caucasian buttocks, which was very funny.
Although I don't know exactly why.
Mr.
Monk, it's their loss.
Really, it is.
They're all at the Chinese restaurant down the street.
I saw them sneaking out so I wouldn't come with them.
- Uh-oh.
What is that? - What? There's There's something Is that a hair? Where? No.
It's okay.
It's just celery.
[No Audible Dialogue.]
[Teeth Clenched.]
Natalie, I think I know what happened.
What? I solved the case! Why are you talking like that? You see that guy by the window? The guy in the green jacket.
When I said there was something in your soup, he reacted.
He looked at his soup.
His suit? His soup! Soup! Well, maybe he heard you.
No, no, no.
He couldn't have.
He must have read my lips.
He can read lips! That explains everything.
It does? Yeah.
He's been sitting at that same table every time I've been in here.
He must have been sitting there about a month ago.
At some point, he looked out the window, and he saw something something worth millions of dollars.
What? What did he see? He saw Warren Kemp.
[Monk.]
He's been reading Warren's lips.
From that table, he has a perfect view into Warren's office.
It's a company called Maine Fiber Optics.
Before September 2nd.
[Teeth Clenched.]
Buyouts, mergers That kind of inside information, it's worth a fortune.
Don't look! Don't look.
He's staring right at us.
I'm sure everyone is, the way you're grinning.
That's okay.
He'll just think we're in love.
You don't look like you're in love.
You look like someone who's had some sort of industrial accident.
Here.
Just I don't get it.
Why would he break Warren's hand? Because Warren redecorated his office last week.
Remember? You noticed it yourself.
Yeah.
He turned his desk around so that when he held the phone in his right hand, he was blocking his mouth.
- Somehow he had to get Warren to switch hands.
- [Warren Screams.]
That's what all this is about? So he would hold the phone in the other hand? [No Audible Dialogue.]
Why would he kill the decorator? [Muffled.]
Because she was planning to put curtains up.
Remember? That would have ruined everything.
Oh, my God.
Here he comes.
Mr.
Monk, there's a mirror.
He could have been reading my lips.
Think you've figured something out, huh? What do you say we all take a walk outside and talk about it? I'm gonna grab the gun.
I can hear you.
I was born deaf, but I'm okay now.
Modern science.
Now let's go.
Okay, okay.
We're going, we're going.
But you're making a huge mistake.
Do you know who this man is? He's [Screams.]
[People Murmuring.]
All right, don't move! Stay where you are.
Don't worry.
It's okay.
I used to be a cop.
- I'm calling the captain.
- Wait.
Wait.
Could you first call Mr.
Wok's? - Why? - That's where the gang is eating.
I'd really love them to see this.
I like the curtains.
Well, they're temporary.
They're moving me upstairs to the 15th floor You know, away from prying eyes.
Makes sense.
At least we know who wrote that e-mail.
The killer must have been reading our lips when we talked about going to Vermont.
Guess he didn't want his golden goose going on vacation with anybody, so he tried to break us up.
Look, Natalie, it doesn't matter who wrote the e-mail.
I'm a bottom line sort of guy, and the bottom line is, I told you it wasn't me.
I swore to you, and you didn't believe me.
You're right, you're right.
I'm sorry.
Can't we just pop this open and pick up where we left off? [Sighs.]
[Door Closes.]
It's expensive.
Don't waste it.
How'd it go? Let's get out of here.
[Laughs.]
[Laughing.]
There it is.
[Laughing.]